When I wasn't working from my home office or shoveling snow (we had our biggest snow storm of the season today – it's been a mild, dry winter and the snow was desperately needed) I was trying to think about the importance and solemnity of the day and reflect on Jesus Christ more than usual.

I fasted in the Catholic tradition, limiting my self to one meal and two small snacks, also abstaining from meat.

I have The Catholic Study Bible app on my phone and I read the daily mass readings there along with a video message and readings for Lent.

I've been praying a lot these days, but one thing I haven't done – which I plan to do before going to sleep – is offering a prayer to God with my intentions for Lent.

I thought about going to Mass today at 5pm but I chickened out. I came up with every excuse not to go: the roads were unsafe due to the snow storm, I hadn't told my wife I wanted to go, I have never been to my local parish and I felt apprehensive about going alone, I don't even know what to do at Mass on Ash Wednesday, etc.

I know I need to visit my local parish, though. Go to Mass and become acquainted with the people and ministries there. I feel inexplicably drawn theologically and intellectually to Catholicism but I need to learn more about the spiritual practices and community.

I did manage to stick to my plan and avoid Twitch and non-religious/faith-promoting/uplifting video entertainments. I don't think I mentioned in yesterday's post that I also wanted to reduce my consumption of news. I don't want to be completely out of the loop, but I also don't want to check the news multiple times throughout the day, as I am certain it has a negative impact on my mental health. I managed to stick to that part of the plan today, too.

For some entertainment I started reading Patrick Stewart's memoir “Make It So” and am finding it fascinating. I grew up watching “Star Trek: The Next Generation” and have always admired Stewart as an actor. He has had a full and interesting life and certainly there are lessons to be learned from his story.

I listened to a couple podcast episodes. One podcast I recently subscribed to is called “The God Minute” which shares daily Catholic devotionals. Today's episode invited us to take some time in our daily prayers during Lent to mention one thing we are grateful for (recognizing the blessings in our life) and one thing we are sorry for (recognizing where we have fallen short and can do better). I'm going to try that.

#100DaysToOffload (No. 131) #faith #Lent #Christianity

I observed Lent for the first time last year. I am not Catholic, but it was an overwhelmingly positive experience for me and I have been looking forward to doing it again this year.

I'm writing this on Tuesday evening. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and I wanted to create a written plan for Lent so that I can refer back to it.

As I did last year, I am choosing again to give up the following for Lent:

• Twitch – both as a streamer and viewer
• All other non-religious or non-faith-promoting “video entertainments” including:
  • video games
  • movies
  • TV
  • YouTube

I have already deleted most of my mainstream social media accounts like Facebook and Instagram. But I do currently check out Mastodon and Reddit regularly. For Lent I will be ignoring Reddit. Mastodon will be the only social media I use.

I do plan to continue to watch video content that is religious, uplifting, or inspirational in some way, but I also plan to do more of the following activities aside from that:

• Reading
• Writing
• Listening to faith-based and religious podcasts
• Spending time with family
• Going to the temple
• Exercising
• Thinking
• Praying

This Lenten season is also coinciding with a time in my life when I am in the midst of what could be called a “faith crisis.” For the first time in my life I have allowed myself to seriously ask myself about my LDS faith: “what if it isn't true? And if not, then what?” Since September of 2025 I have been studying a lot about Catholicism and also about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from both church-approved and external sources. I have learned some things about the LDS church and its history that I am having a hard time reconciling with what I have been taught as a member of the church. Things aren't lining up right now.

I have always been interested in learning about other faiths. I have a great interest in the Amish, for example. But I have been drawn to learn more about and seriously consider Catholicism primarily because of the good examples of Roman Catholic relatives who have never pushed anything on me, but have quietly and consistently tried to live their faith the best they know how. The more I have learned about Catholicism, the stronger that pull has become.

It's a complicated situation that I hope to clarify in coming posts, but right now I feel like I'm torn between two worlds and it's a very uncomfortable position to be in.

One thing I believe with all my heart is that there is a God, that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the Savior of the World, and that the Holy Spirit testifies of the truth and reality of God. I am trying to remain anchored in this belief as I consider my path forward. I hope and pray Lent will be a time of clarity and illumination.

I have chosen to continue to practice my LDS faith as best I can during this time, honoring the commitments I have made. In fact, I'm currently serving as a counselor in my ward (local congregation) bishopric (like an assistant to a pastor). This has made things really awkward for me, but I have let my Bishop know about my struggles and he has been supportive.

I also want to experience more of the Catholic religious practices and community. I have gone to Mass several times with my relatives, but never alone and never at my local parish. It's pretty intimidating to think about going alone, not knowing anyone there, but I know it's something I need to do to help me figure things out.

So this Lenten season, I will be focusing much of my energies on navigating this “faith crisis” and trying to figure out what God needs me to do. Because that's really what I want – to find the path that God has laid out for me and to have the faith and courage to follow it, regardless of the temporal consequences.

I also plan to keep a daily Lent Journal. It's going to deal not just with religious things, but with many aspects of my life as I reevaluate and reassess where I am temporally, spiritually, etc. in relation to where I feel I need to be.

While there are some things that are too private to blog about and won't be shared, this will still be a deeply personal process. But I feel it's important to document and share what I feel comfortable sharing – I know I'm not the first person to experience a period of serious doubt about their faith tradition and I hope you find it insightful and that it gives you hope in the face of whatever you may be going through, yourself. You are never alone. Remember that.

Okay, Lent. Let's do this.

#100DaysToOffload (No. 130) #faith #Lent #Christianity