Hoje é 13 então, fazzzzzzz ooooo LLLLLLLLLLLLL.

Meu amor, hoje tive a certeza que você já esta em mim quando acordo.

Não no celular, não nas notificações, não no Youtube onde insisto em te ouvir cantar todo santo dia, mas em mim.

Você é o primeiro pensamento que me atravessa quando acordo, e o ultimo que me abandona quando vou dormir.

Pensar em você já se tornou tão natural quanto respirar, e acho que de muitas formas, tão essencial também.

É estranho como você virou pensamento fixo, trilha de fundo dos meus dias, sinto a vontade constante de dividir qualquer coisa com você, literalmente qualquer coisa.

Hoje foi um dia puxado pra você, e você não sabe o quanto eu desejava poder te ter agora a noite, te aninhar no meu peito, te fazer um carinho e te dar uma massagem.

Sinto uma necessidade gigantesca de te cuidar, talvez por te amar, talvez por entender que você é a coisa mais preciosa que eu tenho.

Você falou brincando sobre autoestima hoje (pelo menos espero que tenha sido brincando), mas Manuela, se você soubesse o quão importante é pra mim, se soubesse o quanto eu me rebelaria contra o mundo por você, o quão bom é simplesmente existir sabendo que você também existe, o quão bom é ouvir sua voz, rir o seu sorriso, ver o brilho dos teus olhos, ou simplesmente te admirar assim de longe, talvez assim você entenderia por que eu continuo escrevendo.

Você é meu mundo todo, eu poderia perder tudo e tendo você não teria perdido nada.

E poderia ter tudo, e perdendo você não teria nada.

Você é a pessoa mais importante que já entrou na minha vida

E a única que eu faço questão que nunca vá embora.

Eu te amo.

Do garoto que não passa um minuto sem pensar em você,

Nathan.

I'm a Woz, not a Jobs. I write this in reference to the personalities of Steve Wozniak and Steve Jobs, the founders of Apple, although I would never claim to be as intelligent or as effective as either of them. Although I do have a strong product mindset and deep interests in usability and user experience, at the end of the day, like Wozniak, I want to be a good programmer, not a good businessman. I want to learn, not earn.

Some people are motivated by money, and that's completely reasonable. It pays the bills! It's just not who I am. It's not who I've ever been. Money, metrics, status: I care about those things like penguins care about Pilates. I'd rather watch paint dry.

Don't get me wrong. I can be deeply motivated under the right circumstances. You can hardly pull me away from the computer when I'm learning, iterating, honing my craft, and producing something I'm proud of. That's where I find flow. “Faster, faster, faster, more, more, more!” just because that’s what your boss wants? No, that doesn't work on me.

I'm amazed that style of management works on anyone, to be honest, but it must. I suppose some people who are motivated by promotions and prestige can clench their teeth and bear it. Maybe they even enjoy the challenge. Me? I don't see the point. Life is short, and nobody spends their final moments reminiscing about their corner office or their fancy car. Let's be honest, those things lost their luster after one week.

I regret not being more clear about this aspect of my personality in the past. Moving forward, I want to embrace who I am. If others don't like it, that's fine, but they're probably not the right person for me, and I'm probably not the right person for them.

#Favorites #Life #Maxims #SoftwareDevelopment #Tech

In Summary: * Listening now to streaming music popular (I guess) with the college-age crowd on B97 – The Home for IU Women's Basketball, while waiting for pregame coverage for tonight's game to kick in. This game is the last scheduled road game in the regular season for the Hoosiers, and is the last item on my agenda for this Wednesday. After it ends I'll finish my night prayers then shove my old self into bed.

Prayers, etc.: * I have a daily prayer regimen I try to follow throughout the day from early morning, as soon as I roll out of bed, until head hits pillow at night. Details of that regimen are linked to my link tree, which is linked to my profile page here.

Starting Ash Wednesday, 2026, I've added this daily prayer as part of the Prayer Crusade Preceding the 2026 SSPX Episcopal Consecrations.

Health Metrics: * bw= 226.64 lbs. * bp= 146/86 (66)

Exercise: * morning stretches, balance exercises, kegel pelvic floor exercises, half squats, calf raises, wall push-ups

Diet: * 06:15 – 1 peanut butter sandwich * 07:35 – cheese and saltine crackers * 10:15 – garden salad * 12:00 – fried chicken, cole slaw, mashed potatoes

Activities, Chores, etc.: * 04:00 – listen to local news talk radio * 05:00 – bank accounts activity monitored * 05:40 – read, pray, follow news reports from various sources, surf the socials, and nap * 10:40 – prayerfully listening to the full Pre-1955 Mass Propers for this Ember Wednesday in Lent. February 25, 2026. * 12:00 to 13:00 – watch old game shows and eat dinner at home with Sylvia * 13:15 – listen to relaxing music and nap * 17:00 – tuned into B97 – The Home for IU Women's Basketball well ahead of tonight's basketball game, pregame show, etc.

Chess: * 13:55 – moved in all pending CC games

Hey future me, This is two days after the break up Anshuman. Let me get this out of the way first. This is going to come In waves and that was just how life works. But overall it will get better. She is a different person and a fully formed individual, the same way that you are. And what that means is there are ways that our own internal issues will come out and hurt, not just ourselves but often people around us. But the good news is there are so many lessons to be learned from something like this.

One thing I realized was I worried about how I’ve only had three relationships and all of them have felt unhealthy. I know that it’s something where if someone says that all of their exes have been crazy then there is one common factor, and I guess that that’s what my fear is, if I am the common factor. And ultimately if I am the one that is the problem. But I think I’ve realized that the problem that I have is selecting people, and more specifically moving too fast and not filtering people out. I think because of the feeling that I am behind in life socially, and the difficulties with dating, I move too fast and before I even get to read a person I sink my teeth in and hold on, and then the loyalty to a fault becomes a problem. I will continue to hold myself into a relationship that should not have happened in the first place, and I am swept up by fantasy and hope for how things could go. But in reality that is not the case. What is correct is to take more time and get to know someone a little bit better before you decide that this is someone you want to commit in a relationship with. Something I have had to learn in this instance is how easy it is to get swept up with feelings of love and intimacy, and how really intense good feelings can mask our judgment. There was a really good TED talk on how to avoid situations like that, and the solution was to listen to your friends and family on their reads of the person. Assuming that your friends are good judges of character, they can give a much clearer perspective on potential partners, because they are not blinded by love were the same chemicals that you face. You deserve to have our relationship that is good and healthy and desirable not just when the chemicals are flooding through your brain, no matter how good that feels.

Ultimately if you are content being single, and if you are in no rush to get into a relationship, then you are able to selectively choose rather than feeling pressured to take whatever is available. If you were selling a luxury car that was super valuable, and the only people that are willing to buy it would only pay a fraction of the price, does that mean that you should sell it? Or should you wait until an appropriate buyer comes along. You are an incredible person in a lot of different ways, and you are absolutely a wonderful partner for the kind of people that you are looking for. You are kind, you are successful, you are attractive, you are intelligent, you are funny, you are considerate, you are compassionate, and the list goes on. Have a little bit of faith that things will work out. Look at how incredibly strong you have been, and how much you have changed in such a short amount of time. This is only my third break up, and even with it being so incredibly traumatic I am doing the right things. I am not trying away from uncomfortable but necessary discomfort, I am pushing myself to interact with friends and stay engaged, and I am really proud to say that I can come out of this relationship with my head held high. I set a boundary and I respected that, and even though there were plenty of things done to me that are unfair and shitty, I did not retaliate, I was not petty, I did not do anything to try to hurt or upset her or anyone involved. I am so fucking proud of you for the person that you’ve become. Sooner than you could imagine you will feel so much better. Don’t throw away the good memories, and also don’t throw away the bad memories. Understand and acknowledge your own feelings and recognize what things you’ve learned about what you want in a partner and what things you’ve learned you don’t want. There is a pain that comes to growing and you are going to pay that pain no matter what if you want that growth, and this growth is absolutely necessary. But you can handle it. You are the most incredible person I know. I love you.

Work was chill so far. The evening was more notable — did a chill run, had a long call with my partner, and tried out the local Mexican stand.

Our Father Who art in heaven Hallowed be Thy name Thy Kingdom come Thy will be done on Earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily Bread And forgive us our trespasses As we forgive those who trespass against us And lead us not into temptation But deliver us from evil

Amen

Jesus is Lord! Come Lord Jesus!

Come Lord Jesus! Christ is Lord!

Artemis II (pt. III)

The lucky way out For this fortune of air Exploring the symphony- of noise In thoughts to care in time Special about In six shiny windows The Mercury of days As the messenger Rod to reunion If preterm but at speed High-altitude poem For crews to enjoy- And at most- remembering her Our ship of plans Linking our phone To the day of ideas More than mercy The victory sings Of payloads of fortune And just enough energy- to return And researched to the skies A thing about wear To spot on the payout In electrical force And everything works- just enough Staying the course Of rockets the same And this- Our day beyond In a course of will And three repeats of the tour Sincerely that star That victory eye For thoughts of made whole In stunningly deep For the Moon- and back.

#002291 – 06 de Setembro de 2025

O Zizek a colocar uma balaclava, no final da conversa com a Nadya Tolokonnikova. O gato que me veio cumprimentar a meio da minha caminhada. Os dias às vezes só precisam destes pequenos prazeres, para resgatar alguma luz. .

Indiana at Rutgers

My basketball game before bedtime tonight will find me following the Indiana University Women's Basketball Team as they travel to their final road game of the regular season. They'll be playing the Rutgers Scarlet Knights in New Brunswick, New Jersey at Jersey Mike's Arena. The game has a scheduled start time of 6:00 PM CST and fits nicely into my routine.

I'll be listening to the pregame show then the radio call of the game streaming from B97 – The Home for IU Women's Basketball.

And the adventure continues.

Cory Doctorow recently caused a stir on the nerdy corners of the internet where I hang out by writing an essay saying he uses AI to proofread his blog and, what’s more, you are a chump if you decide not to buy literally anything. I mean, that’s my interpretation, but he gives multiple examples of how every form of tech is tainted by its association with someone horrible, and his conclusion seems to be that one therefore should be indiscriminate in what one uses and purchases.

Now, I do not worship Cory Doctorow as many folks do—I think he’s a gifted nonfiction writer who, like most of these guys who run their own platform, desperately needs an editor.

But he’s a smart, insightful guy who, like most internet celebrities, is a little high on his own supply and therefore annoying, but I read him semi-regularly for his smarts and insights.

And I get where he’s coming from here—he’s repeatedly asserted that you can’t shop your way to social change, and that, furthermore, that placing all the onus on social change on individual consumers is a strategy to prevent mass movements that might actually cause real change.

So far so good. And, yes, there is, famously, no ethical consumption under capitalism, but people seem to see this and respond with “so, therefore, you shouldn’t even try,” which is how I’m reading Doctorow’s protest-too-much defense of his AI use.

I disagree with this on both a moral and political basis. We cannot, after all, perfect ourselves as human beings—we will always slip up and harm people we care about and/or do things that don’t align with our values. But I think most of us agree that we have a responsibility to keep trying, while knowing that we will never reach the goal.

And, also, while shopping (or, more accurately, refusing to shop) alone cannot bring about social change, it remains an important tool in our arsenal. For many of us our purchasing power is the most meaningful power we have. If you live in a gerrymandered “red” state, you can’t vote your way out of fascism. If you, like me, live in a “blue” state controlled by the Democratic party, you effectively get a choice in every election between people who believe we should be grateful serfs of the Epstein Class, and the collection of religious fanatics, grifters, and pedophiles that calls itself the Republican Party. Voting alone will not bring about the change I want, but I still do it. Trying to make my purchases align with my values also won’t bring about the change I want, but I’m damn sure not going to renounce the only power I have that the ruling class cares about.

Here’s what I have found about trying to reach the impossible goal of having my economic life reflect my values—every time I do it, usually by NOT buying something rather than by buying something—it makes me feel good. I’m not saying you, like me, should renounce corporate social media (though for God’s sake get off of X, what the hell are you doing on a literal Nazi site), or eating meat, or any of the things I’ve done to try to feel like somewhat less of a hypocrite. But I am suggesting that you’d be foolish to not even try to align your economic life with your ostensible values.

I don’t care if Cory Doctorow uses AI to proofread his blog. Proofreading is one of the rare tasks that AI actually excels at, which makes sense since it was trained on the purloined output of hundreds of millions of writers. And look, nobody likes a scold. The fact is that people who are trying very hard to live their values will still fall short (I have an Amazon Prime subscription and shop at Whole Foods all the freakin’ time) because we all fall short, and the fact that other people aren’t doing the same things as you doesn’t mean they’re bad people or that they’re doing nothing at all.

You’ve got a lot of tools available to make the world a better place. I urge you not to throw any of them away.

The same God who guides the stars in their courses, who directs the earth in its orbit, who feeds the burning furnace of the sun, and keeps the stars perpetually burning with their fires—the same God has promised to supply thy strength. While he is able to do all these things, think not that he shall be unable to fulfill his own promise!”

— Charles Spurgeon

#life #quotes #theology