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from frvl's blog

Autumn is here and even though the temperature has been warm around these parts for the last couple of weeks it's clear that nature has already given in to the seasonal changes. Soon we'll be wearing scarfs in our daily commutes and we'll be shivering in bus stations.

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from Matt

I arrived in Japan six days ago. Tired from a 10-hour flight after a night-long layover in Calgary, I wandered wide-eyed around Narita airport looking for an ATM — I'd read before coming here that I'd need cash in most places. After buying a subway ticket I didn't need, I eventually found the right ticket counter and the right train into Tokyo.

I don't like to plan a lot when I travel. Not knowing where I'll sleep on any given night frees me up to chase whatever presents itself as I wander around an unknown place. But as the train started to cross the landscape I realized it was 5pm and dark already — and I was tired. So I started looking up hostels near my train's destination, Nippori Station, on Google Maps. I found a decent-looking one, found the directions to get there, and decided to walk instead of taking the subway, to get my first taste of the country.

I checked in at the hostel, left my bag, then headed out for food and a toothbrush. Again I consulted Google Maps to find a nearby convenience store, and then happened upon a restaurant along the way. When I got back I worked on my laptop in the lounge area, striking up small conversations with a guy from Australia and one from California. One mentioned a small town called Gujo out near Nagoya that he said we shouldn't miss. I Googled it and kept the tab open on my laptop for later.

The next day I woke at 5:30, and it was already starting to get light outside. Failing to fall back asleep, I Googled around on my phone to figure out where I wanted to hike — my only real goal for the trip. I found a few articles about trails in the Kita Alps, and kept each one open in a separate Chrome tab. I looked up directions, and saw it'd be a 1.5 hour train ride, a long wait until morning, then a 2.5 hour bus ride to the trailhead.

When I got off the train at Nagano Station I looked for a place to leave my backpack and work for a bit. I found a few neat things to see in the area, again keeping each open in a separate Chrome tab. As I headed for each destination, I'd regularly check the tabs I had open to find exactly how to get where I was going, and later close them when I was done.


That night, the idea came to me for a new app. This whole time I'd been keeping track of various destinations and things to do with browser tabs. They're perfect because they contain all the information you need for one general task, and once you're done with it, one click gets it out of sight. As someone who doesn't want to have his eyeballs in his phone while traveling, this is great.

But it also meant I had to search through 67 tabs on my phone when I needed a piece of information — and then maybe I actually had the tab open on my laptop. So I wanted a simple app that would keep a running list of links, and let me clear them away as I no longer needed them. It would be nice to be able to save them offline, too.

As I thought about implementation: mobile Chrome doesn't let you consistently do third-party actions in one click. There are custom tabs for Android apps, but then I'd have to change my browsing habits just in case I find a link I want to save. Also, creating an entirely new browser app just to get this functionality seemed ridiculous.

Then I realized what it should be: a bookmarklet. It still wouldn't be ideal on mobile, but it'd work on any device and integrate directly with the browser.

So I spent an hour throwing a prototype together. It has two components: the bookmarklet / save link page, and a list of your saved links. You answer two questions about the link when saving it: When? (either now or next) and What? (either go or stay). Then the list shows links organized under the answers to those questions, in descending priority (now: go is first), and each has a “done” button next to it, to tap when you no longer need the information. This way the list becomes a concise jumping-off point of only the most important information you need. When you finish visiting a place and want to go on to the next one, you press “done” on the former, and immediately have the next place waiting for you, right there in the list.

The working title for the project is さまよう (samayou — “wander”) and you can try it out here. As always, it works instantly — no sign up required — and keeps everything saved in your browser. So far it's been pretty nice, but next I'll probably add simple list sharing so you can use it across devices. Let me know how you like it (or don't) if you try it out!

 
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Anonymous

#MeToo Staying away from home, late night travels during holidays have become usual and it didn't take much time to get used to it. Calls from mom while boarding the bus and then a call from me(after the person who is going to sit beside me for next 13 to 14 hours boards the bus) to inform her that its a decent person. Now,this night an uncle boards the bus and turns out that he is going to be the one sitting beside me and i tell mom that its an uncle who even asked the conductor for a water bottle on behalf of me while asking one for himself. She sleeps with relief at home and i adjust my seat at night and sleep like a baby( because ,you know, a “fatherly figure” is sitting just next to you ,what could possibly go wrong) until i feel a hand sliding under my waist. Before doing something aggressive out of impulse i look at his face and he seems sound asleep and i reassure the impulsive me that it is just an accident and is NOT intentional, i mean, it can't be (because you know “fatherly figure”). So i try to adjust myself a little away from the aisle seat and stick more towards the window seat and try going back to sleep. but i can't. All my head is thinking about is that what if i feel the hand again? what do i do? slap him?(no, that will be way too disrespectful) may be avoid him? or,may be i can shout at him and the whole bus is going to wake up and probably going to throw him out of the bus( because 'intolerance'). But what if the uncle is innocent and it is just an accident , may be when he sleeps he can't keep track of where his hand goes or slips for that matter(i know it sounds funny but i had to give the benefit of doubt to him because you know “fatherly figure”). He is gonna get thrown out of the bus because an impulsive girl without giving a second thought shouted at him for doing something which wasn't even intended by him. With all these thought i decided not to shout and tried going to sleep again, guess what, there it was again. Again i moved a little so that he gets aware of the fact that his hand is crossing it's line(literally). I mean, i tried to figure it out that hows it possible for a hand to slip all the way from an aisle seat towards the window seat and also not on the arm-rest but under other passenger's body for god's sake. In all this dilemma i tried to ignore it for next two to three times. As soon as i felt it, i moved myself and the hand would go back to it's place. i couldn't sleep for the whole night because, since the man couldn't keep track of his hands, i had to. After sometime the whole thing stopped and that made me feel like i could now go back to sleep and because i got motion sick this time(of all times) i was so drained out that i fell asleep. This time his hand had got enough time to slip under my wrist(which i intentionally placed as a barricade)to all the way under my waist again and as soon as i woke up i could feel his hands were still moving and were going further(as if it was some sloped surface). This time i pulled his hand out and threw it at him and said something angrily. It wasn't loud enough to wake everyone up but was loud enough for him to keep his hand where it belonged.and this little one-to-one interaction put an end to it. #MeToo -AY

 
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from Being Ashley

Domination and Weakness

A few men break some of the rules, some break all of them. Depending where I am weak I see that I am alternately drawn back to these rule breakers, and particularly the ones who approach me with such certainty that it becomes too easy to relinquish, to hand over to them. To relax in their usually brooding confidence. Finally, I won't have to decide, or resolve, or make better. It is a position that I find equally soothing and terrifying.

These men are also sometimes in my angsty man stable (see previous post) but I have put them there. It appears I also don't release them. Often they poke me, nuzzle questioningly, But sometimes, when I'm really low, I poke them. I have pondered why I do this, I have tried deleting them and closing off to them when I'm in a good place, but there are days where everything feels not right. On those days, I want those men, the ones that will tell me how to make it right.

I know what I want when this happens. He also knows what I want. I want him to pull my hair and tell me he has missed my throaty voice and my sexy ass, I want him to tell me what he will do to me. I want that. I want to be drunk on his wanting and steadfastness. I am in awe of his certitude.

It seems the lower I am, the more I want that. The harder it is to follow my own rules. What is it I wonder that makes me want this thing? I know what will happen. It is the same every time. I will awake from this stupor when I have rebalanced or he has pushed a boundary I am not ready to let go, and I will have to coax him back down, back to the stable.

But. In this moment. There is his voice. And I don't have to hear my own. And I feel the bliss of letting go a little.

 
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from Being Ashley

The Rules

When I joined Ashley Madison I think my friends thought I had lost my mind. In fact, I wondered myself. All I really knew was I was in a relationship I was not yet ready to leave but living in a sexual desert. I needed touch, and words. And to be seen.

There are so many men. At first it's exhilarating, then, Overwhelming, you learn quickly that the female to male ratio puts you firmly in control. Also you learn how much men really want you to look at their cock, seriously. I think it's evolutionary. Look! I have this thing! I can make babies! Come here!

I approached my experience like a mini science experiment. I created rules for physical and psychological safety. I got really good at editing out the rule breakers. I learned early not to wait too long to meet. There is nothing more depressing then when good chat dies after you show up at Starbucks. I got discouraged. There were so many we created nick names and algorithms. Unfortunately we lacked some creativity which led to things like foot guy (I bet you can guess) and car guy (that's where the cops make a brief appearance) and eventually names like chef 2.0 (vast improvement on first), marketing guy (also 1 and 2) and The professor. There was also toilet guy (not what you think), and farmer 1 and farmer 2 (I have learned farming is lonely). And probably a few I have forgotten.

Ultimately marketing guy 2 won the quest for my pussy but not without some casualties. I have learned many things during this experience but probably the key finding is that there is no algorithm for attraction. And ultimately it's very hard to not break rules that exist largely due to your own weaknesses.

 
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from write.as

As we continue to grow each month, we're seeing more and more writers migrate to Write.as from other platforms. We've already helped some move from Ghost (message us if you're thinking of doing the same), but there have also been writers who just want to move posts on their own. So we've just made it easier for them to sync up their post dates, and in the process enabled some new abilities for everyone else.

Now everyone can edit the metadata for their posts. If you publish a blog post and find that you don't like its slug (the last part in its URL), now you can change it; if we didn't save the correct language with your post, now you can fix it. And if you'd like to change the initial “created” / published date on any post, now you can do that, too — we even support future dates so you can schedule posts.

To edit your post's metadata, first publish it, then press the Edit link at the top of the page. You'll see a new icon in the top right that'll take you to that post's metadata editor.

Hover over the header in the editor to find the Edit Metadata link

A few things to note:

  • You can't schedule cross-posts, because editing the “created” date requires publishing a post first. However, we may support this in the future.
  • Changing the slug of any blog post will gracefully update the link on your blog home page, but will break any manual or external links to that post — your previous slug won't redirect to the new one. Be careful when updating this, or do it soon after immediately publishing to prevent broken links.

We hope this little added feature will make Write.as more useful for everyone. As always, let us know how you like it or if there's any way we can make it better!

 
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from Being Ashley

No More Feelings

When I met D my whole world paused for the briefest of moments, I think so I could breath. I was 27, he was twenty years older than me, and we were both married. I married young to a man whom was so in love with me I came to believe that must be what love is. He was solid and safe and I no longer had to feel the terror that the idea of love created in me, the panic that arose when I felt anything like it. I was a genius.

In a flash D reminded me of all the reasons I had avoided feeling, but it happened so fast I didn't have time to think, my brain didn't care, my body didn't care. I was awake. I was drugged. I didn't think to ask him, I assumed it was the same for him, I couldn't fathom that it couldn't be. It was a beautiful story I wanted to hear. It should not be a surprise that he broke my heart. Of course he did. We were in entirely different stories.

The gift of our time is that I came to realize that I was capable of loving, even if I was still entirely unsure I could be loved by someone whom really saw me. I imagine that is the worst part, rejection from someone you think actually knew you, had witnessed your broken pieces and seemingly accepted them.

So when I fell in love again I crawled into it, I laid down to nap in its very lap and held my hands over my ears when the warnings came, the harbingers of the hard road this love would be. I often think I am still there on some level. Waiting, blotting out the light that will show me the house of sand I have built.

I watch as the pendulum swings past again, I notice that once again my brain sees feelings as a natural enemy, something to be discouraged or attacked, something I am not meant for. This time I reluctantly agree.

 
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from Being Ashley

My Stable of Angsty Men

In my head there is a sort of catalogue of the men I have met over the last few years as I experimented first with affairs, and subsequently, an open relationship. Not big and flashy like an Ikea catalogue, more like your local hardware store flyer- New This Week! Brad! He like’s condoms!

There is within that collection, a subsection that I now call My Stable of Angsty Men. I am betting I am not the only woman who has this stable, but sometimes I do wonder. The stable is made up of men who usually follow a similar pattern, they pursue me, often rigorously, then when I turn towards them they panic, and run to the back of the barn. They often don’t actually leave the barn, or head to pasture if you will, they prefer to stay back there, sometimes brooding, sometimes genial, almost always creating angst.

I have spent many hours wondering what it is I do or don’t do that has led me to amass this collection. Is this a type of men who are attracted to me? Or am I somehow dysfunctional in my own way so as to create them? I can understand that perhaps, when confronted with the full force of me, for many a men that could be panic inducing. I think, for some of them, perhaps the pursuit may be the fun of it, and maybe they do not even know they are that way. For several, it is probably the confrontation of guilt regarding their own worlds, not being able to cross the threshold.

The thing that I do know is that with the angsty men, who often do not go away, there is often some element of feeling. They are almost always the ones I miss the most, all the more harder as they rarely ever leave. They just sit in their back stall, chewing the hay, popping their heads over the door every once in a while to see if I will still rub their noses or give them some sugar cubes.

I know, this all got very horsey fast, my apologies. You saw the title, it was bound to happen.

Also, I have come to realize that they almost never see themselves as the angsty men. They would universally decry my description- that’s not me! Let me be clear, it is you. If you are a man who is unsure, here is a checklist:

1) Have you pursued a woman relentlessly only to change your mind when she engaged? Or after you had sex? 2) Do you have women that you keep available for casual flirtation and occasional suggestions of more but not act on it? 3) Do you have a lot of female friends who, to your surprise, became attached to you romantically?

I know this lacks the validity and rigorous scientific testing of say a Cosmo quiz, but I would venture a guess that two out of three means that for sure you are in someone’s angsty men stable. It’s ok, the first step is admitting it… the second step is figuring out whether you really want to be in the barn at all.

Personally, I have grown attached to my angsty man stable, of course, so I guess I will just keep leaving the hay out for them...

 
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from Crownless Princesses

I just wanted to offer up my story of fighting the evil empire and winning... sort of.

I had about $600 in SeneBucks credited to me during the out of stock (OOS) dramas. I was already seeing through the company and was never going to order again. My sponsor is a friend of mine since birth and I tried to be very quiet about my distain, so I just stopped ordering around the middle of summer.

About a month ago, I began selling off my stock though the Buy/Sell/ Trade groups on Facebook, to be done.

dollars Photo: Gerd Altmann, ISO Republic

Then Hurricane Harvey hit, and I’m a Texas Native. So I put a post out to distributors, saying that if you were affected, let me know and I would help (by selling to them at wholesale cost price) — and I did. These women, who had lost everything in the hurricane, including all their SeneGence stock, had been told 'too bad' by SeneGence.

Shortly after, I got nasty emails from the SeneGence Compliance department, as I was selling for a greater than 15% discount (which is all the company allows). I blasted them back, asking just exactly what it was that they had done to help the distributors who had lost everything, aside from having Crown Princesses tell them that September is the perfect time to “start fresh” with Jump Start with a 300pv order. Are you effing kidding me!?

So. I told them I wanted my $600 in SeneBucks returned in REAL MONEY.

I heard crickets.

I emailed again and again.

I heard crickets.

Then I got serious, and involved my state’s Attorney General, the Better Business Bureau, and the Federal Trade Commission.

Two days later my Quick Pay account was credited for $300.00.

Seems as if you know “what” to say, they listen.

Oh, as I’m sure you could probably tell, along with my refund, I was also booted from the company.

—Erin Williams

#senegence #senebucks #scam #hurricaneharvey #lipsense #debt

 
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Anonymous

This world has turned to crap and it wont get better the way were acting. If we don't fix our selves think of what are kids are gonna have to live through because of us. Judgment , self-hate, anxiety. So many things they don't deserve and all because of us. Were crap i'm not gonna lie we really are . We don't care about anything but ourselves. You'll rarely see a couple with kids that are still together . Guys only care about their reputation. While girls want to be perfect and popular . Were not perfect and if your not true at heart your living a lie. When you go to school, college, work even, look an see if there's different groups . The popular , nerds, druggies ,the ones between popular and nerds. There's so many groups yet they all have one thing in common were all fake. We all say were friends till they walk away an you talk crap about them . I am guilty of it and if you say your not your lying. Everyone is insecure trying to make them selves feel good. All those celebrities they have insecurities too. There not perfect yet we treat them like royalty. Their just human being like the rest of us. I'm tired of all this plastic ,fake, barbie crap. We need to grow up for god sake.Be more real and if they don't like it tell them to grow and to stop being so dang fake to them selves and others. It hurts you when you figure out your fake to yourself . I know i figured it out. You should too.

 
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from frvl's blog

I was standing in line one day to buy a nice warm cup of coffee at this cart thing where they sell it. While waiting for the coffee to be ready the guy started talking to me asking me what grade I'm in and what my plans are for the future.

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from Mark White

I get a little tipsy, and at some point I decide, this is so good, you can't stop me now. There's no need to stop. Because this is so good. Ride this feeling for as long as you can be conscious or whatever — it doesn't matter, I don't think that far ahead — but right now I'm feeling so good. Surely only good things will follow from here.

Maybe in my world-loving state I'll encounter something incredible.

 
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from Being Ashley

Lessons in Not Love

I learned something valuable in my first affair. I learned that I will always probably want one. That there is something in me that will always deeply crave that kind of connection and intimacy, and that I will likely spend my whole life trying to feel fulfilled where I am right now. I also learned that it is very difficult for me not to be overwhelming in my need, even when I am starkly aware of it.

My biggest lesson was that it is so easy to mistake these things for love. Especially when you are trying to still figure out what love means to you. I like to think I am so much smarter now. I can say, this is fun, this isn’t love, this is something I need in my life. However, I have learned that knowledge of how we are broken is not enough to make us different. You may crave crack, or chocolate… I crave this. I have spent so much time trying to know what has made me this way, like if I find the place where it started I will be able to somehow fix it. I have learned it likely does not matter where it started and why, what rich tapestry of environment and nature make me want this. I also know now that opening the gates made me vulnerable, it is hard to turn back a river.

And so, here I am, in a hotel room, talking to a man about what our boundaries are, where we will both go, where we cannot, glimpses of what makes us both this way, tentative steps to reach out towards another human and see if they can provide some solace. I like this man. There is something familiar in the way he talks, and the way he smells, that makes me feel safe and at home. That does not overwhelm me and make me vulnerable in the way another man might. This is both comforting and worrisome.

Sometimes I think trust is the most complex human emotion. What of trust among cheaters? How do you build trust in a relationship that is fundamentally based on being dishonest with the people you love the most? Do I just close my eyes and hope this works? How do I explain to him that we have to be honest in this thing, when we may not be in other places, because it's the only way it will work. How can I possibly believe him?

I close my eyes.

 
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