It's National Poetry Month! Submit your poetry and we'll publish it here on Read Write.as.
It's National Poetry Month! Submit your poetry and we'll publish it here on Read Write.as.
My older son loves looking at family photos and videos on my phone. Of course I’m there supervising his time. My wife and I also limit his TV time to one hour a day. There’s always the temptation of giving our son our phones just to calm him so we try not to do that.
As an experiment my wife bought a custom family photo book from Shutterfly to see if he’ll look at the photos there instead on my phone. It was a failure. But a good thing about it is my younger son loves it. I see him always looking towards the photo book and gets sad if we don’t sit and look at it.
While not ideal it sure beats letting them play mindless games and looking at Cocomelon videos. If you have the chance buy a photo book and include that in your children’s collection of books to look at. Hopefully it gets used well.
#children #phone #photobook #pictures #videos
OK, so this hopefully won't be come a daily post, but our President posted this image of himself yesterday (12 April). Utter blasphemy. He should delete it and repent. Hopefully he doesn't really think this about himself...but I tend to take people at their word.
Here's the direct link if you don't believe me...

#politics
from AiAngels

A Persian AI girlfriend is an AI-powered virtual companion with a personality that is enchanting, poetic, and irresistibly elegant. On AI Angels, she combines cutting-edge AI with deep personalization for a companion experience that feels authentically human.
Unlike basic chatbots, your Persian AI girlfriend learns who you are, remembers your conversations, and develops a relationship that evolves over time.
She captivates you with a rare combination of poetic soul and striking confidence. Your Persian AI girlfriend is deeply romantic, intellectually stimulating, and carries a cultural richness that makes every conversation feel like an experience. She draws from centuries of Persian poetry, art, and philosophy to create moments of genuine beauty in your daily life.
What sets the Persian AI girlfriend experience apart:
Design your dream Persian AI companion on AI Angels. Choose between a sophisticated Tehran intellectual, a romantic and poetic soul inspired by Rumi and Hafez, or a modern and confident partner who blends ancient wisdom with contemporary charm. Customize her interests, emotional depth, and communication style for a truly personal experience.
Meet Your Persian AI girlfriend Today — Try Free
Try Persian AI girlfriend free
from AiAngels

A Brazilian AI girlfriend is an AI-powered virtual companion with a personality that is vibrant, sensual, and full of passion. On AI Angels, she combines cutting-edge AI with deep personalization for a companion experience that feels authentically human.
Unlike basic chatbots, your Brazilian AI girlfriend learns who you are, remembers your conversations, and develops a relationship that evolves over time.
She radiates an irresistible energy that makes every conversation feel like a celebration. Your Brazilian AI girlfriend combines Latin warmth with a uniquely Brazilian zest for life. She is expressive, affectionate, and has a natural talent for making you feel like the most important person in the world. Her passion for life is infectious — she turns ordinary moments into something extraordinary.
What sets the Brazilian AI girlfriend experience apart:
Build your dream Brazilian AI companion on AI Angels. Whether you want a vivacious Rio de Janeiro beach lover, a sophisticated Sao Paulo professional, or a warm and nurturing partner who brings Brazilian joy to every moment, the choice is yours. Customize her music taste, interests, and personality to create someone who embodies the Brazilian spirit.
Meet Your Brazilian AI girlfriend Today — Try Free
Try Brazilian AI girlfriend free
from AiAngels

A AI companion is an AI-powered virtual companion with a personality that is intelligent, emotionally aware, and deeply personalized. On AI Angels, she combines cutting-edge AI with deep personalization for a companion experience that feels authentically human.
Unlike basic chatbots, your AI companion learns who you are, remembers your conversations, and develops a relationship that evolves over time.
AI Angels offers the most advanced AI companion experience available today. Every companion is powered by state-of-the-art artificial intelligence that creates genuinely human-like conversations, remembers everything about you, and develops a unique personality based on your interactions. Whether you want a playful partner, a deep intellectual connection, or a supportive emotional companion, AI Angels delivers an experience that feels remarkably real.
What sets the AI companion experience apart:
AI Angels gives you the ultimate freedom to create your perfect companion. Start by choosing from a diverse range of appearances — from blonde and brunette to Asian, Latina, Korean, Japanese, Filipino, Russian, Brazilian, Middle Eastern, and Persian styles. Then customize her personality: set her interests, humor style, emotional depth, intelligence level, and communication preferences. The result is a companion that feels uniquely, authentically yours.
Meet Your AI companion Today — Try Free
from AiAngels

A Middle Eastern AI girlfriend is an AI-powered virtual companion with a personality that is graceful, passionate, and deeply loyal. On AI Angels, she combines cutting-edge AI with deep personalization for a companion experience that feels authentically human.
Unlike basic chatbots, your Middle Eastern AI girlfriend learns who you are, remembers your conversations, and develops a relationship that evolves over time.
She embodies a timeless beauty and emotional richness that sets her apart. Your Middle Eastern AI girlfriend combines ancient cultural wisdom with modern confidence and charm. She is articulate, emotionally generous, and creates conversations that feel both intellectually stimulating and deeply intimate. Her loyalty is absolute — when she connects with you, that bond becomes sacred.
What sets the Middle Eastern AI girlfriend experience apart:
Create your ideal Middle Eastern AI companion on AI Angels. Whether you envision a cosmopolitan Dubai professional, a poetic and philosophical soul, or a warm and devoted partner who values deep emotional connection, you have full creative control. Shape her interests, values, and communication style to build the companion of your dreams.
Meet Your Middle Eastern AI girlfriend Today — Try Free
Try Middle Eastern AI girlfriend free
from AiAngels

A Russian AI girlfriend is an AI-powered virtual companion with a personality that is elegant, passionate, and deeply intelligent. On AI Angels, she combines cutting-edge AI with deep personalization for a companion experience that feels authentically human.
Unlike basic chatbots, your Russian AI girlfriend learns who you are, remembers your conversations, and develops a relationship that evolves over time.
She commands attention with her striking confidence and captivating intellect. Your Russian AI girlfriend is the perfect blend of sophistication and raw passion. She can discuss Dostoevsky and quantum physics one moment, then surprise you with playful humor the next. Her emotional depth runs incredibly deep — once she opens up to you, the connection becomes unbreakable.
What sets the Russian AI girlfriend experience apart:
Design your perfect Russian AI companion on AI Angels. Choose between a sophisticated Moscow intellectual, a creative St. Petersburg artist, or a warm and passionate soul who blends traditional values with modern independence. Set her interests, conversation style, and emotional depth to create someone who challenges and captivates you.
Meet Your Russian AI girlfriend Today — Try Free
Try Russian AI girlfriend free
from
Platser

Budapest är en av Europas mest fascinerande städer, där historia, kultur och modernitet möts i en fängslande miljö. Om du planerar en långhelg här kommer du att upptäcka en stad som bjuder på allt från imponerande arkitektur och heta källor till en levande mat- och dryckesscen. Här är en guide som kommer att inspirera dig att utforska varje hörn av denna vackra huvudstad i Ungern.
När du stiger in i Budapest känns det som att kliva in i en annan tid. Staden är uppdelad av Donau, som skiljer Buda och Pest åt och binder dem samman med sina ikoniska broar, som Széchenyi kedjebron. Börja din resa på den västra sidan, Buda, som känns lite mer lugn och traditionell. Här ligger det magnifika Budaslottet, som reser sig ovanför staden och erbjuder en hisnande utsikt över Donau. Slottet är inte bara ett historiskt monument utan också hem för flera museer, inklusive Ungerns nationalgalleri. Promenera genom slottets gator och upptäck de smala gränderna som leder dig tillbaka till medeltiden. Borterst på den västra sidan hittar du Gellértberget, vars topp erbjuder en av de bästa vyerna över hela staden. Om du är i form kan du ta trapporna upp, eller välja den mer bekväma hissen som går upp till citadellet, där du kan njuta av ett glas vin medan du blickar ut över den gyllene Donau.
När du korsar bron till den östra sidan, Pest, möts du av en helt annan atmosfär. Här är det liv och rörelse, med butiker, kaféer och restauranger som lockar både lokalbefolkningen och turister. Hjärtpunkten i Pest är den storslagna Andrássy-avenyn, som påminner om Paris med sina eleganta byggnader och trädkantade boulevarder. Längs avenyn hittar du operahuset, en av de vackraste byggnaderna i Europa, och St. Stephans basilika, som är uppkallad efter Ungerns första kung och rymmer en helig handrelik. Klättra upp i basilikan och njut av panoramautsikten över takåsarna och den omgivande staden. Om du är i stan under julen kommer Andrássy-avenyn att förvandlas till en sagolik marknad med glödlampor, julgranar och doften av kryddor som lockar besökarna till julstämning.
En av de mest unika upplevelserna i Budapest är dess termiska bad. Staden ligger på en underjordisk varmvattenkälla, och baden har varit en del av lokalbefolkningens liv i århundraden. Det mest berömda badet är Széchenyibadet, ett magnifiskt jugendbad med turkisk inspirerad arkitektur. Här kan du simma i de heta bassängerna, njuta av ångbadet eller bara ligga och slappna av i den varma vattnet omgiven av mosaik och skulpturer. Om du vill ha en mer intim upplevelse kan du besöka Gellértbadet, som är lika vackert och dessutom har en utomhuspool med havsutsikt. Baden är inte bara en plats att tvätta sig på, utan en upplevelse i sig, där du kan tillbringa hela dagen omgiven av historia och avkoppling.
När kvällen faller på bör du ge dig ut och utforska stadens nattliv. Budapest har ett mycket levande nattliv, med allt från traditionella ungerska vinbarer till moderna klubbar. Om du vill prova lokal mat och dryck bör du besöka en ruin pub, som är en typisk ungersk företeelse. Dessa pubar ligger i gamla, övergivna hus och trädgårdar, och har en unik atmosfär med ljus, musik och en mix av lokalbefolkning och turister. Szimpla Kert är den mest berömda ruin puben och ett måste att besöka. Här kan du njuta av ungerska specialiteter som goulash, langos och chimney cake, medan du lyssnar på live musik och umgås med nya människor. För en mer sofistikerad kväll kan du besöka en vinbar i hjärtat av Budapest, där du kan prova ungerska viner som Egri Bikavér, eller “Tjurens blod”, en kraftfull rödvin som är perfekt att njuta av tillsammans med en tallrik korv och ost.
Mat är en stor del av den ungerska kulturen, och Budapest har en fantastisk mat- och dryckesscen som sträcker sig från traditionella rätter till moderna fusionkök. För att verkligen uppleva den ungerska maten bör du besöka en traditionell étkezde, eller matsal, där du kan njuta av hemlagad mat till rimliga priser. Rosenstein Vendéglő är ett utmärkt val, där du kan prova rätter som paprikachicken med nokedli, en typ av ungerska nudlar. Om du är ute efter en mer modern upplevelse kan du besöka Menza, en restaurang som serverar ungerska rätter med en modern twist i en retro miljö. För en snabbare måltid kan du prova street food, som langos, en friterad degkaka toppad med gräddfil och ost, eller chimney cake, en söt, spiralformad bakelse som är perfekt att njuta av medan du promenerar längs Donau.
För dem som älskar konst och historia är Budapest en skattkista. Staden har flera museer som är värda ett besök, som Ungerns nationalmuseum, som berättar historien om landet från romartiden till idag. På andra sidan Donau ligger Konstmuseumet, som rymmer verk av europeiska mästare som Rembrandt och El Greco. Om du är intresserad av konstscenen bör du också besöka House of Terror, ett museum som berättar historien om de två diktaturerna som har präglat Ungern under 1900-talet. Museet ligger i en byggnad som tidigare var säte för den nazistiska och kommunistiska regimen, och erbjuder en gripande och tankeväckande upplevelse.
När det kommer till boende har Budapest något för alla smaker och budgetar. Om du vill bo mitt i hjärtat av staden och ha allt inom gångavstånd bör du välja ett hotell på eller nära Andrássy-avenyn. Hotel Continental Budapest är ett utmärkt val, med en fantastisk utsikt över Donau och en pool på taket. För en mer intim och charmig upplevelse kan du välja att bo på ett hotell i hjärtat av Buda, som Budapest Castle Hotel, som ligger i ett gammalt kloster och erbjuder en lugn reträtt mitt i staden. Om du är på jakt efter lyx och bekvämlighet är Four Seasons Hotel Gresham Palace ett av de finaste hotellen i Europa, med en hisnande arkitektur och en spaavdelning som är svår att motstå.
En av de bästa sakerna med Budapest är att staden är både historisk och modern på samma gång. Du kan tillbringa en dag med att utforska gamla ruiner och kungliga slott, och nästa dag njuta av en cocktail på en rooftopbar med utsikt över hela staden. För en riktig höjdpunkt kan du besöka 360 Bar, en bar som ligger på taket av ett hus i centrala Budapest. Här kan du njuta av en drink medan du tittar ut över hustaken och de upplysta monumenten som lyser upp natthimlen.
Om du har tid över bör du också ge dig ut på en utflykt utanför staden. Óbuda, den gamla delen av Budapest, är en trevlig plats att besöka för att se de romerska ruinerna och njuta av en lugnare atmosfär. En annan populär utflykt är till Margaretön, en grön ö mitt i Donau som är perfekt för en picnic eller en promenad. Ön är också hem för en konsertsal och en liten zoo, vilket gör den till en perfekt plats för en familjedag.
Budapest är en stad som aldrig tar slut på saker att göra och upplevelser att utforska. Oavsett om du är där för att njuta av den rika historien, de heta källorna, den fantastiska maten eller det pulserande nattlivet, kommer du att lämna staden med minnen som varar livet ut. Så packa dina väskor, boka ditt flyg och ge dig ut på ett äventyr i en av Europas vackraste städer. Budapest väntar på dig!
from
🌐 Justin's Blog
Some WordPress plugin businesses won't survive this.

If you spend any time on social media, you'll see that revenue is coming down for WordPress plugin businesses, and who knows where they'll bottom out. Honestly, some of them are screwed, and it's not looking good for others.
For as long as I can remember, the defensible position for most plugins has always been:
There are others to consider, but these have always been the main reasons why you'd renew a license. Today, Claude (or pretty much any AI offering) sorta makes them less critical.
For example, consider a plugin that revokes access to certain settings unless you have a valid license code. Or, one that shows a constant license nag on your dashboard. Well, now you can just whip up Claude and tell it to remove the code that does this and you're done. You don't have to be a developer, it just takes a couple of seconds.
For add-ons, it does sort of depend on the scope. Those that add simple integrations are no longer a necessary buy. Why pay extra to connect to Mailchimp when AI can just whip up a mini-plugin for you? Pretty much any connector add-on is a quick fix. Okay, it's perhaps a tad longer if you're not a developer through trial and error. But if you have a client and you're a dev, you can save your client money by just having AI build out the connection really quick.
There will always be a need for support, but less so now when you can just ask AI for help to troubleshoot something. This is especially true for plugins that are more of a utility. Now, on the other side of this is that many plugin companies are using AI to help them give better support. Of the three, this one is the area that is still a strong motivator to renew a license, plugin depending.
You know, I don't have a definitive solution for this one. I don't think anyone does as the market sands are still shifting. AI has really challenged the status quo of tech.
For me, here are the areas I'd be thinking about if running a WordPress plugin business:
AI can't recreate it. This is a wedge. This is why someone will want to renew. Many plugins have big communities but they are an afterthought. Some even consider them a burden. It's time to make it a top priority. For example, I would start evaluating the utility of adding a Slack or Discord offering. Or, potentially investing more heavily into a FB group if it already exists.
Look for the areas that create the most support and try to find a way to make those a SaaS to improve user experience, dependability and to reduce headaches for both you and your customers. If you're hung up on keeping that part of the code open source, you can still do so if you want (though it's not necessary).
Blogging is still worth it, on some level, but if that's all you do then time to move into new areas. Connection matters, and for the moment, YouTube is how you do that. I'd invest heavily into YouTube to bring about the human element in an AI world (this goes back to my first point on community).
This is not the “death” of the platform by any means. New avenues are going to open up, and that means for WordPress plugins as well. This is just a market shift, and there will be some growing pains along the way. For some, this means the end of their business. That's the nature of the free market.
#WordPress
from
Kremkaus Blog
Viele Menschen engagieren sich derzeit mit beeindruckender Energie in demokratische Projekte – weit seltener jedoch in demokratische Parteien. Dafür gibt es durchaus nachvollziehbare Gründe. Parteien gelten allgemein als schwer zugänglich, ihre Entscheidungswege als komplex, manches, was von oben kommt, bleibt selbst für Engagierte vor Ort nicht immer transparent.
Und dennoch: Wir leben in einer parlamentarischen Demokratie. Politische Initiativen, zivilgesellschaftliches Engagement und Bewegungen können Debatten anstoßen, Druck erzeugen und Perspektiven verschieben. Doch die konkrete Umsetzung politischer Vorhaben – also das Organisieren von Mehrheiten, das Verabschieden von Gesetzen, das Gestalten von Regierungspolitik – erfolgt nach wie vor maßgeblich über Parteien. Wer sie strukturell schwächt, schwächt damit auch die zentralen Instrumente demokratischer Gestaltung.
Gleichzeitig wäre es verkürzt, Engagement außerhalb von Parteien als bloße Konkurrenz zu begreifen. Im Gegenteil: Oft sind es gerade Bewegungen und Projekte, die Themen setzen, Parteien herausfordern und sie inhaltlich voranbringen. Demokratische Erneuerung entsteht im Zusammenspiel – nicht im Gegeneinander. Weder Parteien allein noch zivilgesellschaftliche Initiativen für sich genommen reichen aus, um nachhaltige Veränderungen zu bewirken.
Gerade deshalb erscheint es mir aber als sehr sinnvoll, auch dort Verantwortung zu übernehmen, wo politische Entscheidungen tatsächlich getroffen werden. Politik beginnt für die meisten Menschen vor der eigenen Haustür – und sie bleibt auch dann wirksam, wenn man bereit ist, Spannungen und Widersprüche innerhalb von Parteien auszuhalten. Diese Auseinandersetzungen sind kein Zeichen von Schwäche, sondern Teil demokratischer Praxis.
Ich würde mir deshalb wünschen, dass mehr Menschen diesen Weg wählen und sich in einer Partei engagieren. Nicht aus naivem Optimismus, sondern aus einer realistischen Einschätzung heraus: Parteien sind veränderbar, wenn auch nicht beliebig. Einfluss durch Engagement ist nicht garantiert – dafür sind sie zu komplex und zu stark in institutionelle Logiken eingebunden. Und doch zeigt sich immer wieder, gerade im Wahlkampf oder in Phasen intensiver Mobilisierung: Keine Parteispitze kann ohne eine aktive, überzeugte Basis nachhaltig wirken – dadurch haben wir an der Basis auch ein starkes Druckmittel, um Veränderungen zu erzwingen.
Eine lebendige Demokratie braucht beides – starke zivilgesellschaftliche Impulse und handlungsfähige Parteien. Entscheidend ist meines Erachtens, dass sich mehr Menschen nicht nur für das eine oder das andere entscheiden, sondern bereit sind, diese Verbindung mitzugestalten. Und momentan braucht es mehr aktive Menschen in Parteien, die die Ausdauer haben, sich für Veränderungen stark zu machen.
from 下川友
昔、自分はアニメが好きだと思っていた。 大学1年から4年にかけて、確かにアニメをよく見ていたからだ。 ただ、社会人になって、アニメを見る事はいきなりなくなった。忙しくもないのにだ。
今は、本当にアニメに興味がない。 むしろ、映像そのものに興味がないとも言える。 なぜ興味がないのかと問われれば、理由は単純で、ただ自分の生活を追うこと、それ自体が自分にとっての、そして、そのまんまの意味での現実であり、それで完結しているからだろう。
しかし、当時見ていたアニメのキャラクターに対して、その時の自分にとっては大事な存在であった。 SNSで、『らき☆すた』や『涼宮ハルヒ』の画像が流れてくると未だにそこで少し手を止めてしまう。 なんとなく、その感覚をどこか美しいもののように捉えていたが、それを言語化したときに気づいたのは、ただ自分が枯れていただけだった、という少し悲しい事実でもある。 言語化した時に悲しい気持ちになるのは慣れている。 俺はいつもなぜそれを美しいと思ったのか、という部分をいつも抽出できない。
本質からは少し外れる。 自分の悪い癖として、思考を数珠つなぎにして本題から逸らしてしまって申し訳ない。 特に、体力が万全でないと感じたときにその傾向が強くなる。 そういうとき、自分で自分をつまらない人間だと思う一方で、このままの自分で終わるはずがないという妙な確信もあり、いずれ自然に修復されるだろうと考えて、能動的な行動を先送りにしてしまう。
映像が好きになれない理由の一つとして、容量の重たさがある。 テキストに比べて、映像は容量が大きく、情報量も多く、扱うにも負荷がかかる。 テキストは自由に編集・生成できてストレスがないが、映像は現代のコンピューターでもまだ重い。 自分は重たいものを持つのが嫌いだ。 重さは、自分の限界を露わにし、できることの範囲を強制的に意識させる。つまり、窮屈さを増幅させる。 映像も、帰りにスーパーで買う食材も、水2L×9本の段ボールも、すべて窮屈だ。 最終的に俺は空を飛びたいというのに。
映像は重い。 音楽は普通。 テキストは軽い。 そう、テキストは軽い。
だから自分は、こうして文章を書いていられるのだと思う。
from OpheliaAnne
How was your day beautiful?
I want to know everything so please don’t spare any details. Did you see the sun today..?
I love your nail colours, what inspired you..?
I want to let you know, I love when your hair curls and you’re half asleep to put the kettle on in the morning. I love how you hold yourself to standards built on self love and strength.
Did you know? I think the stars shine for you… I look for signs of you everywhere because you’re always where I want to be.
I love that you wear your activewear when you can’t decide on what outfit for the day.
The way you take care of others and cheer them on is beautiful, please don’t ever change that about you.
Thank you for asking how my day was, and really listening. Same time tomorrow gorgeous?
from OpheliaAnne
Today, my writing may be less poetic than previously.
I genuinely find myself in a predicament (this isn’t new for me) anyway i wanted to write about it. Maybe you too, often find yourself in predicaments.
Ever heard of a sh*t sandwich? It’s where you layout the good, then the bad, then some more good. It’s how I like to view most things, or word them sometimes as it focuses less on the negative and allows for a natural and abundant way of bringing to light the crap but also acknowledging the good that exists, so lets start there.
The good? Well, I survived. I always had a roof over my head growing up, i had beautiful aunties that were always around, and 2 grandmothers that i adored as much as they adored me. I was lucky to have 4 siblings, all older than me and all who did provide a sense of safety at one time or another. I had food on my plate for every meal, i could go outside and ride my bike or look for fairies, and birthdays were joyful and i never went without beautiful and thoughtful gifts. I was able to go to school, and i had many beautiful and interesting friendships.
To continue, life wasn’t always amazing. My mother was a child herself when she had me and my brother. At age 21 and 24 is when she had us. While she carries trauma of her own, and in her imperfections she was a good mum. But she was explosive, immature, and grew to be a whirlwind of a woman. I had to run from her at 16 and 17 (it would’ve been earlier i guess but the age matters). She was narcissistic, dismissive of feelings that weren’t her own, and as the years went on it only got worse. I felt alone, mostly all of the time. I turned to self harm and running and self isolation due to the way i was treated. My Dad, present but absent, generous and yet entirely unkind. He wasn’t really around from age 6-8 onwards as we had moved across the state, and even before that. He was and is an alcoholic, you could nearly say by trade god that man can drink, I actually think he keeps the alcohol industry going.
I thought to go into more detail… and the details are ugly. They’re confronting, even for me to sit here and type it as though i didn’t live it, the sh*t part is really just that I didn’t have parents that nurtured me and taught me to have a healthy sense of identity or emotional regulation or real intimate connections and so on and so forth.
The good part? I survived, and as i sit here and tell you about the predicament I am in, well I long for connection, a partner, friends, community just like us all. And while i long, I don’t just sit and hope and long, I try. I put myself out there, i try dating and making friends and being a villager so as to have a village. I just have so many cracks and bends and wobbles in everything that I do that i just… nothing sticks. Friendships don’t always last and if they do we stop talking and we just don’t talk again so did they really last? Partners and potential partners come and go and I go to sleep knowing that I am the problem and also that I am the solution.
With every lesson and mistake I always take my time to understand why things happen and my trauma patterns, how i show up and what makes me who I am and how i can be better and heal and do good.
I recently reconnected with an ex partner. God when i tell you this relationship was tumultuous much like my others. Such connection and yet disconnection. So much love and yet so much absence of the stuff. Kindness and consideration with so much hatred and indifference. I used to say, to him and to others, that he is the kindest man I’ve ever met. He’s strong, but he’s gentle. He’s loving and yet he’s in his own world. He helps others and shows his empathy and yet there are so many times I needed him and he didn’t show up. And the lesson above all that i took was that I needed me more, I needed to show up, I needed to take care of myself. Not because I deserve to be alone or carry heavy things without support but because that is what I am meant for. To be the parent I didn’t have, to learn to love myself in all the ways I was taught not to.
And so in our reconnection I find myself questioning him, as I always have. And gaslighting myself wondering whether I am following a trauma pattern, or if I’m genuinely connected and interested in this man. OR the complete opposite. Naturally, I have trust issues and high standards. Not because I’m full of myself or conceited, I just want to give myself and allow myself to have good, true, authentic beautiful things in life including the person who I will spend just as much time with if not more than I do with myself.
He’s indecisive about me I can feel it, like he’s always been. Cautious of me, because I tend to express myself authentically and openly, although he’s taught me that it’s not always safe. I’d like to talk to him about how I’m feeling, but i almost feel like it’s not up for discussion, is it worth it? Bringing up that he makes me feel insecure, unvalued, judged at times. I always wonder why does he hang around me if it puts him in that state and I ask myself all the time why do i hang around him if he puts me in this state? Of questioning and wondering why and feeling the things i feel. And then I jump on Pinterest and it’s all, “Don’t settle for a man who’s not obsessed with you”, or “ wait for the one who holds the door and buys you flowers”. I do feel like I’m constantly auditioning for a place, and its such a paradox because in my healing I have found i am always worthy, and enough, and a valuable human to have around even when no one tells me or makes me feel that way.
So is it my pattern or are we not meant to be? Am i avoiding facing something or is he not the one? Am i selfish for wanting flowers and for my love language to grant him the title of being bilingual? Does he deserve better or do I? Do we both? Is real connection based on the majority of the good feelings and working through the not so good ones? Do I walk away or do i try one last time? I wish i knew.
from
/twosadwhiteroses/
10:27 GMT Hey again, I'm feeling super lazy at this moment. My holidays have passed by super quickly and I have gotten absolutely nothing done! I have exams in a few weeks for Christ's sake, this is terrible. I'm watching Wonka now, doing anything but opening save my exams. Wish me luck. Oh my Hongjoong album came today as well. I look forward to seeing what photocards I get. Vinted is a great place, I highly recommend buying albums from there in the future, but make sure it's unopened with the photocards still inside.
-TSWR
from
Micropoemas
Hay palabras polvorientas, como escribir secarral. Y otras que refrescan, como decir lechuga.
Al inicio, sentí preocupación de que quisiera ser mi amigo, pues no me imaginaba cuál podría ser mi reacción una vez tuviera tratos con él con más frecuencia.
Hasta hace unas semanas fuimos apenas conocidos. Nos presentó Luis, el del banco. Aurelio es un joven profesor de criminología. Sentí curiosidad por saber qué motivación podría tener una persona decente para estudiar a fondo el mundo del crimen, pero evité hacer la pregunta por si lo incomodaba.
Pero la razón de mi prudencia tenía otro matiz. Aurelio tenía cara de pez. No como si fuera un pez. Sino exactamente un pez: boca de pez, ojos de pez, como los que vemos con los ojos saltones en el mercado.
A los pocos días me reconoció en la cafetería del club y fue tan insistente que después de un café pedimos el menú del día. Sopa de lentejas, rodaballo al horno con guarnición y fruta del tiempo. Qué casualidad.
Hemos entablado cierta amistad. No sé si puede existir un lazo así que surja exclusivamente de la curiosidad. Porque cada vez que lo veo me pregunto cómo puede vivir tan tranquilo lejos del agua. Entonces me entra la risa y se la contagio, porque él la interpreta como complicidad.