from g a n z e e r . t o d a y
Keto diet out the window with today's lox, arugula, and cream cheese on bread, because if you're gonna have lox and cream cheese, well then you gotta have it on some form of bread.
Inbox has climbed up to 20, but I should have that taken care of by the weekend.
Wrapped up this week's worth of inking, and reminded myself why inking supplies should never be left anywhere near computer stuff.
#journal
Woken
from Proton Black
Woken at 4am by the dog. Feeling something akin to jet lag now. Bloody infuriating, will be a struggle today. I wouldn't be without him though. My black dog has helped keep the Black Dog at bay. And when he looks at you with those big brown eyes, you can't stayed annoyed with him for long.
28th May 2020
#journal #dog #depression
from Stylo-S
19/05/2020
It is Chaos, And I am consistenly being swayed. There is nothing to hold onto, Not even my self.
I used to thrive in change, But I, now, wish to find something I am certain of.
I now understand, Why people seek stability, Why they don't want to move, Why they don't want to doubt.
It is lonely to be fluid. It is lonely not to expect, People to be consistent, People to be there, as they were.
I am so alone. I am not even sure, If I'll be there for me.
Still, I am trapped. The World changes, Faster than I do. I keep getting swayed, And Time is my master.
#Quarantine #Journal
from Stylo-S
08/04/2020
Getting drowned in despair, Getting stretched by the Outside.
Letting myself drown, Letting myself get stretched.
Until there is nothing left In, Everything is Ot.
Once drowned, I won't have to swim. Maybe I'll be able to fly? Or maybe I'll be stuck. Stuck o the bottom, Where there is no light.
Where there is no light. Everywhere, Only darkness. I can't see. I can't feel. Peace.
#Quarantine #Journal
from Stylo-S
26/03/2020
Control. Over my body, I need Control. Over my feelings, Over my thoughts, Control. But I am a Fluid, Unstrained. My body moves. My thoughts race. Nd my feelings Dance. Freedom. They are freer than i am My body, My thoughts, My feelings. Control over them is a treason. Surrender. Surrender. And Be free.
#Quarantine #Journal
from Stylo-S
15/03/2020
je n'ai pas ressenti une telle colère depuis 2015, au moins. J'étais persuadée que la colère m'était maintenant inconnue. Je me suis trompée, et c'est un soulagement en quelque sorte. Frustration et colère, de me sentir enfermée, d'être née libre mais sans liberté. Une autorité autre que celle de Dieu m'entrave, et je ne puis l'accepter. Je suis libre, je suis libre, je suis libre. Mais vers où s'étend ma liberté, lorsque mon environnement se retrouve entravé. La vérité c'est qu'il fut toujours entravé, toujours le design d'autrui. Mais c'est son changement soudain, à la suite de ces événements, qui me fait m'en rendre compte. Qu'ai je fait, hier, aujourd'hui et que ferais je demain ?? Mes options se retrouvent limitées, mais l'ont toujours été. Mes choix étaient souvent les même, et je ne pensais pas aux possibilités que j'avais. Du moins pas toujours. On m'a juste retirer ceux que je faisaient par habitude, je devrais maintenant être capable d'agrandir ma vision. Ma liberté s'étend simplement ailleurs. J'écris ces mots pour essayer de détendre ma frustration, est-ce que ça marche ? Je me sens bien moins constipée lol.
~~
Je vis dans un monde, où il est ok de limiter la liberté d'autrui pour sa sécurité. C'est ce que le peuple demande ! Sécurité et confort ! A quel prix, juste celui de ta liberté, tu es né, tu as signé un contrat. Ce contrat ce sont tes chaînes, qui se resserrent toujours un peu plus, à chaque fois que tu choisis de te distraire, de t'enfuir, à chaque fois que tu choisis l'ignorance et que tu remercie le pouvoir de consommateur qu'on t'offre. Et quel pouvoir ! Le pouvoir de l'asservissement, pouvoir que maintenant on te refuse !!! Le comble.
~~
La dialectique du maître et de l'esclave est morte, nous sommes tous maîtres, les maîtres de rien, des maîtres asservis par des idées.
#Quarantine #Journal
from g a n z e e r . t o d a y
First time out last night since... I dunno, March? (Well, if you don't include weekly grocery runs, which I think is very fair to disinclude.)
Is it safe to assume that drive-in movie theaters are in for a comeback? If the full lot at the SHOWBOAT last night is any indication, maybe. A bit out of the way, but if inner city drive-ins were to spring up anytime soon, I don't see why that would be a bad business model (especially in car-oriented cities like Houston or, say, Los Angeles). Oh and by the by, JURASSIC PARK, 27 years later(!)... still totally holds up (okay, so they glaze over some of the science stuff, but still a damn fantastic movie).
Set out this week's worth of mail out front for pick-up and winding myself up for a long day of inking.
A couple newer additions to the webshop too.
Inboxes at (gulp) 19.
#journal
Conspiracy
from Proton Black
Today I stumbled across another post on Twitter suggesting that the coronavirus is in fact spread by 5G technology. Another said that in November 2019 Wuhan was the first city to roll out 5G, and lo and behold two months later, the virus struck. There had to be a connection!! I went further down the rabbit hole; another post said that the virus was purposely released into the world, and when we receive the vaccine a small electronic chip will be injected into each of us, allowing governments to track our every movement. Meanwhile, the Canberra Times reported that one-in-eight Australians believe the virus is spread by 5G. Lord help us.
Sadly for the conspiracy theorists, there is no Bond-style villain orchestrating their dastardly plan from a secret lair. Indeed, if the UK government is a part of the master plan, they are making a right bloody mess of it; they can't even get their world beating track and trace app up and running!
Joking aside, why do these conspiracy theories circulate so widely, why does it appear so many believe them to be true? And then I remembered Arthur C Clarke's Third Law;
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic
I remember my grandad used to like building crystal radio sets. He understood why they worked. He would know which components to use, and how to connect one to another. If anything went wrong, he would know how to fix the problem. The same is not true with mobile telephones. The majority of people don't know why or how a mobile works, and the technical wizardry utilised might just as well be magic.
Might this ignorance of technology and how it works explain why there are so many who are prepared to swallow these ridiculous theories? Or maybe I am over complicating matters, and I will just have to accept there are a lot of very gullible people in the world.
27th May 2020
#journal #coronavirus #lockdown #5g
A Soundtrack from Home
from Eli(sha)
As far as I know, this is the only music CD in my immediate possession. Having shifted to Spotify, then just recently to YT Music for all my audio listening needs, I no longer own any physical copies of music, but this one's pretty special – aside from the fact that the album itself isn't on both services. I would never part with it for anything in the world! It's the official soundtrack for one of my favorite movies of all time – MNL 143.
Here's the trailer for the movie (with English subtitles!), but in a nutshell, MNL 143 follows Ramil, an FX/minivan driver, on his last drive around the city. The movie itself is made up of little tidbits of stories of the passengers who get on and off his vehicle, but overall it ties neatly into the theme of despair and hope in trying to find a lost love from years ago.
When the movie initially came out, it was through small private viewings across the city. I don't think they ever went big and showed it in cinemas as it was an indie film, so you can totally tell I was giddy with excitement when the film organization in my university held a screening – a limited seating one at that. I had heard of the movie months before but never had the opportunity to watch it live! They also invited the movie's director for a short Q&A after, so I shelled out all the money I had from that week's allowance to buy myself a ticket.
Now I'm no expert critic, but I fell in love with this movie from start to finish. The story was amazing, the small character stories well fleshed out even if they only lasted 5-10 minutes in the whole movie, and the music! A huge reason why, out of all the merchandise that they were selling after the show, I picked the CD was that I couldn't stop thinking about the songs – they had so much passion and emotion into it, they really carried the scene. Literally, they were stuck in my head for weeks.
I watched the movie again around two years back, when, for a brief time, the studio decided to put it up on Vimeo for paid viewing. Besides all the other reasons why I initially fell in love with it, looking at the locations was a wave of nostalgia. I had ridden through the same route, on a similar minivan. I had walked those streets and heard the same sounds. Maybe I was homesick, but at that point in time, I thought This really feels like a love letter.
MNL 143. Manila, I love you.
Yes, I do.
20/100
I'm currently doing a challenge called “100 Days to Offload” – you can join in the fun too by visiting https://100daystooffload.com
If you'd like, drop me a message here – I would be absolutely thrilled to hear from you!
#100DaysToOffload #Journal
from here is distant
Listening to lyrics under lamp light, I bring an arm around the duvet spooning me graciously. The sheet is smooth, and I know the pillows are there because I feel them underneath me. The shop, bar and beach are places elsewhere to this. They're different somehow, some kind of blur I've no desire to put my finger on.
I need to be better acquainted with the inside of my eyelids. Time awake is no stranger, no stranger than the gentle lulling of soon. I'm tired of seeing, being seen, thinking and being thought of. What's to come will remind me what I even care about, which I love, because it's becoming easier to forget.
#Journal
Astute
from Proton Black
I cannot believe that someone as politically astute as Dominic Cummings would not have known the reaction that was likely to greet news that he had broken the lockdown regulations. Was his decision to travel to Durham a genuine error of judgement or did it amount to hubris?
No doubt your answer will be influenced by your opinion of the man and your political leanings. Whatever your views, the government's decision to support him has undermined their message; for many, following the rules is now a matter of choice rather than necessity.
The governments plans for an orderly relaxation of the lockdown is likely to have been badly damaged by this episode.
Hubris: a personality quality of extreme or foolish pride or dangerous overconfidence, often in combination with arrogance.
26th May 2020
#journal #coronavirus #lockdown
Scents
from Eli(sha)
I had started to write an entry for today regarding how life was slowly going to change into the “new normal” for me and the family, but my head had blanked out. There really is some fatigue that's involved in attempting any challenge – and maybe I've never mentioned it but in the past, I have never really completed a 100, let alone a 30-day one before. The culprits used to be time and energy, but now that I have more than enough of those to spare, it seems as though creativity (and words) is slipping through my fingers! It's absolutely odd.
But I'll try to persist for a little while longer – like everyone who's started (and ended) this challenge, they've earned little nuggets of wisdom from it. I do see that there's value in trying to attempt to write consistently, I might just be trying a little too hard? That might be the case. But believe me, the habit is starting to stick – I was still slightly itching to write something, anything, last night even if I had already done so in the morning.
So, to experiment and to do things differently, this week I'll be attempting to pick seven random objects in my room and describe how they've come to my possession and why they're important to me. I know, very different.
So for today, here's a bottle of the perfume I use – Vince Camuto's Fiori
When I was younger, I was never the girl who was obsessed with how I smelled. Of course, I'd put on my deodorant before heading out the door, but besides that, I never really put any lotions, creams or perfumes on my person. It even came to the point where I would joke about how I wasn't female and human because I didn't smell like a flower garden, like everyone else who I passed by did. I was part envious, but I was so low maintenance, I couldn't exactly care while walking under what probably felt like 100F weather.
On the other hand, my first boyfriend was more high maintenance than I ever was. His family would frequently see the dermatologist and get facials and creams to help maintain even skin texture. If I didn't have the annoying habit of ruffling up his hair, he would've used hair gel on his head every single day. Now I'm not saying I was a total slob, but it took years for me to realize that besides basic hygiene, some effort was needed. And so, one day he gave me a small bottle of perfume (right) that he got as a free sample from a purchase of his own cologne.
I didn't really use it right away, nor did I really like the scent of it. The whole concept was so foreign to me, I only probably used it once or twice in the months after I received it. As a memento, I brought it with me when I moved countries, and somehow, the memory of it evolved to a scent of something familiar. Little by little, I started putting it on my wrists and on the sides of my neck (as is recommended). I put it on as a lucky charm on my first ever job interview. On days that I felt bad about life in general, I'd open the bottle a tiny bit to get a whiff, and sometimes, it worked to calm me down.
As a feminine take, I was also starting to become obsessed with the idea of having a signature scent. You know, the kind where you'll know it's your friend or your mom right away when they walk inside a room. Maybe it wasn't about smelling like a flower field, drenched with the same scent from head to toe, but I was gradually changing from basic to more-than basic, and that upgrade included finding my favorite pair of earrings (pearls) and one go-to wristwatch (a classic Rose Quartz Swatch). As a side note, did you know that if you take your watch to the Swatch shop for some yearly basic maintenance, they can take a look at it, tune, and polish it for free forever? I really dig that aspect of it.
The tiny bottle lasted for three years before I had to purchase the bigger bottle late last year. I've since moved on from the feelings of that relationship, now happy with someone new, but it's become such a huge part of who I am now that I don't think a morning's routine would be complete without dabbing a few spritzes on my wrist. Sometimes it's still a lucky charm, but more often than not, it's more of a reminder that I've changed, hopefully for the better.
19/100
I'm currently doing a challenge called “100 Days to Offload” – you can join in the fun too by visiting https://100daystooffload.com
If you'd like, drop me a message here – I would be absolutely thrilled to hear from you!
#100DaysToOffload #Journal
from g a n z e e r . t o d a y
Doing a bit of a conceptual thing for a local art space that involves drawing lots and lots of hands. Done for the day (it's still a struggle to be okay with a pre-allotted workload and not carry on until collapse), will carry on tomorrow. I should be back on TSG duty come Thursday.
Will attempt exercise now (it's been a few weeks), and follow that up checking out a screenplay a couple friends of mine wrote.
Inbox(es) at 8. Mostly newsletters, and one “negotiation” thing, which I must admit I'm still not entirely used to doing over email.
On another note, crib-assembly successful. 💪
#Journal
Leaders
from Proton Black
Finland, Iceland, New Zealand, Singapore and Taiwan have each dealt with covid-19 better than most other countries. Is it more than a coincidence that the leaders of each of those countries is a woman?
25th May 2020
#journal #coronavirus
What's the Point?
from Proton Black
After it emerged that his Chief Advisor, Dominic Cummings had apparently broken the lockdown rules shortly after the restrictions had been implemented, Boris Johnson yesterday made the following statement;
I have had extensive face-to-face conversations with Dominic Cummings and I have concluded that in travelling to find the right kind of childcare, at the moment when both he and his wife were about to be incapacitated by coronavirus – and when he had no alternative – I think he followed the instincts of every father and every parent. And I do not mark him down for that.
The government has never got to grips with this crisis. I accept that when dealing with an unknown quantity such as covid-19, difficult decisions have to be made, and mistakes will occur. However, in such uncertain times what one needs is strong and clear leadership, and in the UK that has been sorely lacking. In trying to defend his closest advisor, Johnson has effectively re-written the rules for lockdown. Now, when failing to abide by the restrictions, one need only quote Mr Johnson, and claim “I was simply following my instincts”.
The consequence is that the lockdown may soon collapse as people shrug their shoulders and ask “what's the point?”.
25th May 2020
#journal #lockdown #coronavirus