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from Weekly Musings

Welcome to this edition of Weekly Musings, where each week I share some thoughts about what's caught my interest in the last seven days.

When I look back at some of what I've written over the years, I'm never embarrassed. That's not to say that I think everything I've written is great, or even pretty good. But I realize that writing isn't just an act of putting words and ideas on a page. It's a matter of growth. It's a matter of improvement.

Now, if I was writing in the same way I did 10 or 20 years ago, then I'd be embarrassed. I'm not the writer I was. I'm not the person I was. I like to think I've gotten better at both.

Sometimes, though, something I've written holds up after the passage of several years. Like this week's musing. I stumbled across it in my archives, and felt the urge to share it with you. I hope you enjoy it.

On Stargazing with the Ancients

Cities hold many secrets. I'm not talking about the dark ones, hidden in basements and cellars and backyards. I mean the little oases and interesting places that even the locals don't always know about.

To be honest, many of the major attractions around the world hold little or no interest for me. But there are a countless experiences even just slightly off the beaten path that are more than worthwhile. They give me more of the flavour of the place. Many of those sights seem ordinary. But you can find something new in the ordinary. The ordinary can be beautiful. It can be interesting.

Back in 2006, I spent the end of June and a good part of July in China. My base was Beijing. I could have explored that city for a year and still not have uncovered everything interesting within its confines. To be honest, I try to avoid most larger attractions. The ones that draw masses of tourists. I don't like crowds at the best of times. A crush of people who aimlessly roam around like cattle doesn't make the situation any better.

Anyway, there's much more to see in most cities than the well-known sights.

One of my wanders through Beijing on a morning in early July brought me to Jianguomen subway station. With my then seven-year-old daughter in tow, I departed the station by Exit A and turned left. For no particular reason, I looked up. There I saw a 500-year-old monument to science, and one of the lesser known but most interesting sights in the city: the ancient observatory. Centuries ago, Chinese astronomers attempted to map and understand the sky from this location using quaintly primitive and yet ingenious instruments.

This was a place far removed from the large, domed observatories and huge telescopes peering into the night that we associate with astronomy. The ancient observatory tells an older and different story.

To get to the observatory from the station, My daughter and I wound our way through a couple of narrow streets typical of that part of the city, then stepped through an old gate. A man in threadbare coveralls popped out of a room on my right. I think he was the caretaker and, from the glance I got into the room, I think he also lived on the site. I handed him 40 renminbi (20 for myself and 20 for my daughter) and then made my way to the main courtyard. which was a handful of steps away.

The main courtyard was an area measuring a couple of hundred square metres. Various large astronomical instruments fashioned out of brass were strategically placed throughout. The instruments were replicas — the originals were moved to the Purple Mountain area of Nanjing during the Sino-Japanese war. Even though instruments were replicas, they were solid and the detailing was beautiful.

I was particularly fascinated by the ornate celestial globe which sat in the centre of the courtyard. The globe allowed China's ancient astronomers to more easily plot the position of celestial bodies in relation to the earth. The four dragons holding it aloft just added to my fascination with the globe.

Photo of the celestial globe in the observatory's courtyard

The instruments found throughout grounds of the observatory were definitely of a different age. An age when science and aesthetics were tightly interconnected. Without exception, the instruments at the ancient observatory combined function with form. They did a job, but they were also works of art. I spent long minutes sitting on one of the benches in the courtyard admiring those instruments, showing my respect to the craftsmen who lovingly made them centuries ago.

Surrounding the courtyard were a set of rooms. Those rooms acted as an ersatz combination of museum and astronomy exhibition. Everything was in Chinese (which I didn't, and still don't, read or speak). I was able to deduce that the information on the interior walls charted the history of Chinese astronomy. I can't be sure how much depth the exhibits went into, but I got the impression that they were a good primer on ancient stargazing.

As interesting as the courtyard was, I really wanted to get a closer look at what I saw from the entrance of the subway station. For that, I needed to go up.

Looking up at the top of the observatory

One hundred steps took me and my daughter to the top of the observatory. As in the courtyard, the observatory only contains brass replicas of the actual instruments used 500+ years ago by Chinese astronomers. But if you let your imagination take you back to that time, you can see how this location would have been a perfect spot to observe the night sky. The area immediately surrounding the observatory platform wouldn't have been blocked by any trees or buildings. On a clear night, an astronomer could easily get a 360 degree panorama of the heavens.

Contrasting old and new

I tried to imagine what a Chinese astronomer in the 16th century would have seen. In those days, there was no air pollution blanketing the city, making the skies hazy and wavy. There were no electric lights drowning out all but the brightest stars. The sky would have been clear and beautiful, populated by heavenly bodies of all sizes and formations. They were there to inspire awe in their beauty. The stars were there for intrepid scholars to try to understand.

Strangely enough, the real attraction of the observatory isn’t the set of replica instruments or the viewing platform. Instead, it’s the garden just behind the platform. As with the rest of the grounds, the garden was peppered with various astronomical instruments — mostly instruments for measuring the altitude and attitude of bodies in the sky. What made the garden so attractive was the quiet. I was just a few metres from the hustle and bustle, the din and the roar of the centre of Beijing. But I could barely hear the traffic. It was an irregular, distant din rather than a constant, loud drone.

The garden at Beijing's ancient observatory

My daughter and I were the only people in the garden on the day we visited the observatory. It's not that the garden was difficult to find. But on that day, the main entrance to the garden was being repaired which might have put off other visitors.

The lack of visitors was a bit of a surprise. For the two hours or so we were at the observatory, the only other people I saw there were the caretaker and two or three other visitors (who didn't seem to be experiencing the awe that infected me). Which was a shame, really. Beijing's ancient observatory is one of the city's little treasures.

You don't need to be interested in astronomy or history to appreciate and enjoy the place. The astronomical instruments, even though they're only replicas, are works of finely-crafted art. The site is a little oasis in one of the busiest, most crowded cities in the world. That alone is worth modest entry fee.

Scott Nesbitt

 
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from Random Notes

Ever second or third person these days seems to call themselves a writer. Or a something slash writer. For whatever reason, that seems to generate a lot of doubt in the minds of some people.

Those are the people who don't believe that you're a real writer (whatever that means). And they're not afraid to try to call you out. They do that by saying something like Oh, really? Well, what have you written? Those words are usually spoken in an accusing or disbelieving tone.

Yes, several people have said that to me. And in that tone. I have a stock answer for them:

Quite a bit, actually. I've written over 600 published articles, thousands of blog posts, and dozens of essays. I've published five ebooks, with a couple of more on the way. On top of that, I've written millions of words of documentation and marketing and training material.

Saying that usually shuts the doubters down. Sometimes, it just pisses them off even more.

But maybe you don't have as much experience as I do. Maybe you're just getting started as a writer. What can you do? The easiest thing to do is list your achievements, no matter their size. Here are a couple of ideas:

  • I've written x blog posts that have been read by y people
  • To be honest, I haven't written much but my work as been published in/a ...
  • In my day job, I've written x. On the side, I've published x articles/y blog posts

If the doubters still scoff, let them. Ignore them and their negativity. Just keep writing. Keep improving. Let the doubters doubt while you're actually working towards your goals as a writer.

A woman typing on a typewriter

 
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from Hello. My name is Bix.

How do we attain justice when we are deciding to throw up our hands and wait for the president to “self-impeach?” These women know that, while Pelosi’s wealth and Whiteness can act as her shield against Trump’s most egregious executive orders and policy maneuvers, they and their constituents don’t have that luxury nor do they have the time. When asked what, if anything, the Speaker was going to do about the recent allegations of rape made by author E. Jean Carroll against the president, her response was “what can Congress do?” This is not only outrageous but unacceptable.

From Is Nancy Pelosi the ‘White Moderate’ MLK Warned Us About? by Danielle Moodie-Mills

#Politics #Highlights #September2019

 
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from Hello. My name is Bix.

Earlier this evening, David Gasca, product manager at Twitter, announced that next week is “hack week” at the company. “What would you build,” he asked, “to improve conversations on Twitter?” I've been following Gasca, and a number of other Twitter employees, ever since Arielle Pardes' epic thread from a wide-ranging conversation at Twitter last month.

My initial suggestions will be familiar in light of all the things I've posted here about finding ways to instill more “friction” on our social media platforms. Among them: eliminating engagement counts, providing tools allowing users to control who does and who does not get to participate in replies to their tweets (an expansion of Twitter's author-moderated replies being tested in Canada), and the ability for users to self-organize into their own Twitter groups in a a sort of internal analogue to different Mastodon instances.

On that last, I argued, Twitter simply is too big at this point. If users could login to Twitter and be in a sort of “home community timeline”, a kind of safe space and home base from which to engage with the larger Twitter community and experience, perhaps that might provide a greater sense both of responsibility and control. Perhaps these chosen community timelines then could also (to borrow a term) “federate” internally on Twitter with other communities, creating shared timelines between or amongst them.

Gasca's reply: “Totally.”

To be clear, what I am not talking about here is Twitter's apparent push to allow users to follow topics in addition to following people. I'm talking about, in a way, something of a fundamental reorganization of the Twitter experience for those who want it: establishing the tools for users to create their own Twitter communities which would be subject not just to Twitter's wider community standards but in fact could construct their own and enforce them for its own members.

The “federation” model (which most people know, if they know it at all, from Mastodon) really is what I'm talking about but in the absence of literally breaking up Twitter into physically separate instances like in true federation, I think this sort of virtual internal federation is the way to go.

It's difficult to envision. Perhaps it would work much like Mastodon instances running forks such as Hometown which institute a “local-only” posting layer which vanilla Mastodon lacks, where you'd have to set the audience for each tweet as you go: some local-only, some private, some open to the entire network. Or perhaps a Twitter user could log in and literally spend their entire session just in a “local-only” mode consisting of their home community and/or any allied communities to which it's been linked, and never even look at the wider Twitter universe.

There'd be lots of details like that to work out. Personally, I like the latter model better, since you could just immerse yourself in that local community. But there'd be ways when browsing and engaging with the wider Twitter community to share things you find there just to your home-base community rather than publicly on your open timeline.

Like I said, it'd require a fundamental shift on the part of Twitter in terms of what service it thinks it's providing. I do think that if they were willing to made such a radical movie, certainly no user should be required to set up or be a part of a home-base community. You should be able to continue having the typical Twitter experience if that's what you prefer.

I'm just thinking that if users had the ability to have shared but private conversations—think of it like a group that is locked the way an individual Twitter account can be locked—people could feel a sense of security and a sense of ownership. Not, of course, over the service, but over their own experiences on it.

Maybe that's the thing that Twitter the experience is missing, and that Twitter the company missed. Communities require buy-in from their members, and they require some sort of emotional investment. Twitter users frequently have emotional investments in each other, but it's difficult to maintain that kind of investment in or as a group because Twitter can be so treacherous, often with no real safe place to retreat and be refreshed except by logging off.

What if the Home timeline really was just that: a home each Twitter user could make for themselves, with their friends or their family or their chosen family or whatever kind and size of group they wished, that no one else could touch except by invitation?

ETA: I got so carried away with the above that I forgot to reiterate something I've said before a number of times now: “Do away with likes in favor of highlighting. Do away with retweets in favor of commenting. Interaction over indication. Expression over excitation.”

#Community #SocialMedia #Web #September2019

 
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from Hello. My name is Bix.

Richard MacManus, of ReadWriteWeb fame, has an interesting analysis of email newsletter subscribers that gets into the question of whether or not people are willing to pony up for paid subscriptions, and if so to what are those willing customers subscribing, exactly. He talks a bit about the idea of “subscription fatigue” and as I've wondered before if “you could subscribe to all of The New York Times, The Washington Post, and Medium for $17/month” why would you instead spend more than that to subscribe, for example, to just five SubStack newsletters? You've got to have a lot of casual cash sitting around to subscribe to anything more than a couple.

#Business #Internet #Web #September2019

 
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from yourintrinsicself

Opening the door for another... so that they might open the door for you

Everyone gets upset sometimes. In intimate 1-1 relationships there are inevitable moments when both people are upset at the same time. In these moments, it is as if two people are trying to fit through a small doorway at the same time. One pushing, one pulling; and no one getting through.

What would it take for you to open the door for your partner? To let them through first, so that they can hold the door for you in exchange once they are through?

 
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from michel marques

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Diam quis enim lobortis scelerisque fermentum dui faucibus. Sit amet facilisis magna etiam tempor orci eu. Est ante in nibh mauris cursus. Consectetur adipiscing elit pellentesque habitant morbi tristique. Consequat nisl vel pretium lectus quam id. Adipiscing bibendum est ultricies integer. Lorem sed risus ultricies tristique nulla aliquet enim. Tempus urna et pharetra pharetra massa massa ultricies mi. Turpis nunc eget lorem dolor sed viverra ipsum nunc. Ullamcorper morbi tincidunt ornare massa eget. Iaculis at erat pellentesque adipiscing commodo. Ornare suspendisse sed nisi lacus. Habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada. Felis eget velit aliquet sagittis. Aliquam vestibulum morbi blandit cursus risus at ultrices. Imperdiet nulla malesuada pellentesque elit eget gravida cum sociis natoque. Eget nulla facilisi etiam dignissim diam.

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Aliquet eget sit amet tellus cras adipiscing enim eu turpis. Eget velit aliquet sagittis id consectetur purus ut. Morbi non arcu risus quis varius. Habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac. Eget nulla facilisi etiam dignissim diam quis enim lobortis scelerisque. Augue eget arcu dictum varius duis at consectetur. Nullam ac tortor vitae purus faucibus ornare suspendisse sed nisi. Lacus sed viverra tellus in hac habitasse platea dictumst. Sagittis orci a scelerisque purus semper. Egestas dui id ornare arcu. Eget velit aliquet sagittis id. Non quam lacus suspendisse faucibus interdum posuere lorem. Risus commodo viverra maecenas accumsan lacus. Auctor elit sed vulputate mi sit amet mauris commodo quis. Dolor purus non enim praesent elementum facilisis leo. Elementum sagittis vitae et leo duis ut. Sit amet mauris commodo quis. Rutrum quisque non tellus orci.

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Et odio pellentesque diam volutpat commodo sed egestas egestas fringilla. Adipiscing elit ut aliquam purus. Faucibus ornare suspendisse sed nisi lacus. Pellentesque id nibh tortor id aliquet lectus proin nibh. Etiam dignissim diam quis enim lobortis scelerisque fermentum. Parturient montes nascetur ridiculus mus mauris vitae ultricies leo integer. Justo donec enim diam vulputate ut. Imperdiet proin fermentum leo vel orci porta non pulvinar neque. Tincidunt tortor aliquam nulla facilisi cras fermentum odio. Laoreet sit amet cursus sit amet dictum sit amet justo. Feugiat in ante metus dictum. Sapien pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et.

Metus aliquam eleifend mi in. Ultrices sagittis orci a scelerisque purus semper eget. Vitae suscipit tellus mauris a diam maecenas sed. Pulvinar etiam non quam lacus suspendisse faucibus interdum posuere. Ut ornare lectus sit amet est. Amet porttitor eget dolor morbi non arcu risus quis. Elit ullamcorper dignissim cras tincidunt lobortis feugiat vivamus at. Felis eget velit aliquet sagittis id consectetur purus ut. Senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis. Mauris a diam maecenas sed enim ut sem viverra. Leo duis ut diam quam nulla porttitor. Euismod lacinia at quis risus sed vulputate odio ut. Ac odio tempor orci dapibus ultrices in iaculis nunc sed. Fusce ut placerat orci nulla pellentesque. Mauris cursus mattis molestie a iaculis at erat pellentesque adipiscing. Nibh ipsum consequat nisl vel pretium lectus. Tortor aliquam nulla facilisi cras fermentum. Ut porttitor leo a diam sollicitudin tempor id eu.

Ut etiam sit amet nisl purus in mollis. At in tellus integer feugiat scelerisque varius morbi enim nunc. Aliquet lectus proin nibh nisl condimentum id. Aliquet lectus proin nibh nisl. Congue eu consequat ac felis donec et odio pellentesque diam. Non nisi est sit amet. Mauris a diam maecenas sed enim ut sem. Varius morbi enim nunc faucibus a pellentesque sit amet porttitor. Nulla facilisi nullam vehicula ipsum. Nisi lacus sed viverra tellus in hac habitasse platea dictumst. Tellus rutrum tellus pellentesque eu tincidunt tortor aliquam nulla facilisi.

Sodales ut eu sem integer. Placerat orci nulla pellentesque dignissim enim. Imperdiet sed euismod nisi porta lorem mollis aliquam ut porttitor. Nullam eget felis eget nunc lobortis mattis. Fringilla phasellus faucibus scelerisque eleifend donec pretium vulputate. Consequat id porta nibh venenatis cras sed. In hac habitasse platea dictumst quisque sagittis purus. Tortor vitae purus faucibus ornare suspendisse sed nisi lacus sed. Gravida neque convallis a cras semper auctor neque. Id aliquet risus feugiat in ante metus dictum at tempor. Congue quisque egestas diam in arcu cursus euismod quis. Imperdiet proin fermentum leo vel orci porta. Congue mauris rhoncus aenean vel elit scelerisque mauris. Sed faucibus turpis in eu mi bibendum neque. Et molestie ac feugiat sed lectus. Lectus vestibulum mattis ullamcorper velit sed ullamcorper morbi tincidunt. Id porta nibh venenatis cras sed felis. Id velit ut tortor pretium viverra suspendisse potenti nullam ac. Vulputate enim nulla aliquet porttitor.

Sit amet nulla facilisi morbi. Malesuada bibendum arcu vitae elementum. Consectetur lorem donec massa sapien. Et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas integer. Dolor sit amet consectetur adipiscing. Proin fermentum leo vel orci porta non. Pharetra pharetra massa massa ultricies mi quis. Nunc mi ipsum faucibus vitae aliquet nec ullamcorper. Turpis egestas maecenas pharetra convallis posuere morbi. Eget nulla facilisi etiam dignissim diam quis. Lacinia quis vel eros donec ac odio tempor orci. Nascetur ridiculus mus mauris vitae. Sit amet aliquam id diam maecenas. Porta nibh venenatis cras sed felis eget velit aliquet.

At elementum eu facilisis sed odio morbi quis commodo odio. Augue mauris augue neque gravida. Tristique risus nec feugiat in fermentum posuere urna nec tincidunt. Est ullamcorper eget nulla facilisi etiam. Dolor sit amet consectetur adipiscing elit. Id ornare arcu odio ut. Elementum sagittis vitae et leo duis ut diam quam nulla. At ultrices mi tempus imperdiet nulla malesuada pellentesque elit eget. Magnis dis parturient montes nascetur ridiculus mus mauris vitae. Nulla aliquet porttitor lacus luctus accumsan tortor posuere ac ut. Massa tempor nec feugiat nisl pretium fusce. Morbi tincidunt ornare massa eget egestas. At quis risus sed vulputate odio ut enim.

 
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from Erik I

... and Googles AI still insists the most relevant shortcuts it can sbow me is the ones to text someone I hardly know – or call a project manager at work.

Artificial Intelligence is still hard it seems but sometimes they nail Artificial Stupidity.

Filed under #observations.

 
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from Erik I

Filed under #observations and #lifeInNorway

The army is training this week. I think it is the “Oslofjord” exercise. On the radio the other day they said there were going to be 3000 troops, F16s and F35s.

Almost everytime I hear fighter jets or see army helicopters I'm reminded about how lucky I am to live in Norway.

 
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from Poseur to Composer

Work got the best of me today. I feel chewed up and spit out like a piece of Bubblicious. I wish I had more time, more energy, to read, theorize, strategize how to innovate my personal practice.

Composers like George Russell and John Cage were “big picture” visionaries and strategists (Miles Davis to a lesser degree). Instead of working within existing frameworks they created their own. I admire these conceptual artists most, but also have deep admiration for Bill Evans (his contribution to music should be obvious to everyone reading this blog) and there are others.

I practiced So What several times tonight, gluing together the various parts and smoothing it over. I've already learned the piano-and-bass introduction and the So What chord, now I'm ready to take on more.

The process reminds me of the guy who ate a Cessna 150 airplane, but I digest.

Time bookstanding today: 35 minutes Quality of meditation (out of 10): 5

 
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from 365 RFCs

by Darius Kazemi, August 10 2019

In 2019 I'm reading one RFC a day in chronological order starting from the very first one. More on this project here. There is a table of contents for all my RFC posts.

Grueling workshop

RFC-222 is titled “System Programmer's Workshop” and authored by Bob Metcalfe of MIT Project MAC. It's dated September 13, 1971.

The technical content

This RFC describes the first two days of the next Network Working Group meeting in Cambridge, Massachusetts in mid-October. These days are a System Programmer's Workshop.

The workshop is described as “grueling” and they want no more than a dozen dedicated participants. Participants should have working knowledge of the various protocols and the inner workings of their own site's Network Control Program and Telnet client and server. The first order of the workshop is to use the PDP-10 at Project MAC to connect to as many Telnet servers on the network as possible. Then by connecting to those sites, they can Telnet to other sites, and hopefully exhaust every possible Telnet connection to every possible server, debugging as they go.

Analysis

“System programmer” is a term that came up a lot in older (late 1950s) computing documents that I've encountered in my research. Essentially, in the 1950s a “programmer” was considered a kind of code monkey, a sort of glorified typist. A “systems programmer” was a term used for someone who would design entire new systems from scratch, doing inventive computer science work, publishing papers, and so on. My sense is that this terminology was going out of style in 1971 but it's clearly still around enough that they named a whole workshop after it.

The workshop sounds really cool, actually. I like that the entire point is to get every computer on the network to Telnet to every other computer on the network!

How to follow this blog

You can subscribe to this blog's RSS feed or if you're on a federated ActivityPub social network like Mastodon or Pleroma you can search for the user “@365-rfcs@write.as” and follow it there.

About me

I'm Darius Kazemi. I'm an independent technologist and artist. I do a lot of work on the decentralized web with ActivityPub, including a Node.js reference implementation, an RSS-to-ActivityPub converter, and a fork of Mastodon, called Hometown. You can support my work via my Patreon.

 
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from kryptonitt.net

For at han skal sovne må vi høre musikk på mobilen. Først Beat It, Thriller, Dirty Diana og Smooth Criminal. Så kan vi gå over til sove-sangene: Heal The World, Will You Be There osv.

Mens jeg ligger der er jeg egentlig allerede nede og jobber med en presentasjon. Det er som i Robbie Williams sangen (andre gang jeg refererer til den på kort tid): Before I fall in love, I'm preparing to leave her.

Before he falls asleep, I'm doing something else.

Hele tiden ett eller flere skritt foran. Aldri tilstede her og nå. Er det sånn det skal være? Er det virkelig sånn det er? Jeg vet ikke.

Jeg likte det hun sa om rar, om å være rar. Det kan jeg godt være (tror jeg). Svensk rar. Svenskene er jo gode til så mangt. Jeg tilbragte noen somre i Sverige da jeg var barn. Pappa hadde sommerjobb som lege i Sundsvall, Visby, Örnsköldsvik. Jeg husker jeg syntes svenskene hadde veldig bra TV for barn på morgenen. To svensker med en søppelbil, og en fyr ute i skogen som kastet dartpiler. Jeg husker toast med hvitost og skinke. Og platebutikken med alle cd-singlene, i hvert fall den ene sommeren, det må ha vært 1992.

Det verste jeg vet er å få støt, for eksempel i en sofa med statisk elektrisitet. Derimot liker jeg godt å få sånne små støt som gir en fornemmelse av et øyeblikks lykke – eller salighet? Det kan kanskje beskrives med et onomatopoetikon: zdng. Mangler en vokal, men klarer ikke å bestemme meg for hvilken som passer.

Jeg hører på Thomas Dybdahl, That Great October Sound. Det er jo snart oktober. Det er i hvert fall høst. Første gang jeg hørte albumet var hjemme hos en kamerat i Trondheim der han studerte. Der lå jeg på gulvet hans, etter litt for mange pils, og lyttet til dette albumet. Det traff der det skulle – eller ikke skulle treffe. Det gjorde vondt og godt på samme tid.

Apropos pils: jeg har lyst til å drikke en øl eller to, men ikke her, og ikke alene.

Apropos vondt og godt på samme tid: Alt farlig var godt. Men ikke følgene av det farlige. Å gå under var godt, og aldri komme opp igjen, å være fortapt var godt. Men det var ikke godt å komme opp igjen allikevel og skulle være ett med alt omkring, med de virkelig gode som hadde det godt med det gode. Det var ikke godt. (Johan Borgen, Lillelord, s.83).

På side 83 er det understreket med grønn penn. I margen har jeg skrevet “Genialt!”. Vel, jeg var ung. Rettelse: vel, jeg var yngre.

Jeg har fått noen støt i dag, men det kan jeg ikke si så mye om. Det gjorde i hvert fall godt. Det gir energi. Det gir liv. Det er spenning. Det er farlig godt, og så kan det kanskje ikke bli bedre, fordi det på den ene siden er ulovlig og derfor umulig, og på den andre siden er det stor fare for at det blir veldig vondt hvis det blir veldig godt.

Tenk det. Eller: tenk at sånn skulle det bli. Og – skrekk og gru – hvordan skal det ende?

Jeg må finne dynen. Drukne meg selv under den. Forsvinne litt inn i mitt eget og gjøre akkurat hva jeg vil, og – for all del – ikke dele med noen. For, som Holden sa:

Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

 
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