This won't just be a home for old writings. Just putting a few things here while I shutter some internet presences. Writings anonymised and in one place. Lovely.

#notes #december2025

Yesterday I watched a game of chess. This was the third game between two people: one homeless, the other suspended 20 to 30 feet above the Earth in a small perspex box near Tower Bridge. The score was one all.

The man in the box was renowned magician and levitator David Blaine. His latest trick, Above the Below, is to go 44 days without food in said box, thereby besting Jesus’ world record by four days.

I see Blaine’s opponent, Francois Greeff, at about 10 in the morning. A large chessboard plastic pieces is laid out. On it it says U R NOT ALONE.

Greeff strides into the field of play, an apparently ordinary gent in a suit. He carries a sign. “Hidden Disability is the Prime Cause of Homelessness”. Blaine acknowledges with a friendly wave.

Like many — maybe all — people affected by homelessness, Greeff is not the stereotype.. Most passers-by will see a man in a suit looking intently at a chess board. If they speak to him they’ll hear a well-spoken South African accent. Upon closer inspection, though: the tattered suitcase, fraying suit, laceless shoes.

After weighing down the mat — autumn is putting in an appearance, it seems — the game begins. Greeff hides two large pawns behind his back. Pointing, Blaine chooses. He’ll play white.

The ranks and files of the board are labelled in duct tape, 1 to 8 and A to H. Greeff and Blaine have developed a simple but effective sign language. Blaine raises a hand to indicate he’s ready to move. This gesture differs only slightly from the friendly but lethargic wave to visitors. Greeff acknowledges with a wave of his own.

Blaine holds up some fingers, corresponding to the rank where the piece he wants to move sits. If there’s more than one, Greeff points to a piece with a broomstick. Blaine wags a finger, and then points left or right. Before long it’s thumbs-up.

Next, Blaine holds up some fingers to show how many squares he wants to move. This time Greeff picks up Blaine’s piece puts it down in the various possibilities. Blaine responds either thumbs up or thumbs down. It’s all great fun to watch.

Blaine plans his moves with pen and paper. His attention only moves to the giant board as Greeff makes his grandiose moves. Blaine communicates alertly, keenly and seems generally normal. (This was at the time that some of his TV appearances were borderline catatonic.)

It’s played out in public, but this is a personal battle for Greeff. He doesn’t want help. He insists that you don’t point at the board when you speak to him, in case Blaine interprets this as taking advice. Otherwise, he’s happy to talk.

“There’s no doubt about it, there’s a real man up there”, he says to passers by who question whether Blaine’s stunt is somehow a trick. “You know when you arm-wrestle, you can feel the resistance and strength of your opponent? This game is the same. I can feel the strength and resistance of David’s mind.” Greeff’s mind isn’t too shabby either. Later I’d find out he’s written a guide to cryptic crosswords.

The game lasts six or seven hours. Sometimes there are errors. Blaine gives away a bishop cheaply in the opening phase. But these are players in unusual circumstances. David Blaine hasn’t eaten for 15 days. Greeff’s story is different. “My cause is more important than my name, so please refer to me as The Hidden Disability Guy, his website says.

Blaine takes longer to move than Greeff. Maybe he just wants to the entertainment to last. Most days there’ll be no game of chess. There’ll just be people waving, or make guerilla documentaries. On a bad day, people throw things.

Mid-afternoon the storm comes. Greeff, equipped with umbrella, continues undeterred. Later he tells me he’s pleased that it rained. As visitors hurry for cover, Greeff is resolved.

Greeff wins between 4 and 5pm. He’s nibbled away at Blaine’s material the whole game. Under-prepared, I watch the end game from the cover of City Hall.

Greeff eventually gives up the umbrella — too windy. He packs up his things with the help of a wobbly associate, dancing to the tune of Special Brew.

Later, I bumped into Greeff at London Bridge station. I congratulated him on his victory, two games to one. He’d arrange to get some pictures from the hipster media types, but he was skeptical that the media proper would be interested. I suggested the internet may be different. Encouraged, Greeff gave me a sticker with his contact details.

“Email me, but make sure you tell me who you are and where I spoke to you”, he said. “I have a disability that affects my memory.” Shaking hands, we parted ways. I went north, The Hidden Disability Guy went south.

#notes #september2003

Hace tiempo, cuando acumulé la suficiente fuerza para ello, me vi un video sobre las tradwives que me interesaba. La autora no es santo de mi devoción, ni la sigo ni nada, pero quería escuchar el discurso. Centra su video en recordarle a la gente que las tradwives son una performance, y no debería usarse como manual de ama de casa. Aún así me siento violenta y molesta porque se reitera con frecuencia que “muy bien por ellas, que hacen mucho dinero con su actuación, una forma más de trabajo y performance”. No, muy bien por ellas no, el hecho de que su performance mueva dinero no la hace más legítima (quizás lo empeore aún más, si cabe). La responsabilidad sobre lo que proyectan sigue estando ahí, no sobrecae solamente en las mujeres cansadas y enganchadas al scroll infinito de sus respectivas aplicaciones (por lo general) privativas. Destaco esto último porque es fácil que el algoritmo de estas apps enganchen una búsqueda de un perfil de mujer que consista en “tips para cocinar” o “tips para calmar a tu bebé” en una ola de tradwives.

Hay cosas de toda esta retórica de mujer ama de casa (más allá del movimiento tradwife) que me resulta muy complejo. Hay una asociación automática del cuidado del hogar con su contraposición, girl-boss creo que se llama popularmente, basada en la idea de excelencia y esfuerzo en el entorno laboral.

Escoge tu veneno.

Al rebuscar esos espacios que están entre ambos conceptos, me he visto en un aprieto. Cuando he leído a Adrienne Rich hablar de la casa y la maternidad en Nacemos de mujer, me he sentido tan violenta que he tenido que frenar. La maternidad se presenta como un yugo en el que se mezcla el amor por una criatura y el odio a todo lo demás que representa cuidarla. No puedo leerlo ahora mismo.

Cuando he leído a Vivian Gornick en Apegos feroces, empiezo a ver varios “registros” de mujer en la casa y veo reflejos de eso que busco, pero de nuevo el patriarcado deslumbra siempre en ese papel. Por ejemplo narrando como su madre se quedaba en la casa pese a haber empezado un trabajo porque su marido (pese a ser activo en círculos de izquierda de mediados de siglo XX en EEUU) sentía agresividad en la idea de que su hija se criase sin una madre constantemente en la casa.

Saltamos entonces, entre otros, a Ir más allá de la piel, escritos de Federici, donde por fin encuentro textos que sitúan el cuerpo, la mujer, la maternidad y el hogar desde otra mirada. Voy a destacar un parrafito que me llegó como una bocanada de aire:

(…) Y la maternidad podría no ser un acto performativo de género, sino entenderse como una decisión política e instauradora de valores. En una sociedad autónoma y autogobernada, este tipo de decisiones se tomaría teniendo en cuenta el bienestar colectivo, los recursos disponibles y la preservación de la riqueza natural. (…) la decisión de tener un hijo también debe contemplarse como una negativa a permitir que los planificadores capitalistas decidan quién puede vivir y quién tiene que morir o ni siquiera llegar a nacer.

Subrayo con el lápiz “podría no ser un acto performativo de género”, satisfecha. Ahí empiezo a encontrarme. Desde los feminismos hemos hablado tanto de cuidar y criar como una sentencia, que cuidar y criar parece el camino malo. Si bien es cierto que por lo general, la independencia económica ayuda a las mujeres a sortear algunos caminos de opresión (por ejemplo la diferencia de poder y su respectiva exposición a la violencia que supone depender de un hombre, pareja o familia), ensalzar la figura del trabajo solo sustituye una prisión por otra.

Volviendo al tema de las tradwives, leí en algún lado la frase “si es lo que quieren, no hay nada de malo”, acompañado de algún comentario sobre las feministas queriendo imponer elecciones vitales sobre las mujeres. Aquí hay varios puntos a destacar. Para empezar, casi todos estos videos (me he tenido que ver algunos o parte de ellos, poco a poco porque si no era una tortura emocional y mental) comentan algo en la línea de “mi marido me ha pedido X, y yo hago su deseo realidad porque él paga las facturas”, y por cierto, no he encontrado tampoco ningún tipo de reciprocidad de “él hace X por mí porque me quiere mucho” o similar. Hay una posición muy clara promovida en esos videos: el hombre (siempre hombre) que se supone que es mi pareja sentimental, es mi jefe. Mi vida doméstica y emocional son un anexo de su vida, él es el protagonista. Dentro de esto, algunas actúan mostrando algún tipo de cuidado (por lo general absurdamente sacrificado) a sus criaturas. Sea como fuere, este tipo de discurso sólo tiene sentido en un contexto que se asume patriarcal y poniendo el centro en quién pone el dinero (que se asume sin rechistar que es un hombre). Por lo tanto, ya de primeras eso de “libertad de decisión” necesita muchas comillas.

Por otro lado la proyección activa de ese rol a través de las redes está promocionando que la mujer (en general y sin avisos de ningún tipo sobre que están haciendo una performance) acepte ese papel. Lo romantiza, y lo eleva a una imagen que puede distar mucho de lo que realmente era tradicionalmente una mujer, su hogar y su familia. Quiero aclarar con esto último, no me refiero a que esta realidad fuera más atractiva ni mucho menos, si no destacar que no hay una búsqueda real sobre tradiciones o una investigación sobre la mujer de hace generaciones. Es sólo una selección muy concreta de fantasías: cocina, maternidad sacrificada (incluso en situaciones que no requerirían de sacrificio) y sumisión a la figura masculina. Generalmente acompañado también de una estética concreta de ropa y estilo.

En este espacio tan violento, ¿cómo encuentra una referencias para criar desde los feminismos? Pareciera que el simple hecho de criar y cuidar ya viene asociado a “rendirse” al patriarcado, si una escucha los ecos de las redes.

He estado luchando contra esta marea desde el momento en el que me quedé embarazada. Si buscaba referencias, videos, artículos, etc sobre crianza, era un auténtico campo de minas. Ese video cuqui que te enseña una receta interesante y esa madre que te explica como ha hecho un juego sensorial para su bebé, puede saltarte de pronto con una postura fantasiosa tradwife y te hace sospechar o, peor aún, dudar sobre ti misma. “Yo sólo quería cuidar y enseñarle el mundo a otra personita”, es lo que me he repetido muchas veces desde hace un año y algo. De pronto me he visto empujada a una situación en la que el trabajo se ve con otros ojos, y los roles de género que ya resonaban de antes a lo lejos ahora son campanazos diarios. No quería asumir ese papel de girl-boss pero tampoco actuar como madre sacrificada que se queda en la casa.

Para mi la respuesta ha sido una mezcla de varias cosas, como no tener cuenta en redes tipo Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, etc. Pero principalmente juntarme con otras madres. La soledad, el cansancio y la falta de tiempo facilitan que cualquier mensaje simple y fantasioso envenene la proyección de la realidad. Sin embargo juntarme y hablar con otras mujeres (que, irónicamente, es algo que sí ha hecho en otras generaciones), me ha ayudado a encontrar esa crianza de la que habla Federici. También, en mi caso, tener una pareja sensibilizada que ha hecho su búsqueda, estudio y trabajo personal en paralelo al mío para compensar esas cosas que el patriarcado asume de nuestra relación, como el hecho de que él sea una suerte de jefe.

Tener una red de apoyo fuera y dentro de la familia afecta también a ese concepto de sacrificio, y me hace pensar que si no llego y otras llegan, mi hija se beneficia de mi salud emocional y mental, así como de contar indirectamente de más amor a parte del mio. Mi hija sigue siendo mi hija, pero por ella se preocupan (y diferentes medidas) toda una comunidad, seleccionada con cuidado por su padre y por mí. En este descubrimiento de la crianza también caben muchas más posibilidades (quedarse o no en casa, en que medida, de qué manera, por ejemplo, sin que esto sea agresivo ni me haga dudar de mi apoyo a los feminismos. Los configura de una forma más abierta y realista.

Los cuidados como parte de esa proyección de sociedad amable, no como una soga patriarcal. Son una acción que rota. Un día mi pareja me cuida, otro le cuido yo, y así entre les dos, cuidamos a nuestra hija. A veces me siento perdida, pero otras madres tienen la experiencia que buscaba para encontrarme. La respuesta -para mí- estaba en la comunidad, y en salir de esa red de soledad, de individualismo envenenado que promocionan esas redes.

Las tradwife solo son actrices que se aprovechan de ese veneno tan lucrativo.

La crianza y los cuidados no son exclusivos de sus fantasías.

Y eso será lo que le muestre a mi hija.

JOURNAL 4 deécembre 2025

Les psy aujourd'hui m'ont dit que j'étais tout au bord de la falaise mais faut pas que j’aie peur de sauter. Je connais déjà la réponse et je ne veux pas l'accepter parce que ça va inévitablement me questionner après sur moi-même, et je ne veux pas. Et c’est vrai, je sais ce soir qu’ils ont raison. J’y ai bien réfléchi depuis. Oui ça y est, je sais, et je n’ai pas envie d’aller plus loin. Et je sais qu’il va bien falloir le faire, et A sera à mon côté. Mais je ne veux pas le faire tout de suite. Je veux d'abord un gros câlin, gros gros gros, je veux pas descendre au fond.

Washington University of Health and Sciences Belize News: Why Caribbean Medical Schools Are Becoming the Top Choice for Aspiring Doctors

According to the latest Washington University of Health and Sciences Belize News, more aspiring doctors are exploring the advantages of pursuing their medical education in the Caribbean. With flexible entry pathways, globally aligned programs, and strong clinical training opportunities, Caribbean medical schools have quickly become a preferred option for students aiming to build a successful career in medicine. 1. Flexible and Student-Friendly Admission Processes Recent updates highlighted in Washington University of Health and Sciences Belize News show that one of the biggest attractions of Caribbean medical schools is their accessible and student-friendly admission system. Many passionate students face intense competition and limited seats in traditional medical schools, especially in the U.S. and Canada. Caribbean institutions provide an alternative route that maintains high academic standards while giving deserving students a fair opportunity to pursue their dreams of becoming physicians. 2. Globally Aligned and Modern Curriculum Another key point emphasized in Washington University of Health and Sciences Belize News is the strong academic foundation offered by Caribbean schools. Their curriculum aligns with global medical education standards and integrates clinical concepts early in the learning process. This design helps prepare students for international licensing exams, including the USMLE, ensuring compatibility with medical systems in the U.S. and Canada. 3. Early Clinical Exposure and Expanded Training Opportunities Caribbean medical schools are especially recognized for their early clinical exposure. Reports from Washington University of Health and Sciences Belize News highlight how students gain hands-on experience in real medical environments sooner than they might through other pathways. Many institutions also maintain partnerships with hospitals in the United States, giving students exposure to diverse patient populations and helping them build confidence in clinical practice. 4. Advanced Learning Facilities and Technological Support Modern infrastructure is another reason more students choose Caribbean schools. As mentioned in Washington University of Health and Sciences Belize News, many institutions continuously upgrade their simulation labs, anatomy centers, and digital learning tools. These facilities enhance learning by helping students better understand complex medical concepts and develop essential clinical skills. 5. Supportive, Diverse, and Student-Centered Community Caribbean medical schools are known for maintaining small class sizes and fostering a supportive academic environment. This personalized approach allows students to receive one-on-one guidance from experienced faculty. The diverse student community also enriches communication skills and global awareness—qualities vital for future doctors. Conclusion As reflected in the latest Washington University of Health and Sciences Belize News, Caribbean medical schools offer aspiring doctors a strong combination of opportunity, academic excellence, and global readiness. With flexible admissions, a modern curriculum, innovative facilities, and robust clinical pathways, these institutions are becoming the go-to choice for students committed to building a rewarding medical career.

el frío se pega a la ventana y aunque no es nada nuevo este tiempo es así de anticuado un invierno que atrapa la casa estira las horas mientras el silencio / según se mire es soledad o abrigo

STAGES OF MUSIC & AUDIO PRODUCTION

The concept of audio projects, from the earliest ideation to the final release, is an intricate science of creative and technical stages. In this article, I share my personalized approach to music production, which guided me through the production of my EP “Arete.” By distinguishing specific stages, I was able to track my progress, make strategic decisions about project continuance, and effectively manage the overall production process.

I. CONCEPTION

The conception stage sparks the musical journey into existence. It's the birth of an idea, inspired by spontaneous creativity, and born from experimenting with diverse instruments or styles. This stage is characterized by its fluidity and speed; it often concludes as soon as an idea holds enough merit to warrant investing more time and resources.

II. DEMO

Next comes the demo stage, often the longest part of the process. Here, the structure and sound of the track are explored and experimented with, using various amps, synths, and sounds. It's during this stage that many projects are shelved, making it a critical make-or-break point. However, those that persevere are rewarded with a solid foundation track, marking the successful conclusion of this stage.

III. SESSION PREPARATION

Session preparation is a meticulous process involving several sub-checklists. At this stage, the foundation track is exported from the demo project and imported into a new one, complete with key signatures, tempo settings, and beat mapping. Recording settings are adjusted to ensure optimal quality, with stereo recordings set at a 48kHz sample rate and 24bit. Busses are created and assigned, and instruments to be used are prepared.

IV. SESSION

The session stage is where performance and dynamics take center stage. Each performed instrument must have between nine to seventeen takes per alternate take, ensuring a diversity of options for the final mix. This stage is often the most enjoyable, allowing the musicians to immerse themselves in their craft. While individual tracks' durations may vary, a full-length EP typically takes about 2.5 months to perfect.

V. MIXING

The mixing stage focuses on achieving balance and editing the track. After resetting the board and adjusting the faders, a stereo mix is created and then converted into a Dolby Atmos 7.2 surround in a new project alternative.

VI. MASTERING

During the mastering stage, the track's volume is adjusted to prevent distortion and achieve the right loudness. This stage also includes designing the cover concept. The final result is then loaded into a new Logic Audio project file, using a mastering template with Izotope’s Ozone Mastering. The process should not be rushed and requires regular breaks to rest the ears.

VII. DISTRIBUTION

Distribution involves uploading the music to a platform, such as Distrokid, and setting a release date approximately six weeks out. All metadata and accreditation should be completed at this stage, ensuring a smooth release.

VIII. RELEASE

After release, marketing projects commence. By this point, the production process is finalized and complete. #yeggeArticles

In the world of audio production, few tools are as misunderstood—and as essential—as overdrive and distortion. While often associated with screaming guitar solos and aggressive rock music, these effects play a far more nuanced and universal role in modern music production. From the warmth of a vocal track to the punch of a drum mix, subtle harmonic distortion has become one of the secret ingredients that separates amateur recordings from professional productions.

Understanding the Fundamentals

At its core, distortion occurs when an audio signal exceeds the capacity of a system to reproduce it cleanly. When you push an amplifier, preamp, or digital plugin beyond its linear operating range, the peaks of the waveform begin to flatten or “clip.” This clipping creates new harmonic content that wasn't present in the original signal—additional frequencies that add color, character, and perceived loudness.

Overdrive is a gentler, more gradual form of this clipping. It typically introduces predominantly odd-order harmonics (3rd, 5th, 7th) and compresses the signal in a smooth, musical way. Think of it as the sound of analog circuits being pushed just past their comfort zone—warm, saturated, and forgiving.

Distortion is more aggressive, with harder clipping that generates both odd and even harmonics in greater quantities. This creates a more obvious, textured effect that ranges from fuzzy warmth to outright sonic destruction.

The Science of Saturation

When a signal clips, the flat-topped waveform contains additional frequency content beyond the fundamental tone. These harmonics relate mathematically to the original frequency:

• Even harmonics (2nd, 4th, 6th) are octaves and musical intervals that sound consonant and pleasing, adding thickness and warmth
• Odd harmonics (3rd, 5th, 7th) add brightness, edge, and character, but can sound harsh in excess

Different types of distortion—tube, tape, transformer, transistor—each have unique harmonic signatures. Tube distortion, for instance, emphasizes even harmonics and compresses smoothly, which is why it's prized for its “musical” quality. Tape saturation adds warmth and glues elements together through gentle compression and high-frequency softening.

The Power of Subtlety

Here's where things get interesting: you don't need to hear distortion for it to dramatically improve your mix.

When used subtly—often to the point of being nearly imperceptible—overdrive and saturation serve several critical functions:

1. Harmonic Enhancement Adding just 1-2% of harmonic distortion can make a track “pop” without sounding obviously distorted. These additional harmonics help instruments occupy more frequency space, making them fuller and more present. A vocal with gentle saturation cuts through a dense mix more easily because it contains more harmonic information for our ears to latch onto.

2. Perceived Loudness Saturation creates the illusion of increased volume without actually raising peak levels. By adding harmonics and gently compressing transients, material sounds louder and more forward even at the same measured level. This is why analog recordings often feel “bigger” than overly clean digital ones.

3. Glue and Cohesion Passing multiple tracks through the same type of subtle saturation—like a mix bus running through a tape emulation—creates harmonic relationships between elements. This “glues” the mix together, making disparate recordings sound like they were captured in the same space with the same equipment.

4. Taming Harshness Counterintuitively, distortion can make something smoother. By clipping extreme peaks and adding warmth, saturation can tame shrill cymbals, harsh vocals, or brittle digital recordings. The key is using soft clipping that rounds off peaks rather than hard clipping that creates more aggression.

5. Analog Color Digital recordings can sound sterile or “flat” without the subtle nonlinearities present in analog equipment. Adding gentle saturation at multiple stages mimics the cumulative effect of signal passing through consoles, preamps, tape machines, and more—the “mojo” that characterizes classic recordings.

Practical Applications

Vocals: A touch of tube saturation can add body and presence, helping vocals sit perfectly in the mix without excessive EQ or compression. Many engineers apply 10-20% saturation, barely audible in solo but transformative in context.

Drums: Gentle tape saturation on a drum bus adds punch and cohesion, making individual hits feel like parts of a unified kit rather than separate samples.

Bass: Slight overdrive in the upper harmonics helps bass translate to small speakers by adding audible overtones while keeping the fundamental intact.

Mix Bus: Perhaps the most important application—light saturation on the stereo bus (1-3dB of gain reduction) adds dimension and commercial polish. This mimics the cumulative effect of mixing through an analog console.

Parallel Processing: Heavily distorting a copy of a signal and blending it under the clean version allows you to add aggression and harmonics while maintaining clarity—common with drums and bass.

The Philosophy of “Just Enough”

The mastery of distortion in production lies in restraint. The goal isn't to hear the effect but to feel its absence when it's removed.

Professional engineers often use saturation on nearly every channel in microscopic amounts—3-5% here, a barely-driven plugin there. Individually, these might be inaudible, but collectively they transform a mix from flat and digital to warm and three-dimensional.

This is audio production as sculpture: knowing what to add, what to subtract, and when to leave well enough alone. Subtle distortion isn't about making things dirty—it's about making them alive.

Overdrive and distortion represent one of the most powerful tools in the modern producer's arsenal, not despite their ability to degrade a signal, but because of it. In an era where digital recordings can achieve technical perfection, the strategic introduction of controlled imperfection has become essential for creating music that feels organic, powerful, and emotionally resonant.

The next time you hear a record that sounds inexplicably “good”—warm, punchy, and present—there's a strong chance you're hearing the cumulative effect of subtle saturation at work throughout the production chain. It's not magic, but it might as well be.

It’s so strange how I never write anything anymore. I feel like I’ve really cheapened this entire “project”, but to be honest, I have had an outlet in E since meeting her. I have my social needs met, and I have someone I can talk more than enough to. I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to have the urge to journal when I have that person there who wants to listen.