From Different to Unique

I went from feeling different to understanding that I was unique. When I arrived in college, it became one of the best experiences of my life. For the first time, I met people who understood me. These were not just classmates or acquaintances. These became friends I consider brothers and sisters today. I no longer felt like the outlier. The amount of deja vu I experienced in those years and continue to experience now made me feel seen and grounded in a way I never had before.

College helped me realize that nothing was wrong with me. My confidence started to grow, even though I still had a lot of healing to do. I was still dealing with depression from not having many friends in high school. I was still learning how to come into myself. But something important was happening. The seeds of my spiritual journey, the same ones I have spoken about in these blogs, began to evolve during this time. I will always be grateful for that.

I remember being approached by a member of the poetry club on campus. I went to a meeting, and instantly everything connected. We talked openly about the same things I write about now. The spiritual experiences. The intuition. The mysteries of the world. The deeper layer of existence that some people feel and some have glimpsed, but most never slow down enough to see. Everything I carried inside me, everything I thought made me strange or isolated, was normal in that room.

There is something incredibly powerful about finding a circle of people where you do not feel like the odd one out. It is rare. It is sacred. It is a privilege. I could finally speak freely. I could say that when I was a kid, I used to hear whispers in the apartment when I woke up in the morning. I would get up to investigate, and no one would be there. I knew even then that I did not have schizophrenia or any mental health disorder. Something else was happening. Something spiritual. Something subtle but undeniable.

I could tell them about my intuition. I could explain that it allows me to feel deeply for people, to sense things before they happen, to walk into a room and know what someone is going through without a word being spoken. I could talk about moments where emotion and energy moved through me so clearly that I understood what was about to unfold before it did.

For the first time in my life, I was surrounded by people who did not judge that. They did not look at me like I was strange. They understood it. Many of them had similar experiences. Many of them felt the same veil I always sensed around this world, the thin separation between the physical and the spiritual, the seen and the unseen.

College was not just an education. It was the moment I went from feeling different to embracing that I was unique. It was the moment I learned that my sensitivities, my intuition, my spiritual awareness, and my depth were not flaws. They were gifts. They were part of who I am and who I was always meant to become.

Prov

#002272 – 18 de Agosto de 2025

Diz Christof Koch que o paradigma vigente e errado, no que toca ao entendimento da consciência, é o “computational functionalism” que vê a consciência como software a correr no hardware que é o nosso sistema nervoso central. Segundo o neurocientista, não existe nenhum teste de Turing para a consciência. O que o teste de Turing mede é a inteligência: quão capaz de se fazer passar por um humano é uma máquina.

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Unconditional

I think about unconditional love often in the context of what happened to me, because violence is what put me in this wheelchair. That is the simple truth. I remember the dark feelings I went through during my recovery, and I remember how heavy everything felt. Those emotions still rise sometimes. I no longer try to block them. I let myself feel them, and then I choose a different direction for my heart.

Justice still matters. Justice has a purpose. There is nothing wrong with wanting accountability or consequences. I deserved justice, and anyone in my position would feel the same. Even with that truth, I still find moments where I feel compassion for the person who harmed me.

Maybe they never learned any better. Maybe they made a terrible decision because of fear or pressure. Maybe they were trying to impress the wrong people. Maybe they were forced into a life they never wanted. Maybe I was a case of mistaken identity. I cannot know the exact answer.

What I do know is that I feel for them. I feel for the human being behind the violence. I think about what must have been happening inside their mind and their heart that led them to that moment. They shot a person they did not know. They shot someone who had never harmed them. Something very broken had to exist inside of them for that to feel like a possible choice.

I wonder about their life now. I wonder if they sleep at night. I wonder if they feel regret. I wonder if they ever wish they could undo what they did. I will never know their current truth, but I imagine that they carry something heavy.

Even without receiving justice, I still choose love. I choose empathy. I choose compassion. I do not choose these things to excuse what happened. I choose them because I refuse to let hatred define my life. I refuse to let darkness shape the person I become. Unconditional love does not mean forgetting. It does not mean allowing harm. It means recognizing the humanity in someone who failed to recognize mine, and it means choosing to rise above what tried to break me.

Prov

I will make certain my next laptop has an AMD graphics card. NVIDIA graphics cards have caused me so much pain and frustration on Linux. I should have known better than to go with NVIDIA for this laptop, honestly. I don't know what I was thinking.

I've heard that NVIDIA drivers for Linux are improving with the growth of AI, but it's too little too late. I want something stable that just works!

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