Four months in and things are starting to really progress!

We hit the four-month milestone, and we are starting to see some of the developmental expectations at this time. Specifically, a change in sleep patterns.

This started probably two weeks ago, so I'm a little worried where it will go from here. Our little one is a little harder to put to sleep, and when she wakes up in the middle of the night for a feed (we still aren't getting a full night's rest), she is a lot more vocal and aware.

But with this also comes a lot more hilarious moments. She's smiling, interacting, and almost laughing (I can't wait for that to happen). She also has a preference for her parents now over anyone else, which is a delicate balance because we don't want the attachment to be too strong.

Four months in, and I'm still learning. I have a feeling that will be the case for the rest of my life!

#personal

One of my pet peeves of living in America was how fresh herbs were treated like gold. You'd get less than an ounce of the stuff squished into a palm-sized plastic container for 2 bucks or more. Egypt has the opposite problem. Fresh herbs are in great abundance, and they're always sold in big bunches that go bad faster than you can put to use. So today, we are oven-drying rosemary for the first time. 4-6 hours apparently on the lowest setting for best results.

Writing is going oh so swell today.

“Conan in a trenchcoat.” – May just be the best line in this Frank Miller/Rick Rubin interview.

#journal #work #radar

We've got a couple kids in the neighborhood now. They were both born in December 2025, and I gave them both rattles. For Christmas 2026, I decided to make a couple toy cars for them, based on ones I saw that Crowie had made a few years ago.

There are a lot more details in the various pages making up the build, but after four cars, I think I've zeroed in on a pretty solid, playable toy, so I documented the build along with things I learned not to do along the way.

Making the individual parts:

1. Axles
2. Wheels
3. Body
4. Fenders
5. Assembly

The parts are all finished on their show surfaces before assembly. Ring-porous woods (oak and russian olive, mostly) get a coat of shellac, followed by sanding with progressively finer sandpaper. I typically work up the grits going 60, 120, 220, then 400. Then I finish using three to five coats of RMP Half & Half with a quick buff with 0000 steel wool after each coat cures. This leaves a pretty dang good matte surface.

And then Assembly, followed by touch-up to remove any glue squeeze-out and either a final coat or three of shellac, or a quick buff with carnauba wax.

Thanks for looking!

#ToyCars #contents

Putting the cars together isn't too complicated, but here is the order I do things in. Your mileage, as they say, may vary.

First I get the axles cut to length and shaped. See the Axles section for more if you don't remember it. For the length, I make the rear axle the width of the body, plus two rear wheels' worth, plus about 3-5mm (1/8-3/16 inch) to give them a little room to move. If the axle is a little long, that's better than a little short, since you'll be trimming the ends of the axle once the wheels are on.

The axle gets a small kerf, about ¾ the width of the wheel, sawed into each end of it, perpendicular to the grain. I then glue one wheel onto the axle and glue a wedge into the kerf. The wedges are normally cut to about a 14° angle (half of a 1:4 dovetail angle) and maybe an inch long. I mostly make them from oak offcuts, but sometimes use ash.

Once that's dried, I'll put the axle through the body of the car, and test how it rolls. If there are any catches, this is the last chance to fix them (short of drilling out an axle and making a new one, DAMHIKT). Then I put on the other wheel and wedge it. Make sure to clean up any squeeze-out on the axle, so it doesn't get into the body (again, DAMHIKT).

Then I repeat the whole deal with the front axle, which I generally give an extra mm or two in length beyond the body width plus the width of the two front wheels. I like having the front wheels spaced a little farther from the body, and have pondered putting in small spacers so they don't slop side-to-side, but haven't figured out a solution I'm happy with yet.

Once the glue holding the wheels on has set (at least a half-hour, but usually overnight), I'll get out a saw, and a knife or chisel and clean up the end of the axles and the wedges. Just saw the wedges and axles off a little proud of the wheel (a mm or so, or between 1/16 and 1/32 inch) and then taper the edges of the axle down to the wheel using the knife or chisel.

With both axles on and dried (I usually give them overnight), I can figure out where the alignment holes for the fenders go. I put one fender against the side of the body and clamp it in place where it looks good. I then turn it over and drill ⅛ inch (3mm) holes through the body and about ¼ inch (6mm) into the fender. One at the front and one at the back. These holes are just for alignment, but they're both in places where the fender is thin, so I'm careful to avoid partly missing the fender.

With the holes drilled in the body and one fender, I place skewers into the holes (no glue yet!) and remove the clamp. Then I align the second fender, matching it to the first, then remove the first fender, and clamp the second into place. I'll also make a light pencil line along the top of each fender at this stage so I can sand off any finish from the body below the line where the glue will need to stick the fender to the body. Then I drill through the exiting holes through the body and about ¼ inch into the second fender.

After the holes are drilled, it's time to clean up any extra finish on the body and inside of the fenders. I just use a piece of 60 grit sandpaper and make sure I've got a good surface to glue to without messing up any of the finish that will still be visible.

With that done, I apply glue to the body and inside of the fenders, glue skewers into the holes and the body, and put the fenders onto the car and clamp them in place. I'll come back the next day to clean off any squeeze-out and do a final inspection on the finish. There's always something that can use a little touch-up.

Finish to this point has just been oil, but now that everything is together, I will also apply a few coats of shellac. A wipe-on poly would work too. Just a little extra something to make it pretty for Christmas.

#toyCars #howTo #assembly

A practical guide to preparing, valuing, listing, and safely selling a used washing machine

Upgrading to a newer washing machine does not necessarily mean your old appliance has to become a burden. If it is still usable, selling it online can help you recover some of its value while giving another household the opportunity to use it. The key is knowing how to prepare the appliance, estimate a reasonable price, choose a suitable selling method, and complete the transaction safely.

1. Decide Whether Your Washing Machine Is Worth Selling

Before you list an appliance, check its overall condition. A washing machine that works reliably, has no major leaks, and has been reasonably maintained will generally be easier to sell than one requiring expensive repairs.

·        Check whether the machine starts and completes a normal wash cycle.

·        Look for water leakage around hoses, the door, and drainage connections.

·        Inspect the drum, lid or door, control panel, and power cable.

·        Note any unusual noise, vibration, or error codes.

·        Keep the model number, capacity, purchase details, and available accessories handy.

2. Clean and Prepare the Appliance

A clean appliance creates a better first impression and makes it easier for a buyer to assess its condition. Run an appropriate cleaning cycle, wipe the exterior, clean the detergent drawer, and remove visible residue. Allow the machine to dry properly before photographs or pickup.

3. Collect Important Details Before Listing

Potential buyers usually want to know the brand, model, washing capacity, type, approximate age, condition, and any known issues. Providing these details upfront can reduce unnecessary questions and make the listing more credible.

4. Understand What Affects Resale Value

The resale value of an old washing machine depends on several factors. Brand reputation, age, capacity, type, working condition, appearance, location, and demand can all influence the price. A well-maintained machine with clear documentation and useful accessories may attract more interest than a similar machine with missing information.

5. Take Clear Photos

Good photographs can make a significant difference when you sell a used washing machine online. Take photos in good lighting and show the front, sides, control panel, drum, model label, and any scratches or defects. Being transparent about imperfections helps set realistic expectations.

6. Choose the Right Way to Sell

There are several ways to sell an old washing machine. You can list it on a consumer marketplace and communicate directly with potential buyers, sell it through a used-appliance buyer, or use an online service that evaluates the appliance and arranges collection.

For people who prefer a simpler process, an established service can be useful when it provides a clear valuation, pickup arrangements, and a straightforward payment process. When comparing options, check the service area, payment terms, pickup conditions, and what happens if the appliance does not match the submitted details.

7. Write an Accurate Listing

Whether you are trying to sell a second hand washing machine through a marketplace or a specialist service, accurate information is important. Include the brand, model, capacity, type, approximate age, condition, working status, and any accessories. Avoid hiding faults simply to attract more enquiries.

8. Consider a Specialist Used-Appliance Service

If you do not want to manage individual buyer enquiries, another option is to use a specialist platform for selling old appliances. For example, Selsmart offers an online route for people looking to sell used appliances, including washing machines. A relevant service page can be linked from an article like this using descriptive anchor text such as “sell old washing machine” or “sell used washing machine online,” provided the publisher and site guidelines allow it.

9. Protect Your Home and Personal Information

When arranging a private sale, avoid sharing unnecessary personal information. Confirm the buyer or service provider, keep communication records, and be cautious of payment links or requests for sensitive banking information. For doorstep collection, agree on the pickup details in advance and make sure the appliance is accessible without creating unnecessary safety risks.

10. Prepare the Washing Machine for Pickup

Disconnect the appliance according to the manufacturer's instructions, remove remaining water where appropriate, secure loose parts, and keep accessories together. If the machine needs to be moved through a narrow doorway or down stairs, check the collection requirements beforehand.

11. What If Selling Is Not the Best Option?

A machine that is severely damaged or uneconomical to repair may have limited resale value. In that situation, responsible recycling or disposal may be more appropriate. Large appliances contain materials that can be recovered, so avoid leaving them as ordinary household waste where local rules provide separate disposal or recycling options.

12. Final Checklist Before You Sell

·        Confirm that the machine's condition is accurately described.

·        Record the brand, model, capacity, and approximate age.

·        Clean the appliance and photograph it clearly.

·        Remove personal items from the machine and surrounding area.

·        Compare the selling method, pickup process, and payment terms.

·        Keep relevant accessories and documentation together.

·        Do not share unnecessary personal or financial information.

Conclusion

Selling an old washing machine online can be a practical way to recover value before upgrading to a newer appliance. The process becomes easier when you prepare the machine, provide accurate information, set realistic expectations, and choose a selling method that fits your needs. Whether you use a marketplace or a specialist service, transparency and safe transactions should remain the priorities.

 

First published in 2008, this article explains how relationships effect our minds—and those around us…

This edition of The Doctor’s Notes deconstructs quantum entanglements—and how to break them. This is where engenetics^.org comes in, and how we can help.

Entropic Resonances and Quantum Entanglements

As with any solution to a problem, you must first understand what the problem is before you can find a solution to implement. While all educated and enlightened individuals may have heard of entropic resonances and quantum entanglements, few truly understand what these phenomena are—and their implications.

At their core, entropic resonances are the transference of psychic energy between individuals and through time, past and future. This energy is captured or released from the individual’s own psychic quantum energy levels. It is important to understand that entropic resonances behave with both wave and particle properties as well.

When these waves of energy behave in a xenharmonic manner, the probability for what is known as a ‘quantum entanglement’ increases significantly, by many orders of magnitude.

When these waves of energy behave in a xenharmonic manner, the probability for what is known as a “quantum entanglement” increases significantly, by many orders of magnitude. Quantum entanglements, when they occur, can gain positive or negative spin energy from their particle-like behavior. While this spin behavior can also impart information, the focus of this discussion is on the impacts of the positive or negative energy itself.

Quantum entanglements that have positive spin provide an energy source for that individual. Also known as “+QEs,” positive quantum entanglements take the form of productive, nurturing interpersonal relationships. These can be easily seen as strong friendships, healthy relationships or loving family units. The important thing to remember is that +QEs are a vital energy source for the individual involved, and are key to a healthy life.

Quantum entanglements that have a negative spin (-QEs), on the other hand, are an energy drain. Whether this is considered an energy drain or a just a form of negative energy, the end result is an energy loss for the individual. This energy loss can have extremely detrimental effects on the physical and psychic well-being of the individual. Just look at all of the physical and emotional impacts of the stresses of bad relationships—a classic example of a -QE.

Impacts on Health and Happiness

Each of these impacts can lead to decreased health, psychic well-being and just plain unhappiness. The increased stress of the energy loss takes place outside of the plastic region of quantum levels, and is therefore physically dangerous. With that said, while +QEs should be sought out and cultivated, -QEs must be identified and broken whenever possible.

At its most simplistic level, the issue is still an energy balance problem...

How this can be accomplished has been the focus of a large amount of study, testing, computer modeling and individual evaluation for the last thirty years. At its most simplistic level, the issue is still an energy balance problem: the goal is to break the energy bonds found in quantum entanglements—which requires energy, and this energy must be found in a reduction of energy loss or an increase of positive energy found.

This axiom is true because quantum entanglements are just that—energy that has been constrained in a manner that does not allow the release of energy in a free-flowing manner. When this happens, the quantum energy levels of the two individuals become, in effect, bound together. Breaking that bond requires a tremendous amount of psychic energy.

What Can You Do?

There are two avenues that you can utilize to break these destructive bonds, and free up your psychic energy for a healthier life. These attack the problem from both ends of the energy balance equation: reduce the negative energy while increasing the positive energy. By systematically implementing these changes in a quick strike manner, you can break the quantum entanglements holding you back.

This is the single most important aspect of breaking quantum entanglements.

On one end, the you must limit or even remove the negative energy that is coming into—or being drained from—your quantum levels. This is the single most important aspect of breaking quantum entanglements. To do this, you must gain a concrete lock on your personal firewall and block the energy loss.

Make no mistake. Maintaining focus on your Heisenberg center in order to improve your personal firewall while in the face of the severe emotional stresses that -QEs impart takes courage, dedication and a strong will to improve. It is not easy.

On the other end of the equation, you should tap into the vast positive energy reserve found in the entropic energy collective. This energy store will allow you to bring in positive energy that will allow you to break the bonds that were weakened through the limiting of negative energy.

This positive energy is also important in helping you to make positive changes in your life, such as leaving an abusive relationship or standing up to an argumentative family member. You will need all of the energy you can get.

Knowledge Is the Key

As with any other problem, knowledge is the key. Knowledge that the problem exists, knowledge of how to solve the problem—and knowledge of how to implement the solution to the problem.

With understanding comes enlightenment... and a call to action. The knowledge that quantum entanglements are at the heart of destructive relationships is a start. Understanding what they are and how to break those bonds is the next step, and one that will lead you to a better, healthier and happier life.

To learn more about quantum entanglements, and how to make productive, effective changes in your life to breaks these psychic bonds, contact your local engenetics^.org representative today, if not sooner.

We have a number of training and educational facilities throughout the world, and are ready to help you break through and be the person you could be. And as always, remember: only you can help make the future a reality—today! Ω

Dr. M. E. Tabyánan Executive Director and Founder The Center for engenetics^.org Studies

“Psychologists incorrectly attribute this to the collective unconsciousness.” —Emotional Information Drives Quantum Entanglements (2009)

---

Ask The Doctor!

Question: Can I just leave my family? —Karen Boulder, Los Angeles CA, USA The Doctor: You can, but only with caution. If you have +QEs (positive, healthy relationships) it would be mentally and physically damaging to break those bonds. If you have negative quantum entanglements, those bonds must be broken, but it is extremely difficult. A better solution is to examine those -QEs and seek a way of improving the relationships.

---

What Others Are Saying

“The people at The Center truly are... my family…” —Quincy Eaker, Kansas City, KS, USA

“I cannot believe that these people are persecuting Doctor Tabyánan!” —Joshua Green, Boston, MA, USA

“The money that I have spent on help from engenetics.org is so well spent—they have made me the person I am today!” —Belinda Johnson, London, England

---

#thedoctorsnotes #entropicresonances #quantumentanglements #entropicenergycollective #heisenbergcenters

A practical guide to preparing, valuing, listing, and safely selling a used washing machine

Upgrading to a newer washing machine does not necessarily mean your old appliance has to become a burden. If it is still usable, selling it online can help you recover some of its value while giving another household the opportunity to use it. The key is knowing how to prepare the appliance, estimate a reasonable price, choose a suitable selling method, and complete the transaction safely.

1. Decide Whether Your Washing Machine Is Worth Selling

Before you list an appliance, check its overall condition. A washing machine that works reliably, has no major leaks, and has been reasonably maintained will generally be easier to sell than one requiring expensive repairs.

·        Check whether the machine starts and completes a normal wash cycle.

·        Look for water leakage around hoses, the door, and drainage connections.

·        Inspect the drum, lid or door, control panel, and power cable.

·        Note any unusual noise, vibration, or error codes.

·        Keep the model number, capacity, purchase details, and available accessories handy.

2. Clean and Prepare the Appliance

A clean appliance creates a better first impression and makes it easier for a buyer to assess its condition. Run an appropriate cleaning cycle, wipe the exterior, clean the detergent drawer, and remove visible residue. Allow the machine to dry properly before photographs or pickup.

3. Collect Important Details Before Listing

Potential buyers usually want to know the brand, model, washing capacity, type, approximate age, condition, and any known issues. Providing these details upfront can reduce unnecessary questions and make the listing more credible.

4. Understand What Affects Resale Value

The resale value of an old washing machine depends on several factors. Brand reputation, age, capacity, type, working condition, appearance, location, and demand can all influence the price. A well-maintained machine with clear documentation and useful accessories may attract more interest than a similar machine with missing information.

5. Take Clear Photos

Good photographs can make a significant difference when you sell a used washing machine online. Take photos in good lighting and show the front, sides, control panel, drum, model label, and any scratches or defects. Being transparent about imperfections helps set realistic expectations.

6. Choose the Right Way to Sell

There are several ways to sell an old washing machine. You can list it on a consumer marketplace and communicate directly with potential buyers, sell it through a used-appliance buyer, or use an online service that evaluates the appliance and arranges collection.

For people who prefer a simpler process, an established service can be useful when it provides a clear valuation, pickup arrangements, and a straightforward payment process. When comparing options, check the service area, payment terms, pickup conditions, and what happens if the appliance does not match the submitted details.

7. Write an Accurate Listing

Whether you are trying to sell a second hand washing machine through a marketplace or a specialist service, accurate information is important. Include the brand, model, capacity, type, approximate age, condition, working status, and any accessories. Avoid hiding faults simply to attract more enquiries.

8. Consider a Specialist Used-Appliance Service

If you do not want to manage individual buyer enquiries, another option is to use a specialist platform for selling old appliances. For example, Selsmart offers an online route for people looking to sell used appliances, including washing machines. A relevant service page can be linked from an article like this using descriptive anchor text such as “sell old washing machine” or “sell used washing machine online,” provided the publisher and site guidelines allow it.

9. Protect Your Home and Personal Information

When arranging a private sale, avoid sharing unnecessary personal information. Confirm the buyer or service provider, keep communication records, and be cautious of payment links or requests for sensitive banking information. For doorstep collection, agree on the pickup details in advance and make sure the appliance is accessible without creating unnecessary safety risks.

10. Prepare the Washing Machine for Pickup

Disconnect the appliance according to the manufacturer's instructions, remove remaining water where appropriate, secure loose parts, and keep accessories together. If the machine needs to be moved through a narrow doorway or down stairs, check the collection requirements beforehand.

11. What If Selling Is Not the Best Option?

A machine that is severely damaged or uneconomical to repair may have limited resale value. In that situation, responsible recycling or disposal may be more appropriate. Large appliances contain materials that can be recovered, so avoid leaving them as ordinary household waste where local rules provide separate disposal or recycling options.

12. Final Checklist Before You Sell

·        Confirm that the machine's condition is accurately described.

·        Record the brand, model, capacity, and approximate age.

·        Clean the appliance and photograph it clearly.

·        Remove personal items from the machine and surrounding area.

·        Compare the selling method, pickup process, and payment terms.

·        Keep relevant accessories and documentation together.

·        Do not share unnecessary personal or financial information.

Conclusion

Selling an old washing machine online can be a practical way to recover value before upgrading to a newer appliance. The process becomes easier when you prepare the machine, provide accurate information, set realistic expectations, and choose a selling method that fits your needs. Whether you use a marketplace or a specialist service, transparency and safe transactions should remain the priorities.

If we have a dryer day today than yesterday, we will get more boxes and bags of smaller items hauled over to the trailer. At the moment there is steady rain on the Southside of town, and storms moving through the Northside. Where we are, the near Eastside of SA, it's only lightly misting. And where we're moving to is just a little bit, a five to seven minute drive, farther east. We can move via the car in this.

The wife is at work now and probably won't be back here until Noon. Hopefully we can resume our moving then.

And the adventure continues.

The $100,000 Visa Fee and the Question Underneath It

This week a second federal judge blocked the $100,000 fee the Trump administration placed on new H-1B visas, and I have been turning it over in my head ever since. Not because I have a tidy answer on immigration, but because the case forces a question I think we skip too often. Before we argue about whether a policy is good, who actually gets to make it?

Some background. The H-1B program lets American employers hire foreign workers in specialized fields like engineering, software, and medicine. Congress caps new visas at 85,000 a year, and for years the filing costs ran a few thousand dollars. Then a presidential proclamation in September 2025 added a $100,000 charge to new petitions. In August, the Department of Homeland Security proposed making it permanent at $103,265, according to KFF.

This week, Judge Haywood Gilliam in Oakland ruled that the agencies skipped the rulemaking steps the law requires and blocked them from enforcing the fee until they follow that process, as JURIST and Bloomberg Law reported. The lead plaintiff was Global Nurse Force, a California nurse recruiting firm. A judge in Boston found the policy unlawful in June. A judge in Washington sided with the administration last year. With the courts split, most observers expect this to end up at the Supreme Court.

I want to be fair to the case for the fee, because it is not made up. The White House says the fee protects “Americans from cheap, foreign labor,” as CBS News reported. A 2024 Heritage Foundation analysis found H-1B workers earn significantly less than their American counterparts, and that tying a worker's visa to one employer makes it hard for that worker to leave or bargain. Even economists who oppose the fee, like Rutgers labor economist Jennifer Hunt, told CBS that native born programmers could see some job gains in the near term. Anyone who has watched a company lay off a team and then backfill the work through an outsourcing firm understands why this hits a nerve.

But I keep coming back to who actually pays a flat $100,000. A large firm can absorb it or route around it. A small employer cannot. The government's own regulatory analysis, as cited by Hoodline, estimated that about 76 percent of small businesses filing cap-subject H-1B petitions would take a hit of more than 1 percent of their annual revenue. Bloomberg Law reported back in February that few businesses were paying the fee at all, which tells me it worked less like a toll and more like a wall.

The story that stuck with me came from KFF Health News, which visited a small hospital in Hettinger, North Dakota, a town of about 1,000 people. The hospital had been trying to hire a lab technician and received more than 30 applications from the Philippines and Nigeria, and none from American citizens. That is not a hospital replacing Americans with cheaper labor. That is a hospital trying to keep its lab open. George Mason economist Michael Clemens warned CBS that the policy could “choke off job opportunities for the people it is supposed to help,” and in places like Hettinger, I can see how.

So on the substance, I end up somewhere in the middle. I think the wage concerns are real and worth fixing. I also think a single flat price is a blunt tool that lands hardest on the employers with the fewest alternatives, and does less than it promises against the ones who actually game the system.

What I feel more strongly about is the process. The Gilliam ruling is not really a verdict on whether H-1B reform is a good idea. It says that if the government wants to rewrite the economics of a program Congress designed, it has to follow the rules: publish its reasoning, take public comment, and weigh the costs. The plaintiffs also argued that a charge this size is effectively a tax, and only Congress can tax.

I would feel the same way if this were a policy I liked. Rules made by proclamation can be unmade by the next proclamation. Employers, hospitals, and the workers themselves cannot plan around a rule that might flip with every election or every court ruling. Real reform, like raising wage floors or cracking down on firms that flood the visa lottery, would be more durable and more legitimate coming from Congress, out in the open, with people on the record.

That may be the least exciting take available on a hot-button issue. But I have come to think boring and durable beats bold and fragile.

Thoughts? Reach me at danielk@outlook.com.

a limping raven the size of a god or the bird named for an umbrella, it was so large it must have been raining dogs. And speaking of which, there was a German Shepherd slinking around, looking for something to kill — must be the sign of the times.

But nothing was worse than the dream of my newly dead, beloved dog, and me picking up pads and towels with tiny drops of blood on them, like amateur Jackson Pollocks on a poor man's canvas, in a frenzy, like the ones, that are still outside, dotting the concrete across two patios. Seems I am always chasing death.

#poetry

Eyeing my reading corner aspirationally until Ikea get their shit together and restock the chair's cushioning, which they only informed me was out of stock the day of delivery. A full week after I'd originally ordered it.

Haven't even had a chance to put this part of the space to any use and Tiger has already mauled one end of the rug to shreds. Comes with the territory of being chosen by a cat, I guess. And I really do need to have that tinted glass replaced. Fall is here and the sun has already shifted to where it seldom enters the space.

Given the above situation, not much reading has been getting done (I'm not great at reading in bed), but I did manage to write 11,451 words in September. Looking to churn out much more through October. Very little drawing this month. Hopefully I'm not too rusty by the time I do return to the drawing board.

STATUS:

#work #journal #studio

… is always a time of nostalgia for me. I was feeling it yesterday while meandering through paths and back streets between here and PetSmart. The trees are turning. A slight chill in the breeze. Daylight slightly dimmed. It was also a weekday morning so it was pretty quiet. Although I was on a back street in this city; I found myself thinking of the village of my childhood. Halloweens and thanksgiving dinners of the distant past. When we were all together, and young. And alive.

Then back to the now. I thought of all that has happened between autumn last year and now. Of course at the forefront is the death of my father. I don't know why exactly, but my mind goes back often to leaving the hospital on that frigid February morning.

The hospital doors whooshed open. The five of us passed through. Me and my two brothers, my sister in law, and my mother. It was snowing, no wind. Still hours from sunrise, just minutes after he had passed. All of us were freezing, sad, and exhausted.

Sudden scraping rumble of a snowplow in the dark somewhere out of sight but not far away. The shocking cold felt good after all those hours in the hot stuffy silent palliative care ward. Odd where the mind goes sometimes. This is the first time I've typed about that particular moment even though that moment is one I think of often.

Now I don't know what to do with this thought made into words. What else to type. His life had just ended, and then at that moment ours began to go on... I guess. As we do. Life goes on. So they say. We talked about getting together later in the day after some sleep, and about how to get out of the parking lot with the pay card one of the hospital staff had given my mother. So fucking normal. But not.

la tua faccia da bandito

Twelve masked banditos, tearing across a plain on their jet-black steeds All is still but for the rippling muscles of the horses they whisper on.

Twelve pairs of mascara eyes staring straight through the prairies of wafting clovers, To a company of carriages entering the town of bejewelled steeples.

Twelve pairs of nostrils twitching in unison, aroused by the horse sweat, fear, And trampled flowers, rising from underneath their high stirrups.

Twenty four eardrums daily murdered by humming flies and biting mosquitoes, Or some blown out by pistols discharging in the close skirmishes at dusk.

Twelve hearts assailed by the fear that, were they to close their eyes, behind their masks, Inwardly they would drown in the crush of their brotherly love.

Twelve lidless banditos riding, and whispering to their horses, before the sweetly smelling clovers.

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An interesting thing about travel is that we meet different people who remind us of the same things.