Dubious Train

“At last it was evening. The lights in the street outside came on, and the Neon restaurant sign on the corner jerked on and off, exploding its hard red light in the air. Into Jim Nolan’s room the sign threw a soft red light.”

— John Steinbeck, In Dubious Battle

This is good prose, and it was a beautiful reminder of why I love John Steinbeck. He was an excellent writer dedicated to his craft, no matter how controversial his stories or opinions. I really needed to come back to good prose, and I have not been disappointed by In Dubious Battle. It is a good book for starting a new job (haha if you’ve read it). Speaking of which I am somewhat drained while I write this. It is a good job, but there is definitely extra stress when you have to meet new people and go to a new place. And yet every year is new, so experience can sometimes provide a false sense of security. Kids grow, people move, time rushes.

Writing

I have been writing almost every day, and I have crossed 40,000 words with my new book. If I can get to 50,000 it will be close enough to full length for me to call it a novel instead of a novella. It has been a fun project, and I will still have to do a significant amount of rewriting and editing. It has shown me that writing, just like any other art, ought to be fun. I think the past two books have felt like monuments that I needed to build for myself before I could really admit to myself that I am doing this for fun, not to be a Great Writer. There must be a balance between spiritual gravity and joyful whimsy. This project is definitely on the side of whimsy, or its weird and crazy, I honestly can’t tell the difference sometimes.

I am also making peace with Substack/Medium/Social Media, I think. I have accepted that it will probably never be a significant source of income, and that is freeing to me because it allows me to avoid a “half artistic profession.” Lots of writers and artists have had to earn their bread a different way, and not depending on it for income it means I won’t have to play to algorithms or trends. I am not precluding the possibility of “building an audience,” but I’m not really making it a goal. My goal is to make the best art I can make and write what I love to write.

I have had some positive interactions on Medium despite my frustrations with their recommendation algorithm, so that is nice. I haven’t had as much traffic from Substack and I don’t really like their social media approach. They are not as greedy and creepy as Facebook, but it is still the same model of trapping attention around things that you love. I appreciate that they focus on encouraging people to pay writers, but I find that there is a pressure (if you are really trying to get paid on Substack) to write something “relevant” and/or controversial. It is nice to connect with people over reading and books, but as with all social media, it is important not to let the means overshadow the ends. Going forward I don’t plan to paywall any of my stuff except for books. It just feels disingenuous. It is also kind of insulting how little the Medium Partner Program pays. I have some stories with hundreds of claps, but they don’t seem to value claps anymore because the profit hasn’t even broken a dollar. The fact that you have to pay to become a Medium Member in order to write for the partner program doesn’t feel great, either.

As always, a huge thank you to those who have bought me a coffee. I really really appreciate it! I’ve been trying to add some behind the scenes photos and music stuff for anyone who chips in, as I am able. I’d say the biggest actual “perk” available on there are the recordings that are done for Lit Songs that I haven’t released anywhere else yet. It is probably going to be long time before the album sees the light of day publicly, but I add them on Buymeacoffee as I finish the mixes. There are currently two.

Music

I haven’t done as much music as I have wanted to, or at least, I don’t have much to show for what I have been practicing. I have mostly been playing the same things over and over. One of them is a riff that I am trying to get just right before I settle on recording the vocals for the song, the other is the song People Get Ready, written by Curtis Mayfield and performed by the Impressions as well as Jeff Beck et al. through the years. It is a beautiful song with a beautiful melody and it is really just a song that gives some relief to me. I’m guessing the people around me who have to listen to it get a little sick of hearing it, but I try not to push it too much. I think the lyrics are really timeless, you should go have a listen to both the original by The Impressions and to Jeff Beck at Ronnie Scott’s.

People get ready, there’s a train a comin’
Don’t need no baggage, you just get on board
All you need is faith to hear the diesel’s hummin’
Don’t need no ticket, you just thank the lord.

There ain’t no room for a hopeless sinner
Who would hurt all mankind just to save his own.
Have pity on those whose chances grow thinner.
There ain’t no hiding place against the kingdom’s throne.

Podcast

Eric and I will be returning for our fourth season of Raise a Glass. We actually have two episodes recorded already, which I am in the process of editing. We’re going to be doing a read through of Lord of the Rings. So if you want to follow along you can join the Patreon for free. There are also actual perks in the form of bonus episodes and blooper content for the different tiers — But I don’t think either Eric or I have a single entrepreneurial bone in our bodies so it’s very much what we enjoy and ways we can try to make it fun for listeners.

Reading

Aside from In Dubious Battle I have been reading way too many books simultaneously again. Death’s End (Three Body Problem book 3) in Chinese, Don Quixote, some Edith Wharton short stories, Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason, Augustine’s City of God. This month, Wharton’s Xingu stands out in my mind. It tells about a hilarious little joke pulled on some stuffy English ladies and their book club. I don’t want to spoil it because it will be better to read it for yourself, but it is one of the funniest things I have ever read and I’ve read Kurt Vonnegut. Edith Wharton was a sharp woman, and I feel like she must have been getting some revenge for something.

I am also almost done with Death’s End in Chinese and I can hardly believe it. It is about 500 pages and it has been several years since I started working through it. I feel like my reading level has definitely gone up, but that really depends on how well I can keep up with my flashcards. Rather than go for 100% comprehension, I look up about five words and add them to a flashcard app. I think it has genuinely helped my vocabulary grow because I am understanding a lot more than I did at the beginning. I also read the English simultaneously just so I can know what really happened and fill in the gaps because there are some pretty crazy things that happen in it. I think Three Body is a special series. It is not very well written in terms of the prose, and neither are the characters particularly deep, but the ideas and the execution of them is astonishing. There are some fresh insights about space and time and our relationship to the cosmos and the earth that I think makes the series worth reading.

#update #September #2026

---

Thank you for reading! I greatly regret that I will most likely never be able to meet you in person and shake your hand, but perhaps we can virtually shake hands via my newsletter, social media, or a cup of coffee sent over the wire. They are poor substitutes, but they can be a real grace in this intractable world.

---

Send me a kind word or a cup of coffee:

Buy Me a Coffee | Listen to My Music | Listen to My Podcast | Follow Me on Mastodon | Read With Me on Bookwyrm | Connect With Me on Substack

Hey I almost forgot to write that I saw the moon the other day, not full but with a warm, almost orange glow, and the sky was deep blue with stars?

But I’m smitten by a terrible illness (a cold) and have been bedridden inside, while the sun is shining down the last summer days

Or the moon, as I described.

It’s a comforting thought, the indifference of nature or the world, but it’s unsettling nonetheless

I am the centre only of my own world, just like everyone else, including the frogs

~for Lisa Couturier

Why do we gaze at stars? Birds used to swim, before they could fly. The longer we swim, the more likely we'll grow wings.

The sailors, then, is that why they watch you? Yes, otherwise they’ll never be free.

So, sailors are like fish caterpillars, waiting to emerge? Yes, like an unborn star.

How are stars born? Light, balance, and force.

Just those things? Maybe some fairy dust.

What happens when you fall? A million wishes are made.

Who do you fall for? The purest of hearts.

Do their wishes come true? Look for yourself.

#poetry

Clermont-Ferrand appears to be a city of music, on Saturdays anyway. In the Cathedral of Notre Dame de l’Assomption, a group led by a woman wearing a summer dress, rehearse for an event of some kind. She begins singing and her contralto voice, helped by the PA, echoes through the stone vaults. She swings one of her arms rhythmically, mustering her accompaniest to keep time. The way school music teachers keep reluctant students in line. I half suspect she may also be a teacher, when she isn’t performing in gothic cathedrals.

She stops for a moment and the echo of her voice decays softly into the shadows. She speaks to the group in front of her about something, away from the microphone. Then;

“On y va!”


 And she begins singing again. A tour group enter from the side door and, confused by the lilting voice of the singer, stop at the front to watch her. We are all secretly thrilled by the unexpected live performance.

Behind the singer, to one side of the altar a priest wearing the kind of headset preferred by theatre stage-managers stands with another woman, this one in jeans and a tee shirt. They stare intently at some piece of equipement on the floor, having a discussion only they can hear. It’s exactly the kind of thing roadies can be seen doing before gigs, in more secular settings around the world. In another life perhaps that would have been the priest’s calling.

Leaving the cool cathedral, in the adjacent square, there appears to be a festival for ham, and associated pork products, getting ready to open. The jarring juxtaposition is heightened by a brass ensemble playing unique cover versions of popular songs. Stopping for coffee, we pick a table with decent shade at a place called The Magma Cafe. The pyroclastic theme is understandable for a city built in a volcanic basin. We order, and sit enjoying the morning heat. The coffee arrives and I begin to feel alert again. At about this point we realise the brass band is covering Killing in the Name, including full vocal in French. This seems to be a step too far for the cathedral wardens who pull the doors shut, leaving tourists outside to wonder if the cathedral is open.

It is, for September, unseasonably warm in many parts of France. The French weather service has issued a heatwave warning for many areas in the South East, with temperatures expected to reach 39.5°C (104°F) around Perpignan. This follows a summer of record breaking wildfires, which came on the heels of record breaking floods at the start of the year. Will it be enough to herald the kind of change needed by politicians in Europe? Only time will tell.

A lot of buildings in the older part of Clermont-Ferrand are made with the same black volcanic stone as the cathedral. It makes them look sooty, like relics from the era when coal fires and diesel fumes coated whole cities with layers of black carbon. But this is the stone’s natural colour. Reminding me of the architecture of Edinburgh, and the volcanic basalt used in buildings there.

I sit drinking coffee and feeling self conscious about my jeans. I bought them months ago, and they are too long for me. I intended to take them up, but other things kept taking priority, so instead I just started wearing them as they are. Lying to myself that long flared jeans are stylish. They lost any stylishness they had as I walked the hems to a tattered and holey mess. My self-consciousness is made worse knowing this is France. A culture that, generally speaking, knows how to dress well. Apologies for the gross generalisation. I decide to find a haberdashery supplier, and affect repairs to my jeans. As soon as coffee is finished. It takes about five seconds for me to forget this plan, when I find out there is also a multilingual bookstore in town. I often plan trips based on the bookshops in a given place and have been to bookstores across Europe and the United States. A note to civic leaders everywhere, supporting bookstores to open, and stay open, in your towns and cities also brings in visitors.

Emma’s Bookshop, Clermont-Ferrand, France

One of these days I will write about the bookshop and libraries that started my love of books, but that is for another post. Emma’s Bookshop in Clermont-Ferrand is next to the cathedral, as luck has it, about two minutes walk from The Magma Cafe.

I should make it clear, given the title of this post, that as far as I can tell, Emma’s bookshop is not specifically a queer or lgbt bookshop. It has a broad but well curated selection of subjects, including feminist texts and a children’s section. They also do teas, coffee, and cakes, and had I planned things better, I would have spent more time there than I was able to. Despite it being a flying visit, I couldn’t resist their queer titles entirely. Also in spite of being told off that I don’t apparently have enough space in my motorcycle’s top box for books – I do, there is always a way to make space for books.

I bought a hardback copy of AJ West’s How Queer Bookshops Changed the World. It fills me with joy and energy when I encounter Queer history texts. Our history is a fragile and delicate thing, it deserves to be treasured and recorded but is so often lost. A.J. West has done justice to his subject collecting these accounts of important LGBTQ+ spaces together. They are inevitably stories of survival against the odds, and of loss. It is sometimes heartbreaking to read about the disappearance of spaces that would have represented safety, connection, activism and liberation, for the communities they served. Communities that are almost continuously under hostile scrutiny for one perceived transgression or another.

A.J. West’s How Queer Bookshops Changed the World

To underline this, and tie the past to the present, one of the stories recounted in the book is that of Shakespeare and Company, as it existed in Paris, between 1919-1941.

Describing the proprietors Adrienne Monnier and Sylvia Beach, both of who were lesbians, witnessing the arrival of the Nazis in Paris;

“They knew the threat the Germans posed to books and to citizens who didn’t fit with Nazi ideology. After all, Hitler’s thugs had begun their tempest of literary immolation on the 6th of May 1933 with the ransacking and burning of the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft (Institute for Sexual Science) in Berlin… The Sturmabteiling could hardly get there quickly enough. It systematically confiscated thousands of books and documents from the Institute’s library and archive, burning them days later in a huge pyre. As many as 25,000 of the Institute’s books, many containing unmatched insights into transgender history and medicine were immolated in the Bebelplatz.”

The parrallels with today’s attacks on science, and the ongoing attempt by government to remove transgender people from public life in the USA and the UK, seem obvious. On the same day I was lucky enough to visit Emma’s bookshop, the UK’s new far right blackshirt thugs were disrupting traffic into the port of Dover.

Emma’s Bookstore can be found at 9 rue Phillipe Marcombes, Clermont-Ferrand.

For anyone wondering, I also visited a haberdashers and am now making my jeans more presentable, one stitch at a time.

Back to Baseball Today.

In the spirit of keeping this Sunday a day of rest and relaxation, for my game of choice I'm turning to MLB. It's my intention to follow my Texas Rangers as they play the Tampa Bay Rays. This afternoon's game is scheduled to start at 1:35 PM CDT. As usual I'll follow the game's scores and stats in real time via MLB's Gameday Service where we can also find links to the radio-call of the game provided by announcers of either team we choose.

And the adventure continues.

Finally writing about writing

I wrote a song recently about writing. It is coming on The Kintners album due out Christmas, called “The Kintners – Brand Name Believers.” I explore in song my reasons for writing and encourage folks to do it too. It’s very important in my life. It’s almost like a religion, to me. I don’t “believe” anything on purpose. Writing routinely helps me suss that out. Writing is thinking on the record. Even if you forget, it is right there where you put it.

Forgetting is huge, by the way. Every login, password, glitch, update, ad, lures me away from thinking. I also wrote a Djembe Funk song lately, coming soon, that asks; “how do you ride a train of thought to the end of the line these days?” It really is difficult. I find a blank piece of paper or an offline word processor helps get me to the end of that line. That is where I need to be. I want to share the final stop in my songs. If I never get there, my songs are empty.

How do you get deep without digging?

Much like deep conversation, songs do not get deep unless I am deep into the thought of making them. Conversations rarely, if ever, start off deep. They build, dig. This is what makes me sad about folks who reject me for deep conversations. Don’t let the icebreakers I am terrible at fool you, I am there for cerebral, emotional, challenging. I just have to work up to it. That is not the norm. Most folks size me up before a song is over, or that length of time. I do not give a crap on my end. But I feel sad for folks who walk through life that way. You just don’t get deep without digging.

Google doesn’t help. I am guilty of using them too. But if anyone remembers, it was harder to find information not so long ago. You were on a train of thought until you found it. It was a quest to find what you were looking for. Now it is a search and instant answer on google. Are you going to understand that google as well as something that took a few days or weeks to learn? No. But we are allergic to staying on the train of thought. We have been trained to seek instant gratification instead of embarking on personal journeys for something to keep with us. We keep nothing. Blow and go. It makes for shallow conversations. It makes for shallow people.

Who benefits? …….(the Lenin version, Stalin can suck it.)

Why? Why all this shallowness? I know I keep saying it, but it is true from here. So I’ll say it again; it is so software developers can make more money. You have to look at who is profiting, here. Data and software are the top companies in the world, above oil. They have been for nearly a decade. That’s plenty of time to change the world if everyone has your device that tells them anything you want.

They have the tools, the talent, the budget.

It doesn’t take a rocket surgeon to figure out how to put you on a narrow grid of brand names, beliefs, income level, food preferences, etc.. It does take a data scientist. The software industry recognizes this. Why don’t the rest of us? They have data scientists with all of our data. If I was a big company, why wouldn’t I hire them to get my product moving, besides it being highly unethical? I have known plenty of business owners who find the law as like a green light/red light system. They seem to have no right and wrong sense of their own. Just “if it’s legal, let’s do it.” This is not a quality I look for in leadership, but obviously me and tons of Americans disagree.

It’s not just harvesting, it’s refining. Refining is $$

Data scientists spend on average 80 percent of their time refining and cleaning the data, (google :) ). That’s very important. Just like oil, which powered the industrial revolution, data requires refining to be worth what businesses pay for it. Unless you are a data scientist, you don’t know what to do with all the data collected. This puts a hinge in the process that pivots squarely on the backs of data contractors and data scientists. It might be hard to understand how they’re doing it. But it isn’t tough at all to see who is doing it. It’s them.

I know why you can’t think of lyrics like you used to. If you are like me, you know why too.

If you are like me and struggled for years at creative projects, I’d put down the phone and try it out. I am nearly a month without a cell phone. I write lyrics and play acoustic a lot more without it. Like I used to. That is more valuable to me than anything on profiles or a screen. I struggled with it for years. I shouldn’t have. A one month long test was all I needed. Don’t be like me. Experiment. It helps you think better.

There’s you and there’s the world. Finding a place doesn’t mean staying connected.

I have a lot of theories as to why this is. But we’re all different. I just think being connected to everyone in your brain is a lot like a drug. You probably think better after that illusion is shattered. It’s like a commercial in our heads 24/7. It is just you in there, after all.

Kintners Playlist Alert!!!

PS: I made a 25 song playlist on Subvert.fm of The Kintners stuff I like a lot. I listen to it. Just sharing if you’d like to check it out. Thanks.

Kelly Kintner – Producer, Songwriter

The Kintners, Djembe Funk (Subvert Links)

The hour later thought: Life is like the intro and safety rundown on a plane ride. They tell you to put your own mask on before saving someone. They do not tell you to punch them out and take their mask. I think a lot of folks hear the latter.

A few months ago, I was walking down 7th Street near the arena when a young woman approached me and asked if she could pray with me. Skeptical and curious, I agreed. As I listened to her prayer, I followed the meaning of her words: a plea that I might obtain salvation through her conception of the divine, the supreme, the ordered heaven she envisioned above. I thanked her, declined her invitation to join her religion, and walked on to breakfast another block away.

I did not think much of it at the time. But that evening, in my journal, I kept returning to the odd nature of the encounter — the strangeness of receiving an unrequested prayer on a random Tuesday, on a warm summer sidewalk, from a stranger who wished for my soul in the only way she knew. Nothing I write here is aimed at her. Her sincerity was not in question. What I noticed was the form of the gesture, and what it revealed about my own deliberate distance from it.

She sought, through religious authority, outward rite, and works ordered toward her own divine truth, a blessing and assurance of life beyond death. My interest of late, however, has lain elsewhere: in the deeper, inward act of direct apprehension of the eternal — an act which, as far as I can tell, involves no hierarchical heavenly order, no supreme being, and certainly no omniscient judge with, arguably, dubious designs on humanity.

What I’m pointing to is not a private certainty that entirely dispenses with tradition, practice, or responsibility. I mean a knowledge that completely alters the knower.

And in that knowing, the doing is transformed.

In such an encounter, the ego — with its fear, its self-protection, its claim to be the whole of the self — is metamorphosed. One is, in a meaningful sense, reborn: awakened to a reality that exceeds one’s prior ordinary perception, and wholly reoriented in one's relation to self, life, death, and other people.

Yet there’s a subtle risk.

An inward glimpse of the eternal, however small, cannot remain disembodied or self-confirming. The witness must carry its truth back into the world and give it form there: in humility, compassion, truthful speech, ethical action, and the patient work of sustaining life with others. At least, that is one ideal. Rites, teachings, and communal practices may therefore serve as conduits — through which insight is remembered, tested, and made answerable to consequence — rather than as guarantees purchased from authority and conformity. The inward revelation, however rare, becomes credible only because it teaches one to inhabit the world more truthfully, rather than ignoring or abolishing it.

That morning on 7th Street, I pondered the woman who prayed for my salvation as I drank my coffee. Perhaps we were reaching for the same thing — she from without, toward a heaven I do not see above; I from within, toward what was already closer than closeness, more real than real, more human than human. The difference is that her prayer asked me to leave where I stood. The knowing I trust and practice asks only that I live more truly within it.

#Intermundia

---

By D. Bowman Nomina Numina is a journal of reflections, moments, and meaning-making between worlds. Reply by email.

Fred Herzog, Man with Bandage, 1968 Courtesy Equinox Gallery and the Estate of Fred Herzog. Modified to remove bandage on face and mailbox changed from red to blue. Link to original.

Thoughts on the color red. In Aperture No. 260 there is an interesting article on the color red by Steven Shore. I took his experimen

Reflection 0 Belief is the first step to reconcile the past. I cannot speak for what is true. Not anymore. Can you? So, let's count down to the beginning of the end. What else can I do?

Mmmm... ma ma-ma mah...

-signalglade.org

Stay entertained thanks to our Weekly Tracker giving you next week's Anticipated Movies & Shows, Most Watched & Returning Favorites, and Shows Changes & Popular Trailers.

Anticipated Movies

• ☆ Pressure
• Drawn Together
• The Uprising
• The Fix
• Practical Magic 2
• Don't Move
• Runner

Anticipated Shows

• ☆ Last Seen
• The Drop: A Snowfall Saga
• Crew Girl
• Police in Love
• High Value Target: The Hunt for Saddam

Returing Favorites

• North of North — Season 2
• Jimmy Kimmel Live! — Season 25
• Mystery Science Theater 3000 — Season 14
• ☆ The Paper — Season 2
• The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives — Season 5

Trending Shows Status Changes

• Death of the Pastor's Wife — Returning Series → Ended
• The Early Spring — Ended → Returning Series
• Spider-Noir — Returning Series → Canceled

Most Watched Movies this Week

• +9 The Whisper Man
• new Coyote vs. Acme
• new Mayday
• -1 Spider-Man: Brand New Day
• -4 Mutiny
• new The Runner
• -5 Grand Theft Auto VI: An Extended Look
• = Obsession
• -4 The Invite
• -6 Toy Story 5

Most Watched Shows this Week

• = Silo
• = Lanterns
• = Reacher
• = Ted Lasso
• = Lioness
• +3 Furious
• -1 Stuart Fails to Save the Universe
• -1 Star Trek: Strange New Worlds
• new Dark Matter
• new The Gentlemen

Popular Trailers

• The reviews are in: audiences are under the spell of Practical Magic 2. — Practical Magic 2
• Which one are you? — One Night Only
• Season 4 Sneak Peek & Date Reveal [SPOILER WARNING] — Silo
• Original Trailer – 20th Anniversary — Cars
• IMAX Event — The Dog Stars
• Episode 8 Preview — Stuart Fails to Save the Universe
• Normal sibling relationships — Forgotten Island
• Big screams for the big screen. — Fall 2: Deadpoint
• In Cinemas SEPT 16 — Resident Evil
• Season 24 Official Trailer — NCIS

---

Hi, I’m Kevin 👋. Product Manager at Trakt and creator of Rippple. If you’d like to support what I'm building, you can download Rippple for Trakt, explore the open source project, or go Trakt VIP.

---