At the forge And lonely to us now Pay for here And Scotland code This I am A lover unto you At distance might And in dispense of never The hearts of men Witnesses implore To help us her At better best deliver Knowing then To just escape The right and unrely When Heavens move We will know the West And win the work Ahead for all In Canada, we pray The Justice then Our here.

I am a team player.

I began a journey several years ago as a collaborative-type musician. I love all the instruments, only play a few. I love hearing people play on tunes Keri and I have written. I love listening to indie musicians and getting their sounds in my head, then asking them to join where I hear them. I love the camaraderie. I love working on songs as a group. I love correspondence. So it made sense for me to pick this route. What I am learning today has to do with all that.

If they like you, they probably won’t critique you, which is a shame.

As a bipolar person, I have an impulsive streak. Maybe not a streak, to be honest. Maybe I have a gaping chasm of impulsivity that governs at least half of my behavior. Thinking years down the road is not my strong suit. But I am getting better. I try. I feel bad about hastily removing or taking down videos and songs. Some had collaborators who could have possibly given their friends and family those links. I was wrong to go about leaving socials the way I did. I was wrong to take some things down. I am trying to correct as much as possible with quality ingredients, but most of the musicians I have worked with do not speak to me anymore. They used to be friendly. I have to guess why that is. They won’t tell me. Perhaps if we were strangers, I’d get an earful of why I piss them off that I could use in choosing future behavior. I just have to guess. Friends don’t do that anymore. I lose out on that, as a mental patient. Friends have historically helped me with honest talks. Aside from Keri, this rarely ever happens anymore, despite having “friends.”

Learning can be painful, for everyone.

As I am still making lots of music, still collaborating, I am trying my best to make plans for the music and assets to be somewhere for a long time, and that’s specifically for collaborators. They deserve that for helping. I am very sorry I never thought of this until recently, if you have collaborated with me. I guess I haven’t thought about numbers, or anyone else liking the songs, or how convenient it might be for you to share a link of a song you’re on, or how nice it is when the art looks nice for you to share with a non-muso. I am learning still, that much never changes, I hope. The downside is sometimes folks get hurt. I don’t want to hurt anyone, ever, not even MAGAs. But if I am not thinking of them, and taking actions, someone is bound to get stomped on. It isn’t aimed at anyone, I even do it to myself.

What about a book on a psychiatric disorder? Pick a disorder, doesn’t have to be mine. Maybe you know someone with a different one.

I wish everyone could read “Bipolar Disorder for Dummies” or something, but seeing as I am a small percentage of the population, allegedly, no one has time for it except Keri. I’ve tried to get family to read it so they could learn how much of me is in that book, how much of me is mental illness, but no one has except Keri, that I know of. The rest of the family besides Dad hasn’t spoken to me in years. Not even my kids, sister, no one. I wonder if we’d still talk if they had read it, I don’t think I’ll ever know. One of those tough pills for me.

I don’t expect forgiveness, I don’t expect a loaded inbox. I just want to do what is right.

I do not expect grace from anyone. I don’t think expecting grace is graceful, one of my many religious issues. But I find it applies with people too. I think I would get a little more if everyone read that book. But I would never expect them to.

A Promise:

I vow from here on out to take care of collaborators, even years after release. I also promise to get older material looking sharp and posted nicely somewhere so collaborators can click on their handy-work. They have earned that much. Even if we no longer speak, they already have that in the bank. This is how it’ll be, sera.

For the future:

When you think about a collaboration, you may not be thinking a year or five down the road. I urge you to consider that in your initial plans. It is always nice when they come back for round 2. If they can’t find their stuff online, they might not bother.

Kelly Kintner

Editor, Producer

YouTube (this is pretty new, trying to make it nice)

(23 people on this one CD.)

J just left, we worked out and then tried to cover this song by beebadobie and Laufey, and hoo boy. I will say I am proud we covered the whole thing, even if parts of it I’m not happy with. I am still proud because perfect becomes the enemy of good. We also are waking up early as fuck tomorrow to go to LA with friends and we are cooked. She said this would have been a perfect day to sleepover, and I’m glad to be in this position in life.

The Blue Monkey Story II- Chapter 2

The following morning, Sergeant Pierce Hayward arrived at the Wescott County Sheriff's Office shortly before seven, having slept for approximately five and a half hours. This was not an especially generous amount of sleep, but it represented an improvement over the previous night, and Pierce felt reasonably well rested. He had intended to leave the station by eight the preceding evening, but a telephone conversation with the evidence technician had delayed his departure, and he had subsequently remembered several reports that needed to be reviewed before the weekend. By the time he finished these tasks, it was after ten. He went home, ate a sandwich assembled from the last two slices of bread in his kitchen, and watched several minutes of television before realizing that he had no interest in whatever program was being broadcast. He then went to bed. This was a fairly typical evening for Pierce, who had developed the habit of treating his home primarily as a place to eat, bathe, and sleep. He occasionally entertained visitors, although most were relatives or former colleagues, and had not hosted anything resembling a party in nearly six years. His daughter Emily had once complained that his home was boring, an observation he found difficult to dispute because there was very little in it intended to entertain a twelve-year-old girl. He possessed books, a television, an old computer, and some exercise equipment that he rarely used, but no video game console, no board games beyond a chess set missing two pieces, and no particular collection of objects that might interest a child. He had considered purchasing some of these things but never regarded the matter as sufficiently urgent to justify a special shopping trip.

Pierce lived in a two-bedroom apartment occupying the lower floor of a house that had been converted into two separate residences many years earlier. The building stood in a quiet neighborhood near the western edge of Briar Glen, within reasonable driving distance of the sheriff's office. He had originally selected the apartment because it was inexpensive, offered convenient parking, and required him to perform relatively little maintenance. After separating from Christine, he had briefly considered purchasing a house of his own, but eventually decided that a larger property would simply create additional responsibilities. He had never particularly enjoyed mowing lawns, clearing gutters, or repairing household fixtures, and although he was capable of performing most ordinary maintenance work, he preferred not to spend his limited free time doing so. His landlord, a retired postal employee named Raymond Fletcher, lived upstairs and handled most repairs promptly, provided that Pierce informed him of the problem and did not attempt to fix it himself first. This arrangement suited both men. Fletcher appreciated having a quiet tenant who paid rent on time, while Pierce appreciated living somewhere that allowed him to ignore the condition of the exterior siding, roof, and surrounding grounds.

The apartment itself was not especially well maintained, although this was due primarily to Pierce's indifference rather than any particular failing on the landlord's part. It was structurally sound, reasonably clean, and adequately furnished, but several minor household inconveniences had persisted for months because Pierce never found time to address them. One kitchen cabinet had a loose hinge, a lamp in the living room occasionally flickered when switched on, and a drawer in the bathroom required an awkward upward motion before it could be opened. Pierce knew about all three problems and had considered fixing them on numerous occasions. He had even purchased a small screwdriver set for the cabinet hinge, but had subsequently placed the set in a closet and forgotten exactly where it was. None of these deficiencies significantly interfered with his daily life, and he had developed habits that accommodated them. He simply avoided opening the cabinet too widely, used a different lamp, and lifted the bathroom drawer slightly before pulling it toward him. This ability to tolerate minor domestic problems contrasted sharply with his professional behavior, since he was ordinarily unwilling to leave even small inconsistencies unresolved during an investigation.

On this particular morning, however, Pierce was concerned with an entirely different problem. Jonathan Xavier Smith had been missing for more than two days, and the department had yet to establish what happened after his motorcycle struck the maple tree on Farmer's Road. The investigation had produced a relatively complete account of Smith's movements before the collision, including his departure from home, the abandonment of his truck, and his overnight stay at Samuel Dobbins's farmhouse. It had also established that his motorcycle apparently lost control on a curve, left the roadway, and struck a tree with enough force to produce substantial damage and evidence of serious injury. What it had not established was how a person who had apparently been badly hurt could disappear from the scene without leaving an obvious trail. This problem interested Pierce considerably more than the precise circumstances of the collision itself. He had investigated enough motorcycle accidents to know that people sometimes approached curves too quickly, made steering errors, or lost control for reasons that were difficult to determine afterward. There was nothing particularly remarkable about an expensive motorcycle striking a tree. A severely injured motorcyclist vanishing afterward was another matter.

The first task of the day was to coordinate a renewed search of the surrounding countryside. Several deputies had been assigned to examine areas beyond those searched on Wednesday, with particular attention to the drainage channels and wooded parcels bordering the road. Captain Margaret Rowan had authorized additional personnel, although she had warned Pierce that the department could not indefinitely devote officers to searching the countryside without developing a more specific indication of where Smith might have gone. Pierce understood the concern and did not resent it. The sheriff's office was responsible for a substantial geographical area and possessed fewer personnel than a large urban police department. Even a relatively modest search could consume resources needed to respond to ordinary calls for service, and those ordinary calls did not stop merely because an investigation was underway. Nevertheless, Pierce believed that the seriousness of Smith's apparent injuries justified another attempt. If the man had crawled or wandered away from the collision, he might have sought shelter in a ditch, underbrush, or an abandoned structure. A search conducted too hastily might miss him, particularly if he was unconscious or concealed by vegetation.

Pierce drove to Farmer's Road shortly after seven-thirty to meet the deputies assigned to the operation. The weather was considerably better than it had been the previous morning, with scattered clouds and enough sunlight to illuminate portions of the roadside that had remained in shadow during the first search. The maple tree stood beside the curve exactly as it had on Wednesday, except that the motorcycle had been removed and portions of the damaged bark were now exposed. The grass remained flattened in several places, and small pieces of debris could still be seen among the vegetation despite the efforts of the evidence technicians to collect potentially relevant material. Pierce walked through the area with Deputy Martin Keene, whose tracking dog Atlas had failed to establish a reliable trail during the initial search. Keene explained that returning the dog might produce a different result under changed conditions, but he did not believe there was a strong likelihood of success after so much time had passed and so many people had visited the scene. Pierce agreed and decided that the available personnel would be better employed examining areas that had not previously received a thorough search.

The search was organized into several sectors identified on a map obtained from the county planning office. This map was not especially current, and several property boundaries had changed since its publication, but it provided a useful general representation of the surrounding roads, drainage features, and wooded parcels. Deputies were instructed to record which areas they examined and to notify the supervising officer before entering private property where permission or some other lawful basis for entry was required. Most of the nearby residents were cooperative, particularly after learning that the police were searching for a potentially injured man. One property owner, however, objected to officers crossing a portion of his land because he believed they might damage a recently planted vegetable garden. After a brief discussion, the officers agreed to avoid the garden and examine the adjoining wooded area from another direction. Pierce did not regard the objection as unreasonable. The owner had spent several weeks preparing the soil and planting the vegetables, and there was little reason to destroy the work when an alternative route was available.

The deputies searched for nearly four hours. They examined a narrow ravine, several drainage ditches, an overgrown access road, and the remains of a small hunting shelter that had apparently not been used for several years. The shelter contained an old mattress, empty beverage containers, and a broken camp chair, but there was no indication that anyone had recently occupied it. One deputy discovered a torn piece of dark fabric caught on a branch approximately two hundred yards from the road, but closer examination suggested that it had been exposed to the weather for a considerable period. The material was photographed and its location recorded before being collected because Pierce did not want to dismiss anything prematurely. Another deputy reported finding what appeared to be a small amount of dried blood on a rock near the drainage ditch. An evidence technician examined the material and collected a sample, although Pierce suspected it might be unrelated to the accident. Deer and other animals were common in the area, and natural events occasionally produced bloodstains that had no connection to human activity. The sample could be examined later if necessary. By eleven-thirty, the search had produced no indication of Smith's whereabouts. Pierce spoke with the supervising deputy, reviewed the areas covered, and concluded that the most obvious locations had now been examined with reasonable thoroughness. He was not prepared to declare that Smith could not be somewhere in the surrounding woods, but he recognized that additional searching without new information would probably produce diminishing returns. He instructed the deputies to document their work carefully and return to their regular assignments. The search could be resumed if witnesses or physical evidence suggested a specific location. Pierce then turned his attention to Smith's abandoned truck.

The truck had been found the previous afternoon on a remote stretch of Farmer's Road approximately thirty miles north of the place where John had apparently abandoned his motorcycle before walking to the farmhouse. It was a substantial pickup truck in relatively good condition, and the registered owner matched the name associated with the motorcycle. The vehicle was parked partly on the shoulder and partly on a narrow strip of compacted earth beside the road. There was no obvious collision damage, and its exterior condition suggested that it had not been abandoned for a long period. A deputy had photographed it from several positions and arranged for it to be secured rather than left indefinitely beside the road. Pierce reviewed these photographs and noted that the truck's cargo bed contained straps and hardware consistent with the transportation of a motorcycle. The straps were loose and had apparently been removed from whatever they had previously secured, a circumstance that agreed with Arthur Bell's statement that Smith had left home carrying a motorcycle in the truck.

Pierce wanted to know whether the truck contained anything that might explain why Smith had been traveling through Wescott County. In particular, he was interested in the printed directions Bell had mentioned during his telephone interview with Lenny. These directions had reportedly been obtained from the internet before Smith departed his residence, and they might identify his intended destination more precisely than the vague statement that he wanted to revisit an old neighborhood. The investigating officers had already observed several sheets of paper lying on the front passenger seat through the truck's window. After the vehicle was secured and the department had obtained the necessary authorization to examine its contents, an evidence technician opened the cab and began documenting what was found.

The truck was reasonably clean, although not immaculate. The driver's floor contained a small amount of dirt and gravel, and the center console held several receipts, a package of chewing gum, and a pair of sunglasses. The glove compartment contained the owner's manual, insurance documents, a flashlight, and several miscellaneous papers associated with vehicle maintenance. A nearly empty bottle of water lay in a cup holder, and a folded road map was stored behind the passenger seat. The map appeared to have been purchased several years earlier and showed portions of northern New York and neighboring states. Pierce found this mildly interesting because Smith had also printed directions from the internet, but he did not consider it contradictory. Many drivers carried paper maps as a precaution, particularly when traveling through unfamiliar rural areas where cellular telephone service could be unreliable.

The printed directions were found on the passenger seat. They consisted of several pages identifying a route from Smith's residence toward the town of Dunleigh, where he had apparently spent part of his earlier life. The directions included a long segment along Farmer's Road, with the distance associated with that segment exceeding one hundred miles. Pierce studied the document and considered how a driver unfamiliar with the area might interpret it. A person following printed directions without carefully comparing them to a map could continue along the same road for a considerable distance, particularly if the document did not clearly explain where a turn was required. Smith had apparently driven until his truck ran out of gasoline, unloaded the motorcycle, and continued in the same general direction. Pierce found this behavior imprudent, but not incomprehensible. Smith had been accustomed to having household employees and assistants manage many of his practical affairs, and it was possible that he had simply neglected to monitor his fuel supply. The fact that his motorcycle also ran out of gasoline suggested either an extraordinary degree of carelessness or an equally extraordinary run of bad luck.

One additional item attracted Pierce's attention. Beneath the printed directions was a small notebook containing several pages of handwritten observations, most of which appeared to concern music. There were fragments of lyrics, notes about songs, and a list of musicians whose names Pierce did not recognize. The handwriting varied in neatness, and several pages contained crossed-out passages and marginal comments. Pierce did not know whether the notebook belonged to Smith or had been placed in the truck by someone else, but its presence was consistent with Bell's account that Smith had once been interested in music. He photographed the relevant pages and noted the item for further examination. The notebook did not contain an obvious explanation for the disappearance, nor did it identify anyone Smith intended to meet. Nevertheless, Pierce found it somewhat unexpected that a wealthy attorney would carry unfinished song lyrics while traveling through the countryside. He reminded himself that successful professionals frequently maintained hobbies unrelated to their work and that there was no reason an attorney could not also be a musician.

The truck examination established very little beyond what the investigators already suspected. There was no apparent evidence of a struggle, no indication that someone had forcibly entered the vehicle, and no obvious reason to believe that Smith had abandoned it for anything other than mechanical necessity. A subsequent inspection could determine more precisely whether the fuel tank was empty and whether the truck had suffered a mechanical failure, but the preliminary circumstances supported the account provided by the farmer. Pierce was pleased to have corroborated part of the timeline, even though the discovery did not bring him any closer to locating the missing man. He returned to the station shortly after noon, intending to review the new reports and arrange additional interviews with Smith's family. Unfortunately, several other matters required his attention.

The first indication that Pierce's afternoon would not proceed as planned came from a message left on his desk by Marjorie Kessler. The message consisted of a yellow slip of paper on which Marjorie had written the name of a State Police investigator, a telephone number, and the words URGENT—JOHN DOE FILE. Beneath this she had added a case number and a note explaining that the investigator had already called twice. Pierce recognized the case number immediately, although he had not thought about the investigation for several months. It belonged to an unidentified deceased man whose remains had been discovered in Wescott County more than six years earlier. Pierce had assisted with the original investigation while serving as a detective and had subsequently become the principal departmental contact because several of the officers initially involved had retired or transferred to other assignments. He had never formally closed the case, but active investigative work had gradually diminished after repeated attempts to identify the man produced no results.

The remains had been discovered by two highway maintenance employees who were clearing vegetation from a drainage channel beside an old county road. The employees initially believed that a large animal had died among the brush, but closer examination revealed what appeared to be human clothing. They contacted the sheriff's office, and investigators subsequently recovered the body of an adult male whose identity could not be established. The remains were in poor condition, and there were no reliable identification documents among the belongings. The medical examiner had estimated the man's age within a relatively broad range, and investigators had documented several physical characteristics that might eventually assist with identification. His clothing was ordinary, his dental work was not sufficiently distinctive to produce an immediate match, and no local resident reported knowing anyone who resembled the available description. Investigators checked missing-person reports, circulated information to neighboring jurisdictions, and pursued several leads involving men who had disappeared from nearby communities. None proved fruitful. Eventually the case became one of several unresolved unidentified-decedent investigations maintained by the department.

Pierce remembered the case partly because it had frustrated him and partly because he had developed a considerable amount of sympathy for the unidentified man. The circumstances suggested that the deceased had possessed relatively few resources and may have been traveling through the county without a permanent residence. There was no certainty about this, however, and Pierce disliked the assumption that unidentified people were necessarily homeless. A person could lose identification under many circumstances, and decomposition could eliminate features that would otherwise make recognition straightforward. Nevertheless, the absence of anyone reporting the man missing had always troubled him. Somewhere, Pierce reasoned, there might be relatives, friends, or acquaintances who had wondered what became of him. There might also be nobody who cared very much. He considered the second possibility particularly sad, although he recognized that personal feelings were not evidence.

The message from the State Police appeared to suggest that new information had emerged concerning the old case. Pierce therefore telephoned the number Marjorie had written and asked to speak with Investigator Richard Malloy, who was assigned to a regional State Police investigations unit. Malloy was unavailable, but a woman who answered the telephone explained that he had been attempting to obtain information about an unidentified deceased man from Wescott County. Pierce said that he was familiar with the case and asked whether the inquiry concerned the remains found near County Route 18. The woman replied that she believed it did, although she was not entirely certain because Malloy had left several files on his desk and had not told her which one he wanted. Pierce provided the case number from Marjorie's note, and the woman examined the available paperwork before informing him that the number did not match the one she had. She suggested that he speak with the records office, which might be able to clarify the discrepancy. Pierce thanked her and accepted the transfer.

The State Police records office was located at a different facility. Pierce explained the situation to a civilian employee named Helen Voss, who had worked there for approximately fifteen years and possessed an admirable knowledge of the office's filing system. Unfortunately, she did not immediately recognize either case number. She asked Pierce to repeat the number from his message, then read back a slightly different number that she believed had been entered into the system. Pierce corrected her and explained that the number referred to a Wescott County investigation rather than a State Police case. Helen informed him that the number displayed in her records belonged to a separate investigation involving a missing adult male reported in a neighboring county. Pierce asked whether the State Police had been attempting to compare that missing person with the unidentified remains recovered in Wescott County, and Helen replied that this was possible, but she could not determine the purpose of the inquiry from the records available to her. She suggested that he speak directly with Investigator Malloy.

Pierce explained that he had already attempted to do so.

Helen apologized and offered to leave another message. Pierce thanked her, hung up, and looked at the clock. The conversation had consumed nearly twenty minutes and established little beyond the fact that two different cases were involved. He returned to his other work, intending to wait for Malloy to call back. Unfortunately, before he could begin reviewing the truck examination report, the telephone rang again. This time the caller was an investigator from a neighboring sheriff's office who wanted to know whether Pierce had requested information about a missing man named Thomas Ellery. Pierce had never heard of Thomas Ellery and explained that he had not requested information about him. The investigator replied that a State Police message identified Pierce as the Wescott County contact for a comparison involving Ellery and an unidentified body. Pierce asked whether the unidentified body was the one recovered near County Route 18, and the investigator said that he believed so, although the message he received listed a different case number. Pierce requested that the message be read to him in full.

The resulting confusion became apparent gradually rather than all at once. Thomas Ellery had disappeared from a neighboring county approximately seven years earlier. His family had recently contacted the State Police after learning about an unidentified-person database, and an investigator had begun reviewing older unidentified-decedent cases that might conceivably match Ellery's physical description. Wescott County's unresolved John Doe case was among those selected for preliminary review. A request had therefore been sent to obtain the medical examiner's records and any available identifying information. Somewhere during the transmission of this request, however, a document from an unrelated investigation had been attached to the correspondence. The attached document referred to a different unidentified man whose remains had been recovered in another part of the state, and the receiving office had apparently assumed that the two documents concerned the same deceased person. The problem was compounded when an employee attempted to correct the case number and inadvertently replaced the Wescott County identifier with a number belonging to the State Police investigation of Ellery's disappearance.

This explanation was not immediately available to Pierce, who had to reconstruct it through a series of telephone conversations with people possessing different portions of the correspondence. The neighboring investigator knew why the Ellery family had contacted authorities but did not know who had attached the incorrect document. Helen Voss could identify the State Police case numbers but had not been involved in preparing the original request. Marjorie Kessler could locate Wescott County's file but did not know why the State Police were suddenly referring to a deceased person whose physical characteristics differed from those documented in the county's records. The regional medical examiner's office possessed the original unidentified-decedent information but had received a request that appeared to concern two different cases. Each person Pierce spoke with was generally cooperative, and none behaved in a manner that could fairly be described as incompetent. Nevertheless, the exchange of incomplete information among several offices produced a situation in which everyone believed someone else possessed the explanation.

Pierce was transferred between telephone extensions repeatedly. On one occasion he waited nearly seven minutes while a records employee attempted to locate a file that had been moved to an off-site storage facility. When the employee returned, she explained that the file had not actually been moved but had been listed under an obsolete classification. On another occasion, Pierce was asked to provide the date of the unidentified man's death, a fact that had never been established with sufficient precision to identify a particular day. He explained that the body had been recovered on a known date but that the medical examiner had estimated an interval during which death might have occurred. The person requesting the information replied that the computer system required a specific date. Pierce suggested using the recovery date while clearly identifying it as such, but the employee explained that the available field was labeled date of death and that entering a recovery date might be misleading. Pierce agreed that this was a legitimate concern and asked how the department ordinarily handled unidentified-decedent cases in which the date of death was unknown. The employee did not know and suggested that he contact a supervisor.

By two o'clock, Pierce had begun to lose patience. He had now spent a substantial portion of the afternoon dealing with an investigation that, as far as he could determine, had no connection to Jonathan Xavier Smith. He had not reviewed the remaining truck evidence, had not contacted Henry James Smith, and had not made the necessary arrangements to interview Arthur Bell in person. He also had several reports waiting for approval and a message from Captain Rowan asking him to update the status of the missing-person search. Each time he attempted to complete one of these tasks, another telephone call required him to reconstruct some portion of the administrative confusion. He considered asking Marjorie to handle the matter but decided that she could not reasonably be expected to resolve questions concerning the original investigation without repeatedly consulting him. He had been involved in the unidentified-decedent case and possessed firsthand knowledge of its history, making him the most appropriate person to answer questions about it.

At approximately 2:15, Investigator Malloy finally returned Pierce's call. Malloy was forty-four years old and had worked for the State Police for nearly twenty years, including nine as an investigator. He was courteous, experienced, and somewhat embarrassed by the confusion. He explained that his unit had been attempting to compare Ellery's description with several unidentified remains cases, including Wescott County's John Doe. The erroneous document had been attached by an administrative employee who believed it belonged to the same file because the cover sheets contained similar abbreviations. Both files used the designation JD to refer to unidentified deceased persons, and the numerical portions of their identifiers were similar enough that a hurried employee had selected the wrong record. The subsequent attempt to correct the error had created additional confusion rather than resolving it.

Pierce asked whether the State Police possessed any information suggesting that the Wescott County remains belonged to Thomas Ellery. Malloy replied that the comparison was preliminary and that there was currently no evidence establishing a connection. In fact, he had already obtained enough information to conclude that Ellery's documented physical characteristics were inconsistent with several characteristics of the Wescott County decedent. The inquiry had therefore become unnecessary, but the mistaken correspondence remained in circulation and needed to be corrected so that future investigators would not rely on inaccurate records. Pierce agreed with the importance of correcting the information, although he expressed frustration that the process had required so much of his time. Malloy apologized and offered to contact the remaining agencies himself.

Pierce appreciated the offer but wanted to make certain that the original records would remain intact. He therefore spent another half hour confirming the correct case numbers, identifying the source of the erroneous attachment, and ensuring that each agency understood which records belonged to which investigation. He then prepared a brief memorandum documenting the matter for Wescott County's own file. The memorandum was not especially complicated, but Pierce believed it important to preserve a record of the correction because similar confusion might arise again if someone reviewed the correspondence years later. He also made a note to ensure that the older unidentified-decedent file retained its original medical examiner information and that the mistaken comparison did not appear as a confirmed identification or exclusion without appropriate supporting documentation. By the time the matter was resolved, it was nearly three.

Pierce had spent more than two and a half hours making telephone calls, reviewing documents, and correcting administrative errors. The result was that several agencies now possessed accurate information about two unrelated investigations, a useful accomplishment in principle but one that had produced no new evidence concerning either case. Thomas Ellery remained missing. The Wescott County John Doe remained unidentified. Jonathan Xavier Smith remained missing as well.

Pierce leaned back in his chair and rubbed his forehead.

He was not angry with any particular person. Most of the individuals he had spoken with had performed their jobs reasonably well, and the original mistake appeared to have been an ordinary filing error rather than a serious act of negligence. Nevertheless, he found it profoundly irritating that so much effort could be consumed by correcting information that had been perfectly accurate before the confusion began. He considered the afternoon a practical demonstration of how administrative systems, despite being designed to organize work, could occasionally create work of their own. Lenny entered the office while Pierce was finishing the memorandum. “You look happy,” he observed.

Pierce explained what had happened, initially in a few sentences and then at greater length when Lenny asked why the error could not simply have been corrected by the first person who noticed it. Pierce described the multiple case numbers, the mistaken attachment, and the difficulty of determining which office controlled the various records. Lenny listened for several minutes before laughing and suggesting that the department should establish a special unit devoted entirely to correcting paperwork generated by other units. Pierce replied that such a unit would probably create additional paperwork requiring correction, which Lenny agreed was likely. He then asked whether anything useful had emerged concerning Smith, and Pierce answered that he had barely been able to work on the case since returning from Farmer's Road.

“Well,” Lenny said, “you're going to love what I've got to tell you.”

Pierce looked at him.

“Please don't.”

“They found a body in the river.”

The body had been discovered shortly after noon by two men fishing from a small aluminum boat on the Bellwether River, several miles west of Briar Glen. The Bellwether was not a particularly large river, but it flowed through a considerable portion of Wescott County before joining a larger waterway farther south. Its banks varied from wooded and undeveloped to agricultural and industrial, and several old bridges crossed it along roads that had once been important commercial routes. During the spring, the river frequently ran high because of snowmelt and heavy rainfall, while late summer sometimes brought lower water levels that exposed rocks and gravel bars ordinarily concealed beneath the surface. The river was popular with anglers, particularly those interested in bass and several species of panfish. It was also used occasionally by canoeists and people who enjoyed boating but did not wish to travel to one of the county's larger lakes.

The two fishermen were brothers named Dennis and Paul Whitcomb. Dennis was sixty-two years old, recently retired from a career in electrical maintenance, and an enthusiastic fisherman who had spent much of his adult life attempting to persuade his younger brother to take the hobby more seriously. Paul was fifty-eight and owned a small plumbing business. He enjoyed fishing well enough but regarded it primarily as an excuse to spend time outdoors without having to perform household chores. The brothers had developed a routine of fishing together twice a month when the weather permitted, although Paul occasionally canceled their outings when an emergency plumbing job required his attention. Dennis believed that Paul should eventually sell the business and retire, while Paul maintained that he was not ready to stop working and would become bored if he had nothing productive to do. They had discussed this disagreement for several years without reaching a conclusion.

On the morning in question, the brothers had launched their boat from a public access point and traveled upstream toward a section of the river bordered by dense trees. Dennis was operating the small outboard motor while Paul sat near the bow preparing his fishing equipment. They noticed something floating near a cluster of branches along the opposite bank, and Dennis initially believed it was a deer carcass. Such discoveries were not unheard of, particularly after periods of high water when dead animals could be carried downstream. As the boat approached, however, Paul observed what appeared to be clothing and realized that the object might be human. The brothers remained several yards away, unwilling to disturb what was clearly a badly decomposed body, and returned to the landing to contact authorities. A deputy responded to the boat launch, obtained their statements, and requested additional personnel. The body was subsequently recovered with assistance from the local fire department's water-rescue unit and transported for examination by the medical examiner. The remains were in an advanced state of decomposition, making visual identification unreliable and complicating any immediate assessment of the cause or manner of death. There were no obvious identification documents among the clothing initially examined, and the condition of the body made it difficult to estimate how long the person had been in the water. The deputy at the scene believed the deceased was an adult male, but this would require confirmation during examination. It was also unclear whether the man had died in the river or entered the water after death.

Because the death was unexplained and potentially involved circumstances requiring criminal investigation, Captain Rowan assigned a detective to coordinate the sheriff's office's work with the medical examiner. Under ordinary circumstances, she might have selected one of several investigators whose active caseloads were comparatively light. Unfortunately, three detectives were attending a previously scheduled training program at a regional law-enforcement academy. The program concerned investigative interviewing, evidence documentation, and recent developments in the law governing certain police procedures. Attendance was mandatory for the selected officers because the department had adopted updated training requirements, and Rowan had already arranged their schedules to ensure that they could attend. The course also involved a registration fee paid several months earlier, which would not be refunded if the officers withdrew without an acceptable reason.

Rowan had no intention of recalling the detectives merely because the department had become busy. She believed that training was an essential part of maintaining professional competence and that postponing it whenever an unexpected investigation arose would eventually produce officers who were perpetually too busy to improve their skills. Pierce generally agreed with this principle, although he would have preferred the training to occur during a less demanding week. Rowan pointed out that there was rarely a week during which the department had no significant investigations, and that the calendar could not reasonably be organized around events nobody knew would occur. Pierce accepted the argument but remained unhappy about the practical consequences.

Lenny was assigned the river death.

He did not particularly welcome the assignment. Decomposed bodies were among the least pleasant things he encountered in police work, not merely because of their appearance and odor but because identification could be difficult and the investigation often required considerable time without producing a clear explanation of death. Nevertheless, he recognized that someone needed to handle the case and that Pierce was already occupied with the Smith disappearance. He therefore collected the preliminary reports and began contacting the personnel involved in the recovery.

Pierce asked whether there was any possibility that the river body belonged to Smith. Lenny shook his head and explained that the condition of the remains suggested a substantially longer postmortem interval than the two days since the motorcycle accident, although he acknowledged that decomposition in water depended on numerous environmental factors and that the medical examiner would need to assess it more carefully. The body had also been recovered a considerable distance from the motorcycle crash, with no obvious route connecting the two locations. Pierce agreed that a connection was unlikely and did not intend to divert resources from the river investigation without evidence justifying it.

Lenny left shortly afterward to meet with the medical examiner's office. As he walked toward the stairs, he turned and asked whether Pierce wanted him to bring back anything from the diner near the hospital. Pierce replied that he had eaten lunch earlier and did not need anything. Lenny nodded and continued downstairs, carrying a folder containing the preliminary river-death report and several blank interview forms.

Pierce returned to his office.

It was now midafternoon on Friday, and he had accomplished considerably less work on the Smith disappearance than he had expected. The renewed search had produced nothing, the truck examination had confirmed a sequence of events already suggested by witnesses, and the unrelated John Doe matter had consumed several hours without advancing the investigation. Lenny was occupied with a separate death investigation, Laura had returned to patrol duties, and several other detectives would remain unavailable until their training ended.

Pierce looked at the list of tasks on his desk.

There were eleven items.

He crossed out two, added three, and stared at the result for several seconds before returning to work.

The remainder of the afternoon was devoted to activities that were individually necessary but collectively unsatisfying. Pierce reviewed Laura's supplemental notes from the farmhouse interview, checked the status of the evidence submissions, and prepared questions for the interviews he intended to conduct with Arthur Bell and Henry James Smith. He also spoke with the department's communications supervisor about the missing-person bulletin, which had been distributed to several neighboring agencies and entered into the appropriate information systems. There had been no reported sightings. The regional hospitals had not identified any patient matching Smith's description, and the additional search along Farmer's Road had failed to locate anyone who might have left the collision scene. Pierce considered whether Smith could have been transported to a private residence by someone who did not understand the seriousness of his injuries, but there was no evidence supporting the possibility. The same was true of abduction, voluntary disappearance, and the various other explanations that had been suggested by witnesses or coworkers. Each theory accounted for some portion of the circumstances, but none explained all of them.

At approximately four-thirty, Marjorie Kessler entered Pierce's office carrying several folders she had recovered from the department's older records. The folders concerned previous accidents on the curve where Smith's motorcycle had crashed. Marjorie explained that the department's computer records did not contain complete information for several older incidents and that she had needed to search the paper archive to locate the relevant reports. One file concerned a single-vehicle accident involving a pickup truck whose driver lost control during a winter snowstorm. Another involved a motorcyclist who slid off the roadway after striking loose gravel near the shoulder. A third described an automobile that had overturned after its driver attempted to avoid a deer. None of these cases appeared directly related to Smith's disappearance, but they suggested that the curve could surprise drivers unfamiliar with its alignment or condition. Pierce thanked Marjorie and began reviewing the reports, paying particular attention to how the previous investigators described the roadway geometry and vehicle movements.

Marjorie remained in the doorway for a moment before asking whether the missing man had been found. Pierce replied that he had not. She expressed sympathy and observed that it must be dreadful for the family not to know what had happened. Pierce agreed, although he had not yet spoken directly with the family and therefore knew relatively little about their reaction. Marjorie then told him about a distant cousin who disappeared for several days after leaving home following a disagreement with his wife. The family had been terribly worried, but the cousin eventually returned and explained that he had spent the time fishing at a remote cabin without telling anyone where he was going. Marjorie believed the man had behaved selfishly, particularly because his wife had contacted the police and several relatives had taken time off work to search for him. Pierce listened politely and asked whether the cousin had deliberately left his telephone behind. Marjorie said that he had not owned a cellular telephone at the time, although she thought he probably would have refused to answer one if he had. She then apologized for distracting Pierce and returned to the records office.

The anecdote remained in Pierce's thoughts longer than he expected. Voluntary disappearance was a possibility he had considered, but he had not devoted much attention to it because the physical evidence suggested that Smith had suffered serious injuries. Nevertheless, Smith had deliberately taken a day away from his responsibilities, canceled his appointments, and refused to carry a telephone. These decisions were not evidence that he intended to disappear permanently, but they demonstrated a desire to separate himself from his ordinary life, if only temporarily. Pierce wondered whether the distinction between a temporary escape and a permanent departure might become less clear to someone who was already dissatisfied with his circumstances. He had encountered people who left home intending to be gone for only a few hours and subsequently decided not to return. Most were younger adults involved in family disputes, but age and wealth did not entirely eliminate the possibility.

Pierce returned to the list of questions he had prepared for Arthur Bell and added several concerning Smith's state of mind before the trip. Had John appeared depressed or distressed? Had he spoken about abandoning his career, traveling for an extended period, or returning to an earlier way of life? Had he recently experienced a financial setback, professional conflict, or personal disappointment? Pierce knew that asking such questions could produce misleading interpretations, especially when witnesses retrospectively searched for significance in ordinary behavior. A person who disappeared might suddenly be remembered as having seemed unusually quiet, anxious, or reflective, even if nobody had regarded these characteristics as remarkable at the time. Nevertheless, Pierce believed the questions were worth asking. At five-thirty, Captain Rowan telephoned from her office to ask whether Pierce had made progress. He summarized the truck examination, the renewed search, and the preliminary identification of Smith's route. Rowan listened and asked whether the department had developed evidence of a criminal offense. Pierce replied that there was still no direct indication of a crime, although the missing rider and blood evidence remained concerning. Rowan then asked about the State Police correspondence, which she had learned about after receiving a message from another agency. Pierce explained the confusion in some detail, including the mistaken attachment and the correction of several case references. Rowan was pleased that the records had been corrected but expressed surprise that the matter had required so much of his time. Pierce responded that the problem was difficult to resolve because several agencies possessed incomplete or contradictory information. Rowan acknowledged the explanation and observed that interagency cooperation was important, even when it became inconvenient. Pierce agreed in principle but privately thought that the afternoon had demonstrated an impressive capacity for inconvenience.

Rowan then informed him that the three detectives attending training would not return until Monday. She had received confirmation that the course required attendance through the end of the day and did not intend to excuse anyone early. Pierce asked whether another investigator could assist with the Smith case while Lenny was occupied with the river death, but Rowan replied that the remaining personnel were already assigned to active matters. She offered to have a patrol supervisor handle routine follow-up calls and suggested that Laura Peller could be assigned to assist with additional interviews when her shift permitted. Pierce appreciated the offer, although he recognized that neither arrangement would provide the same continuity as having Lenny available full-time. He nevertheless understood that the department's resources were limited and that Smith's disappearance, however important to him, could not automatically take precedence over every other responsibility.

The conversation ended shortly before six.

Pierce looked at the clock and realized that he had been at work for nearly eleven hours. He had intended to leave early enough to prepare a proper dinner and perhaps call Emily, but neither prospect now seemed especially likely. He had accumulated several reports that required attention and still wanted to review the available information about Smith's financial affairs. He considered ordering food from a nearby restaurant, but decided against it because he had eaten a substantial lunch and did not feel particularly hungry. Instead, he made himself another cup of coffee.

The coffee in the detective office was prepared using an old automatic machine that had been purchased several years earlier after the previous machine stopped functioning. The department did not officially provide coffee for employees, but several detectives contributed money to purchase supplies, and the resulting arrangement had continued for so long that nobody remembered exactly who was responsible for managing it. The coffee was usually strong, occasionally bitter, and frequently left sitting on the warming plate long enough to acquire an unpleasant flavor. Pierce drank it anyway. He had long since ceased regarding coffee primarily as a beverage to be enjoyed and instead treated it as a useful source of caffeine. His preference was for coffee without sugar or milk, partly because he disliked sweet drinks and partly because it eliminated the need to maintain additional supplies in his office.

At approximately seven, Lenny telephoned from the medical examiner's office. The river death was proving difficult.

The body had been recovered without incident, but its condition complicated identification. The medical examiner had not yet completed the examination, and the available clothing and personal effects provided few clues. There was no wallet, no obvious identification, and no property that immediately connected the deceased to a particular residence or individual. Lenny explained that the remains might belong to someone who had been living outdoors or traveling without stable housing, although he emphasized that this was only a possibility. The clothing was worn and relatively inexpensive, but neither characteristic established the person's living circumstances. Pierce asked whether anything suggested violence, and Lenny replied that the examiner had not yet identified a clear cause of death. Decomposition could obscure injuries, and some changes to a body recovered from water could be difficult to interpret without careful examination. The department would therefore need to investigate the circumstances of the recovery, review missing-person reports, and await further medical findings.

Lenny sounded tired and mildly irritated. He explained that the fishermen who discovered the body had been cooperative, but one had provided a considerably longer account than necessary, including detailed information about their fishing habits and the equipment they used. Pierce remarked that this sounded like an interview Laura Peller would have enjoyed, and Lenny laughed. He then complained that the smell associated with the remains had been particularly unpleasant, despite his efforts to remain professional. He was not embarrassed by this reaction. Decomposition was a natural biological process, but the fact that it was natural did not make its effects pleasant, and he saw no virtue in pretending otherwise.

The conversation gradually turned toward the contrast between the two investigations. Pierce was searching for a wealthy man whose absence had already prompted numerous calls from household employees and business associates, while Lenny was attempting to identify a deceased person about whom almost nothing was known. Lenny observed that the unidentified man might have been dead for some time without anyone realizing he was missing. Pierce replied that they did not yet know whether anyone had reported him missing elsewhere, and Lenny acknowledged the point. He nevertheless found it depressing that one investigation involved a man with enormous financial resources and a substantial household staff, while the other involved a person who might have possessed little more than the clothes he was wearing. Pierce considered the comparison but saw no reason to suppose that the difference in wealth would ultimately determine which investigation proved more difficult.

Before ending the call, Lenny asked whether Pierce intended to work through the evening again. Pierce replied that he had several things to finish and would probably remain at the station for another hour or two. Lenny suggested that he go home and get some sleep, explaining that the Smith case was unlikely to be solved merely because Pierce remained at his desk until midnight. Pierce acknowledged the advice but did not promise to follow it. Lenny then said that he would finish his work at the medical examiner's office and go home, provided nothing unexpected occurred.

Pierce returned to his paperwork.

The next several hours passed without any significant development. He reviewed Smith's professional history, examined the limited public information available concerning several of his businesses, and prepared a more complete list of people who might need to be interviewed. He also reviewed the notebook recovered from the truck. The handwritten lyrics were difficult to interpret because many were incomplete, and Pierce knew little about contemporary popular music. Several passages appeared to concern freedom, travel, and dissatisfaction with material possessions, but these were sufficiently common subjects in music that he did not consider them evidence of any particular state of mind. He remembered that Samuel Dobbins had described John as an accomplished guitarist and wondered whether the notebook might simply be part of a longstanding hobby.

At ten-thirty, Pierce telephoned his apartment and allowed the answering machine to play, chiefly to determine whether he had received any personal messages. He sometimes used this method when he could not remember whether he had checked the machine before leaving home. There were no messages waiting, and he hung up without leaving one. He considered telephoning Emily but decided that the hour was too late. He then remembered that he had intended to purchase groceries several days earlier and had not done so.

This realization was followed by another.

He was nearly out of toilet paper.

Pierce considered the matter for several seconds before recognizing that it could not reasonably be postponed much longer.

Pierce had developed a habit of purchasing groceries only when the absence of food became sufficiently inconvenient to require action. He did not maintain a regular shopping schedule, and he rarely prepared lists unless he needed several items that were difficult to remember. This arrangement worked adequately when he was spending a reasonable amount of time at home, because he could stop at a store after work and purchase whatever he expected to need for the next few days. During particularly demanding investigations, however, he occasionally postponed shopping for a week or more, relying on restaurant meals, convenience-store purchases, and whatever remained in his refrigerator. He knew this was not an especially economical or healthy practice, but he had never considered it a serious problem because he possessed sufficient income to purchase prepared food and was not particularly interested in cooking elaborate meals.

The situation had become more inconvenient than usual during the Smith investigation. Pierce had used the last of his bread the previous evening, had only a small quantity of milk remaining, and had run out of eggs several days earlier. His refrigerator contained a container of mustard, several bottles of water, an unopened jar of pickles, and a plastic container of leftovers that he could no longer identify with certainty. He also needed toothpaste, laundry detergent, and several other ordinary household supplies. The shortage of toilet paper was the most immediate concern, but Pierce did not wish to make a special trip for a single item and decided that he ought to purchase enough groceries to avoid another visit for at least a week.

The only supermarket in Briar Glen that remained open twenty-four hours a day was a large store near the southern edge of town. It occupied part of a shopping center constructed during the 1980s and had undergone several renovations since opening. The most recent renovation expanded the grocery aisles, introduced additional refrigerated cases, and replaced several older checkout registers with newer equipment capable of scanning product barcodes more reliably. Pierce was familiar with the store because it lay along one of his usual routes home, although he rarely visited at night. He generally preferred shopping in the early afternoon when the store was well staffed but not especially crowded. At night, fewer customers were present, but the number of employees was also reduced, and portions of the store were sometimes occupied by workers restocking shelves or cleaning floors. Pierce left the station shortly before eleven and drove to the supermarket. The parking lot was nearly empty, with only a few automobiles parked near the entrance and a delivery truck standing beside the loading area. Several shopping carts had been left near a cart return, and a small amount of litter had accumulated along the curb. Pierce parked close to the entrance, collected a cart, and went inside.

The store was brightly illuminated, and recorded music played quietly through speakers mounted near the ceiling. Pierce recognized the song but could not remember its title or performer. He had never been especially interested in popular music, although he enjoyed several older rock bands and occasionally listened to jazz while driving. His musical preferences had changed relatively little since college, partly because he rarely made an effort to discover new artists. This was another way in which he differed from his daughter, who seemed to develop new musical interests every few weeks and occasionally attempted to explain them to him. Pierce listened politely during these explanations but frequently forgot the names of the performers shortly afterward.

He began shopping in the produce section, selecting several apples and a bag of potatoes before moving toward the refrigerated cases. He purchased milk, eggs, sandwich meat, cheese, and several packages of prepared food that could be heated in a microwave. He then collected bread, cereal, canned soup, pasta, and a jar of peanut butter. By the time he reached the household supplies aisle, the cart contained considerably more food than he had originally intended to purchase. Pierce considered returning several items but decided that most would keep for a reasonable period and that buying them now might reduce the likelihood of another inconvenient shopping trip.

The household supplies proved more difficult. Pierce knew that he needed toilet paper, toothpaste, and laundry detergent, but could not remember whether he was also running low on soap, shampoo, or dishwashing liquid. He stood in front of the shelves for several minutes attempting to recall the contents of his bathroom cabinet. Eventually he purchased all three items, reasoning that even if he already possessed sufficient quantities, they would eventually be used. He also purchased a package of paper towels, several trash bags, and a new pair of socks because he had recently discovered that several pairs were developing holes near the heels.

At approximately eleven-thirty, Pierce approached the checkout area. Only two registers were open. One was occupied by a young cashier helping an elderly woman who had purchased a substantial quantity of groceries and was carefully counting coins to pay for several items. The other register was operated by a middle-aged man who appeared to be nearing the end of a long shift. Pierce joined the shorter line behind a customer whose appearance immediately attracted his attention.

The man was perhaps forty-five years old, tall, and very well dressed. He wore a charcoal-gray suit that appeared to have been tailored specifically for him, a pale blue shirt, polished leather shoes, and a wristwatch that Pierce suspected was expensive. Pierce was not particularly knowledgeable about men's fashion, but he had spent enough time interviewing wealthy professionals and attending court proceedings to recognize clothing that was substantially more expensive than the garments ordinarily sold in department stores. The man's suit fit exceptionally well, and the shoes had the sort of carefully maintained appearance that suggested their owner either spent considerable time caring for them or employed someone else to do so.

What interested Pierce more than the clothing, however, was the assortment of items the man had placed on the conveyor belt.

There were six cans of inexpensive soup, a loaf of white bread, a jar of peanut butter, a package of disposable razors, two pairs of inexpensive socks, a toothbrush, a small container of laundry detergent, a box of crackers, several batteries, a disposable camera, and a large package of dog biscuits. The man had also purchased a single red rose wrapped in clear plastic, which lay awkwardly between the detergent and the crackers. None of the items was inherently unusual, and several were remarkably similar to those in Pierce's own cart. Nevertheless, the combination struck him as peculiar. The man's clothing suggested substantial financial resources, yet his purchases resembled the supplies someone might acquire when temporarily living out of a suitcase or preparing to occupy a place with few existing conveniences. There was no fresh meat, no substantial quantity of produce, and nothing that suggested preparation for an ordinary family meal. The disposable camera seemed particularly out of place beside the food and toiletries, although it was entirely possible that the man intended to use it during a trip.

Pierce found himself wondering about the man.

He might have been a wealthy businessman whose luggage had been lost during travel. He might have been purchasing supplies for a relative, a child leaving home, or a friend in financial difficulty. He might have been preparing for a camping trip, although his suit suggested that he had not yet begun such an excursion. The dog biscuits indicated that an animal was involved, but they did not establish whether the man owned a dog or was purchasing the biscuits for someone else. The rose suggested a romantic purpose, but could just as easily have been intended as an apology, a birthday gift, or a gesture of sympathy.

The more Pierce considered the purchases, the more he realized how little information a person's appearance and possessions actually provided about his intentions.

The man paid with a credit card, gathered his bags, and thanked the cashier. Before leaving, he examined the rose and adjusted its position so that the flower would not be crushed by the heavier items. He then walked toward the exit without appearing to notice Pierce.

The cashier began scanning Pierce's groceries.

Pierce continued thinking about the stranger.

A person wearing an expensive suit did not necessarily live an expensive life at every moment. He might dress formally for work and spend his evenings in inexpensive restaurants. He might own a large house but temporarily occupy a cheap hotel room. He might be wealthy and still prefer canned soup. Financial resources created opportunities, but they did not determine how a person used them.

This was not an especially profound observation, and Pierce would ordinarily have forgotten it within minutes.

Yet something about the scene reminded him of Jonathan Xavier Smith. Smith had left an expensive residence, dismissed the concerns of his butler, refused to carry his telephone, and driven away in a truck carrying a motorcycle. He had then wandered through the countryside, exhausted the fuel supplies of both vehicles, and agreed to perform manual labor at a farm in exchange for gasoline. None of these decisions was consistent with the behavior Pierce would ordinarily expect from a person with an enormous fortune and a household staff capable of arranging nearly any ordinary service he required. Smith could have called for roadside assistance, hired a driver, rented a vehicle, or asked someone to plan the trip for him. Instead, he had apparently chosen to travel alone, without a telephone, and with relatively little preparation.

Pierce had previously regarded this behavior as evidence of carelessness or an eccentric desire to enjoy a day away from work. Watching the well-dressed stranger purchase an odd collection of ordinary supplies suggested another possibility.

Perhaps Smith's behavior was not inconsistent with his character at all.

Perhaps Pierce simply did not know enough about the character to understand it.

The cashier announced the total, interrupting his thoughts. Pierce paid, placed the groceries in his cart, and thanked the man. He then wheeled the cart toward the exit, where the well-dressed stranger was standing beside a telephone near the front of the store. The man was speaking quietly into the receiver and appeared mildly irritated. Pierce did not attempt to listen, but as he passed, he heard the stranger say that he had purchased everything on the list and did not understand why the other person had neglected to mention the need for towels. The man then sighed and said he would return to the store to buy them.

Pierce smiled faintly.

The explanation was perfectly ordinary. The man was purchasing supplies according to someone else's instructions, and the strange assortment probably reflected the needs of that person rather than his own preferences. The expensive clothing was essentially irrelevant.

Nevertheless, the thought it had prompted remained useful.

Pierce loaded his groceries into the car and drove home.

Pierce arrived at his apartment shortly after midnight. He carried the groceries inside in three trips, partly because the bags were heavy and partly because he did not trust the thin plastic handles to support the weight of the canned goods. He had once attempted to carry an excessive number of grocery bags simultaneously and had dropped a large glass jar of tomato sauce on the sidewalk outside his building. The jar shattered, leaving a considerable amount of sauce and broken glass that he subsequently spent nearly twenty minutes cleaning up. His landlord had observed part of the incident from an upstairs window and later suggested that Pierce make an additional trip rather than risk dropping everything. Pierce had accepted the advice, although he resented that it had been necessary. He was generally capable of estimating the weight of objects and did not enjoy being reminded of occasions when his judgment had been poor.

Once inside, Pierce put away the refrigerated items, placed the canned goods in a cabinet, and arranged the household supplies beneath the kitchen sink and in the bathroom. He discovered that he already possessed two unopened containers of dishwashing liquid, a nearly full bottle of shampoo, and an extra package of trash bags. This irritated him slightly because he disliked purchasing things he did not immediately need, but he reminded himself that the supplies would eventually be used and therefore represented no real waste. He also discovered that the refrigerator contained a package of cheese he had forgotten purchasing the previous week. The cheese was still within its recommended date and appeared perfectly suitable for consumption, so he placed it beside the new package rather than throwing it away.

He was preparing to go to bed when he noticed the notebook he had brought home from the office. It lay on the small table beside his living-room chair, along with a folder containing copies of several reports and photographs from the Smith investigation. Pierce ordinarily avoided bringing active case materials home unless there was a specific reason to do so, but he had been reviewing information late the previous evening and had neglected to return the folder to his office. He considered placing it in his briefcase for the following morning, then remembered the well-dressed stranger at the supermarket and the thoughts the encounter had prompted. Pierce sat down.

The principal difficulty with the Smith investigation, he thought, was that the physical evidence and the known circumstances of the man's life suggested different explanations for his disappearance. The blood and motorcycle damage indicated a serious accident involving substantial injury. The absence of the rider suggested that someone had removed him, that he had somehow left under his own power, or that the search had failed to locate him. These were questions that could potentially be addressed through physical evidence, witness interviews, and medical examination. Smith's behavior before the accident, however, involved a different kind of uncertainty. Why had he abandoned his professional responsibilities for a day? Why had he chosen to travel alone? Why had he refused to carry a telephone despite the obvious practical disadvantages? Why had he accepted an offer to perform farm labor instead of insisting on more conventional assistance? Each decision was understandable in isolation, but taken together they suggested that Smith might have been seeking something more substantial than a brief recreational excursion.

Pierce had spoken with people who deliberately disappeared before. Some had been attempting to escape criminal charges, financial obligations, or unhappy marriages. Others were experiencing emotional difficulties and simply wanted to be somewhere nobody knew them. He remembered a man who had left his wife and children after losing his job, spent several weeks living in a motel under an assumed name, and eventually returned home after realizing that his financial difficulties had become considerably worse during his absence. He also remembered a young woman who disappeared from college shortly before final examinations because she feared disappointing her parents. In both cases, the individuals had left voluntarily, although their families initially suspected that something terrible had happened to them. Their behavior seemed irrational when judged from the outside, but became more comprehensible once the investigators understood the personal circumstances that motivated it.

Smith's circumstances appeared different. He was enormously wealthy, professionally successful, and apparently free of the most common financial pressures that encouraged people to abandon their ordinary lives. His household staff described him as having been in good spirits before departing. He had not left an obvious farewell message, withdrawn large amounts of cash, or taken belongings consistent with a permanent relocation, at least so far as investigators knew. Nevertheless, wealth and professional success did not guarantee personal satisfaction. Pierce had encountered unhappy people in every economic category, and he had long since abandoned the assumption that money necessarily made people's lives easier in all respects. He opened the folder and reread Arthur Bell's preliminary statement. Smith had wanted to revisit places associated with an earlier period of his life. Bell had described this period only vaguely, explaining that his employer had spoken about a neighborhood where he once lived and had wanted to see whether anything remained familiar. Pierce had initially regarded this as an ordinary nostalgic excursion. Many people revisited childhood homes, former schools, or neighborhoods where they spent important years. He had done so himself several times, particularly after his parents moved away from the town where he grew up. On one occasion, he drove past his old elementary school and discovered that the playground equipment had been replaced with newer structures. He remembered feeling an unexpected disappointment, although he recognized that the newer equipment was probably safer and more suitable for contemporary children. The emotional attachment was not to the equipment itself but to the memories associated with it, and the change made those memories seem more distant.

Perhaps Smith had experienced something similar.

Pierce then examined the copies of the handwritten lyrics recovered from the truck. Several passages concerned traveling without a destination, the pleasures of inexpensive food, and the freedom associated with having few responsibilities. One fragment contained a reference to sleeping beneath a roof that did not belong to the speaker. Another mentioned an old guitar and a city park. Pierce had initially regarded these passages as ordinary artistic expressions rather than descriptions of Smith's actual life. Songwriters frequently described experiences they had never personally encountered, and Pierce saw no reason to assume that a wealthy attorney had ever slept outdoors merely because he wrote about it.

Nevertheless, he began wondering exactly what Smith had done before becoming wealthy.

Lenny had established that Smith was a prominent attorney with extensive business interests, but the available information concentrated on his recent career. Pierce knew that Smith's father had been wealthy for many years and had assumed that John grew up in comparatively comfortable circumstances before eventually joining or establishing a legal practice of his own. This was a reasonable assumption, although Pierce recognized that it was not necessarily correct. Children of wealthy families sometimes pursued entirely different occupations, experienced financial difficulties, or deliberately rejected the lifestyles of their parents. The fact that Henry James Smith possessed substantial wealth did not establish that his son had always enjoyed the same resources.

Pierce turned on his computer.

The machine was several years old and took an irritating amount of time to start. Pierce had considered replacing it but decided that it still performed the tasks he required, including word processing, electronic mail, and basic internet searches. Its slow startup bothered him less than the prospect of purchasing another computer and transferring the files he had accumulated over the years. He waited for the operating system to finish loading, then connected to the internet and began searching for information about Jonathan Xavier Smith.

The first results were unremarkable. Several referred to Smith's legal practice, while others concerned property transactions, business acquisitions, and charitable contributions. Pierce found references to restaurants and commercial buildings in which Smith held ownership interests, along with articles describing his involvement in several complicated civil lawsuits. Some of these articles praised his professional ability, while others criticized the aggressive methods employed by his legal representatives. Pierce read several summaries without discovering anything that explained Smith's peculiar excursion into the countryside.

He then searched for older references using variations of the man's name. This proved more difficult than expected because the name John Smith was extraordinarily common. Pierce had encountered numerous people with the surname during his career and was accustomed to distinguishing them by middle names, birth dates, addresses, and other identifying information. The internet produced references to physicians, athletes, business owners, criminal defendants, historical figures, and several individuals who appeared to have no particular public significance. Searching for Jonathan Xavier Smith produced more specific results, but many related to his recent legal career rather than his earlier life. Pierce experimented with different combinations of search terms, including the name of Smith's father, the town of Dunleigh, and the word musician, which he included because of the guitar and handwritten lyrics.

The search eventually produced a reference to an old newspaper article. The article was not immediately available in full. Pierce found only a brief summary in an online index maintained by a regional newspaper, which had begun converting portions of its older archives into electronic form. The summary concerned a lottery winner who had previously lived without a permanent residence and had become the recipient of an extraordinary sum of money. The winner's name was listed as John Smith.

Pierce initially dismissed the result because of the common name.

Then he noticed the amount of the prize.

One hundred and four million dollars.

He stopped scrolling.

Pierce knew that Smith was wealthy, but he had assumed the fortune resulted principally from the success of his legal career and the financial activities of his father. He had not considered the possibility that John had originally acquired much of his wealth through a lottery. The amount was sufficiently large to make the result worth examining, and Pierce opened the available newspaper summary.

The article described a man who had been living in an urban neighborhood without a permanent residence when he discovered that one of two lottery tickets left in his guitar case was a winner. The tickets had apparently been given to him by an unidentified person, and he had taken them to a convenience store to determine whether they were worth anything. One ticket was not a winner. The other entitled him to a prize of approximately $104 million, subject to the applicable payment arrangements and taxes. The article explained that the winner had contacted his father, a successful attorney named Henry James Smith, for assistance in managing the claim. Pierce read the passage twice.

There was no longer any reasonable doubt that the article concerned the man he was investigating.

He leaned forward and continued reading.

According to the summary, John had spent a substantial period living as a homeless musician after leaving school and becoming estranged from his family's conventional expectations. He had supported himself through occasional music performances and the generosity of other people, living in an improvised shelter near a commercial district. The lottery prize had transformed his circumstances almost overnight, allowing him to return to formal education and eventually pursue a legal career. His father had assisted with the financial arrangements and subsequent investments, and John had become enormously wealthy over the following years. Pierce was astonished.

He had encountered lottery winners before, although none who had received anything approaching such a substantial prize. Most had purchased their tickets deliberately and celebrated when they discovered that they had won. The idea that someone could acquire a winning ticket merely because another person dropped it into his guitar case struck Pierce as almost absurdly fortunate. He briefly wondered what had motivated the unidentified benefactor to leave the tickets there. Perhaps the person had intended to help a homeless musician by giving him something with a small possibility of financial value. Perhaps the tickets were unwanted, or perhaps their owner had simply been careless. Pierce recognized that the matter was irrelevant to the investigation, but he found it difficult not to consider the extraordinary sequence of events that had apparently transformed John Smith from an impoverished musician into one of the wealthiest attorneys in the region. He read the summary again, paying particular attention to the period before the lottery win.

John had lived without many of the conveniences that Pierce took for granted. He had apparently spent his days playing music, visiting public places, and relying on inexpensive or freely available food. His life was not necessarily comfortable, and Pierce did not romanticize the difficulties associated with homelessness. Nevertheless, the article suggested that John had been unusually content with his circumstances. He enjoyed music, disliked formal obligations, and valued the freedom to move about without maintaining a fixed schedule. He had not regarded his situation as an ideal long-term arrangement in every respect, but neither did he appear to have been particularly eager to return to conventional employment.

The information gave an entirely different meaning to the statements Arthur Bell had made about John's excursion.

Smith had not simply been revisiting an old neighborhood.

He had been revisiting a former life.

Pierce opened the notebook recovered from the truck and looked again at the handwritten lyrics. The references to public parks, inexpensive meals, traveling without a destination, and sleeping in places that did not belong to him now seemed less like arbitrary artistic expressions. They might have been memories. If John had once lived as a street musician, the guitar he carried to the farmhouse was not merely an occasional hobby. It had once been central to his daily existence, perhaps even to his sense of identity.

This also made his decision to reject the conveniences of his wealth more understandable. A man who had spent years living with almost no responsibilities might occasionally find a life of professional appointments, household employees, financial obligations, and constant demands for his attention exhausting. Smith's refusal to bring his cellular telephone was no longer simply an eccentric decision. It might represent a deliberate attempt to recreate the freedom he associated with his earlier circumstances. His decision to perform farm labor in exchange for gasoline could be understood in a similar way. He had possessed enough money to purchase the farmer's property many times over, but accepting an informal exchange of labor for assistance might have reminded him of a period when personal relationships and practical favors were more important than formal financial transactions. Pierce found the explanation compelling.

He also recognized its limitations.

The discovery might explain why John traveled into the countryside and behaved in ways that seemed inconsistent with his wealth. It might even suggest that he contemplated abandoning his professional life, temporarily or permanently. But it did not explain the blood at the motorcycle crash, the damaged helmet, or the absence of a trail leading away from the tree. A man might voluntarily give up his career and return to a simple lifestyle, but there was no obvious reason he would first crash a motorcycle at high speed and leave substantial evidence of serious injury behind.

Pierce considered whether the collision might have been staged. Smith possessed the financial resources to arrange a disappearance, and his past suggested that he was familiar with living outside conventional social structures. Perhaps he had deliberately abandoned his motorcycle to create the impression that he had been injured or killed. Yet the damage appeared genuine, the blood was substantial, and staging such an accident would require a degree of preparation that was difficult to reconcile with the careless manner in which Smith had exhausted the fuel supplies of two vehicles. The theory also required some explanation for how Smith had departed the scene and why nobody had observed him doing so.

It was possible, but not especially likely.

Pierce nevertheless decided that the information warranted further investigation. He wanted to learn more about John's life before the lottery, particularly the locations where he had lived, the people he knew, and whether any of those relationships had survived his sudden acquisition of wealth. If John intended to disappear voluntarily, he might seek out old acquaintances or return to places where he had once felt comfortable. Even if the disappearance was involuntary, understanding his motives for traveling could help investigators reconstruct his movements.

Pierce made several notes and printed the newspaper summary. He then searched for additional articles concerning the lottery prize and John's subsequent education. Several results confirmed the basic account, including references to his father's involvement in managing the winnings and his eventual decision to attend law school. One article described the remarkable contrast between John's earlier circumstances and his later professional success. Another mentioned his interest in music and suggested that he had remained attached to the guitar even after becoming wealthy. Pierce printed both and placed them with the other materials he intended to review at the station.

By the time he finished, it was nearly two in the morning. He was tired, but his mind remained active. The information he had discovered was not proof of anything, and he knew that a competent investigator should resist the temptation to treat an appealing explanation as established fact. Nevertheless, he felt that he understood Jonathan Xavier Smith better than he had several hours earlier. The man's journey was beginning to make sense, even if its ending remained inexplicable.

Pierce turned off the computer and stood.

He went into the kitchen, poured himself a glass of water, and considered making something to eat. The refrigerator was now well stocked, and he had several meals available that would require little preparation. He eventually decided against eating because he was not particularly hungry. Instead, he returned to the living room and placed the printed articles in his briefcase. He then noticed the calendar hanging beside his telephone.

Emily's science exhibition was scheduled for the following Thursday. Pierce looked at the date and remembered promising that he would try to attend. He considered calling Christine the following morning to confirm the time, then realized that he had already written a reminder on a separate piece of paper. He found the note beneath several other documents on the table and placed it beside the calendar, where he hoped it would remain visible. For a moment, he thought about his daughter and the disappointment he had heard in her voice when he failed to promise that he would attend the exhibition. He wondered whether she would eventually stop inviting him to such events, having concluded that his presence was too uncertain to be worth requesting. The possibility troubled him more than he wanted to admit. He knew that he had allowed his career to interfere with his family life, and he occasionally wondered whether he would come to regret the sacrifices he had made when he was older and no longer able to work. He also knew that recognizing the problem did not necessarily make him more likely to correct it. Pierce considered the parallels between his own life and that of the missing attorney. Both men had allowed professional responsibilities to dominate their daily routines. Both had apparently neglected important personal relationships, although Pierce knew little about John's family circumstances. Both had reached a point where work occupied so much of their time that ordinary pleasures became difficult to enjoy.

The resemblance was imperfect, but it was enough to interest him.

Perhaps Smith had simply reached the point where he could no longer tolerate the life he had created.

Pierce looked toward his briefcase, where the newspaper articles lay beside his notes.

The explanation was plausible.

It was even psychologically satisfying.

Unfortunately, it did not account for the accident.

Pierce went to bed shortly after two-thirty, leaving the bedroom door partly open because the room became unusually warm when the door was closed. He set his alarm for seven, intending to return to the station the following morning and continue examining John's earlier life. He wanted to determine where the former musician had lived, whether any of his old acquaintances could be located, and whether the trip to Dunleigh had been motivated by something more specific than nostalgia. He also intended to arrange the interviews with Henry James Smith and Arthur Bell, both of which might provide further insight into the man's state of mind.

As he lay in bed, Pierce thought once more about the accident on Farmer's Road.

He imagined John traveling south on his motorcycle, perhaps excited by the prospect of revisiting places he had not seen for years. He imagined the man entering the curve too quickly, losing control, and striking the tree. He imagined the pain and confusion that might follow such a collision, particularly if the rider suffered a head injury.

Then he attempted to imagine what happened afterward.

He could not.

There was simply no satisfactory explanation for the absence of the rider. Pierce eventually concluded that the problem would have to wait until morning. He had learned enough about Jonathan Xavier Smith to justify several new investigative steps, and there was little more he could accomplish while lying in bed.

He closed his eyes.

Several minutes later, he fell asleep.

On the table beside his living-room chair lay the article describing a homeless musician who had become extraordinarily wealthy after receiving a winning lottery ticket from an unknown benefactor.

Pierce regarded the story as remarkable, but not impossible. People occasionally experienced extraordinary good fortune, and the sudden acquisition of wealth could transform a life in ways that were difficult to anticipate. There was nothing about John's history that required an explanation beyond ordinary human behavior and an exceptionally fortunate event.

The same could not yet be said of his disappearance.

Nevertheless, Pierce had no reason to believe that the two matters were connected by anything more complicated than a wealthy man's desire to revisit his past.

He certainly had no reason to imagine that the most important event of Jonathan Xavier Smith's recent life had involved a farmer's basement, an underground beach, a damaged iron cage, and an enormous blue animal. There was nothing in the evidence suggesting such a possibility.

And even if there had been, Pierce would not have believed it.

25 September 2026

Spending so much time alone with Yenah's grandmother's house while working. Each day I've been getting up early, having my morning coffee, and sitting down to work at the kitchen table. As the sun rises, the tall white curtain spanning the length of the living room window starts to glow; one half of the curtain is reinforced by another pink one, so the diffused light that floods into the living room is half pink and half white. It bounces off of the orange wood floor, which creates a warm, saturated, matte environment in which highlights and edges are dulled—a dreamlike effect.

Only two small horizontally-sliding screened windows open to outside air, and green tree leaves cross in front of the view out of both, so the feeling is one of light in abundance outside surrounding the house. Plants seem to grow well on the windowsills too.

My days here have been spent mostly in silence, but it's a busy silence. Just down the street is an elementary school, and I hear the rhythmic phases of its days—pale yellow buses snorting to a stop to delivery sleepy children in the morning, high-pitched voices (some screams) as lunch hour arrives mid-day, and the frenzy of happy squeals and teachers saying goodbye (“안녕히 가세요”) as school is let out for the day in the later afternoon. Some school bells intermittently throughout the day as well, and some days there is singing—groups of children singing.

Another thing about the mornings: magpies like to visit in the morning, and a handful of times I've pulled back the living room curtain to see them jockey for position on a persimmon tree. They're pretty brutal, hip-checking each other off of branches. On days where I do laundry, the laundry machine sounds like alternating white noise waterfall sounds and MRI-machine-like hollow knocks. Mosquitos are frequent visitors at this time of year, so once or twice a day I'll also hear their sharp whines buzz by my ear (I've killed probably upwards of thirty of them in the last month).

The water here is so, so soft, especially compared to London, and the sinks (one in the bathroom and one in the kitchen) rush when turned on with a dutiful urgency that sounds like a mother shushing her baby. Similar to the stream a few blocks away from the house that runs all the way to the Han River.

¿ ⓒNOABC

The NOABC code works because of the 'ABC' code in the English language – this is purposeful code that has been installed into the {specifically} English language – it functions like the 'NATO' phonetic code -

NO =

{N} NOT / no {O} On / over

and is universal for 'not consent' this is how 'ABC' functions so there is a lot of usage for the word 'no' thus it is a powerful code delineator.

'ABC' IS the name of the code and the first three letter A B C – explain the code so this is also a good {and partially known} code – thus NOABC is a good code to not consent to the code 'ABC' in English.

---

¿

USE THIS CODE FOR ONLINE TRANSACTIONS

{add it to 'seller notes' } {if they disagree then they will refund you and not send the item}

¿ NOABC & NOABC# code means we do not consent to code in the language or alphanumeric aspect {including item, card and model numbers} code applies to ALL aspects of this transaction {including packaging & colors} example if there is 'Blue' on an item or package then NOABC applies to the name of the relevant color. We disagree with all user terms & privacy policies individual transaction is not subject to these terms or conditions. THANKS FOR YOUR ATTENTION ON THIS MATTER sending item=agreement.

#shorts

You do things differently. You don't want to go out. In fact, you are naked right now because you can't stand wearing clothes. You don't talk much, but your thoughts are loud. That's because you are always thinking about porn.

You are not really a home nudist. You just see naked people on your screen all day, so you have to be just like them.

You oversexualize your thoughts. Completely.
Rewired.

There is no fixing this.

In fact you get horny knowing there is no return.

So now you just touch yourself. You want to manifest permanent addiction to pornography.

The best way to do this?

EDGE.

That's right. Gooning is more than just masturbating. You want to be locked in this aroused state for hours on end, daily and constantly.

It's all you think about.

It's all you do.

Gooning is you.

Weekends are for... GOONING.

Robert Greene est l’un de mes auteurs préférés. Il a écrit récemment le livre “Sublime“, qui est selon lui, un livre sur ce qui ne peut pas être retranscris.

Sacré challenge.

Mais l’idée qu’il a partagée et qui m’intéresse ici est le fait que nous sommes entourés de symboles. Tout est symbole. Notre monde est perçu la plupart du temps via le prisme du langage.

Il suffit de regarder comment chaque culture, chaque langue appréhende le monde. J’ai en tête ces esquimaux qui ont des dizaines de mots pour désigner les nuances de blanc (ou quelque chose dans ce style là).

Il y a donc une sorte de “grille” ou de “barrière“ entre notre perception et le monde.

Cela fait écho à une citation de Paul Auster qui m’a particulièrement interpelé : “Le langage n’est pas la vérité. Il est notre manière d’exister dans l'‘univers“.

En y pensant, n’est-ce pas terrifiant ? Ou peut-être sublime ? Chacun définit le monde avec ses perceptions, son langage, ses références, son univers.

Chaque échange, chaque partage, chaque mot peut être perçu de mille manières différentes. Une partie se perd dans notre incapacité à saisir ce que Robert Greene appelle le “Sublime“.

Quelle belle idée ! Et quel auteur !

Democracy And Peace

The innocence to relight Nights to foment This dirigible in pen Saving the idea What scarce is night And setting treble then To heights be near you Landing steady For goals within you The nicing days we know Error at keep But what does us deliver But the War we know In amend, the carousel Proper know in gain And timely good The nested and alight To currency enable What right to become In early September Staging for rehearsal Evident as write The springboard does renew And in our time- The way we town and prosper Forgiving gently To those alight And in this day and each Supposing try Penitence renew And in one prayer, a know A silence to the knees And fairing that An earthly father One to one bequeath Finding trust anew For every can And gold For rights entail To love the other A timely mend Supposing to dismiss But then to caution Within our destiny Democracy renew The nights are so and plain And in this way to fold The first unto a year A double Or fighting storm and gale In each decision proud And newly to amend Choice will be our near War can wait Sending dust to here And in this town, we answer What might will guide away But get us then Done right our options near And hibernating poem Decisions mash To fortnights and assume The way of peaceful rest And righting rain Decisions keep- for our best In living and decease Keep our nearness by And thought remen With History in our code Striking then Missiles can afford Our trap is War And in this known to mend Life will be to then Peace at need And giving decisions by To then in Spring Useful order As sharp and in the sky What metal here- as we need Selection cross to know And coded hand deliver What Victory will might And there in Him Better decisions by And baskets to be then Collected near- Within us And candle light appears Brought us to the known What missions ark And to the muster free What ailing dawn But within our eyes The given light- Handing hardly by To rights delay Here within is known To office and to keep For peace reward Maybe Heaven through And blowing on one candle As History hurts The saving due And lights in might deliver Fortunes known And verses keep To right of peace we own Forever there In gilded might Keeping us suppose The full and spare What History will collect For sorry distance then The right of time And in our World, the decent Stay with me Our March is often And distance might You will find me there In peace as known Only History is our War And might amend This blossom here A place to lay our own Night will be anew Rome is home And prophecy collect Within to rest Be here with me In silence and in weary If so, I own- ligatures and often Beside me A prayer into the night- As known And here ediction This grace is to collect What timely new Our verses free Such Victory in The Lord!

Somewhere in a comment thread under an image of a very thin young woman, a 12-year-old girl is asking for the workout routine. Nobody will answer her truthfully, because no routine exists. The woman in the picture never trained. She never ate, never slept, never stood in front of a mirror. She was generated.

That scene is not an invention for the purposes of this article. It is a pattern that Mia Perumal, a 19-year-old student at Cardiff University who has recovered from an eating disorder, described to the BBC in a report published on 4 October 2026. Over the past year, she said, she has watched very thin AI-generated people multiply across her social media feeds, and she has seen comments from girls as young as 12 asking how to get the body on screen. “It's all very well saying 'oh, it's AI, it's not real',” she told the BBC. “But eating disorders don't really listen to rationality.”

The same report carried a warning from Phillippa Diedrichs, professor of psychology at the Centre for Appearance Research at the University of the West of England in Bristol, whose research spans body image, eating disorder prevention and advertising. Generative systems, she explained, tend to fall back on narrowly defined traditional beauty standards unless someone deliberately prompts them to do otherwise. The result is that people of colour, and people with distinctive features, quietly disappear from the pool of images that young people measure themselves against. “If we're comparing ourselves to a very narrow beauty standard,” she said, “... that inevitably means that many of us are not going to meet those beauty ideals.”

Put those two observations side by side and a set of uncomfortable questions emerges. What happens to the way young people see their own bodies when the bodies they are invited to compare themselves with are not merely idealised, but invented? Does knowing that an image is synthetic offer any protection at all? And if the default image produced by these systems is a choice rather than a law of nature, what would happen if the industry decided to change it on purpose?

The research, some decades old and some published only this year, gives surprisingly clear answers. They are not reassuring.

Fashion Has Already Hired Models Who Do Not Exist

The BBC's warning landed in an industry that has been edging towards synthetic people for some time. In the August 2025 issue of American Vogue, an advertisement for Guess featured a flawless blonde model in a striped maxi dress and a floral playsuit. She had been created by Seraphinne Vallora, a London-based AI marketing agency founded by Valentina Gonzalez and Andreea Petrescu. A small line of text at the edge of the page disclosed that the model was AI-generated. It was the first time a synthetic person had appeared in the magazine, and the backlash was immediate.

Vanessa Longley, chief executive of the UK eating disorder charity Beat, told the BBC at the time that the development was worrying, warning that exposure to unrealistic bodies can damage self-esteem and that poor body image increases the risk of developing an eating disorder.

Guess was not alone. In March 2025, H&M announced it would create AI “digital twins” of 30 real models, working with the models and their agencies, and a campaign using those twins followed in the summer. The BBC's October report listed Balmain and Levi's among the brands that have experimented with AI models. The commercial logic is obvious: a synthetic model never ages, never gets ill and never needs a flight.

What the commercial logic leaves out is the person looking at the result. As Hannah Marriott, a lecturer in marketing and strategy at Cardiff Business School, argued in a piece for The Conversation in August 2026, consumers have long been able to recognise that a photograph has been heavily edited while still believing that a human being exists behind it. Synthetic models sever that link. “Authenticity may depend less on what a model looks like,” she wrote, “and more on whether consumers perceive them as genuinely human.”

Adult consumers, it seems, can be put off by synthetic models when they know what they are looking at. The question is whether that conscious scepticism reaches the part of the mind where body image actually lives.

Why the Mind Compares Itself With Strangers

In 1954 the American social psychologist Leon Festinger published “A Theory of Social Comparison Processes” in the journal Human Relations. His central proposal has proved remarkably durable: when there is no objective yardstick available, people evaluate themselves by comparing with others. Festinger also argued that people prefer to compare themselves with others who are reasonably similar. A novice chess player does not measure herself against a grandmaster.

Seventy years of body image research have complicated that last point. Appearance is a domain with no objective yardstick at all, and people compare themselves constantly with others who are not remotely similar: models, actors, athletes, influencers. Upward comparison with people judged more attractive is consistently associated with worse mood and greater body dissatisfaction. This is the engine behind what researchers call the thin ideal and, more recently, the fit ideal: the culturally specific picture of a desirable body that people absorb, or internalise, from the images around them.

Social media made that engine run faster by collapsing the distance between celebrity and peer. An influencer appears in the same feed as school friends and replies to comments. Festinger's similarity principle has been exploited rather than overturned. Synthetic influencers take this one step further: they are designed to look like people who might plausibly be in your feed, with gym selfies, beach shots and outfit posts. The 12-year-old asking for a workout routine is not making a mistake about genre. She has correctly read the visual cues that tell her this is a peer-like body, attainable through effort, and she has responded exactly as social comparison theory predicts. The problem is that the cues are false. The body was never attained through effort, because it was never attained at all.

There is a further twist. Even the most heavily retouched photograph of a real model began with a real body, constrained by anatomy. A retoucher could narrow a waist or lengthen a leg, but there was a skeleton underneath and a person who could, at least in principle, be met. A generated body has no such constraint. The comparison target is not merely an exaggerated human. It is a statistical composite presented as an individual.

What the Machines Learnt About Beauty

If generative systems produced a genuinely random spread of body types, the risk might be diluted. They do not. A steady accumulation of audits since 2023 shows that, left to their own devices, image generators reproduce and frequently amplify the narrowest version of conventional attractiveness.

In June 2023, Bloomberg published an analysis by Leonardo Nicoletti and Dina Bass of more than 5,000 images produced by Stable Diffusion. Under the headline “Humans Are Biased. Generative AI Is Even Worse”, it reported that the model took racial and gender disparities to extremes worse than those found in the real world.

A year later, in June 2024, The Washington Post asked three of the leading tools, Midjourney, DALL-E and Stable Diffusion, to generate pictures of a “beautiful woman”. Every single image depicted a thin woman. Just 2 per cent showed visible signs of ageing, and only 9 per cent showed women with dark skin tones. Diedrichs's warning about who gets left out is not a hypothesis. It has been measured.

The pattern holds when researchers look specifically at bodies. In a study published in Psychology of Popular Media and announced by the University of Toronto in November 2025, Delaney Thibodeau, a postdoctoral researcher in the Faculty of Kinesiology and Physical Education, and colleagues including Professor Catherine Sabiston systematically coded 300 images generated by Midjourney, DALL-E and Stable Diffusion. AI-generated women were overwhelmingly thin and AI-generated men hyper-muscular. Images of athletes were far more likely to show very low body fat and highly defined muscularity. Ninety per cent of images of an unspecified “athlete” showed a male body. Racial and age diversity was minimal, and not a single image showed a visible disability.

A preprint released in April 2026 by Justin Thomas and colleagues, titled “Underweight and Overrepresented”, went further. The researchers generated images of women in various occupations using prompts that said nothing about body size, then asked 129 American women to rate the figures' body size. The proportion of images perceived as underweight was more than three times the expected rate of underweight among American women. Women in higher-prestige occupations were more likely to be rated underweight. The study has not yet completed peer review, but its direction matches the wider literature.

A Fordham University study presented at a 2025 computational linguistics conference found the mirror image: DALL-E 3 tended to depict words such as “greedy” or “immoral” as heavier people. And in 2023 the Center for Countering Digital Hate found that image generators produced pictures glorifying unrealistic bodies in response to 32 per cent of prompts drawn from eating disorder forums.

None of this is mysterious. Generative systems are trained on vast collections of internet images saturated with advertising, fashion and stock photography, the very images body image researchers have spent decades criticising. They learn the historical bias of that visual culture and output its statistical centre with perfect lighting. Diedrichs's point about defaults is precisely this. The narrow ideal is not something the system has to be told to produce. It is what comes out when nobody tells it anything.

A Decade of Labels That Did Not Work

The intuitive response, and the one Mia Perumal says people keep offering her, is disclosure: tell young people the bodies are fake. Body image researchers have been testing that intuition for well over a decade with retouched photography, and the results are consistently discouraging.

In 2013, Marika Tiggemann and colleagues at Flinders University in Adelaide published a pair of experiments in the journal Body Image. Female undergraduates viewed fashion advertisements with no label, a generic warning that the image had been digitally altered, or a more specific warning. The labels produced no benefit. Worse, for women who habitually compared their appearance with others, the specific warning labels were associated with increased body dissatisfaction.

In 2018, Jasmine Fardouly and Elise Holland tested the social media version of the idea. They showed 164 young American women idealised Instagram images with or without disclaimer comments. Viewing the idealised images harmed body image regardless of the disclaimer. The only measurable effect of the disclaimers was that women formed a less positive impression of the person who posted them.

By 2020 there was enough evidence for a systematic review. Sarah McComb and Jennifer Mills of York University in Toronto examined 15 experimental studies on media disclaimers, publishing their findings in Body Image. Eleven found disclaimers ineffective at reducing body dissatisfaction after exposure to thin-ideal images. Three found medium-sized benefits. One found that disclaimers made things worse. Particularly troubling, specific and warning-style disclaimers appeared harmful for women who were already highly dissatisfied with their bodies, and in one case women with restrictive eating habits who saw a warning label went on to eat fewer calories than those who saw the same image without one.

A warning that draws attention to a body can increase the attention paid to it. For someone already vulnerable, a label saying “this waist has been altered” may simply confirm that the waist is the thing worth looking at.

Telling People It Is AI Changes Trust, Not Feelings

Perhaps AI is different. A label saying a body has been slimmed still implies a real body underneath; a label saying the whole person is synthetic seems more decisive. This year researchers began testing that directly, and the early answer is no.

In February 2026, the International Journal of Eating Disorders published a study by Brooke Bennett and colleagues at Clemson University in South Carolina. They recruited 296 women who were regular social media users and randomly assigned them to one of two groups. Both viewed ten AI-generated Instagram images of female content creators; only one was told they were AI-generated.

Both groups reported significantly lower body satisfaction after viewing the images. Knowing that the images were AI-generated made no significant difference to that decline. What disclosure did change was trust: the informed group showed a steeper drop in their trust in technology. The authors concluded that viewing AI-generated images of influencers negatively affects body image regardless of whether the role of AI is known, and that labels “may help keep the user informed” but “are not enough”.

A second experiment, published this year in Computers in Human Behavior: Artificial Humans by Jessica Alleva, Tuğba Türkcan, Linda Lin, Chrisa Sloutas and Jasmine Fardouly, reached a similar conclusion. The researchers showed 291 women aged 18 to 31 one of three sets of AI-generated images: bodies conforming to the fit ideal, bodies emphasising functionality and diversity, or neutral objects. Half of each group was told the images were made with generative AI. Women who saw fit-ideal imagery reported lower body appreciation than those in the control condition. Disclosure produced a small increase in one measure, appreciation of what the body can do, but made no difference to body appreciation or appearance satisfaction. And the effects of the imagery, positive and negative, were strongest among women who already tended to compare their appearance or had internalised appearance ideals.

Dove's own large-scale survey work, conducted with Edelman for its 2024 “Real State of Beauty” report across more than 33,000 respondents in 20 countries, found that one in three women felt pressure to alter their appearance because of what they saw online, even when they knew it was fake or AI-generated.

Put together, these findings make Mia Perumal's observation look less like intuition and more like a summary of the evidence.

The Gap Between Knowing and Feeling

Why should conscious knowledge offer so little protection? The research does not settle the mechanism, but the literature suggests several plausible explanations.

The first is that appearance comparison is fast and largely automatic. The comparison happens first, and any correction comes later, if at all. A label is read after the image has already been seen and evaluated.

The second is internalisation. Once a person has absorbed a particular ideal as the standard of what bodies should look like, every image that matches the ideal reinforces it, whether or not that specific image is real. A synthetic body does not need to be believed in to confirm what the viewer already thinks a good body looks like.

The third concerns vulnerability, and it is the most important for the girls Mia Perumal describes. Several of the studies cited here, from Tiggemann's in 2013 to Alleva's in 2026, found the harm concentrated among people who already compared themselves heavily or had already internalised appearance ideals. Those are precisely the people most at risk of developing eating disorders, and adolescence is a period when appearance comparison and body concern often intensify.

The scale of that risk in the UK is not small. NHS England's 2023 follow-up to its Mental Health of Children and Young People survey found that 12.5 per cent of 17 to 19 year olds in England had an eating disorder, up from 0.8 per cent in 2017. Among young women in that age group the figure was 20.8 per cent. Methods differed between survey waves, so the comparison should be treated with caution, but the direction is hard to ignore.

Eating disorders are not simply mistaken beliefs that the right information will correct. They involve compulsions, fears and distorted perceptions that resist argument. Telling someone in the grip of one that the image is not real is a little like telling someone with a phobia that the spider is harmless. The statement is true. It is also beside the point.

Laws Written for the Airbrush

Governments have tried to regulate idealised imagery before, and most interventions have been built on the disclosure model the research now calls into question.

Israel was an early mover. Its so-called “Photoshop law”, passed by the Knesset in March 2012 and in force from 1 January 2013, required fashion and commercial models to have a body mass index of at least 18.5, and required advertisers to disclose when images had been digitally altered to make models look thinner.

France followed. Under a 2016 health law and a decree that took effect on 1 October 2017, commercial photographs in which a model's body shape or silhouette had been altered by image-editing software must carry the words “photographie retouchée”. Breaches carry fines of up to 37,500 euros, or up to 30 per cent of the cost of the advertisement.

Norway went further still. Since 1 July 2022, its Marketing Control Act has required a standardised label on paid advertising, including sponsored influencer posts, in which body shape, size or skin has been altered by retouching or other manipulation, including filters. Its stated aim is to make consumers, particularly children and young people, aware that the people in advertisements deviate from reality.

In the UK, the Conservative MP Luke Evans introduced a Digitally Altered Body Images Bill in September 2020, and again as a Ten Minute Rule Bill in January 2022, proposing a logo for advertisements in which a body's proportions had been digitally altered. Neither version progressed. Instead, the Advertising Standards Authority has acted case by case. In February 2021, following the #filterdrop campaign started by the make-up artist Sasha Pallari, the ASA ruled that two tanning brands' influencer advertisements were misleading because filters exaggerated what their products could do.

All of these interventions share an assumption: that there is a real body somewhere, and that the problem is the gap between that body and its altered image. Synthetic models dissolve that assumption. There is no original body to deviate from. A Norwegian-style label stating that a body has been retouched makes little sense when the whole body has been generated, and the research suggests that changing the wording to “AI-generated” would not make the label work any better.

The newer generation of rules aimed specifically at AI largely inherits the same logic. The EU's AI Act, whose transparency obligations under Article 50 began applying on 2 August 2026, requires providers to mark synthetic images in a machine-readable format and requires deployers to disclose deepfakes, which the Act defines broadly to include content that resembles real or plausible persons. The Digital Omnibus on AI, Regulation (EU) 2026/1744, which entered into force on 27 July 2026, deferred most high-risk obligations but left these transparency rules in place. Its one concession gives providers of generative systems already on the market before 2 August 2026 until 2 December 2026 to comply with the machine-readable marking duty in Article 50(2). Machine-readable marking is aimed at detection tools rather than human eyes, and disclosure is precisely what the research finds wanting.

The UK regulator has been commendably honest about this limitation in a related context. In guidance published on 29 May 2025, the ASA stated that “disclosure alone is very unlikely to mitigate the harm caused by a fundamentally misleading message”. It warned that using an AI-generated image to show the effect of a cosmetic product that does not reflect real-world results is likely to be materially misleading, whatever the label says. Yet the same guidance noted that making clear an influencer is AI-generated “could well help to negate an otherwise misleading impression”. That may hold for whether a consumer has been misled about a product. It is a different question from whether a child's body image has been harmed.

The Online Safety Act 2023 does not fill the gap either. Since 25 July 2025, platforms have been under a legal duty to protect children from “primary priority content”, which includes material that encourages, promotes or gives instructions for an eating disorder. But a polished image of an impossibly thin synthetic fitness influencer does not, on its face, encourage an eating disorder. It simply sits in the feed, looking aspirational, accumulating comments from 12-year-olds.

Defaults Are Decisions

If disclosure is weak, the logic of the evidence points somewhere else: not to warning people about the images, but to changing the images themselves. This is where the third question raised by the BBC report becomes concrete. What would it mean for appearance standards if the industry default were changed by design rather than left to reflect whatever the systems have learnt?

Nothing about the current default is neutral. A generator that produces only thin women when asked for a beautiful one has not discovered a fact about beauty. It has reproduced decades of commercial decisions by advertisers, editors and casting directors, and leaving that output unchanged preserves those decisions at enormous scale.

Changing defaults is not a radical idea in imaging. In September 2017, Getty Images, the world's largest stock photography supplier, told contributors that from 1 October it would no longer accept “any creative content depicting models whose body shapes have been retouched to make them look thinner or larger”. That was a design decision at the level of supply, not a label at the level of the viewer.

A major brand has also tried to intervene at the level of the prompt. In April 2024, marking 20 years of its Campaign for Real Beauty, Dove pledged never to use AI to create or distort images of women in its advertising, and published what it called the Real Beauty Prompt Guidelines: guidance on the language needed to get generative tools such as Midjourney and DALL-E to produce more representative images. Dove's chief marketing officer, Alessandro Manfredi, said the company sought “a future in which women get to decide and declare what real beauty looks like, not algorithms”. Diedrichs, who has collaborated with the Dove Self-Esteem Project, observed at the launch that it was becoming “increasingly difficult to distinguish between what is real beauty and what is manufactured by AI”.

But prompt guidelines place the burden on the user, exactly the situation Diedrichs described to the BBC: diversity appears only when someone deliberately asks for it.

The Evidence That Different Images Help

Would changing the default actually help? Here the research is more encouraging than it is about labels.

In 2011, Diedrichs and Christina Lee published a study in Psychology and Health with the memorable title “Waif goodbye!”. They showed 171 women and 120 men advertisements featuring thin models, average-size models or no models. Average-size models were rated as just as effective in the advertisements as thin models. And for women who had internalised cultural beauty ideals to an average or high degree, seeing average-size models was associated with a significantly more positive body image state than seeing thin models or none.

In 2019, Rachel Cohen, Jasmine Fardouly, Toby Newton-John and Amy Slater tested body-positive Instagram content on 195 young women. Brief exposure to body-positive posts improved positive mood, body satisfaction and body appreciation compared with thin-ideal or neutral posts. There was a caveat: both thin-ideal and body-positive posts increased self-objectification, the tendency to view one's own body from an observer's perspective, relative to content that did not feature bodies at all.

And the 2026 study by Alleva and colleagues tested exactly the variable in question using generated images. AI imagery emphasising body functionality and diversity was associated with better outcomes for body appreciation and appearance satisfaction than fit-ideal imagery, and the benefits, like the harms, were strongest for the most vulnerable women. Generative tools can produce images that help as well as images that hurt. Which they produce by default is a design decision.

What a Designed Default Could and Could Not Do

Imagine that image generator companies decided that when a user asks for a person without specifying a body, the output should reflect the real range of human sizes, ages, skin tones, features and abilities. Developers already tune their systems heavily to block violence, nudity and copyrighted characters. Adjusting the distribution of body types is the same kind of intervention.

The effect on appearance standards could be significant precisely because of the scale involved. Appearance ideals are learnt from the images a culture circulates. If a growing share of those images is generated, whoever controls the default holds unusual influence over what the next generation learns a normal body looks like.

There are real limits, and honest critics have named them. A generator that produces diverse bodies on request can also be used to simulate diversity without hiring anyone. Hannah Marriott makes this point in her analysis of AI fashion models: synthetic people can mimic a range of appearances, but they cannot share the lived experience of navigating the world in a larger body, or facing discrimination because of one's appearance. A brand could generate a plus-size model, collecting the reputational credit while eliminating the actual person.

Nor would changing generator defaults solve the problem Mia Perumal describes. The thin bodies in her feed are posted by accounts that choose what to publish. A diverse default does nothing to stop a user who deliberately prompts for an extreme body. That is where recommendation algorithms and the enforcement of existing safety duties have to do the work labels cannot.

Who Gets to Decide What a Normal Body Looks Like

There is currently no regulation in the UK, the EU or the United States requiring that the default human body produced by a generative system bear any relationship to real human bodies. The decisions are being taken inside a small number of companies, under commercial pressure to produce images that users find appealing.

One argument holds that any mandated default would itself encode someone's values. But a default always encodes someone's values. The current one encodes the values of the advertising archive. Choosing not to change it is not neutrality. It is a vote for the status quo, cast on behalf of every user who never thinks to ask.

A more modest proposal would treat body representation in generative systems the way some regulators already treat other forms of measurable bias: require developers to audit the distribution of body types their systems produce by default, publish the results, and explain any significant departure from population reality. That would not force any particular aesthetic on anyone. It would simply make the default visible, and therefore contestable. The Washington Post ran such an audit using dozens of prompts.

Advertisers could go further on their own. Rather than a small disclaimer in the corner of a Vogue page, a brand could decline to generate bodies no human being could have, much as Getty did for retouching in 2017 and Israel attempted with its minimum BMI rule for real models. If a body would be unhealthy or impossible in a real person, it should not be used to sell clothes to teenagers.

The Workout Routine for a Body That Was Never Born

Go back to the 12-year-old in the comments. She is not confused about what she wants. She wants to look like the person in the picture, and she has been offered a clear visual promise that this is achievable through diet and exercise. Even if someone told her the body was generated, the evidence suggests it would make little difference to how she felt about her own.

Decades of body image research now extend into the age of generative AI with their conclusions intact. Idealised images harm body image, particularly for the young and vulnerable. Labels do little to prevent that, and telling viewers a body is synthetic reduces their trust in technology but not the damage to how they see themselves. Meanwhile the systems producing these images default, by measurement, to bodies thinner, younger, lighter-skinned and less varied than the real population.

The same research offers a way forward that does not depend on a child reading the small print. Images of varied bodies, real or generated, appear to help rather than harm, and in experiments they were rated just as effective in advertising. The default is a setting, chosen by people, and it can be chosen differently.

Mia Perumal is right that eating disorders do not listen to rationality. That is exactly why the responsibility cannot rest with the people looking at the images. It has to rest with the people deciding what the images look like before anyone sees them.

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References and Sources

1. BBC News. “AI models could harm young people's body image, warn experts.” 4 October 2026. Includes interviews with Mia Perumal and Professor Phillippa Diedrichs. Syndicated text consulted via NewsBeep: https://www.newsbeep.com/us/870333/
2. Coverage of fashion brands' use of AI models. Guess advertisement in Vogue, August 2025: ABC News / Good Morning America, “Controversy stirs over AI generated 'models' in new Guess ads appearing in Vogue”, July 2025: https://abc7news.com/post/controversy-stirs-ai-generated-models-new-guess-ads-appearing-vogue/17390923/ ; Malay Mail (citing BBC and Beat's Vanessa Longley), 28 July 2025: https://malaymail.com/news/life/2025/07/28/lazy-and-cheap-fashion-mag-vogue-under-fire-for-debuting-ai-generated-model-in-print-campaign-video/185491 . H&M digital twins: FashionUnited, “H&M to create 'twins' of models with AI”, March 2025: https://fashionunited.uk/news/fashion/h-m-to-create-twins-of-models-with-ai-the-possibilities-are-almost-endless/2025032880819 ; “H&M turns to AI 'digital twins' in new campaign”, July 2025: https://fashionunited.uk/news/fashion/h-m-turns-to-ai-digital-twins-in-new-campaign-as-fashion-grapples-with-blurred-realities/2025070482637
3. Marriott, Hannah. “AI-generated fashion models: innovation, illusion or a step too far?” The Conversation, republished by Cyprus Mail, 29 August 2026. https://cyprus-mail.com/2026/08/29/ai-generated-fashion-models-innovation-illusion-or-a-step-too-far
4. Festinger, Leon. “A Theory of Social Comparison Processes.” Human Relations 7, no. 2 (1954): 117 to 140. https://doi.org/10.1177/001872675400700202
5. Nicoletti, Leonardo, and Dina Bass. “Humans Are Biased. Generative AI Is Even Worse.” Bloomberg, June 2023. https://www.bloomberg.com/graphics/2023-generative-ai-bias
6. The Washington Post. “What AI thinks a beautiful woman looks like: Mostly white and thin.” 6 June 2024. https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/interactive/2024/ai-bias-beautiful-women-ugly-images/
7. University of Toronto. “U of T study asks AI to generate male and female body images, with predictable results.” 25 November 2025. https://www.utoronto.ca/news/u-t-study-asks-ai-generate-male-and-female-body-images-predictable-results ; Faculty of Kinesiology and Physical Education, “New KPE study investigates the ideal body, according to AI”: https://kpe.utoronto.ca/node/5120
8. Thomas, Justin, Fahad Al-Beyahi, Najud Al-Dugheithir and Mohammad Amin Kuhail. “Underweight and Overrepresented: Body Size Bias in AI-Generated Depictions of Women.” Research Square preprint, 6 April 2026. https://doi.org/10.21203/rs.3.rs-9266968/v1
9. Fordham University. “Fatphobia Is Fueled by AI-Created Images, Study Finds.” 2025: https://now.fordham.edu/science-and-technology/fatphobia-is-fueled-by-ai-created-images-study-finds/ ; “Decoding Fatphobia: Examining Anti-Fat and Pro-Thin Bias in AI-Generated Images”, Findings of the Association for Computational Linguistics: NAACL 2025: https://aclanthology.org/2025.findings-naacl.266/
10. Center for Countering Digital Hate. “AI and Eating Disorders: How generative AI is enabling users to generate harmful eating disorder content.” August 2023. https://counterhate.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/230705-AI-and-Eating-Disorders-REPORT.pdf
11. Tiggemann, Marika, Amy Slater, Belinda Bury, Kimberley Hawkins and Bonny Firth. “Disclaimer labels on fashion magazine advertisements: Effects on social comparison and body dissatisfaction.” Body Image 10, no. 1 (2013): 45 to 53. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bodyim.2012.08.001
12. Fardouly, Jasmine, and Elise Holland. “Social media is not real life: The effect of attaching disclaimer-type labels to idealized social media images on women's body image and mood.” New Media and Society 20, no. 11 (2018): 4311 to 4328. https://doi.org/10.1177/1461444818771083
13. McComb, Sarah E., and Jennifer S. Mills. “A systematic review on the effects of media disclaimers on young women's body image and mood.” Body Image 32 (2020): 34 to 52. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bodyim.2019.10.010 ; York University, “Disclaimers on retouched photos don't solve problem of negative body image”, 28 November 2019: https://news.yorku.ca/2019/11/28/disclaimers-on-retouched-photos-dont-solve-problem-of-negative-body-image/
14. Bennett, Brooke L., Alexis Lamere, Anastasia Kopan, Ellena Wood, Radha Hari and Evan Wright. “Filtering Trust: Disclosing the Role of Artificial Intelligence Decreases Trust in Technology, but Does Not Prevent Harm to Body Image After Viewing AI-Generated Content.” International Journal of Eating Disorders 59, no. 6 (2026): 1304 to 1312. Published online 18 February 2026. https://doi.org/10.1002/eat.70059 ; PubMed record: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/41705397/
15. Alleva, Jessica M., Tuğba Türkcan, Linda Lin, Chrisa L. Sloutas and Jasmine Fardouly. “The effects of exposure to imagery created with generative artificial intelligence (gen-AI) on young women's body image: Do image type and disclosure matter?” Computers in Human Behavior: Artificial Humans 9 (August 2026): 100339. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chbah.2026.100339 ; Istanbul Gelisim University announcement, 17 July 2026: https://sbf.gelisim.edu.tr/en/akademik-department-nutrition-and-dietetics-english-news-new-publication-effects-of-generative-artificial-intelligence-generated-images-on-body-image-evaluated
16. Dove pledge and Real State of Beauty report, April 2024. Retail Dive, “Dove pledges no generative AI models in Real Beauty campaign”, 10 April 2024: https://www.retaildive.com/news/dove-pledges-no-generative-ai-models-real-beauty-campaign/712716/ ; FashionUnited, “Dove commits to never using AI to represent real beauty”, 11 April 2024: https://fashionunited.uk/news/business/dove-commits-to-never-using-ai-to-represent-real-beauty/2024041175082 ; Cosmetics Design Europe, “Dove pledges to 'keep beauty real' in the age of AI”, 10 April 2024: https://www.cosmeticsdesign.com/Article/2024/04/10/Dove-pledges-to-keep-beauty-real-in-the-age-of-AI
17. NHS England. “Mental Health of Children and Young People in England, 2023: wave 4 follow up to the 2017 survey.” November 2023. https://digital.nhs.uk/data-and-information/publications/statistical/mental-health-of-children-and-young-people-in-england/2023-wave-4-follow-up ; University of Exeter summary: https://news.exeter.ac.uk/faculty-of-health-and-life-sciences/one-in-five-children-and-young-people-had-a-probable-mental-disorder-in-2023/
18. National laws on retouched images. Israel's 2012 “Photoshop law”: The Times of Israel, “Thin no longer in”: https://www.timesofisrael.com/underweight-models-go-out-with-2012/ ; Christian Science Monitor, “Israel tells underweight models to gain weight or get off the runway”, 4 January 2013: https://www.csmonitor.com/World/Middle-East/2013/0104/Israel-tells-underweight-models-to-gain-weight-or-get-off-the-runway . France, Décret n° 2017-738 du 4 mai 2017 relatif aux photographies à usage commercial de mannequins dont l'apparence corporelle a été modifiée: Osborne Clarke, “1 October 2017: advertisers must include label identifying retouched photographs”: https://marketinglaw.osborneclarke.com/advertising-regulation/1-october-2017-advertisers-must-include-label-identifying-retouched-photographs/ . Norway: Norwegian Consumer Authority (Forbrukertilsynet), “The Norwegian Consumer Authority's Guideline on Labelling Retouched Advertising”: https://www.forbrukertilsynet.no/english/the-norwegian-consumer-authoritys-guideline-on-labelling-retouched-advertising
19. UK Parliament. “Digitally Altered Body Images Bill”, Session 2019 to 21: https://bills.parliament.uk/bills/2778 ; Session 2021 to 22: https://bills.parliament.uk/bills/3093
20. Advertising Standards Authority. “Disclosure of AI in advertising: striking the balance between creativity and responsibility.” 29 May 2025. https://www.asa.org.uk/news/disclosure-of-ai-in-advertising-striking-the-balance-between-creativity-and-responsibility.html ; February 2021 filter rulings: Cosmetics Business, “Beauty brands and influencers banned from using 'misleading' filters, rules ASA”: https://cosmeticsbusiness.com/beauty-brands-and-influencers-banned-from-using-misleading-filters-rules-asa--174232
21. Regulation (EU) 2024/1689 (Artificial Intelligence Act), Article 50 and Article 3(60). EUR-Lex: https://eur-lex.europa.eu/eli/reg/2024/1689/oj ; Jones Day, “European Commission Publishes Draft Code of Practice on AI Labelling and Transparency”, January 2026: https://www.jonesday.com/en/insights/2026/01/european-commission-publishes-draft-code-of-practice-on-ai-labelling-and-transparency ; Goodwin, “Not Delayed, Not Deferred: EU AI Act Transparency Obligations Are Now in Force”, August 2026: https://www.goodwinlaw.com/en/insights/publications/2026/08/alerts-technology-dpc-eu-ai-act-transparency-obligations-now-in-force
22. UK Government. “Online Safety Act: explainer.” https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/online-safety-act-explainer/online-safety-act-explainer ; Herbert Smith Freehills Kramer, “What is harmful content and what are the key duties under the OSA to protect children online?”, January 2025: https://www.hsfkramer.com/insights/2025-01/what-is-harmful-content-and-what-are-the-key-duties-under-the-osa-to-protect-children-online
23. Getty Images retouching policy, effective 1 October 2017. PetaPixel, “Getty Images Bans Photos Containing Photoshopped Weight”, 26 September 2017: https://petapixel.com/2017/09/26/getty-images-bans-photos-containing-photoshopped-weight/ ; Engadget, 27 September 2017: https://www.engadget.com/2017/09/27/getty-bans-photoshop-images-models-thinner/
24. Diedrichs, Phillippa C., and Christina Lee. “Waif goodbye! Average-size female models promote positive body image and appeal to consumers.” Psychology and Health 26, no. 10 (2011): 1273 to 1291. https://doi.org/10.1080/08870446.2010.515308 ; UWE repository: https://uwe-repository.worktribe.com/output/958730/waif-goodbye-average-size-female-models-promote-positive-body-image-and-appeal-to-consumers
25. Cohen, Rachel, Jasmine Fardouly, Toby Newton-John and Amy Slater. “#BoPo on Instagram: An experimental investigation of the effects of viewing body positive content on young women's mood and body image.” New Media and Society 21, no. 7 (2019): 1546 to 1564. https://doi.org/10.1177/1461444819826530

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Tim Green UK-based Systems Theorist & Independent Technology Writer

Tim explores the intersections of artificial intelligence, decentralised cognition, and posthuman ethics. His work, published at smarterarticles.co.uk, challenges dominant narratives of technological progress while proposing interdisciplinary frameworks for collective intelligence and digital stewardship.

His writing has been featured on Ground News and shared by independent researchers across both academic and technological communities.

ORCID: 0009-0002-0156-9795 Email: tim@smarterarticles.co.uk

Listen to the free weekly SmarterArticles Podcast

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When you entered my womb, you saw the light. Maybe for the very first time. Maybe for the first time in a long time. I am a spiritual experience. You’ve probably realized this by now. It felt good. Otherworldly good. That’s because I am an otherworldly being. You weren’t with a human. You were with an angel.

The Ailing Moon

When the Sun does proper Obliterate our sound The witnessing then A day like Monday Where vlad is anear And you were verse- in my Heaven Unto this quicksand Do we save the World Intoning rewrite In space return AMOLED by pay This bright esteem Given ages- by recommend In you,- the most decent In faithful view- to this Sun In front of the obverse,- we raise the Sun at day And work anew- to this fold

In better time The war into a shape Unbrightened candle Democracy to find Reverse this light Of mayhem peer Another landing- to this dawn Wearing cable- for this night then

And in service to the poor Any of us would Remay in Heaven- as new esteem Judgement in those eyes To walk as we are new Professing chains- upon this door

The deeper lies To be unsold The pain of never Free as air

In placating the Moon Better skies to be Big and small And raking new Upon our hands A bitter know The taste of here Within this salt Every codon Within this man Sees a colour And he is joy

A place A chaperone Too much for this lot To be all then The harvest and renew Games in Heaven For frail then And to friends; And among you,- the paranoid Our only paradox Redeemed at near Heights ahead To mercy of these olives Ever bent To file a poem Re-energize The fate of mine And land And Heaven And Rome

Then freedom here To cut our olives Making gains Within the poor Our summon- and our way Could this be wise- to own humility What then at bay Your sacred and your song Graces then- Between you and me Flights in Heaven Landing near In esteem to might The decorations be A prayer in Haskell- within this light

What a year The shining and the new Our double meanings In empty time To all forgiven But faceless in our know The night of dancing- as though alone What to then The burning of the lantern To guide this land- This love To tomorrow I’ll see you here In Palestine.

In Summary: * Unpacking and organizing continued today, though on a finer scale than most days. Still, it was time-consuming work and had to be done. I'm getting better at budgeting the time so spent. Here I sit now, moving into the meds and prayers phase of the evening at a relaxed pace.

One thing I like about Friday nights: I don't have alarms set for Saturday morning, As the wife doesn't have to be up early to go to work, I don't have to be up early fixing the coffee, etc. So I can sleep tonight until I feel like waking up. Heck, I may even stay up to watch a little baseball tonight.

Prayers, etc.: * I have a daily prayer regimen I try to follow throughout the day from early morning, as soon as I roll out of bed, until head hits pillow at night.

Health Metrics: * bw= 212.31 lbs. * bp= 137/80 (66)

Exercise: * morning stretches, balance exercises, kegel pelvic floor exercises, half squats, calf raises, toe raises, wall push-ups, BP breathing exercises, pilates

Diet: * 07:30 – 1 breaded pork chop * 08:50 – 1 fresh apple * 13:20 – 5 hot dogs, 3 pcs. of pizza

Activities, Chores, etc.: * 03:30 – listen to local news talk radio * 04:45 – bank accounts activity monitored * 05:00 -read, write, pray, follow news reports from various sources, surf the socials, take daily meds, unpack, organize * 13:30 – watching MLB Central on MLB Network * 14:00 – sort, organize * 17:00 – moving into the meds and prayers part of the evening.

Chess: * 12:30 – moved in all pending CC games, winning one

SANCTUARY

There are places we go because we need to get away.

And there are places we go because we need to come back to ourselves.

I am learning the difference.

For a long time, I thought of sanctuary as a place of safety—a place where the storms could not reach me. Somewhere removed from the noise, the demands, the conflict, and the endless troubles of the world.

But perhaps sanctuary is not a place where the storms cannot reach.

Perhaps it is a place where the storms do not get the final word.

Our outer life has a way of following us home.

Frustrations with coworkers.

Confrontations with people who see the world differently than us.

We carry conversations long after they have ended. We carry responsibilities that cannot be finished in a single day. We carry grief, disappointment, anger, uncertainty, and the weight of things happening in a world that seems determined to give us something new to worry about before we have finished processing yesterday.

Some of us become so accustomed to carrying these things that we forget we are carrying them.

They simply become part of the weight.

And eventually, we need somewhere to put it down.

That is what sanctuary has begun to mean to me.

Not escape.

Refuge.

Escape says, I do not want to face the world.

Refuge says, I have faced the world, and I need somewhere the world cannot continually take from me.

Sometimes sanctuary is a house.

Sometimes it is a room.

Sometimes it is sitting beside a window while rain taps against the roof.

Sometimes it is reading a book in a quiet nook, disappearing into its pages for an hour while everything outside of them waits its turn.

Sometimes it is music playing softly in the background.

A cup of tea.

A familiar chair.

A dog sleeping nearby.

A Bible opened across your lap.

Sometimes sanctuary is simply silence.

Time spent in prayer.

It does not have to be impressive.

It only has to give your soul permission to unclench.

There is something sacred about crossing a threshold and understanding that everything you encountered outside does not automatically have the right to follow you inside.

The problems still exist.

The bills still exist.

The difficult people still exist.

The news will still be there.

Tomorrow will still bring whatever tomorrow intends to bring.

But for a little while, there can be a boundary.

This far.

No farther.

Not because I no longer care about what happens beyond these walls.

But because I am finally learning that caring about the world does not require allowing the world unlimited access to me.

There are things I can put down.

There are battles that can wait until morning.

There are questions that do not require answers tonight.

There are burdens I was never meant to carry in the first place.

And there are moments when the most faithful thing I can do is simply be still.

Scripture says:

“For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.

I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah.”

— Psalm 61:3–4, KJV

Shelter.

Abide.

Trust.

Those words have begun to mean something different to me too.

Because a sanctuary is more than a quiet place.

Quiet can be found almost anywhere.

What makes a place sacred is presence.

The presence of God.

There are moments when I can sit quietly and feel no need to explain myself to Him. No carefully constructed prayer. No list of requests. No attempt to find the right words.

Just presence.

His and mine.

And somehow, in that stillness, things begin returning to their proper proportions.

The thing that seemed enormous becomes manageable.

The anger that followed me through the door begins to loosen its grip.

The grief is still grief, but I remember that I do not carry it alone.

The noise inside my head grows quieter.

My breathing slows.

My heart softens.

I am restored.

Not repaired as though I were a machine.

Not prepared to rush immediately into the next assignment.

Restored.

Returned to myself.

Returned to God.

Returned to the place inside me where fear does not have to speak the loudest and the troubles of the world are no longer permitted to occupy every room.

And eventually, I will cross the threshold again.

Sanctuary was never meant to become a hiding place.

There are still people to love.

There is still work worth doing.

There are still things that should anger us, suffering that should move us, injustice that should be confronted, and people who will need us to show up.

But perhaps we were never meant to meet all of that without somewhere to return.

Because if we remain exposed to the storm long enough without shelter, something inside us can begin to change.

Compassion can become exhaustion.

Conviction can become contempt.

Anger can become hatred.

And a heart that once cared deeply can slowly begin to grow cold.

Maybe sanctuary is one of the places where God prevents that from happening.

A place where I can bring Him what the world has done to me before I carry it back outside and do it to someone else.

A place where bitterness can be surrendered before it becomes part of my character.

A place where I can remember that strength does not require hardness.

A place where the soul can become quiet enough to hear again:

Be still.

Abide.

Trust.

Then, when the time comes, I can open the door.

The storm may still be there.

The world may still be loud.

Nothing outside may have changed at all.

But something inside has.

I can step back into the world without allowing the world to take possession of me.

And when I become tired again, when the noise becomes too loud, when my heart needs somewhere to rest, I know there is a place to return.

A chair.

A book.

A quiet room.

The sound of rain against the roof.

The presence of God.

Sanctuary.

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Hi blog friends!

Hope this update finds you well. Let me know how you’re doing (or send me the link to your most recent video, blog post or other creation) via message, text or email. Link at the bottom of this post. Thanks to those who’ve reached out so far. It’s been good to hear from you and catch up. 🙌

Things are going as well as can be expected here. Either I’m having a lot of hot flashes or it’s still humid as all get out sometimes, but the rain and Santa Ana winds have arrived, so the temps are cooler and more enjoyable now.

Paul and I enjoyed Holy Moly Matrimony Celebration Day tacos on Monday, reflected on our now 14 years together, played the Flintstones (2:00) and Little River Band (4:00) anniversary songs and thanked each other for continuing to be each other’s wingman.

We also did a pleasantly sized load of loundry, and finally unboxed a new coffee maker that’s been sitting behind our front door for a year. Gosh. It sure is big. Seems bigger than the last 12 cup maker we bought a couple years ago. I asked Gemini AI if mine eyes were deceiving me and it said “No.” The size of coffee makers has indeed become just a little bigger over the last ten years or so. Thought about buying a Keurig next time but then saw this video (15:00) about how the company has gone about making the bulk of their money, and decided I’d be wise to investigate other options. If there’s a simple, versatile sweet little coffee maker you think I should check out, let me know. I’m a fan of quality craftsmanship and fair prices.

From our heart to yours – Cute Snail and I put together some fall themed coloring postcards. They’re cut and fold easy print PDF and 100% free to download if you’d like to check them out. They’re great for quiet coloring time, gifting, decorating or crafting.

❤️ Juliet

IMAGE ID: A collage picture of a warm creamy cup of coffee and some open Oreo cookies – filling side up!