Tussendoortje

Ik vraag me altijd af waar iedereen is als er even niks elementairs op het podium gebeurt. Het publiek lost op in een niks. Misschien naar buiten of naar de benedenbar, de kelderbar. Dat is voor zover ik weet een opslag locatie voor publiek, op minder bezochte concert avonden gaan de deuren open dan komen de extras even naar buiten, in passende uitdossing, er ligt daar voor jaren aan genre aankleding, in de tussentijd trekken deze fans snel iets anders aan zodat het wederom lijkt alsof ze speciaal komen voor deze vrij onbekende band. Ze weten ook precies hoe ze moeten staan luisteren, welke bewegingen passend zijn bij welke muziekstijl. Ik voel me dan steeds onzekerder worden door zoveel kennis van zaken. Meestal kennen ze de band ook door en door, dat komt omdat ze drie dagen voor aanvang extra educatie ontvingen, masterclasses, symposia op locatie in de kelder.

Sommigen doen dit werk al meer dan 40 jaar, anderen zijn in opleiding, ze krijgen kelder onderdak, eten en muziek scholing erbij terwijl ze studeren in motorische filosofie of drone intergratie bij medische hulp in kader aardvevingen in de diepzee. Tegenwoordig zijn er ook technologische varianten AI concert bezoekers, ze krijgen een half uur voor aanvang een update en dan zijn ze meteen klaar voor het concert, iemand zet ze aan. Je kunt ze alleen herkennen omdat ze steeds om dezelfde tijd op dezelfde manier de bar bezoeken, de 20 echt betalende bezoekers denken dat ze daar heen gaan voor een biertje, maar dat bier is alleen frontje.Meestal is het extra brandstof voor de accu of een overdracht van een hoop extra data. Ik weet dit allemaal via via dankzij een zeer betrouwbare bron. Iemand die jaren in de kelderbar zat opgesloten, hij noemt het een sekte, tevens een gevaar voor de samenleving, maar de club noemt het vooruitgang, een ontwikkeling noodzakelijk om het beste te halen uit alle bands en ook om wel betalende fans het idee te geven dat ze ondanks het gebrek aan aanvoer van normale fans echt zo'n beroerde smaak niet hebben. Dit werkt bij 90 procent van bezoekers maar niet bij iedereen.

Ik krijg binnen de tijd mij gegeven tussen concerten dit verhaal niet af maar goed het is zoals met elk verhaal, als de schrijver ermee ophoudt is het ondanks alles gewoon klaar. Weet je, het leven van een denker schrijver gaat alleen over rozen als ze schrijven dat het er over gaat. Vandaar denk ik.

Zo dan zit nu mijn onzichtbare tussen de optredens door optreden er op.

My Friday night game of choice comes from the WNBA and has the Indiana Fever playing the Toronto Tempo in a game scheduled to start at 6:30 PM CDT. I'm planning to watch the game tonight on ION. Failing that option, I'll try to follow the radio call on an Indianapolis Sports Station. Go Fever!

And the adventure continues.

Music Scape

Inside a Friday Mind

Inside my head at the end of a long week. Loud is easier than honest. Guitars and old wounds. Bad decisions, sarcasm, lust and jealousy. Noise is nice, it hides weakness. Kind of how style hides inadequacy. Along the way, the bottom startst ot move and the music becomes my voice, my hips become my engine. Missing places and people and things and versions of me I thought I would always be.

How come the we we want evaporates while the we we can live without stay solid and unmoveable? Get away. Stay. Let go. Live.

By the end, it doesn't really feel like a collection of songs anymore. It feels like a Friday night spent moving through every version of myself at once—the smartass, the lonely kid, the romantic, the idiot, the guy who wants to burn the whole thing down and the guy who still hopes somebody says don't go. That's probably why “Stay” has to be the last song. After all the leaving, pretending, wandering, surviving, and saying goodbye, that is the one word underneath everything else. Stay.

Eve 6 – Inside Out Lit – My Own Worst Enemy Harvey Danger – Flagpole Sitta Better Than Ezra – Good Gin Blossoms – Hey Jealousy Everclear – Santa Monica Fastball – The Way Third Eye Blind – Jumper Dishwalla – Counting Blue Cars (Tell Me Your Thoughts On God) Cracker – Low Marcy Playground – Sex & Candy Alphaville – Big in Japan The Church – Under the Milky Way The Cars – Drive Everclear – Wonderful Andrew Gold – Lonely Boy Everclear – Father Of Mine Simon & Garfunkel – America Dire Straits – Romeo and Juliet Bread – Baby I'm-a Want You Led Zeppelin – The Rain Song – Remaster George Michael – Careless Whisper Semisonic – Closing Time Eric Clapton – Pretending Foreigner – Starrider Yes – Soft As A Dove Yes – Spirit Of Survival Peter Gabriel – I Have The Touch (Live) Matthew Sweet – Girlfriend The Cult – Fire Woman Dire Straits – Money for Nothing Blue Öyster Cult – Godzilla Manic Street Preachers – Orwellian Alphaville – Fallen Angel Shawn Colvin – Monopoly Marillion – She Chameleon – 2021 Stereo Remix The Who – I Am The Sea Anita Miller – “One Day You'll Be Cool” – Dialog Supertramp – Goodbye Stranger Eagles – The Long Run – 2013 Remaster Oingo Boingo – Stay

In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross published what she titled “The Five Stages of Death.” This has morphed over time into “The Five Stages of Grief,” “The Grief Cycle,” the “Kübler-Ross Change Curve,” and so on. Most people are familiar with it by now. If you’ve taken Psych 101, you probably had to memorize it at some point. The gist of the thing is that when people face grief, there are five (or so) stages of emotion that they travel through, including Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, and Acceptance. Even Kübler-Ross herself acknowledged that these phases don’t really occur in any sort of linear fashion, though it’s certainly a common enough belief in the general public that they do.

I think the idea of neat and orderly phases of grieving sounds amazing, but I am also certain that I don’t know anyone who has ever experienced it. As I walk my own path of grief, I’m also noticing periods of time that have included exhaustion, numbness, sarcasm, and the darkest of humor. The most recent experience has been anger, though.

I have not been especially good at the emotion of anger in the course of my life. As a moody, eating disordered teenager, my treatment providers gently suggested that I was burning with rage, an idea I shot down immediately. They were, of course, correct, but it has been hard for me to accept anger and express it in a productive way, not being destructive to myself or my relationships. I have gotten better at managing anger over the years, now that I am a less moody, less eating disordered middle-aged woman. Still, it often catches me by surprise.

When my younger brother died by suicide in 2010, all of my emotions seemed like they were turned up to full blast, including anger. I was angry at him, I was angry at myself, I was angry at the whole universe. In the wake of his death, we were all left picking up the pieces, the way forensic investigators gather every minute piece of an aircraft after a plane crash. During the process, I felt waves of rage overtake me, and I was left baffled and exhausted after they passed.

The death of my father has been a much different experience. For one thing, his death came at the end of a debilitating illness that he found frustrating and depressing. He was able to stay at home, and I was with him when he died. I was grateful for the opportunity to be with him at home, and he had gotten excellent care while he was ill. There seemed to be little to be angry about. And yet, almost a month later the anger seems to working its way into the tiny spaces in my life, subtle but unable to be ignored.

This is not the same rage I’ve felt before. It’s not annoyance or irritation. Anger comes in so many different flavors. I find myself feeling angry at people for things they couldn’t have helped. I’m angry at circumstances. I feel a particular fury at the time-off policies of my job, as they do not include bereavement leave of any sort. (’Merica!) Mostly though, my anger is looking for a target, rather than being driven by actual, rational reasons for frustration.

I am not alone in this experience. Sitting with many grieving people in my work, as well as friends and others in my life who are also on this path, I see the different ways anger can present itself. Someone feels angry at the people who were more interested in her daughter’s funeral than visiting her daughter when she was still alive. Another person feels angry at God for letting their spouse get ill and die at such a young age. Yet a third is angry at his family member who died because she wasn’t able to stop drinking. Their anger is not my anger, but I recognize it and can help my clients gently hold this energy.

What does one do about this sort of anger? In my case, there aren’t any steps I can take to ameliorate the situation. I can’t sit down with my dad and ask him why he decided to get cancer. I am highly unlikely to change major policies at my job to be kinder to people with recent losses, although it’s certainly something to consider trying. It seems that I need to do what I can with the anger, the frustration, the sadness, and that is to sit with the feeling, be kind to myself, and know that emotions never last forever, even if they feel like they will. Anger is a source of energy, and I am hoping to figure out what to do with it. Blow some stuff up? Or maybe try to make a positive change around me? For now, I think I’ll just try to combat the overwhelming fatigue I feel by allowing the energy of my anger to push me forward.

In my time and place on Earth, people still struggle with immoral and unethical reasoning at both the individual and structural levels of our civilization. We see it in the banal administration of our public institutions, the business ontology of corporations, and the bias of large, wealthy commercial interests. And the result is unnecessary and avoidable suffering.

None of this, however, is really new. Only this flavor is new, and perhaps the depth of significance in terms of the consequences of such things. What is true now of our politicians was true of Cicero’s time. What is true now of the general public was true of the Athenian public in 560 BCE. Funny how, regardless of historical era, the intellectual and emotional immaturity of some leads to the unnecessary suffering of many. All the while, exploitation rather than cooperation tends to be the modus operandi that devours nations and societies, with hubris sprinkled throughout.

Contrary to late-20th-century optimism here in America, human technological progress, including statecraft, has not led to moral progress. Nor does it, I imagine. The passage of time itself does not improve society and civilization. The human condition has not evolved. The human experience, though dotted with joy and goodness, is generally cruel and harsh. The struggles I have faced in my life are no better or worse than the struggles others have faced, past, present, and future. What is unique are the specific circumstances I find myself in, my own nature, my own knowledge and experience, and how I respond to the existential crises and moral dilemmas I may face.

Which brings me to this term:

“Integrity, n. The entire, unimpaired state of any thing, particularly of the mind; moral soundness of purity; incorruptness; uprightness; honesty. Integrity comprehends the whole moral character, but has a special reference to uprightness in mutual dealings, transfers of property, and agencies for others.” — Webster’s (1891).

As I read the definition more slowly, I can see two conceptual layers, laid down at different times. The older one is wholeness: the entire, unimpaired state of a thing, especially the mind. The word shares a root with integer, something that can't be divided without ceasing to be itself. The newer layer is about uprightness in dealings with others: property, contracts, acting on someone's behalf. Somewhere between the two, the emphasis shifted from the quality of the person to the quality of the agreement — the business contract — with the person across the table. It stopped describing what a soul is and started describing what a merchant can be trusted to deliver. In other words, it developed a business ontology as an add-on to the moral one. Or perhaps the transactional aspect was always there, and the definition simply made it salient. I cannot tell which from the reading alone.

The lexicographer may have been aware of this, but I doubt they noticed or paid particular attention to its philosophical implications. Words, like fossils, rarely explain themselves in profoundly revelatory ways. But it’s all here in this dictionary entry. A word that once described the unbroken inner life had, by the golden age of American mercantilism and industrialization, come to mean the reliability of the outer one.

What the definition still keeps, maybe in spite of itself, is the order and its inherent logic. How we treat people depends on what we're like inside. Quality of character determines the quality of human relationships and interactions once you remove commercial exploitation and transactions. A cracked vessel pours crooked no matter how steady the hand. A cracked soul sounds corrupt to the ear, no matter how suave the conversation.

By soul I mean the whole of who someone is, as opposed to what they have or do: the self that persists when the body, the résumé, and the material possessions all change. Integrity is that inner state showing up as observable conduct. When the inside is sound, dealings tend to be upright. When it's fractured by compromise, by deliberate choice, by coercion, by a thousand small surrenders, the dealings inherit the fracture. Not right away, but eventually. Inevitably. And that fracture leaves a mark not just on the body, but also on the soul.

I think integrity matters greatly because it may be the one thing that both connects us and protects us from one another. Every contract honored and every promise kept assumes the person on the other side is whole enough to keep faith. That same assumption is nearly all that stands between us and the darker sides of our nature, which are hardly new. The Romans knew them, and so did the Athenians. Every generation has had about the same mix of maturity and immaturity, and the quality of life in any era or region depends on this. I can't think of anything sturdier. Religion gets recruited to justify exploiters as often as to restrain them. Technology amplifies whatever part of us is running it. Time improves nothing just by passing. And what gets recorded in history is more about who does the recording than what actually happened. When combined with a social memory span of less than a generation, a vicious circle begins to emerge, and we are doomed to repeat the worst of our ancestors’ struggles.

Some people say integrity is a luxury, that sometimes you have to accept a smaller evil now to prevent a larger one later. However many times I've thought about this, and I don't trust it. How does the degree of harm between two horrific options automatically make the seemingly less horrific one somehow good? How does one make the better moral choice when the very definition of a moral dilemma is that there is no good choice? Moral dilemmas are, by nature, no-win scenarios. And no-win scenarios are solvable, but there’s always a price to be paid. The loss is built into the term no-win. So the question isn’t “if I pay” but “how do I pay” and “how much.” In other words, what is the cost to my soul? And integrity plays a critical role in that determination, not as a cold calculation, but as a means for deciding what is the better choice for me rather than what is the better choice in the eyes of others, real or imagined.

Moral dilemmas are real. They are dilemmas because they exact a toll. And the cost is paid in an immaterial currency. Invisible to the naked eye, yet indelible to the conscience and whole being. Giving up something of the inner life for the outer one costs something even if nobody else notices or cares. Maybe especially then. And only the person facing it can judge that cost. Not the imagined masses, who don't exist and will never speak, and not the instigators and whatever system stands behind them. If I'm ever in a situation where harm is coming, whatever choice I make, it’ll be a decision my conscience can live with, however fragile that peace.

This matters to me now, especially, because I feel surrounded by leaders and institutions that lack accountability, consistency, and any real concern for other people. Care is now performative and only meaningful in the context of providing services to people where both service and people are commodifiable. You can't count on them in the old commercial sense, let alone the much older sense of wholeness. They preach the second layer of the definition while hollowing out the first. Even “integrity” has become a brand, a transfer of property and an agency for others, minus the uprightness or transparency. You often see the term in the taglines and marketing materials for certain commercial industries, but how is usery, for example, also integrity? Or, is the consistency of admitted wrongdoing itself a form of integrity? Questions for another day, perhaps.

I'm not sure whether things are morally worse now than in Cicero's Rome or Solon's Athens, but I'm very certain they're not better.

We're fragile creatures in a deeply flawed world that may never see real moral progress, or a balance between our inner and outer lives. I suspect the forces that pull us away from ourselves, which our integrity helps resist, will always be there. And what I'm finding more and more as I get older is that resisting is what matters most.

#Excultio

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Notes:

• Business ontology is Mark Fisher's term, coined in Capitalist Realism (2009): the idea that only outcomes recognized by business count. Fisher blogged for over a decade at k-punk. To my knowledge, his first online use of the term was in his July 28, 2006 blog post. I’m extending his term here slightly beyond its original framing.

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By D. Bowman  Nomina Numina is a journal of my reflections, moments, and meaning-making between worlds. Reply by email.

Hop, hop, hop

Hop praatje in galop aan het stuur bij de pedalen en hop praatjes in galop in de buzz openbaar in vervoering hop hop praatjes in galop gestructureerd tussen in strumentarium circulerend in het plan etarium hop hop hop praatjes in galop in de strop bewust gedropt hop hop hop hop praatjes op een draf zal lonen gaat straf moet gaan komt op me af hop hop hop hop hop praatjes op een draf mp3 flac og jee en van je wav wav wav uit de leiding in de staf hop hop hop hop hop hop praatjes rennen aangespoord de dader heeft de moordenaar vermoord er is ergens een getekend oorlogsakkoord hop hop hop hop hop hop hop praatjes slaan op hol iedereen die aanstaat horen dol de banjerende koppen bim bam bomvol hop flop en stop praatjes door onophoudelijke stuwing oververhit zo lekker stil nu er geen leven meer in dit stukkie zit op op op op, tip toetsen in galop

Stukje getikt voor doorkomen van de langzaam vertikkende tijd voor aanvang van de pre-programmering van Plus Instruments, je moet wat om wachttijd te voorzien van enig nut...

Lydia's Weekly Lifestyle blog is for today's African girl, so no subject is taboo. My purpose is to share things that may interest today's African girl.

This week's contributors: Lydia, Pépé Pépinière, Titi. This week's subjects: NYFW 2026: The major fashion weeks are there again, New York Is Serving, Accra Is Watching!, Fashion Weeks here back Home, Babies born to anaemic mothers have smaller brains, and Lebanon Mountain Restaurant

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The major fashion weeks are there again. The world’s biggest? Upcoming Fall 2026 / Spring 2027. New York Fashion Week: September 10 – 15th, 2026 London Fashion Week: September 17 – 21st, 2026 Milan Fashion Week: September 22 – 28th, 2026 Paris Fashion Week: September 28 – October 6th, 2026 NYFW 2026: New York Is Serving, Accra Is Watching! New York Fashion Week is back, and honestly, our bank accounts were not consulted. From September 10 to 15th, designers are serving looks, celebrities are serving faces, and the street-style crowd is serving serious outfit anxiety. Over here in Accra, we’re watching everything like it’s our personal fashion group chat: “Hmm… nice, but can I wear this in Osu without melting?” Here are 10 NYFW moments and names currently making fashion girls pay attention: Diane von Furstenberg: Henry Zankov opened the week as the new Artistic Director—NYFW said, “We’re not easing into this thing!” Henry Zankov Tommy Hilfiger: Classic American cool is back. Meanwhile, the Accra girl is already thinking, “Okay, but can I wear this to the office?” Ralph Lauren: Timeless, polished and effortlessly expensive. Basically, “I’m going to the office, but please address me as Madam.” Coach: Cool bags, cool clothes, cool energy. Because sometimes the handbag is the outfit—and Accra girls understand a good bag. Michael Kors: Manhattan glamour is doing what it does best: polished, sophisticated and giving “meeting at 10, cocktails at 7.” Tory Burch: Feminine, effortless and chic. The kind of look that says “I woke up like this” after 45 minutes of getting dressed. Monse: Tailoring gets a little rebellious. Because apparently the blazer has decided it no longer wants to behave itself. Threeasfour: Fashion gets experimental and artsy—perfect for the girl who wants her outfit to start a conversation before she says hello. Street Style: New York’s sidewalks are basically one giant fashion show. Accra, meanwhile, is asking, “But can this survive our 32°C heat?” Thom Browne: Thom Browne closed NYFW on September 15. After five days of fashion drama, we can finally breathe—and start saving those screenshots for our next shopping trip.

Fashion Weeks here back Home. And here, back home? Major African fashion weeks scheduled for late 2026 include Glitz Africa Fashion Week from November 10–13th in Accra, and Accra Fashion Week: December 15–20th, 2026. Dakar 12-6th December, 2026, Africa Fashion Week Nigeria: December 2026 (Lagos). Sadly as I am writing this, there is no clear calendar for all African fashion weeks, we seem not to be able to put ourselves on the map, as they call it. Though we’ve fought successfully for a new world map where Africa is shown more or less at it‘s true size. The previous maps were drawn by those who “discovered us”. And we’re still trying to present them the bill. Anyway, this blog is about fashion and lifestyle, not about world politics, but maybe we should try to be more part of it so our wishes and desires are better heard. The majority of Ghanaians does not even know the names of the Presidents or Prime Ministers around us, it seems we are happy in our little corner.

Babies born to anaemic mothers have smaller brains. You feel your anemia is not very important because you are not feeling sick? What is anemia again? Insufficient red blood cells, mainly as a result of too little meat and too little green veggies. Red blood cells transport oxygen to where it is needed. Typical anemia symptoms are fatigue, shortness of breath and dizziness. And if you can't afford the meat and the greenies which contain the iron you need to build red blood cells? There's blood tonic for around 85 GHC for 40 doses, that's 2 Ghana Cedis a day. How much do you pay for a sachet of water? Anyway, anemic mothers produce children where brain areas linked to movement, learning and emotions are affected, leading to cognitive problems later on (how you react, how you learn), and this really starts to show at primary school. More than a third of pregnant women worldwide have anaemia with highest occurrence in Sub-Saharan Africa and South Asia. Researchers from King’s College London in the UK, and the University of Cape Town in South Africa, followed more than 300 mothers and their babies in Cape Town, scanning the brains of the infants several times between the ages of three months and two years. On average, the total brain volume of babies born to anaemic mothers was 4% lower than that of babies born to non-anaemic mothers – despite all the anaemic mothers being diagnosed with only a mild version of the anemic condition. Social factors such as household income and food security were very similar for all of them. The gap between the groups of babies widened over the first two years of life from 4% less brain volume at 12 months to 6% at 24 months. “These aren’t children who are catching up, where the brain differences are disappearing over time,” said the researcher. “The differences are still there when the children are six years old and going to school, and when these things then translate into more noticeable cognitive difficulties” (poor school results). Some suggest we should be screening for anemia and iron deficiency particularly during pregnancy, but remember it takes about 6 months of good food to reduce anemia.

Lebanon Mountain Restaurant, Blohum road, next to Fidelity Bank, Dzorwulu, Accra. We decided to go for a Saturday afternoon mezza (a selection of small Lebanese dishes meant to be shared followed by a main course). The place was a bit deserted at that time, the owner or manager was sitting outside with I guess his wife. The moment we got out of the car he got up and welcomed us, his wife got up as well. Did we want to sit outside or inside? Inside. He let us choose the table, then one of the staff brought the menu. At ordering, the man himself attended and made suggestions, half way the meal he came to check if all was alright, and again at the end of the meal. We can learn a bit from the Middle Eastern hospitality. We had hummus-GHC 100, tabbouleh-GHC 150, baba ghanoush-GHC 50, kebe-GHC 10 each but we skipped the assaulted rice (is it really impossible to have menus printed without silly spelling mistakes?) and took 500g of grilled meat, (beef and chicken), at 300 GHC. Fresh pineapple juice for GHC 50, mini Club for GHC 35. I recommend it.

And on the 20th of this month there is an unusual fashion show.

Lydia...

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From an airman who did his part in the overall mission, Happy Birthday to you United States Air Force and all the airman, current and previous, who served. Thank you.

Integrity First. Service Before Self. Excellence In All We Do.

#airman #military #unitedstatesairforce #usaf

Adolescence is a period of profound physical, emotional, and social transformation. While mood swings and occasional stress are normal parts of growing up, anxiety in teenagers can sometimes mask itself in unexpected ways. Unlike adults, who might explicitly state they feel worried or overwhelmed, teens often express their internal distress through subtle behavioral changes or physical complaints. Recognizing these hidden signs is crucial for parents, educators, and caregivers. Early intervention can prevent mild anxiety from escalating into a more severe mental health condition, ensuring your teen has the support they need to thrive.

Understanding Teen Anxiety Beyond the Obvious

When we think of anxiety, we often picture classic symptoms like rapid breathing, panic attacks, or constant verbal expressions of worry. However, teenage anxiety frequently presents differently. The teenage brain is still developing, particularly the prefrontal cortex, which governs impulse control and emotional regulation. Because of this, teens may lack the vocabulary or self-awareness to articulate their anxiety. Instead, their nervous system reacts to perceived threats by manifesting symptoms that can easily be misinterpreted as typical teenage rebellion, laziness, or attitude.

The Hidden Behavioral and Emotional Signs

Anxiety in adolescents often leaks out through changes in behavior and emotional responses. Being attuned to these shifts can help you identify when your teen is struggling beneath the surface.

Irritability and Unexplained Anger

One of the most common yet overlooked signs of anxiety in teenagers is irritability. When a teen is constantly in a state of high alert, their patience wears thin quickly. Minor inconveniences, such as a change in plans or a simple question about their day, might trigger disproportionate anger or frustration. This is not necessarily defiance. It is often a fight-or-flight response to underlying feelings of being overwhelmed and out of control.

Avoidance and Social Withdrawal

Anxiety thrives on avoidance. A teen who suddenly starts skipping extracurricular activities, avoiding social gatherings, or spending excessive time alone in their room may be trying to escape situations that trigger their anxiety. This withdrawal can also extend to academics. A previously engaged student might start avoiding homework or school altogether because the pressure feels unmanageable. It is important to view this avoidance not as laziness, but as a coping mechanism for overwhelming stress.

Perfectionism and Overachievement

While it might seem counterintuitive, extreme perfectionism can be a major red flag for anxiety. Teens who are terrified of making mistakes or failing may overcompensate by obsessing over grades, appearance, or performance. They may spend hours on a single assignment, rewrite notes repeatedly, or become deeply distressed by a minor critique. This relentless drive is often fueled by a deep-seated fear of not being good enough or facing harsh judgment.

Physical Symptoms Often Overlooked

Because teens may not recognize their emotional distress, their bodies often bear the burden. Somatic symptoms are physical manifestations of psychological stress and are highly prevalent in anxious adolescents.

Unexplained Aches and Pains

Frequent complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or muscle tension, especially before school or social events, are classic somatic signs of anxiety. If medical evaluations consistently rule out physical causes, it is highly likely that stress is the root of these discomforts. The body is quite literally holding onto the tension of an overactive nervous system.

Sleep Disturbances and Fatigue

Anxiety and sleep are deeply interconnected. A teen with anxiety may struggle to fall asleep because their mind races with worries about the future or replays social interactions from the day. Conversely, they might oversleep as a form of escape. Chronic sleep disruption inevitably leads to daytime fatigue, difficulty concentrating, and a further decline in emotional regulation, creating a vicious cycle.

How Parents and Caregivers Can Help

Supporting an anxious teenager requires patience, empathy, and a non-judgmental approach. Your reaction to their behavior can either escalate their anxiety or help them feel safe enough to open up.

Create a Safe, Non-Judgmental Space

Instead of immediately correcting or criticizing their behavior, approach them with curiosity and compassion. Use open-ended questions like, “I have noticed you seem a bit stressed lately, and I want to understand how you are feeling.” Validate their emotions by acknowledging that their feelings are real and understandable, even if the trigger seems minor to you.

Model Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Teens learn by observing the adults around them. Demonstrate healthy ways to manage stress in your own life. Talk openly about your own challenges and how you use strategies like deep breathing, taking walks, or setting boundaries to cope. Showing that managing mental health is a normal, ongoing practice removes the stigma and provides them with a practical blueprint.

When to Seek Professional Support

While parental support is invaluable, professional intervention is sometimes necessary to help a teen develop robust coping skills. If your teen's anxiety is significantly interfering with their daily functioning, academic performance, or relationships, it is time to seek expert guidance.

Engaging in Teens and Young Adults Therapy in Ottawa provides a confidential, supportive environment where adolescents can explore their feelings with a trained professional. Therapists use evidence-based approaches, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, to help teens identify distorted thought patterns, build emotional regulation skills, and gradually face their fears in a safe, structured manner.

Building Long-Term Resilience in Your Teen

Overcoming anxiety is not about eliminating stress entirely, but about building the resilience to navigate it effectively. Encourage your teen to maintain a balanced lifestyle that includes regular physical activity, nutritious meals, and adequate sleep. Help them cultivate hobbies and interests that provide a sense of accomplishment and joy outside of academic or social pressures.

If you are unsure how to best support your teen or if you feel overwhelmed by the situation yourself, consulting a licensed psychologist in Ottawa can provide you with tailored guidance. Professional support ensures that both you and your teen have the right tools and resources to foster a healthy, resilient mindset for the future.

Conclusion

Anxiety in teenagers is common, but it is not something they have to navigate alone. By looking beyond the surface and recognizing the hidden behavioral, emotional, and physical signs of anxiety, you can intervene early and effectively. Approach your teen with empathy, foster open communication, and do not hesitate to seek professional support when needed. With the right guidance and a strong support system, your teen can learn to manage their anxiety and step into adulthood with confidence and resilience.

“ (... ) Bütün bu düşündüklerim, biliyorum, bütün bunlar romantika. Kaç yıldır ömrüm romantika.”

İzmir- Kültürpark, Bir Ömrün Seyrüseferi

Communication is the lifeblood of any healthy relationship. However, when stress, misunderstandings, or unresolved conflicts take over, couples can easily fall into destructive communication patterns. These negative cycles can quickly erode trust, breed resentment, and leave both partners feeling unheard and disconnected. The good news is that these patterns are not permanent. By recognizing the triggers and implementing intentional, evidence-based strategies, you can break the cycle and rebuild a foundation of mutual respect and understanding.

Understanding the Anatomy of a Negative Communication Cycle

Negative communication rarely happens in a vacuum. It is usually a predictable, repetitive loop where each partner's reaction fuels the other's distress. Understanding the mechanics of this loop is the first step toward dismantling it.

The Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic

One of the most common patterns is the pursuer-distancer dynamic. One partner seeks closeness, validation, or resolution, often becoming critical or demanding when their needs are not met. The other partner feels overwhelmed or attacked, leading them to withdraw, shut down, or avoid the conversation entirely. This withdrawal only intensifies the first partner's anxiety, creating a self-perpetuating loop of pursuit and retreat that leaves both individuals feeling deeply frustrated.

Criticism and Defensiveness

Another toxic cycle involves criticism met with defensiveness. When one partner uses absolute language like “you always” or “you never,” it feels like a personal attack on their character. The natural response is to defend oneself, counterattack, or make excuses. This shifts the focus away from the actual issue and turns the conversation into a battle of who is right, leaving the core problem entirely unresolved and creating a hostile environment.

The Hidden Costs of Toxic Communication Patterns

Allowing negative communication to persist takes a severe toll on the relationship and the individuals within it. The damage is often cumulative, worsening over time if left unaddressed.

Emotional Erosion and Resentment

Over time, constant bickering or stonewalling chips away at emotional intimacy. Partners may begin to view each other as adversaries rather than allies. Unresolved grievances accumulate, transforming into deep-seated resentment that makes future interactions even more hostile, guarded, and emotionally exhausting for everyone involved.

Physical and Mental Health Impacts

The stress of chronic relationship conflict keeps the nervous system in a prolonged state of fight or flight. This sustained tension can lead to sleep disturbances, chronic fatigue, heightened anxiety, and a weakened immune system. Your mental well-being is directly tied to the quality of your closest relationships, making healthy communication a vital component of overall health.

Actionable Strategies to Shift the Dynamic

Breaking a deeply ingrained communication cycle requires conscious effort, patience, and a willingness to change your default responses. Here are proven strategies to help you transform your interactions.

Practice Active and Empathetic Listening

Most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. Active listening involves giving your full attention, putting away digital distractions, and reflecting back what you heard. Try saying, “It sounds like you felt overlooked when I made that decision without consulting you.” Validating your partner's feelings does not mean you agree with their perspective, but it demonstrates respect and immediately lowers their defensive walls, paving the way for productive dialogue.

Use “I” Statements Instead of Blame

Shift your language from accusatory “you” statements to expressive “I” statements. Instead of saying, “You never help around the house,” try, “I feel overwhelmed when I have to manage all the chores alone, and I would appreciate some help.” This approach takes ownership of your emotions and invites collaboration rather than triggering an immediate fight or flight response.

Implement the Pause and Reset Technique

When a conversation becomes heated and heart rates rise, rational thinking shuts down. Agree on a neutral signal to pause the discussion before it escalates into harmful territory. Take a twenty-minute break to cool down, engage in a calming activity like deep breathing, and then return to the conversation with a clearer, more regulated mindset ready to find a solution.

The Role of Professional Guidance in Healing

Sometimes, negative communication patterns are so deeply entrenched that breaking them alone feels impossible. Years of built-up resentment or fundamental differences in communication styles often require an objective, trained perspective to untangle safely.

Engaging in Couples Therapy in Ottawa provides a safe, structured environment where both partners can voice their concerns without fear of escalation. A skilled therapist can help you identify your specific negative cycle, teach you new communication tools, and facilitate healing conversations that restore trust, empathy, and intimacy.

Building a Foundation for Long-Term Connection

Changing how you communicate is not a one-time fix. It is an ongoing practice of mutual respect and emotional attunement. Make it a daily habit to check in with each other, express genuine gratitude for small actions, and prioritize quality time together without distractions.

If you find that individual anxieties, depression, or past traumas are heavily influencing your relationship dynamics, seeking support from a licensed psychologist in Ottawa can help you address these underlying issues. Individual growth often catalyzes positive changes in the relationship as a whole, creating a healthier, more secure dynamic for both partners.

Conclusion

Breaking the cycle of negative communication is one of the most profound investments you can make in your relationship. By recognizing destructive patterns, practicing empathetic listening, and utilizing “I” statements, you can transform conflict from a source of division into an opportunity for deeper understanding. Remember that progress takes patience and consistent effort. With the right tools and a shared commitment to growth, you can build a resilient, loving partnership that thrives for years to come.

Ode to My Brother 

Aaron,

born with a spark

that needed no introduction,

a light that arrived already shining—

unveiled, unfiltered, unmistakable.

There was a warmth in you

that felt like sunlight after rain,

a quickness of spirit

that made rooms brighter

simply because you stepped inside.

People felt you

before they ever knew your name.

Your laugh carried its own kind of mercy,

your smile its own quiet rebellion

against the heaviness life placed on your shoulders.

Fragile and fierce,

you held both fire and gentleness

in the same breath.

You moved through this world

with a disarming openness—

a natural ease,

a magnetism that didn’t boast

but simply was.

Strangers became friends,

and friends felt seen

in ways they couldn’t explain.

The storms you bore

would have broken lesser men,

yet you kept rising,

again and again,

seeking the truest version of yourself—

the one we glimpsed

in flashes of brilliance and joy.

That was always you.

That was always real.

Your story deserved more chapters,

but your life was never small.

You touched lives quietly, deeply,

leaving imprints that still glow

in the hearts you brushed past.

You were laughter in dim places,

kindness when no one expected it,

a soul whose presence lingered

long after the moment passed.

Though your journey here is done,

your light endures—

in every memory spoken aloud,

in every heart you warmed,

in the beauty of who you were

and the love you gave freely.

Aaron,

beloved son,

beloved brother,

beloved friend—

you remain.

Not in the sorrow of your leaving,

but in the radiance

you gave to us while you were here.

– Anthony

Deciding to ask for mental health support is one of the most courageous steps a person can take. Yet, for many, this decision is clouded by fear, shame, and the pervasive stigma surrounding psychological care. Society has made great strides in normalizing conversations about mental health, but outdated beliefs still prevent countless individuals from seeking the help they need. Overcoming this stigma is not just about changing public perception. It is about dismantling the internal barriers that keep you from prioritizing your own well-being. This guide explores the roots of mental health stigma and provides actionable strategies to help you confidently seek the support you deserve.

Understanding the Roots of Mental Health Stigma

Stigma is not a single entity. It is a complex mix of societal attitudes, cultural norms, and internalized beliefs that label mental health struggles as a sign of weakness or personal failure.

Societal and Cultural Misconceptions

Historically, mental health conditions were misunderstood and heavily stigmatized. While modern medicine recognizes these conditions as legitimate health issues, residual cultural myths persist. Some communities still view therapy as a luxury or a taboo subject, while others equate psychological distress with a lack of resilience. These misconceptions create an environment where individuals feel they must hide their struggles to avoid judgment or professional repercussions.

The Myth of Self-Reliance

A major driver of internal stigma is the cultural glorification of self-reliance. We are often taught from a young age to handle our problems independently and to view asking for help as a burden to others. This mindset leads to the false belief that you should be able to “tough it out” or “fix it yourself.” When you inevitably struggle under the weight of unmanaged stress or trauma, this myth transforms into intense self-criticism and shame.

The Real Cost of Suffering in Silence

Avoiding mental health support due to stigma carries a heavy price. The consequences of untreated psychological distress extend far beyond temporary discomfort.

Impact on Physical and Emotional Health

When you suppress your emotional pain, your body keeps the score. Chronic stress and unaddressed mental health conditions manifest physically. Common symptoms include persistent fatigue, disrupted sleep patterns, digestive issues, and a weakened immune system. Emotionally, avoiding support often leads to heightened anxiety, deepening depression, and a pervasive sense of hopelessness.

Strained Relationships and Isolation

Stigma thrives in isolation. When you hide your struggles, you inadvertently build walls between yourself and your loved ones. Friends and family may notice a change in your behavior but feel shut out, leading to misunderstandings and conflict. Over time, the effort required to maintain a facade of being “fine” becomes exhausting, pushing you further into loneliness and depriving you of the very support network that could help you heal.

Actionable Strategies to Overcome Internal and External Stigma

Breaking free from the grip of stigma requires intentional effort and a shift in perspective. Here are proven strategies to help you navigate this journey.

Reframe Help-Seeking as a Strength

The first step is to change your internal narrative. Recognize that acknowledging your limits and seeking professional guidance is an act of profound self-awareness and courage. Just as you would not hesitate to see a doctor for a broken bone or a persistent cough, your mental health deserves the same level of care and attention. Viewing therapy as a proactive tool for personal growth, rather than a last resort for crisis, removes the shame associated with it.

Educate Yourself and Others

Knowledge is a powerful antidote to stigma. Take the time to learn about the psychological mechanisms behind stress, anxiety, or depression. Understanding that these are common, treatable conditions rooted in biology and environment helps depersonalize the struggle. When you feel safe doing so, sharing your own experiences or simply speaking openly about mental health can help normalize the topic for those around you, creating a ripple effect of acceptance.

Start with Small, Manageable Steps

If the idea of formal therapy feels overwhelming, start small. You might begin by confiding in one trusted friend or family member. Alternatively, you can explore mental health resources anonymously, such as reading reputable articles, listening to psychology podcasts, or using guided meditation apps. These low-pressure steps can build your confidence and prepare you for more direct forms of support.

The Role of Professional Support in Breaking the Cycle

While self-guided strategies are valuable, professional intervention is often necessary to untangle deeply ingrained patterns of shame and distress. A trained therapist provides an objective, confidential space where you can explore your feelings without fear of judgment.

Taking the step to engage in Individual Therapy in Ottawa is a powerful declaration that your mental health matters. In this setting, a licensed professional can help you identify the root causes of your distress, challenge stigmatizing beliefs, and develop personalized coping mechanisms. Therapy is not about fixing a broken person. It is about equipping a capable person with the right tools to navigate life's complexities.

Building a Supportive Environment for Mental Wellness

Overcoming stigma is not solely an individual responsibility. It requires cultivating environments that actively promote psychological safety and well-being.

In your personal life, this means setting boundaries with people who dismiss or minimize your experiences. It also involves surrounding yourself with individuals who validate your feelings and encourage your growth. In the broader community, it means advocating for mental health resources and supporting policies that make care accessible to everyone.

If you are ready to take the next step in your healing journey, connecting with a reputable psychology clinic in Ottawa can provide the structured, compassionate care you need. These professionals are dedicated to fostering a welcoming atmosphere where your concerns are heard, your progress is celebrated, and your path to recovery is fully supported.

Conclusion

The stigma surrounding mental health support is a formidable barrier, but it is not insurmountable. By understanding the roots of these misconceptions, reframing help-seeking as a strength, and taking small, intentional steps, you can reclaim your right to healing. Remember that your struggles do not define your worth, and asking for help is a testament to your resilience. You deserve to live a life free from the heavy burden of silence. Embrace the courage to reach out, and allow professional support to guide you toward a healthier, more authentic future.

Welcome to my blog.

First published in 2006, this foundational article is essential to understanding how your environment affects your mind—and thoughts…

This edition of The Doctor’s Notes deals with the effects of cosmic energy on mental stability. Could this be the true source of the much of the problems we all face in the world?

While it is a common wives’ tale that the full moon affects the general population’s “sanity” once each month, there is a growing body of scientific evidence that cosmic energy has a direct influence on an individual’s mental stability.

The absolute sum of this dark energy leads all of us to behave much differently than if this energy was not present.

The source of this cosmic energy is generally cosmic rays from the sun and other stars, electromagnetic energy that constantly bombards all of us every day of our lives. On a disturbing note, a growing amount of man-made source of high level electromagnetic energy is also having an influence on our minds as well. The absolute sum of this dark energy leads all of us to behave much differently than if this energy was not present.

Historical Effects of Dark Energy

Throughout history, periodic acts of group insanity can be tied directly to solar flares or other cosmic events that show high radiation levels. Even more important, if it seems that the previous century demonstrated a singularly high level of mental instability and psychosis, one would be more than right—one would be absolutely correct.

With the rise of the Industrial Age and advanced technology, especially during the 20th Century, it can be documented that the frequency of insanity or acts of psychosis has grown dramatically. And this rate of growth is much more than can be explained through simple population growth alone—there has to be an outside influence.

The bottom line is this: this dark energy affects the choices and actions we all make, every day.

The effects of cosmic energy on the human body are both dramatically spectacular and deceptively sublime. They are also cumulative over the life of the individual. The effects can manifest themselves in ways that range from the serial killings of Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dahmer to the otherwise easily explainable belief that your cubical mate—or your husband—is plotting to take something from you. The bottom line is this: this dark energy affects the choices and actions we all make, every day.

Extreme behavior such as a mass or serial killer is obviously explainable as being influenced by cosmic energy, but what is not so obvious is the effect it has on so-called “normal” people. What in the past might be shrugged off as simple irritation or quirky behavior is in fact another manifestation of the dark energy passing through our bodies every second of every day.

The Solution: engenetics^.org

As my semi-enlightened colleagues frequently say, admitting you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery. They are only partially correct. Yes, identifying the problem is critical, even essential. But without an adequate solution, identification is less than meaningless.

During the previous century, there was a good deal of talk about using thin metal helmets (or TMH’s) to block cosmic energy. Usually this was professed in conjunction with extraterrestrials or other sources of mind control. Based on the current body of evidence, TMH’s would have no preventative effect when dealing with aliens, and the effects on preventing mind control are only a part of the problem.

No, the problem is the total SUM of electromagnetic energy that is being directed at all of us. As was demonstrated by Gorki Sunderland at MIT (see the collected case notes at the Center) due to the parabolic shape of the human skull, TMH’s actual focus the resulting energy, causing the effects of the high energy particles to be more harmful than beneficially blocking them.

What You Can Do

Fortunately, engenetics^.org can help. Through learning to pinpoint your Heisenberg centers and the use of personal firewalls, a trained individual can effectively “block out” the dark energy and make more rational, logical decisions.

And because this energy acts as both particles and waves, this blocking method using an individual’s Heisenberg center is most effective. While this technique works extremely well for a trained individual, only a very few can extend their blocking range to include others. So while we at the Center have come so far, there is much more to do.

But rest assured: we are close. This dark energy will continue to be an insidious menace to all of humanity until through dedicated research and development, we find the means to block it for more people. We need your generosity and support to continue this research and find the answers we so obviously need.

As always, we only ask that you donate what you are comfortable giving. Ω

Dr. M. E. Tabyánan Executive Director and Founder The Center for engenetics^.org Studies

“The coming decade will see many changes in our thoughts, and even in our minds.” —International Millenium Technology Conference, June 2000

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Ask The Doctor!

Question: Why does my family hate me? —Harold Cruthers, Dallas TX, USA The Doctor: It is not that your family hates you, per se, but that their quantum levels are in conflict with yours. It’s quite simple, really. I hope this answers your question.

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What Others Are Saying

“I believe in the results of engenetics.org, no matter what anyone says. They are scientifically proven.” —Dieter Merkel, Berlin, Germany

“Dr. M. E. Tabyánan helped me with my marriage and family. He’s the best.” —Thomas Gaither, Atlanta, GA, USA

“I can’t believe that anyone would want to hurt The Doctor. He is our only salvation!” —Peter George, Oklahoma City, OK, USA

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#thedoctorsnotes #cosmicenergy #heisenbergcenter #personalfirewalls

Facebook pretty much banned me.

Not because I threatened somebody.  Not because I was spreading hate.  Not because I was trying to hurt anybody.

I was preaching Jesus.

And I’m not the only one. Someone else in my church—someone who was simply spreading the Gospel—had the same thing happen to them.

Mine started with an Instagram account.

Facebook told me an Instagram account connected to me had violated their rules.

There was just one problem:

IT WASN’T MY INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT.

I had never created it. Never used it. Never even knew it existed.

Somebody had apparently hacked their way into my Facebook world, and somehow I was the one who got punished.

So I tried to explain it.

But you don’t sit down with a human being at Facebook.

You talk to screens.

Forms.

Automated systems.

Digital walls with no face on the other side.

I explained, “That Instagram account isn’t mine.”

I showed them my real account.

I tried to straighten out the mess.

And eventually I was warned that if I kept emailing, my Facebook account could be canceled.

Think about that.

I was trying to tell them:

“SOMEBODY GOT INTO MY ACCOUNT.”

And somehow the man asking for help became the problem.

So today, my Facebook presence is crippled.

I can sometimes use the website, but the app tells me I’m kicked off. Long posts are difficult. Videos are difficult. Sometimes I have to upload a video somewhere else, wait for it, copy the link, and bring it back to Facebook just to share a message.

I used to have around 2,000 followers.

And yes—it bothered me.

Because I wasn’t trying to build some little kingdom for myself.

I WAS TRYING TO REACH PEOPLE FOR JESUS CHRIST.

But then something happened.

Something I never expected.

While one door was being slammed in my face…

God started opening doors Facebook couldn’t control.

Hospital doors.

Nursing-home doors.

Hospice doors.

Bedroom doors where families are whispering because somebody they love is dying.

I started meeting people face-to-face.

Not followers.

People.

Not likes.

Lives.

Not comments underneath a video.

Tears running down somebody’s face.

I remember one woman.

Cancer.

Her abdomen was swollen and hard.

Death wasn’t an abstract theological subject anymore.

Death was standing in the room.

I asked her one of the questions I sometimes ask:

“Is there anything left unsaid or undone?”

She looked at me and said:

“I want to reconnect.”

Reconnect?

I asked, “Do you mean reconnect with your faith?”

“Yes.”

I asked about her church background.

Baptist.

And suddenly I understood exactly what she was asking me for.

I said, “I know the prayer you want to pray.”

And there, in that room, far away from Facebook algorithms, community standards, account restrictions, follower counts and computer screens…

a dying woman called upon Jesus Christ.

She accepted Him as her personal Lord and Savior.

About a week later…

she went home to see Him.

And Facebook wasn’t there.

There wasn’t a livestream.

There weren’t 2,000 followers watching.

There weren’t hundreds of likes.

There was just a dying woman…

a chaplain…

and Jesus.

That’s when something finally hit me.

For years I thought social media was helping me reach the world.

Maybe it was.

But when that door nearly slammed shut, God reminded me:

THE GOSPEL NEVER NEEDED FACEBOOK.

As a pastor, I might see a few people come to Christ over the course of several months.

But today?

I’m sitting beside people who are staring eternity in the face.

I’m meeting people who want to come home.

I’m meeting people who want to reconnect.

I’m meeting people who need somebody to take their hand and remind them:

Jesus is still here.

So yes, Facebook restricted me.

Yes, they made it harder.

Yes, I believe I was punished for something I didn’t do.

But somewhere along the way, what felt like punishment became a strange kind of blessing.

Because Facebook pushed me away from a screen…

and God pushed me toward a bedside.

Facebook can restrict an account.

Facebook can cripple an app.

Facebook can limit a post.

Facebook can bury a video.

Facebook can take away followers.

BUT FACEBOOK CANNOT BLOCK A HOSPITAL DOOR GOD HAS OPENED.

They cannot stop me from taking somebody’s hand.

They cannot stop me from praying with the dying.

They cannot stop a frightened person from whispering the name of Jesus.

They cannot stop grace from entering a nursing-home room.

They cannot stop the Holy Spirit.

And they certainly cannot stop Jesus Christ from saving somebody who calls upon His name.

So if somebody shuts your door…

LOOK FOR GOD’S DOOR.

If somebody takes away your platform…

LOOK FOR YOUR ASSIGNMENT.

Because sometimes God will let you lose the crowd…

so you can find the one.

And somewhere tonight, behind a closed door, there may be somebody with no followers, no platform and very little time left…

waiting for someone to walk into that room and tell them about Jesus.

And there isn’t a thing Facebook can do about it.