Fine, ill admit it. i never really cared about humans. i only cared and care for an angel and the unfortunate man sharing my living arrangements. and i know thats not new or shocking to hear from me. but sometimes i really forget it. i never cared for the people who spend their hours with me, i just pretending to care. and im good at that. im good at pretending, im good at making people believe that ive actually care. i never, and i barely remember whoever i pretending to care for, to be honest. i never really cared to even think about it, to even think about who was i caring for, because it never was true. i just enjoy seeing the way they react when they realise the truth. its fun, i enjoy it, you can call me a sadist with an obsession. never would care about whatever you would claim that to be. something about me and enjoying ruining peoples lives will always be a part of me. i never make mistakes. i do it on purpose. i leave people on purpose. i tend to. well, make them believe everything. make them feel so safe and think that whatever comes from me is purely from my heart. spoiler: it never was. i just enjoy seeing people shed their sad sad sad poor tears into my pretty lies. and i dont feel bad about that. thats not why im here. i just sometimes laugh at it. laugh at the way i used to be. the way i enjoyed all that. now, i dont know. i dont think i feel the way i used to. i still enjoy running peoples lives of course. ending them, too. i just dont seem to bee, capable? able? whatever. its not because i feel bad for humans. that would be worse than comparing a sewer to a perfume shop. i just dont know what changed me. when i met this pearly angel. everything that felt easy to do, went absolutely hard to fathom. i dont hate it. i just cant believe that ive left all that, that ive changed like this. for someone. well, shes not someone. shes an angel and i know im sure angels wouldnt accept such things. but shes my angel. oh, god. look at that, just look at that. ahmed being allll romantic. very romantic. well, now that i ruined whatever i wanted to say. ill just leave it like that.

I still have difficulty sleeping. Maybe thats why i keep embarrassing myself.

Sincerely, insomniac.

In Summary: * Listening to WTMJ, radio home of the Brewers, ahead of tonight's baseball game. GO BREWERS!

Also, this has been a good day for doing things with the wife: the brunch at Lin's; a major project here at home in the morning; exploring, driving to a new Clinic where I have an appointment in a few days; talking through different issues in the afternoon, etc.

And the adventure continues.

Prayers, etc.: * I have a daily prayer regimen I try to follow throughout the day from early morning, as soon as I roll out of bed, until head hits pillow at night.

Health Metrics: * bw= 211.20 lbs. * bp= 128/76 (75)

Exercise: * morning stretches, balance exercises, kegel pelvic floor exercises, half squats, calf raises, toe raises, wall push-ups, BP breathing exercises, pilates

Diet: * 07:40 – 1 banana, 1 sausage burrito * 12:30 – big 4-plate buffet brunch * 15:00 – Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich

Activities, Chores, etc.: * 06:10 – wake * 06:50 – bank accounts activity monitored * 07:00 -read, write, pray, follow news reports from various sources, surf the socials, take daily meds, unpack, organize * 10:30 – exploring, find location of new doctor's office ahead of next week's appointment * 12:30 – big buffet brunch with Sylvia * 13:40 – back home in time to catch the 4th Quarter of the IU / Michigan game

Chess: * 17:30 – moved in all pending CC games; losing 2, and winning 1.

Love is action.

Genius is masterpiece.

2026 World Series Game 2

The Milwaukee Brewers and Tampa Bay Rays meet again tonight in the second game of this year's MLB World Series, and this will be my Saturday's game of choice. The game is scheduled to start at 7:00 PM CDT. As I usually do during the regular season, I'll be following the game's scores and stats in real time via MLB's Gameday Service, and I'll listen to the radio pregame show and the call of the game provided by announcers of WTMJ 620, Wisconsin.

I tried following Game 1 last night over the MLB Netework, and over FOX, but quickly found myself put off by the presentations of both networks. I am clearly NOT a member of their target demographic. Constant references to betting odds, and ads for different betting companies, constant adds for beer, wine and spirits (on MLB Network, especially) disgusted me. I don't gamble and I don't drink alcohol. So I went to my old favorite, MLB's Gameday Service, and the excellent announcers of WTMJ. And I enjoyed the baseball game. And I'm planning to do that again tonight.

And the adventure continues.

Quick and easy preparation, and pretty good taste for the effort

Ingredients

• ½ ring smoked sausage
• 1 – 15 oz can sweet potatoes in syrup
• 1 large apple, cut into ¾” chunks
• 1 Tbsp flour

Directions

• Slice sausage into ¼ inch coins
• Put sausage in skillet and begin heating over medium heat
• When sausage begins to brown, flip sausage coins and add apple
• When both sides of the sausage are browned, add sweet potatoes and the syrup they're canned in
• Once the liquid begins to boil, add flour and stir in
• Continue heating until liquid has thickened to a gravy, then remove from heat and serve.

#recipe #main #skillet

Shall we have a laugh and raise a toast as blood for whine betrays its host?

When talk churns cheap and morals fray how easy truths careen and sway.

Prey knot the wiles of antinomian fume. Instead sweep doubts with unfurled broom.

Aghast, each scripture baits to jar when sheep are led to maim and scar.

© 2026 AnOublietteofThought. All rights reserved.

Steeds meer mensen overlijden door Plasticide.

In Smægmå komen meer en meer mensen in de problemen door een scala aan problemen veroorzaakt door algemene aanschaf overdaad. Bij een onderzoek uitgevoerd door onderzoeksbureau Aangelijnde Nationale Welzijns Bank {ANWB} bleek dat het aantal sterfgevallen door Plasticide de afgelopen vijf jaar flink is toegenomen. Plasticide is doodsoorzaak nummer één bij net gescheiden alleenstaande papegaaien en aquarium bezitters met een stemmingsstoornis tussen de 30 en 35 jaar, vijf jaar geleden overleed nog niemand uit die categorie aan deze kwaal, niet alleen omdat deze toen nog niet officieel was benoemd door doktoren met een passie voor ontdekken van kwalen en deze dan officieel labelen als zijnde een ziekte maar ook omdat deze categorie nog niet officieel was opgenomen als categorie bij het centraal bureau bevolking statistiek.

Gelukkig zijn ze daar tot diepere inzichten gekomen waardoor we nu iedere dag meer komen te weten over iedere groep die het bureau officieel heeft onderscheiden van de andere grotere groep normale gezonde mensen. Deze groep is zelfs inmiddels ook een steeds beperktere groep. Op dit moment is nog maar twee procent van heel Smægmå normaal gezond, dit aangezien onze veel wetende over alles in en om ons doktoren steeds meer afwijkingen weten te vinden. Inmiddels zijn het vooral artsen die als enigsten nog binnen de afgetekende welzijn lijntjes passen. Waarschijnlijk ook omdat zij degenen zijn die het ongezond zijn het meeste vrezen want dan zullen ze onder behandeling komen van hun vrienden, collega's en dat willen ze liever niet aangezien zij net wat meer weten over de ware aard van het trek en duw gezondheidswerk.

Plasticide is het ineens overlijden door een overdosis aan bestelde en ontvangen pakketjes in zeer korte tijd. Het zoeken, uitpakken, als ook wachten op de cadeaus, de hele, lange dagen tracken en tracen, zorgt voor zoveel mentale en fysieke spanningen dat de veroorzaker daarvan, de koper, pardoes om het leven komt. Meestal bij het uitpakken van een geschenk maar soms ook net ervoor bij het openen van de deur voor de bezorger of tijdens het bestel proces, maar liefst 5 procent van de Plasticide slachtoffers overlijdt tijden de Weerozeero betaling. De Weerozeero groep wil trouwens niet reageren op vragen gesteld door het artsen collectief. Deze betichten de groep van het opzettelijk veroorzaken van enorm betaalgemak waardoor deze toch al uitzonderlijk kwetsbare groep der groot pakketjes bestellers geneigd is tot een overdaad. Aldus de artsen, geneeskrachtige managers, is er een memo in omloop waarin staat dat de bende achter Weerozeero mensen met opzet zo ver wil krijgen dat ze een ongezonde dosis cadeaus en dergelijke boodschappen bestellen, liefst overal en nergens, op elk tijdstip van de dag. Dit vooral omdat zij heel veel meer baat hebben bij een overspannen economische toestand in het hele land dan de mensen thuis, die waarschijnlijk liever niks of bijna niks willen willen maar juist die kalme toestand niet meer kunnen bereiken door de aanwezigheid van driftig handelende, adverterende, mailende, flyerende, reclame filmpjes producerende, advertentie plaatsende en andere vormen van duiden op 1001 zeldzame beste koopkansjes, de eeuwig alles roepende winkeliers en hun bijbehorende ketens. Deze memo bestaat volgens de Weerozeero groep niet, maar is enkel een gerucht aangemaakt door ernstig geradicaliseerde uiterst linkse groepen anti-kapitalisten.

Ondanks deze doldwaze ritjes in de grote geruchten malle molen blijft het feit staan dat er alleen dit jaar al vijftig mensen zijn omgekomen door een overdosis aan pakketjes in korte tijd. Het aantal [zelf] geschenken dat gevaar op levert voor de volksgezondheid is om en nabij de 50 per week, zeker drie weken lang, mensen lopen dan een veel groter risico op hard falen en missie lukken van de bloedsomloop, tevens zorgt het voor ernstige psychische klachten zoals derepressie en afhankelijkheid van postbezorger problematiek, natuurlijk is er ook grote kans op zware schulden last overal en nergens. Eenmaal over de normale kooplijn van ongeveer 2 á 3 pakketjes per week naar vijftig is er al vaak grote schade op het koop immuun systeem bij dergelijke labiele mensen.

Artsen willen aan de hand van het rapport en de daaropvolgende Plasticide campagne overheden en mensen wijzen op het grote gevaar van dergelijk gedrag. Weliswaar vinden zij dat het toch vooral de verantwoording is voor de koper zelf om zijn aangelijnde bestel gedrag te normaliseren om problemen zoals Plasticide maar ook Karton deficiëntie en Bubbelplastic contaminatie te voorkomen. Maar het is dan natuurlijk wel noodzakelijk dat mensen zich bewust worden van de risico's die zij lopen als ze inloggen op hun persoonlijke winkel account en meer en meer willen willen zoals winkels en hun ketens graag willen dat zij veel willen omdat dit zo goed is voor de economie van voornamelijk Åzcyå, de inkopers eruit, luchtvaart- en transportmaatschappijen, brandstof voor die voertuigen leveranciers, miljoenen marketeers en daarnaast van computer e.d. Apparaten verkopers en daaraan verbonden grote nog meer energie slurpende data centrales, zij die de schijven leveren en draaiende houden waarop al die artikel plaatjes en lovende teksten staan met hun bijpassende kunstmatig super pientere schommelende (maar niet teveel) prijskaartjes, want kunstmatig pienter heeft zo zijn vooraf ingestelde grenzen waar binnen een prijs mag schommelen, ook kunstmatige intelligentie moet hier en daar worden ingeperkt.

Vandaar dus dat wij op dit kwaliteitsblog graag onze overdaad aan zeer zinvolle preek ruimte verkopen aan dit driftig bezige veel geld dienende parate staat gezondheidscollectief. Wij willen natuurlijk ook niets liever dan gezonde mensen zo goed als mogelijk elke dag overleven in een heerlijke koop, inkoop, doorverkoop omgeving net als hier en nu in ons geweldig bijzon welvarende Smægmå.

Dit artikel werd mogelijk gemaakt door welzijnswinkel eropenover.com en geenverweerstandje bv. Het zou het kunstlicht ook niet gezien hebben zonder een flinke bak aan subsidie gelden afkomstig van het ministerie van handelsbelangen.

“MY FATHER ADRESSES ME ON THE FACTS OF OLD AGE” (2002)

Kitaptan beşinci seçimim, Grace Paley’den. Bir baba, bir masa ve evlat. Yaş alma dersleri konuşulacaktır. Hikâye şu sözlerle açılır: “My father had decided to teach me how to grow old. I said O.K.”

O masaya çoğumuz oturmuştur, çoğu zaman dayanamayıp kalkmışızdır. Dersler aralıklı olarak farklı mekânlarda hep tekrarlanır. Alamadığımız derslerin sayısı, alabildiklerimizden katça fazladır.

Oğuz Atay’ın Korkuyu Beklerken kitabında “Babama Mektup” bölümünde söylediği gibi “bütün dünyanın suratına çarpıp durmadan kapıları” (1) bir soluk alıp kulak vermek gerekebilir. Ve yaş almanın bir tarafı kesinkes melankoliktir.

Çok sevdiğim Harun Kolçak, o güzel şarkısında “Yıllar, yıllar, niye batıyor günler, hani nerede dünler, ya siz nerede bittiniz?” demektedir. Yıllar geçerken, karşımızda bir hikâye durmaktadır. İlk kroşe gelir, sağdan mı soldan mı bilinmez ama bence tam ortadandır, baba der ki:

· Dikkatin fazlasıyla dağınık,

· Değiş der, giyim-kuşam ve bakım tavsiyeleri verir,

· İnsanların gözlerinin “ta” içine bak demek ister, “Don’t squint”den bunu anlar okuyan kişi. Gözlerinin ‘ta’ içine bakmak gerçekten çok zordur, rahatsız ettiğimizi düşünürüz. Ve o gözden payımıza düşenler bizi korkutur. Baba bilir, ama bilmezlikten gelir. Derinlerde kendisinin sebep olduğu bir neden vardır ancak şöyle denir: Artık top sende, kroşe gelmiştir bir kere; hadi bakalım, topu şimdi nereye atacaksın?

****

“TAKE YOUR HEART IN YOUR TWO HANDS”

· Sabırlı ol ve her sabah kalktığında, “kalbini” iki elinin avuçlarına al der,

“When you get up in the morning you must take your heart in your two hands. You must do this every morning.” (572)

· Sakince ve yumuşak konuş, bağırma, her şeyi söyleyebilirsin ama ‘saygılı’ ol der:

“Heart, little heart, beat softly but never forget your job, the blood. You can also whisper also, Remember, Remember.” (…)

“O little heart, you worked like a bastard, like a dog, like a crazy slave, bang, bang, bang that day, remember?” (572)

· Çocuklar der, milyon yıl geçse seni unutmazlar— nasıl hissettirdiğini,

· Kendi inanç sistemi içinde din hakkında bir şeyler söylemeye çalışır, bu konuda konuşmak hep zordur. Yalnızca şunu söylemekle yetinir: Neyi yaptığın, yapmadığın, nelerden vazgeçtiğin, kime hakaret ettiğin, rencide ettiğin, ihanet ettiğin, bunlar bilinir.

· Zor zamanda, birinin yanında olmak çok önemlidir der. Özellikle sevdiklerinin. “Bir taş gibi” o insanın aklında kalır:

“Do you remember, you didn’t go see your aunt, she was dying? That will be on your mind like a stone.” (573)

· Tutuklanma hikâyesini anlatır ve annesinin gözlerine baktıktan sonraki kararında; hiçbir şeyin çok fazlası iyi değil der: Bu bir ideoloji, bu bir yemek de olabilir, yeşillik bile olsa.

“HA HA HA, TOMORROW WILL COME”

· Yatırım işlerinden der, evlat! Uzak dur. Evlat sorar, herkes milyoner oluyor, çok çok paralar kazanıyor, baba sorar:

“But what of tomorrow?” he asked.

“Tomorrow, I said, they’ll make another million.”

“No, no, no, I mean TOMORROW. I was there when TOMORROW came in 1929. So, I say to them and their millions, HA HA HA, TOMORROW will come. Go home now, I have a great deal more to tell you. Somehow, I’m always tired.” (574)

Babanın Büyük Buhran’a referans verdiği anlaşılır, (yani bu yazıyı yazan kişi) öyle anlamıştır.

****

Kızı, eşiyle boşanma sürecinde olduğunu söyler babasına. Evleri ayırma ya da tamamen boşanma seçenekler arasındadır. Geleneksellik her yerde vardır, baba gidebildiği yere kadar sürdür, artık olmuyorsa ondan sonra bağları kopart der: En sonunda ikiniz de ayrı huzurevine çıkarsınız der, e tabii şaka yapmaktadır. Mizah hep vardır, tam da böyle zamanlarda.

“You’ll see, in thirty years from now, you’ll get tired often. It doesn’t mean you’re sick. This is something important that I’m telling you. Listen. To live a long time, long years, you’ve got to sleep a certain extra percentage away. It’s a shame. (575)

****

Bugünlük ders bitmiştir ancak bir dersten öbür derse geçilir. Bu sefer işin içinde siyasi konular vardır: Baba siyaseti ve bir mutfak. Kızının göz ucuyla gördüğü, Turgenyev’in Babalar ve Oğullar kitabı. Rusya düşünülmekte ancak Rusya’nın bundan hiçbir haberi olmamaktadır. Bir babayla kavga etmeden “siyaset” konuşmak; yeteneğin ötesinde bir beceridir, baba bir anda şöyle der:

“I don’t believe he was an anti-Semite. Of course, most of them were, even if they had brains. I don’t think Gorky was, Gogol probably. Tolstoy, no, Tolstoy had an opinion about the Mexican American War. Did you know? Of course, most were anti-Semites. Dostoyevsky. It was natural, it seems. (576)

· Ne olursa olsun oku der; bunun pişmanlığı hem anne hem baba da vardır. Kendilerini siyasi meselelere kaptırmışlar ve bu şekilde daha değerli birisi olacaklarını düşünmüşlerdir.

· Sonlara doğru konu, aşka ve cinselliğe gelir. Bunların konuşulması hep zordur kapalı kapılar ardına itilir ama söylediklerinin sonunda, bir şeylerin hep bittiğini ima eder ve şu cümle dökülür:

“Then one day in the morning she comes to me, my wife. She shows me a spot over her left breast. I know right away. I don’t touch it. I see it. In my mind I turn it this way and that. But I know in that minute, in one minute, everything is finished, finished happiness, pleasure, finished, finished, years ahead black. (578)

· Bu nedenle der, kendine iyi bakmalısın, bir de muz: her gün bir tane, yenmeli, potasyum,

****

En son konu kardeşine gelir, Grisha’ya. Yıl 1922’yi gösterir, öncesinde Palmer Baskınları bahsi geçer. Ardından Russian Artist Club (Rusya Sanatçılar Kulübü) ve Bakunin, Emma Goldman, Berkman ve Lenin isimlerini duyarız. O dönemde, Rusya’da Yahudi toplumunun uğradığı kitlesel zulümler ve baskılardan (pogrom) bahsedilir. Kardeşinin bir sanatçı olduğunu anlarız, başına bir şeyler gelmiştir.

****

Ve babanın ağzından şu sözler dökülür:

“Don’t leave me here, take me home to die, And I didn’t. And her face looked at me that day and many, many mornings look at me still.” (579)

Bu bir (baba-oğul) hikâyesi değildir aksine ters köşedir ve siyasi bir alt metin vardır. Az da olsa daha belirgin bir şekilde bize görünür. Sonlara yaklaşılmaktadır ve baba şöyle kapatır:

“Enough, already, he said. I had the job to tell you how to take care of yourself, what to expect. About the heart- you know it was not a metaphor. But in the end a great thing, a really interesting thing, would be to find out what happened to our Grisha. You’re smart. You can do it. Also, you’ll see, you’ll be lucky in this life to have something you must do to take your mind of all the things you didn’t do. Then he said. I suppose that is something like a joke. But, my dear girl, very serious.” (579)

“Her gün kalbini, iki elinin arasına alma” düşüncesi ilham vericidir, unuttuğumuz çok olur. Bahsi geçen hikâyedeki “yaş alma derslerine” katılmadığınız yerler de mutlaka vardır. Biliriz ki dersler hiç bitmez, öğrenme hep devam eder ve yaşantı bir adım önde gider: O sesi yabana atmamak gerekebilir.

Bahsi geçen eserler:

Dipnot 1: Oğuz Atay, Korkuyu Beklerken (İstanbul: İletişim Yayınları, 2016), 180.

A CENTURY OF FICTION IN THE NEW YORKER 1925-2025 EDITED BY DEBORAH TREISMAN. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2025.

Lois Shelton’ın çektiği Grace Paley fotoğrafı, Arizona Üniversitesi, Poetry Center (VOCA) arşivinden alınmıştır.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to update my VPS. Usually, I do this once a week, sometimes more frequently depending on any security news I see. I should probably have the AI agents I use do this, but I do it myself for now. I find infrastructure interesting and “boring” in a good way most of the time.

While updating one of my VPSes, I got a message saying I needed to pay for access to Caddy because the repository had reached its bandwidth limit. This was from a company called Cloudsmith. I wasn't the only one getting this message, either. There was already a large discussion going on over at Caddy's GitHub.

This led me down a big rabbit hole that lasted quite a few hours, and I'm still thinking about it. My first thought wasn't about the bandwidth limit itself, but whether this could be a new type of attack. Caddy is open source and free, and it's used by a lot of people, organizations, and companies. We've seen several different supply chain attacks over the years. But what if someone deliberately flooded the repositories of open-source projects and used up their free bandwidth allowances? People wouldn't be able to download security updates, leaving older, bug-ridden versions of the software running and potentially vulnerable to exploitation.

Before anyone says not to give people ideas, I'm sure someone has already thought of this. It's kind of a modern-day denial-of-service attack, just from a different angle.

As it turned out, Caddy's repository had exhausted its 4.9 TB monthly bandwidth allowance. Apparently, much of the traffic came from automated systems repeatedly downloading packages. Some IP addresses had reportedly made hundreds of thousands of requests. That's a lot of bandwidth for a free open-source project to deal with.

Luckily, there was no indication this was a deliberate attack, so my aluminum foil hat could come off. By the end of the weekend, someone at Cloudsmith had fixed the bandwidth limit problem, and everyone could update again.

What I found encouraging was that several other providers contacted the maintainer and offered to help. I'm not sure if any of those offers were accepted, but it was good to see people stepping up to help keep a free project running.

And that's something I appreciate about open source. Projects like Caddy and Traefik are useful to a lot of people, including me, and much of the work behind them is done by people who aren't getting rich from it. Meanwhile, we have hardware manufacturers shifting supply toward their most profitable customers while the rest of us deal with higher prices and fewer choices.

It's quite a contrast. On one side, companies making hardware harder and more expensive for ordinary people to get. On the other, people putting their time and effort into making software that anyone can use, often for little or no rewards and riches.

I'm glad there are still people willing to do that for the greater good of the internet.

#caddy #selfhosting #technology

Let's think about something for one minute.

If James Talarico was the Bible-believing Christian he wants us to think he is, the Left wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole, let alone fawn over him and pour millions of dollars into getting him elected.

Seriously. They think you're stupid. Resist.

#politics

This October has been an expensive one. First, our hot water heater went out. It was probably about 10 years old. Then, two days after our water heater went out, the refrigerator went out, and it was also about 10 years old. Fixing it would cost more than buying a new one. So off to Home Depot we went, and $1,900 later, we had a nice new refrigerator with a five-year warranty. It's bigger than the old one but more energy-efficient, and it has LED lighting, which is very bright.

Ten years for both appliances. That seems to be the norm now, though I would like to go back to the days when appliances lasted 20–30 years or more.

Speaking of appliances and household gadgets, can we get just a plain-Jane dumb TV? Nothing smart, just a TV where we can plug in a stick or a small box like an Apple TV, Fire TV, or Google TV. The dumb TV just needs a nice picture, good sound, and a digital tuner. I don't need smarts built into the TV. I would rather have those features separate so they're easier to upgrade and maintain, and cheaper in the long run.

This has been quite a year for major hardware purchases, both for computers and home appliances. Hopefully, that's it. One thing I don't want right now is any more hard drive or RAM problems, as computer hardware is almost as expensive as kitchen appliances.

There have been enough unexpected expenses this year, including a dead hard drive that, ironically, was over 10 years old. So this year, all the 10s died.

Praying that's it for the next few years when it comes to expensive household appliances or much-needed computer equipment.

#hardware #personal #technology

So many dreams, all day long. I slept all day long. My old friend, Julius was in one of them. Him and a guy that I’ve met in real life but… was not Boyfriend, someone familiar. We were all matching somewhat and wearing similar colours. When I pointed it out, one of them mentioned about taking a picture to capture the moment. So I did. Was Garfield somehow involved? There was also a scene with a handful of my batch-mates from high school were about to go to jail. I don’t remember what for, but I was giving them hugs before it morphed into another part of the dream. At some point, I was in a dream where Ethan Klein was hitting on me and trying to make me his side-piece. Ew, I know. I had just been watching a video about the whole ordeal so I think it was fresh in my mind. There was also, as part of a ceremony, where I was helping a kid and his dad unfurl a flag that was tangled. They were going to be walking down towards the stage as part of a parade (I was a close family friend or I think teacher of the child) but the flag kept being tangled up. I told them to walk slower and that we’ll get it. They just need to trust me and wait. We eventually did and all was well.

---

Since my friend L found a printer I’ve been printing out old writings. I moved away from my dependency on LiveJournal, to this site called “Write Together”–does anyone remember that? It encouraged me to write again, and quite verbosely.

In this return to writing, I feel the challenge of finding the thoughts. Focusing and creating a unity. Even though I meditate, the mind, when trying to write feels scattered. It’s definitely gotten better since I limited my YouTube rabbit holes, but it’s a new writing era once again. I want to keep reading and refraining from digital dependency in every moment. Must I bring my phone everywhere? Must I scroll through YouTube before bed? Can’t I pick a book and stick to it? The reason for all my dreams for example, was that I fell asleep with YouTube playing in the background. I think it affected my dreams and consciousness. I’m glad that I remembered it though. That’s a sure sign that I am allowing for my body to feel spaciousness and pause.

#writing #daily #dreams

Don't tell me what someone said. Tell me what their words made you think. Don't list books you've read or classes you've attended. Tell me how they changed you. What did you gather from them? Don't tell me where you've traveled and who you've dealt with. Tell me why. Tell me how. Tell me where you failed and why you think you did.

Tell me something about three people you notice each day on your normal routes. Three people who you only recognize in passing. Tell me about the animals along those paths. Are any pregnant? Do any have young children? Are any wounded? Tell me about the plants. Tell me about the buildings. Tell me about the shifting scents.

I don't want to hear about other persons' thoughts and life experiences as a reference to your own. I want to hear where your path causes your feet to ache. I want to hear what has crawled under your skin and taken up residence. I care not for the superficial mask placed on parade for the world to approve. I care about the guts, the fear, the hopes, and the dreams. I want to know what really makes you tick, and what you're afraid to let tock.

I want to know you — naked, beautiful, grotesque, strong, vulnerable you. Not who your parents attempted to mold you into. Not who society told you that you should be. Not who life demanded you become.

You. Simply, complicated, unobscured you.

Everything else is just window dressing, and I prefer to shop for keeps.

© 2026 AnOublietteofThought. All rights reserved.

Not edited nor proofread.

A president is supposed to leave the country stronger than he found it: more trusted abroad, more secure in its institutions, more confident in itself. After Donald Trump's first term and nearly two years of his second, the record points the other way.

My argument (and it is an argument, not a neutral summary): Across both terms, Donald Trump has done lasting damage to the United States. He has damaged its rule of law, its honesty in public life, its economy and its standing in the world. That damage is not mainly about his policy goals, which reasonable people can debate. It comes from his conduct. Again and again he has treated the law, the truth and public institutions as tools for his own benefit.

Below are ten points that support that argument. I've tried to rely on court records, government data, peer-reviewed research, nonpartisan pollsters and wire services, and to flag where facts are contested or where a figure is a model rather than a count.

1. The first president with a criminal conviction

In May 2024 a Manhattan jury found Trump guilty on all 34 felony counts of falsifying business records to hide a hush-money payment made before the 2016 election. On January 10, 2025, ten days before his second inauguration, Judge Juan Merchan sentenced him to an unconditional discharge: no jail, fine or probation, but the conviction stands.

• He is the first U.S. president to be convicted of a crime.
• Separately, federal juries found him liable for sexually abusing and later defaming writer E. Jean Carroll. Appeals courts upheld the $5 million and $83.3 million verdicts, and the Supreme Court declined to hear the $5 million case in June 2026.
• Nuance: His direct appeal of the criminal conviction is still pending in New York's Appellate Division. In August 2026 a federal judge again refused to move the case to federal court, and that ruling is also on appeal. His petition on the $83.3 million Carroll verdict is pending at the Supreme Court.

Sources: – Reuters: Trump avoids punishment at hush-money sentencing – AP: Trump loses again in bid to erase his hush money conviction (Aug. 2026) – Court filing on the appeal's briefing schedule (June 2026) – Second Circuit opinion affirming the $83.3M Carroll judgment – SCOTUSblog: Supreme Court will not consider $5 million verdict against Trump

2. The 2020 election lie and January 6

Trump lost the 2020 election and refused to accept it. His own government told him the result was sound. On November 12, 2020, federal and state election-security officials, including the leaders of the federal cybersecurity agency CISA, called it “the most secure in American history” and said there was “no evidence that any voting system deleted or lost votes, changed votes, or was in any way compromised.” His own attorney general, William Barr, told the AP that the Justice Department had found no fraud on a scale that could have changed the outcome. Courts rejected more than 60 lawsuits brought by Trump and his allies.

On January 6, 2021, a mob of his supporters stormed the Capitol to stop the electoral count. More than 140 police officers were injured.

• The House impeached him for “incitement of insurrection.” That made him the only president impeached twice; the first impeachment, in December 2019, was over pressure on Ukraine. In the Senate, 57 senators, including seven Republicans, voted to convict. That was short of the 67 needed.
• The House January 6 committee, which included two Republicans, documented in its final report a multi-part effort to overturn the result.
• On his first day back in office, he pardoned about 1,500 January 6 defendants and commuted 14 sentences. NPR reported that more than 400 of them had been charged with or convicted of violent assaults on law enforcement.

Sources: – CISA: Joint statement from election infrastructure officials (Nov. 12, 2020) – AP: Disputing Trump, Barr says no widespread election fraud – Judicature (Duke Law): 2020 Election Litigation: The Courts Held – U.S. Senate roll call vote on the second impeachment article – AP: 7 Republicans vote to convict Trump in impeachment trial – AP: Trump impeached on charges of abuse of power, obstruction (2019) – GovInfo: Final Report of the House January 6th Select Committee – NPR: Trump issues pardons to some 1,500 Jan. 6 rioters

3. A habit of falsehood, including on matters of life and death

The Washington Post's Fact Checker counted 30,573 false or misleading claims by Trump over his first four years. That works out to about 21 a day, and the pace increased each year. Exact tallies depend on method, but the pattern is not in dispute.

• The cost was clearest during COVID-19. On February 7, 2020, he told journalist Bob Woodward, on tape, that the virus was “more deadly than even your strenuous flus.” In public he compared it to the flu and said it would “disappear.” On March 19 he told Woodward: “I wanted to always play it down.”
• When a president can't be trusted on facts, people stop trusting the institutions that report them. That is my judgment, but it follows directly from the record above.

Sources: – Washington Post: Trump's false or misleading claims total 30,573 over 4 years – NPR: Trump tells Woodward he deliberately downplayed coronavirus threat

4. Turning the Justice Department against critics

The Justice Department is supposed to follow evidence, not the president's grudges. In his second term, Trump has openly pushed it to do the opposite.

• On January 27, 2025, the department fired more than a dozen career prosecutors who had worked on special counsel Jack Smith's cases against Trump. The acting attorney general said they could not be trusted to carry out the president's agenda.
• On September 20, 2025, Trump posted a public message to Attorney General Pam Bondi naming former FBI Director James Comey, Sen. Adam Schiff and New York Attorney General Letitia James, and demanded: “JUSTICE MUST BE SERVED, NOW!!!”
• Days later, the U.S. attorney in Eastern Virginia was replaced by Lindsey Halligan, whom a federal judge described as a former White House aide “with no prior prosecutorial experience.” She quickly obtained indictments of Comey and James. In November 2025 a judge found her appointment unlawful and dismissed both indictments. The department has appealed, and the Fourth Circuit heard arguments in September 2026.

Sources: – AP: Justice Department fires employees involved in Trump prosecutions – NBC News: Trump publicly pushes Attorney General Pam Bondi to prosecute his political foes – Court opinion dismissing the Comey indictment (Nov. 24, 2025) – Court opinion dismissing the Letitia James indictment – Reuters: US appeals court to hear DOJ bid to revive cases against Comey, James (Sept. 2026)

5. Testing the limits of the law, and losing in court

Strong presidents push their powers. Trump has repeatedly gone past legal limits, and judges appointed by presidents of both parties have said so.

• Troops in American cities: A federal judge ruled in September 2025 that the use of Guard troops and Marines for law enforcement in Los Angeles violated the Posse Comitatus Act. The administration has appealed. In Portland, a judge Trump himself appointed found he “did not have a lawful basis” to call up the Guard. In December 2025 the Supreme Court refused to let him deploy the Guard in Illinois, saying the government had “failed to identify a source of authority that would allow the military to execute the laws in Illinois.”
• Watchdogs: In early 2025 he fired 17 inspectors general all at once. A federal judge ruled that he broke the Inspector General Act by not giving Congress the required 30 days' notice and reasons. She declined to reinstate them.
• Due process: After the administration mistakenly deported Kilmar Abrego Garcia to El Salvador, the Supreme Court ordered it in April 2025 to “facilitate” his return.

Sources: – Judge Breyer's ruling in Newsom v. Trump (Sept. 2, 2025) – SCOTUSblog: Supreme Court rejects Trump's effort to deploy National Guard in Illinois – Supreme Court order: Trump v. Illinois – Reuters: Judge will not reinstate US government watchdogs despite unlawful firings – Supreme Court order: Noem v. Abrego Garcia

6. Pressure on a free press

Criticizing the press is normal for politicians. Using government power and lawsuits against it is not.

• In February 2017 he called major news outlets “the enemy of the American People.”
• In 2025 the White House barred the Associated Press from some press events because it would not adopt the name “Gulf of America.” A judge sided with the AP, but an appeals court largely paused that ruling while the case continues.
• He sued CBS's parent company over a 60 Minutes edit, and Paramount settled for $16 million. He also filed a $15 billion suit against the New York Times; a judge struck the first version, and Trump refiled it.
• He signed a law cancelling $1.1 billion in funding for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, which then shut down. The agency that runs Voice of America lost about a third of its staff in 2025.

Sources: – AP: Trump calls media 'enemy of the American people' (2017) – D.C. Circuit order in AP v. Budowich (June 2025) – AP: Paramount settles with Trump for $16 million over '60 Minutes' interview – Reuters: Judge throws out Trump's $15 billion lawsuit against New York Times – AP: Corporation for Public Broadcasting dissolves itself – Pew Research Center: Federal workforce shrank 10% (includes agency-level cuts)

7. Gutting foreign aid, and the lives it saved

For decades, American aid was among the most effective and least expensive tools of U.S. influence. In 2025 the administration took most of it apart.

• In March 2025 Secretary of State Marco Rubio said 83% of USAID programs had been cancelled. USAID stopped running foreign aid on July 1, 2025, and its staff fell from about 4,900 to 370 by year's end. Congress then cancelled about $9 billion in approved aid and public-broadcasting money.
• A peer-reviewed study in The Lancet estimated that USAID funding was associated with about 91 million deaths averted from 2001 to 2021. It projected that the cuts could cause more than 14 million additional deaths by 2030, including about 4.5 million children under five. This is a model, not a count. Its uncertainty range is wide, roughly 8.5 to 19.7 million.
• For HIV, a 2026 study in Nature Health found nearly 2 million fewer people receiving direct, site-level PEPFAR support in fiscal 2025 than the year before. Nuance: Counting PEPFAR's indirect “central support,” the net drop was much smaller, about 65,000. The authors caution that they can't yet tell how much reflects lost treatment rather than shifts in reporting.

Sources: – Reuters: Trump administration scraps over 80% of USAID programs, Rubio says – Reuters: As USAID stops foreign aid, Rubio says future US assistance will be limited – AP: Trump signs bill to cancel $9 billion in foreign aid, public broadcasting funding – The Lancet: Evaluating the impact of two decades of USAID interventions (2025) – Nature Health: Shifts in PEPFAR-supported HIV treatment in 26 countries (2026)

8. Hollowing out the federal workforce, with overstated savings

Making government leaner is a fair goal. Doing it by sudden mass cuts, and overstating the savings, is something else.

• The federal civilian workforce shrank by about 238,000 people (10.3%) in 2025. Nearly 350,000 people left, and hiring fell by more than half. The cuts hit younger and newer workers hardest. They also reached nurses, tax examiners, and the contact staff who help the public with benefits.
• The Government Accountability Office reviewed DOGE's public “Wall of Receipts,” which claimed $110 billion in savings. GAO found that “some savings estimates are incorrect or lack supporting evidence.” For 96% of the claimed grant savings, it could not verify the method. In one case, DOGE claimed $1.7 billion for a Pentagon contract that was never cut.

Sources: – Pew Research Center: Federal workforce shrank 10% in Trump's first year back in office – GAO-26-108615: DOGE Wall of Receipts

9. Tariffs, market shocks and bigger deficits

Independent estimates find that American households carry much of the cost of his tariffs.

• His April 2025 “Liberation Day” tariffs set off the largest two-day drop in the S&P 500's history, wiping about $5 trillion off U.S. stocks.
• In February 2026 the Supreme Court ruled 6-3 that the emergency-powers law he used does not authorize tariffs at all. The administration has since rebuilt many of them under other laws.
• As of August 2026, the Yale Budget Lab estimates the average tariff rate at 11%, costing the average household about $1,100 a year.
• The Congressional Budget Office estimates that his 2025 tax-and-spending law will add $3.4 trillion to deficits over ten years. It also estimates the law will leave 10 million more people without health insurance in 2034.

Sources: – Reuters: S&P 500 loses $5 trillion in two days in Trump tariff selloff – Supreme Court opinion: Learning Resources, Inc. v. Trump (Feb. 20, 2026) – Yale Budget Lab: The State of U.S. Tariffs (Aug. 24, 2026) – CBO: Estimated budgetary effects of Public Law 119-21 – Congressional Research Service: Health provisions in P.L. 119-21 (citing CBO coverage estimates)

10. A diminished America, abroad and at home

Reputation is a national asset, and it is being spent.

• Pew surveyed 36 countries in spring 2026. A median of just 23% had confidence in Trump on world affairs, and only 37% viewed the U.S. favorably. In Canada, the share calling the U.S. a reliable partner fell from 83% in 2022 to 35%. Favorable views are at or near record lows in Canada, France, Germany, the U.K. and South Korea, among others.
• The U.S. completed its withdrawal from the World Health Organization in January 2026.
• At home, Gallup found in June 2026 that only 33% of Americans are “extremely proud” to be American, the lowest since it started asking in 2001. Nuance: That decline is long-running and deeply partisan, so it can't be laid entirely at one person's feet. Still, the latest one-year drop, during his second term, ties for the largest in Gallup's 25-year trend.

Sources: – Pew Research Center: Trump gets negative reviews internationally in 2026 – AP: US completes withdrawal from World Health Organization – Gallup: American pride falls to 25-year record low (June 2026)

Summary analysis

Any of these points alone might be debated as bad policy or bad luck. Together they form a pattern, and the evidence for it comes mostly from institutions that have no stake in partisan politics: juries and appeals courts, the GAO and CBO, peer-reviewed journals, Pew and Gallup, and Trump's own election-security officials and attorney general.

Three threads run through the record:

1. Accountability for himself, but not for others. Courts have convicted him, found him civilly liable, and repeatedly ruled his actions unlawful. Meanwhile he has pardoned allies who attacked police and pressed prosecutors to charge his critics.
2. Truth as optional. The 2020 election lie, the downplaying of COVID, and overstated claims like DOGE's savings all make it harder for Americans to agree on basic facts.
3. Costs pushed onto others. Households pay for tariffs, future taxpayers pay for deficits, and some of the world's poorest people are paying in lost aid. Modeled estimates of that toll run into the millions of lives.

Some of these matters are not finished. His conviction and the Comey and James cases are on appeal, the aid estimates are projections, and Trump's supporters dispute the motives behind many of the cases against him. Those caveats are real, and I've noted them throughout.

But my conclusion, as opinion, is this: the weight of the documented evidence shows a presidency that has weakened the rule of law, damaged trust in the truth, cost Americans money and cost the country standing it took generations to build. Repairing that will take longer than causing it did.

#politics #democracy #ruleoflaw #accountability

Weer Zinin Herhalin' ; Poken in Koudvuur

Weken lang kon ik niks bedenken om mezelf net als u verwerkend voortdurend te herhalen maar dan wel net iets anders dan de reeks reeds geserveerde @malen ik zocht voor vlot met stroom ontdooien volop verkrijgbare vers ingevroren inspiratie keek bij alle naamborden van alle geregistreerde gemeenschappen in deze conster natie ik keek bij de miljarden lijken in de kast en tuurde duizenden uren achter al het behang onophoudelijk, onstuitbaar, kranig en zeer gedecideerd alle lege dagen lang ik ga u nu zeggen waar ik de oplossing uiteindelijk vond het lag onder de dikke cont van een verveeld omhangende mastodont ik moet toegeven dat ik op die zoek locatie geen mastodont had verwacht maar toen ik dat schepsel zag wist ik meteen dat mijn inspiratie er onder lag nieuwe versies van oude verhalen houden die mastodonten achter en van die frisse herhalingen maken ze zitzakken want dat materiaal zit zachter ze doen niks liever dan lamlendig omhangen in het onbekende bekende ze suffen, wentelen en kroelen in het door hun gedonder voor eeuwig ombeminde met behulp van een kromme alineaal, een oud verherhaal en een vals lied gezongen in een al eeuwen uitgestorven klank taal komen die dwaze mastodonten uit hun voor omhangen geprefabriceerde holen waar ze de re-creatieve mens melkkoeien voor eeuwig in en nabij hun t_veestallen laten dolen eenmaal in die bewerkelijkheid met hun binnenste buiten en andersom zijn ze wat minder goed gedekt daar heb ik ze onopvallend in hun dikke huid geprikt en daardoor ontstond een inspiratie lek een lekkende mastodont is wel ten dode opgeschreven dat is het enige offer dat ze moeten afgeven om altijd vrijuit het leven overal in re residerend te stelen vandaar dat ze zo spaarzaam buiten die extreem beveiligde contfort zone handelend op traden

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