from Tawsert's notes

Many months ago, every kind of dream was still possible.

But today, I have given away every one of them since I cannot compete with my own failure.

Who wants to take them? Right before I quit?

I am giving away everything for free now that I am not worth anything.

If only I could go back and use my stamina differently... if one thing had changed, I would have made it... one solid step closer to happiness, not a hundred staircases away... with each one being destroyed every day.

It's a countdown I didn't expect — I thought countdowns were biological, but I am running on the battery of wanting to live. And it runs out so critically fast.

 
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from Dallineation

I have gone to Mass several times with my mother and step-father. But yesterday I attended my first Catholic Mass by myself. Here are my thoughts and observations.

I decided to go to the Saturday 5pm Mass. Although I am not Catholic, I have learned enough to know that Saturday evening Mass satisifes the Catholic obligation to attend Mass every Sunday. Sundays are complicated for me right now, as I am still attending Latter-day Saint meetings and the times for my ward overlap with the 10am Sunday Mass times at my local Catholic Parish.

I wanted to go early. I was anxious and I wanted to have time to find my seat and settle down a bit – to direct my attention heavenward. I live only a five minute drive from the parish (what are the odds of that in Utah?). I left at 4:30pm.

A small chorus of seven women along with two guitarists and one pianist were singing through some of the songs that I later learned would be sung during the Mass. It was lovely music and set a familiar tone, as I am used to prelude music being played before LDS sacrament meetings.

The building was constructed in 2005, so while the nave (or what LDS would call the chapel where the pews and such are) is not very ornate like an older Catholic church might be, it feels like a sacred space and it is peaceful.

I watched people come in and bow, genuflect, and/or make the sign of the cross before taking their seats. I recognized a couple of men who have been helping to teach the inquiry and pre-catechumen classes I have been attending at the parish. Oh yeah...I should probably write a post about that development, haha.

Before the services, a woman made some announcements. At one point she was interrupted by loud feedback from the sound system as mics were turned on – I just cringed with everyone else and smiled as I have lost track of how many times we have had sound issues in LDS sacrament meetings.

The Mass was lovely. I noticed the priest sang – or chanted as it is probably more accurate to say – certain parts of the mass, and the congregation would sing in reply. This is different from the Masses I have attended before.

Although I didn't always know what to say or sing at many points during the service, I followed a long as best I could. I am hoping that, as I get used to the form of the Mass and how things work, I will be able to pay more attention to the spiritual aspect.

The officiating priest this time was the priest from the Newman Center up at the university. He gave a lovely homily on sacrifice – how everything we have is from God and how we should sacrifice or offer a little of that back. And that when we do, God turns around and makes something amazing out of what we offer. He likened it to the Holy Eucharist – how, as Catholics affirm, during the Mass, the bread and wine become the body and blood of Jesus Christ. We offer the bread and wine, and God makes something amazing out of it. He asked us to consider “what am I offering?” I have been reflecting on that.

There were several opportunities for the congregation to sing during the Mass, and they had hymn numbers posted and hymnals. This is also something I wasn't used to – the main parish my parents attend is very large and rather than hymnals, they have screens that show lyrics for the songs. It was nice to be able to see notes so I could more easily follow along with the music. But I noticed that while I was trying to read the music, I wasn't paying attention to what was happening at the altar. Not everyone was singing, I suspect, for that reason. They were observing what was happening at the altar.

There were people of all ages and various ethnicitities. Lots of elderly folks, but there were also middle-age people like me, and a few families with young children. I expect Sunday Mass has the most in attendance – I hope to experience one of those soon.

Another thing I noticed: I didn't see a single smartphone. I saw people reading from physical copies of missals and hymn books and such. There might have been a few phones out, but I didn't see any. This is different from LDS meetings in my area where electronic devices are near ubiquitous. Speaking as one who has allowed myself to be distracted by my phone at church in the past, I decided before going to Mass that I would bring my phone but would not take it out once during the service. It was refreshing to see others doing the same.

After Mass, the gentlemen who teach the inquiry class came up to me and said hello. We chatted briefly and then I went home.

This was a big step for me. But I have been taking a lot of those lately.

I went to Mass by myself for the first time, but I wasn't alone. I saw many people who wanted to be in the presence of Jesus Christ and worship together. I am glad I went.

#100DaysToOffload (No. 169) #faith #Christianity

 
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from Midus

![Morning Sun in the Rearview Mirror](https://i.snap.as/HiXf4GDL.webp)

Publicat la 17 februarie 2017

Se întâmplă rar să mă trezesc dis de dimineață atunci când nu sunt de serviciu. Rar e mult spus; mă trezesc extrem de rar atât de devreme. Astăzi e una din acele zile. M-am trezit și nu am mai putut adormi. Un gând interesant a încolțit în mintea abia deșteptată: să mă dau jos din pat și să văd cât de departe ajungi când te trezești atât de devreme! Toate bune și frumoase până am primit următoarea replică: „asta nu o poți vedea într-o singură zi!”…

 
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from Midus

![In aer](https://i.snap.as/Dp4QQmJV.png)

Publicat la 10 februarie 2017

Perspectivele se schimbă când privești din aer.

Sau:

Perspectivele se schimbă când privești… de sus.

Cea de-a doua variantă este inspirată de prima, în combinație cu frumusețea limbii române, frumusețe care uneori joacă feste și ne trimite către niște interpretări cu sens contrar celui intenționat. Acum mi-am propus să vorbesc despre sensul propriu, cel dat de altitudine, cel din perspectiva pilotului. Acel sens de „din aer” sau, de ce nu, de sus, nu în sensul… arogant.

![Wing](https://i.snap.as/3m8xdYeq.png)

Stau la o cafea în capitală, privind către străduța pe care am căutat-o zilele trecute pe Google Maps. De aici, abia îmi pot da seama de existența scuarului verde dintre copacii din planul îndepărtat; de fapt, nici nu aș putea spune că ar fi un scuar acolo dacă nu aș fi trecut ieri pe lângă el.

Ha! Și nici măcar nu este verde! Cum așa?! Este iarnă și a nins, deci este alb!

În orice caz, perspectiva aeriană este una… aerată, una care dă o dimensiune longitudinală străduței. Citeam odată că un pilot este „pierdut” la sol. De când am început să călătoresc cu avionul și de când cu hărțile Google, rătăcirea pilotului la sol mi-a devenit mult mai clară; în adolescență o puteam doar intui.

![Here Comes the Sun](https://i.snap.as/BCt5iCp9.png)

Here Comes the Sun (cel din titlu) este piesa difuzată la radioficarea cafenelei.

Update: iată că a ieșit și soarele!

![Coffee shop](https://i.snap.as/frk6RB9a.png)

 
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from Mitchell Report

⚠️ SPOILER WARNING: FULL SPOILERS

A dark navy movie-poster-style image with the large cream-colored title “BLITZ” across the top. Below, a blonde woman with curled hair and red lipstick leans close behind a young boy with short dark curly hair; both look toward the viewer with serious expressions. Their upper bodies merge into a dramatic trail of pale, daisy-like flowers and leaves that sweeps diagonally downward across the dark background. At the bottom center, a much smaller full-length boy in a dark coat and shorts stands facing forward, holding a small suitcase. No other text is visible. The poster for Blitz features a woman and a boy surrounded by floating flowers, with a lone child standing below.

My Rating: ⭐⭐⭐½ (3.5/5 stars)

Final Verdict

Not bad, but a heavy watch. After seeing all the kid went through in this movie, you almost wanted to reach out to him through the TV and say, “Let’s get you home.”

If this is a true reflection, it does amaze me how much suffering and damage there is while people try to carry on like nothing is really happening. I am sure there was some truth in it. I would hope the darkest moments, like stealing jewelry off of dead people, didn’t happen. Unfortunately, I am sure that it did, though I haven’t researched it.

Overall, the story was good and compelling. It kept me interested, even if it was a heavy watch. Not a bad movie.

TMDb
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#movies #review

 
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from Unvarnished diary of a lill Japanese mouse

Journal 4 octobre 2026 Le saké de l'adieu

On est toutes ensemble ce soir, on est tristes mais un peu heureuses. Hier au soir on a décidé d'aller ensemble à fukushima sans savoir ce qu’on y ferai ni ce quon trouverait. Bien sûr on ne pensait pas trouver shieko mais on voulait y aller. Mon frère nous a prêté un minibus, hayame a le permis, on est parties ce matin, on a acheté des fleurs en route. Il faut 3 h pour arriver. La côte est désolée, c{est plein de terrains vagues de dépôts de débris. O n'a pas pu pénétrer en zone interdite, bien sûr, il y a des barrières partout. Très peu de gens, âgés souvent. Ils ne craignent pas les radiations, à nos âges ils disent ça n'a plus d'importance. Personne n'avait vu la voiture bien sûr, ça aurait été trop beau. Pour finir on est allées au bord des falaises, pas loin de la centrale, on a lancé nos fleurs là en pensant à chie. Son corps n'est pas loin on le sait, on le sent. Deux vieilles personnes nous ont demandé si on rendait hommage à des disparus... On ne s'est pas plus attardées. On est rentrées en silence, en pleurant un peu, mais c'était comme un adieu cette fois. On sait qu’on ne la reverra plus, sa grâce, sa gentillesse, sa gaieté … Les larmes viennent en écrivant ça. C’est un peu comme après une catastrophe, on se compte entre survivantes. On avait emmené une bouteille de saké, chacune a bu au goulot et on a vidé le reste dans la mer. À toi shieko notre amie pour toujours.

#shieko

 
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from Why This Picture Matters

“Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply. Let him not laugh too gladly when the water runs through his fingers, not stand too silent when the setting sun makes the veld with fire. Let him not be too moved when the birds of his land are singing, nor give too much of his heart to a mountain or a valley. For fear will rob him of all, if he gives to much.”

Alan Paton- Cry, the Beloved Country, Cape

 
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from Midus

Publicat la 26 ianuarie 2017

Unele liste se numesc rezoluții și se întocmesc la începutul anului. Astea par să ne motiveze, să ne dea un impuls. De cele mai multe ori, rezoluțiile sfârșesc prin a nu fi bifate decât în mică măsură.

Sunt apoi listele care cuprind obligațiile cotidiene. Astea sunt deja automatisme și nu influențează realizarea rezoluțiilor decât în măsura în care ocupă timpul necesar a fi alocat rezoluțiilor.

Din când în când apar tot felul de priorități sub forma unor evenimente surprinzătoare, surprinderea putând avea sensul cel mai divers, cel mai variat. Acestea se aruncă, plonjează în fața tuturor celorlalte lucruri pe care le avem de făcut. Acestea schimbă nu doar listele, dar schimbă însuși cursul vieții noastre.

Acest curs nu este predefinit, nu ne „s-a scris în frunte”, ci el este rezultatul acțiunilor noastre din fiecare moment, este rezultatul deciziilor noastre la fiecare problemă sau situație, oricât de nesemnificativă sau de importantă ar putea fi.

Așadar, listele „To Do” („de făcut”) sunt și ele un factor determinant în stabilirea următorului pas pe întinsa și neștiuta câmpie din fața noastră. Ai făcut lista? S-ar putea să faci un pas la dreapta, mergând apoi până dai de urmele altora ca tine.

Te-ai fi așteptat să intersectezi o potecă asemănătoare celei de pe care vii, dar care are o altă direcție? Ți se pare mai interesant să continui de acum pe această nouă cale în loc să o croiești pe a ta în continuare? Dacă o vei face pentru o vreme, te vei fi depărtat deja de ceea ce ți-ar fi putut rezerva propria ta cale! Iar dacă pe noul traseu s-ar putea să nu găsești nimic interesant, e posibil ca drumul de întoarcere să nu mai poată fi parcurs, crezând că vei mai putea continua din locul în care ai dat de poteca cea nouă…

Parcurgem acest drum, trasăm acest drum în viață, precum o furnică ce ajunge la baza unui copac secular cu o coroană imensă, frumos conturată. Furnica asta apucă să dea de gustul scoarței bătrânului copac și începe ascensiunea.

Desigur, nu îi va trebui o viață să ajungă la marginea coroanei, dar gândiți-vă câte infinite posibilități, câte trasee posibile pot exista în acest copac! Fiecare adiere de vânt, fiecare strălucire a unei raze de soare sau fiecare vrabie care se năpustește asupra furnicii poate fi un eveniment care să schimbe traseul furnicii!

Acesta poate fi Copacul Vieții sau poate fi doar o reprezentare vizuală a infinitelor posibile trasee ale noastre în viață!

Putem face liste, putem să respectăm termenele impuse, putem să ne abatem de la ele sau putem chiar să le ignorăm. E posibil ca după ani buni să le găsim într-un sertar și să constatăm cu surprindere că am realizat mare parte din ceea ce ne propusesem odată sau să zâmbim amuzați de ideile noastre de altădată.

Putem alege!

 
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from blog//x2600.cc

At UM Church. Made coffee, had coffee. Had donuts + donuts holes. Snagged a couple granola bars for later. I also found a jet black coffee mug outside I left here for a particular project that.eg had here that day. My disgruntled day that day, bears fruit today :)

I cleaned it and is now in-backpack

I will retreat to SH in a bit but may attend service. In the mood for a deep, Orthodox Catholic session (though this is Methodist, a pseudo worship ;))

I am not religious, the occuly is how I am/will always be. But I appreciate the addressing of dark/light forces of Catholicism

 
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from Midus

Publicat la 15 ianuarie 2017

Ar fi bine să vorbim despre asta sau să ne prefacem că nu s-a întâmplat? — Cincizeci de umbre ale lui Grey, vol. I, p. 103

Cred că asta este o întrebare bună.

După ce are loc o situație cu care nu ne intersectăm prea des, după ce avem un dialog aparent neterminat, putem ajunge să ne punem o astfel de întrebare. Nu vom ști niciodată dacă am acționat corect, răspunzând într-un fel sau în celălalt fel la întrebarea de mai sus.

Chiar dacă situația va fi deslușită sau dialogul finalizat, tot ne vom întreba apoi dacă ne-am dorit asta cu adevărat.

Îndoiala va persista, indiferent de cursul evenimentelor ce vor decurge în urma deciziei luate după ce vom fi răspuns la întrebare — într-un fel sau în altul.

 
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from blog//x2600.cc

nextdns. I have an acct with them, but my temp acct expired. Now have a full acct. I was trying to do things with a dead endpoint.

So now irc servers are responding fine for me

 
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from JON KALEV

Six years ago I plowed this field in Alabama the last time

In its place are houses for rich people. Covering memories of grandparents picking cotton Plain and simple I sold out. No romanticism just math. Security versus uncertainty.

Then I dealt with my father. My mother spent the last fifteen years in a wheelchair. She had a stroke and he pushed her into a bed and watched football for hours. The next morning she was still where she fell, clothes on, unable to stand. She could have been saved. I make no apologies. I made him suffer.

Come October I smell peanuts. Hear the dryness of cotton fields, soil breaking open to receive winter rye. Walking fields looking for arrowheads. Overseeding pastures for winter, praying for rain. I miss every fucking minute.

I no longer remember the names of my cows. Everything loved is gone. But the wonder of it all.

 
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from G A N Z E E R . T O D A Y

I am a terrible multitasker. I thought I'd be able to alternate between writing and taking podcast notes, but when I'm in the writing zone (indeed in any zone), I find it very difficult to pull away and do something else. Even if I designate the something else towards the tail-end of the day.

So today I will attempt to power through 6 episodes, half the season we recorded. Now, each episode is quite long; an hour or more in some cases, which means more video-watching than I can handle. Basic logic would dictate spreading the episode-watching and notetaking across several days to ease the blow of the task at hand, but that would necessitate employing the kind of mental gearshift that I sorely lack.

Why am I like this?

#journal #work #podcast

 
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from Rippple's Blog

Stay entertained thanks to our Weekly Tracker giving you next week's Anticipated Movies & Shows, Most Watched & Returning Favorites, and Shows Changes & Popular Trailers.

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Hi, I’m Kevin 👋. Product Manager at Trakt and creator of Rippple. If you’d like to support what I'm building, you can download Rippple for Trakt, explore the open source project, or go Trakt VIP.

 
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from Things Left Unsaid

I've worked quite hard to achieve my mediocre running abilities... that have now given me a 2nd place in a category in an event. I still think it is pretty cool, and I feel quite good about it, even though I know that the only reason I got 2nd is that fast people in my category were not there.

The bulk of my running has been all alone on the city streets and paths near where I live. Alone, and aside from a weekend run, they are in the morning before work. For the last few years, since switching to morning shift, those runs before work have been alone and in the dark. That, combined with the social anxiety that permeates every fiber of my being; it takes a lot for me to show up to an event like the one I did yesterday. I should be including as events all the ParkRuns I have done over the years.

Sometimes I wonder why I register, and why I show up at these things. I guess showing up to an event or ParkRun pushes me outside of my comfort zone physically and mentally. And I guess that's good for me? I suppose. Not really a good answer as to why bother. I'm not competitive at all, and these events are a race. I say, hey, winning is for the elite runners. The best of the best. The rest of us don't compete with anyone but our past self. But even that now is kind of pointless with the age that I'm at. As I get older it gets harder. My 55 year old self can't do what my 49 year old self was doing when I first found running (or did it find me?). I work harder to achieve a slower time.

For the data maybe. That is a fun thing to think about. A tracker on my wrist communicating with satellites showing me distances and times is not like showing up at a start line with a chip pinned to my shirt front. I run across a mat on the road that communicates with the chip. This chip time is so much more accurate than the thing on my wrist. I get to be forever on a list of runners for any particular event. I was there, and did that. It is pretty real I guess. Proof that I'm actually running and not just pushing myself around the city streets on a scooter just to get kudos on Strava.

About five years ago I had some water left over in a water bottle after I ran a full marathon. I went to pour it into the sink, and suddenly stopped. I pictured that water sloshing around in the bottle while I suffered through that 42.2km run. Instead of dumping it out, I put it in a stainless steel thermos. Whenever I did a long run on a weekend, or participated in an event or ParkRun, I would put some of that marathon water in the water bottle I was taking on the run. I would save some, and then return it to the thermos after the run. I've been doing this for years with the water that is in that thermos. I have water in there from all the registered long distance events, and also most of the ParkRuns I've done, for years. That includes a few I did out of town, and also Claremorris ParkRun in Ireland. I filter it twice. and boil it for a few minutes occasionally, and then sterilize the inside of the thermos before putting it back in. lol Just a weird ritual. I know it is only water.

 
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