from World's Worst Haikus
Share freely. Learn how.
from World's Worst Haikus
ok, so, fuck cross-posting to tumblr right now
i can't. there's like 9 duplicates. i already addressed this w/ write.as and they are working on it. mistakes happen. i get it. but i disconnected tumblr for right now.
so what am i up to? well, i was copying notes from the mini-journal to a bigger journal for the research class, but i am going to continue that tomorrow bc there are TWO DAYS worth of notes! Haha. too much for one eve.
i am also watching Facebook go up in flames bc the whole fucking corporation is a dumpster fire of spies which lead me to de-activate (delete, permanently) my Instagram acct. Fuck Facebook and everything it touches.
Fascinating how the (short, so very short) article on NYT opined upon itself “what shall we do? Deactivate our Facebook accounts?” & the answer they inferred was: No! People neeeeed them to attain apartments & jobs & such. Like, guess what? Tell them you don't HAVE a Facebook (which is still your gd right, ya know) & that you can't show them the acct bc it doesn't exist! If any walking / talking / breathing / human adult in any developed (or undeveloped) land cannot function w/o access to facebook.com, they shouldn't be allowed to walk free in society. So what will happen next? People will bitch a-b-o-u-t-F-a-c-e-b-o-o-k- ON F-a-c-e-b-o-o-k. Because every security dense nimrod out there still thinks what they say on the platform is somehow safe and not being monitored by...everything.
Android P just came out with a nice new feature: it turns off the microphone and camera to apps that are not running. Thx bro! Would be pretty sweet if they didn't fucking do that in the first place, but, beggars can't be choosers amirite?
How about just leaving sites that monitor your every move? I mean, i get it: i use Twitter a lot. idk how much they know about me (probably everything) and what they do w/ this info is a black box from all i can tell. They don't send me e-mail updates saying “we're auctioning off your data to this buyer for this price”. They just...do it. And somehow ads pop up on some rando site for typewriters or some shit.
Regardless, i cannot rightfully stop using the internet bc like most people, i am hopelessly addicted (esp to Twitter) but unlike some; i admit that fact.
the internet is awful. be safe. do damage control. and fuck Silicon Valley.
I hate that I’m waiting for him for him to message me. I hate that I allowed him into my heart; just a smidge, the tiniest bit that couldn’t be avoided. But it’s kind of like opening your front door a tiny bit while in a hurricane; not a good idea and very possibly a disastrous one.
We matched on Tinder and from the moment we began chatting, it was rapid-fire, sparkling repartee. I am at my best in an online conversation. That extra few seconds between responses allows me to draft the perfect comments, the cleverest comebacks. Without the heavy cloak of my own physical self-consciousness, I am breezy, confident and downright scintillating. It’s not often that I find someone who can keep up.
Aaron kept up. He too, was quick, clever, and sexy. He got my references. We flirted outrageously. He liked me too much way too quickly. I liked him but I am constantly on guard against letting myself get emotionally invested in my FWB’s. Deep down I’m a hopeless romantic, albeit a non-practicing one. I’m careful to keep my emotions in check but it’s like that old Don’t-Think-About-Elephants thing. One ends up with rampant herds of elephants on the brain. Pink, polka dotted, tutu-wearing, dancing elephants.
A few days into our online relationship, I went back to look at his Tinder profile and a cold chill ran down my spine. According to the Tinder app, he was 6,400 miles away. I’ve been targeted by several scammers over the past few years. They are all “looking for a long term relationship” and are “ready to settle down”. Often their story depicts them as widowed with a child (usually a son. I guess boys appeal more to a potential stepmother…?). These scamsters are often “in the military” and “overseas”. They go from zero to 60 in record speed and in a matter of days, they’ve fallen in love with you. With one of my earliest scammers, I played along just to see how far he would take his little charade. It didn’t take long for him to spin some cockamamie story about how his military pay was inaccessible to him due to government red tape but if I wired him X amount of dollars, he’d pay me back plus interest and then he could fly home to meet me and we could start our new life together. I played dumb and asked a zillion annoying questions about our future plans. Finally, I’d had enough. The whole thing was beginning to leave a bad taste in my mouth. I told him, “enough is enough. I have no money and even if I did, I wouldn’t ever send it to someone I’d never met.”
Many many scammers later, I can pick them out more easily. I avoid guys in the military or even ones who are out-of-state. I ignore anyone who claims to be looking to settle down. The syntax and grammar are often wrong and punctuation is inconsistent or missing. So when it seemed to me that Aaron had to be a scammer, it confused me. His writing was quick and flawless (not counting stupid typos). His knowledge of being American and more specifically of our mutual city, was completely legit. But he had mentioned that he’d recently been living overseas. After he ignored my text asking if he wanted to meet up, then texting me hours later, seemingly confused that my plans had changed, I decided to call his bluff. It was around 4:00am and I’d gotten home from a club a couple hours earlier. I invited myself over to his neck of the woods then sat back to see what he’d do. I was basically offering to drive 40 minutes just to blow him in the car. What guy turns that down? He did, more or less. Hemmed and hawed that he couldn’t think of a place we could be private and blah blah blah. I was convinced. He was thousands of miles away and thus there was no way we could meet and he was just jerking me around to ensnare me in his web. I texted him:
Look Aaron (if that’s even your name). I’ve enjoyed chatting with you more than I have with anyone in a long time. Will u please just tell me what u want? Is that even u in the pics? Where r u really?
He kind of shrugged off my questions and concerns, almost like he was humoring me. I mentally shook him off, disappointed that one of the few guys for whom I felt a connection was only playing me.
A couple days later he texts:
him: the day felt a bit empty without messaging back and forth with you.
I’d been feeling the exact same thing. We started chatting again but in the back of my mind, I took everything he said with a grain of salt. I wasn't sure what to believe. When I asked him about Tinder showing him as 6,000+ miles away he explained that sometimes he used a phone from the time he was living abroad, hence the different distances. But why did he almost always text at odd times; in the wee hours? Was he functioning in a different time zone? He was twisting my mind into a pretzel!
After much more flirting and sexual tension, one night at 12:43am he texts: “well come show me some action”
[12:44] me: ok
[1:33] him: ok as in you'll come?
[2:27am] me: as in 45 mins ago i coulda. Actually 2 hours ago. Then i fell asleep waiting for a response
(3 days later after no reply) me: wellll?
Nothing until 6 days later. By this time I'm even more convinced he is scamming me. But I can’t figure out how he sounds so normal. What is he after for fucks sake?! After nearly a week with no messages I figure this is one for the ages and I’ll never know what was what. It's frustrating and disappointing.
Then, out of nowhere…
Him: I feel you have too many guys lined up
That text is like a slap in the face and I feel that chill start up again.
Him: I was looking for more and you are settling for less.
Me: Ah, slu I was trying to write Ah, slut shaming. But my finger went haywire and I pressed Send prematurely.
Him: you're awake
Me: obviously (calling me a slut brings out the bitch in me; go figure)
Him: Ah slu isn't english is it
Me: yeah well
Him: well what chick
Me: the universe efited me. Edited.
Him: failed you
Me: that too
Him: you're trying for something, but leaving behind things at the same time
Me: aren't we all
Him: not me
Me: well bully for u
Him: I’m honest as i said. I’m true as i said
Me: how would i know?
Him: how dare i expect the same. That's fine. Treat me with low circumstance. I deserve it right.
Me: I’m open and honest
Him: right. If only
Me: and what does it get me? Slut shaming from u
Him: i aint speaking of anything u chose in your life. I would be number one in line to lick you dry.
Me: actions baby
Him: nah. You chose. And left me hanging. So goodbye
Me: stop saying that i chose
Him: you did. You had chances. You chose otherwise. prove me wrong
Me: fine, u obviously don't know me at all. But why would u. Have a nice life.
Him: I know you too well. I wish i knew you less. I wish i could live the dream. But you're playing fool. and i ain't one of them. I'm not your number 2. So fuck off. I'm number 1 or nothing.
His short sentences are actually sent as 8 separate texts which I find mildly annoying. So that's that, I think to myself. I feel strangely bereft. We are over and we never even began. I was condemned for choices I didn’t know I was making. And shamed for living my life in the only way I know in order to keep myself safe. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I missed our banter. I missed feeling special to someone. Three days later I caved. I decided, who cares if he isn't who he says he is. I enjoy him. I like him. And if he tries to scam me, I am on high alert.
Me: so i guess ur not even interested in being friends...Is it just me or didn't we get on like a house on fire?
And we start up again. And it feels really good.
END OF PART ONE
working on Newer Systems
i have decided that i am going to re-draft (but not remove) things from the Newer Systems “story” / “article” / “manifesto” that i have written. I feel that it is something worth being expanded-upon as well as having some source material to back up my claims (even though a lot of it is simply opinion & whatnot. Sounds like a terrific project i can undertake and may simply only take me several hours to complete (or a day). I need to print it out first so i can make the necessary revisions ON-PAPER, in red ink pen before doing anything digitally. I always like to have my work readable in both digital AND physical format, but this will more than likely simply be digital in the final version. idk. maybe both.
anyway, gonna be fun!
be back in a bit!
Non so nulla con certezza ma la vista delle stelle mi fa sognare vangogh
L’anima è un pianoforte con molte corde. L’artista è la mano che con questo o quel tasto porta l’anima a vibrare Kandinsky
i am sitting here thinking about making things
particularly, what can i make w/ a Raspberry Pi Zero W? I saw that someone built a super small PC w/ one & was wondering what it would be like to use it & how cool it would be to realllllly build a PC from scratch. I mean welding & all that shit. haha. I know i want to learn how to weld so i can make compnents or whatever in the future, but i am not there yet.
Fun to think about
be back in a bit!
thought i'd give it a shot
i went to tumblr and tried to create a text post on the Web version and of course it lagged and dragged this Raspberry Pi to its knees and almosyt crashed the entire machine, so, i will continue to make blog posts w/ write.as and just sync them across to tumblr as needed. I may flip back to tumblr after i get the Q10 (should that be the phone i buy) bc there is an easy Tumblr Lite type of app that i can use on there. but that still won't fix the RPi Web problem, so....maybe not.
be back in a bit!
another reason i love having a desktop....
...it was so easy to clean up olearytm.tumblr.com just now. all i had to do was hop in the theme editor and make one link a redirect link, take down another link (to oleary.io, everyone who knows of me knows this is where the action happens) and to make the description i have on the blog (tumblr blurb) less lengthy bc you originally had to scroll to see the whole gd thing & that is a pain in the ass. If i were doing all of this on mobile, i would have been an incredibly tedious process switching between browsers, tabs, apps, etc. Desktops are convenient.
anyway, just warming up in the apt right now bc it is basically below-freezing outside (as far as i can tell, could be wrong) & it is still raining, so, i am in for the day. For sure.
Be back in a bit!
Hah! He hasn't messaged me yet! What do I infer from this? I made a mess! He is a friend recently shown interest in me but already has a girlfriend whom he doesn't love. He says that he loves me but I know he thinks he does. I like him as a friend. We had a really weird conversation yesterday. And now I think I have messed up with our friendship! I don't want to lose a great friend like him!! What do I do??
Why is it that I always get attached to someone who is pretending that they love me. Why is it that I actually believe them.
La VITA che avrai non sarà mai distante dall’AMORE che DAI... Ermal Meta
from Camden Mecklem
After fiddling around with Wordpress, Tumblr, Medium, and Blogger, I think I'm finally settled on write.as. Certainly the focus on security/privacy is a plus, but it's also encouraging that they are not backed by VCs and already have positive cash flow.
Wordpress wants too much money for a simple own-domain subscription ($48/year paid in one chunk). While their customization is nice, I just don't have any reason to spend that much on my personal website. The same goes for Squarespace, who want a ridiculous $144/year for their most basic plan.
Blogger feels visually stuck in the 2000s, even with the nicer themes. They also lack SSL on own domains, which is a huge drawback. It doesn't fit well with my long-term move away from Google services, either.
Medium feels designed from the ground up for the kind of shallow content posted by Silicon Valley startup guys. I just can't imagine the format working for anything other than techy self-help entrepreneurial stuff. And every page is covered in branding, begging readers to sign up and clap and follow and all that.
Write.as feels like a happy medium, with the ease of use of Medium and Tumblr at a reasonable cost.
It has SSL for own domains at no additional cost.
It's simple to use for people who don't want to put in the effort of HTML/CSS theming.
read.write.as is a really nice feature.
They are not funded by VCs, and apparently have already achieved positive cash flow – making it much less likely that they will make some sudden, desperate move for money.
There are, however, a couple drawbacks I want to list out:
read.write.as is nice, but I want to be able to keep track of people whose posts I consistently like. A very simple follow feature would be appreciated
The interface is generally confusing. I'm getting used to it, but clicking around just feels strange, especially in the top left menu. It seems to follow an internal design logic that isn't immediately intuitive to new visitors. For example, there is no indication of what the “W” button will do when typing a post. It takes me to a “posts” page, which tells me I haven't written any anonymous posts. It seems out of place for this to come up while I've been working on a non-anonymous post for my blog. From here, the way to return to my in-progress post is to click the “Write.as” logo in the top left. There's nothing here to show this, I figured it out from messing around.
This week I've re-downloaded Outread to my iPhone, a speed-reading trainer app and I gave it a try this morning. I remember using this app briefly a few years ago, but somehow I ended up deleting it after a while. AppShopper has been helping me to keep an eye on paid iOS and Mac apps which from time to time go on sale or even available to download for free. This is how I got Outread for free and many others apps.
Cancer Discovery, Journal of Clinical Oncology有望突破25；
Lancet Respiratory Medicine, Cell Metabolism, JAMA Internal Medicine, JAMA Oncology, Gastroenterology突破20值得期待；
The past two weeks have hilly at work–ups and downs.
Tuesday and Wednesday were not very productive. In fact, I think I probably wrote less than 100 lines of code both days combined. Part of this was distraction, most of it was lack of motivation.
I thought today would be better. I got such a good night's sleep that my alarm woke me up. I was in the office on time (adjusted for some Tom-fuckery) but approaching lunch three hours in, I had produced bumpkis.
After lunch, I felt more productive having written some code, but still not making any progress. I thought I was pregnant with progress until I tried to do one simple thing which it turns out that not can I not do/don't know how to do, but worse, I wound up staying 2-2.5 hours late!
I was quite surprised when I looked down at my Apple Watch and saw it had ~14% battery left while I was still at work. I put my Watch on at my normal time this morning and I usually have ~30% or so left when I get home. I wonder if I got an insane number of notifications today, if I kept raising my wrist the wrong way or if my watch didn't fully charge overnight.
I was really hoping to break free of my not doing anything after work routine tonight and was excited too, but having gotten home so late, I'm not sure what I'll do.