11.4.2026

朝携清露行 暮落斜阳归 问霞君远渡 漠寞若浮舟

Today was a day I have been waiting a long time for.

I came to the realization that my life does have a stark contrast from my peers. I was carefully and delicately reminded that I carry quite a bit more baggage than the average person. For many reasons, many that are inadequate to bring up here, I represent both a large and small percentage of “real” people. I bring a much different background and diversity to my community. Every day, I have to be ready to go out there and defend, educate, and represent people like me. It is exhausting. Absolutely, horrifyingly exhausting.

While today represents many things, I am reminded of what hope, optimism, and empathy can bring to the table. It is hard to be in such a vulnerable position, but I will never back away from the challenges and benefits that I represent. Nothing is ever black and white, I don’t know when people will come to this realization. How could it be so difficult to understand that you can have limitations while protecting human rights? You can have protections while limiting public benefits. There are lots of things that can have equal and fair balances, why does everything have to be an extreme?

Today, I am refilled with a deep layer of hope and optimism that I fear I had lost. I am grateful for all the people who constantly defend democracy. I recognize that it was not my situation alone that resulted in this deep movement, but all the issues that humans care about – democracy, equal rights, environmental protections, healthy economy, and much more – that have resulted in this phenomenon.

I remember reading history books in high school and constantly wondering why I would ever care about any of it, or how it affected me. Now, more than ever, I understand the impact of policy, the magnitude of historic events, civil rights movements, and political balances.

The right words are out of reach as I truly process what is happening around me. It is one of those days that you know 5, 10, maybe 20 years from now will be written and played out into history books. I wish I had a more insightful reflection of this moment, however it is late… and I have to be up early tomorrow. At least, it is a new tomorrow, a more hopeful tomorrow, a tomorrow that promises new opportunities and a more equitable future.

Thank you for your message. I am currently out of office — but will return at the end of the month.

En anglais « writer’s block ».

J’ai entendu une remarque intéressante que je partage ici et maintenant pour ne plus l’oublier.

Cette difficulté d’écrire provient de la difficulté à accorder deux choses : ce que l’on veut réellement écrire et ce que l’on imagine que le lecteur veut lire.

En clair, ce « blocage » vient d’un manque d’honnêteté.

Rester à fidèle à soi-même. Peu importe le regard que les autres porteront sur ce que l’on a écrit.

Facile à dire. Pas facile à mettre en pratique.

J’arrive à écrire ici tous les jours en partie parce que je sais que personne ne me lit.

Le jours où ce sera le cas, les choses changeront probablement : quelle valeur j’apporte ? Quelle image je projette ?

Ce carnet n’a que pour seul intérêt le partage de l’expérience empirique que je fais de la vie. Mes sensations, mes émotions, ma manière de percevoir le monde.

Et peut-être qu’un jour cette expérience personnelle raisonnera chez quelqu’un.

Ce n’est pas un souhait aujourd’hui. La seule chose qui compte pour le moment, c’est mon envie égoïste d’écrire. Pour moi et moi seul. Et si un jour ces écrits sont lus.

Tant mieux... ou tant pis.

Democrats are taking the House and the Senate!!! Texas has flipped blue, and Abbott was told to get his hateful ass out! It's about damn time!

I am so happy I could cry. It doesn't mean things are going to be easy. It's still a hell of a fight, but it's a start. It's a start.

The horrific ads that have slammed into my phones and mail for so many weeks now are disgusting. The money poured in to create all of that ugly could have been used to actually help people.

It wasn't a tight win here. I am so, so very happy right now. Abbott and Paxton are bye, bye, bye! I could squeak!

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