even when my past holds me back when fear gets in the way i can choose happiness i deserve it i will choose happiness

Friday 2024-12-20

Prayers, etc.: * 03:30 – Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel * 06:00 – praying The Angelus * 06:30 – praying the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Holy Rosary, followed by the Memorare. * 07:45 – Readings from today's Mass include – Epistle: Isa 11:1-5 and Gospel: Luke 1:39-47 * 09:00 – praying to Atone for Rome's 2025 Jubilee Mascot. * 11:30 – Thought for today from Archbishop Lefebvre: There are good occasions to practice detachment: a lost object that we loved, a letter that never comes, a place we have to leave, detachment from objects, from creatures, but also from “our own ideas.” * 12:00 – praying The Angelus * 16:30 – prayerfully reading The Athanasian Creed, followed by today's Daily Meditation found in Benedictus Magazine. * 18:00 – praying The Angelus * 20:15- praying the hour of Compline for tonight according to the Traditional Pre-Vatican II Divine Office, followed by Fr. Chad Ripperger's Prayer of Command to protect my family, my sons, my daughter and her family, my granddaughters and their families, my great grandchildren, and everyone for whom I have responsibility from any demonic activity. – And that followed by the Friday Prayers of the Association of the Auxilium Christianorum.

Health Metrics: * bw= 215.61 lbs. * bp= 150/79 (65)

Diet: * 06:00 – 1 banana, 1 pb&j sandwich * 12:15 – 1 ham & cheese sandwich * 15:00 – ice cream sandwich * 16:45 – 1 can of V8 juice

Chores, etc.: * 04:00 – listen to local news talk radio * 05:00 – bank accounts activity monitored * 09:30 to 11:30 – 2 hrs. of yard work, mowing and raking the front yard. * 12:30 – reading and dozing * 18:00 – local news and weather * 18:30 – listening to Notre Dame's pregame show for tonight's NCAA football, IU vs Notre Dame, but “due to broadcast restrictions” this game can't be streamed. Anywhere. It can only be watched over pay stations that I don't subscribe to.

Chess: * 06:15 – moved in all pending CC games

posted Friday, 2024-12-20 ~20:30 #DLDEC2024

On navigue.

Les voiles tendues

De nos rivages connus

On est partis

On navigue

Chacun faissant son quart

L'autre voyageant intérieurement en guise d'abandon pour tout repos.

On navigue sans boussole

Au gré du vent qui pousse nos cœurs a s'ouvrir toujours plus quoi qu'il arrive.

On navigue depuis si longtemps

Que c'est sur, les eaux qui nous entourent son inconnu a chacun de nous

on navigue dans cet inconnu avec joie

Émerveillés comme deux enfants qui apprennent chaque jour a Aimer Aimer..

On navigue avec un vent qui peut souffler sur toute l'humanité a condition que l'on sache tendre l'oreille du cœur. Car ce vent se nomme Zéphir d'amour.

Each day since the wife left on her vacation has been a day of adjustment here.

This day was very productive: I made good progress in the two projects I'd set for today: spending 2 hours at yard work, mowing and raking the front yard; and reassigning one of my regular billings to a new credit card which will make budgeting the 1st few months of 2025 easier to handle.

Tonight I'll be listening to college football, IU vs Notre Dame.

posted Friday, Dec 20, 2024 at 6:05 PM #QNDEC2024

This post is nothing special, no details or something, just a post that I'm happy with being done. The move was just a simple rewrite of the styles. No fancy tools used. Just transferred the styles one by one. So you could stop reading here. 😅

I'm just happy, after some months, that I'm now done with it. Started with it at the end of July. It was not just rewrite the styles, I also improved them. While doing the rewrite, I also added translations and error pages. The error pages were the main reason why I started it. I've had enough of writing vanilla-extract styles and wanted back to TailwindCSS. Not that VE is bad, I'm just happier with TW and makes fun to write.

Here is a little sneak peek of the redesign. Left is the old one, right the new:

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63 of #100DaysToOffload

#log #webdev

Thoughts?

Cöda – 1001

ik kwam er achter dat je beter niet achter de waarheid kunt blijven staan dat je gewoon iedere dag met de leugenstroom mee moet gaan door al mijn buigen, meegeven en barsten ben ik nu uiterst bekwaam in vreselijk domme dingen doen in iemand anders opmerkelijker naam ter ere van zijn of haar grootverdienende maar onverdiende faam anders verlies ik het recht op een krom getrokken omloop troost baan

tegen beter weten in doe ik ieder etmaal wat ik eigenlijk moet laten daardoor eindigen voor mij onbekende mensen met een lijf vol gaten gaten die talrijke sporen in vele daarop volgende levens nalaten geeneen daarvan kun je ongedaan maken door erover te praten m'n slecht zet ik om in goed door niet te meten met twee maar vele maten en zo bescherm ik mezelf en vooral des huidige heersers nazaten

je moet gewoon al t slechte voor jezelf en anderen blijven doen dan vang je tenminste elke week een fatsoenlijke zak met zwijg poen en dan 's avonds kijk ik televisie en de kinderen zetten een te grote schoen en ik hoef me hier niet voor te schamen dit is ons algemeen fatsoen we doen gaarne niks anders meer dan dingen die we niet willen doen en dra jij hier ook zo over denkt krijg je van mij een lonende nachtzoen

slaaf lekker

namens Dracu Lama

Lydia's Weekly Lifestyle blog is for today's African girl, so no subject is taboo. My purpose is to share things that may interest today's African girl.

This week's contributors: Lydia, Pépé Pépinière, Titi, this week's subjects: The convertible future of fashion is now, Accra Fashion Week 2024 (AFWK24), Stylists, and Malaria is up by 4.3 %

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The convertible future of fashion is now. Reversible Clothing has become a staple for those embracing the convertible trend. From tops to dresses, from trousers to jackets or to handbags depending on the weather, place or mood, the ability to wear a piece in two different ways not only maximizes your wardrobe but also adds an element of surprise to your outfits. Look for reversible designs that incorporate contrasting colors or patterns, allowing you to switch your look without needing to change your entire outfit. Tips for Styling: – Choose a reversible top with a bold print on one side and a solid hue on the other for maximum versatility. – Layer with versatile outerwear to create a cohesive look that can adapt from day to night. Convertible Jewelry: Jewelry is no longer just an afterthought; it’s become an essential means of self-expression, and convertible jewelry is leading the charge. Pieces that can be transformed—like necklaces that can be worn as bracelets, or earrings that can be adapted from studs to dangly accents—allow fashionistas to mix and match according to their mood. Accra Fashion Week 2024 (AFWK24) takes place this coming weekend at Ghana Dubai, Circle Roundabout, Accra for the 11th time. Kudos to the organizer, Nana Tamakloe, who managed to have this show yearly, sometimes twice yearly, and after a few years this show started to get international recognition, with 9 foreign designers showcasing this year. Pity that the Ghana Fashion World is still at loggerheads with itself and no one coordinates with no one, rather competes, sometimes undermines. Senegal on the other hand has its act together, with Dakar Fashion Week running its 22nd year with 2500 attendees, and other shows, like the Dakar Art Biennale coinciding with it, rather than competing with it. The result of this collaboration is a high foreign attendance and broad articles in magazines like Vogue with titles like “African Fashion is Innovative, Spontaneous and Unpredictable”. 2 Years ago Chanel held its Metier d'Art show during Dakar Fashion Week, putting Dakar even more onto the map. Ghana, when oh when.

Stylists. I recently visited several events, some supposedly high-end, and it is sad to say that too often ladies spend good money on poor dressing. In simple terms, their dresses are too wide or too tight, they have the wrong shoes or bags, non-matching styles and colours, and so forth. Not every person can be a musician, a teacher, or a saleswoman, and if you can accept that, then also accept that not everybody is a stylist. Don't listen to the girl in the shop who will always say you made a very good choice, no matter what you choose. Rather take a (male?) friend who dresses well and tells you in your face that something does not fit or suit you and helps you to choose the right thing to go with the right thing. Or pay for a stylist. Assuming your total outfit and hair and nails for that day cost you 1200 GHC (or 450 GHC for thrift), then spending 250 or so on a stylist (and learning from him/her at the same time) is not a bad investment.

Malaria is up by 4.3 %. If we take off the population growth of about 1.9% then that's a real increase of about 2.4%. Why? I think we care less, there are medicines, so we don't do the sanitary anymore like clearing out gutters and old car tyres and all those places where mosquitoes like to breed. When was the last time they came to inspect your compound? But we are overlooking 2 things. All medicines have side effects, sometimes little and short-lived, sometimes long-lasting. Like anxiety, depression and hallucinations, heart rhythm disorders and liver damage for the artesunate and artemether-based treatments. And then there's the children. In 2020, 40,000 children under 5 years old died in Ghana. It is not clear how much of that is because of malaria, but at least a third, I would think. And that figure is 4.3 % up, or an extra 570 children dying of malaria. Still don't care? Anyway, the chance of your under 5 dying of malaria is about 15 per 1000. Your chance of getting involved in a car accident is about 30 per 1000, a little more.

Hotel food. Generally I prefer to eat in a good restaurant whose sole objective is to provide good food, rather than in a hotel which divides its attention over rooms, swimming pools, events, bars and food. In some cases, they only provide some of such services because they have to. But things are changing, and the bigger hotels are now putting more effort into Sunday buffets and breakfasts. A friend of mine has done all the bigger hotel Sunday buffets and rates Labadi Beach Hotel as best, (No. 1 La Bypass) followed by Lancaster (former Golden Tulip, Independence Avenue). Personally I recently had a snack in the Lancaster, a huge croissant, bigger than a king-size prawn, it could have served as a complete lunch. A croissant normally is just baked, with still a bit of the flour taste in it, call it under baked, or al dente. Tasty, but because of its size I ended up eating the equivalent of half a loaf of undercooked bread, and my stomach ended up protesting. I'll try their meat pie next time.

Lydia...

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Boxless

I search for boxes. Everywhere I go — corners, edges, lines, shapes. Is this mine?

I slip inside, curl up, press my back to the walls, breathe in the temporary comfort of containment.

But soon, something aches. The shape is wrong. The air is stale.

I stretch my limbs, and the walls press back. This is not my box. I crawl out, empty again, lost in the open air, asking: Is there a box for me?

I wander through fields, touching the earth, asking the wind if it knows my shape. The trees do not answer, but the birds understand —

I hear their songs of freedom, melodies that do not need cages. I envy their flight. But I am bound, trapped between passion and silence, fierce behind a pen, feral behind a keyboard.

In words, I roar, I rage, I become storms and wildfires, a predator unafraid.

But in the flesh, I shrink. I cower beneath glances, pull shadows over my face, my voice a trembling leaf.

Do not look at me — I do not have a face. Only fragments, pieces scattered, never whole.

What is this passion for, if no one hears it? If my words dissolve like mist? I scream into the page, a wolf howling at a paper moon, but the world sleeps through my cries.

I belong to the wild — the lost creatures, the untamed winds, the spaces where nothing needs a name.

I do not fit in frames or labels, do not thrive in boxes, I cannot breathe in expectations. I am passion and emptiness, everything and nothing.

I seek form, but find only fog. Boxless, faceless, but burning.

I will not be caged. I will not be tamed. I am here, a whisper in the trees, a shadow on the wind, a voice you will feel

Even if you never see me.

I Am Fog; I Want to Be Seen

I want to be seen, to matter, to carve my existence into the world, to leave behind echoes so loud they shatter the silence.

But I am fog — a soft invasion, a ghostly drift with no edges, no boundaries, no core to grasp.

I spread myself thin, seeping into cracks, filling spaces where no one asked me to be. Hovering on the edge of perception, a chill you feel but cannot name.

I ache to be known, for someone to pierce the mist, to find the trembling pulse inside the haze. But when eyes linger, the fog thickens, the chill deepens, and I retreat — afraid of being too much, afraid of being nothing at all.

I dissolve under scrutiny, evaporate when touched. The closer you get, the less I exist. See me, but don’t trap me. Know me, but don’t hold me.

I drift between contradictions — a wish and a fear, a presence and an absence, burning with the need to matter, choking on the belief that I don’t.

I long to change the world, but what is fog to the landscape? What impact does mist leave on mountains? I settle on everything, but alter nothing.

I am there, then gone, a memory, that barely lingers. Lost in my own diffusion, I search for a shape, a frame, a core of me — but everything slips, melts, evaporates.

I hover in the gray, where light and shadow mix, where direction fades, where every step is a guess, and nothing leads home.

I want to matter, to step out of the blur, to scream my presence into the world — but my voice disperses, a breath swallowed by the endless void.

I am fog, wrapped in longing, cloaked in fear. Everywhere, yet nowhere, seen, yet unseen.

Searching, always searching, for something solid, something real, a clearing where I can finally condense into a self that holds, into a shape that stays.

But the mist is endless.

And I am lost within it.

I See You

I see you— not like the world does, not the you that they applaud for being strong, for getting up, showing up, never giving up.

I see the you who aches in quiet, the weight you carry that no one can see, like imprints etched deep within your bones.

I see you— in the grind of your jaw when the day feels endless, in the fire behind your eyes when you dream of what could be, of what will be. I hear the whispers of your wants, those wild, unspoken desires that hide behind your steady voice.

You think you’re subtle. You think the world only sees the provider, the protector, the one who holds everything together. But I see you, who dances in silence, who laughs with abandon when the weight slips off just for a second.

I see your joy, that rare flash of it, sharp and sudden, like a comet streaking across a dark sky. I see your doubt, your hesitation that you keep chained beneath your ribs, where no one is allowed to look.

But I look. I look, and I see it all. And you — you are more than muscle, more than duty, more than that quiet grit that the world Mistakes you for.

I see your soul. The wild, pulsing, vulnerable core of you, the part that wants to be free, the part that aches to build a life not just of survival, but of wild, reckless, unapologetic living.

I see you. And it inspires me. Every. Single. Day.

Because what I see— the full, messy, glorious you— is more than the world can ever know. And that’s my gift, the one you didn’t ask for, but the one I give freely:

I see you. And I love the you that you don't recognize.

After news of Donald Trump's impending victory was confirmed, people began abandoning X for more favorable pastures. Many of those folks ended up joining the Atmosphere on Bluesky in November.

Bluesky, an alternative social media platform to X — formerly known as Twitter — has experienced a large surge in users as Democrats, including a number of prominent figures on the left, announced their departure from the social media network owned by Elon Musk in the wake of the presidential election.

Nearly 1 million users have signed up for Bluesky each day over the past week as the social networking website thrives in the wake of a liberal exodus from X.

Many users either quitting X or deactivating their accounts cited a “toxic” or “disturbing” environment, in part blaming Musk's leadership and promotion of certain political stances. (The Hill)

Although their growth was initially explosive after the election, Bluesky's rise has slowed down as of late, as the site has plateaued according to the latest stats (props to colesantiago on Hacker News for locating this link).

According to MUNIN stats, Bluesky is averaging around 14 million monthly active users, with about three million of those being active daily users.

Compare & contrast that with Threads, whose monthly & daily stats are 21 & 33 times larger, respectively.

Threads strong momentum continues — now 300M+ monthly actives and 100M+ daily actives 💪 (via @zuck@threads.net on Threads

Threads now has 300M monthly actives and 100M daily actives. A big thank you to this rapidly growing community — we're making something special together, and we'll focus on making it even better next year. (via @mosseri@threads.net on Threads)

A little over a month ago, Bluesky rocketed to first place in the App Store (in the United States 🇺🇸) according to AppFigures.

A month later, Bluesky has surprisingly fallen out of the top 100 app downloads for iPhone (Bluesky is listed as 148 according to AppFigures), & is not even listed in the top 200 apps for Android devices.

Meanwhile, Threads (in the United States 🇺🇸) has maintained its place within the top ten in the App Store (currently in fourth place as of this post) and Android (in 10th place on Google Play), respectively.

Note: X surprisingly has maintained its presence within the top 100 apps (they previously were not even listed), having secured the 46th spot on the App Store & the 66th spot in Google's Play Store for Android, respectively.

What Can Bluesky Do To Challenge Threads & X‽

Bluesky lacks the financial resources to compete against Threads or X, as both behemoths are backed by billions of dollars.

However, Bluesky seems to be carving a niche within progressive circles, & the site should actively court politicians, athletes, influential artists & businesses dissatisfied with X & Meta.

Since Bluesky lacks Threads ties to Trump or X's enthusiastic support for the once & future President, the blue butterfly 🦋 should flex its wings on Inauguration Day (January 20th, 2025) to those who desire an alternative social network to call home.

Last but not least, Bluesky needs to figure out a way to quickly embrace true decentralization, as the reports of them being decentralized are not accurate.

Note: Bluesky would be wise to convince more prominent players like @wordpressdotcom@threads.net, @ghost@threads.net & @flipboard@flipboard.social to integrate Atmosphere within their respective platforms before @threads@threads.net & @flipboard@threads.net fully embrace ActivityPub for their massive user bases.

Once the latter two fully embrace the Fediverse (ActivityPub style), hundreds of millions of users will ignore the Atmosphere altogether, reducing Bluesky to a singular decentralized node.

I wanted to say that I struggle with distilling myself down into a word or an identity, but I think maybe the opposite is true. I think I fixate on a specific term that I think I should be and I inevitably fall short of that and I just beat myself up about it. I've never thought about it like this but I guess I do that for the term happy. I feel a little bit alone and I feel like I haven't been perfectly happy as I'm kind of stressed even though I'm on vacation with my friends for the first time ever. I keep beating myself up because I'm not enjoying it as much as I think I should be and I feel like it's a waste. I guess I don't think there's any middle ground between happy or depressed I'm so afraid of the latter.

Storms and waves on every side But Jesus says, “no need to hide” only in a still, small voice can we hear the whispers of Christ

Oh! clang and noise of war! and our wounds so sore! “where is God?” we cry helplessly but Jesus says, “I'm in the boat, with thee”

“do you believe – wind and sea obey me – or, do you crave – even more faith – ?”

as wise elders say: the greatest thing you can learn is to love and be loved in return

credits

1. Picture by Rembrandt, (1633). Christ in the storm on the lake of Galilee.
2. Lyrics popularised by Nat King Cole, in the song, titled “Nature Boy” (1948): The greatest thing you'll ever learn / is just to love / and be loved in return.

#poems

C'est en XXIII que tout a commencé, Une première sacro-sainte année, Un très long toboggan dans lequel je me suis laissé glisser. Il n'avait de cesse de tourner, et moi, je n'ai pas su freiner.

Dans une spirale, je me suis enfermé, Pas de sable ou de tapis pour me réceptionner. C'est en XXIV qu'en psychiatrie je vais être ramassé, À la petite cuillère, comme il est d'usage de le souligner. Tel un puzzle usagé, un baril de Lego désordonné, Une poupée dans une crèche, privée d’un membre, d’un œil, de sa dignité.

Depuis ma chute, j'ai passé un temps fou à tout raconter, Comme un disque rayé, je revis une G.A.V. : Répéter inlassablement comment tout a vrillé, Les faits, les dates... Tout finit par se mélanger. C'est parfois à se demander si je n'ai pas tout imaginé.

Je suis un foutu polytraumatisé. Le genre de gars qui n'a pas encore tout résolu, Ni sa mélancolie, ni son instabilité, Le genre de gars plein d'aigreur, qui a encore du mal à digérer son vécu.

XXV sera peut-être l'année où tout va se résoudre, Je n'aurai plus besoin d'en découdre, Je n'aurai plus de grain à moudre, Je n'en aurai plus rien à foutre.

L'année où l'apaisement va me recouvrir, Tel une couverture de survie, pour que mon esprit ait moins à souffrir. A force de médiquer, mes synapses vont s'ouvrir, De la vie à nouveau, j'espère jouir.

La fin de l'année arrive, si j'en fais le bilan, il est positif quoi que j'en dise. Je prend assez de médicaments, pour être forcé d'arrêter la tise, Le vin et la bière 0,0 c'est tellement crasse, c'est tellement fade, c'est tellement lisse, Que les fêtes sont garanties sans bêtises.

Je reste encore hors de contrôle, je ne suis pas la sagesse incarnée, Mais d'après ceux qui surveillent ma geôle, ma geôle dorée, C'est une question de temps — un temps que je vais compter. Des Alpes, je suis passé aux Monts d'Arée : La courbe de mon humeur continue d'onduler, Mais ses oscillations sont plus lissées, Finis les sommets pointus sur lesquels le vent peut hurler.

Je suis atteint par un trouble de l'humeur, Je commence à l'accepter, la clef du bonheur ?