Published

The deadline for the blog came and went. It wasn’t as bad or as scary as I’d begun to feel, but I still can’t help but wonder and feel whether or not my supervisor supports what I suggest. I always feel a pushback or resistance. Especially, lately. I’m trying to observe it without letting it drown me or alter my intention and motivation. I’m simply allowing the frustration that comes with this realization to come visit without it dampening or overpowering my solidity and even my intuition. I do not need the validation of anyone, but in order for me to work well with someone, I do need their trust. I need them to already recognize that I have a consistent and solid work ethic and very strong principles. And when decided, I get things done. I woke up feeling a little lighter about the blog that needed to be published knowing that I just need to clean up a few things and that it’s finally ready. I put it through one of those AI writing detectors just in case

Synchronicity

I was 10 minutes late for meditation today. I haven’t been sleeping at the right hours. I’ve been sleeping at 304am and waking up at 9am at the very earliest but, 11am on average. I had been thinking a lot about The City and Its Uncertain Walls novel and its themes were on my mind as a sat for the meditation. During the Dharma talk, I was still a little sleepy, and so I closed my eyes to listen. I like that what was being shared with us was from the Monk’s direct experience, and about how there is more to life than discipline and following the “things you think you need to do”. That it’s still important to let the light in. The translator first used the word shadow instead of light, but when I asked to clarify, when we were allowed to ask questions, apparently she meant to translate “komorebi” which is the phenomena of “sunlight leaking through trees”and it immediately made me think of the book.

There are these and small things throughout the day that always make me feel that everything is truly connected.

Printing Era

My friend L found a printer outside her doorstep some weeks ago (the one that I had to lug and bring along on my night out dancing). I finally got a chance to test whether or not it works. I bought printer ink and installed it today, and… *drum-roll* it works! It absolutely works. Nothing printed when I used the old ink, but once replaced—everything worked out. I only paid $50 for the ink, and it’s a usable machine. I can’t believe that that’s where we are. People are so well-to-do and comfortable that they leave perfectly usable machines and electronics out on their doorsteps, to take, for free.

#writing #daily

It is a strange thing for me to feel desirable in this sense. I find myself in situations where I am caught off guard by someone finding me attractive or something along those lines, and them treating me better than I have been treated in the past. And I think it’s a weird thing for me to reflect on.

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Chapter 1: The Quiet Guilt You Carry Into Sunday

There are Sunday mornings when you do not want anyone to know you are struggling with church. You may still believe in Jesus. You may still pray. You may still care deeply about your faith. But when the morning comes, something inside you resists. Maybe you are exhausted. Maybe you were hurt by people you trusted. Maybe you are ashamed that you have been away so long. And somewhere beneath all of that is the quiet fear that God is keeping track. That is why what Jesus really said about going to church on Sunday matters. Not because you are looking for an excuse, but because you want to know whether the guilt in your chest actually sounds like Him.

Jesus did not give His followers a command that said, “Be in a church building every Sunday or you have failed Me.” He lived within Jewish Sabbath life, and when people turned the Sabbath into something harsh, He challenged them. In Mark 2:27, He said the Sabbath was made for people, not people for the Sabbath. That statement does not dismiss worship. It reveals the heart behind it. God did not create sacred rhythms so people could become terrified of missing them. He gave them as gifts meant to draw people closer to Him. That is where learning to follow Jesus beyond a Sunday routine becomes so important, because faith was never supposed to shrink into one morning on the calendar.

Maybe you know what it feels like to sit alone at the kitchen table while a church service is happening somewhere else. The coffee gets cold. Your phone is face down. You are not doing anything rebellious. You are simply tired, or sad, or trying to understand why being around church people has become complicated. There is a difference between running from God and trying to heal in His presence. Sometimes those two things look similar from the outside, but Jesus has always been better at seeing the heart than people are.

That does not mean isolation is always healthy. There are times when the next faithful step is to let another believer back into your life. It may not begin with a crowded sanctuary. It might begin with one honest conversation, one small group, one person you trust enough to tell the truth. Faith can become dangerously private when nobody is close enough to notice that you are losing hope.

But I do not believe Jesus is standing at the door with a clipboard, measuring your worth by your attendance. I believe He is asking whether you are coming closer. Are you becoming more honest with Him? More willing to forgive? More open to receiving help? More willing to love people who are difficult to love? Those questions reach much deeper than whether you occupied a seat for an hour.

If Sunday has become heavy for you, do not begin with shame. Begin with Jesus. Let Him separate the voice of guilt from the voice of invitation. Church can become meaningful again when it stops being a test and becomes a place where you can breathe, listen, worship, and remember that you do not have to carry faith alone.

Chapter 2: When Faith Becomes Something You Carry Alone

There is a particular kind of loneliness that can happen when you still believe in God but no longer feel at home around other Christians. You may pray in the car, read Scripture late at night, and think about Jesus often, yet still avoid the people who might ask where you have been. Sometimes the distance begins because life got busy. Sometimes it begins because church became painful. Sometimes you simply stopped going for a while and then felt too embarrassed to come back.

That kind of isolation can slowly change the way you see yourself. You begin assuming everyone else has stronger faith. You imagine they will notice that you have been gone. You tell yourself you need to get your life together before returning. Before long, what started as a few missed Sundays becomes a private wall you do not know how to cross.

Jesus never treated struggling people that way. He did not tell them to clean themselves up before coming closer. He moved toward people who were confused, ashamed, rejected, and tired. He ate with people religious leaders looked down on. He spoke with people others avoided. He had a way of making room for the person who thought they no longer belonged.

That matters when Sunday feels complicated. Returning to Christian community does not have to begin with pretending everything is fine. It can begin with honesty. Maybe you tell one person, “I have been having a hard time.” Maybe you attend quietly without trying to explain your whole story. Maybe you find a different church because the place you left is no longer healthy for you. Reconnecting does not have to look dramatic. Sometimes the smallest step is the most faithful one.

I think about the person sitting in a parked car outside a church, watching people walk through the doors while trying to decide whether to go inside. The engine is still running. Their hands are on the steering wheel. They are not afraid of God. They are afraid of feeling out of place. That person does not need a lecture about attendance. They need to remember that the church is supposed to be a place where imperfect people come because they need grace.

Christian community matters, but it should never become a performance. You do not need to prove that you belong by acting stronger than you are. You belong because Christ has invited you into His life, and every believer is still learning how to follow Him.

If you have been carrying faith alone, perhaps Sunday can become less about proving something and more about allowing yourself to be known again.

Chapter 3: When Sunday Becomes a Place to Return

The next Sunday may arrive without any dramatic change. You may wake up in the same room, with the same questions, the same tired body, and the same uncertainty about whether you are ready to walk through a church door again. That is okay. Faith does not always move through big decisions. Sometimes it moves through one small act of trust.

Maybe your step is simply getting dressed and going. Maybe it is watching a service at home because that is what your health allows right now. Maybe it is calling someone you trust and asking if you can sit with them. Maybe it is opening the Bible at the kitchen table and telling God the truth about why church has become hard. What matters is that you are not hiding from Him.

Jesus did not ask you to build a perfect Sunday routine. He asked you to follow Him. That means your faith can meet you in a sanctuary, in a hospital room, on a work shift, in a quiet apartment, or in the car before you decide whether to go inside. The location matters less than the direction of your heart.

At the same time, do not let fear make every decision for you. If part of you wants Christian community again, listen to that longing. You may not need a perfect church. You may simply need a healthy place where people are trying to love Jesus, tell the truth, forgive one another, and keep growing.

Sunday can become lighter when it stops being a test. It can become a place of return. Not a return to pretending, but a return to grace, to people, to worship, and to the quiet realization that Jesus has been near you even in the weeks when you did not know what to do.

Your friend, Douglas Vandergraph

Explore the complete Douglas Vandergraph Master Index: https://douglasvandergraph.com/douglas-vandergraph-master-index/

Watch Douglas Vandergraph’s faith-based videos on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@douglasvandergraph

By this I do not mean an unanswered question. That is simply a question in waiting. There is the possibility it carries no movement, no relation. An unanswered question may simply lack an answer.

An unfinished question possesses something more valuable: room for another person to enter. We often imagine teaching as the transfer of knowledge. A student asks a question. The teacher provides an answer. The transaction is complete. The question has served its purpose and may now be discarded. Yet I have discovered that some of the most important moments in learning occur when the question remains alive. Sometimes uncomfortably so. A student asks whether the water in a lake is drinkable. The teacher might answer, “Yes.” Or “No.” Or provide a detailed explanation of salinity, contamination, and water quality. But there is another possibility: “Suppose it is brackish...” The statement does not answer the question. It does not evade it either. And it it not deploying the deflective technique, of asking an adjacent question. Instead, it enters the question and gently alters its shape.

The student must now continue. How would we know? Could it still be used What alternatives are there The question moves forward, but ownership of it remains shared. The value lies not in uncertainty but in relationship. This manner of proceeding; I will not call it a technique; for it falls as part of the essayist's third honesty. For the invitatation must allow that the student may respond with a question that the teacher has not imagined.

We have become accustomed to treating thought as a race towards completion. The answer is assumed to be the goal. Yet completion carries a risk. A question answered too completely ceases to belong to the person who asked it. And excludes the contribution of others, or closes down the desire for further inquury. “What if” becomes actively discouraged. Even to the point of “Wait and see”.

The unfinished question preserves participation. It is an act of restraint. The teacher, writer, or friend contributes enough to advance the enquiry, but not so much as to monopolise it. This is not ignorance. It is not hesitation. It is a deliberate decision to leave room for another mind. In this sense, the unfinished question, as I have already expressed, is closely related to the Third Honesty. The first honesty concerns facts. The second honesty concerns interpretation. The third honesty concerns relationship. It acknowledges that some meanings should not be delivered complete. They should be approached and, perhaps aquired, together.

A reader encounters this experience in good essays. A writer points towards something, makes a connection, suggests a possibility, but stops short of exhausting the subject. The reader supplies the next step. The essay becomes not a container of conclusions but an invitation to participate. The unfinished question therefore has social value. It creates a small space in which thought may become shared rather than transferred. Perhaps this is why it remains difficult for artificial intelligence to reproduce. AI excels at completing patterns. The unfinished question requires a different discipline: knowing how to continue an enquiry without bringing it prematurely to an end.

The point is not to avoid answers. The point is to contribute in a way that preserves the possibility of further contribution. To extend the miment and diversity of inquiry. An unfinished question is not an absence. It is a gift. It is the place where another person may continue or begin.

The idea of the unfinished question resembles several established traditions, yet differs from each of them in a crucial respect. Dewey understood education as inquiry and the reconstruction of experience; Freire saw learning as the co-creation of knowledge through dialogue. Rilke, I think I recall, urged us to “live the questions” rather than rush towards answers.

Yet the unfinished question described here is neither primarily educational, nor political, nor existential. It is relational. The issue is not that the answer is unknown, nor that knowledge must be jointly constructed, nor that one must patiently inhabit uncertainty. Rather, one person intentionally contributes to another's question without completing it. The contribution advances the enquiry while preserving the other's capacity to continue it. In this sense, the unfinished question is not a gap in knowledge but a gesture of intellectual restraint. One does not leave a question open because one cannot close it, but because closing it would diminish another person's participation in its development. Where Dewey emphasises inquiry, Freire dialogue, and Rilke the lived question, the unfinished question concerns something slightly different: the ethics of continuation. It is the art of contributing enough, but not too much.

---

There is more... but I have not yet clarified...

What I've been discussing so far, is largely about making room for another person's participation. But my intuition suggests something additional. Perhaps the unfinished question contains a tacit signal: “I know there is more here, but I do not yet know exactly what that more is.” Or, perhaps “This enquiry has not reached its natural boundary.” In other words, the contribution does not merely stop. It points beyond itself. “Suppose it is brackish...” does not simply invite a response. It carries an implicit sense that the field has expanded. More has become visible than can presently be said.

That feels different from Rilke's “living the questions,” which concerns remaining with uncertainty over time. Here the gesture is much smaller and more conversational. It is the moment when one senses that the enquiry has become larger than the current exchange. An essayist often writes this way: not “therefore...” but “and this suggests...” “one wonders whether...” “perhaps the question is not...” The writer does not merely leave a gap. The writer indicates the presence of further territory. You might call it a surplus of meaning or a gesture beyond completion. The most honest contribution is not one that ends where the speaker's knowledge ends. It ends where further participation becomes more valuable than further exposition. I suspect that's what I'm really saying: There is a difference between: “I have nothing more to add.” and “There is more to add.” The unfinished question lives in the second of those.

And perhaps that is why it feels connected to the Third Honesty. The writer is honest not only about what is known, but about the fact that the enquiry now exceeds any single participant. The question has become larger than its current expression. The proper response is not closure but invitation.

One other obaervation. The unanswered question is a lack. The unfinished question is a structure.

Finally, there may be value in mentioning Sigi – he is, of course, *The Ambassador Extraordinary for Unfinished Questions. I think the third story in the chain discloses his appoinment to the post. There are others if you care to scroll through. https://sigi.ie David Marshall Flic en Flac, Mauritius

Dead Sea by The Lumineers is my go to song for sad days.

What is yours?

Hi blog friends!

For your viewing pleasure – a cool picture of a how low can you go cloud in front of the Temecula hills surrounded by a beautifully saturated blue sky. Definitely a sign that fall has arrived here. You wouldn’t know it today though, as the high is hitting 100 degrees as I write this! What are some signs that fall has arrived in your neck of the woods? Let me know via comment, message, text or email (link is at the bottom of this post).

By the way, this pic was taken on the way to our loundry room. Paul and I have started referring to our clothes as loundry because we’re always lounging and only go out when an Amazon package arrives or when we have to.

Hope this update finds you well. Due to the sudden onset of some badass menopause related knee tenderness and joint pain, I’ve been spending the better part of the summer sitting at our kitchen table sipping warm cups of coffee with extra milk, napping, watching YouTube videos and TV and reading up on estrogen and what happens to our bodies when it becomes depleted. I’ve also started taking avocado oil capsules and eating canned pumpkin as well. Think I’ll be switching to pumpkin powder instead. I also tried an estrogen patch. Threw it in the garbage an hour after putting it on because it was leaving me feeling awful inside. Went back and forth between bouts of estrogen rage, detachment, loopiness and just general feelings of malaise for a few days afterwards. So glad for the reprieve my body has been able to give me today.

Those of you who are on the lookout for Halloween coloring pages might appreciate the ones that Cute Snail and I put together. They’re 100% FREE to download, designed for kids and adults of all ages and can be printed at any scale. Links are below. Shares of your finished color ups, decorating, gifting or crafting stories are welcomed on our fall community gallery wall. Just click “Post” to post.

Cute Snail Sweet And Happy Halloween Wishes Coloring Page

Cute Spider Web Filled With Stars Smiles L-O-V-E Halloween Coloring Page

Cute Purr-fectly Spooky Cat Face Spider Halloween Coloring Page

That’s it! See y’all next time! 👋

❤️ Juliet

Welcome to my Blog Site:

This blog site is about the benefits animal companionship and my journey to my Girl Scout Silver Award.

In May 2025, I became a Guiness Book World Record holder when I acted to raise awareness of the benefits of animal companionship to people by attempting to apply the most animal themed headbands to my classmates in 1 minute. I am so grateful for the support of my school community for their participation!

Did you know that having animals around us can help us live healthier, stronger, more enhanced lives?

The health benefits of animal companionship to humans, according to research:

-Animal companionship is proven to make humans happier. -Pet owners laugh more than non-pet owners. -Pets can increase life satisfaction. -Animals can become a part of the family and stimulate serotonin levels in the brain. -Animal ownership can increase fitness, lower blood pressure and cholesterol, relive stress, and improve mental and heart health. -Animal companionship can help humans suffering from PTSD, depression, and loneliness.

When I was younger, we would incubate and hatch duck eggs from our ducks and raise them into our flock on the farm and pond. These ducklings brought joy into my life and were so fun to take care of! They were also VERY messy, so they required more work than chickens. They require cleanup of their water every day, and it gets so gross that it is unhealthy to share waterers with other birds. But they are really cute and sweet characters. Ducks can be allowed in neighborhoods, but it is wise to check your city and neighborhood’s ordinances first.

Supplies ducks need: Chick waterer:22-42$ Heat lamp:10-12$ chick feeder:3-10$ wood shavings:5-16$ a shelter of some sort (coop, box, etc…):100-600$ water (fake pond, baby pool filled with water etc…):15-600$ Enjoy your ducks!

Ideas for Engaging Your Pets:

-Walking you dog is always a nice way to get your and your pet active outdoors.

-Some dogs love water, some don’t. But they all need to be taken care of and they love the attention.

-Old pets can learn new tricks, so try teaching your pet a new trick for a treat.

-Try out a new toy or go to a pet play place. Pets need friends too!

Hiking with my dogs feels good. I get great exercise, fresh air, and the joy of exploring! My dogs love it and I love watching them love it! It is a great bonding experience and creates wonderful memories.

Goats are loveable too!

Raising a goat herd has taught me a lot about animal social habits and family ties. Goats love their people if they see them often. They need a lot of space to graze, and they can help clear brush from large areas of woods too.

Ways to help animals live better lives: -Preserve the environment, conserve energy, recycle, try not to waste water or other resources. -Post a link to support a local animal charity on your birthday. -Volunteer, foster, adopt, spay and neuter. -Choose products not tested on animals. -Allow some areas of land to stay wild, support land trusts and parks, take time to enjoy wildlife in your area and visit wildlife preserves.

Bee-ing aware of pet environments.

Keeping bees has taught me a lot about the environmental hazards we take for granted. Colony collapse issues are very prevalent in the U.S. We use a lot of pesticides on our yards that can kill bees. Farmers spray them on their fields and bees travel to find nectar from flowering plants to make honey. They need some of that honey to survive on through the winter, but we can have some too!

Organizations to which you can donate locally:

-Local animal shelters and Humane Society. Donate pet food, treats, toys, old pillows, towels, and blankets.

-Volunteer your time to give attention or basic care to the animal shelter dogs and cats.

-Tigers for Tomorrow. Become a member and donate to organizations that rescue wildlife like this one: https//www.tigersfortomorrow.org

Being an eggcellent friend!

Raising a flock of chickens is rewarding! They not only provide fresh eggs, but they also love to eat leftover fruit and vegetable scraps. We have loned our fertilized eggs and incubator to my science teachers to hatch eggs in class to help teach lots of kids about cells and the embryonic stages of life.

References: Gmeiner, M.W., Gschwandtner, A. (2025). The Value of Pets: The Quantifiable Impact of Pets on Life Satisfaction. Social Indicators Research. From: https://doi.org/10.1007/s11205-025-03574-1

Valeri, R.M (2006). Tails of Laughter: A Pilot Study Examining the Relationship Between Companion Animal Guardianship and Laughter. Society & Animals, 14(3), 275-293.

Weiss, C. (2021). Mayo Clinic Q & A: How Owning Pets Can Lead to a Healthier Lifestyle. From: Https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org

Next Wednesday I will be taking a night bus to Frankfurt, Germany to attend Cauldron, “an OSR Euro Con.” This year the con will run four days, with packed schedule: old-school games, Chainmail competition, AD&D tournament, you name it.

I will be running four OD&D games using little brown books only:

• Thursday Block II Halls of Viridian Mist: You fell down the pit trap. Now you are rolling in a pile of refuse while green mist is making you gag. Will you get out alive? Or will you feed what lurks beyond the haze?
• Friday Block I Abattoir of The Impotent Idolater: The Golden Eagle has gone missing. Gore-ladden trail leads to the cave deep in the woods. Tales of monstrous abominations run amok. Will you be the ones rescuing this holy regalia from the den of evil?
• Saturday Night Block Conquering the Barbarian Altanis: Do you dare leave your mark in the Barbarian Altanis? Will you feed the insatiable hunger of antediluvian ruins? Session 197 of our ongoing campaign.
• Sunday Block I The Darkness Beneath Megadungeon: Can you survive the Warrens of the Troglodytes?

Below are my thoughts and reflections on preparing for the con. They build on my previous preparations.

Selecting adventures to run

Since I knew this would be an incredibly busy year for me, I planned in advance. Three of four sessions would use adventures, while the campaign session would be emergent. Last one, technically, demands a lot of preparation, but all of it is done in weekly increments so it spreads out.

I authored two out of three adventure I will run, so that minimised the time investment as well. First, Halls of Viridian Mist, is a Jaquays tribute dungeon. It features many twists, turns, secrets behind secrets, factions, and more. I ran this twice, and it was a howling success both times. Players will be pressured to think and act quickly, for viridian mist is ever hungry.

Abattoir of The Impotent Idolater is based on an adventure site from our very own campaign. It left such a mark on the players they deemed it worthy of Wilderlands Hall of Fame and commissioned legendary Stephen Poag to illustrate The Abomination which gave them nightmares. Players will have to be both careful and daring, or else risk suffering horrible fates.

My good friend Mitch Hyde encouraged me over the years to write it down. I finally did, and it will be published in the con exclusive zine Beneath the Black Pyramid. Andrew Walter did an absolutely amazing illustration for it, capturing the vile atmosphere down to a v.

Warrens of the Troglodytes is one of the levels of the legendary, community-driven Darkness Beneath Megadungeon. If you think Tucker's Kobolds were bad, wait until you experience the Attronarch's Trogs. Hero level characters, first level dungeon, maximum level threat. Also, the chief editor of Fight On! zine will be at the con as well, available to answer questions about the megadungeon.

Last year Conquering the Barbarian Altanis session attracted 17 players, and lasted well into the night, going for some six hours or so. It was both the largest and longest game of the con, albeit unplanned. Everything that happened then impact the campaign world, leaving a lasting mark. This year will be no different. The session is open to anyone willing to endure the savagery of the Barbarian Altanis. Expedition plan will be decided on the spot, by the players who attend. Several of our regular players will be there, but everyone gets a vote. Players can expect total freedom and opportunity to leave a lasting impression on an ongoing campaign.

Preparing supporting material

Due to how I run the game, I just need a battle-mat, markers, wiping cloth, and dice. Players bring their own dice. As I wrote before, I find OD&D just perfect for con games:

One of the reasons I prefer running OD&D at cons is because of how lean and fast it is. It is mostly rolling d6s and d20s, options and spells are limited (just compare Cleric spell lists in Men & Magic to the one in Greyhawk), there are only three classes, and contains only the most essential procedures for running underworld and wilderness adventures. Perfect!

Since reference materials are re-usable, I simply printed what I had prepared last year:

• Judge reference sheets
• Cleric and Magic-User spell references
• character overview
• 80 character sheets

An attentive, eagle-eyed reader might notice that characters have suspiciously similar attribute scores to those from the last year. Indeed, I just changed the names and few optical elements. Creating new characters is the most time consuming activity, so I re-purposed as much of the work that I could. Also, I wonder how many will make it to the end of the con this year...

Choosing games to join

When I learned the con would be four days I rejoiced, because I thought it'd be easier to join all the games I wanted to partake in. Oh, how wrong I was. The agenda is absolutely packed with great sessions. Games offered span OD&D, AD&D, retroclones, Chainmail, and naval battles.

On Thursday I plan to join EOTB's Convention Dungeon's; after that I will run Halls of Viridian Mist until everyone dies or escapes. On Friday morning, after a hearty breakfast, I will run Abattoir of The Impotent Idolater, and then spend rest of the day playing. I am eyeing Palace of the Eternal Autocrat with Gabor Lux, THALANÛR: Against the Pale Citadel with Dreadlord, Sunken Redoubt of the Serpentine Lich with Ignatius Umlaut, and Army of Madness with Settembrini.

Next day I plan to join Temple of the Gnoll God with Keith Sloan, and Return to the Storm Giant's Castle with Ignatius Umlaut. The latter will surely be a blast, for it is an unofficial sequel to one of the worst Judges Guild adventures. I will finish Saturday by running the Conquering the Barbarian Altanis night session. I am curious to see where the players take it! There is only one slot on Sunday, and as usual, I will run a Darkness Beneath Megadungeon level.

Looking forward to next week. Let me know if you are attending, and come say hi even if we don't play together.

#Convention #Cauldron #OSR #FightOn