---

photo © @Karneol@pixelfed.social

When I played golf or badminton, our table tennis, all of games I don’t enjoy, I really have this strong mental focus, visualising the perfect strike or whatever, you know?

Really seeing before me, But it doesn’t help.

Like when I was at a farm, as a child, looking at the goat grandmother sold to them, holding the fence, which I found out was electric, getting a shock.

Probing carefully, I discovered to my great disappointment, that I hadn’t gotten any superpowers. Nothing like that.

And finally, when stepping on the hornets’ nest, as a child, instead of being controlled by my formidable mind, they stung me.

I haven’t managed to break this wall between imagination and reality

Yet.

I felt the urge to pull out my oils this morning. I haven't in some time. I started gathering everything and setting up. I situated my easel just so, then went to my canvases. I only have a couple of stretched linen, but this really didn't call for that, so I made the mistake of pondering between sizes before nailing down what I actually wanted to paint. I had a rough idea in my head. I looked around, because it would be for me. Then I stopped.

I normally use a tempered glass palette. I like being able to place colored cardstock beneath it. However, earlier this year some stainless steel cutting boards have come into my possession. Three different sizes. They went straight into my studio for random use. I kind of want to give them a go because they have a thumb hole. Mind you, I never enjoy painting that way. I think I'm just drawn to the newness.

In the end, I decided now was not the time to start an oil. I think I got frustrated with myself. I used to love painting oil portraits. I kind of somehow naturally fallen into different mediums for different subjects. I'm not sure why. I feel like I'm needing to branch out again, but I'm undecided on direction.

That got me to thinking about how many directions I've gone in life. There's been several more than a handful. Not intentionally so. I think that's just me. But that makes me contemplate just how many of me there have been. The medical professional, the educator, the secretary, the service member, the artisan, the musician, the poet. On and on it goes in an ongoing list of professions that look okay on paper, but then I realize that they're more like clothing than anything.

I think I may just enjoy stepping into roles and learning them until I can hold my own, then moving onto the next. Except finance. I foolishly signed up for classes many years ago, deciding I should probably at least get an associate's degree in it, and I immediately recognized I had made a mistake. Not because I found it difficult. Rather I found it... soul-sucking. I quit early on.

The only thing that's really held my interest long-term has been the creative arts. Likely because there's so much to choose from. Alas, I'm still in a funk on that. Creating something isn't a problem. I find that I need a reason to transform the materials so that I don't feel guilty for doing so. The possibility of selling doesn't seem to be enough for me anymore. It's a very strange feeling. Much of what I enjoy doing isn't what I'd call “environmentally friendly” and that bothers me. I find that I start contemplating that before I begin—a most frustrating habit.

I am, and have been, in a very strange mood concerning such endeavors. I think it will shift in time. For now, I really feel the urge to get my fingers back in the soil. Actually, I'd like to retreat to a little cottage deep in the woods. I'd have kitties, a man, and lots and lots of nature. OK, so I'd have internet access, too, but I doubt I'd use it very often.

It is definitely strange. The older I get, the more I yearn for simplicity. I don't want to say “new” has lost its appeal. I'm far too curious for that. It just feels a bit lackluster. Also the world is depressing as fuck.

I am clearly stuck in my head today.

© 2026 AnOublietteofThought. All rights reserved.

A zine chronicling the Conquering the Barbarian Altanis D&D campaign.

This issue includes sessions 122, 123, 124, and 125.

Adventurers recover the Golden Gavel of Justice and satisfy Poseidon.

You can download the issue here.

Overlord's Annals zine is available as part of the Ever & Anon APA, issue 16:

#Zine

JOURNAL 18 octobre 2026

Les filles sont reparties, on range, on fait la vaisselle. T chan un torchon à la main s'arrête et nous sort : j'aurais jamais cru qu'un monde comme le vôtre existait. Mais vous vous aimez ! J'aimerais rester avec vous... Et elle s'est jetée dans nos bras au risque de casser un bol. Elle est grande, elle comprend bien qu'on ne peut pas s'occuper d'elle, on est très absentes, on ne va pas la garder avec nous pour encore la laisser seule le plus long de la journée. Le mieux pour elle c'est d'aller vivre avec sa tante. On sera pas loin et elle l'aime bien cette tante,elle nous a dit. On va partir un mois très loin, que deviendrait elle ? Évidemment elle comprend bien, mais elle aimerait... 🥲

Oui, j'ai dit qu'on va partir. Il avait raison le type qui a proposé le deal je ne peux pas refuser. Ils ne vont pas me demander de faire un gosse après tout, je risque quoi ?

#Tchan #Ukraine

و اخيرا ربطت هاد الblog

مع الدومين التاريخي mounir.blog

لتستمر الكتابة.

The letter of the day is M.

M is for Medium, as in the size of men's clothing, as in the size of the sweatpants I'm wearing this morning.

For the last few decades, after I gained weight immediately after retiring from my job as a UPS delivery driver, most of my clothes were XL or XXL sized. I can't wear any of those clothes now. Some XL tops I can wear, but the XXLs are like trying to wear tents. The XXL pants literally slide right off me, as do most of the XLs.

Best sizes for me now: tops are mostly XL, shoulders are still pretty broad; bottoms are probably Ms or Ls, depending on the items and their cut.

At the same time as the above clothing sizes are changing, my body weight is consistently much lower than previously, as is my blood pressure.

And the adventure continues.

Stay entertained thanks to our Weekly Tracker giving you next week's Anticipated Movies & Shows, Most Watched & Returning Favorites, and Shows Changes & Popular Trailers.

Anticipated Movies

• Klara and the Sun
• Wildwood
• A Talent for Murder
• Wicker
• The Cycle
• ☆ Clayface
• The Only Living Pickpocket in New York
• Made in Abyss: Mezameru Shinpi
• Ali G: Who Iz I?

Anticipated Shows

• Love in Disguise
• Phony
• ☆ YAGA
• Newlyweds

Returing Favorites

• ☆ Cyberpunk: Edgerunners — Season 2
• Vanderpump Rules — Season 13
• The Terminal List — Season 2
• Nobody Wants This — Season 3
• Lupin — Season 3
• This City Is Ours — Season 2

Trending Shows Status Changes

• Where the Mask Ends — In Production → Returning Series

Most Watched Movies this Week

• = Spider-Man: Brand New Day
• new Animals
• new Matchbox the Movie
• +3 Runner
• -3 Insidious: Out of the Further
• new Practical Magic 2
• new Hope
• -4 The End of Oak Street
• -3 Fall 2: Deadpoint
• new Buddy

Most Watched Shows this Week

• +2 MobLand
• +2 Slow Horses
• new VisionQuest
• +2 Carrie
• -3 Ted Lasso
• +4 South Park
• -2 Dark Matter
• -7 Lanterns
• new Below
• -2 Marshals

Popular Trailers

• Are you in? — Street Fighter
• The possibilities are endless. — Clayface
• We all know someone who has that Marianne mentality — Sense and Sensibility
• Stream Now Only on Disney+ — VisionQuest
• In Cinemas Now — Verity
• will make your jaw drop — Whalefall
• Experience Other Mommy in cinemas TONIGHT — Other Mommy
• Too many funny moments to pick from — Forgotten Island
• The World Is Grey — Spider-Man: Brand New Day
• Watch at Home September 29 — The Uprising

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Hi, I’m Kevin 👋. Product Manager at Trakt and creator of Rippple. If you’d like to support what I'm building, you can download Rippple for Trakt, explore the open source project, or go Trakt VIP.

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No Golden Eras

I don’t think YouTube is in its best time. I am suspicious of it. If I happen to scroll through it, I feel very disappointed in humanity in general. It is also aggressive with guessing what I want instead of just letting me tell it. I don’t understand some options like posting like social media and nothing happening. But, considering the alternatives for storing a video online, I suppose it isn’t that bad, after all.

I can’t wait to livestream

Almost a month ago, I ventured back to YouTube. I have video content, and I enjoy playing for the camera. I am also starting a livestream soon, and I like YouTube for that too. So talking in front of the camera now helps me for then. Getting angles and lighting right. Getting content together. Then? LIVE! SOON!

Debbie’s Daughter, Live

I uploaded a video yesterday called “Debbie’s Daughter Live.” It is an older song, and I played it for the camera and Myrtle microphone. It was fun. I will do it again. I have lots of songs that work like that.

Gray Matters

I uploaded “Gray Matters” for this morning too. Also an older tune. I love it still. I think it brings up important points. I also think the sound is cool.

What’s in a thumbnail?

I will be using this YouTube channel. I have even read about thumbnails, uploading in advance, easy stuff to make the videos pop that doesn’t feel cheesy or wrong. I hope it all helps, but am not terribly bothered if it doesn’t. It was easy and fun to do. Not wasted time or anything.

“The Crab Song, Tape 24 Demo”

I have nearly 800 views already on a demonstration video. I don’t think that means much, but I also don’t mind it. Haha.

Back to collaborating

I talked recently about how I want to take care of collaborators. I want them to have links for friends. I want them to be able to look at something if they need to, reminding them of their handiwork. I want them to have enjoyed the song, enjoyed the project, and like the mementos coming from it. This is that. But I am also a collaborator too. I like it for myself, as well. YouTube may not be at a high point, but it is at an easy one. Take what we can get.

Even though I am on YouTube, please avoid scrolling that thing.

I do think scrolling YouTube is bad for your brain, though. It is infuriating. It is like someone guessing what you are trying to say all the time and being wrong about it, interrupting your story. My brain is like that. It gets distracted. It forgets. When the computer throws guesses at me, I get sidetracked and a little pissed. I know what I want. I wouldn’t be trying to type on the computer if I didn’t. You’d think it’d know that much. Maybe it does. I can’t tell.

You’re right to be suspicious

I am suspicious of everything about YouTube, to be honest. But I am also lonely with a ton of content. I need to be “out there” somehow, and I don’t like streamers, don’t like Bandcamp really, but I do it. I think YouTube is very invasive. It wouldn’t surprise me if they recorded you sleeping and posted it somewhere. Nothing surprises me in that realm anymore. Privacy is an antiquated notion. None of us have it if we can’t afford it. It is a privilege.

We don’t have to love it and trust it to use it, just like anything else.

I just make video content I want you to see if you like our stuff. So while I don’t trust YouTube as far as I can throw it, I do know if I use a smaller video service, I might be out some money. I won’t get folks to click on my shit. And I have the learning curve of a new platform. Plus, other video services seem deeply tied, almost integrated with social media of some sort, and I am not interested in that vibe in my life right now.

The Crossroads decision, every meal.

These decisions are circling every single company right now. It sucks, a lot. I do not feel “good” about using anything with a brand name on it. I feel like I wouldn’t even know they existed without micro-targeting, and that isn’t “good.” The profit motive makes them come off like crooked politicians, offering services in exchange for part of my soul. Posting a video shouldn’t be the crossroads kind of decision, but it is. Anything is. Eating fast food is a moral dilemma. Pick your battles. Enjoy your lunch.

I am struggling, frankly, in some ways

I have a hard time navigating this world. I feel like in the early 2000s, the world started heading one way, and I was on another path. I get the sensation we are too far down our perspective paths to reunite. It’s not like I want to lose the world; I am willing to meet it in a few spots. But some of the demands, I find utterly ridiculous. I refuse to be on a social media gridline of thoughts, beliefs, rants, and the computer feeding me what it’s paid to, not what I want or am looking for. It even disguises what it is paid to present me as what I am looking for. I hate that deception. It is world-altering. It doesn’t even help if I am smart. I am lonely. That means I am a target audience.

But Keri

I don’t feel like I belong here at all. I don’t feel accepted. I don’t feel respected. I don’t feel loved by anyone except Keri. I am happy for that though. Keri is more than most folks get in their whole life. We have built for over a decade together. No matter what happens, we were lucky for that.

This isn’t my world. I get it. So YouTube. yeah.

Kelly Kintner

Youtube

I may have unlocked promotional god mode.

Since I started posting on instagram more regularly just a handful of days ago (especially with the reels), orders for THE SOLAR GRID hardback have been pouring in (at an average conversion rate of about 10%) and my follower count has made a 5% jump (And we're getting so many applicants for the producer job).

The danger of course is getting too swept up by the social media sinkhole. We are after all, only human, and it is exactly the seductive lure of social media sinkholes that forces us to run for our lives away from these platforms from time to time (my old Z Flip actually helped immensely with weening me off social media; you're less inclined to reach for your phone every few mins if there's no big screen on its face calling out to you). Shunning social media is certainly a necessity when you'd like to lock in on a project and just get to work with as little distraction as possible. A little less of a necessity when work on the project is done and it's time to get the word out about it.

Instagram can be a time suck, especially if you're making reels for it. Quite the workload in its own right. Difficult to add more work to your plate when you're in the middle of working on something else, let alone something big. But once you're done with said big work (especially big work you might've poured 10 years of your life into), isn't it worth it to put just as much effort into promoting it?

What can I say, I'm kind of an all-in sorta guy.

#work #tsg

Réception [par l’œil de soi] des nuiteuses lumières publiques, espacées, fragiles, réparties en constellations, et de plus faibles lueurs d’ampoules s’éclipsant des maisons. Carte du ciel bas de la ville qui désoriente effraies, ducs petits ou grands et souris-chouettes. Un long trait de néon rouge traverse horizontalement la partie supérieure gauche de l’image, celle de droite étant rayée d’une courte ligne verte, clignotante, perpendiculaire et fluo.

Mais du fond du couloir [où se tient le soi] l’entaille rouge, à gauche, ne se voit pas, seulement sue on la devine, comme on imagine, sans le vouloir vraiment, celle qui déchire la gorge des bœufs, du côté droit. [Le soi oscille entre ce qui, possiblement, ouvre au rêve, à son invention, et ce que la violence enferme dans le cœur humain.]

#Fenêtresurville #Didascalies

Nog een laatste blik Dan moet hij haar laten gaan Het afscheid valt zwaar.

Wer heute auf die 1990er-Jahre zurückblickt, tappt schnell in die Nostalgiefalle. Doch zwischen dem Mauerfall 1989/90 und den Anschlägen vom 11. September 2001 liegt ein Jahrzehnt, dessen „Greatness“ uns in den 25 Jahren seither spürbar abhandengekommen ist, besonders den USA. Damals wurde vom amerikanischen Politikwissenschaftler Francis Fukuyama voreilig das „Ende der Geschichte“ ausgerufen – in Wahrheit war es bloß ein kurzes Kapitel am Übergang vom Analogen ins Digitale und in eine neue Weltordnung.

Rückblickend wird vieles sentimental weichgezeichnet, dabei waren diese 10 Jahre durchaus „shaky“. Als ich bei einem freiwilligen Schulausflug nach New York, es muss 1996 oder 1997 gewesen sein, noch im World Trade Center eine Führung bekomme, ist New York erst auf dem Weg zu einer halbwegs sicheren Großstadt – das Einschussloch im Fenster des Hotelzimmers ist mein Zeuge. Die obligatorischen Fotos mit den Piloten im Flugzeug-Cockpit und das entspannte Rauchen am Flugzeugtresen sind Artefakte einer vergangenen Zeit. Doch die Weltpolitik dreht noch einmal kurz das Licht auf. “It´s the economy, stupid!”, sagt damals James Carville, der Chefstratege des US-Präsidenten Bill Clinton. Denn die Wirtschaft floriert und das Leben ist gut. Clinton lacht mit dem sichtlich betrunkenen Boris Jelzin, spielt Saxophon im Fernsehen und mit Monica Lewinsky im Oval Office, bevor die ersten Al-Kaida-Anschläge auf die US-Botschaften in Kenia und Tansania ihre dunklen Schatten vorauswerfen.

Kulturell liefern NBC und Warner Bros. mit „Friends“ das letzte große analoge Lagerfeuer, in dem man noch stundenlang ohne Smartphone auf der Kaffeehaus-Couch mit Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Ross und Chandler Bing abhängt. Chuck Klosterman bringt dieses Lebensgefühl in seinem Buch „The Nineties“ treffend auf den Punkt: „Keine Story ging viral. Kein Promi trendete. Man musste keine Meinung haben, und es war jedem egal, ob man eine hatte oder nicht..“ Und Geld war nicht “alles”. Musikalisch bleibt Grunge mit dem “neuen Jesus” Kurt Cobain & Nirvana ein kurzer Lichtblick. Ein Wimpernschlag in der Geschichte, in dem Underground-Rock, Punk und Metal mithilfe von MTV plötzlich Mainstream werden – ganz im Gegensatz zum Hip-Hop, der sich dauerhaft an der Spitze gehalten hat. Gleichzeitig rückt die Welt spürbar zusammen: Grenzen verschwinden, das Ozonloch wird erfolgreich bekämpft, von Wien (Menschenrechte) über Rio (Nachhaltigkeit) und Beijing (Frauenrechte) bis Kyoto (Klima) gibt es die berechtigte Hoffnung, die großen Probleme tatsächlich gemeinsam lösen zu können. Wie die österreichische Journalistin Corinna Milborn vor Kurzem treffend in einem Posting festhielt: „Es war nicht alles gut, bei Weitem nicht – aber es gab globale Bewegungen und Bestrebungen, alles besser zu machen, und berechtigte Hoffnung, dass das gelingen kann.“

Heute wirkt im Vergleich dazu vieles fragiler und nervöser. Zwischen geopolitischen Verwerfungen, Polarisierung und einem digitalen Dauerfeuer aus Empörung ist uns vor allem die Gelassenheit abhandengekommen. Dabei verstellt dieser permanente Krisenmodus den Blick auf die harten Fakten – denn global gesehen stehen wir heute massiv besser da: Seit 1990 ist der Anteil der Menschen in extremer Armut laut Weltbank & UNO von knapp 38 Prozent auf unter 9 Prozent eingebrochen, die weltweite Kindersterblichkeit ist um 60 Prozent gesunken, die durchschnittliche Lebenserwartung ist von 64 auf über 73 Jahre geklettert und der Anteil der erwachsenen Analphabeten hat sich von damals 25 Prozent auf heute rund 13 Prozent fast halbiert. Dazu kommt, dass der große Wirtschaftszyklus der 90er-Jahre sichtlich am Ende ist: Die Ära der Globalisierung bröckelt an allen Ecken & Enden, aber genau dieser Umbruch macht Mut. Nach Jahrzehnten der Entgrenzung beginnt jetzt wieder die Zeit der kleineren, verlässlichen Netzwerke – im Wirtschaften genauso wie im Sozialen, wo geschützte Communities die lauten Massenplattformen ablösen. Deshalb lohnt sich der Blick zurück ohne verklärte Wehmut: Man würde die jüngere Generation zwar gerne kurz in die 90er mitnehmen, um ihr eine Welt ohne Dauerpanik zu zeigen. Schließlich sind wir auch heute nicht allen Krisen zwingend ausgeliefert. Wenn wir die Rückkehr zum Regionalen & Überschaubaren mit dem pragmatischen Optimismus der 1990er-Jahre verbinden, liegt das beste Kapitel erst noch vor uns.

© Reisig & Taylor/NBCUniversal