Seeing people as Jesus sees them becomes difficult for me when the label feels safer than the person.

I can say that people are complicated. I can believe in grace, forgiveness, human dignity, and the possibility of transformation. I can write about the way Jesus looked beyond reputations and failures. Then someone disappoints me, hurts someone I care about, says something cruel, acts dishonestly, or reveals a side of themselves I did not expect, and I understand why labels are so tempting. This free Christian book about the human face Jesus never lost was written from that difficult place where compassion must remain honest and truth must remain human.

The deeper reframe is explored in this Christian companion about why a description should never be allowed to replace the person. That is the part I keep returning to. A label may tell me something important. It may help me name a pattern, recognize danger, understand a wound, or make a decision. It becomes a problem when I start asking the label to see the person for me.

I know how quickly that can happen.

A person lies, and I no longer think about what they lied about, whether they confessed, or whether anything has changed. They become a liar.

A person acts selfishly, and every later decision becomes evidence that selfishness is the center of who they are.

Someone leaves, and I decide they were never loyal.

Someone stays silent when I needed them, and I decide they never cared.

A leader fails, and I decide everything that leader ever did must have been false.

The label gives me relief because it makes the story simple.

I no longer have to hold good and bad in the same memory.

I no longer have to admit that someone may have loved me and still harmed me.

I no longer have to wonder whether a person can be responsible and wounded at the same time.

I no longer have to consider that someone might change without becoming safe for me again.

The label answers everything.

That is exactly why I have to be careful with it.

I Want People to Be Easier to Understand

There are days when I wish people were consistent enough to fit inside one sentence.

It would make relationships easier.

I would know whom to trust.

Whom to avoid.

Whom to forgive.

Whom to believe.

Whom to stop waiting for.

But people do not stay neatly inside one version of themselves.

A person can be generous and jealous.

Loving and controlling.

Honest in one area and deeply dishonest in another.

Brave in public and frightened in private.

Compassionate toward strangers and impatient with family.

A person may sincerely mean a promise and still break it later.

Someone may regret what they did and remain unprepared to change.

Another person may appear emotionally calm while doing the hard work of repentance quietly.

We want the visible reaction to tell us the entire truth.

Tears mean sincerity.

Silence means coldness.

Confidence means honesty.

Anxiety means guilt.

None of those conclusions is always reliable.

I have seen people cry because they were exposed rather than because they understood the harm.

I have seen people struggle to show emotion while taking responsibility seriously.

I have seen apologies delivered beautifully and followed by the same behavior.

I have seen awkward, imperfect apologies become the beginning of real change.

People are difficult to read because human beings can hide from others and from themselves.

Jesus did not have that limitation.

He knew what people were carrying. He knew where fear, pride, greed, grief, shame, love, and ambition were moving inside them.

Yet His complete knowledge did not make Him more eager to humiliate.

That challenges me.

I sometimes act as though greater knowledge should make me harsher. Once I know what someone did, I feel I have earned the right to reduce them.

Jesus knew more and saw more.

He told the truth without needing contempt.

The Label Can Make My Anger Feel Righteous

Anger can be honest.

It can tell me that something valuable was violated.

A promise mattered.

A person mattered.

A boundary mattered.

Truth mattered.

There have been moments in my life when anger was the first emotion strong enough to break through denial. It helped me see that something should not continue. It helped me stop explaining away behavior that needed to be faced.

I do not believe Christianity requires people to become emotionally indifferent to harm.

Jesus became angry at religious hardness. He confronted people who used power, hypocrisy, and public judgment to make human beings invisible.

The problem is not always that I am angry.

The problem is what I begin allowing anger to do.

Anger may start by saying, “This was wrong.”

Then it says, “This person is only what they did.”

Then it says, “Anything that hurts them is justice.”

That final movement is dangerous.

I can begin calling cruelty honesty because the original offense was real.

I can repeat a story beyond the places where it protects or informs anyone.

I can add assumptions because they make the person easier to condemn.

I can feel disappointed if consequences do not appear severe enough.

I can say I want accountability while secretly wanting humiliation.

The label helps me hide that shift.

If the person is nothing but a betrayer, a hypocrite, an abuser, a liar, or an enemy, then almost any emotional response begins feeling justified.

I do not have to ask what hatred is doing inside me.

I only have to remember what they did first.

Jesus never allowed someone else’s sin to become permission for His own.

That may be one of the clearest differences between His way and mine.

People lied about Him.

He did not lie.

People mocked Him.

He did not build His identity around destroying them.

People betrayed and denied Him.

He did not become incapable of seeing humanity in response.

He remained Himself.

That does not mean He remained silent in every situation. Jesus challenged injustice. He asked why He had been struck. He exposed the false motives of people trying to trap Him.

He did not confuse love with becoming passive.

He refused to become what people did to Him.

That is the freedom I want.

I Can See the Person and Still Walk Away

One of the reasons people resist this message is understandable.

We are afraid that seeing the person behind the behavior will pull us back into a relationship that harmed us.

We know their childhood.

Their wounds.

Their loneliness.

Their fear of abandonment.

Their mental health struggles.

Their history with addiction.

Their insecurity.

Their family patterns.

We understand why they became controlling, dishonest, angry, or emotionally unavailable.

Understanding can become the rope that keeps us tied to what is hurting us.

I have to remind myself that compassion does not create an unlimited claim upon my life.

I can understand why someone became unsafe and still recognize that they are unsafe.

I can believe there is pain beneath the behavior and refuse to remain where the behavior continues.

I can hope the person receives help without becoming the help they are willing to use.

I can pray for repentance without volunteering to become the person who evaluates it.

I can forgive and still say no.

This is not a smaller form of love.

Sometimes it is the only honest form still available.

I think about the rich man who came to Jesus asking what he needed to do. The Gospel tells us Jesus looked at him and loved him.

Then Jesus told him the truth.

The man walked away.

Jesus allowed him to go.

That moment keeps love from becoming control.

Jesus did not say, “Because I love you, I will reduce the cost until you stay.”

He did not chase the man with guilt.

He did not make the man’s departure proof that the conversation had failed.

He loved.

He told the truth.

He respected the choice.

I do not always know how to do that.

When I care about someone, I want the outcome.

I want them to listen, change, return, stop drinking, leave the harmful relationship, tell the truth, receive treatment, repair the family, come back to faith, or finally understand what they are doing.

Wanting that outcome may come from love.

Trying to force it may turn love into control.

There is a point where I have to admit that another person’s will is not mine.

I can establish consequences.

I can stop supporting destruction.

I can protect people.

I cannot become another person’s decision.

Jesus is the Savior.

I am not.

I Do Not Need to Prove Someone Is Entirely Bad

I have noticed that people sometimes build a total case against someone before they feel permitted to establish a boundary.

One harmful act is not enough.

We gather every memory.

We reinterpret every kind moment.

We begin saying the whole relationship was false.

Perhaps we believe that if anything good existed, leaving would be unfair.

But a boundary does not require me to prove that another person has no good qualities.

Someone can have loved me in real ways and still become unsafe.

A leader can have helped people and still be unfit for authority.

A friend can have shared meaningful years with me and still betray the trust required for closeness.

A parent can have sacrificed and still have caused harm.

A spouse can have shown tenderness and still have destroyed the marriage through repeated dishonesty.

The good does not make the harmful pattern acceptable.

The harm does not always make every good memory imaginary.

That mixture is painful.

A total label helps me avoid grieving it.

If everything was false, I can discard the story.

If everything was real, I may feel pressure to remain.

Sometimes the truth is that something real existed and something real was broken.

I may have to leave without rewriting the entire relationship.

That kind of ending is harder because it allows grief to remain.

I am not only grieving the person who hurt me.

I am grieving the person they sometimes were.

The future I believed we might have.

The parts of the relationship I cannot honestly call meaningless.

A label protects me from that sorrow.

Jesus invites me to tell the truth.

Forgiveness Does Not Owe Anyone Access

I have heard forgiveness described as though it were a door that must be reopened.

The person apologizes.

I forgive.

Everything returns.

That idea sounds beautiful until the relationship involved danger, manipulation, repeated betrayal, or a serious misuse of power.

Forgiveness is not a relationship contract.

It does not automatically restore trust.

It does not guarantee contact.

It does not require the wounded person to offer the former role again.

A person can be forgiven and remain outside leadership.

Forgiven and still incarcerated.

Forgiven and still divorced.

Forgiven and still unable to enter someone’s home.

Forgiven and still required to communicate through a third party.

Forgiven and still responsible for restitution.

Trust belongs to the person who must risk it.

No one can demand that risk in the name of Jesus.

The person seeking forgiveness may feel that the boundary proves grace has not been given. That conclusion often reveals what they actually wanted.

Not forgiveness.

Recovery of access.

Recovery of reputation.

Recovery of the old life.

True repentance has to become willing to live without controlling the outcome.

A person may have to accept that the marriage will not return.

That the former victim will never want contact.

That leadership is permanently over.

That some people will always remember the failure.

The changed person can still choose honesty.

They can become safer.

They can respect the boundary.

They can live faithfully outside the role.

They can stop making the wounded person responsible for proving that transformation is real.

That kind of humility speaks more loudly than repeated claims of change.

I Have Used Labels Against Myself Too

The easiest person for me to imprison with a label may be myself.

I remember a decision.

A failure.

A season when I did not act like the person I believed I was.

Then shame takes the memory and gives me a name.

Weak.

Fool.

Failure.

Unlovable.

Coward.

Too late.

The label can sound like honesty because the evidence is real.

I did fail.

I did remain silent.

I did miss the opportunity.

I did trust someone I should not have trusted.

I did stay longer than I now believe I should have stayed.

I did say something I wish I could take back.

The event is real.

Shame turns the event into prophecy.

Because I failed then, I will fail now.

Because I was deceived once, I cannot trust my judgment.

Because someone rejected me, I must be rejectable.

Because I was weak under pressure, weakness is my permanent identity.

Jesus does not restore an imaginary version of me who never failed.

He restores the person who did.

That matters.

Peter could not return to being the man who had never denied Jesus.

That man no longer existed.

He stood beside another fire carrying the memory of the courtyard.

Jesus did not ask him to erase the past.

He asked about love.

Then He called Peter toward responsibility.

Grace did not say the denial was small.

Grace said the denial was not the end.

I need that distinction.

I do not need a faith that tells me nothing was wrong.

I need a Savior who can tell the whole truth and still call me forward.

Self-forgiveness is not saying I was innocent.

It is saying my private sentence does not possess more authority than Jesus.

I still may need to apologize.

Accept consequences.

Return what I took.

Correct what I said.

Receive treatment.

Step away from a role.

Respect someone else’s distance.

Grace does not free me from responsibility.

It frees me to take responsibility without believing responsibility requires permanent self-hatred.

Some People Will Never See Me Differently

There may be people who know only my worst moment.

Or people who knew me during one season and decided the season was the whole person.

I may explain.

Apologize.

Change.

Live differently.

They may never revise the conclusion.

Sometimes that is because the wound remains real to them. Their caution may be understandable. They are not required to participate in my restoration.

Sometimes people preserve an old version of us because it protects something within them.

If I remain the problem, they do not need to examine their own behavior.

If I remain weak, they remain strong.

If I remain dependent, they remain necessary.

If I remain guilty, they remain morally above me.

I cannot control what someone needs to believe about me.

That is painful because I want to be seen accurately.

Jesus understands what it means to stand before people committed to a false conclusion.

He spoke when truth required it.

He remained silent when words would only feed the performance.

He did not allow the room to decide who He was.

I may need to learn the same freedom.

There are times to correct the record.

Times to provide evidence.

Times to appeal a decision.

Times to confront a false accusation.

There may also be a time to stop trying to force understanding.

God knows.

The people closest to the truth may know.

The life I build from here can carry its own witness.

I do not need every person to agree with the truth before truth becomes real.

I Can Misread Silence

I have learned not to trust every interpretation I make of another person’s silence.

Silence can be indifference.

It can also be fear.

Exhaustion.

Confusion.

Shame.

A belief that speaking will make the situation worse.

A history of not being heard.

A person may withdraw because they are controlling the relationship through emotional absence.

Another person may withdraw because every attempt at honesty became another argument.

The outward action looks similar.

The inner story may be different.

I do not always know which one I am seeing.

This is why questions matter.

“What happened?”

“What did you hear me say?”

“What do you need?”

“What are you afraid will happen if you tell me the truth?”

The answer may not change the decision.

A boundary may remain necessary.

A person may still be responsible for the way they handled the situation.

Questions keep me from claiming knowledge I do not possess.

Jesus asked people questions even when He understood them more completely than I ever will.

What do you want Me to do for you?

Do you want to be made well?

Why are you afraid?

Who do you say I am?

Do you love Me?

Those questions created room for a person to answer from inside their own life.

I am often quicker to explain someone than to hear them.

The label saves time.

The person takes longer.

Families Carry Old Versions of People

Some of the hardest labels to escape are family labels.

Families remember who we were before we learned who we wanted to become.

The irresponsible one.

The emotional one.

The quiet one.

The difficult one.

The strong one.

The child who always needed help.

The child who never caused trouble.

These roles may have begun with something true. Over time, the family begins protecting them.

If the irresponsible sibling changes, someone may lose the identity of rescuer.

If the quiet person starts speaking, the family may have to face what silence was protecting.

If the adult child becomes independent, the parent may feel rejected because control once looked like care.

If the person called dramatic begins speaking calmly, everyone may have to hear the truth that was previously dismissed because of the emotion surrounding it.

Change disrupts families.

Sometimes the old label is easier for everyone except the person wearing it.

I have to ask whether I am allowing people closest to me to become unfamiliar.

Do I still speak to an adult as though they are the teenager I remember?

Do I interpret every mistake through a history that may no longer describe the present?

Do I refuse to recognize change because recognition would require me to change too?

This does not mean I trust without evidence.

It means evidence gets a chance to matter.

I Have Seen Churches Turn Labels Into Spiritual Verdicts

Religious labels carry unusual power because they can sound like God has spoken.

Faithful.

Rebellious.

Bitter.

Divisive.

Anointed.

Backslidden.

Mature.

Unforgiving.

A person raises a concern about leadership and becomes divisive.

Someone leaves after being hurt and becomes offended.

A victim maintains distance and becomes unforgiving.

A leader is gifted and becomes too important to question.

A doubting person becomes dangerous to everyone else’s certainty.

These words can shut down inquiry.

Calling someone bitter does not answer whether something happened to them.

Calling someone divisive does not answer whether the concern is true.

Calling someone anointed does not answer whether the person is safe.

Calling a process biblical does not automatically make the process fair.

Jesus challenged religious people who used categories while ignoring the person standing inside the argument.

The man with the withered hand became a Sabbath test.

The woman exposed publicly became material for trapping Jesus.

Tax collectors became a threat to respectable religion.

The categories contained something.

They did not contain everything God saw.

A church should be a place where truth can be faced because nobody needs perfection in order to remain human.

That means victims are heard without being pressured to reconcile.

Accusations are examined fairly rather than turned immediately into public conclusions.

Leaders remain accountable.

Forgiveness is not confused with reinstatement.

Questions are not treated as rebellion merely because they create discomfort.

The church will never be perfect because it is made of people.

That truth should make us humble.

It should never become an excuse for refusing to change what harms people.

Public Outrage Makes the Label Feel Complete

Online, I can decide who someone is in seconds.

A clip.

A headline.

A quotation.

A photograph.

A legal charge.

A public mistake.

Sometimes the information reveals something that must be confronted.

The speed still frightens me.

We often become more certain while knowing less.

We know the sentence someone spoke.

We may not know the full conversation.

We know the action.

We may not know whether it reflects a pattern, a moment, ignorance, intention, illness, or something already being faced privately.

I do not need complete knowledge before saying an action was wrong.

I do need humility before saying the action is everything the person is.

Public accountability can become public appetite.

I stop asking whether my response protects anyone or adds truth.

I join because the crowd feels morally clear.

Jesus stood before crowds that felt morally certain.

That should slow me down.

I can refuse rumors.

I can verify before sharing.

I can name conduct without inventing motives.

I can support proportionate consequences without making a person’s suffering entertainment.

I can remember that someone receives the total force of thousands of individual responses.

A crowd is made of people who each believe their part is small.

The Enemy Is Easier to Hate Without a Face

Jesus told people to love enemies.

The command can sound abstract until the enemy becomes someone who actually caused harm.

A person with a name.

A voice.

A history.

Someone whose actions had consequences.

Jesus did not love abstract enemies from the cross.

The people around Him had faces.

Soldiers.

Religious leaders.

A frightened governor.

Mockers.

People who followed orders.

People who enjoyed what they were doing.

He prayed for mercy without pretending the crucifixion was harmless.

This is not a command that wounded people produce immediate emotional peace.

Forgiveness should never be extracted through religious pressure.

No offender should point toward the cross and demand that the victim hurry.

Jesus’ prayer reveals where love can eventually lead.

I can want a harmful person restrained and still hope they repent.

I can want a leader removed and still refuse to celebrate personal tragedy.

I can oppose someone’s actions completely and refuse to lie about them.

I can seek justice without needing revenge to become my identity.

Loving an enemy may begin with refusing to let hatred decide who I become.

Scars Do Not Mean Healing Failed

The risen Jesus carried wounds.

I return to that truth because I often imagine healing should remove all visible evidence.

If I still feel fear, perhaps I have not healed.

If I still remember, perhaps I have not forgiven.

If I need a boundary, perhaps grace has failed.

If I cry on the anniversary, perhaps I have not moved forward.

Jesus rose with scars.

The wounds were no longer open.

They had not become imaginary.

A scar tells two truths.

Something happened.

Life continued.

There are things I may never return to as though nothing occurred.

A relationship may remain changed.

A body may remain different after illness.

Trust may become slower.

A public record may remain.

A family may never look the way I expected.

Healing does not always restore the old form.

Sometimes it creates a new life honest enough to carry the history without being controlled entirely by it.

I do not need untouched skin to prove resurrection.

I Need the Pause Before the Verdict

The most practical change may be learning to pause.

Before I say always.

Before I say never.

Before I forward the story.

Before I decide the apology proves change.

Before I decide change is impossible.

Before I call a boundary hatred.

Before I call access forgiveness.

Before I turn a condition into a permanent name.

In that pause, I can ask what I actually know.

What pattern is visible?

Who needs protection?

What responsibility belongs to this person?

What responsibility belongs to me?

What am I assuming?

Am I seeking truth or emotional punishment?

Am I minimizing danger because compassion feels more spiritual?

Am I exaggerating danger because fear wants certainty?

The pause will not always lead to a softer decision.

It may lead me to leave.

Report.

Confront.

End contact.

Refuse trust.

Seek professional help.

The goal is not softness.

The goal is truth without contempt.

I Will Not See as Completely as Jesus

That is the humility beneath all of this.

I will not know every motive.

Every wound.

Every hidden act.

Every future choice.

I know enough to respond to what is in front of me.

I do not know enough to claim the final page.

Jesus sees the whole person.

The child they were.

The adult they became.

The fear they hid.

The harm they caused.

The excuses they protected.

The moment they might still tell the truth.

He does not confuse complete knowledge with cruelty.

I often confuse partial knowledge with certainty.

I need His way of seeing.

Not so I avoid hard decisions.

So I make them without losing my own humanity.

I may still say no.

Still leave.

Still maintain the boundary.

Still name the pattern.

Still accept the consequence.

Still refuse the role.

Still recognize that the person is not beyond the sight of Christ.

Neither am I.

People are people.

Not because people are always safe.

Not because every decision is innocent.

Not because love removes accountability.

People are people because God created us, Jesus entered human life, carried human sin, endured human cruelty, and rose with a human face still marked by wounds.

He still speaks names.

He still meets failures beside fires.

He still enters rooms locked by fear.

He still calls people out of shame without pretending they never failed.

He still sees what the label cannot hold.

I want to learn that vision.

I want to tell the truth without needing another person to become less human.

I want to protect myself without allowing hatred to become my protector.

I want to receive grace without using grace to escape responsibility.

I want to accept responsibility without agreeing that my worst moment owns my future.

I will not do this perfectly.

I will label too quickly.

Trust too soon.

Suspect too much.

Speak before listening.

When I recognize it, I can return.

I can apologize.

Correct the record.

Strengthen the boundary.

Release the exaggeration.

Allow evidence to matter.

Look again.

The label may tell me something true.

It will never tell me everything Jesus sees.

Your friend,

Douglas Vandergraph

Explore the complete Douglas Vandergraph Master Index: https://douglasvandergraph.com/douglas-vandergraph-master-index/

Watch Douglas Vandergraph’s faith-based videos on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@douglasvandergraph

In Summary: * Most significant event of my day was the hour and a half spent mowing the front yard. Yeah, I was pretty exhausted afterwards, but not as totally wiped out as my work sessions out there earlier in the week. Starting earlier in the morning helped, I'm sure. I'll try to remember that tomorrow morning when I start working in the back yard and alley.

I am looking forward to tonight's ball game, to working through Saturday night's prayers, and to an early bedtime.

Prayers, etc.: * I have a daily prayer regimen I try to follow throughout the day from early morning, as soon as I roll out of bed, until head hits pillow at night.

Health Metrics: * bw= 226.86 lbs. * bp= 137/78 (71)

Exercise: * morning stretches, balance exercises, kegel pelvic floor exercises, half squats, calf raises, wall push-ups, BP breathing exercises, pilates

Diet: * 06:45 – 1 banana * 07:45 – pizza * 12:00 – baked salmon, spaghetti and sauce, cooked mushrooms and green vegetables * 16:00 – 1 fresh apple

Activities, Chores, etc.: * 05:45 – bank accounts activity monitored. * 05:55 – read, write, pray, follow news reports from various sources, surf the socials, nap * 08:45 to 10:15 – yard work, mowing the front lawn * 12:00 to 13:00 – watch old game shows and eat lunch at home with Sylvia * 14:50 – Listening to relaxing music * 17:30 – tuning in 94.1, San Antonio's Sports Star, ahead of tonight's Rangers / Mariners MLB Game. I plan to stay here for the radio-call of that game.

Chess: * 11:05 – moved in all pending CC games

The clock in the eskeratz began expressing opinions about time long before I understood what was happening. At first I thought it was drifting, a battery issue, or one of those quiet mechanical sulks clocks fall into when the weather changes. But no. It was deliberate. The clock preferred late mornings, disliked evenings, and refused to acknowledge anything before 08:30am. I didn’t mind the eccentricity, except that the eskeratz is a socially significant room. It is where impressions settle first, like dust that has made up its mind, a prelude to the tiny orchestrations the house will make, as it decides what it thinks of you. Visitors notice things there. They form impressions. And a clock that insists it is 11:12 when the rest of the house is at 09:48 can make a visitor feel they’ve stepped into a different jurisdiction.

So I decided to negotiate. I explained, politely, because one should always be polite when addressing objects with emerging agency, that I needed the clock to behave conventionally while I was at home. The eskeratz has its own rhythms, and those rhythms depend on shared time. The clock ticked once, in what I interpreted as a willingness to discuss terms. We arrived at a solution: it could keep whatever time it liked while I was on holiday, provided it made a sincere effort to behave during ordinary weeks. A win‑win arrangement, my first real experience of the genre.

Only after this agreement did I think to revisit the clock’s origins. It had been a gift from the Franklin Covey Institute, no explanation beyond a note thanking me for “my ongoing service as an Ambassador for Unfinished Questions” and an enquiry as to whether I would like the hour divided into 15 or 30 minute units. I still don’t know what that means, but since the question remains unfinished it seems entirely in sympathy with my role as ambassador.

In the end, the arrangement didn’t hold perfectly. The clock behaved most days, misbehaved on others, and expressed strong opinions on Sundays. The wall remained inscrutable throughout.

But I realised, slowly, and only after a few weeks of watching it try and fail and try again, that the negotiation had given me something better than compliance. It had shown me the value of negative results. Not everything that refuses to work the way you want is a problem. Sometimes it’s information. Sometimes it’s character. Sometimes it’s just an unfinished question doing its best. And in the eskeratz, where visitors come to form their quiet impressions, I’ve found that a clock with a mind of its own says something honest about the house: we keep time as well as we can, and when we can’t, we learn from the gap.

✒️ Sigi

Lydia's Weekly Lifestyle blog is for today's African girl, so no subject is taboo. My purpose is to share things that may interest today's African girl.

This week's contributors: Lydia, Pépé Pépinière, Titi. This week's subjects: Corporate Chic Meets Latex: How to Wear Latex This Rainy Season in Accra, Labour Exploitation in Bangladesh, Taking Mum to the Hospital, and Boring FIFA Final Foodball Tournament

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Corporate Chic Meets Latex: How to Wear Latex This Rainy Season in Accra. Rainy mornings in Accra usually call for practical outfits, but who says practical can't be fashionable? This season, latex is stepping into the corporate wardrobe—not in a loud, red-carpet way, but with a polished, office-appropriate twist. The secret? Keep latex as the statement, not the entire outfit. A sleek latex pencil skirt paired with a crisp white button-down instantly elevates your office look while adding a modern edge. Prefer trousers? Opt for tailored latex trousers with a structured blazer and a classic blouse to create a sophisticated silhouette that's boardroom-ready. For those who love dresses, a midi-length latex skirt styled with a lightweight knit or silk blouse strikes the perfect balance between bold and professional. Finish the look with closed-toe pumps or chic ankle boots to navigate Accra's rainy streets with confidence. Since latex naturally has a glossy finish, keep the rest of your outfit understated. Neutral tones like black, navy, beige, olive, and chocolate brown allow the fabric to shine without overwhelming your look. Add delicate gold jewelry, a structured handbag, and a stylish umbrella to complete the ensemble. One thing every corporate fashionista should remember: comfort matters. Choose high-quality latex or latex-look fabrics with a tailored fit, and avoid overly tight pieces that can become uncomfortable in Accra's warm, humid weather. This rainy season, don't let grey skies dull your style. A thoughtfully styled latex piece can add confidence, elegance, and a fashion-forward edge to your corporate wardrobe. After all, the office is your runway—even when it's raining. Labour Exploitation in Bangladesh. We’ve heard about these things, and the fashion you are wearing may have been manufactured in a factory in a far away country where people work 20 hours a day and where they don't have a single fire extinguisher. So the news item in the Bangkok Post “Italian police in Milan raid luxury brands Bulgari, Dolce and Gabbana, Chanel and Prada (and others)”, on suspicion of subcontractors in Italy employing illegal Chinese workers under inhumane conditions makes one think. Indeed, to sell for example a hand bag for 13,500 $ and more you need cheap labour, or you’d be running at a loss.

Taking Mum to the Hospital. Arriving from work my friend found her mother having difficulty speaking and not remembering very much. Typically a stroke problem, where a small vein in the brain bursts and causes damage to the brain (in this case the speech and memory areas). Not surprising, majority of our mothers are overweight, have high blood pressure and do not move sufficiently, and only visit a doctor when they are sick. Not for a general check up where they would have told her to change her lifestyle. Anyway, would she have listened? The savings made on not doing check ups were spent that same evening, my friend went through a quick thousand plus for pills and tests and doctors fees. Next was a CT scan to be done, 640 GHC. My friend asked why, to establish that she had a stroke, But we know that! What will you now see on that CT scan which will make you change the medication or whatever. The answer was unclear, my friend transferred her mother to a different hospital, she’s responding to treatment and no CT scan was necessary for now. Remember, hospitals are to make money, to pay their nurses and doctors and electricity bills. And you are the one going to pay for all that. So don’t just say yes yes yes to everything they say. I can write a book bigger than the bible with stories about hospitals and doctors doing unnecessary things, just to make money. Inform yourself. Read up on health things. Ask questions. And save some money.

Boring FIFA Final Foodball Tournament. I am not a football fan and only watch when Ghana reaches the quarter finals, but this time I got invited to watch the very FIFA Foodball Finals, with food and drinks at will, at Wan Shi Gardens at Asylum Down (4th Crescent Link, Asylum Down, Accra), also called Joe's Bar and Lounge and I accepted. What a boring match. I think both teams had been bribed! These guys know how to place a ball on top of a bottle from a hundred yards and the amount of misses was not natural. But the Argentina goal keeper was really on the ball and missed only once. Bored as I was I checked a few things. Total sales generated during this FIFA Tournament 80 billion US Dollars (tickets, advertising, distribution rights, others, I noticed they introduced a hydration break which is mainly meant for advertisers at 36,000 $ per 10 seconds, that is if you spend at least $10 million on the tournament). Tickets officially sold for between USD 2030 and USD 32,970, but open/black market ranged from USD 6,411 to USD 595,000. Six hundred thousand United States Dollars to watch a football match. (And queue for 5 hours to get in and be checked by security). I am happy Ghana was not in these finals, we would all have been very very broke by now. And to finalize their lost match the Argentinians started to beat up anyone they could lay their hands on, and the next day hero Messi was seriously ridiculed, (I never guessed he is Argentinian). A crown does not stay on one head forever. Not that he will mind much, he earns about 140 million dollars a year, matches and advertising included. Sport indeed? No, a hugely successful advertizing platform, with you as the victim, to be told that Visa or Budweiser is the best. Beware. Wan Shi Gardens/Joe's Bar and Lounge is a rather quiet place, even that night we were less than 20. They have several “spaces”, so if you want to be “private” this is a good place. But if you order food have a plan B, many things on the menu were not available. Like the beef samosas. And they don’t do kebabs either. But the beef spring rolls were nice and came with 2 sauces and I’ll order the spicy goat meat again as well. The spicy grilled chicken is also recommended. Service was very prompt, maybe because it was my first time coming there. And the rat we saw? I guess that can be said of almost all restaurants.

# Lydia...

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Saturday's MLB game of choice has my Texas Rangers playing the Seattle Mariners in the second game of a four-game series. Tonight”s game is scheduled to start at 6:15 PM CDT. As I usually do, I'll follow the game's score and stats in real time via MLB's Gameday Service where we can also find links to the radio-call of the game provided by announcers of either team we choose.

And the adventure continues.

I sweep through fields of gnawing flux where pain bereaves my whole. Momentum spurns, and stasis sucks. My body is my foe.

Try as I might to ally force, all progress ends in harm. So lure and bribe, I woo the source, and stack my mind with charm.

Written July 25, 2026. © 2026 AnOublietteofThought.

Green and Blue Nighttime Landscape.

A couple of RSS based projects have been brought to my attention since I published The State of RSS Feed Readers a little over a week ago. So here's a brief update.

Kagi News

Several people mentioned Kagi News in comments on Mastodon to the original article. Kagi News was really not what I had in mind when writing the original article. It is more of a curated news service along the lines of Google News or Ground News rather than a reader that you can add the feeds you want to track. However, it bears some more resemblance to Techmeme or Memeorandum than Google News in a sense.

Kagi News uses hundreds, possibly thousands, of RSS feeds to aggregate news stories. These stories are then fed into an AI system that reads them, and writes a summary of all the articles it has consumed. The summary is heavily cross-referenced against the original sources, and all the sources used in writing the summary are listed at the bottom of the article.

While AI is a very controversial topic these days this is one of the few times when I believe it is used properly. There is little chance that anyone could read all 50+ versions a story published by all the newspapers and magazines in the world. Having a summary that pulls all of them together, and tries to present a story with facts that align with the majority of the available reporting is interesting.

It's also useful that they provide an RSS feeds for each topic, so you can pull their feeds into your personal choice of RSS reader.

Miniflux

I didn't mention Miniflux as an option in the self-hosted portion of the original article, despite its popularity. The reason? Quite simply: I forgot it. :) Miniflux was one of the options I had looked at, and has a major selling point in its favor.

Miniflux is an extremely lightweight RSS feed reader with a minimal interface that is fast and responsive. The whole application is minimal, even a full Docker image is under 20meg in size. The only downside I see is the requirement to set up an external database to use it.

If you don't want to self-host Miniflux, there is a hosted version for $15/yr.

Feedgrab

This is the reason I decided to write this update. I don't think I saw Feedgrab referenced anywhere, and it's a shame. Feedgrab is a beautiful, minimal hosted RSS reader from the creator of Pagecord. And while it's a hosted application it is completely free.

While Miniflux may have a some more features than Feedgrab, it makes up for them with one feature: starting feeds. When you create an account you are presented with a menu of categories, in each category is 30-50 feeds for you to chose from. This makes it quick and easy to populate your feed with stories that will be of interest to you.

And, there is a little extra: there is a browser extension for adding the feeds of sites to Feedgrab. Just install the Feedgrab extension, and whenever you find a site you want to follow, just add it to Feedgrab. And, of course, you can import your own OPML file if you have one, or export your feeds to an OPML file.

It's a very simple system. No special features or options for you to set. You can star items, mark them read / unread. That's it. No categorization of feeds. No ranking feeds, or tagging items, etc. It's all about reading the feeds that you have selected.

Conclusion

This was just a short update, a few items that I had missed the first time around, which seemed relevant to add to the discussion of RSS feed readers.

One last thought: I was impressed with Kagi News. Enough that I added their feeds to Calibre to scan daily, as a “quick news” newspaper / magazine I can scan each morning. It's quite a nice to have a publication that I can look at quickly, have an idea of what's going on, and if something really catches my attention, I can dig in deeper by looking at the original sources.

In testing the Feedgrab extension didn't work as expected in Waterfox. But, that could be some incompatibility with Waterfox. Or it could be that the extension hasn't been updated for some time. At this point there were only four downloads of the extension, so I have doubts that it's getting extensively tested.

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Categories: #Features Tags: #rss, #feeds, #readers, #update License: Copyright Unattributed. Licensed under Creative Commons BY-NC-SA 4.0.

I wont be writing for a few days. Three. four, something around there. Im not giving you a date because i dont like deadlines, and id rather not have strangers refreshing their screens wondering where i am. that sounds incredibly embarrassing for everyone involved. I’ll be away from my phone, or any device. i dont bring unnecessary distractions to work. if i disappear for longer than expected, you can assume im dead. that’ll be the final entry. theres no point checking back every day after that. go do something productive. learn a language, water a plant. annoy someone else. presonally, i doubt it’ll happen. im quite good at what i do, confidence is only arrogance when you’re wrong. but anyway, this place is nice. trees, mountins, fresh air. its quiet enough to remember that nature existed before people started putting cafes every twelve meters and calling it escaping the city. i understand why people say they want to reconnect with nature, i just dont understand why they insist on announcing it to everyone. “digital detox” No, you just walked into a forest, took eighty-seven photos proving you werent on your phone.

Ill stop here. im sure some of you are expecting a proper ending, and thats adorable. if i come back, you’ll know because i’ll write again. if i dont, then you dont get an ending. closure is overrated anyway, and im not offering any. feel free to keep checking, though. im sure thats a wonderful use of your time.

Sincerely, Good luck figuring that out.

Oh hey, remember pre-COVID before the world turned on its head and we all felt more carefree like the future might be okay but then things tumbled into the present day and now the world in many places feels divided into loud bullish thugs versus the other ones?

I miss nuance. It feels endangered. Like a panda (both black and white, you know?).

We're not even moving in slow motion any more. This car crash will not pass go, and you're certainly not getting $200 for your troubles.

I've run out of analogies but you get the idea. I don't miss the past, it’s the past for a reason, but my dwindling enthusiasm for the window seat because I certainly did not ask to be a passenger in the first place is seeping into every facet of my life.

(It turns out there's always another analogy.)

Sunny winter days are laundry days. Days to let the sunlight land on your skin to strengthen one's bones and feel comfortably warm.

Also the days to wax poetical…

The job search continues, and I'm feeling the time pressure more and more. It'll be fine eventually, but the gap between now and then is vast and uncertain. I hate question marks taking up too much space.

I can feel my cognition slipping further and further into the ooze at my current job. Unfortunately. A clear time frame to move on would be beneficial.

S: when we were leaving museum as a group G J and V walked off in the other direction without telling me or N anything, and I had to chase after and try to yell to get their attention

T: I felt like it didn’t matter what happened to me, no one cared enough to make sure I was coming and were fine leaving me

F: I feel like just breaking off and isolating, I feel not important or cared for

B: self isolate and spiral into depression

T: They all assumed someone else told and were focused on getting food. Plus J was infront so maybe didn’t hear. Truly a misunderstanding and them not being aware of what happened.

F: I feel hurt, but aimed more towards childhood scars rather than what just happened.

B: I still am a bit more reserved but I won’t spiral as hard and won’t target anything like that towards the wrong people.

I keep returning to the same contradiction. Gen Z can reach more people in a few seconds than most earlier generations could reach in a lifetime, yet many young people still feel painfully alone. That contradiction sits at the heart of Gen Z Is Looking for Jesus, because the renewed curiosity about Christianity is not really about rejecting technology. It is about discovering that technology cannot fully satisfy the human need to be known.

I explored that search from another angle in Gen Z Christianity: Why a Lonely Generation Is Searching for Jesus. The more I think about it, the more I believe many young people are not searching for religion as a performance. They are searching for something real enough to survive after the screen goes dark, the messages stop arriving, and they are left alone with the questions they have been trying not to ask.

I do not believe every member of Gen Z is turning toward Christianity. No generation can be reduced to one spiritual trend. Some young people believe deeply. Some are skeptical. Some have been wounded by churches. Some have never given Jesus much thought at all. But I believe a growing number are discovering that constant communication is not the same as companionship, personal freedom is not the same as direction, and being visible is not the same as being loved.

That distinction matters to me.

I know what it is like to speak to people while carrying things that are difficult to explain. Most of us do. We learn how to give the expected answer. We tell people we are fine because explaining why we are not fine would require more time, trust, and vulnerability than the moment seems able to hold.

Young people have become especially skilled at this because they have grown up in public.

They know how to take a photograph that looks natural even when it took several attempts. They know how to rewrite a sentence before posting it. They understand how quickly a joke, opinion, mistake, or awkward moment can be separated from its context and turned into a permanent judgment.

They have learned to present themselves carefully.

That does not necessarily make them dishonest.

It may mean they are afraid.

The carefully managed self often begins as protection. A person reveals enough to remain connected but not enough to become exposed. They appear confident because uncertainty may be judged. They laugh because seriousness could reveal how much something hurts.

Eventually, that protection becomes another kind of loneliness.

People know the image, but they do not know the person maintaining it.

This is where Jesus feels different.

Jesus never interacted with people as though they were profiles. He did not reduce them to the most visible part of their lives. He saw beneath behavior, reputation, social status, religious language, and public failure.

When Jesus met the Samaritan woman beside the well, He knew her history. He understood the relationships that had shaped her reputation. He knew why the conversation between them crossed boundaries other people considered important.

But Jesus did not begin by embarrassing her.

He asked her for a drink.

I love that beginning because it feels so human. Before the conversation reached theology, morality, worship, or the identity of the Messiah, Jesus created a human moment with someone others may have avoided.

He did not hide the truth from her. Eventually, He spoke openly about her life. Jesus never confused love with pretending that every choice leads somewhere good.

But He did not use truth to make her feel worthless.

That is one of the clearest lessons I see in Jesus.

People can be fully known without being discarded.

That is difficult for many of us to believe. We often assume people love us because they do not yet know enough. We fear that if they saw the anger, shame, doubt, jealousy, weakness, or confusion we keep hidden, the relationship would change.

Sometimes human relationships do change when the truth appears.

Jesus already knows.

He knows what we have done, what has been done to us, and what we have become while trying to survive it. He understands the difference between the wound and the reaction to the wound.

He also understands when the reaction has begun hurting us or other people.

Jesus does not expose the truth so He can humiliate us. He brings it into the light because hidden things continue controlling us.

That is why His love is greater than affirmation.

Affirmation says, “I will agree with the story you tell about yourself.”

Jesus says, “I know the complete story, including the parts you have misunderstood, and I will lead you toward truth.”

Sometimes the story I tell about myself is shaped by fear.

I may believe I am unwanted because someone left.

I may believe I am a failure because something I attempted did not work.

I may believe I must remain strong because nobody can be trusted to help carry me.

I may believe anger is protecting me when it is slowly isolating me.

I may believe approval will finally make me secure even though approval must be earned again every day.

Jesus does not affirm lies simply because I sincerely believe them.

He tells me the truth because He loves me.

That truth is not always comfortable, but it is freeing.

My value does not begin with another person’s reaction.

My identity does not depend on maintaining the correct image.

My life does not become meaningless when I fail.

I do not have to understand every part of myself before approaching God.

Jesus does not say, “Discover the perfect version of yourself, and then come find Me.”

He says, “Follow Me.”

That invitation removes an enormous burden from the individual. It means I do not have to create myself from nothing. I can learn who I am while walking with Christ.

That does not erase personality. The disciples did not become identical people. Peter remained Peter. Thomas asked the questions Thomas needed to ask. John saw things through his own eyes.

Jesus did not remove their individuality.

He challenged whatever kept that individuality from becoming whole.

Peter’s confidence had to be humbled. Thomas’s doubt had to become a decision. The disciples’ desire for status had to be confronted by a Savior who washed their feet.

Following Jesus did not make them less human.

It taught them how to become human without being controlled by fear, pride, ambition, or shame.

I think this is part of what Gen Z is searching for.

They have been told they are free to become almost anything, but few people have acknowledged how exhausting that freedom can become.

When identity is entirely self-created, every change can feel like a crisis. If I discover that something I believed about myself was wrong, what happens to the person I announced that I was?

Christianity offers repentance.

Repentance is often misunderstood as religious humiliation. I see it as permission to stop defending a road that is not leading toward life.

I can say I was wrong.

I can admit that something I called freedom was beginning to control me.

I can recognize that a belief built around pain is not the same as truth.

I can turn.

That is grace.

Grace does not mean nothing matters. It means my mistakes do not have the power to make returning impossible.

Peter denied Jesus three times. He failed publicly, emotionally, and spiritually. The identity he had created for himself as the disciple who would never leave collapsed in a few frightened moments.

Jesus did not pretend it had not happened.

After the resurrection, He returned to Peter.

He restored him without rebuilding the false confidence that had failed him. Peter would now serve as someone who understood his need for mercy.

His failure remained part of his story.

It did not remain the author of his future.

A generation living with permanent digital records needs that message.

You are more than the worst sentence you ever said.

You are more than the photograph you regret.

You are more than the relationship that ended.

You are more than the opinion you once defended.

You are more than what someone else did to you.

Jesus does not erase responsibility. He makes transformation possible.

The church should be the place where people experience that possibility, but I know churches have not always been safe places for honesty.

Some young people have asked sincere questions and received suspicion.

Some have admitted struggles and become subjects of gossip.

Some have watched leaders speak about accountability while avoiding it themselves.

Some have heard Christians defend truth with a cruelty that did not resemble Christ.

We should not become defensive when young people speak about those experiences.

Jesus confronted religious hypocrisy before they did.

He challenged leaders who placed burdens on others while protecting their own reputations. He exposed the difference between appearing righteous and becoming righteous.

The church does not become trustworthy by pretending it has never failed.

It becomes trustworthy through repentance.

That means Christians must be willing to apologize. Leaders must accept questions. Vulnerable people must be protected. Truth must matter more than appearances.

I do not believe Gen Z needs a perfect church.

I believe they need an honest one.

They need people who are willing to say, “I do not know,” without abandoning the search.

They need someone who can listen to a difficult story without immediately turning it into a lesson.

They need Christian friends whose interest lasts longer than the emotional moment.

They need people who remember their names and notice when they disappear.

This sounds ordinary because it is ordinary.

Jesus often worked through ordinary moments.

He sat at tables.

He walked roads.

He entered homes.

He stopped when the crowd wanted Him to keep moving.

He gave individual attention to people everyone else saw as interruptions.

That may be Christianity’s clearest answer to digital isolation.

We become present.

We put the phone down.

We listen beyond the first answer.

We stay after the conversation becomes uncomfortable.

We tell the truth without making humiliation the goal.

We offer a chair instead of merely offering an opinion.

Technology can introduce someone to Jesus. A video, article, prayer, or passage of Scripture may reach a person at exactly the right moment.

But eventually, Christian faith must become embodied.

Someone must show what grace looks like.

Someone must keep a promise.

Someone must forgive.

Someone must admit they were wrong.

Someone must carry another person’s burden without turning that burden into content.

The Word became flesh.

Christian love must become visible too.

I do not know exactly where Gen Z’s renewed spiritual interest will lead. Trends change quickly. Public attention moves. Something celebrated today can be forgotten tomorrow.

Jesus is not a trend.

He does not need to become fashionable to remain true.

Young people may first approach Christianity because they are lonely, anxious, morally uncertain, or exhausted by the pressure of building an identity.

But Christianity becomes more than a reaction when they encounter Christ Himself.

The One who knows them.

The One who tells them the truth.

The One who carried their sin and shame to the cross.

The One who rose from the dead.

The One who still says, “Follow Me.”

Being seen is not the same as being known.

Being affirmed is not the same as being loved.

Being connected is not the same as belonging.

Jesus offers something deeper than all three.

He offers Himself.

Perhaps that is what a lonely generation has been searching for all along.

Your friend,

Douglas Vandergraph

Explore the complete Douglas Vandergraph Master Index: https://douglasvandergraph.com/douglas-vandergraph-master-index/

Watch Douglas Vandergraph’s faith-based videos on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@douglasvandergraph