Kitaptan üçüncü seçimim, Lorrie Moore’dan “PEOPLE LIKE THAT ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE HERE”: Bir anne, bir evlat ve bir hastane.

Böyle baktığımızda fazlasıyla bireysel görünüyor olabilir ama bir hastanede yaşanabilecek tüm garipliklerle çaresizlikten doğan nükteyle baş edilir. Evrenseldir, hepimizin hikâyesidir özellikle sevdiklerini, hastane koridorlarında bekleyenlere fazlasıyla tanıdık gelecektir.

“PEOPLE LIKE THAT ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE HERE” (1997)

Hikâye şu sözlerle başlar: “Bir başlangıç ve bir son; ikisine de benzemeyen…”

Sıradan bir gün olabilir ama sıradan bir başlangıç hiç değildir: Başrolde bir anne vardır, bebeğinin bezinde bir kan pıhtısı görür. (Kim koymuştur, belki başkasına aittir, muhakkak başkasına aittir ya da anneye aittir, yardımcıya ait olabilir, her şey olabilir...) Zihin boş durmaz; ihtimalleri acıya teslim etmemek için.

Mekân hastanedir ve bir hastanede yaşanan tüm (gariplikler) çok güzel betimlenir:

“They fold their arms across their white-coated chests, unfold them again and jot things down. They order an ultrasound. Bladder and kidneys. Here’s the card. Go downstairs, turn left.” (416)

İşte bu kadar basittir! Anne, tedirgindir ve radyoloğa sormaya çalışır: “Bir şey mi gördünüz?” Karşında gördüğü yüzden ters giden bir şeyler olduğunu anlayarak: Mekaniklik, gariplik, tuhaflık… Hepsi karakterin içinde bulunduğu tüm diyaloglarda karşımıza çıkar:

 (…)  

— “You don’t know exactly what it is until it’s in the bucket.”

— “In the bucket,” Mother repeats.

— “That’s doctor talk,” the Radiologist says.

— “It is very appealing,” says the mother. It’s a very appealing way to talk.” (416)

Dünyanın neresinden olursak olalım; bu konuşmalara yabancı olduğumuzu kim söyleyebilir? Anlatıcının gözlem gücünde hissedilen tanıklık “diyalogla” kurulur. Asıl doktor gelir; bebek, annesinin kucağındadır ve annenin üstünden çıkarmadığı “yeşil parkasındaki şapkayla” oynar.

(Takar ve çıkarır; bebek için bu çok eğlencelidir). Bu sahne, anne “o” parkayı giydiğinde hep tekrarlanır, şüphesiz anlatıcımız tüm bu oyunların ve tabii “Ce-eee” yani (Pekaaboo’nun) bir bebeğin dünyasındaki yerini bilerek anlatır.

Duyduğu ses: “Wilms’ Tümörü” der. Anne, tümörü bilir ama Wilm(s)’i bilmez (s) bu vurguya takılır. Şu sözler dökülür, “He says the tumor as if it were the most normal things in the world.” (417) Anlatıcı, “Bütün yaşamın, anneyi bu ana getirdiğini” söylemektedir:

(…) All the lullabies in the world, all the melodies threaded through with maternal melancholy now become for her —abandoned as mothers can be by working men and napping babies— the songs of hard, hard grief. Sitting there bowed and bobbing, the Mother feels the entirety of her love as worry and heartbreak. A quick and irrevocable alchemy: there is no longer one unworried scrap left for happiness. “If you go,” she keens low into his soapy neck, into the ranunculus coil of his ear, “we are going with you” We are nothing without you. Without you, we are a heap of rocks. Without you, we are two stumps, with nothing any longer in our hearts. Wherever this takes you, we are following; we will be there. Don’t be scared. We are going, too, wherever you go. That is that. That is that. (420-421).

Eşi eve gelir ne de olsa haber duyulmuştur, sandalyede yıkılıp kalır ancak söylediği ilk söz şu olur: “Take notes” (421).

Not alınmalıdır çünkü “para” lazımdır. “Frigid” sıfatı boşuna değildir; karşısında “buz” gibi duran adam ona yabancıdır ve “not” karakterin hep aklındadır. “Yeri geldiğinde” onu kilitli yerinden çıkaracaktır.

Hikâye ne kadar üzücü görünse de mizah hep vardır: Tedavi masraflarını karşılamak için evin satılması bir seçenektir; peki nerede yaşayacaklardır: “MacDonald Çiftliği olabilir mi?” Tüm yaşam artık bir evlat üzerine kurulur ve bizim bildiğimiz Ali Baba’nın Çiftliği, artık anne ve babanın da dünyası olmuştur.

Bir onkoloji koridorunun özneleri olan evlatlar, ebeveynler, doktorlar, hemşireler, tüm sağlık personelleri. Bu sahne anlatılırken evlatlarını bekleyen anneler için “mortal women” (429) tanımlaması yapılır. Herkes ölümlüdür, asıl zor olan “yaşayan” tarafta bunu deneyimlemektir.

Güzel şeyler olur, o anda hissedilemeyen ama zorluklar içinde beliren “humming through the war” denilenler:

(…) the Baby likes the hospital. He likes the long corridors, down which he can run. He likes everything on wheels. The flower carts in the lobby! (Please keep your boy away from the flowers,” says the vender. We’ll buy the whole display,” snaps the Mother, adding, “Actual children in a children’s hospital-unbelievable, isn’t it?

The Baby likes the other little boys. Places to go! Places to see! Rooms to wander into! There is Intensive Care. There is Trauma Unit. The Baby smiles and waves. What a little Cancer Personality! Bandaged citizens smile and wave back. In Peed-Onk there are the bald little boys to play with. Joey, Eric, Tim, Mort and Tod. (Mort! Tod!)

There is the four-year old, Ned, holding his little deflated rubber ball, the one with the intriguing curling hose. The baby wants to play with it. “It is mine, leave it alone,” says Ned. “Tell the baby to leave it alone.” “Baby, you’ve got the share,” says the Mother from a chair some feet away. (428)

Zaman, boş bir mama sandalyesi ve beşikle birlikte ilerler. Operasyon öncesi evdelerdir ve durum şu şekilde özetlenir:

“Jobs have been quit, marriages hacked up, bank accounts ravaged; the parents have seemingly endured the unendurable.” (429)

Ameliyat günü gelir; kadın ameliyat koridorunda eşinin elinde “bedava dağıtılan sıcak çikolata” görmüştür. Anne, dayanacak gibi değildir; zihnin arka odasında “Carol of the Bells” çalıyordur ancak bu yılbaşı şarkısı, bir hastane koridoru için fazlasıyla korkutucu gelmeye başlar (433).

Bu hikâye mutlu denilebilecek bir sonla biter; ameliyat başarılı geçmiştir, tehlike devam etse de kemoterapi tercihi, aileye bırakılmıştır. Hastaneden ayrılış, geride kalanlar için zorlayıcıdır ama tüm bu süreç içerisinden çıkan o “uhrevi güzelliği” adam, “collateral beauty” olarak adlandırır ancak kadın aynı fikirde değildir: Dönüş yolunda aralarında şu konuşma geçer:

—“Don’t you feel consoled, knowing we’re all in the same boat, that we’re all in this together?

—“But who on earth would want to be in this boat?

—“The Baby’s heart-she can hear it- drums with life. (445)

Ve hikâye, “Not al” cümlesinin kilidinin açılmasıyla biter. Latife Tekin’den referansla “para gürültüsü” işte buradadır: Ortada lazım olan o adı batasıca “para” vardır.

Bahsi geçen eserler:

A CENTURY OF FICTION IN THE NEW YORKER 1925-2025 EDITED BY DEBORAH TREISMAN. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2025.

Görselde kullanılan ve düzenlenen fotoğraf, Wisconsin Literary Map sitesinden alınmıştır.

Business, Brandnames, Beliefs

I am very fed up with mainstream anything. Liberal punditry makes me ditch the word “liberal” even though I have loved it for years. I get Heather Cox Richardson’s articles sent to me from Substack, X, YouTube, META, and it brings me down. She strikes me as an intelligent, caring person. But that is merely her demeanor. OR, she just doesn’t know that her bringing thousands of paying Dems and liberals to corporations like TikTok makes CEOs worldwide chuckle. The dollar bills she represents to them are much more valuable than anything she says. She works for them. But here I am supposed to take her liberal commentary seriously. She knows this, I think. She is smart, not saying she’s dumb. But she advertises the enemy businesses.

State and Corporate

Fascism, as we know, is a marriage of state and corporate. I think even though we know this saying, many of us have not “gone there” in our imagination. It is vital to realize that this is the Corporate United States we all wanted and dreamed of. Along with billionaires and trillionaires, we get not knowing who folks work for. Because government and corporate are so mixed, senators, the president, anyone could be signing off on legislation for a seat on the board or some stocks. That’s where we live now.

I’ll just list a few popular examples of folks and institutions I don’t know about:

Cory Booker— his industrial military complex ties in NJ and performative anger. After his big ole’ speech, he did not go to work; he opted for a book tour. He voted for Trump’s cabinet, he worked with Ted Cruz. I am not saying working with Republicans is bad; it is what you are there for. But in line with this other stuff, Ted Cruz doesn’t help.

Hakeem Jeffries betrayed all Americans and Democrats by going against Medicare for all. Why would he do that? Insurance companies, maybe?

Rachel Maddow used to be a favorite of mine. But now I find her to be pure speculative performance. I don’t know if she changed, or if this is my change, both. But she is amazing at making you think what she’s saying is real; most of the time it isn’t.

Anyone using X or Substack, META, I know of. These kinds of liberals anger the snot out of me. They think their words mean more than the thousands of paying customers they bring to corporations that bought the US government. Everyone laughs, but them. If they all got together and made an ethical one, problem solved, and I bet it would be a hit. But they are leeches to corporate power. Not very “strong”, in my book.

Billionaires – I used to think there were good ones and bad ones. I was wrong. Even if they vote Democrat, the title of “billionaire” is the greatest error our society has made that I can think of, but stick around! We might be close to topping that. They’re all bad, every single one. They do not have to act badly to be bad. They can just have too much, own too much, boss too much…and be bad.

The Police With Fascism, comes a mob of angry men. They work for the government. They do not care about right or wrong, legality, or propriety. They want as many heads in the van as they can muster. We sell these folks to prisons, prisons get paid per head, even in other countries like El Salvador. This is an industry. Death is an industry. This is my suspicion, we will only see these angry white boys more and more the further away from popularity Trump slips. We might not see it on the news though, stay “woke.” haha. The police was invented to catch slaves, they’re just returning to their roots.

Schools – Here in Texas, if you are a girl, you might wind up high on Jesus and knocked up before finishing high school. At one time, when I saw a news report about our town here, we had more pregnant teens than staff in the whole ISD. I think this area is treacherous for young women. But what about the men? Young men are impressionable too, I was. What if there aren’t folks to show young men about being good young men? I think that’s a bad place for both boys and girls. But, the corporations get a good workforce out of that pool.

Elections. I don’t know what happened with Kamala Harris. I still can’t figure it out. She acted very weird. She had a template with how to talk to Trump from Rachel Scott that all she had to do was copy. She acted out of place, like she was lying and caught off guard. She said weird, inappropriate stuff about her gun. She was a great prosecutor. What happened? Yet when I brought this up with fellow Democrats, I got very hostile treatment and “shut up, vote blue.” I was also called by Democrats, “boomer, fat ass, privileged, on and on.” As long as elections are like this, I don’t see how reason wins. It isn’t even on the menu. This is when I no longer called myself a Democrat, by the way. 2024. I didn’t like Kamala. I didn’t like Democrats. Guess I am not a Democrat anymore.

The thing about fascists..

This is the important part of fascism everyone needs to know. Brands and government are the same. If you are attached to a brand of clothing, electronics, politics, food, vehicle, website, any software, tools, anything, consider the situation fluid. Your brand could be killing folks in the desert, deporting them there, closing homeless shelters, starving kids; you just don’t know.

Make a profile!

When you make a public profile on a brand-name site, you are advertising for that site, even if you don’t think you are. They do, and they got the money. There is a saying in Silicon Valley that goes, “If you aren’t purchasing the product, you are the product.” What do you think that means? I will tell you, you are a tool for them to deliver data to and harvest from, and you advertise to your circle their service. Of course, it doesn’t cost a thing. It’s like thousands of dollars worth of work you give them. They’ll let you have a log in for that.

Kelly Kintner

I like to email conversation. If you think we’d enjoy talking to each other, thekintnersmusic@gmail.com .. Thanks for reaching out.

Okay so today I decided to get a little too aspirational with the would-be reading corner. Pulled a couple plants out of the garden and potted them inside. I have no idea whether or not they will survive, but if they do... I may attempt to make this corner even more lush.

#journal #studio

Place: A seat by the window facing the bike path, Pikolo Espresso Bar, Quartier des spectacles, Tiohtià:ke Date: 2026-10-03, 08:17 EDT Conditions: Sleepy-eyed. 7°C, sunny, cool autumn breeze coming from the northwest, sunlight and wayward glances reflecting off my circular black sunglasses on the walk over.

My Apple Watch is dead when I wake up, already prepared to wander. I slipped it onto its magnetic charger without thinking—muscle memory—and grabbed my other watch instead: a circular Fossil watch with a black face and band. Its battery has been dead for a while now, too, the hands stuck at 05:25 on the morning of an 18th that I can’t quite remember. Still, I slip it over my left wrist, mostly to cover the watch tan that has been fermenting all summer. For a second, I’m somewhere else entirely: frolicking with friends through the Champ des possibles, trekking across Parc René-Lévesque toward the water, feeling my heart rate increase as I pass the cruising spot near the tracks. I catch myself and come back.

I slide on my bomber jacket and glance at the watch face. Dead battery, right, of course. I remember now all those days I meant to change it, but didn’t. It seemed so trivial that I stopped seeing it as a choice. I roll my sleeve down to cover it, as if anyone was paying attention, and meander out the door.

Place des Arts is quiet. Birds chirp in the crisp Saturday morning air, and tourists cluster at the corner of Sainte-Catherine and Jeanne-Mance. A young father is playing with his daughter in front of the Columbus Café, running through the shade and sun thrown by Maestria, the two condo buildings connected by a pedestrian bridge on their twenty-sixth floor. Finally looking up, the child’s mother pulls her phone out of the top of the empty stroller and snaps a photo.

I often think about how slowly this city wakes up on a Saturday. Just a touch too late, wiping the crust from its eyes and shaking out its hair as it coaxes itself back to life. Gently. There’s an expression for this type of morning in French that doesn’t survive translation: grasse matinée. A morning that’s slow; indulgent. Forgiven in advance. My pace slows for a split second before the walk pulls me back into myself.

A small cluster of tourists jaywalks from the opposite corner of Sainte-Catherine and Saint-Urbain. The streets are all empty at this time, of course. My eyes flick, reflexively, to the SPVM headquarters. I keep waiting for the traffic light anyway.

Up Clark, some unhoused folks are sleeping on wet benches, covered in blankets. The city’s security apparatus is also slow to rise on a Saturday morning, just like everything else. But I know how this goes: by the time the tourist veneer needs the streets to look a certain way, these folks will be cleared up, scuttling through the city with their belongings, their histories, their whole lives, stuffed into backpacks while the whole city looks away.

I get to Pikolo and decide to take my coffee for here. I’m sitting by the big windows facing the bike path down rue Ontario. I chat with the barista about paper newsletters stacked on the counter, the ones made by a community member who got tired of the algorithm deciding what she saw and when. She chose to build instead. The concept is simple, yet profound: folks submit whatever they feel like sharing, and a newsletter full of poetry, reflections, and horoscopes is printed on coloured paper, folded with care, and distributed to others who need the digital detox. No more news feed, no algorithmic ranking, no one editing to maximize engagement. I take out my notebook and a book I just picked up from the BAnQ that’s due back in a couple of weeks. Both analog. Both, for now, still working.

Published

The deadline for the blog came and went. It wasn’t as bad or as scary as I’d begun to feel, but I still can’t help but wonder and feel whether or not my supervisor supports what I suggest. I always feel a pushback or resistance. Especially, lately. I’m trying to observe it without letting it drown me or alter my intention and motivation. I’m simply allowing the frustration that comes with this realization to come visit without it dampening or overpowering my solidity and even my intuition. I do not need the validation of anyone, but in order for me to work well with someone, I do need their trust. I need them to already recognize that I have a consistent and solid work ethic and very strong principles. And when decided, I get things done. I woke up feeling a little lighter about the blog that needed to be published knowing that I just need to clean up a few things and that it’s finally ready. I put it through one of those AI writing detectors just in case

Synchronicity

I was 10 minutes late for meditation today. I haven’t been sleeping at the right hours. I’ve been sleeping at 304am and waking up at 9am at the very earliest but, 11am on average. I had been thinking a lot about The City and Its Uncertain Walls novel and its themes were on my mind as a sat for the meditation. During the Dharma talk, I was still a little sleepy, and so I closed my eyes to listen. I like that what was being shared with us was from the Monk’s direct experience, and about how there is more to life than discipline and following the “things you think you need to do”. That it’s still important to let the light in. The translator first used the word shadow instead of light, but when I asked to clarify, when we were allowed to ask questions, apparently she meant to translate “komorebi” which is the phenomena of “sunlight leaking through trees”and it immediately made me think of the book.

There are these and small things throughout the day that always make me feel that everything is truly connected.

Printing Era

My friend L found a printer outside her doorstep some weeks ago (the one that I had to lug and bring along on my night out dancing). I finally got a chance to test whether or not it works. I bought printer ink and installed it today, and… *drum-roll* it works! It absolutely works. Nothing printed when I used the old ink, but once replaced—everything worked out. I only paid $50 for the ink, and it’s a usable machine. I can’t believe that that’s where we are. People are so well-to-do and comfortable that they leave perfectly usable machines and electronics out on their doorsteps, to take, for free.

#writing #daily

It is a strange thing for me to feel desirable in this sense. I find myself in situations where I am caught off guard by someone finding me attractive or something along those lines, and them treating me better than I have been treated in the past. And I think it’s a weird thing for me to reflect on.

Search Notebook

Chapter 1: The Quiet Guilt You Carry Into Sunday

There are Sunday mornings when you do not want anyone to know you are struggling with church. You may still believe in Jesus. You may still pray. You may still care deeply about your faith. But when the morning comes, something inside you resists. Maybe you are exhausted. Maybe you were hurt by people you trusted. Maybe you are ashamed that you have been away so long. And somewhere beneath all of that is the quiet fear that God is keeping track. That is why what Jesus really said about going to church on Sunday matters. Not because you are looking for an excuse, but because you want to know whether the guilt in your chest actually sounds like Him.

Jesus did not give His followers a command that said, “Be in a church building every Sunday or you have failed Me.” He lived within Jewish Sabbath life, and when people turned the Sabbath into something harsh, He challenged them. In Mark 2:27, He said the Sabbath was made for people, not people for the Sabbath. That statement does not dismiss worship. It reveals the heart behind it. God did not create sacred rhythms so people could become terrified of missing them. He gave them as gifts meant to draw people closer to Him. That is where learning to follow Jesus beyond a Sunday routine becomes so important, because faith was never supposed to shrink into one morning on the calendar.

Maybe you know what it feels like to sit alone at the kitchen table while a church service is happening somewhere else. The coffee gets cold. Your phone is face down. You are not doing anything rebellious. You are simply tired, or sad, or trying to understand why being around church people has become complicated. There is a difference between running from God and trying to heal in His presence. Sometimes those two things look similar from the outside, but Jesus has always been better at seeing the heart than people are.

That does not mean isolation is always healthy. There are times when the next faithful step is to let another believer back into your life. It may not begin with a crowded sanctuary. It might begin with one honest conversation, one small group, one person you trust enough to tell the truth. Faith can become dangerously private when nobody is close enough to notice that you are losing hope.

But I do not believe Jesus is standing at the door with a clipboard, measuring your worth by your attendance. I believe He is asking whether you are coming closer. Are you becoming more honest with Him? More willing to forgive? More open to receiving help? More willing to love people who are difficult to love? Those questions reach much deeper than whether you occupied a seat for an hour.

If Sunday has become heavy for you, do not begin with shame. Begin with Jesus. Let Him separate the voice of guilt from the voice of invitation. Church can become meaningful again when it stops being a test and becomes a place where you can breathe, listen, worship, and remember that you do not have to carry faith alone.

Chapter 2: When Faith Becomes Something You Carry Alone

There is a particular kind of loneliness that can happen when you still believe in God but no longer feel at home around other Christians. You may pray in the car, read Scripture late at night, and think about Jesus often, yet still avoid the people who might ask where you have been. Sometimes the distance begins because life got busy. Sometimes it begins because church became painful. Sometimes you simply stopped going for a while and then felt too embarrassed to come back.

That kind of isolation can slowly change the way you see yourself. You begin assuming everyone else has stronger faith. You imagine they will notice that you have been gone. You tell yourself you need to get your life together before returning. Before long, what started as a few missed Sundays becomes a private wall you do not know how to cross.

Jesus never treated struggling people that way. He did not tell them to clean themselves up before coming closer. He moved toward people who were confused, ashamed, rejected, and tired. He ate with people religious leaders looked down on. He spoke with people others avoided. He had a way of making room for the person who thought they no longer belonged.

That matters when Sunday feels complicated. Returning to Christian community does not have to begin with pretending everything is fine. It can begin with honesty. Maybe you tell one person, “I have been having a hard time.” Maybe you attend quietly without trying to explain your whole story. Maybe you find a different church because the place you left is no longer healthy for you. Reconnecting does not have to look dramatic. Sometimes the smallest step is the most faithful one.

I think about the person sitting in a parked car outside a church, watching people walk through the doors while trying to decide whether to go inside. The engine is still running. Their hands are on the steering wheel. They are not afraid of God. They are afraid of feeling out of place. That person does not need a lecture about attendance. They need to remember that the church is supposed to be a place where imperfect people come because they need grace.

Christian community matters, but it should never become a performance. You do not need to prove that you belong by acting stronger than you are. You belong because Christ has invited you into His life, and every believer is still learning how to follow Him.

If you have been carrying faith alone, perhaps Sunday can become less about proving something and more about allowing yourself to be known again.

Chapter 3: When Sunday Becomes a Place to Return

The next Sunday may arrive without any dramatic change. You may wake up in the same room, with the same questions, the same tired body, and the same uncertainty about whether you are ready to walk through a church door again. That is okay. Faith does not always move through big decisions. Sometimes it moves through one small act of trust.

Maybe your step is simply getting dressed and going. Maybe it is watching a service at home because that is what your health allows right now. Maybe it is calling someone you trust and asking if you can sit with them. Maybe it is opening the Bible at the kitchen table and telling God the truth about why church has become hard. What matters is that you are not hiding from Him.

Jesus did not ask you to build a perfect Sunday routine. He asked you to follow Him. That means your faith can meet you in a sanctuary, in a hospital room, on a work shift, in a quiet apartment, or in the car before you decide whether to go inside. The location matters less than the direction of your heart.

At the same time, do not let fear make every decision for you. If part of you wants Christian community again, listen to that longing. You may not need a perfect church. You may simply need a healthy place where people are trying to love Jesus, tell the truth, forgive one another, and keep growing.

Sunday can become lighter when it stops being a test. It can become a place of return. Not a return to pretending, but a return to grace, to people, to worship, and to the quiet realization that Jesus has been near you even in the weeks when you did not know what to do.

Your friend, Douglas Vandergraph

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By this I do not mean an unanswered question. That is simply a question in waiting. There is the possibility it carries no movement, no relation. An unanswered question may simply lack an answer.

An unfinished question possesses something more valuable: room for another person to enter. We often imagine teaching as the transfer of knowledge. A student asks a question. The teacher provides an answer. The transaction is complete. The question has served its purpose and may now be discarded. Yet I have discovered that some of the most important moments in learning occur when the question remains alive. Sometimes uncomfortably so. A student asks whether the water in a lake is drinkable. The teacher might answer, “Yes.” Or “No.” Or provide a detailed explanation of salinity, contamination, and water quality. But there is another possibility: “Suppose it is brackish...” The statement does not answer the question. It does not evade it either. And it it not deploying the deflective technique, of asking an adjacent question. Instead, it enters the question and gently alters its shape.

The student must now continue. How would we know? Could it still be used What alternatives are there The question moves forward, but ownership of it remains shared. The value lies not in uncertainty but in relationship. This manner of proceeding; I will not call it a technique; for it falls as part of the essayist's third honesty. For the invitatation must allow that the student may respond with a question that the teacher has not imagined.

We have become accustomed to treating thought as a race towards completion. The answer is assumed to be the goal. Yet completion carries a risk. A question answered too completely ceases to belong to the person who asked it. And excludes the contribution of others, or closes down the desire for further inquury. “What if” becomes actively discouraged. Even to the point of “Wait and see”.

The unfinished question preserves participation. It is an act of restraint. The teacher, writer, or friend contributes enough to advance the enquiry, but not so much as to monopolise it. This is not ignorance. It is not hesitation. It is a deliberate decision to leave room for another mind. In this sense, the unfinished question, as I have already expressed, is closely related to the Third Honesty. The first honesty concerns facts. The second honesty concerns interpretation. The third honesty concerns relationship. It acknowledges that some meanings should not be delivered complete. They should be approached and, perhaps aquired, together.

A reader encounters this experience in good essays. A writer points towards something, makes a connection, suggests a possibility, but stops short of exhausting the subject. The reader supplies the next step. The essay becomes not a container of conclusions but an invitation to participate. The unfinished question therefore has social value. It creates a small space in which thought may become shared rather than transferred. Perhaps this is why it remains difficult for artificial intelligence to reproduce. AI excels at completing patterns. The unfinished question requires a different discipline: knowing how to continue an enquiry without bringing it prematurely to an end.

The point is not to avoid answers. The point is to contribute in a way that preserves the possibility of further contribution. To extend the miment and diversity of inquiry. An unfinished question is not an absence. It is a gift. It is the place where another person may continue or begin.

The idea of the unfinished question resembles several established traditions, yet differs from each of them in a crucial respect. Dewey understood education as inquiry and the reconstruction of experience; Freire saw learning as the co-creation of knowledge through dialogue. Rilke, I think I recall, urged us to “live the questions” rather than rush towards answers.

Yet the unfinished question described here is neither primarily educational, nor political, nor existential. It is relational. The issue is not that the answer is unknown, nor that knowledge must be jointly constructed, nor that one must patiently inhabit uncertainty. Rather, one person intentionally contributes to another's question without completing it. The contribution advances the enquiry while preserving the other's capacity to continue it. In this sense, the unfinished question is not a gap in knowledge but a gesture of intellectual restraint. One does not leave a question open because one cannot close it, but because closing it would diminish another person's participation in its development. Where Dewey emphasises inquiry, Freire dialogue, and Rilke the lived question, the unfinished question concerns something slightly different: the ethics of continuation. It is the art of contributing enough, but not too much.

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There is more... but I have not yet clarified...

What I've been discussing so far, is largely about making room for another person's participation. But my intuition suggests something additional. Perhaps the unfinished question contains a tacit signal: “I know there is more here, but I do not yet know exactly what that more is.” Or, perhaps “This enquiry has not reached its natural boundary.” In other words, the contribution does not merely stop. It points beyond itself. “Suppose it is brackish...” does not simply invite a response. It carries an implicit sense that the field has expanded. More has become visible than can presently be said.

That feels different from Rilke's “living the questions,” which concerns remaining with uncertainty over time. Here the gesture is much smaller and more conversational. It is the moment when one senses that the enquiry has become larger than the current exchange. An essayist often writes this way: not “therefore...” but “and this suggests...” “one wonders whether...” “perhaps the question is not...” The writer does not merely leave a gap. The writer indicates the presence of further territory. You might call it a surplus of meaning or a gesture beyond completion. The most honest contribution is not one that ends where the speaker's knowledge ends. It ends where further participation becomes more valuable than further exposition. I suspect that's what I'm really saying: There is a difference between: “I have nothing more to add.” and “There is more to add.” The unfinished question lives in the second of those.

And perhaps that is why it feels connected to the Third Honesty. The writer is honest not only about what is known, but about the fact that the enquiry now exceeds any single participant. The question has become larger than its current expression. The proper response is not closure but invitation.

One other obaervation. The unanswered question is a lack. The unfinished question is a structure.

Finally, there may be value in mentioning Sigi – he is, of course, *The Ambassador Extraordinary for Unfinished Questions. I think the third story in the chain discloses his appoinment to the post. There are others if you care to scroll through. https://sigi.ie David Marshall Flic en Flac, Mauritius

Dead Sea by The Lumineers is my go to song for sad days.

What is yours?

De data aceasta, totul a început cu un SKU.

Publicat la 4 decembrie 2011

Cu ceva timp în urmă Google a pus la dispoziție o altă „unealtă” online numită Building Maker. Este un software utilizat pentru a crea modele 3D ale clădirilor ce vor fi în final afișate în Google Earth. Există și o versiune offline numită Google SketchUp:

SketchUp is the finest (and most innovative) tool available for anyone designing anything from coffee pots to skyscrapers. — McCall & Associates

Astfel că am fost curios în privința acestui utilitar nou și am început să îl utilizez.

Pentru început am creat câteva modele mai simple, care, spre surprinderea mea, au fost acceptate! Fiind oarecum mulțumit de rezultate, am continuat să îmi îmbunătățesc tehnica.

Până acum am încărcat și mi-au fost acceptate 28 de modele ale unor clădiri din Sapporo, Prefectura Hokkaido, Japonia. Dintre acestea, următoarea clădire cred că este cea mai interesantă:


Acesta este un model încă în „construcție”:


Modelul putea fi vizualizat atunci în 3D sau în Google Earth, prin intermediul Google 3D Warehouse.

Google are niște aplicații minunate, numai că unele dintre ele sunt foarte bine „păstrate” și nu știu de ce…

---

Cincisprezece ani mai târziu

Când am revenit la acest text, primul lucru pe care l-am făcut a fost să caut vechiul link.

Nu mai funcționa.

Google 3D Warehouse, așa cum îl știam atunci, dispăruse, iar SketchUp ajunsese între timp la Trimble. Pentru o vreme am tras concluzia că și modelele mele dispăruseră odată cu el.

Așa că am lăsat textul deoparte. Nu mai avea prea mult sens să-l public în acest nou spațiu.

Se pare că nu era chiar momentul să-l public.

Zilele trecute am căutat prospectul unui medicament și, printre detalii, am dat peste un cod SKU. Mi-am amintit de SketchUp.

De aici lucrurile au luat-o puțin pe cont propriu.

Am ajuns din nou la 3D Warehouse. De data aceasta, cel al SketchUp/Trimble.

M-am autentificat.

Și am găsit My Content.

Acolo erau.

Clădirile din Sapporo.

Nu mai erau doar cele 28 despre care scriam în 2011. În arhiva pe care am regăsit-o acum apar 30 de modele la care am lucrat, inclusiv câteva stații de înaltă tensiune.

Le-am privit una câte una.

Unele au fost descărcate. Unele au fost apreciate. Unele au sute de vizualizări.

Mi-a făcut plăcere să văd asta.

Nu pentru că modelele ar fi cine știe ce realizări tehnice. Privite astăzi, unele dintre ele sunt chiar rudimentare. Fotografii ale unor clădiri, făcute de la joasă altitudine, din avion, transformate în volume tridimensionale cu instrumentele pe care Google ni le punea atunci la dispoziție.

Dar tocmai asta mi se pare interesant.

Google avea imaginile și instrumentele. Noi trebuia doar să fim suficient de curioși ca să le folosim.

O clădire construită astfel nu rămânea doar pe calculatorul celui care o făcuse. Putea ajunge în Google Earth și, împreună cu clădirile construite de alții, făcea ca un oraș văzut de sus să pară puțin mai viu decât o simplă imagine bidimensională.

Am făcut și eu partea mea.

În cazul meu, Sapporo.

Astăzi, privind modelele, îmi amintesc mai puțin despre cum le-am făcut decât despre faptul că am vrut să le fac. La început am încercat câteva clădiri simple. Au fost acceptate. Apoi am vrut să văd dacă pot face una puțin mai bine. Și încă una.

Și încă una.

În 2011 ajunsesem la 28.

Se pare că am continuat.

Unele dintre modelele de atunci au rămas în depozit mai bine de un deceniu. Au rămas acolo chiar și atunci când eu am crezut că nu mai sunt.

Iar acum le-am găsit din nou.

Cu numele meu.

Cu datele lor.

Cu urmele celor care le-au văzut, apreciat sau descărcat.

Nu știu dacă mai au astăzi vreo utilitate.

Dar, pentru moment, nici nu cred că este important.

Important este că nu s-au pierdut.

Doar au stat undeva, așteptând, probabil, ca cineva să-și amintească de ele.

Și, cumva, povestea lor seamănă cu povestea acestui text.

Și el a stat undeva.

Până când, într-o zi, un cod SKU dintr-un prospect de medicament m-a făcut să-mi amintesc de SketchUp.

Restul l-am găsit în depozit.

Hi blog friends!

For your viewing pleasure – a cool picture of a how low can you go cloud in front of the Temecula hills surrounded by a beautifully saturated blue sky. Definitely a sign that fall has arrived here. You wouldn’t know it today though, as the high is hitting 100 degrees! What are some signs that fall has arrived in your neck of the woods? Let me know via comment, message, text or email (link is at the bottom of this post).

By the way, this pic was taken on the way to our loundry room. Paul and I have started referring to our clothes as loundry because we’re always lounging and only go out when an Amazon package arrives or when we have to.

Hope this update finds you well. Due to the sudden onset of some badass menopause related knee tenderness and joint pain, I’ve been spending the better part of the summer sitting at our kitchen table sipping warm cups of coffee with extra milk, napping, watching YouTube videos and TV and reading up on estrogen and what happens to our bodies when it becomes depleted. I’ve also started taking avocado oil capsules and eating canned pumpkin as well. Think I’ll be switching to pumpkin powder instead. I also tried an estrogen patch. Threw it in the garbage an hour after putting it on because it was leaving me feeling awful inside. Went back and forth between bouts of estrogen rage, detachment, loopiness and just general feelings of malaise for 3 days afterwards. So glad for the reprieve my body has been able to give me today.

Those of you who are on the lookout for Halloween coloring pages might appreciate the ones that Cute Snail and I put together. They’re 100% FREE to download, designed for kids and adults of all ages and can be printed at any scale. Links are below.

Cute Snail Sweet And Happy Halloween Wishes Coloring Page

Cute Spider Web Filled With Stars Smiles L-O-V-E Halloween Coloring Page

Cute Purr-fectly Spooky Cat Face Spider Halloween Coloring Page

That’s it! See y’all next time! 👋

❤️ Juliet

Welcome to my Blog Site:

This blog site is about the benefits animal companionship and my journey to my Girl Scout Silver Award.

In May 2025, I became a Guiness Book World Record holder when I acted to raise awareness of the benefits of animal companionship to people by attempting to apply the most animal themed headbands to my classmates in 1 minute. I am so grateful for the support of my school community for their participation!

Did you know that having animals around us can help us live healthier, stronger, more enhanced lives?

The health benefits of animal companionship to humans, according to research:

-Animal companionship is proven to make humans happier. -Pet owners laugh more than non-pet owners. -Pets can increase life satisfaction. -Animals can become a part of the family and stimulate serotonin levels in the brain. -Animal ownership can increase fitness, lower blood pressure and cholesterol, relive stress, and improve mental and heart health. -Animal companionship can help humans suffering from PTSD, depression, and loneliness.

When I was younger, we would incubate and hatch duck eggs from our ducks and raise them into our flock on the farm and pond. These ducklings brought joy into my life and were so fun to take care of! They were also VERY messy, so they required more work than chickens. They require cleanup of their water every day, and it gets so gross that it is unhealthy to share waterers with other birds. But they are really cute and sweet characters. Ducks can be allowed in neighborhoods, but it is wise to check your city and neighborhood’s ordinances first.

Supplies ducks need: Chick waterer:22-42$ Heat lamp:10-12$ chick feeder:3-10$ wood shavings:5-16$ a shelter of some sort (coop, box, etc…):100-600$ water (fake pond, baby pool filled with water etc…):15-600$ Enjoy your ducks!

Ideas for Engaging Your Pets:

-Walking you dog is always a nice way to get your and your pet active outdoors.

-Some dogs love water, some don’t. But they all need to be taken care of and they love the attention.

-Old pets can learn new tricks, so try teaching your pet a new trick for a treat.

-Try out a new toy or go to a pet play place. Pets need friends too!

Hiking with my dogs feels good. I get great exercise, fresh air, and the joy of exploring! My dogs love it and I love watching them love it! It is a great bonding experience and creates wonderful memories.

Goats are loveable too!

Raising a goat herd has taught me a lot about animal social habits and family ties. Goats love their people if they see them often. They need a lot of space to graze, and they can help clear brush from large areas of woods too.

Ways to help animals live better lives: -Preserve the environment, conserve energy, recycle, try not to waste water or other resources. -Post a link to support a local animal charity on your birthday. -Volunteer, foster, adopt, spay and neuter. -Choose products not tested on animals. -Allow some areas of land to stay wild, support land trusts and parks, take time to enjoy wildlife in your area and visit wildlife preserves.

Bee-ing aware of pet environments.

Keeping bees has taught me a lot about the environmental hazards we take for granted. Colony collapse issues are very prevalent in the U.S. We use a lot of pesticides on our yards that can kill bees. Farmers spray them on their fields and bees travel to find nectar from flowering plants to make honey. They need some of that honey to survive on through the winter, but we can have some too!

Organizations to which you can donate locally:

-Local animal shelters and Humane Society. Donate pet food, treats, toys, old pillows, towels, and blankets.

-Volunteer your time to give attention or basic care to the animal shelter dogs and cats.

-Tigers for Tomorrow. Become a member and donate to organizations that rescue wildlife like this one: https//www.tigersfortomorrow.org

Being an eggcellent friend!

Raising a flock of chickens is rewarding! They not only provide fresh eggs, but they also love to eat leftover fruit and vegetable scraps. We have loned our fertilized eggs and incubator to my science teachers to hatch eggs in class to help teach lots of kids about cells and the embryonic stages of life.

References: Gmeiner, M.W., Gschwandtner, A. (2025). The Value of Pets: The Quantifiable Impact of Pets on Life Satisfaction. Social Indicators Research. From: https://doi.org/10.1007/s11205-025-03574-1

Valeri, R.M (2006). Tails of Laughter: A Pilot Study Examining the Relationship Between Companion Animal Guardianship and Laughter. Society & Animals, 14(3), 275-293.

Weiss, C. (2021). Mayo Clinic Q & A: How Owning Pets Can Lead to a Healthier Lifestyle. From: Https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org

Next Wednesday I will be taking a night bus to Frankfurt, Germany to attend Cauldron, “an OSR Euro Con.” This year the con will run four days, with packed schedule: old-school games, Chainmail competition, AD&D tournament, you name it.

I will be running four OD&D games using little brown books only:

• Thursday Block II Halls of Viridian Mist: You fell down the pit trap. Now you are rolling in a pile of refuse while green mist is making you gag. Will you get out alive? Or will you feed what lurks beyond the haze?
• Friday Block I Abattoir of The Impotent Idolater: The Golden Eagle has gone missing. Gore-ladden trail leads to the cave deep in the woods. Tales of monstrous abominations run amok. Will you be the ones rescuing this holy regalia from the den of evil?
• Saturday Night Block Conquering the Barbarian Altanis: Do you dare leave your mark in the Barbarian Altanis? Will you feed the insatiable hunger of antediluvian ruins? Session 197 of our ongoing campaign.
• Sunday Block I The Darkness Beneath Megadungeon: Can you survive the Warrens of the Troglodytes?

Below are my thoughts and reflections on preparing for the con. They build on my previous preparations.

Selecting adventures to run

Since I knew this would be an incredibly busy year for me, I planned in advance. Three of four sessions would use adventures, while the campaign session would be emergent. Last one, technically, demands a lot of preparation, but all of it is done in weekly increments so it spreads out.

I authored two out of three adventure I will run, so that minimised the time investment as well. First, Halls of Viridian Mist, is a Jaquays tribute dungeon. It features many twists, turns, secrets behind secrets, factions, and more. I ran this twice, and it was a howling success both times. Players will be pressured to think and act quickly, for viridian mist is ever hungry.

Abattoir of The Impotent Idolater is based on an adventure site from our very own campaign. It left such a mark on the players they deemed it worthy of Wilderlands Hall of Fame and commissioned legendary Stephen Poag to illustrate The Abomination which gave them nightmares. Players will have to be both careful and daring, or else risk suffering horrible fates.

My good friend Mitch Hyde encouraged me over the years to write it down. I finally did, and it will be published in the con exclusive zine Beneath the Black Pyramid. Andrew Walter did an absolutely amazing illustration for it, capturing the vile atmosphere down to a v.

Warrens of the Troglodytes is one of the levels of the legendary, community-driven Darkness Beneath Megadungeon. If you think Tucker's Kobolds were bad, wait until you experience the Attronarch's Trogs. Hero level characters, first level dungeon, maximum level threat. Also, the chief editor of Fight On! zine will be at the con as well, available to answer questions about the megadungeon.

Last year Conquering the Barbarian Altanis session attracted 17 players, and lasted well into the night, going for some six hours or so. It was both the largest and longest game of the con, albeit unplanned. Everything that happened then impact the campaign world, leaving a lasting mark. This year will be no different. The session is open to anyone willing to endure the savagery of the Barbarian Altanis. Expedition plan will be decided on the spot, by the players who attend. Several of our regular players will be there, but everyone gets a vote. Players can expect total freedom and opportunity to leave a lasting impression on an ongoing campaign.

Preparing supporting material

Due to how I run the game, I just need a battle-mat, markers, wiping cloth, and dice. Players bring their own dice. As I wrote before, I find OD&D just perfect for con games:

One of the reasons I prefer running OD&D at cons is because of how lean and fast it is. It is mostly rolling d6s and d20s, options and spells are limited (just compare Cleric spell lists in Men & Magic to the one in Greyhawk), there are only three classes, and contains only the most essential procedures for running underworld and wilderness adventures. Perfect!

Since reference materials are re-usable, I simply printed what I had prepared last year:

• Judge reference sheets
• Cleric and Magic-User spell references
• character overview
• 80 character sheets

An attentive, eagle-eyed reader might notice that characters have suspiciously similar attribute scores to those from the last year. Indeed, I just changed the names and few optical elements. Creating new characters is the most time consuming activity, so I re-purposed as much of the work that I could. Also, I wonder how many will make it to the end of the con this year...

Choosing games to join

When I learned the con would be four days I rejoiced, because I thought it'd be easier to join all the games I wanted to partake in. Oh, how wrong I was. The agenda is absolutely packed with great sessions. Games offered span OD&D, AD&D, retroclones, Chainmail, and naval battles.

On Thursday I plan to join EOTB's Convention Dungeon's; after that I will run Halls of Viridian Mist until everyone dies or escapes. On Friday morning, after a hearty breakfast, I will run Abattoir of The Impotent Idolater, and then spend rest of the day playing. I am eyeing Palace of the Eternal Autocrat with Gabor Lux, THALANÛR: Against the Pale Citadel with Dreadlord, Sunken Redoubt of the Serpentine Lich with Ignatius Umlaut, and Army of Madness with Settembrini.

Next day I plan to join Temple of the Gnoll God with Keith Sloan, and Return to the Storm Giant's Castle with Ignatius Umlaut. The latter will surely be a blast, for it is an unofficial sequel to one of the worst Judges Guild adventures. I will finish Saturday by running the Conquering the Barbarian Altanis night session. I am curious to see where the players take it! There is only one slot on Sunday, and as usual, I will run a Darkness Beneath Megadungeon level.

Looking forward to next week. Let me know if you are attending, and come say hi even if we don't play together.

#Convention #Cauldron #OSR #FightOn