I won! Mwahaha! I won! I won! I won! I won! Did I mention I won? 😉😹

That's all I got for today. It is enough. 😸

© 2026 AnOublietteofThought. All rights reserved.

Our Father Who art in Heaven Hallowed be Thy name Thy Kingdom come Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven Give us this day our daily Bread And forgive us our trespasses As we forgive those who trespass against us And lead us not into temptation But deliver us from evil

Amen

Jesus is Lord! Come Lord Jesus!

Come Lord Jesus! Christ is Lord!

🇨🇦 • 🇹🇷 • 🏳️‍🌈 • 🏳️‍⚧️

And They for known notations The petrified and weary Witnessing to glory

And in redeem, He knows Our God in Heaven Assembler of the rain

In Christ’s redemption- of Canada abroad

College Football Tonight.

Tonight the Memphis Tigers football team from the American Conference will be hosting the East Carolina Pirates in a game scheduled to start at 6:30 PM CT. I intend to follow the radio call of that game.

Sure, NFL's Thursday Night Football has the Patriots playing the Bears tonight, too. But that will only be a fall-back option for me if I'm unable to bring in a college game.

And the adventure continues.

Ma grand-mère est en fin de vie. Alzheimer. J’essaie de me souvenir de la dernière fois où on a eu une vraie discussion. La dernière fois où on a partagé un repas. La dernière fois que l’on a pris une photo ensemble.

On se souvient des premières fois. Mais les dernières fois sont tout aussi précieuses. Sauf qu’on ne les aperçoit pas. Elles passent sans prévenir...

Il y a peut-être eu aujourd’hui dans ma journée une dernière fois.

In recent weeks, I’ve been able to share a visualization exercise with several people about two important temporal postures that can dramatically affect our own sense of well-being and our relationship to the world around us. The visualization uses two concepts to help a person orient themselves in space-time.

Facing

Facing refers to the current orientation of our attention and focus. Our intention, care, and observer energy are directed at this time period. There are three fairly concrete directions and one esoteric/mystical direction. We can be past, present, future, or timeless facing.

Past facing involves the conscious intention to examine the past through memory, feeling, story, body-memories, and conversation. This can be as academic as reading and researching history and as deeply personal as a moment of grief or savoring a past triumph. Past facing holds gently that these things have already happened as far as we can tell, and that while we might be able to reframe or change the interpretation, we cannot change the reality of what did happen. The question for this space is “so what really happened?”

Present facing involves conscious intention to give our attention to the present moment. This may be through a focused activity like doing the work in front of me, or a more gentle awareness like mindfulness, noticing, meditation, or body work. It can even be deeply embodied like savoring the meal you are eating right now, mindful sipping of coffee or tea, or the enjoyment of physical connection with another person. Our attention is here and now. The question for this space is “so what’s here now?”

Future facing is our conscious effort to imagine what has not happened yet. It can be as goal oriented as practicing for a concert, taking an exam for a job, or filling out a planner for the month ahead. It can also be more soft focused, like imagining a plot for a book, daydreaming about an upcoming event, or mutual conversation about a shared dream for a good thing that has yet to come. The question for this space is “so what comes next?”

Timeless facing is the potential for incredible stillness that allows us to let go of time as a construct, experiencing, however briefly, a taste of eternal now where all sense of linear, cyclical, or spiral movement simply ends. It’s sort of the absolute zero of consciousness and a rare state that some of us might never be aware of experiencing. There are no questions here because thought is still.

In each of these modes, what moves is attention, intention, and focus. In the fourth, even attention itself dissolves like a spoon in the Matrix.

Dwelling

This aspect of our temporal posture is less about attentiveness and more about the felt sense of time in our bodies. Here we engage the sense of motion, velocity, gravity. Which phase is pulling us in and won’t let go.

Past dwelling can looks like rumination on what happened, time traveling body memories from previous overwhelming experiences, nostalgia, or even the forgetfulness that can come as we age- “In my imagination I’m 35 year old me”. In it’s most extreme form it can look like despair, “my best days are in the past, everything good is already behind me”, or “Everything has already been so hard, and I’m so beat up that I can’t even imagine a future.” Some forms of dementia leave a person permanently past dwelling because those synapses are what still works and the present is unintelligible.

Present dwelling is the embodied awareness that I am right here, right now. Its best version is an embodied mindfulness that marries movement and action with awareness and curiosity. Present dwelling can go off the rails though, when it becomes impulsive and arbitrary, behaving as if now won’t have consequences then. We have some many ways in popular culture to describe this phenomenon, fear of missing out (FOMO), You only live once (YOLO), do what feels good, I’ll be mellow when I’m dead. Successful present dwelling in contemplative life needs to be paired with the ability to shift through the different facing postures.

Future dwelling is the sense of racing ahead of everyone into the future. In it’s best sense it can be a space of wild innovation and creativity, being able to connect the dots and write the plans as if the moment had already arrived. At the same time, this race into the unknown can leave us anxious, fearful, constantly scripting entire dramas of what may be with no anchor in what is possible or likely. In the most somber sense, future dwelling is always racing on to what’s next without examining what happened or what is, it is finally, a race to the finish line, which for a human life is our final breath and the stillness of death.

Timeless dwelling is a way of articulating that not only has attention and awareness of time dissolved, but that the sense of the self as a separate container has dissolved as well, therefore the relationship of self to time becomes a non sequitur. This is a rare occurrence. The kinds of experiences related to this kind of dwelling are very intense moments of ego-dissolution, like near death experiences, profound psychedelic medicine journeys, mystical union through contemplation where the self and the Godself become indistinguishable spatially and temporally, and also the harrowing experiences like forms of psychosis, total catatonic dissociation, and traumatic psychedelic journeys.

Combination Move

We’re curiously complex creatures, and so we are capable of dwelling in one space and facing another. If I set an intention to prepare my schedule for the week ahead and look at how that will affect the prayer and meal schedule for the house, I can be simultaneously present dwelling and future facing. If I meet with a novice and we review their past month and the outcomes of their rule and what they learned in that time, we can be present dwelling and past facing together to help surface wisdom.

For folks who have endured instances or chronic traumatic stress, they can end up past dwelling and future facing at the same time. Everything that was too much, too fast, too soon in the past overwhelms any sense of the present and the future looms large as an ever present deliverer of new threats.

Sometimes during the healing and integration process, we borrow energy from our dwelling space and lend it to another space through our facing. For example, the felt sense of community in the present can be offered to a lonely past self through past facing attention and kindness.

As an exercise

This framework gives us an opportunity to tease out whether thoughts and feelings about a particular part of our story are a form of conscious attention and intention, or a felt sense of being “somewhen”. Even drawing awareness to the distinction, and then to the interplay, and the ways we can use different combinations to show deep compassion to both the dwelling place and the focus of attention for every part of ourselves can be a real help. Relativity teaches us that space and time are like a unified fabric, meaning that each somewhere is different, even if we return to a place, because it is a different somewhen. Mindfully relating to the mystery of time is another way to bring a contemplative lens to the actions of our everyday life.

As you practice today, can you notice the subtle shifts in your facing? What about your dwelling? Does that stay more steady? If your sense of dwelling changes, can you pay attention with loving curiosity to what is happening in those moments? How does understanding your temporal posture open your heart to telling a merciful story about what it’s like to be you today?

De dichter des vaderlands*

Dit stuk plak ik daar op dan moet hier nog een laag overheen dit afvoergat vul ik met een rubberstop voor deze opening rol ik een dikke grote steen die scheur daar smeer ik helemaal vol die tochtgaten nagel ik met lakens dicht die stroom trage prut moet worden gestold op dat luik takel ik een enorm zwaar gewicht daar komen duizenden hekwerken verderop een paar smalle bruggen met tolpoorten de dijken ga ik driedubbel versterken bij de grens vijfhonderd extra uitkijktorens bij iedere toegang minstens twee grenswachten op alle manieren onze wereld stevig isoleren alleen nog maar politiek bedrijven met uitzendkrachten en iedereen van buiten blijven afweren tot ze het hier naartoe komen afleren die naad plak ik nog een keer extra af dat hol moet met aarde worden gevuld een muur moet er komen tussen koren en kaf er moet direct een einde komen aan alle uitgaande en inkomende flauwekul niemand mag meer met vaten communiceren alleen bekenden mogen nog worden bemind het tij mag vanaf dit moment niet eens meer keren en dat allemaal omdat ik vanaf dit moment de zelf verklaard dichter des vaderlands ben.

*letterlijk

The people of Earth develop nuclear power. Naron, a long-lived Rigellian who serves as the Keeper of galactic records, notes this achievement and records humanity as having reached maturity. Until he discovers something else... Despite the seriousness of the subject, Asimov keeps a light touch in this very short story.

---

A 1-minute read.

Naron of the long-lived Rigellian race was the fourth of his line to keep the Galactic records.

He had the large book which contained the list of the numerous races throughout the Galaxies that had developed intelligence, and the much smaller book listing those races that had reached maturity and had qualified for the Galactic Federation. In the first book, a number of those listed were crossed out; those that, for one reason or another, had failed. Misfortune; biochemical or biophysical shortcomings; social maladjustment, etc., took their toll. In the smaller book, however, no member listed had yet blanked out.

And now Naron, large and incredibly ancient, looked up as a messenger approached.

“Naron,” said the messenger. “Great One!”

“Well, well, what is it? Less ceremony.”

“Another group of organisms has attained maturity.”

“Excellent. Excellent. They are coming up quickly now. Scarcely a year passes without a new one. And who are these?”

The messenger gave the code number of the Galaxy and the coordinates of the world within it.

“Ah, yes,” said Naron. “I know the world.” And in flowing script, he noted it in the first book and transferred its name into the second—using, as was customary, the name by which the planet was known to the largest fraction of its populace. He wrote: Earth.

He said, “These new creatures have set a record. No other group has passed from intelligence to maturity so quickly. No mistake, I hope.”

“None, sir,” said the messenger.

“They have attained to thermonuclear power, have they?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, that’s the criterion.” Naron chuckled. “And soon their ships will probe out and contact the Federation.”

“Actually, Great One,” said the messenger, reluctantly, “the Observers tell us they have not yet penetrated space.”

Naron was astonished. “Not at all? Not even a space station?”

“Not yet, sir.”

“But if they have thermonuclear power, where then do they conduct their tests and detonations?”

“On their own planet, sir.”

Naron rose to his full twenty feet of hight and thundered, “On their own planet?”

“Yes, sir.”

Slowly, Naron drew out his stylus and passed a line through the latest addition in the smaller book. It was an unprecedented act, but, then, Naron was very wise and could see the inevitable as well as anyone in the Galaxy.

“Silly asses,” he muttered.

#asimov

Inbetweeners 38- The Lady of Pain

The Lady of Pain is an enigmatic figure in D and D lore, which makes her particularly useful to dungeon masters as they can craft her intentions to their needs. Before I outline her backstory in the Inbetweeners, lets go over what we do know about her from 5e:

-Her origins and intentions are enigmatic. No one knows her age, purpose or the nature of her power.

-She is the absolute ruler of Sigil. While she seems unbothered by the daily minutia of running an interplanar metropolis, no one challenges her absolute authority here.

-She has banned deities from the city, and is powerful enough to enforce this ban, meaning that her power at the very least rivals gods if not outright eclipses them.

-When she is seen, her form involves razor sharp blades.

-She is able to imprison foes in mazes and extradimensional spaces.

I kept all of these as part of her charter, but greatly expanded upon it for the Inbetweeners Campaign. Her origin was not revealed to characters initially, but they are able to gather details over tiem.

---

The Lady of Pain originally hailed from the Far Realm. Again, the Far Realm is not one place, but rather represents dimensions outside of the normal bounds of reality where our understanding of physics, geometry, etc completely breaks down. It is associated with insanity because it is so different, so alien and the minds of the multiverse cannot comprehend it. That being said, that does not mean the Far Realm is monolithic chaos. It most certainly has its own form of order, just an order that we don't understand. So similarly to how the Interloper hailed from somewhere outside the bounds of reality, so did the Lady of Pain. She is however, far older and far more powerful.

The Lady of Pain arrived in the multiverse soon after the ascension of Primus. He had finished his war against the Titans, annihilating most of their race and securing his dominion across the the planes. The Lady of Pain, like the Interloper, was far more interested in knowledge than power and conquest. To her, this multiverse was a testing ground and place for observation. However, the Lady of Pain's experiments threatened the order which Primus so meticulously built, so they ended up in a bitter conflict. Neither side was powerful enough to destroy the other outright, but it quickly became clear that the multiverse itself could be destroyed if things continued to escalate. Primus, through Mechanus, created a bargain. They constructed Sigil, which would be an interplanar Nexus and crossroads. From here, the Lady of Pain could continue her observations and experiments, but she would not be permitted to leave Sigil. She reluctantly accepted.

So the question is, why would the Lady of Pain accept such a prison? Why would she cede so much of the multiverse. To understand this one must first understand how time works, or doesn't work for the Lady of Pain. 50,000 years may seem like a long time for a mortal, or even a diety, but for the Lady of Pain time is irrelevant. She exists outside of normal time, so any sojourn of imprisonment or waiting is a trifle so long as it does at some point end. She could continue gathering data and knowledge in peace, and without risk of sabotaging the entire experiment in a conflict with Mechanus. So, she went to Sigil and she made the city her own. And she observed, experimented, and waited.

What Primus didn't realize is that the Lady of Pain's freedom was a statistical inevitability. From his calculations, she would be trapped in Sigil for all time. What he didn't account for was anomalies outside of causality. This is where his calculations breakdown. Causality is an artificial constraint imposed on reality by Primus, but the multiverse is not a closed system. Far Realm incursions do occur. And those can introduce a level of entropy that violates the laws of causality. Hence Primus had created the Protectors of the Weave, to isolate and eliminate any Far Realm incurions. The Lady knew, inevitably, something would break through that could end her imprisonment. Enter, the Inbetweeners.

While the Lady of Pain can't leave Sigil, she is able to see across the multiverse. It was in this way she first became aware of the Inbetweeners as they explored the rooms adjoining the Grey Room. She tested them, both to get a sense of their alignment, priorities and power level, but also to see if they adhered to causality. Time and time again they defied expectations. Even she could not predict their next action. The fight with Arkanos was the final test. An impossible task. Even if they players lost, it didn't mean they were tethered to causality, but a win all but proved they were not. The time for the Lady's freedom from Sigil was at hand.

In order to break free though, she would have to break the power structure in Mechanus that contains her. Her power is immense, but she cannot unilaterally attack Sigil, not without risking a full blown return to the previous conflict. So, she had the players free Grandma Nettles. However, there was a complication. She assumed the players would bring Grandma Nettles with them, her immense power capable of fighting of Protectors of the Weave. But instead, they left Grandma Nettles with their patron, the Interloper, for whom they seemed to have grown fond of. So it was now the Lady of Pain decided to make herself known to the players, and they met with her directly, something few mortals ever do, and even fewer survive.

So immense is the Lady of Pain's power, that even looking upon her is dangerous. Anyone who sees her manifested form must make a constitution saving throw, and failure means cuts open up all over their body and begin to bleed. She has no statblock, and essentially is a high level reality manipulator. Within Sigil she can stop time, move instantly, reform the city at her whim, and essentially do anything. No being in the multiverse could threaten her here.

She first meets the players at the top of Arkanos' Villa. She needed the players to retain the ability to move linearly outside of Sigil so they could be of further use to her as agents in the multiverse. It was here she'd introduce the Xalatra questline, which I will get into in a post soon. Once that quest was completed, her full mission would come into focus. She wanted the players to retrieve Grandma Nettles, who is key in her plan to break Mechanus and free herself from Sigil. The Lady of Pain's abstract nature and detachment from most things made her difficult for the players to relate to, but they struck a bargain. In her absence, Sigil and all its power would be up for grabs. She would grant it to the Beeple Queen if in return for their help. She would even start to groom the Beeple Queen for the position, so long as the players remained cooperative.

The Lady of Pain cared not what happened to the Interloper, he was a mere distraction in her mind. But Grandma Nettles would be key to breaking Mechanus, and the players would first need to lay the groundwork for that to occur. The irony of all of this is the players may assume some master plan. Once the Lady of Pain is free will she rule the multiverse? Destroy it? Change it irrevocably? The truth is more mundane. She is finished. gathered the data she needed. She will simply leave.

The players of course could instead choose to side with Mechanus, becoming enemies of the Lady of Pain. Had they chosen this course, their first order of business would have been destroying the Interloper. From there, they'd put in place a plan to bind the Lady of Pain and use her energy to power Mechanus, ensuring its stability and dominance for eons to come. Of course, the players said “fuck the time police” and as a result are currenty in the late stages of a war with Mechanus that I will reveal in later posts.

But yes, Lady of Pain is an enigmatic Far Realm entity ready to go home. In terms of power level in my campaign, she probably ranks above all other entities. Primus hismelf isn't that powerful, it is the infratructure around himself he's built that multiplies his power so greatly. But in a one on one fight, The Man, Bahamut, Tiamat, Primus, and all the gods combined couldn't touch the Lady of Pain.

JOURNAL 22 octobre 2026

Ka chan a mangé avec nous. On a de la chance le temps permet qu’on s'entraîne dehors et c’est ce que je trouve le mieux. La tante de T chan est arrivée dans la matinée elle a une heure de voiture c'est bien. T était très heureuse les deux très émues aussi. Sa tante l'aime beaucoup, elle s’est toujours inquiétée pour elle avec ce père toxique dont elle s’est toujours méfiée, d'où l'éloignement de sa sœur. Elle a cru que T partie mise dehors pratiquement après une scène affreuse, on ne la retrouverait jamais, elle était morte d'inquiétude. Notre coup de téléphone l’a rendue folle de joie. Elle a convaincu la mère de lui confier T de toute façon son salaud de père n’en veut plus. En fait il est persuadé qu’elle n’ est pas sa fille. Vous voyez l'ambiance.

Cette tante est veuve, elle a entre quarante et cinquante ans, jamais eu d'enfant. Son mari lui a laissé de quoi vivre à l’aise, il était seul héritier d’une famille de commerçants. Elle vit de placements financiers. Elle nous a raconté tout ça pour nous rassurer, elle a tout de suite compris à quel point on serait attentives. Elle ne sait pas comment nous remercier, T lui a raconté qu'on l’avait sauvée d’un sale type ça l’a beaucoup impressionnée. La meilleure façon de nous remercier c’est d'aider T chan à devenir une adulte belle dans son âme et libre. Gros programme. Mais on lui a assuré qu’on l'aidera. Elle a gagné 8 grandes sœurs dans l'affaire, ça aussi ça a beaucoup impressionné la tante. Elle a l'air d'une bonne personne. On lui a rendu sa nièce sans crainte. Échange de téléphones puis adieux avec quelques larmes et très gros câlins 🥲 Sitôt arrivée T nous a appelées. — bien arrivée il y a un chat. Elle est heureuse 😍 on se reverra

#Tchan

---

Avec ça j'oublie que A avait rendez-vous au ministère, au sous sol. Elle a revu le type qui lui avait proposé la mission. Il lui a donné des instructions orales, comme moi, des conseils etc. On n’aura droit qu’aux bagages à main pas de valise, genre sac à dos sac de sport ça suffira. Des vêtements pratiques genre sport et chauds. Sur place on sera équipées selon les circonstances. On sera averties du départ la veille. On viendra nous chercher. À partir du 30 il faut qu’on soit prêtes à tout moment. D'ici là elle est dispensée de venir au ministère, et d’autres trucs pratiques et merci pour votre participation nous sommes conscients du service que vous acceptez de rendre au Japon. Même insistance sur le mot. Un détail important : on ne se munit pas de nos passeports, pas de papiers d'identité, ils s'en occupent. Au revoir madame. Poignée de main, pas d'inclinaison.

Puis elle est montée à son bureau pour prendre deux trois trucs. Elle a croisé les habituels collègues et tous y compris ses supérieurs la saluaient avec ce qui lui a semblé une nuance de respect. C’est très subtil l'art du salut au Japon, je lui ai donné des cours du soir, elle sait saisir des nuances très légères qui échappent à des occidentaux non formés et qui sont pleines de sens pourtant. Donc nous voici en vacances et libres comme l'air jusqu'au 30, après arrivera ce qui doit arriver… J'avoue un peu d'excitation et beaucoup de curiosité.

Maintenant ma chérie me tire par mon yukata, nous avons à faire, c’est privé.

#Ukraine

The chair that was eagerly awaited for so long remains underutilized, because we are back in the throes of the 1000mph club where I will likely stay until the end of the year.

Alas, settling into my old age will have to wait.

Chain used to hang my floorlamp has been replaced with a rope, which I think looks much nicer now.

Okay, back to work.

#journal

“Görünen bu, şimdilik: İki denizkestanesi; öyle yosunlu kayalara tutunmuş, suyun yüzeyine çok yakın. Tam böyle denilebilir mi acaba?” —Adalet Ağaoğlu, Ruh Üşümesi

“Kafasında binbir insan güzelliğiyle gezen birisi de agora arar, agora bulur. Aradığı agoraları bulabileceği sayılı kentlerden birisi İstanbul’dur. Sana doğup büyüdüğüm Kadıköy sokaklarından bahsedeceğim.” —Hulki Aktunç, İstanbul’u Bul Bana

“In this novel we are prompted to see how time works changes, transforming love into hate, beauty into ugliness, loyalty into treachery (…) ”

“Mahfouz gives us instead an evocation of what has happened to their features, their bodies, the looks in their eyes, the despair in their hearts.” —Naguib Mahfouz, Wedding Song, Tate