I've said that I wanted to start on February 1st with the next challenge. Today is the day. So this is post #1 of the second round #100DaysToOffload. After I was able to complete the first one, I've learned something, but I don't know what to do with it. My main goal for the second round is, to learn what I can do with the experience from the first round.

After a long time and no real usage of my paperless-ngx instance, I plan to get back to it. Get it working again, add all the missing documents and secure it enough, so that an update want to destroy everything once more. The instance is up and running, but after I've lost all my documents 2 times after an update, I lost motivation to get back and add everything one more time. Let's see how this will work.

I've already bought tickets for 2 concerts in February. So expect more concert posts. 🤘

Another thing I will do is my #TheMonthProject. I've planned it to do it mostly in January, but after I've got sick twice in this Month, I needed to step back a bit and postpone this. But now, February is starting, and I'm feeling fit, I will tackle this. Initially, I've had in mind to make some progress on smaller projects to get them off my plate, but that was for January. For Q1, I set the goal to mostly finish and release my wood pellets project. So in February, my focus will be on this project. And I will document most of the steps. First I thought, to document as much as possible, but my time is limited, and I will invest as much of it in finishing my project. Because I already have Ideas for new ones. With this post, I will start my #TheMonthProject today.

So, what else can I talk about? My current mood is fantastic, and I am happy with everything around me. Which is usually a sign that something will happen and pulls my mood back to an okish level. I'm curious what it will be.

Let's end this post. Every one who reads this, have a nice Saturday. 👋

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01 of #100DaysToOffload
#log #TheMonthProject
Thoughts?

A zine chronicling the Conquering the Barbarian Altanis D&D campaign. Can't believe how time flies—fourth year of publishing the zine!

This issue details sessions 69, 70, and 71 as adventurers help a worried figure eliminate an old threat. Nothing goes as planned.

You can download the issue here.

Overlord's Annals zine is available in print as part of the legendary Alarums & Excursions APA, issue 591:

#Zine

In the late 1990’s, before dating apps (Grindr, Tinder, Scuff, etc.), there was gay.com, a Java-based chat website where one didn’t have to post a picture and could talk to people entirely anonymously. It is where I explored my sexuality and the possibility of me being gay in my 20s. I was filled with shame at the idea of being gay, and there are still some parts of that there, but it was a safe place, and I met a guy who changed my life.

He is Alex, and we met the second night we talked because he seemed safe, genuine and pure. We met the second night, talked for hours, and walked even longer. He was cute, but more importantly, he was kind and warm-hearted and could listen. It was love at first sight for me. We moved three or four months after we met and lived together for 2 years.

Alex was my first everything. He put up with a lot of my growing pains to become a fully formed gay person – one who accepts who I am and is continuing to be more comfortable with that. Looking back, I feel a sense of guilt at how I was: childish and immature even though I was older than him. I messed up a few times at the end of our relationship, and when he had the ‘talk’ about how our relationship had evolved into a friendship rather than a relationship, I was hurt. I was moving to Korea and didn’t see the ‘talk’ coming for some reason. I became worse and still feel bad about it today.

When I moved to Korea in my first year, I still longed for him and our relationship, but he moved on to another. I was hurt but more because I didn’t understand. Life moves on, and it is hard to when you are alone. Over the years, we would meet when I would come back. It felt good but a bit awkward, mostly from my end. Until we met in 2017, the last time I was dating someone, he said, “You should be dating someone who deserves you.” I was offended, but I did what I usually do instead of saying something – I cut him off. Over the years, I would write and mildly engage through social media, but nothing meaningful.

Tonight, we met with his partner for several years. Alex took me to a local Chinese restaurant, something I craved when I was in Canada for too long. It felt like our conversation wasn’t natural. I have this weird thing where I emotionally remember everything, like it’s part of who I am. Some details stick to me. Through research, I know it is partially because of my ADHD and partially because I keep a journal. Not remembering my past has always been my greatest fear, but in recent years, I have learned also to record my emotions.

The conversations tonight felt weird because they were bits and pieces of information I had previously discussed, but that was back in 2017. My mind was saying, “why don’t you remember this?” It is the problem of my memory making me feel like it was yesterday instead of 7 years ago. It was going through my mind, but I mindfully brought myself back to why we have lost contact – partially because I tend to cut others off and while holding on too much in my thoughts and emotions. Doing these two things don’t make sense and yet I do them.

Alex’s partner is incredibly friendly, kind, talkative and warm. We bonded and felt good. At the night's end, I talked about how I will return with my new love in the summer. He asked if we could meet up then, and we will. I need to improve at this – keeping in contact with the good people in my life.

I got a message from a recruiter from Meta asking to setup a call soon for a machine learning position. What a dream! I pray it works. I really pray.

Das Instrument ist so alt, dass ich nicht genau weiß,

ob ich dafür in Mark oder in Euro gezahlt habe.

Ich bin auf einem Flohmark herumgebummelt

und habe nach etwas Ausschau gehalten, von dem ich nicht wusste,

was es war.

Sind Flohmärkte nicht dafür gemacht?

Sie laden dazu ein, was preis geboten wird, inspirieren, regen die Phantasie an, was könnte man damit machen, wo könnte die neue Vase einen neuen Punkt setzen, was schlummert in Dir? Was möchte geweckt werden?

Und da war es!

Mein zukünftiges Keyboard.

Es blinzelte mir zu.

Rief: „ Nimm mich mit! Ich werde Dich glücklich machen!“

Und es küsste mein Verlangen.

Mein altes Verlangen, Klavier spielen zu können.

Können wollte ich es! Nicht lernen.

Lernen macht keinen Spaß.

Es ist mühselig.

Es kostet Zeit.

Ich wollte spielen können. Bach, Beethoven, Mozart. Vor allem Klassik. Vielleicht auch Pop.

Wozu? Einfach so. Sinnfrei. Zweckfrei.

Ich legte irgendetwas mit 14 in Scheinen und Münzen auf den Tisch und klemmte das klobige Teil unter meinen Arm.

Dann kaufte ich noch ein Untergestell und stellte es in die Wohnung.

Da stand es nun.

Aber ich konnte nicht spielen.

Ab und an klimperte ich die wenigen Noten, die ich kannte.

Es machte wenig Freude.

Ich hatte keine Zeit, Unterricht zu nehmen.

Und eines Tages verschwand das gute Stück im Keller.

Und es blieb dort.

Es zog mit um. Und landete wieder im Keller. Und zog wieder mit um. Und stand im Keller.

Und dann wurde schlagartig alles anders.

Es fand den Weg aus dem Keller zurück in die Wohnung.

Es fand seinen Platz.

Und nicht nur das. Es flirtete mit mir, wenn immer ich hin sah.

„Komm spiel mit mir“ säuselte es.

Ich klimperte wieder darauf herum.

„Es nützt nichts,“ sagte ich mir. „Ich soll es lernen.“

Aber wie?

Es muss einfach sein.

Täglich.

Es muss Spaß machen.

Spielen.

Lernen.

Spielen lernen.

Spielen.

Und so fand ich eine App.

Der Weg ist das Spiel.

Ich lege meine Finger auf die Tastatur und verfolge die Tastaturfolge auf dem Bildschirm und höre dabei, wie die Musik klingen soll.

Hören, sehen, probieren.

Die Finger bewegen sich und spielen nach, was an Noten geboten wird.

Ein Missklang wird registriert.

Mehrere Missklänge zwingen zur Wiederholung.

Zu viele Missklänge setzen die Geschwindigkeit herunter.

Am Anfang erkenne ich keine Musik, keinen Akkord, keine Melodie.

Die App hat Tricks, wie sie meine Motivation hält.

Motorik und Bewegung, sie sind der Beginn allen Lernens.

Von Kind auf.

Die Finger bewegen sich nicht wie sie sollen.

10 Finger blind, der alte Schreibmaschinenkurs zu Schulzeiten damals und die tägliche Übung helfen ein wenig.

Doch der Rythmus ist ein anderer.

Hier gilt es die Finger nicht mit Buchstaben, sondern mit Tönen in Einklang zu bringen und aus dem Ganzen Musik zu machen.

Die Hände wissen, dass es möglich ist, dass beide etwas gleichzeitig tun können. Aber doch nicht so!

Aufhören bevor es keinen Spaß mehr macht. Eine Weisheit für das Leben.

Spielen ist keine Pflicht.

Es ist Freude.

Es ist Leichtigkeit.

Wenn die Leichtigkeit vergeht, höre ich auf.

Das funktioniert.

Ich spiele jetzt seit vielen Monaten täglich.

Manchmal nur 10 Minuten.

Es geht nicht um Leistung.

Es geht um Kunst.

Aber kommt Kunst nicht von können?

Aber nur weil ich etwas kann, muss ich doch nichts leisten.

Und wenn ich es nicht kann, muss ich es dann leisten?

Was ist überhaupt Leistung?

Als wollten Menschen nicht schöpferisch, geistig, körperlich, produktiv tätig sein. Das liegt in der Natur des Menschen.

Kunst kommt von Können.

Während der Himmel sich abends rötlich verfärbt, übe ich ein einfaches Stück von Bach. Und stelle fest: Bach am Abend ist ein wunderbarer Ausklang.

Irgendwann morgens starte ich mit „Born to be wild“ in den Tag. Es ist Geschmacksache. Musik bewegt. Innerlich. Äußerlich.

Die Band kommt mir in den Sinn. In der ich damals hätte spielen können.

An manchen Stücken hämmere ich verzweifelt herum. Ich übe sie, tage-, ja wochenlang, und es will sich kein Fortschritt zeigen.

Ich lerne mich selber kennen. Beobachte mich beim Spiel. Frage mich, warum bist Du nur so verbissen. Lass es.

Und dann plötzlich wird es leichter.

Es hat Monate gedauert bis ich Musik hören konnte. Bis ich Musik produziert habe. Bis ich einen Rhythmus gefunden habe.

Ich stehe am Anfang.

Ich habe keine Ziele.

Der Weg ist das Spiel.

Prayers, etc.: * 05:00 – Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel * 07:05 – praying The Angelus, followed by praying the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Holy Rosary, followed by the Memorare. * 07:30 – Readings from today's Mass include – Epistle: Philipp 4:4-9 and Gospel Matt 18:1-5. * 07:45 – making an Act of Contrition then making an Act of Spiritual Communion, followed by praying Archbishop Vigano’s prayer for USA & President Trump. * 10:05 – Thought for today from Archbishop Lefebvre: Jesus comes to save us. So He is constantly giving expression to that yearning which is fundamental in Him: that desire to save souls. Even while He is saving bodies, while He is giving sight to the blind, or as He gives the paralytic the ability to walk again, He has no other goal than to save souls. In saving bodies, He is saving souls because He demands faith of those whom He wishes to heal. Therefore He saves them by the faith which they have in Him. So He is communicating sanctifying grace to them at the same time. * 12:00 – praying The Angelus * 18:00 – praying The Angelus * 19:40 – prayerfully reading The Athanasian Creed, followed by today's Daily Meditation found in Benedictus Magazine, followed by praying the hour of Compline for tonight according to the Traditional Pre-Vatican II Divine Office, followed by Fr. Chad Ripperger's Prayer of Command to protect my family, my sons, my daughter and her family, my granddaughters and their families, my great grandchildren, and everyone for whom I have responsibility from any demonic activity. – And that followed by the Friday Prayers of the Association of the Auxilium Christianorum.

Health Metrics: * bw= 220.35 lbs. * bp= 138/81 (75)

Diet: * 06:15 – toast & butter * 07:50 – big plate of nachos w. meat & cheese sauce * 10:00 – cottage cheese & applesauce * 13:10 – 1 seafood salad sandwich * 13:45 – meat and vegetable combination plate * 20:05 – snacking on otap

Chores, etc.: * 05:00 – listen to local news talk radio * 06:00 – bank accounts activity monitored * 08:00 – following news reports from various sources * 11:00 – listen to relaxing music, leisure reading * 19:00 – After having spent most of the afternoon and evening buried between the covers of a book, I'm putting it down now to work on the day's chess games, and catch up on my afternoon and evening prayers.

Chess: * 19:30 – moved in all pending CC games

posted Friday, 2501-01-31 ~21:40 #DLJAN2025

The cancer isn't just in her spine. It has moved into her brain. It is now causing swelling and bleeding in addition to the racking body aches and vomiting. My sister-in-law as gone from a hopeful and bright person a week ago to a lethargic, speech-slurring woman in pain today. At least reportedly. She isn't up to visitors right now. So we're getting our information 2nd hand from her son.

This is particularly difficult for my wife. She's had her sister for 62 years and suddenly she is confronted with considering a life without her.

Holding Out Hope

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#confession #cancer

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(We’re trying, Max.)

After having spent most of the afternoon and evening buried between the covers of a book, I'm putting it down now to work on the day's chess games, and catch up on my afternoon and evening prayers.

posted Friday, Jan 31, 2025 at ~7:10 PM #QNJAN2025

I am not sure what I’m going to write here. With everything going on in the world right now (cliche phrase, but COME ON), I decided to try and write down some off my angst and stress and depression. As it is, I’m fairly lucky right now, and not heavily effected (yet). Many people are much much much worse off than I am from this, but this is just the beginning, so it’s about what’s coming down the road as much as it’s what’s currently happening.

I’ve been listening to The Orb a lot lately, specifically the album I first bought of theirs back in the mid-late 90s: Orblivion. Besides being good ambient, spaced out music, I have fond memories of listening to this while trying to get through Hazy Maze Cave in Mario64. It’s funny/good how music and smells can associate to specific memories like that. Anyway, I wonder if I am subconsciously getting back into The Orb, and this album in particular, because it brings my brain back to a quieter time of sitting in front of the TV playing video games and not giving a shit about anything else, although I was a teenager and probably had all the teenager stresses back then. They haven’t filtered through, though. I have Orblivion on right now as I write this, as it seems like good music to write stuff too. No real lyrics to pay attention to. Anyway….

The US is dead, it just hasn’t realised it yet. It’s been dead for a while, but everything seems to have amped up to a million in the last month, and it was already running hot before that. I think I want to try and examine how it died from my view, all the signs along the way that the wheels were coming off, and the killers who would ignore or even exploit the signs in order to get rich, or the myopic fools who had a genuine belief that a short-term fix was going to be a stepping stone to a better America (and world, being the world’s leading superpower).

I believe it started in the 70s with the rise of neo-liberalism as a backlash to the good life (for a majority, DEFINITELY not everyone) that seemed to form after The New Deal, but I am writing this from my view of the world, and that didn’t really hit until the 90s. I would say I was a know-nothing back then, but I remember in a debate class mentioning American Exceptionalism (although I didn’t know the term back then) to the surprise of my teacher when we were debating gas prices in class. I wasn’t a debate nerd, I just needed an extra class to fill, but that memory sticks in my head and makes me think “oh maybe I’ve always been disillusioned by America” even though I came from a white middle-upper class family, what America was heavily benefiting at the time.

Anyway, the turn of the century really crystalised stuff for me. This may be because of various things:

• Turning 18 in April 2000
• Dot com crash of 1999/2000s
• 2000 Election + the hanging chad scandal
• Moving to Australia in Feb 2001 / living with various different cultures in student residences
• 9/11 in 2001

I think a combination of all that really started giving me a different view of the world. I got out of the bubble of “America is the best!” that most Americans were/are insulated in, even unknowingly. It’s constant propaganda on TV, driving down the highway, etc. Some people embrace the nationalism, even more-so now, but the US is deadly to so many and is not a thing to be celebrated. I still had it ingrained in me. Right after 9/11 I remember setting my MSN Messenger name to “Operation Enduring Freedom”, encouraged by “our” response to Afghanistan. I remember my Dad messaging me saying “so I guess you’re for it, then?” or something along those lines. I think he knew it was bad, but I had to figure it out for myself.

So while I was being “deprogrammed”, I was still learning about the world in general. And every time I learned something new, it’d incorporate into my world view, and bit by bit, the patriotic love of the US was fading. Instead I was discovering how other countries aren’t worse than the US just by virtue of not being the US. In fact, I was learning how horrible the US was, and how cruel it was to large swathes of its people, and how they were even worse to people that weren’t Americans. But hey, the Daily Show was helping us sort this out.

I question if The Daily Show (and later The Colbert Report) was a net gain or net loss for the US. It was real good at pointing out the hypocrisies and shittiness of the US politicians, but it also promoted the West Wing-type (I’ve never seen the show, just know from context) debate of “well if you just point out where they are assuming something incorrectly, they’ll fix their view.” The Daily Show (and Colbert Report) were not prepared for politicians to be complete shitheads for ideological or greediness reasons. They thought everyone had good in them, and that if they were just given a kind hand, they’d come good. That is clearly not the case. They also promoted the idea that politicians would accurately vote or represent what their constituents wanted. That is also clearly not the case. So for a long while in the 2000s the answer to the creeping death of the US was “vote harder and debate the shitheads, giving them a voice”. Meanwhile, the US and the world got worse. As long as we vote for the Democrat, we’ll end up being OK! Was the DS/CR promoting solutions within the system because that’s all the writers could see? They were still owned by a major conglomerate (Viacom) which was profiting nicely off the status quo… so maybe they were directed to gin up outrage, but only so much, and only on one side, so there could be a steady flow of money. I don’t know, but either way, the time of the 2000s lead to an angry base for the Democrats to motivate and organise. Enter Obama.

If I had to pick one person who has convinced me the most that the Democrats are a lost cause, it’d be Obama. He ran an amazing ground game in 2008. Hope and change and all that, amazing grassroots organising. The people were fired up. The people were ready to change America! He won by a good margin! Let’s fix the US! Then he ripped up his grassroots network. The Great Recession was happening (not his fault) and his response was to reward the companies involved and jail no one of value (100% his fault). He completely capitulated to the exact same companies that ruined the lives of millions of US citizens (and non-citizens, that shouldn’t matter). Meanwhile, he pushed the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare). Originally a good concept, it included a provision for single-payer, meaning universal health care. This is unambiguously a good thing. But the GOP fought back and held his feet to the fire, and he crumbled. Suddenly the insurance companies are involved and have a say in what it will look like. In fact, they were courted. The Democratic curse of “run to the right in compromise” poisoned what could have been truly groundbreaking legislation. Obamacare did ultimately pass, and it was OK, and it helped some people. Ironically, a lot of the people it helped would never vote Democrat, so even as a vote-getting exercise, it was mid. It could have been so much more, though, if Democrats had stuck to their guns. But that’s not Obama’s style. This is the man that had a “beer summit” when a racist cop arrested a black guy in his own home. His solution was to kowtow to the right, whether out of cowardice or he just sucks, and make the guy that was FULLY THE AGGRIEVED PARTY sit down with the racist shithead that arrested him, like both were at fault somehow so both had to swallow some pride and sit down together. Bullshit.

So that defines a lot of Obama’s term. Constant capitulation and minor improvements that help a few and give the Dems something to try and differentiate themselves from the GOP, however slight. Meanwhile, the right is getting more conservative, more racist, more selfish. The overton window is heavily drifting to the right, by a base that is more angry and more ruthless about getting what they want. So we’ve got weak Democrats with nothing good to show, at this point running off their own smugness, and a strong, angry base in the GOP. Hello, 2016.

A successor to Obama was a big thing, he was a breath of fresh air to many who didn’t really have any dogs in the fight and were more worried about civility. The Daily Show/West Wing attitude of “we can debate” is now firmly in the minds of the Democratic party leaders, and most of the non-leaders, while the GOP is stripping copper from the walls. Who can pick up the mantle and lead the Democratic party, and the US, into a world were things don’t get worse, and maybe, just maybe, improve a little? How about the wife of an ex-president from another era? Someone who defines “civility politics”? Hillary.

The scheming of the DNC to place their chosen successor on the throne probably doesn’t need much detail, but I will say that by doing this, it satisfied the people within the DNC, but on the outside, it really showed the raw corrupt core of the Democrats to the world. The Dems saw Trump as an easy win, so took the opportunity to try and cement their power in the DNC, as obviously they would be the leader of the US next, and should be able to run their party how they want. This didn’t go well, of course. They couldn’t beat a multiple-bankruptcy game show host who was on the record of sexually assaulting women (and maybe even rape? I can’t remember at this point). The Dems were right, this SHOULD have been a slam dunk, but internal power plays and a disconnect from the people of America spelt their doom. I could have told you it was coming. People were screaming from the rooftops that it was coming, but the Dems at this point just ran off smugness. They want all the same money-making corruption the GOP has, but to appear above it… it doesn’t work. They’re shown to be the very hypocrites Daily Show had spent a decade showing us in the GOP. Panic mode set in, and the Democratic party decided to handle it how they always do: no new ideas, double down, capitulate further. Suddenly they are paring down bills before they even get to a vote. Then of course, these neutered bills are sent out for a vote, and the GOP demands even more concessions. It’s an unending cycle of weakness and pushing rightward.

Now is about the time I am completely disillusioned with America. Seeing the black heart of the party that is supposed to be the progressive party kills all hope. The GOP has won. America is in trouble.

Since then it has been more of the same. Fetterman, Sinema, Biden, Pelosi, Schumer, Feinstein. The Democratic administration was actively encouraging and supporting a genocide, and was proud of it. People like “The Squad” try to give a vaguely left voice, but are constantly sabotaged by their own party, even when what they’re pushing has already been cut down. The same playbook the GOP used against the Dems is now being used by the Dems against anyone who doesn’t support the corrupt core of the Dems.

What has their response been? More smugness, no self examination. People saying we need to vote more, need to get out the vote, need to SEND THE DEMOCRATS MONEY. These people are millionaires or billionaires off legalised insider trading, but they need my $20. You’ve gotta be kdding me.

So now Trump et al is in charge, and no one is around to fight him. AOC posts some good stuff but it’s just words. The Dems are lining up to support GOP picks for positions, no resistance, no fight. It’s over. The US is dead, it just hasn’t realised it yet.

OK maybe it’s not dead, but its salvation doesn’t lie in the Democratic party. What comes next is anyone’s guess. Every day Trump and team are stripping more and more rights from people, and destroying lives. Sometimes even with the encouragement of the so called “progressive party”. I don’t know what comes next, but I now the Democratic party won’t be the thing that stands up to it, that fights it. If anyone, it will be grassroots mutual aid communities that provide the most resistance. The Democrats will try to co-opt it like they do any popular movement they think they can profit off of, but they need to be rejected in the strongest possible terms. At this point the Dems are experts at poisoning a movement from the inside, it’s most of the career DNC members strive for. They cannot be allowed to get a foothold on what comes next, or it will all be for naught.

While all this is happening, and the US makes stupid move after stupid move, where it sits on the world stage will change. It’s been declining for a long time, but has still generally been the de-facto world leader. China has been making major inroads though (literally in some places). They’re providing other countries with actual infrastructure and support and help, not demands. When the US recently left the World Health Organization, China said they’d step in and give the funding that the US was withdrawing. I believe that since then some US-based billionaire has stepped in and said he will kick in, which I gotta assume he sees as a protective play from letting China take over the world, where his status would be greatly diminished. What’s amazing is people are lining up to thank the billionaire, like he didn’t make all that money off exploiting people. Capitalism is built on exploitation. The more money you have the worse you are. Billionaires are the worst.

Anyway, all this to say that time is ticking, and the US is accelerating its decline, both internationally and nationally. I think at this point I welcome it, however I don’t know how badly people are going to be fucked over in the meantime. I don’t know what China would be like as a world leader. They have problems, but I don’t think they’re any worse than the US at this point. It’s hard for me to accurately judge them because of the years of western propaganda we’re given about them, but the more I learn about the western world and how this supposed “better than china” utopia works, the more I see the (western) emperor has no clothes. I am curious to see what the world looks like under China, and hopeful that a change of that magnitude could lead to better outcomes, because right now there’s nothing.

At the end of all this is people. People have been getting the rough end of this, and will continue. People are suffering. People will continue to suffer. The US won’t save us. The Democrats won’t save us. China won’t save us. Target, Costco, AOC, Musk, Bill Gates, etc.. no one is saving us. It’s up to us to try and support each other. Mutual-aid networks are what keep people going. It can feel overwhelming, so many people need help, but mutual aid is where every little bit helps, much more-so than some millionaire politician’s slush fund. It’s hard to know who to help, how to help, and how much to help… but those are personal decisions that you make yourself, and the answer is: “whatever you feel comfortable with”. You are the only one to answer to. So give, help people, and feel good you’ve made a concrete difference in someone’s life. Do what you are comfortable with, don’t let yourself get bullied about what you do or don’t give, but by that measure, no bragging about what you do or don’t give. How you contribute is your business and should be done for your own desire to help, not for recognition. Mutual aid is how we fight the shitheads. It’s how we help each other. It’s how we shine a bit of light in a face of overwhelming darkness.

OK, I think I’m done screaming for now. Orblivion is almost at the end of the second CD (full of remixes and stuff). Do I feel better? I don’t know. The world is still horrible and getting worse, but we all do what we can to get by, with a emphasis on helping others who are currently worse-off.

❤️

Rijmend Vervolg

Ik zie een vijandbeeld die het hartje steelt de pomp ontvreemd die doet er dingen mee die het daglicht niet zien kan het onderste komt nooit uit de kan een onbekende stam de rede voor opstand een nare toestand voor een onbegrensd land niet te harden stank iets van de flank niet te vermijden ongeluk een fout gespeeld toneelstuk de mislukte voet afdruk een dag nooit geplukt de dood, het verdriet dat iedereen ziet het verkeerde lied waarvan niemand geniet het verkeerde moment de ingestorte feesttent het verloren kind de ogen verblind de helse pijn het niet daar zijn de azijnzure wijn het resultaat te klein iets om vaak en erg te vrezen dat is vast een vijandelijk wezen.

Nog eentje dan... anders staat er ook niks onfatsoenlijks op readwriteas

Ik heb zo'n behoefte aan een vijandbeeld een slang voor een eva een communist voor een kapitalist en vieze versje iets voor in de tuin altijd in tegen alles tegen vrede voor bestrijden tegen schillen voor bananen ik kan aan niks anders meer denken dan een vijandbeeld aanschaffen, regelen, iets mee afspreken voor een scherm- utseling waar het heen moet met die boze wereld waarin wij tv kijken muziek luisteren het doen op een scherm in een krant op de radio het is oorblog en niemand die het hoort, ziet, leest, snapt en goed kan veroordelen en dat moet wel zo'n vijand bestaande uit fragmenten aan de muur uit slogans eentje met rancune, die je kan bestellen reserveren met reserves een lege macht een lege huls die ik met vijand beelden vul een nog te schieten foto te herschrijven geschiedenis ik zoet iets zwartes versus wittes iets stekkerigs versus iets contactigs een tegen standje een partij een democratische demonstratie en leider die het kwaad kent, het boze goed kan zien en horen die weet waar die vijandbeelden klaar staan voor bestrijden met plaatjes een oorblog waard is er een vijandbeeld ergens opgeschreven in een boekwerk via een document in het nieuws opdoemend voor een praat programma een ellendeling te halen uit de herinnering voor een grondige hekel en hopen intense haat hijzij die de schuld heeft geef me mijn vijandbeeld ik wil mijn eigen vijandbeeld in huis met woorden via de bodes geleverd als een boodschap een virus een rat een vogel een splijt stof bom een appeltaart een monster onder mijn bed iemand met een pijl en boog speer punt een aap een beer een overlast een buiten mij levende een geloof in mij als de vijand, zo'n vijand beeldje ik dan ben, onbemind gehaat, toornig beeldig vijandbeeldje op de tv aan de muur met een lichtzwaard een masker verstopt in de kast of mouw in zee een aan lager wal vis een substantie een laag drek een blubberig geheel iets met vlammen een staart ik wil een anti redder een vals heerschap in gebreide schapenwolf kleertjes nou en een kromme groeiende rode snotterige neus en grote gele blauwe bruine rode splijt ogen een verwilderde paardenstaart onstuimig kroeshaar en enorme dikke buik vol nare verrassingen iets met woede + toorn + agressie : minne zaken, iets met overdaad overwicht met bulderende kanonnen in petto en 1001 kunstmatig slimme computers met spuiten vol gen sap en voor miljarden aan versterkte vijandbeeld en geluidsbronnen iets oerouds of splinternieuws moderns om tegenin te moeten gaan een veranderling een fan van een beest en een feeks, een woord tovenaar, een magistrale gluiperd een bokkig manneke met enorme lul vijandbeeld voor op de schoorsteenmantel naar teken aan de wand op een donkere of juist hel verlichte plek en ik wil ook een held om in te geloven die het gaat opnemen tegen het vijandbeeld er naast in hetzelfde stuk die het beeld in stukjes smijt en dan zijn vuist heft en zegt zie zo mormel! yeah anderhalf uur niet langer, dan moet ik naar bed.

The first month of 2025 is over, and it’s been a month, to say the least. But here at QBW, we celebrate queer literature and refuse to stop, no matter what. Here are some awesome queer stories that came out this month.

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Blade of Castrial

Author: Niranjan

Join Niranjan’s Newsletter

Release Date: January 31st, 2025

Genre: Fantasy

Representation: Bisexual

When Lucian is made Blade of Castrial, the second highest position in Castrial, next only to the King, it’s the culmination of an impossible dream. But when the Shield of Castrial is killed and all clues point to his lover and best friend, Alaric, Lucian has to make an impossible choice.

Kofi || Amazon || Kobo || Apple || B&N || Google Play || Everand || Smashwords

Ebook: $0.99

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The Uncontinented Stars

Author: Haden Cross

Follow Haden Cross on BlueSky: @yavin4.bsky.social

Release Date: January 21st, 2025

Genre: Science Fiction

Representation: Queer trans man narrator; main cast also includes a queer trans woman, a butch lesbian, and two queer men.

A queer, science-fiction re-imagining of Moby-Dick. When celebrated xenozoologist Abelard Cousteau returns five years after his assumed death following an accident in deep space, he seeks out his former protégé, Noah Starbuck, to accompany him on his first post-resurrection assignment. The two of them are tasked with auditing the first batch of humanity's exoplanet research bases, but Abelard's attention is focused elsewhere—on the creature that allegedly caused his accident, the creature he and Noah studied as theory, the creature he now wants to kill.

Content Warnings: Animal death/cruelty, body horror, medical content, psychosis, colonization, emotional abuse, transphobia

Itch || Amazon || Kobo || Other Retailers

Ebook: $1.99

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Europa University: Admissions

Author: Cori Catchthorne

Follow Cori Catchorne on BlueSky

Release Date: January 6th, 2025

Genre: Erotic kinky science fantasy web serial

Representation: Polyamorous nebularomantic pansexual-disaster sweet submissive trans man / charismatic quietly bloodthirsty queer trans man (with other pairings to come)

Privileged, polyamorous trans ingenue Emile Devigne is just starting at Europa University when he meets Cylus Keene, a young man with a shadowed past trying to secure a better future for himself and his twin, Cynthia. And even more entanglements await Emile on Europa…

Updates every other Monday!

Content Warnings: Enthusiastic yet dubious consent, eroticizing knives/blood, hypnosis/mindfuckery, BDSM

Author Website || Tumblr

FREE

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Lillith of Endings: Otherworldly Anarchist, Book 1

Author: Dreamer's Riot

Genre: Fantasy, Isekai, Portal Fantasy

Release date: January 21st, 2025

Representation (Series): Lesbian, trans masc, trans femme, polyam, just about everything

Annie Beckett, a teacher and biologist, wakes up in as Lillith. In a new world and a new body. She remains brilliant, fierce, and sapphic: three traits women are not allowed in the monarchy she has found herself in. But she had the fire to fight corruption on Earth, and that fire was reborn with her.

Content Warnings: Sensitive Content, Abuse, Suicidal ideation, mentions of (but not depiction of) sexual assault, Graphic Violence

Amazon || Royal Road

Ebook: $4.99

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Cat/Mouse

Author: Eliza Mares

Genre: Science fiction

Release date: January 14th, 2025

Representation: Nadine and Ulu'zah (love interest) are both lesbians. Nadine is a woman of color.

Veteran bounty hunter Nadine picks up the job of a lifetime — fifty thousand credits just to capture an art thief — but one look at her beautiful target tells Nadine that her “simple” contract is about to get very complicated.

Content Warnings: blood, violence, foul language

Amazon (Kindle Unlimited)

Ebook: $4.99

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Stories from the Deep (The Chronicles of Nerezia 4)

Author: Claudie Arseneault

Genre: High Fantasy

Release date: January 9th, 2025

Representation: Aromantic, Asexual, Non-Binary

In which the Wagon crew runs afoul of the kraken and must piece together the Fragments’ mysteries to escape it.

Content Warnings: Shipwreck

Itch || Amazon || Kobo || Other Major Retailers

Ebook: $3.99

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Thank you so much for checking out all these amazing queer stories! Make sure to sign up via email or subscribe via RSS feed if you want to be the first to be notified when we post our weekly and monthly queer lit highlights!

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