Two more things I wrote at Renfrew today. “Dear Diet culture” was an assignment during a group therapy session. “I’m scared of my body” is a personal vent.

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Dear Diet Culture

Dear Diet Culture,

I would ask what’s wrong with you, but I already know. You have many roots, some more sympathetic than others. You were so afraid of food, once upon a time, and for good reason—too often, food was poison. What a horrible state of affairs. But that time is over, and all you have left is hatred. Hatred for health, for real bodies, for gender-nonconforming people and people of color and women. You crave money over life and trash decency everywhere you go. You are vile. And I know my disgust won’t kill you. But I will sever your strings, one by one, my own and others, and maybe by the time I die you will be weaker than when you first laid your blood-stained hands on me and my family.

I would say I hope you die a slow and painful death, but that would leave you in this world longer than necessary. No, I hope you die a quick and humiliating death. I hope you live only long enough to panic and fear for yourself, only to realize it’s futile, and you give up with your pride shattered.

I hope I live to see that day, but if I don’t, my ghost will enjoy it anyways.

Fuck You,

Junia

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I’m scared of my body

I feel my body waking up, and it scares me. “No one has yet determined what a body can do.” There is no control, no safety, in that. My body paints fat and muscle and bone where it pleases, without my consent. It feels in turns hostile and bewildering.

I am told not to hide from my body. Day by day, I shrink from its assaults. I feel them, but cannot rise to meet them. I’m scared of my body. I’ve never met anyone as uncooperative as my metabolism.

Hunger, hunger, hunger. My body asks me to feed it more. I feel like I gave the mouse a cookie. It learned not to ask for things, before, but now it asks for so much. “It is fixing the damage done.” I liked how I had remodeled the place. It’s taking a sledgehammer to what I had built.

It doesn’t know how important this is. How it will impact how others treat us. Opportunities, care, self-esteem. It doesn’t care. Inconsiderate, disrespectful, insubordinate body!

Adding to the internet and hoping this will help someone.

I had a Zpool that wouldn't delete, so I asked AI for help. They ultimately did help, but it was a long process. It would have been longer if I had had to look for the answer myself.

The command that saved me was:

sudo zfs set volmode=none zroot/. This caused the OS to stop seeing the pool as a disk volume.

After issuing this command, zpool destroy worked as expected initially.

#FreeBSD #ZFS #zpool

What we touch becomes the water we live in... let us be carried together.

River Garavogue

Rushes, Rushes, And hushes, Hushes.

Swans, majestic, Float toward the gentle Shuffle of rocks That slip beneath Hyde bridge.

Slow, elegant Boats that know The feel of the Garavogue Like a lover knows A body

They slip along the nape of wet glory, their silence speaks In ripples only love can read, This blue reads them like verse

Painting a moment For this soul, That will define Splendor every time I glance at the memory.

But for these swans, It is only a Tuesday. And not really even.

It is just today.

They've no thought of tomorrow, And the concept of yesterday Is little more than feeling.

How great the chasm between The beauty of made things.

Here I sit with my dread, 
burdened to name
 what simply is.

Deceived
 that I am somehow 
in control.

Yet these simple swan, Elegant and graceful Beyond definition, Embrace each moment As it comes.

And this, This is how Life comes Not AT you, But FROM you.

Fellow master, mine, Hold my hand won't you? Let us ride our Garavogue snake

And be grace, witnessed. Beauty, longed for. Life, made. Together... and golden.

In the way He intended, Let you and I be players upon The stage together For all the world to see.

We will pass the rapids , And the bridges, The floods and the Droughts.

And our yesterdays Wont' be feelings, They will be stories Tales and Fables.

And our cygnets will Hang on every word Of how the swans we were.

And no matter Where the snake took us, We rode.

Oh, how we rode.

And because Of the journey

The worlds we build will long to be swans too.

Strong Style Pro Wrestling Vol. 38 results from Tokyo, Japan at Korakuen Hall on Thursday, March 19, 2026 live on Eplus JP pay-per-view:

Rina and Azusa Inaba defeated Big Haruka and Lady C when Inaba pinned Haruka in 11:04.

Tiger Mask and TAKA Michinoku defeated Kota Sekifuda and Ikuto Hidaka when Tiger Mask submitted Sekifuda with a Chicken Wing Facelock in 8:50.

Miku Kanae and Sareee defeated Kaoru Ito and Uta Shima when Kanae pinned Shima with a locomotion jackknife in 9:38.

Kazuyuki Fujita and Kendo Kashin defeated Hideki Sekine and Satsuki Nagao when Fujita pinned Nagao after a soccer ball kick in 8:57.

Hayato Mashita, Masakatsu Funaki, and Yoshiki Takahashi defeated Fuminori Abe, Super Tiger, and Masashi Takeda when Funaki submitted Abe to a Triangle Choke in 11:01.

SSPW Women’s Tag Team Champions Jaguar Yokota and Megumi Yabushita defeated Rina Amikura and SAKI when Yokota pinned Yabushita in 13:36. Yabushita injured her shoulder during the match but was able to finish.

SPPW Legends Champion Kuroshio TOKYO Japan pinned Daisuke Sekimoto out of a reversal in 16:05.

Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.

Burn off the maelstrom and sit quiet with the morning.

Let the light tell me what kind of day the day has;

Does it wake sour and grey or break open, Shower the world with brilliance,

warm sunshine, Bring life and majesty to every surface touched.

The Designer sees that the work is done, gray or not—

but what majesty when the sky is miles of blue.

Then the Master’s work is fully on display.

If only these iron sheets weren’t so heavy.

Only a hero can throw them off and charge into the battle of life, seizing the crown of being awed.

Spring thee from thy slumber!

Heroine or hero, snatch your sword and shield and to battle in a world of indifference.

The fight will not be easy or short, but nothing worth doing ever is.

What it will be is glory.

And glory changes you.

So, let this small moment be the first step, the one that hurts, just a little.

But then, awe and wonder let you become. 


That you change into the person you need to be,

into the person the world needs.

And I think that’s beautiful.

---

#poetry #ireland #day #WYST

#002321 – 06 de Agosto de 2025

Na margem do rio pairam, revelando a direção da imperceptível brisa, partículas de dentes-de-leão, flocos de neve seca quase imaterial. Páro de ler e levanto os olhos, coço a barba e provoco uma nuvem de partículas mais pequenas mas mais pesadas, caspa, que ecoam a leveza a que não podem aspirar, pontuando de ridículo o meu sentimentalismo tão fácil e oportunista.

Bison vs Spartans.

My game of choice today comes from first round of the 2026 NCAA men’s basketball tournament. It features the Nunber 3 seed Michigan State Spartans vs. the Number 14 seed North Dakota State Bison, and has a scheduled start time of 3:05 PM Central Time.

And the adventure continues.

El Gorras cayó como un saco de plomo en la cama, con whisky hasta en las suelas. Sin saber cómo, ocultó el revólver debajo de la almohada y comenzó a roncar como si estuviera contando una novela. Era una noche de mediados de marzo, aún hacía frío en las madrugadas.

Fue incapaz de decir nada cuando lo levantaron y lo esposaron. Seguía tan borracho como al acostarse, pero cuando se movió el vehículo, el aire fresco del amanecer lo terminó de despertar.

En el camino vio florecillas rojas sobre el fondo verde.

Nadie habló y cuando entraron a los sótanos, parecía que también el tiempo estaba detenido. Pensó que el arma estaría debajo de la almohada o camino del laboratorio.

Muchas cosas sucedieron. Los momentos eran duros, como frenados, y el aire, denso, intragable. El inspector jefe de homicidios le dijo:

-Colabora y podrás irte. No tengo nada contra tí, tu arma está limpia. Dime el nombre y la dirección de los amigos con los que estuviste anoche en el club, y estarás en la calle. -Mire inspector, el problema es que yo anoche no estuve en el club. -Si te vio todo el mundo. Eh, muchachos, dice que no estuvo en el club. Y todos rieron. El Gorras se rascó la cabeza, tratando de recordar. Junto a su mesa estaban dos desconocidos con una rubia. -Eso no fue anoche, busquen en otra parte. -Llévenlo abajo -dijo el jefe.

En la cárcel, todos sospechaban que estaba encubriendo a un pez gordo. Era un hombre duro, sabía lo que hacía y disponía de dinero.

Tiempo después regresó a su habitación. Se metió en la ducha y se dijo:

-¡Qué problema! Cuando me echo dos tragos no me acuerdo de nada.

YouTube has gotten me into another niche tech thing…

I was watching a Youtube video about how Iran started up a new numbers station since the new war started, and how it got jammed on its original frequency and was moving to another one. It’s wild that Iran is falling back to old tech and the US and Israel just can’t handle it, but that’s not what this post is about.

After seeing the video, Youtube suggested another of the channel’s video, which was titled The Idiots Guide To Meshtastic – Long Range Comms! “Hey, I’m an idiot,” I thought “long range comms in a little handheld device could be cool!” I’ve always been curious about radio communication even though my knowledge level is very low, and my enthusiasm about having to mount gear on giant poles outside is even lower. Short wave seems to require that type of outside gear, but watching this video, that didn’t seem the case for Meshtastic. Off to Kagi I went to find an Aussie store that sold this gear.

I ended up at IoT Store, a Perth-based place that had a Meshtastic area in their online shop. After some random browsing and reading, I ended up getting a WisMesh Pocket V2 Meshtastic Device, and on impulse I threw in a LoRa Antenna Kit to increase my range. I was again pleasantly surprised that increasing my range didn’t involve adding something I had to post outside and figure out how to run electricity to (I rent).

A few days later the gear arrived, so time to go!

Meshtastic

I’m not going to review the device itself. It uses a WisBlock RAK4631 chip, which seems pretty common and effective for this purpose, and the device seems to work fine. It has an on/off switch, and a single button you can use for browsing menus (long pressing to select stuff). The Meshtastic firmware was a bit out of date, but connecting to the device over USB using the web-based flasher in a chrome-based browser worked fine.

I jumped on using the Meshtastic app on my Android phone, hoping to see it start to pick up nearby nodes, and……. nothing.

I was looking at most of the state and there were no nodes. Uh oh.. maybe I should have done some more investigation before buying.

I posted on Mastodon, and some very helpful people told me that I may have to let it run overnight to see if it picks up any nodes, but also Meshtastic wasn’t great at scaling, and that most people in Victoria (my state in Australia) had moved to MeshCore. Luckily, Meshtastic and MeshCore use the same gear and the same frequencies, so my Meshtastic device should be able to get onto the MeshCore network with some extra work.

I let Meshtastic run on my device for 3-4 days, and it found no one. It’s possible I would have found Meshtastic nodes if I had put something up outside to give better range/etc, but that’s exactly what I wanted to avoid. Time to try MeshCore…

MeshCore

Using the same sort of flashing method, but using the MeshCore flasher website instead, I was able to get the firmware installed. It is *slightly* less noob-friendly (at least to me), and I spent some time trying to figure out why my phone wasn’t able to connect to the new MeshCore-firmware-flashed device. It turns out in the flashing process you have to choose “Companion Bluetooth” to enable the bluetooth radio on the device. I was choosing “Companion USB” as I was flashing via USB, but that wasn’t the way to do it. After that, I was able to connect to it on my phone using the MeshCore app.

A kind person on Mastodon had already told me that Victoria MeshCore people use the “Australia (Narrow)” radio settings to communicate, so I was able to set that:

I saved my settings and checked the map anddddddddd.. nothing. uh oh.

I was more confident this time, though. I *knew* the people were out there, and that Victoria had a good MeshCore network (thanks again Mastodon people). Potentially I had to put something up outside (ugh), but first I had a new app to click random buttons in to see if I could get anything.

At the top of the app is a radio icon. I hit that and had the option of “Advert – Zero Hop” and “Advert – Flood Routed”. Just by the names, zero hop seemed to be contacting everyone close to me, and so I guessed that meant Flood Routed meant it would push everywhere. I did Zero Hop first, and after about 5-10 seconds, saw nothing, so I try Flood Routed… then I tried Flood Routed again 30 seconds later.. and.. I started getting notifications of nodes that were being discovered! It was working!

Oddly, and I have no idea how this works, it was discovering nodes around Albury/Wodonga and one on the other side of Melbourne. Weird. But it was working.. and someone had posted to the public chat! I could see that! I tried to send a message asking for someone to confirm they could see me, but got no response. Damn.

I went to bed for the night. When I woke up the next morning and went back to the app, I was seeing over 100 nodes!

This was great! And there were overnight chats in the public channel! All this was happening after about 9 hours of being on. I was stoked.

I sent another message to the chat asking for confirmation. After sending this, I noticed instead of saying “Sent” under the message, it said “Heard 1 Repeat”. This clued me in that the chat client in the app shows stuff is actually sent if I hear it repeated back to me at least once. When it says “Sent” and doesn’t update to “Heard # Repeat(s)”, it means the message didn’t make it out. Good to know.

I can explain the early timestamps: I have a cat that likes to wake me up around 5-5:30 in the morning.

Anyway, this was great news. I left it and started my day, and checked in later in the afternoon. I had (literally) hundreds of new nodes listed!

There was even a repeater in NSW that I had seen (not directly, but through the network).

It’s now been a couple days and I have maxed out my contacts (nodes) list. The device can only hold 350 nodes, and by default it will add every node that is mentioned on the network. Maxing it out in a couple days is huge! I have ticked an option that cycles out the oldest seen nodes to add the new ones, so I think my list will stay at 350 contacts now.

What’s Next / Annoyances

The public chat is a mix of people testing and people chatting about life or whatever. Yesterday a person visiting Melbourne from Denver, CO, USA hopped on and said g’day. They had brought their MeshCore device down with them. They said Denver is just starting to build its MeshCore network and they liked how popular ours was.

I have found that I get about a 33% success rate of my messages actually making it out to a repeater on the first try. Thankfully the app has the option to long-press the message and say “Send Again”, to let it try and send out again. After a couple tries, it generally makes it out. That was annoying me, so… I’m somewhat doing what I didn’t want to do: I’m buying something to put outside.

As was pointed out to me in the chat, part of the fun of MeshCore (and similar) is building your own devices with the different radio boards/whatever, but for this purchase, I went for another pre-built thing so I can be sure it’s not my terrible soldering if it doesn’t work. I purchased a SenseCAP Solar Node P1 Pro, which I plan to flash with MeshCore in repeater mode. Then I plan to put it somewhere outside, and hope the solar is enough that I don’t have to try and run power to it. I am well aware that higher/line of site is better, but I still don’t want to mount a pole to my roof, so I’m planning just to set it somewhere outside, maybe just on my roof, or hanging off it somewhere. We’ll see, but I’m hopeful that extra little access of being outside (instead of my bedroom where the WisBlock is right now) will give me clear access to the multiple repeaters that around me, and I won’t need the height.

Conclusion

I think it’s extremely cool that this invisible network exists and there’s a large group dedicated to helping everyone communicate, either doing it for fun hobby reasons, or “real” reasons. One of the things pushed with Meshtastic/MeshCore is it can be used on rural sites when hiking/on farms/etc where signal won’t reach, and I’m sure it works great for that. It’s sweet this exists and is being run across Victoria’s suburb wasteland around Melbourne, as well as across the state as a whole. I am excited to see how well my external repeater helps my message sending, as well as feeling good that I might be helping out others in my immediate area (1km around me, after that they’ll be closer to another repeater around here) that are on the network (if any). I’m also looking forward to learning about setting up the repeater itself. It scratches that nerd itch.

Things are weird right now in the world, and the Internet is being enshittified more every day. Here’s something that’s pure, done by people for the love of it. It’s great.