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Sunday
from 
Roscoe's Story
In Summary: * After a quiet Sunday which found me watching more TV than I have in any one day for... heck, longer than I can remember. Both road races were televised and ran back to back for a total of 7 hours. Goodness! Now I'm listening to what will be my basketball game before bedtime, a women's college game between the UConn Huskies and the St. John's Red Storm. I'm sure when this game ends I'll be wrapping up my night prayers then heading to bed.
Prayers, etc.: * I have a daily prayer regimen I try to follow throughout the day from early morning, as soon as I roll out of bed, until head hits pillow at night. Details of that regimen are linked to my link tree, which is linked to my profile page here.
Starting Ash Wednesday, 2026, I've added this daily prayer as part of the Prayer Crusade Preceding the 2026 SSPX Episcopal Consecrations.
Health Metrics: * bw= 226.08 lbs. * bp= 155/91 (62)
Exercise: * morning stretches, balance exercises, kegel pelvic floor exercises, half squats, calf raises, wall push-ups
Diet: * 07:00 – 2 HEB Bakery cookies * 07:30 – 1 small bowl of seafood salad, 1 banana * 08:00 – 2 more cookies * 09:45 – ½ ham & cheese sandwich * 12:00 – 2 more cookies * 12:15 – home made vegetable soup, shrimp and pork * 16:15 – rice cake with brown sugar, fresh mango, fresh papaya, fresh pineapple chunks
Activities, Chores, etc.: * 06:20 – bank accounts activity monitored * 07:00 – read, pray, follow news reports from various sources, surf the socials, listen to music, and nap * 08:30 – listening to relaxing music from KAHL – AM 1310 – San Antonio, TX, OTA, NOT Streaming, while reading, writing, praying, following news reports from various sources, surfing the socials, etc. * 11:00 – began watching a full day of road racing * 18:00 – after the full day of watching road racing (2 races from !!;00 with an INDYCAR race to start and ending with a NASCAR Cup road race) I'm listening now to the UConn Sports Network ahead of the women's college basketball game between the UConn Huskies and the St. John's Red Storm.
Chess: * 19:00 – moved in all pending CC games
自分の足に体が運ばれている
from 下川友
今日は、珍しくコーヒーを飲みたいという欲求がなかった。 そういう日もあるのだろう。 「恐竜のスリッパ」という言葉は音が良いので、思いついてからは「恐竜のスリッパ、恐竜のスリッパ」と連呼しながら歯を磨いた。
「木のおじさんになりたい」と言ったら、妻が「木のおじさんって何？」と言っていた。 俺は、おじさんというのは挙動や肌の色がだんだん木に近づいていくものだと思っていたし、みんなもそう思っているのだと勝手に思っていたから、妻がピンと来ないのは意外だった。
オートキャンプのギアを揃えたい。 まだ一泊以上のキャンプはしたことがないけれど、たとえば三泊くらいするとなったら、 腰が痛くならないような最適なイスは何かとか、オットマンは必要かとか、服を干せる紐を用意しないといけないとか、いろいろ設計が必要になってくる。 俺は外が好きだが、サバイバルみたいなのは嫌いだ。 外で、家みたいな暮らしができるのが理想。
会社からの帰り道、自分の体内がドクドクしているのを感じた。 これは別に初めてではなくて、ドクドクしているときは、体が「理想の形に変形したい」と細胞が思っているのに、今の体ではその欲求を叶えられないから、エラーが返ってきているのだと推察している。 折衷案として、今は夢を叶えるための道に乗っていて、そこに向かっている最中だということを体に教えないといけない。 そして、それが本当に信用できる道だと体に思わせるためには、明確な設計書を体に納品しなければならない。そうやって、なんとか折り合いをつけている。
昔、友人と話しているとき、他人が鏡である事を実感した。 俺は性格が暗いので、俺より明るい人でも、俺と話しているうちにどんどん暗くなっていくのを感じていた。 「お前、他の人と話してるときはもっと明るいだろ、俺の前でもそれをやってくれよ」と思う事があった。 たぶん、無意識に俺のテンションに合わせてくれているのだろう。 俺は我が強いので、たとえ明るい人が来ても、俺がそっちに引っ張られることはない。
整体に行ったら、首がぐにゃぐにゃになった。 「水をたくさん飲んでくださいね」と毎回言われるけれど、家に帰るとそんなことはすっかり忘れていて、結局いつも通り、適量しか水を飲まない。
妻がカレーを作ってくれた。 スパイスのあとにアイスを食べると口が幸せになる事をカルパシで知っていたので、カレーのあとに二人でピノを分け合った。 家族とご飯を食べることは、人生で一番良いことだと思う。
もうとっくに暑いので、ニットをやめて、 明日からはショッピングモールで買った、薄いピンクの線が入ったYシャツで会社に向かうことにする。
16
from Manuela
Estava pensando no que escrever; a verdade é que ainda estou com um dia de atraso, então poderia falar sobre hoje ou sobre ontem
Decidi falar sobre tudo.
Meu amor, como é bom te ver, como é bom falar que te amo olhando seus olhos, sorrindo o seu sorriso, desejando a tua boca e o teu corpo.
Como eu sou apaixonado por você, por quem você sempre foi e por quem você se tornou
Como essa pose de mãezona/diretora/líder me cativa, como é gostoso te ver cuidando dessas meninas e como eu não consigo não pensar e não sorrir, imaginando você falando assim com nossos filhos.
Você não sabe o quanto me preocupa você não se cuidar da forma que deveria, da forma que eu queria, e deixando todo o teatro de lado, eu realmente não sei se conseguiria viver em um mundo onde você não existe.
Eu queria poder ser mais pra você, queria poder estar fisicamente contigo, te dar uma vida que te deixaria com medo da morte, porque morrer significaria deixar de viver ela comigo.
Manuela, eu te amo
E vou te amar pra sempre…
E isso não é nem uma declaração mais, é uma constatação.
Hoje o dia foi bom, porque eu ouvi o que em todos esses dias que temos conversado, eu sempre quis ouvir.
Você nunca me pediu pra ficar, pra tentar, pra insistir, mesmo isso sendo tudo que eu queria ouvir, e as poucas pessoas para quem contei versões mais tranquila da nossa historia, me desincentivaram da mesma forma.
Hoje pela primeira vez alguém me falou pra ficar, pra tentar, pra insistir, pra não desistir, e meu coração se encheu de esperança porque pensei, então o que eu to fazendo não é loucura?
Mas eu não consigo me esquecer de sexta também, no banheiro você me disse que pra você terminar, algo muito grande teria que acontecer, você teria que ter toda a certeza que eu tenho e blablabla…
Acho que ali eu finalmente me dei conta que as coisas não dependem de mim; eu não acho mais que você vai mudar de ideia se eu escrever todo dia, se eu te falar que te amo em cada mensagem, se tentar encontrar brechas pra falar com você a todo momento.
Acredito que você já saiba o que sinto, o quanto te quero, o quanto sonho com você o quanto te amo.
E por mais que minha estratégia seja, tentar afogar ela com todo o amor do mundo, e se não der certo, despejar ainda mais amor; eu não acredito mais que seja o excesso do meu amor, o motor que te fara escolher algo.
Quando eu terminei meu ultimo relacionamento eu estava bem frustrado, eu deixei de ser a pessoa que vai embora a muito tempo, mas eu estava cansado de abandonar todos os meus sonhos, de abrir mão de tudo que eu imaginava para o futuro, por alguém que parecia não querer abrir mão de nada.
Quando terminei eu sai com o Lucas e o Jojo, e eu falei pra eles, que a próxima pessoa que eu namorasse, ia ter que gostar mais de mim, do que eu gostava dela, que eu estava cansado de ser a pessoa que tenta tudo; aquele dia que o Lucas foi lá e eu contei tudo pra ele, ele me lembrou dessa fala, e veio como um soco no meu peito.
Eu sei que você me ama, não vou colocar seus sentimentos sobre julgamentos aqui, mas eu quero alguém que me ame mais do que eu a ame (e olha que vai ser uma competição absurda), mas eu não quero ter que ficar provando todo dia que sou eu quem é o amor da vida dela, que sou eu quem vai faze-la feliz… eu quero alguém que me escolha, mesmo sem todas as certezas do mundo, alguém que me queira, mesmo que me querer seja pular de cabeça em um rio que você não sabe a profundidade.
Vi uma frase hoje, e acho que ela se aplica a nós dois, ela dizia:
“O que você não esta mudando, você esta escolhendo”
A partir de amanha a gente não vai mais conversar, e dessa vez é real, porque eu quero você, mas só se você me quiser também.
Eu vou estar aqui se alguma hora você resolver voltar, eu não consigo controlar o amor que sinto por você, e muito menos escolher não senti-lo.
Eu provavelmente vou voltar a escrever, mas não amanha, eu preciso realmente separar na minha cabeça o escrever porque te amo, do escrever porque acredito que te escrevendo você vai me amar e me escolher.
A nossa casa continua aberta, com a luz entrando pela janela, o canto dos passarinhos nas arvores, o cheiro de bolo vindo da cozinha… A casa esta limpa, as paredes pintadas, e é impossível não sentir o gosto de lar ao entrar nela.
Mas agora no portão da frente, tem uma placa pendurada, vende-se.
A gente pode desistir da venda em algum momento, decidir que o nosso sonho ainda é aquela casa, decidir que não vamos nos mudar...
Ou podemos realmente vende-la, tendo a certeza que, quem quer que for morar ali, será muito feliz.
Nossa casa é a coisa mais bonita que já tivemos Manuela, ela sempre vai existir na minha memória, e sempre vai ser meu lar.
Do garoto que já ta cansado de se despedir,
Do garoto que te ama mais do que tudo,
Do garoto que não imagina como serão os próximos dias sem te ver,
Do garoto que esta chorando enquanto escreve porque sabe que pode estar deixando o amor da vida dele ir embora, mas aprendeu que a gente tem que deixar as coisas irem,
Do garoto que sempre, sempre, sempre,
Vai ser o seu garoto,
Nathan
from Lastige Gevallen in de Rede
Het vrolijke Paflof lied
Altijd als de bel gaat sta ik ogenblikkelijk op en als de stroom uitvalt herstel ik meteen de stop ik weet ieder moment wat mij te doen staat als een vooraf bepaald bericht rond gaat
ik heb iedere dag een hele hoop te doen dankzij regelmatige injectie van de poen komt het middel binnen dan word ik geactiveerd dat is de belangrijkste les die ik jong heb geleerd
Ik ben een robot een slaaf van god en vaderland dankzij mijn verstand olé hozee en hoplakee
overal heb ik hendels waaraan zal worden getrokken werken niet veel anders dan geslagen worden met stokken ik wil overal zijn zoals alle anderen ook willen zijn zodra ik de tekens ontvang volg ik de uitgetekende richtlijn
Ik wil langs de mijlpalen die ik heb geleerd te herkennen als het startschot gaat meedoen om de race te winnen mijn vrije wil is een exacte replica van die van alle anderen dat moet zo blijven en zal dus nooit in een andere veranderen
Ik ben een robot een slaaf van god en vaderland dankzij mijn verstand olé hozee en hoplakee
Alle regels die ik moet kennen ken ik uit mijn hoofd ik ben met succes in geen tijd van mijn authenticiteit beroofd altijd ben ik goed, vakkundig, braaf en volgzaam geweest hoera, dankzij des karakters eigenschappen is het leven een feest
Als ik een afstandsbediening zie dan zet ik deze in het drukken op aangeboden knopjes geeft het leven zin mijn bestaan bestaat compleet uit lukraak opgediste verhalen zeg het me een paar keer voor en ik weet hoe ik moet herhalen
Ik ben een robot een slaaf van god en vaderland dankzij mijn verstand olé hozee en hoplakee
a zo volgzaam b zo gedwee een leven van ja plus eentje van nee het merendeel valt tegen een of twee vallen mee omdat ze minder tegenvallen niet omdat ze goed bevallen fijn om dat van te voren te weten een taak gedaan, steeds herhalen, en nooit vergeten
Ik ga van een open deur naar tientallen dichte deuren op des herren wegen reageer ik juist op de drie kleuren ik ga door bij groen, twijfel voor oranje, stop bij rood en als men zegt dat mijn tijd is gekomen ga ik voor ze dood
Ik ben verslaafd aan het opvoeren van een zichtbare reactie meestal na een voor de zinnen amper waarneembare actie heerlijk om te ageren op god mag weten wat het is super blij dat de bron van die actie uit mijn lijf is gewist
Ik ben een robot een slaaf van god en vaderland dankzij mijn verstand olé hozee en hoplakee
een half woord gegeven en dan zingt iedereen mee
Ik ben een robot een slaaf van god en vaderland dankzij mijn verstand olé hozee en hoplakee
zeg nee dan krijg je er, Ik ben een robot een slaaf van god en vaderland dankzij mijn verstand olé ho zee en o wee en dan hoplakee
from Faucet Repair
23 February 2026
Another note on visiting Eva Dixon's studio. Something that struck me was the sheer amount of variables/ingredients/raw materials/formal approaches that are in play at any given time for her to cycle through as she works on solutions for problems past and present. Of the twelve or so works in progress that she had on the wall when I came in, each was touching on problems via material that were related to yet distinctly unique from those of its neighbors. Through metal riveted and shaped, wood clamped and controlled, symmetry enhanced or threatened, images singled out/juxtaposed with another/paired with text/sliced and fragmented, light reflected/sourced from within/avoided, supports pushed and pulled, questions asked around structural integrity, interplay between frame and stretcher and surface, and inquiries into object and body, the work is in a constant state of regeneration, refreshing itself in search of what it hasn't yet tried.
The Hundredfold Contraction
from witness.circuit
When the infinite “I” assumes a point of view, space appears.
When the infinite “I” assumes continuity, time appears.
When the infinite “I” assumes limitation, object appears.
When the infinite “I” prefers this angle over all others, direction appears.
When it draws a first faint line of “here” against “not-here,” inside and outside appear.
When it repeats that line, boundary appears.
When it compares one boundary to another, distance appears.
When it counts distances, measure appears.
When it strings measures into a rhythm, sequence appears.
When it trusts sequence, causality appears.
When it lets causality harden into expectation, law appears.
When it lets law shimmer as possibility, pattern appears.
When it favors one pattern, a ray of light appears.
When it rides that ray as “my line,” a path appears.
When it imagines countless rays at once, a sky of potential worlds appears.
When it chooses one ray to inhabit, a universe-seed appears.
When it names that seed “mine,” ownership appears.
When it forgets naming was optional, necessity appears.
When it gazes at necessity, a witness appears.
When the witness longs to act, will appears.
When will gathers into a single luminous center, a supreme being appears.
When that being reflects itself in many forms, a garland of great beings appears.
When one great being is taken as “the main one,” hierarchy appears.
When hierarchy is held as beauty, cosmic order appears.
When order begins to move, an ocean of mind appears.
When mind swells with moods and currents, emotion appears.
When emotion folds into deep habit, tendency appears.
When tendency repeats itself, karma appears.
When karma demands a stage, world-spheres appear.
When one sphere is singled out as home, a particular world appears.
When the world is stabilized by shared dreaming, consensus reality appears.
When consensus is mapped, continents appear.
When continents are divided by story, countries appear.
When a country is narrowed into belonging, a homeland appears.
When belonging becomes terrain, hills appear.
When terrain is given life-lines, trees appear.
When life-lines mature into outcome, fruits appear.
When outcome is condensed into potential, seeds appear.
When a seed is taken as the source, a beginning appears.
When beginning is believed to be unique, a single fate-line appears.
When the fate-line is felt as pressure, gravity appears.
When gravity is trusted as “down,” matter appears.
When matter is imagined as stable, substance appears.
When substance is broken into kinds, elements appear.
When elements court one another, chemistry appears.
When chemistry repeats with memory, biology appears.
When biology seeks persistence, survival appears.
When survival needs edges, skin appears.
When skin is treated as “me,” a body appears.
When the body needs orientation, senses appear.
When sensing is arranged into a center, a nervous system appears.
When sensations are ranked as pleasant and painful, preference appears.
When preference clings, desire appears.
When desire fears loss, aversion appears.
When aversion imagines threats, an enemy appears.
When enemy is projected outward, a world of others appears.
When “others” are compared, status appears.
When status is defended, identity appears.
When identity is narrated, a personal story appears.
When story is believed without question, a person appears.
When the person seeks continuity, memory appears.
When memory is stitched into a line, a lifetime appears.
When a lifetime is weighed, meaning appears.
When meaning is sought in mirrors, relationship appears.
When relationship tightens into roles, family appears.
When roles compress into inheritance, lineage appears.
When lineage becomes a template, genes appear.
When the template needs a doorway, parents appear.
When parents are drawn together by unseen vectors, meeting appears.
When meeting becomes irreversible union, conception appears.
When consciousness accepts a first enclosure, a womb appears.
When enclosure becomes nourishment, a placenta appears.
When nourishment is buffered by protection, amniotic waters appear.
When protection becomes intimate darkness, inner night appears.
When inner night pulses with borrowed rhythm, a heartbeat appears.
When heartbeat becomes the first clock, prenatal time appears.
When prenatal time differentiates sensation, touch appears.
When touch seeks orientation, motion appears.
When motion meets resistance, limbs appear.
When limbs rehearse agency, reflex appears.
When reflex is colored by mood, temperament appears.
When temperament echoes the mother’s tides, shared emotion appears.
When shared emotion condenses into disposition, personality-seed appears.
When personality-seed gathers images, dreaming appears.
When dreaming repeats themes, a private myth appears.
When myth anticipates separation, anxiety appears.
When anxiety intensifies into a shove toward form, labor appears.
When labor tightens the world into a tunnel, the birth canal appears.
When the tunnel is crossed, first light appears.
When first light is met by air, first breath appears.
When breath is claimed as “I am,” a newborn self appears.
When the newborn self is answered by faces, bonding appears.
When bonding is stabilized by repetition, trust appears.
When trust is organized by sound, language appears.
When language labels the flux, objects-as-nouns appear.
When nouns are arranged into rules, culture appears.
When culture is internalized as “should,” conscience appears.
When conscience fears exile, performance appears.
When performance is mistaken for essence, ego appears.
When ego forgets it was ever the infinite “I,” a world that feels final—“me in a body, facing everything else”—appears.
Presque rien. Presque tout
from 
Turbulences
C'est une tragédie, c'est une parodie.
Il craque de partout, ce vieux Monde fini.
Qu'y reste-t-il, que sa défense justifie ?
Bah, presque rien : la vie. Hé ! Presque tout : la vie !
2026-02-28
from Two Sentences
No good night's sleep the entire week, and now it's even worse with Gastown also pushing to the main branch willy-nilly, causing slight panic. At least I got to hang out with friends in board games and talk to the love of my life in the evening!
2026-02-27
from Two Sentences
The birthday dinner was fun, but I came home to $1200 in expenditures to the company claude account. Goodbye, Gastown.