Prayers, etc.: * 05:00 – Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel * 06:00 – praying The Angelus * 06:55 – praying the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Holy Rosary, followed by the Memorare. * 08:10 – Thought for today from Archbishop Lefebvre: The external acts of the virtue of religion, like vocal prayer, are done for the internal acts.

We pray, we recite prayers to express what we are thinking, and to produce in ourselves what we are saying. What matters is the interior religion, contrary to the Pharisees. One of our resolutions should be to live the prayer we are saying. Let us not be mindless in our prayer, daydreamers all the time, automatons. * 12:00 – praying The Angelus * 14:00 – Praying to Atone for Rome's 2025 Jubilee Mascot * 14:30 – Readings from today's Mass include – Epistle: Prov 31:10-31; Gospel: Matt 13:44-52. * 16:20 – prayerfully reading The Athanasian Creed, followed by today's Daily Meditation found in Benedictus Magazine. * 18:00 – praying The Angelus * 19:20 – praying the hour of Compline for tonight according to the Traditional Pre-Vatican II Divine Office, followed by Fr. Chad Ripperger's Prayer of Command to protect my family, my sons, my daughter and her family, my granddaughters and their families, my great grandchildren, and everyone for whom I have responsibility from any demonic activity. – And that followed by the Tuesday Prayers of the Association of the Auxilium Christianorum.

Health Metrics: * bw= 216.0 lbs * bp= 165/81 (64)

Diet: * 06:20 – ½ toast&butter sandwich * 08:00 – applesauce * 08:20 – nachos w. cheese & meat sauce * 12:30 – lasagna * 14:30 – bowl of chicken vegetable soup, 1 ice cream sandwich * 16:00 – cheese

Chores, etc.: * 05:00 – listen to local news talk radio * 06:15 – bank accounts activity monitored * 12:30 – watch old game shows and eat lunch at home with Sylvia * 17:30 – waiting patiently for my 1st men's college basketball game of the night to begin

Chess: * 10:25 – moved in all pending CC games

posted Tuesday, 2024-11-19 ~19:45 #DLNOV2024

How the Democrats’ War on Democracy Realigned the Nation

One aspect of the Democrats’ staggering losses in the 2024 election that has not been given enough attention is the Democrats’ actions in profoundly transforming many people’s relationship with government into an adversarial one. Younger generations had never experienced such directly adverse effects on their lives as a result of government interference until the Democrats’ actions this past decade. We did not live through wartime conscription, McCarthyism, internment camps, or state-sponsored segregation. Until recently, our relationship with the government was largely abstract and bureaucratic, limited mainly to voting, educational loans, licensing, and taxes. However, the Democrats’ actions over these last years revealed in a very concrete manner the harms inflicted by a heavy authoritarian hand, and this gave new urgency to the idea of limited government for younger generations.

The Democrats are trying to make sense of a country they believe is becoming more conservative, but the reality is that it is the Democratic party that has changed, not the voters. After the 2016 election, Democrats created a stifling and insular political environment in which people had to constantly self-censor to avoid accusations of ignorance, bigotry, conservatism, or, heaven forbid, Trump enthusiasm and to avoid being shunned as a wrongthinker. Many of us felt a Cultural Revolution was unfolding before our eyes, but we were powerless to stop it. The Democratic party became more autocratic and exclusionary, deriding and shunning anyone who did not fall in line and leaving its remaining supporters wallowing in a pool of increasingly deranged groupthink. The Democrats’ overt hostility toward dissension should have been the canary in the coalmine that the party was sliding into an anti-democratic, anti-pluralist autocracy.

Since 2016 progressive Silicon Valley demagogues have been censoring anyone on the wrong side of the Democratic orthodoxy, transforming our cultural landscape into an oppressively stifling atmosphere, the likes of which have not been observed since Joseph McCarthy’s persecutorial crusade. Suddenly Americans became intimately acquainted with the dangers of censorship as our daily lives became the battleground for the Democrats’ war on free speech. The politicians and content creators we follow were banned or censored. Showing complete disdain for the First Amendment, the Biden administration even publicly called for private citizens to be censored. We were restricted from sharing information that went against progressive viewpoints, and what information we could share was cloaked in politicized “fact check” warnings to scare people away from exploring dissentious opinions. Legitimate political expression was labeled as “hate speech,” which was then used as a pretext to censor expression progressives disagreed with. That censorship included banning disfavored affiliation groups and shutting down online commerce and crowdfunding campaigns. We learned to self-censor and speak in euphemistic codes to avoid censorship. Even when groups set up their own sites and apps to exercise their rights to free expression, the big tech companies used their threats of removal of website hosting and app store privileges to continue stifling dissent. News media companies like the New York Times followed suit, censoring quality comments from readers to give the false impression of a progressive majority on controversial issues. All the establishment digital media took on this mantle of censorship, leaving a vacuum filled with such ubiquitous and vacuous progressive sloganeering that one is left feeling like any genuine expression of thought will result in being carted off to a gulag.

The censorship trend bled offline, and beloved books and film were removed from media catalogues or bowdlerized to avoid offense to progressives while a burgeoning field of sensitivity readers emerged to ensure that future media would be homogeneously suitable for the progressive palate. Publishers and booksellers were pressured to refuse to sell supposedly hateful materials in an effort to stop consenting adults from accessing information that dissents from progressive views. Live events were also canceled or violently shut down by progressive protests, which these days are aimed at chilling the speech of private citizens rather than at objecting to government power. Students and faculty in academia were subjected to inquisitorial scrutiny and punishment for wrongthink, creating an academic culture in which, sadly, immense bravery is required to exercise independent thought. Scientists and doctors had to risk their careers to speak out against problematic progressive ideas. This overt censorship was supplemented by covert reinterpretations and revisions of civil rights laws that pushed employers and schools to enforce a progressive civility code on workers and students, making in-person interactions as sterile and inauthentic as online discourse as individuals were compelled to self-censor and adopt progressive communication norms.

Thus, the government, digital tech companies, news media organizations, and academic institutions formed a blue wall of censorship and propaganda that punitively discouraged questioning progressive ideology or sharing alternate perspectives. They turned our collective news media and academic journals into their personal soapboxes, ultimately sowing distrust in legacy media institutions as it became clear that progressives’ political agendas trumped objectivity and truth. They created a cultural smog of propaganda so thick and intractable that we no longer have universally trusted sources of information, and we lack a shared record of fact, which is a requisite for healthy political discourse in a democracy. Democrats’ actions in exercising tight control over speech and media narratives have severely impaired our ability to have a well-functioning democracy.

In short, organic and thoughtful speech was supplanted by heavy-handed, divisive, progressive propaganda meant to disorient us and convince us that the opposite of what we believe is true. In the Democrats’ insistence that human avoidance can be communal, it is anti-scientific to ask questions, the desire for freedom is selfish, men can literally become women, access to information and free thought are dangerous, populism is authoritarianism, democracy is fascism, and illiberalism is liberalism, one almost hears the Orwellian echoes of the slogans “War Is Peace, Freedom Is Slavery, and Ignorance Is Strength.”

This societal slide toward 1984 has, unsurprisingly, not been a positive change in our lives. People are sick of the paternalistic worldview that suggests that progressives should get to decide for everyone else how we can express ourselves and what media we can consume. In engaging in rampant censorship for their own political gain, progressives made Americans’ daily lives toxic and unpleasant and converted our cultural landscape into a sterile, homogenous echo chamber. Yet, in all their post-election soul-searching, Democrats have yet to acknowledge Americans’ dissatisfaction with their censorial tendencies.

Further, the Democrats knowingly inflicted significant economic harm on millions of Americans with their myopic and callous lockdown policies, and to date they have not been held accountable for the damage they caused, including robbing us of the income needed to pay for food, shelter, and all the other expenses of living; disproportionately burdening working class families; the destruction of small, local businesses; rampant inflation; and increased evictions and foreclosures. The Democrats were dismissive of concerns about these harms, calling the people’s financial concerns selfish and refusing to consider less destructive policy alternatives. Democrats cavalierly proposed that the government could subsidize a large portion of the artificially stalled economy, showing their complete and utter disregard for fiscal responsibility and, therefore, for the economic realities of the working classes. We are now paying in perpetuity for the Democrats’ reckless lockdown policies in the form of inflated prices, declining purchasing power, and deflated savings, which make our lives more of a struggle.

Further, the Democrats’ hostile posture toward civil liberties profoundly tarnished the Democrats’ image for many of us who had been loyal voters. We are still traumatized by the nightmare treatment we endured from Democratic politicians. Overnight we were subjected to totalitarian regimes in which our freedom of movement, bodily autonomy, freedom of speech, freedom of assembly, property rights, religious freedom, Due Process, democratic representation, and essential human rights were heavily curtailed or eliminated. We were subjected to an onslaught of daily, fearmongering propaganda from the Democratic establishment, much of which disseminated inaccurate information intended to keep people fearful and divided. When objections were raised about their policies, Democrats ridiculed the desire for “freedumbs.”

Though both Republican and Democratic governments instituted lockdown policies, Democrats did so in a manner that exhibited a bewildering hostility to people’s rights. They forced individuals to take an ineffective, experimental medical product against their will, and tried to destroy the lives of those of us who resisted by robbing us of income and segregating us from society. They exercised the kind of power over the minute details of our lives that we only associate with dictatorships and dystopian novels. They sneered at our assertions of medical and religious freedom. We were characterized as anti-science, right-wing conspiracy theorists, and we were constantly assailed by politicians, journalists, and our associates as dangerous enemies who deserved to die. We became the Emmanuel Goldsteins of Democrats’ new totalitarian social order. Their actions forced us into an antagonistic relationship with the government, their party, and the communities we lived in. Many of us fled as political refugees to friendlier Republican-led states. Democrats like to boast about being on the “right side of history,” but no government on the right side of history persecutes its citizens and forces them to flee in order to preserve their fundamental rights.

And throughout it all, we the people were effectively left without representation or recourse as our constitutional rights were stripped from us by political executives acting outside the scope of the legislative process. For years we suffered under dictatorial rule in Democratic-governed jurisdictions as emergency powers were abused. Not only did we have no representation under the emergency rule-making powers, but the Democrats colluded with their digital tech allies to stop us from organizing against their policies in violation of our First Amendment rights. Neither Democratic politicians nor the legacy media will question the Democrats’ abuses of emergency powers and violations of civil liberties during the lockdown years. The Democrats’ supporters and media lackeys consistently turn a blind eye to the numerous anti-democratic transgressions committed by the Democratic party. Yet Democrats have the audacity to claim that democracy is under threat by the legitimate election of our next president. It is democracy itself that Democrats seem to find troubling.

You can dismiss us, as Democrats routinely do, as a negligible minority. But the Democrats apply this same arrogant, domineering posture universally to numerous groups: rural Americans, white men, radical feminists, Americans without college degrees, free speech advocates, women who do not want to be housed with violent males in prisons, libertarians, parents who do not want their children to be irreversibly mutilated by medical professionals, citizens who have concerns about uncontrolled immigration, parents who want to express themselves at local school board meetings without being accused of domestic terrorism, Hasidic Jews who want to live their values, blacks who do not trust the medical establishment, gun rights advocates, scientists who are sick of seeing science abused and who are tired of being censored and punished for asking questions, black conservatives and independents who are sick of Democrats shaming them for their political independence, Israel supporters, health freedom advocates, Christians and Muslims who do not want their children to be indoctrinated into Democrats’ sexual ideology, military veterans who hold dear the freedoms they fought for, people who want to preserve female sport, individuals whose support of bodily autonomy is not limited to abortion, Amish dairy farmers, female students who do not want to share intimate spaces with male classmates, anyone who believes in material reality and who does not appreciate being told they have to sacrifice reality to avoid giving offense; women who are tired of their necessary safeguarding instincts against sexual predation and violence being dismissed and vilified as bigotry; and the list goes on.

When you start adding up all the negligible minority groups whose interests the Democrats routinely trample upon, you have a wide coalition of voters united by their sense of persecution by the Democrats. From this perspective, it is not such a mystery why the Democrats lost so starkly; they spent the past decade alienating everyone who disagrees with them in the slightest.

Democrats cannot seem to comprehend that the populace does not want to replace our pluralistic, democratic republic with a uniform totalitarian state governed by the Democrats. Given the Democrats’ demonstrated hostility to democracy, economic freedom, free speech, freedom of association, parental rights, religious freedom, and bodily autonomy, it is not clear what rights, if any, the Democrats think we citizens should be permitted to have aside from the right to abortion. Whatever flaws Trump exhibited as president, he never tried to exercise totalitarian control over our lives, rob us of our livelihoods, censor us, or impose his ideologies on us. But the Democrats’ actions this past decade have turned our lives into dystopian nightmares. Democrats wielded the power of government to inflict financial distress on citizens, accelerate inflation, strip away our businesses and jobs, censor speech, abridge religious liberty, intrude on private medical rights, infringe on civil liberties, and otherwise make our lives harder and more unpleasant. And when we objected to these actions, they disparaged us as stupid, hateful, and selfish.

In the aftermath of their recent governance, calls to shrink government and “drain the swamp” are infinitely more attractive because, for all Democrats’ talk about using government to lift people up, their actions demonstrated just how eager they are to use government power to tear people down.

Isolerende elementen

Al het isolatie materiaal; legering, beton en staal hagen, hekken, plastic kozijnen zware deuren, dikke gordijnen koper, PU schuim, thermopeen spouw, asbest en baksteen mortel, rubber en afdichtkit en dan ik die daartussen zit.

Waiting patiently for Peacock TV to bring me the 1st of 2 men's college basketball games I'm planning to follow this evening. Penn vs Villanova is scheduled to start in about 15 min, and that will be followed by Samford vs Michigan St.

posted Tuesday, Nov 19, 2024 at ~5:15 PM #QNNOV19

Something I’m thinking about today is how much I think about AI now. Part of my draw to this new gig at Formation Bio was the opportunity to work in (or at least adjacent to) AI efforts, and it is absolutely playing out thus far. When we say AI is a fundamental tenet of our culture and whatnot, it’s easy to be a bit jaded or cynical that AI is just the current sexy buzzword, and there is some truth there, and it’s important to keep some kernel of that in order to stay grounded. BUT there is definitely at least SOME “there” there with regards to the impact AI is having and will continue to have, and being able to steep in it a bit is awesome.

I’m by no means an AI expert, and I’m not truly baking AI into everything I work on, but I do think about AI and pay attention much more than I would at, say, the median job out there for someone with my skills. And I think this is going to continue to compound over time and I learn more and get more comfortable. There is definitely the opportunity to use AI pragmatically to massive benefit in the realm of DevEx etc — the important part is “pragmatically”.

Begeesterd Optreden ; De Grote Verleiding, in twee delen

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I ; Lijf Muziek, het enorm toegevoegde amusentsgehalte (metalalicalia)

De oproep aan het volk

De bekkens wachten ontembaar daar zal een stok op slaan de entree is al even erg daar moet je naar binnengaan Het is verkondigd, het kwam ter ore, je mocht er niet omheen je zou het hartverscheurend missen ging je er niet heen.

Na jaren van afwezigheid een eenmalig optreden in het land het ongelooflijke waar geworden, je werd door hype overmand ach en wee, er niet bij zijn in welk een misere zouden we belanden dit zou wel zeker leiden tot vreselijk onbehaaglijke toestanden hel en verdoemenis zou ons wachten op zijn minst dat maar blij toe dat je het all acces ticket inclusief servicekosten al in bezit had.

overbrugging

Deze fenomenen zijn niet te stuiten als het binnen zit komt het naar buiten eens gestopt gaat het weer beginnen wat buiten is gezet komt weer binnen als je niks doet gaat het iets verzinnen het stopt pas als jij aan komt dringen voor kaartjes van dit grotere gebeuren met beveiliging staande bij alle deuren.

Daar zo

Elke kraag zal het tot de nok toe vullen als dat al niet zo is elke voor je ticket geopende ruimte komt stampvol spullen daaromheen de mensen show bedienend voor de habbekrats standaard de nuttigmakende mens die al het mogelijke stukken makkelijker maakt versnaperingen worden opgeboerd, de amuses met de handjes aangeroerd de lif lafjes niet terzijde geschoven de tong los gemaakt voor het loven van de band, het optreden, de entourage de voor wat hoort wat meer dan dat gage een schouwtoneel terwijl het voorprogramma niet wordt gezien, amper gehoord maar de binnenkant van de betere fan zal als eerste worden bekoord.

De Lijf ervaring

Je krijgt het op de heupen vanuit de diepte der onderbuikregionen voel hoe wild orgastisch ze je bijzijn voor en achter de bühne belonen kijk ze intens kijken naar het publiek via de camera verbinding het zou toch sneu zijn als je niet een refreintje meezingt hoe ging het ook alweer Hypocricy is The Greatest Luxury, o nee daar staat iets heel anders in het karaoke beeld ah ja, Exit light Enter night Take my hand We're off to Never—, Neverland Geniaal, nu nog, en ook op leeftijd geven ze nog waar voor je geld het is ook te zien dat dat goud goed echt met de beat mee telt Deze wild behaarde mannen staan ergens voor, een scherm, een publiek een bepaald genre knoestig hakkend en grommend getunede gitaarmuziek dat was een deel van je jeugd na Abba en Toontje Lager dat dan weer wel maar dit genre raakte je pas echt diep beneden de bijbel belt.

Oh Ah, de merchandise

Je gaat er in sneupen als het daar op tafel als bed open en bloot voor ogen ligt dat is immers je godverdomde economische wederdienst plicht Ook al heb je alles al, op die laatste vijf niet denderende albums na gelukkig ligt daar daar de debuut lp heruitgave met download code extra

klaterende handelswaar, blond kort schuimend, glanzend plat en handjeklap het stond je op te wachten daar bovenaan de torenhoge trap daar in het speelhol van de vlot getemde tijgers en vertroetelde beren mannen van een zekere leeftijd die hun inkomen kunnen laten beheren.

De aftocht

En dan nadat de drummer je stoïcijns met uitgestoken hand liet staan is het tijd om goed gemutst terug naar huis te gaan de nieuwe oude lp kan voorzichtig achterin de mercedes worden gegooid belanden in het luisterland land van misschien wel waarschijnlijk nooit De klassieke zender staat klaar om je onderweg te vergezellen rijdende denk je aan welk teveel er eigenlijk is om hierover te vertellen je kan moeilijk zeggen dat er niet zoveel anders was dan tien jaar geleden dat je de tijd van je leven beter anders had kunnen besteden daarvoor hebben we gelukkig het overdrijven uitgevonden zodat op al je sociale media accounts deze klaterend zinnen stonden

'slaat die live vonk over dan is er geen ontkomen aan een gang even vast als oze aarde in zijn zonnige baan'

epicentrum

Het is ongelooflijk maar waar alles past precies zo in elkaar bij ieder offer past een altaar kan het af dan komt het klaar.

(en dat iedere weekend weer)

II ;

Heb je uren te over komen er tegenslagen per seconde bij op goed geluk volgt averij, loop je te ver vooruit vervolgen zij past het niet, komt er wat los en die schuift dan aan voert wat uit, zet wat om, brengt in en laat door gaan op die ene manier waarop zij activiteiten kunnen verdragen met hapjes, pinpassie, verzekerd, beveiligd en hun gesponsorde bijdragen zo zie ik mezelf aan de lijn staan en denk er het mijne van met de hoge kopstem die verkondigd dat het allemaal ook niet kan dan roep je schel 'het is toch niet waar!' en dat is vast en zeker zo het is die boodschap van de giftige mannetjes op 24 7 midden golf stream radio en hun dagelijkse betaal internet radio wwwc potcast praatshow 'jij behoort onze vrije wil' vandaag wordt wederom besproken het dikke vette boek voor in bed 'De bijsluiter' van dr. Erectie Phil want de opgewonden schapherdertjes liggen alweer nachtenlang te smachten bij nachten terwijl verderop Maria Magdalena bezig is met de smetteloos witte was tot pulp te verzachten op zo'n moment besef je weer dat niemand mag hebben wat het hartje echt begeerd maar dat is het hardnekkige leef niet lesje dat mijn koppie wel maar mijn lijf nooit leert.

(het hele arsenaal aan goden zij dank daarvoor)

I finally took the State of JS 2024 survey. It was surprising how much was new for me. But, looking back in 2024, I think it is ok, that I had not the time and motivation to keep up. On the other hand, this survey felt strange because it asked a lot about how much I used different Frameworks. Which is basically justifiable, but the same frameworks were included in multiple questions. With most of the frameworks, I was familiar. I've checked their docs in the past and for the most, I was not interested in building a project with it. So, if nothing new comes up, I will stick with ReactJS and Next.js for a while. 😎

I've also taken the State of (HTML | CSS | ReactJS) surveys this year and in the years before. Next time, I write about them. This year I missed it. 🤷

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37/100 of #100DaysToOffload

#log #dev #survey #stateOf

Shading doesn’t get much better than this! Admittedly, the light shades are almost too light, but it’s such a joy watching the ink flow back in the strokes. This pen really lets this ink down, relying too much on a sweet spot for an enjoyable writing experience. Touch wetter than I thought it was.

Paper used: Kokuyo A5 KB Paper, 500 Sheets, 64gsm, 80 Bright (Amazon affiliate link supports this blog and the YouTube channel with a small commission. THANK YOU!)

Support this blog and the YouTube channel with your purchase above, or buy the Pensane Ink Journal Printable (pictured above) for less than $2 here. Thank you so much for your support!

• This month’s post talks about regression testing and why it’s key to avoiding bugs when updating software. It uses relatable examples like testing shopping carts, search tools, and login systems. The post explains why automated regression testing is a game changer for keeping software reliable and users happy while sharing tips and tools to make it easier. It’s all about helping developers bring regression testing into their everyday workflow.

There’s a very thin layer of snow coating the land outside, softening the colours and making everything glitter in the moonlight.

🕳️

My fingertips are cold, my knees are too.

It’s easier to live today, the horrid feeling has evaporated.

It’ll soon be back but I’ve heard it told that one should live in the present.

The good thing about feeling bad is that I experience the lack of bad feelings as a very good thing. Invigorating, precisely why also it’s good to go a few years without smell; if ever I catch a whiff no matter of what, it’s a welcome one.

Okay take care!!

© Foto: Ricard Ramon. Pieza de cerámica en la Bienal de Cerámica de Manises del año 2018.

Hoy abordo una pequeña reflexión sobre la necesidad de reivindicar los circuitos artísticos pequeños y locales, como una vía de trabajo natural de la educación artística y de las artes, para un verdadero desarrollo cultural accesible. La situación actual, no solo en el mundo del arte, sino también en todas las prácticas culturales, prioriza el éxito de unos pocos artistas escogidos por grupos de críticos y comisarios con poder mediático y apoyos institucionales, públicos o privados. Determinados artistas se han convertido en gurús de la creación y, sobre todo, en inversiones económicamente muy rentables destinadas a prestigiar la imagen de algunas instituciones o personas privilegiadas de amplio poder adquisitivo. Sin duda, el reconocimiento de algunos de esos trabajos es justificado en función de su calidad; eso no lo niego.

No obstante, mi posición crítica, profundamente antielitista, me convierte en un descreído de todo este sistema de intereses y juegos legítimos, pero criticables y con alternativas posibles. Frente al arte de grandes eventos, yo propongo que es hora de revalorizar el trabajo de toda una legión de hombres y mujeres artistas anónimas, por poco conocidos en el universo mediático institucional, y de aquellos que ni tan solo se consideran artistas.

Artistas que producen obra muy interesante a precios asequibles, y sobre todo razonables, que nos permiten tener acceso a obra de calidad y que están fuera de los grandes circuitos recurriendo a modestas galerías o buscando espacios y salas de centros culturales en los que exponer su obra. Creo que se debería reforzar el desarrollo y la consolidación de estos circuitos alternativos y no desdeñar la importancia que juegan estas salas, en ocasiones carentes de gestión, y siempre carentes de presupuesto, para el desarrollo y las posibilidades de estos artistas y del desarrollo cultural comunitario, en general. Pero no hay que desdeñar otro aspecto fundamental de estas salas, como eje vertebrador de la cultura local, demasiadas veces mal planteada y conducida y con enormes posibilidades educativas muy desaprovechadas.

Estas salas se convierten muchas veces en espacios de exhibición de artistas amateurs y aficionados locales, que por desgracia, la mayor parte de las veces, orientan su trabajo hacia la imitación de modelos culturales del arte de élite, dejando pasar la oportunidad de un desarrollo cultural propio y alternativo al de las altas esferas culturales, que resultaría mucho más enriquecedor.

Sin duda, estas salas, son un instrumento por explotar por parte de la educación artística que tiene en este público una oportunidad para orientarles en el desarrollo de culturas propias, que deben ser revalorizadas, evitando así el papel de puro reflejo social por pura imitación del arte consagrado.

#reflexiones #cultura #exposiciones #arte

Looking for special things inside

Listening to Superman by Five For Fighting this morning. The line 'I'm just a man in a silly red sheet' is really striking a chord.

We all have a lot on our shoulders. Sometimes, it's just our own baggage. The detritus of life and being an adult. Sometimes... it's more. That weight can also be a lot of other people's decisions and problems. Their responsibility becomes yours in the form of their well-being as counselor, teacher or caretaker.

Personally, I suck at it. And maybe you do too.

Did you grow up desiring to care for the emotional and spiritual well-being of others? With the exception of longing to be a parent, I’m guessing the answer is no. Wouldn’t you much rather just be a writer or an artist, dancer, or musician? Using those energies to exorcise your demons instead of caging them.

At heart, I’m guessing you are a ditch-digger. A button-pusher. A door-opener. Not the guy who tells others to lay down on the couch, but the guy who delivers the couch. Up 8 flights of tight, twisting stairs if needed. Like you though, in a moment of need, i can arise to any occasion.

The problem: people perceive that as ability.

And so the loads keep coming and the couch stays full and the needs never stop. Then one day, you're wearing the red cape and have the letter on your chest and you realize you're nothing but a damned imposter and you just can't do it anymore. You've given and given and given and given and given.

You are all given out.

More than an a bird and a plane. No longer able to symbolize the hero they all need. You can't carry them.., or really even ambulate, much less fly.

This is what burnout looks like.

If you drive a car long enough without maintaining it, you will find its components will progressively fail until the vehicle either no longer functions or it becomes a catastrophic liability. Think brake failure.

Burnout is like that.

A cursory examination says everything is fine. A catastrophic experience is only one intersection away.

You reach a point where you understand your function, but you just cannot do the thing you should be doing. You press yourself and where every other time you delivered, now you are just empty.

Take care of yourself. Listen to the warning signs. You aren't any good to anyone (especially yourself) if you let it go too far. And too far is where the walls exist. Very, very solid walls.

Though, it might be pretty good for the art.

A friend's words echo in my mind... 'schedule regular breaks and opportunities for refreshment or your body (and mind) will force it.’

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men weren't made to live with clouds between their knees

#essay #confession #music

wrinkled pages

(Name: XXXXXX) – Status: Deceased Experiment #0003

Starting Observations: After being forcibly woken up with Excitas gas, the patient immediately proceeded to bite his own fingers. He failed to notice me until I tapped the glass of the containment chamber, approximately 10 seconds after they began. By the time that happened, ID0025 had already ripped off half his index and middle fingers. After the last experiment, this left the patient with only 5 remaining full fingers.

Experiment Procedure: The experiment proceeded as follows:

1. ID0025 was given a new experimental drug that enhanced his body’s ability to recover itself. The intention was to dissuade the patient from cannibalizing his own body.
   • Result: The patient started biting himself at an increased rate, matching the rate of recovery and eventually outpacing it. Though ID0025’s fingers all eventually recovered after an hour, it took only another hour for the patient to eat 5 of their own fingers again.
   • Conclusion: Even when it is futile, the patient will keep devouring their own body.
2. ID0025 was given a known drug that increased their body’s physical resistance. With this, I hope to stop the patient from being able to keep biting through his own flesh.
   • Result: The patient could not manage to keep tearing apart his own fingers. However, they kept trying. As the previous drug made their torn-apart fingers grow back, ID0025 began to sob uncontrollably while attempting to eat them before they could fully grow. After 30 minutes passed, only one cannibalized finger remained. The patient broke a few of his teeth while continuing their attempts. Eventually, all his fingers recovered.
3. After an hour with his fingers recovered, ID0025 began to repeatedly bash their head against the glass of the containment chamber until their skull cracked wide open. At that moment, ID0025 died.

Background Details: ID0025 was a runaway criminal who had strangled his wife to death a few years prior. The patient changed his name and performed an illegal operation on himself to change his appearance in hopes of escaping his previous life. One day, he approached me after repeated episodes of PTSD in which he felt himself strangling his wife at repeated intervals. The truth serum I gave him forced him to reveal everything, but I promised to keep everything a secret if they agreed to help me with experimental research in return. The procedure caused his fears to manifest, and ID0025 began to bite his own fingers in guilt for what he did.

Result: By extracting the memories from ID0025’s brain after his death, I have managed to fine-tune the potion I made to deal with violent urges. When dealing with thoughts of harming someone else, the brain will receive negative stimuli from watered-down versions of ID0025’s memory and hopefully prevent the person from acting on those thoughts.

---

Rabu entered the containment chamber and tapped the body of his subject with one of his feet, smiling down at him while crossing out the image of the patient on the page with red ink. Seeing people suffer saddened him. But they always seemed to be much more peaceful after dying. No longer could they act violently at others or themselves, no longer could they torment each other with words, no longer could they feel any form of pain. Instead, the only thing that was left was a comfortable silence that embraced them.

“Don’t worry,” Rabu knelt down in front of his patient, caressing his flesh with disregard for the blood that glued itself to his fur. “I’ll put your pain to good use. This will help a lot of people… You’ll live on in everyone’s mind.”

He stood up, not expecting a response from the deceased. Rabu turned around and left the containment chamber.

“I wish he didn’t die, though. I had a lot of experiments planned for him…”

This mask, these masks

Impermanent, I know

Limiting, comfortable

But I cannot stand idle

While everything burns

Cracks in the porcelain

This shade of me, shimmering

My crimson rage

Channeled into words

Perhaps I have time

Time before words become acts

Before this fiction is cast aside

And I die once more for my cause.

#poetry #writing

I'm on a train to London to give a talk on open-source scientific equipment at OpenUK London Meetup #19: Open Hardware this evening. Here are the slides for my talk: