from Kelly Kintner - Blog

We’re talking mentally ill

In the hospital, in school, at work, at shows, in the military, everywhere, even online, mentor-type personalities have told me, “You’d do better if you weren’t mentally ill.” My answer to that is, “No shit, Sherlock.”

You’d be better at what you are trying to do if you weren’t mentally ill..

Not long ago, a friend online and a mixer I worked with told me, “You’d be a lot better at music without mental health issues.” He was trying to be nice. But engineer-types have a hard time there. It stuck in my craw. I am wrong for that. But he also should not have said it. I doubt I will get as much from him. He doesn’t care. I’m crazy, or whatever.

I have a dream

It’s important to me because I dream about being taken seriously as a person and patient. When tech-types or capitalist-types dismiss me for being nuts, they are the ones actually being nuts. But good luck telling them that.

One of many important timelines

If you can’t see how the world has been propelled forward by the study of psychology and psychiatry (and set back too), allow me to elucidate; here is just one timeline of early institutions and asylums. If folks got out of line, they got put away. What do you think the technician is saying when he says, “if it wasn’t for his mental illness…” He’s saying, “he will never be a serious part of the music scene.” Thanks, tech. I got enough diagnoses. I can do without that one too.

Meanwhile, at the house.

“I’d like it better if it wasn’t so busy,” what I found myself saying to artwork I was attempting. Busy can be good. But I was going for simple. So I wasn’t saying the art was bad, I was stating my preference. That’s okay, with art. People, it’s different. People change, know things they don’t say, don’t know things they do say. They are malleable in a way a work of art is not. People often grow. They can get better or worse since you last saw them. They can learn, they can forget. To write a whole human off because they act weird, especially for their music, is called bias.

When you are hospitalized as a mental patient, it’s easy to experience bias against other patients. No one gets out alive.

I overreacted, sure. However, I am not dealing with a mental health bias today. So, I’ll take the overreacting. As a mental health patient, it is especially painful when I notice my own bias. I try not to do it, but I am a human.

The betrayal of it all.

To be honest, it feels like betrayal as a mental health patient. It never comes from folks I thought of as enemies. Only friends and coworkers show their bias. Maybe they feel safe and let their guard down. What they do is reveal how wrongly I thought they thought of me. I feel like a fool. That hurts my feelings. Conflict ensues. Relationship toast. This cycle here is my social life in a nutshell.

But Keri, she does it perfectly.

Why it works with Keri is respect. I do not get that from the world. Keri wraps me in it. I act dumb around Keri. I even experience dysphoric anger and hypomania. I probably say the dumbest shit. She doesn’t care. She just loves. Keri is the singularly most non-biased person for the mentally ill I have ever met. This includes over ten years of psychiatric treatment. She sees the person under the crazy and talks to that. She’s always completely safe around me. Also, a goddess..

R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

I think this respect is applicable to more than just how we treat the mentally ill. We could do with a refresher course of respect online, in person, and for ourselves. I can look at a work, or listen to a song, or thumb through one of my catalogs and feel proud. I have garnered myself some respect. It doesn’t matter if anyone bought it. I am listening to it now. It works for me. I respect the artist, even if it is me.

Online I basically quit because of this issue. I need a certain amount of respect as a human or it feels like hostile territory. I do not venture into hostile territory for fun. Missions only. Some teenager calls me old fat white boomer or whatever and it bothers me. I can act like it doesn’t, but it still does. If I respect myself that day, I avoid it altogether.

How to respect someone going through a hard time.

When you look eye to eye with someone and it is obvious they are struggling, I’d advise offering assistance or staying clear. Putting their tirades and breakdowns on social media sets the whole human race back. Respect them. Respect yourself. Respect us. People do not earn respect to deserve it. They are people. They get it anyway. Waiting for the world to respect you before you respect the world is futile, verified.

Kelly Kintner

Just a bipolar patient today.

 
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from Roscoe's Quick Notes

Trying to keep my thoughts organized, I'm looking at our big move taking place in three stages: Stage 1 (or S1) began yesterday when we picked up the keys to our double-wide, to our mailbox, and brought the first small load over; Stage 2 (S2) will take place next Saturday when the movers take our furniture out of this small house and move it into the double wide; and Stage 3 (S3) will be settling into the new place, doing what cleanup we can to this old property, and turning the house keys back to the landlord.

Yesterday was S1, D1, or Day 1 of the First Stage, briefly described above. Today, S1, D2, will find us making at least two runs over to the new place, bringing what we can fit into the wife's small car.

And the adventure continues.

 
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from Rippple's Blog

Stay entertained thanks to our Weekly Tracker giving you next week's Anticipated Movies & Shows, Most Watched & Returning Favorites, and Shows Changes & Popular Trailers.

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Hi, I’m Kevin 👋. Product Manager at Trakt and creator of Rippple. If you’d like to support what I'm building, you can download Rippple for Trakt, explore the open source project, or go Trakt VIP.

 
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from An Open Letter

today at the gym, I was doing my deadlifts for first week, and it was programed as an RP five triple. There was a guy next to me that was pretty built, and like the kind of guy that would honestly intimidate me or scare me because I would feel like they would dislike me for being kind of feminine. Like a frat guy almost, but he asked me if I was going for a PR when I loaded up the weight, and I was honestly taking it back because this was an RPE five triple, and it was like 350 pounds. I have become very desensitized to incredibly strong people whether it’s through my Instagram where I get a lot of powerlifting content, or the incredibly strong people that frequent the gym. I forget that if you compare me to an average gym goer or a non-power lifter, I will likely be stronger. Part of me is honestly so surprised that he asked if I was going for a PR, that it feels like it might even be an insult. But he was lifting a little bit under that weight, and he asked me if I competed in any bodybuilding shows when we were talking a little bit. I choose to take this as a compliment.

 
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from AnOublietteofThought

With noodling neck, romancers raze the living. Slipping. Sliding. Seductively slithering. A curve towards the masses. A bend where tongues fork sway. Plate not the bowled defendant. Shout “Spaghetti!” and twist delay.

© 2026 AnOublietteofThought. All rights reserved.

 
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from Attronarch's Athenaeum

Adventurers

Character Race Class Description
Ainsley Human Ranger level 1 An older gentleman with a groomed moustache and a wooden pipe in his mouth, covered in dark green cloak.
Ambros Human Cleric level 7 Follower of Aniu, Lord of Time.
Balarus Human Fighter level 4 An ex-woodsman, quite a crack shot with his bow.
Hedwig Hogwarts Elf Fighter / magic-user An always alert owl masquerading as an elf.
Ivor Human Cleric level 1 A young, soft-spoken worshipper of Umannah with thick black beard.
Tam o' Shanter Human Cleric level 4 A boisterous wine-lover of Losborst on a Great Crusade of the Grape.
Tarkus the Promising Human Cleric level 5 Follower of Bachontoi, God of Red Wisdom.
Thorinda Bung Human Monk level 4 She has blonde hair done up in a tight pony tail and wears light, loose suit.
Volkard Human Ranger level 1 Bushy hobo from the wilderness.
Wilbalt Abendeurer Human Fighter level 3 A burly blonde barbarian; Warmund's younger brother and a better swordsman of the two.

Flowerbloom 17th, Waterday

“Come, touch me some more...” brass door face beckoned Ivor.

But Ivor was busy—busy staying alive!

Balarus, Ainsley, Thorinda Bung, Aurella, Tam, and Ivor had just finished fighting five muscular green brutes. The beasts had no head, eyes instead of nipples, and wide mouth crossing their chest.

Bright light flashed before them, blinding them. Ambros, Wilbalt, and an unknown bushy man appeared in the chamber ahead of them. The trio was flanked by four pits filled with content most foul: excrement, bile, and something yellow.

“Watch out!”

Another headless brute approached from the east.

“Oh no!” Thorinda gulped as she ran around the corner only to illuminate two more. But with her lantern they got a feeling for the whole chamber. It was seventy feet long and sixty feet wide. A total of five potential egresses: three framed stone slabs with a musical note on them, two on the north wall, one on the west wall, and one framed waterfall to the south, east from the corridor they came through. And a dozen of iron-ringed pits filled with dizzying contents.

Three brutes were present in total, two walking towards them between the pits, and one standing in a semi-circular alcove to the far east. The last one held a crossbow.

Adventurers fanned out. Balarus, Volkard, and Ainsley ran to the shit-pits, and shot at the crossbow wielding monster. They noticed it looked slightly different, wearing broad nipple-goggles.

“THROW THEM INTO THE BILE!” the goggly brute yelled. Two other brutes complied and began grappling with their opponents. Thorinda, an experienced martial artist, contorted and dodged the clumsy beast, tripping and stunning it in the process. Drunkard Tam, on the other hand, got manhandled, like he is used to.

The brute lifted Tam like a little child; it carried him as others slashed and smashed it; and it chucked the cleric into a vat full of concentrated bile. Dressed in chainshirt, Tam sank like a rock.

It burned. It burned a lot. And it hurt. It hurt a lot.

“EAT SHIT!” goggly brute yelled and shot back at Balarus. The man was hurt, but the monster was soon put down, looking like a dead porcupine. Ivor the Brave smashed the chest-mouthed beast that chucked Tam. He hit it just bellow the mouth, where a normal man's solar plexus would be, caving its chest in. Thorinda glaived the stunned one through its nipple-eye, exiting through the ribcage.

Wilbalt threw his axe to the side, grabbed a polearm, and ran to the pit containing half dissolved Tam. In panic, and cursed by soberness of pain, Tam attempted to doff his chainmail. But his eyes burned, and his fingers were clumsy. When he felt something hitting him on the head he grabbed on that in desperation.

This was a fine decision, for it was the blunt side of the polearm. Ambros, Ivor, and Ainsley jumped in to help Wilbalt, and dragged the cleric out.

A flash or red light blinded everyone. Tarkus the Promising and Hedwig of Hogwarts materialised in the centre of the chamber.

Victorious but battered, the clerics cast healing spells, while others bound their wounds, counted the dead, and took a breather. They organised into two groups, one led by Bily Tam and another by Ranger Ainsley.

Tam was joined by Wilbalt, Balarus, Thorinda, and Hedwig.

Ivor, Volkard, Ambros, and Tarkus joined Ainsley.

The teams spread out and began investigating the chamber.

There were twelve pits in total, organised into four columns and three rows. All had an elevated iron ring around them. In the first row, from left to right, pits were filled with: a grey and foetid, soupy mix of bone chips and necrotic flesh; a sticky, yellowish-orange liquid that quivers; a pale, slimy, milky-white liquid; and what looked and smelled like stomach acid. In the second row: two pits with liquid excrement with floating chunky bits; a misty, silvery, see-through substance; and another bile pit. Third row, same order: a bile pit that Tam took a dive in; another yellow-orange pit; another bile pit; and one more silvery, wispy pit.

Arrow-filled brute laid dead in what could, at best, be described as some sort of magical circle. Nobody dared stepped into it, so they dragged the corpse out of it instead. They took its goggles and attempted to convince Thorinda to wear them. Alas, she was way too lithe.

Stone slabs looked pretty much like the slabs on the lower level; the ones they had to blow in order for them to open. Yellowish, sticky substance was baked into the floor right in front the north-east slab. Finally, a corridor was visible beyond the framed waterfall.

Tam and his men investigated the yellowed doors. Once at safe distance, Ivor passed the blood-caked, filthy, flute to Ambros. Cleric blew on it. Barbs tore into his lips and tongue, injuring him. No divine words will be spoken coherently for some time.

Slab slid upward, and yellowish fumes billowed out, dissipating in the chamber. Thirty foot corridor led into a circular chamber with four skeletons stirring something in a pit below them. The skeletons wore thick goggles, aprons, and gloves. They used long pitchforks to stir a mass of something.

Tam gang rolled in, while Ainsley crew investigated beyond the waterfall. A wondrous sight, down a corridor leading into a pool of clear water, filled with colourful corals. Natural light shining through two horizontal slits illuminated the whole chamber. An opaque membrane was in each slit, softening and diffusing the sunlight.

“Hold me back, I am going for a swim!” Hedwig was eager.

“No, let's see if there is anything inside first!”

“Good idea. Let's chop up some of those guys!”

And it was indeed a good idea. A swarm of long, slimy, crimson tentacles tore the severed arm to pieces. They retracted to the sides. Serene blue has been violated with frothy red.

Drawing by Anthony.

Balarus shot at the membranes, shattered each like they were glass.

“I still wanna go for a swim!”

“No, come on, let's go.”

Once back into the pit chamber, Ainsley team quickly realised that the stone slab had shut behind Tam's gang. One of the clerics banged on it. Ambros blew Ivor's flute once more, and the doors opened.

Four skeleton-chefs were destroyed; the mass they stirred bas a smouldering, brewing concoction of fungi, large, shrimp-like insects, and some herbs and lichen. Doors to the north east led into another circular chamber. This one was filled with barrels containing highly flammable military oil.

“Let's burn the vats.”

“Let's burn octopus!”

“No, let's burn EVERYTHING!”

“Guys, this place seems very organic. It might collapse.”

“LET'S BURN EVERYTHING!”

Whilst discussing, nearly two dozen giant flying krills invaded the chamber, causing confusion and mayhem. Stone slab shut behind them. Many got stabbed and nibbled upon. Ivor succumbed to his wounds. But ultimately, adventurers prevailed, adding the the unholy paella brewing in the chamber.

Doors were shut. Toxic fumes were filling the chamber. An barrels of oil beckoned some more than others.

Will they fulfil their burning desire?

Or will it be quenched by others?

Only one way to find out.

Meme by Lord Jubalon Flux.

Discuss at Dragonsfoot forum.

#Wilderlands #SessionReport

 
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from G A N Z E E R . T O D A Y

It has been a week of strange, slow-paced sci-fi from the 70s at the Ganzeer cinema this week for some reason:

1. WORLD ON A WIRE (1973)

Second screening for me. The first time I was probably too young and immature to pick up on what it was actually about. This time around, I was actually surprised to discover that it dives into simulation theory, the core premise of the entire film! What with simulation theory kind of being the topic du jour in 2026, the movie is way ahead of its time having been released in 1973! I was always under the impression that it was 1999's THE MATRIX that first introduced the idea in popular culture. The internet tells me that the first “formal” proposition of a computer-based simulation hypothesis was not until Oxford philosopher put it in a 2003 paper titled “Are you living in a computer simulation?”

Though German computer pioneer Konrad Zuse seems to have laid the groundwork in his 1969 book, CALCULATING SPACE, arguing that the entire universe operates like a giant computer, a slight difference to suggesting that we were in fact potentially living inside a giant computer. Philip K. Dick though certainly kicked around very close ideas in a bunch of his stories.

Albeit slow, with stunted and often times laughable performances, WORLD ON A WIRE is still worth the watch (and worth keeping in your library) for the gloriously aesthetic 70s-era ultra-modern interiors alone.

2. SILENT RUNNING (1972)

Based on the premise, I expected to be into this one more than I actually was. The ecological ethos of the film is probably more urgent and relevant now than at the time of release, but the ending is just too much of an unnecessary downer to warrant sitting through the excruciating slowness of the entire movie. Really great production design though.

3. SOLARIS (1972)

Slowness is to be expected with Andrei Tarkovsky at the helm. Not great, but again, great production design, and so different and far more philosophical than Steven Soderbergh's 2002 adaptation, which Sanislaw Lem (author of the original novel upon which both films are based) loathed, surprising of course no one. Lem was known for his scathing essays critical of the standard flare of American sci-fi (and this is in regard to novels let alone movies), often citing formulaic tropes and low-quality trash that lacked any sense of philosophical inquiry (singling Philip K. Dick as a rare exception). I should probably get around to reading more Lem soon.

OneDrive have notified me that autosyncing with my camera app will be discontinued in a couple days, so I am now scrambling to transfer all media from my phone to an external harddrive. Some 20,000 photos and videos that I have to archive in batches of 500 or so, because my newly downloaded Photosync app crashes otherwise. This will probably take me all goddamn day. Going forward though, I should be able to set it to auto-archive (and delete from phone!) on a monthly cycle without any hiccups.

Looking forward to ridding myself of the various cloud-storage services, just as I have with streaming.

#journal #film

 
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from Blog of Sand

Rise of Reason- Part 5: The Red Detente

The Treaty of the Triridge ended the Granite War but did not produce a stable regional order. For approximately eight years after the treaty, open warfare between the major powers was avoided, yet the period was characterized by continuous diplomatic pressure, territorial ambiguity, military preparation, and competition for influence among populations that remained outside the direct control of the Enclave of Reason, the Granitefist kingdoms, the Red City, or the Scimitar.

The Granitefist truce proved more durable than many contemporary observers expected. The loss of Southvault, Stonewake, and Ironmouth remained a source of resentment, particularly among families displaced from the three fortress districts, but the southern Granitefist kingdoms had suffered heavily during the war and showed little interest in renewing it. Trade recovered more rapidly than political trust. Within two years of the treaty, grain, metal, timber, cloth, tools, and ore were again moving through the designated Triridge corridors in substantial quantities.

The Red City presented a more persistent problem. Although it had acted as guarantor of the peace and had obtained important commercial concessions through negotiation rather than conquest, Red officials interpreted the treaty narrowly and repeatedly tested its limits. Their objective appears to have been less the immediate acquisition of territory than the prevention of further Enclave expansion and the gradual extension of Red influence into the political and economic spaces between established borders.

The Red City's Pressure on the Triridge Settlement

The Treaty of the Triridge prohibited permanent Red military occupation of Granitefist fortresses, but it contained no comprehensive restrictions on private guards, commercial settlements, loans, or temporary military contractors. Red merchants consequently began establishing increasingly large fortified trading compounds near several Granitefist mining centers. Officially these facilities were warehouses protected against banditry. In practice, some contained several hundred armed guards, barracks, food stores, and defensive earthworks substantial enough to support military operations if required.

The distinction became a recurring source of dispute. Granitefist rulers objected when Red merchants began replacing locally hired guards with veterans from Red military units, while Red officials maintained that the treaty restricted state garrisons rather than privately employed personnel. The Enclave generally supported the Granitefist interpretation but had little legal basis for intervention unless Red forces crossed into territory recognized as Enclave-controlled.

Economic pressure proved more effective than direct military presence. Red lenders extended credit to Granitefist mine owners and local rulers whose revenues had been damaged during the war. These loans were frequently secured against future mineral production or preferential access to transport routes. Several smaller Granitefist districts became economically dependent upon Red financing within only a few years, allowing Red merchants to obtain influence that Red armies had repeatedly failed to secure by force.

The Red City also exploited ambiguities in the new trade system. Customs officials placed inspection stations immediately outside treaty-protected corridors and imposed fees on goods that technically left those corridors before reaching Red markets. Enclave merchants complained of repeated inspections, arbitrary storage charges, quarantine delays, and newly created licensing requirements. None violated the treaty explicitly because the agreement guaranteed access through defined routes rather than unrestricted commercial treatment once goods entered Red-influenced territory.

A similar pattern developed along several rivers. Red authorities imposed navigation fees on barges traveling through waters claimed by towns within their sphere and occasionally required cargo to be unloaded for inspection. Perishable goods could be delayed for days. The practice rarely made trade impossible, but it increased the cost of Enclave commerce and demonstrated the ability of the Red City to interfere with routes without closing them outright.

Red involvement in Granitefist politics was more difficult to document. Enclave intelligence reports from the period describe transfers of coin and equipment to Granitefist factions opposed to the Triridge settlement, particularly groups displaced from the three fortress cities now under Enclave control. Red officials denied sponsoring such organizations, and direct evidence remained limited. Later records nevertheless indicate that several anti-treaty Granitefist leaders traveled regularly through Red territory and purchased weapons using credit issued by Red merchants.

The most controversial incident occurred in the fourth year after Triridge, when a Red commercial consortium constructed a fortified depot at Northhook, less than a day's march from the recognized Enclave boundary around Stonewake. The compound included stone warehouses, a surrounding ditch, elevated firing platforms, and quarters for more than four hundred guards. Enclave diplomats argued that the facility constituted a military fortification disguised as a trading post. The Red City responded that Northhook lay outside Enclave territory, contained no regular Red soldiers, and therefore violated no provision of the treaty.

The dispute was eventually resolved through inspection rather than removal. Granitefist and Enclave observers were permitted to enter the depot, while Red authorities agreed not to station artillery there permanently. The settlement reduced immediate tension but established a precedent for Red commercial installations that could be converted rapidly to military use.

These activities did not break the Triridge peace, but they ensured that the Enclave could not treat its northern frontier as secure. The Red City had demonstrated that it could increase political and military pressure without committing itself to formal violations that might justify war.

The Scimitar Trade Disputes

The more immediate threat developed to the south and southeast.

Enclave merchants had traded intermittently with communities near the Scimitar sphere for years, but commerce increased substantially after the Granite War. Improved roads through the former Forest territories brought Enclave goods to markets that had previously been difficult to reach, while the reputation of Enclave medicines, steel tools, printed material, and agricultural equipment created demand among towns and small kingdoms that paid tribute to the Scimitar or lay immediately beyond its effective control.

The political boundaries of the Scimitar sphere were poorly defined. The Scimitar itself consisted of a mobile core population whose leaders extracted tribute, military assistance, and commercial concessions from numerous settled communities. Some tributary arrangements were permanent, while others depended largely on whether Scimitar cavalry could enforce payment during a particular season. A town might pay tribute for several years, cease after the death of a local commander, and resume when another mounted force appeared.

This flexibility had long served the Scimitar system well, but it created significant difficulties once the Enclave began expanding diplomatic and commercial relationships along its margins.

Scimitar authorities initially treated Enclave merchants in the same manner as other foreign traders. Caravans paid transit tolls at major crossings and market fees in tributary towns. As Enclave commerce increased, however, additional charges appeared. A special levy was placed on manufactured metal goods, followed by fees for armed caravan guards, draft animals, medicine sales, and the use of roads claimed to be under Scimitar protection.

The taxes became progressively more onerous. In several districts, merchants were required to pay once upon entering a tributary territory, again when crossing land controlled by a different Scimitar clan, and a third time upon reaching the market. Scimitar officials justified the system by arguing that each authority independently provided security. Enclave merchants increasingly regarded the practice as organized extraction.

Commercial disputes soon became political. Communities near the margins of the Scimitar sphere compared their own obligations with conditions in neighboring Enclave territory. Enclave-controlled settlements generally paid standardized taxes, received road maintenance and medical services, and had access to schools and courts. Scimitar tributaries often paid irregular levies whose size depended upon local military conditions and received little permanent administration in return.

Petitions for incorporation consequently began arriving from small towns and agricultural districts along the southern frontier.

The Enclave initially responded cautiously. Communities clearly beyond the normal reach of Scimitar tribute were permitted to enter association through agreements resembling those previously used among the Forest People. Schools, surveyors, physicians, and administrative officers followed, while local leaders were retained where possible.

Petitions from settlements with recent or continuing tributary obligations were treated differently. Enclave authorities generally refused formal incorporation while Scimitar claims remained active, fearing that accepting such communities would amount to direct territorial seizure.

The distinction proved difficult to maintain because neither side agreed on where Scimitar authority ended.

The Keshen Ford Incident

The most serious confrontation occurred in the third year after Triridge at Keshen Ford, a major caravan crossing near a cluster of agricultural towns whose political status had long been ambiguous. The towns had paid tribute irregularly to several Scimitar clans but had also maintained independent councils and traded extensively with the Enclave.

A newly appointed Scimitar tax commander announced a revised levy requiring Enclave merchants to surrender approximately one-fifth of the value of imported metal goods in addition to existing transit charges. Enclave merchants refused, arguing that they had already paid the recognized toll farther south.

The dispute escalated when Scimitar officials attempted to confiscate several wagons as security for the unpaid tax. The caravan employed armed guards, including former Enclave soldiers carrying standard firearms and several specialist rifles. Contemporary accounts disagree over whether the first violence began when Scimitar cavalry attempted to seize the wagons or when an Enclave guard fired a warning shot.

The resulting engagement was brief but politically significant. The caravan guards used wagons and a stone river embankment as defensive positions, while the mounted tax force attempted several charges before withdrawing. Enclave records list six merchants or guards killed and eleven wounded. Scimitar losses were substantially higher; later estimates range from twenty-five to more than forty dead, including the tax commander.

The disparity reinforced Scimitar concerns about the spread of Enclave weapons beyond formal military units. The guards at Keshen Ford had not been acting under orders from the Enclave government, but their equipment allowed a commercial caravan to defeat a mounted force that would previously have been capable of confiscating its goods with little resistance.

Scimitar leaders demanded compensation, surrender of several surviving guards, and recognition of Scimitar taxation rights throughout the disputed district. The Enclave refused to surrender its citizens but offered financial compensation for deaths if both sides accepted a negotiated schedule of border tolls.

For several months, the incident appeared likely to produce war. Scimitar cavalry concentrated near tributary settlements along the frontier, while Enclave garrisons reinforced several southern roads. Merchant traffic declined sharply, and communities in the disputed zone began moving food and livestock away from exposed areas.

The crisis ended for reasons unrelated to the border dispute.

The Death of the First Rider

The political structure of the Scimitar depended heavily upon personal alliances among clan leaders, tributary rulers, and the individual who held the position commonly translated by Enclave writers as First Rider. The title did not confer absolute authority, but a successful First Rider could coordinate tribute collection, arbitrate disputes among major clans, and assemble large combined armies.

The First Rider who had presided over the expansion of taxation along the Enclave frontier died unexpectedly during the Keshen Ford crisis. Contemporary accounts disagree over the cause. Some describe a sudden fever following a hunting expedition, while later rumors alleged poisoning by political rivals. No reliable evidence supports the latter claim.

His death exposed unresolved questions of succession. The First Rider's eldest son claimed the position through inheritance, while several senior clan leaders argued that leadership required recognition by the principal riding houses rather than simple descent. A younger brother of the deceased ruler also advanced a claim and possessed substantial support among western clans.

Within months, the Scimitar confederation divided into competing coalitions.

The resulting civil war lasted several years and involved both the core mounted population and numerous tributary communities. Tribute collection weakened rapidly as rival claimants demanded payments from the same towns. Some tributary rulers declared neutrality, while others supported whichever faction appeared strongest locally. Several districts ceased payments entirely.

The fragmentation removed the immediate threat of coordinated war against the Enclave, but it also destabilized the entire southern frontier.

Enclave Expansion During the Scimitar Civil War

Enclave policy during the civil war was officially framed as defensive incorporation rather than territorial conquest. In practice, the collapse of centralized Scimitar authority created the largest opportunity for expansion since the assimilation of the Forest People.

Communities that had previously petitioned to join the Enclave renewed their requests. Many now argued that whatever obligations they had once owed to the Scimitar had ceased when competing clans began demanding duplicate tribute or recruiting soldiers by force.

The Enclave accepted numerous petitions, particularly from settlements immediately adjacent to existing territory. Incorporation agreements typically required recognition of Enclave law, participation in census and taxation systems, acceptance of schools and courts, and provision of land for roads or defensive works. In return, communities received military protection, standardized taxation, access to Enclave markets, medical services, and investment in local infrastructure.

The expansion was conducted rapidly enough to alarm some Enclave officials. Surveyors were often establishing boundaries before complete population records existed, while military engineers followed closely behind civilian administrators. The government had learned from the Granite War that loosely controlled frontier territory could become a major vulnerability during crisis. Newly incorporated communities were therefore connected to the existing road network and provided with defensible administrative centers as quickly as resources permitted.

Several settlements were fortified during the civil war. These works differed substantially from the high stone walls common in older Merdunian towns. Enclave military engineering had been shaped by artillery, and new frontier defenses generally relied on lower earth-backed ramparts, ditches, angled firing positions, reinforced gates, and protected powder magazines. Stone remained useful for internal structures and revetments, but thick earthworks absorbed cannon fire more effectively and could be repaired more rapidly.

Scimitar factions protested repeatedly against these incorporations. Each claimant to the First Rider's position insisted that the disputed communities remained tributaries of the confederation regardless of temporary political disruption. The Enclave responded that it had accepted only communities whose local governments had requested protection and in which no effective Scimitar administration remained.

Neither interpretation was neutral. The Enclave was incorporating territory during a neighbor's civil war, while Scimitar leaders were claiming authority over communities they could no longer reliably govern. The dispute remained unresolved when the civil war ended.

Consolidation of the Expanded Enclave

The same eight-year period saw a transformation of Enclave-controlled territory internally. Earlier expansion had proceeded faster than infrastructure could be constructed, leaving major differences between the original Vale, the former Forest regions, the captured Granitefist fortress districts, and the newly incorporated southern settlements.

The government consequently devoted large portions of tax revenue and labor to physical integration.

Road construction received the highest priority. The narrow trails that had connected Forest communities were inadequate for regular movement of grain wagons, artillery, officials, and commercial traffic. Enclave engineers established a hierarchy of principal roads, secondary routes, and local paths. Major roads were widened sufficiently for two wagons to pass, graded where terrain permitted, and surfaced with compacted gravel or broken stone. Drainage ditches were constructed along both sides, while culverts carried seasonal streams beneath the roadway.

Road maintenance was organized through regional districts rather than left entirely to individual villages. Local communities supplied labor or taxes, while trained engineers determined grades, bridge locations, and drainage requirements. Mile markers, directional stones, and standardized waystations appeared along heavily traveled routes.

Bridges became a major engineering concern. Small streams were crossed with timber spans that could be repaired using local materials, while larger rivers increasingly received stone piers supporting timber decks. Critical military routes used redundant crossings so that the destruction of a single bridge could not isolate an entire district. Several bridges near frontier regions were designed with removable central sections that could be dismantled if invasion threatened.

Travel times fell substantially. Routes that had once required several days through forest tracks could be crossed by wagon in a fraction of that time, allowing agricultural surpluses to reach markets before spoilage and permitting military forces to move rapidly between districts.

The road network also supported a regular postal and administrative service. Relay stations maintained horses for official couriers, and printed government orders could be distributed across Enclave territory within days rather than weeks. Census returns, tax records, medical reports, and agricultural statistics flowed in the opposite direction.

Water and Sanitation

Water infrastructure was expanded wherever local geography permitted. The pressurized and gravity-fed systems developed in the Vale could not simply be reproduced everywhere because many settlements lacked high reservoirs or suitable springs. Engineers therefore adapted systems to local conditions.

In hill country, springs were captured in stone chambers and conveyed through ceramic or wooden pipes to covered cisterns. Settlements below reliable streams sometimes used diversion channels and settling basins before water entered distribution systems. Larger towns constructed elevated storage tanks where pumps or water wheels could provide sufficient pressure.

Public fountains and communal taps were more common than direct household connections. Hospitals, military posts, bathhouses, markets, and workshops received priority. Wastewater was directed into open or covered drains that carried it away from drinking sources, and regulations increasingly prohibited animal pens, slaughtering, and waste pits near public wells.

Aqueduct construction occurred primarily where a dependable source could serve a large population. These works were generally less monumental than the great stone aqueducts imagined in later artistic depictions. Most consisted of graded channels, covered conduits, short bridge sections, and pressurized pipes used only where terrain required them.

Public health administrators also introduced routine inspection of wells, markets, slaughterhouses, and communal lodging houses. The Enclave still lacked a correct theoretical explanation for infectious disease, but centuries of records had established strong associations between contaminated water, crowding, poor waste disposal, and outbreaks of illness.

Schools, Printing, and Administrative Integration

Education remained central to the Enclave's method of consolidation. Primary schools were established in most substantial settlements and increasingly in rural districts. Printing made expansion possible on a scale unavailable to neighboring states. Standard readers, arithmetic texts, religious instruction, agricultural manuals, sanitation guides, and introductory legal codes could be produced in large quantities and distributed throughout newly incorporated territories.

The curriculum served both practical and political purposes. Children were taught reading, writing, arithmetic, measurement, basic natural philosophy, hygiene, and the principles of Providential religion. Instruction increasingly occurred in the Enclave language even where local languages remained dominant in the home.

Teacher shortages represented the principal constraint. The government responded by establishing regional teacher colleges that provided relatively short standardized training for literate adults. Graduates were not scholars of the type educated in the older institutions of the Vale, but they could provide competent elementary instruction and identify talented students for further education.

Advanced schools were concentrated in larger towns. These institutions trained surveyors, clerks, physicians' assistants, engineers, military officers, and administrators. Local students were actively recruited because the Enclave could not govern its expanding population using personnel descended solely from the original inhabitants of the Vale.

Printing also transformed administration. Tax schedules, court procedures, property forms, public-health instructions, and military regulations were standardized across territories that had previously followed unrelated customs. Local law was not eliminated entirely, but practices considered compatible with Enclave principles were increasingly written down and incorporated into regional codes.

Census-taking became more systematic. Officials recorded households, occupations, livestock, cultivated acreage, mills, workshops, and available military-age population. These records served taxation and conscription but were equally important for infrastructure planning. Road construction, grain storage, school placement, and medical staffing were increasingly based upon population data rather than local petitions alone.

Hospitals and Medical Institutions

Medical infrastructure expanded beyond the individual physicians and small treatment houses used during the early Forest period. Larger towns received permanent infirmaries or hospitals, generally located near clean water but away from the most crowded markets.

These institutions remained simple by later standards. They could not cure many serious diseases and possessed no understanding of antibiotics or modern surgery. Their advantage lay in organization. Patients with different illnesses were separated where practical, bedding was washed regularly, instruments were cleaned, wounds were irrigated, and records were kept of treatments and outcomes.

Hospitals also served as training centers. Physicians taught assistants who could perform basic wound care, childbirth support, splinting, sanitation inspection, and preparation of standardized medicines. This allowed medical services to spread more rapidly than if every settlement had required a fully trained physician.

Midwifery became increasingly formalized during the period. Experienced local midwives were offered training in sanitation, management of difficult deliveries, and recognition of conditions requiring surgical intervention. Maternal and infant mortality remained high by later standards but declined substantially in districts with sustained medical coverage.

The government also established emergency grain and medical stores in regional centers. These were intended to prevent localized crop failures, epidemics, or wartime displacement from producing the type of crisis that had nearly destroyed the original Vale during the Sequester.

Agriculture and Economic Integration

Agricultural development accompanied infrastructure expansion. Enclave agronomists did not impose a single farming system across all territories because soils, rainfall, and traditional crops varied widely. Instead, experimental plots were established to determine which combinations of crops, rotations, drainage, and fertilizers produced the most reliable yields locally.

Iron and steel plows became common in heavier soils. Drainage ditches expanded cultivable land in wet districts, while small irrigation canals increased reliability in drier regions. Seed grain was selected systematically, and regional storehouses maintained reserves to prevent farmers from consuming seed during poor harvests.

Water mills expanded rapidly along suitable streams. Grain milling, sawing, textile processing, and some forms of metalworking were increasingly concentrated around water-powered facilities. These remained far from industrial factories, but they reduced the amount of human labor required for routine production.

Standardized weights and measures lowered transaction costs in markets. Enclave coinage circulated more widely, although barter and local currencies persisted in recently incorporated areas. Permanent market halls and warehouses were constructed at major road junctions, and grain prices were recorded to allow authorities to identify shortages before famine conditions developed.

These changes contributed to continued immigration. The Enclave increasingly attracted people who had not been incorporated through deliberate policy. Refugees from Scimitar fighting, craftsmen from smaller states, merchants seeking secure roads, and farmers escaping unstable local rulers settled within Enclave territory. The government generally accepted such migrants after registration and, where necessary, a period of local sponsorship.

The Eastern Water Route

The expansion of trade also revived interest in direct contact with the Reeds. Their wetlands remained the most distant of the major regional societies known to the Enclave, and meaningful contact had been limited by geography. The principal overland routes passed through territories dominated or heavily patrolled by either the Red City or the Scimitar, making regular diplomatic or commercial travel dependent upon the cooperation of powers increasingly suspicious of Enclave activity.

The government therefore began investigating river and wetland routes eastward.

The first vessels were commercial rather than military. Broad-bottomed barges transported grain and heavy goods along navigable rivers, while smaller shallow-draft boats explored tributaries and identified portage routes between watersheds. Surveyors mapped currents, seasonal flooding, sandbars, and locations suitable for depots.

As political interference increased, the Enclave created a formal River Service responsible for protecting merchants and maintaining navigation. Its vessels used sails where wind and river width allowed, but oars, poles, and towpaths remained essential in narrow or slow-moving water. Larger patrol boats mounted light cannon or swivel guns, while smaller craft carried armed crews equipped with firearms.

The force was not a navy in the later oceanic sense. Its initial purpose was river security, reconnaissance, transport, and escort. Nevertheless, it represented the beginning of a permanent Enclave naval establishment.

Fortified river depots were constructed at major junctions. These contained warehouses, repair facilities, food stores, docks, and small garrisons. Some rivers required dredging or the removal of obstructions, while short canals and improved portage roads linked navigable sections separated by difficult terrain.

The first successful official mission to Reed territory arrived during the seventh year of the postwar peace. The expedition was modest and carried physicians, merchants, interpreters, printed material, metal tools, and diplomatic gifts. Its reports confirmed earlier estimates that Reed settlement was far more extensive than outsiders generally appreciated. The mission did not immediately produce political alignment, but it established the first regular direct contact between the Enclave and communities that had previously been known primarily through intermediaries.

Intelligence and Defensive Preparation

By the later years of the détente, Enclave leaders increasingly doubted that the surrounding powers would allow further expansion without coordinated resistance.

Intelligence came from numerous sources. Merchants reported military purchases and unusual customs restrictions. Granitefist officials sympathetic to the Triridge settlement provided information concerning Red activity in the northern mountains. Travelers from the Scimitar territories reported the consolidation of rival clans under a new leadership following years of civil war. Enclave diplomatic missions collected information about troop movements, grain purchases, horse markets, and the recruitment of mercenary companies.

Individually, most reports could be explained as ordinary military preparation. Taken together, they suggested that both the Red City and the emerging Scimitar leadership were reconsidering the balance created after the Granite War.

The Enclave responded with a concealed defensive program intended to strengthen vulnerable areas without creating the appearance of general mobilization.

Frontier guard towers were reinforced internally and provided with protected ammunition chambers. Some towers that appeared to contain only observation platforms were modified to accommodate light cannon behind removable wooden screens or shuttered openings. Similar weapons were concealed in warehouses, customs houses, and fortified road stations near likely invasion routes.

Heavier artillery was stored in regional depots rather than permanently displayed on walls. Engineers surveyed firing positions in advance and constructed roads capable of carrying guns to them rapidly. In several districts, apparently ordinary agricultural embankments were reinforced so they could serve as artillery platforms if required.

Powder magazines were dispersed to reduce the risk that a single raid could destroy regional ammunition reserves. Food stocks were expanded in major towns, while mills and granaries near exposed borders received additional guards.

Road construction increasingly reflected military requirements. Bridges along probable invasion routes were prepared for rapid demolition or removal, while alternative crossings were improved behind the frontier. Signal stations were established on elevated ground, using flags, smoke, lamps, or controlled fires to transmit warnings between districts.

Local militia training also increased. The Enclave did not attempt to arm every civilian with its most advanced weapons, but communities received standardized drill, emergency mobilization procedures, and designated assembly points. Older smoothbore firearms removed from regular army service were distributed to some frontier units.

These measures were deliberately understated. Enclave leaders feared that visible fortification might itself accelerate the coalition they were attempting to avoid. The defensive program therefore relied heavily on infrastructure that could serve civilian purposes during peace and military purposes during war.

The End of the Détente

By the eighth year after the Treaty of the Triridge, the political conditions that had sustained the peace were deteriorating simultaneously on several fronts.

The Granitefist governments that had signed the treaty remained formally committed to it, but anti-Enclave factions had become more active, particularly among displaced families and former elites from Southvault, Stonewake, and Ironmouth. Some of these groups maintained increasingly close connections with Red merchants and officials.

The Red City had expanded its commercial and intelligence presence throughout the northern region and had demonstrated that it could move men and supplies close to Enclave territory without formally violating the treaty. Reports of additional mercenary recruitment and grain accumulation suggested preparations exceeding the requirements of ordinary border security.

To the south, the Scimitar civil war was drawing to a close. A new leader had succeeded in securing the support of enough major riding clans to restore a degree of central authority. From his perspective, the Enclave had used the years of Scimitar weakness to absorb tributary communities, fortify disputed territory, and permanently alter the southern political boundary.

Enclave intelligence increasingly treated northern and southern threats as related rather than independent. There was little direct evidence of a formal Red-Scimitar alliance, and the two powers had few natural reasons for close cooperation. They did, however, share an interest in preventing continued Enclave expansion and could benefit from forcing the Enclave to divide its military resources between distant fronts.

Late in the eighth year, reports from both borders changed in character. Red-aligned forces began concentrating closer to the northern passes, accompanied by Granitefist groups openly rejecting portions of the Triridge settlement. At approximately the same time, Scimitar cavalry units that had spent several years fighting among themselves began moving toward the fortified settlements incorporated by the Enclave during the civil war.

The eight-year peace had allowed the Enclave to integrate much of its expanded territory, construct an administrative and transportation network, and develop the beginnings of a river navy. It had also given its rivals time to observe how rapidly that system could convert loosely organized populations into productive and defensible provinces. By the end of the period, the principal question facing the surrounding powers was no longer whether Enclave expansion would continue if unopposed, but whether it could still be contained before the disparity in organization and technology became permanent.

The military movements reported during the final months of the détente suggested that at least some of them had reached the conclusion that it could not.

 
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from The disconnect blog

If you want to dig a little further into this subject I recommend reading the post written a while back on the subject of the USA civil war here. The book reviewed there is worth reading for a very different narrative. The book I’m reading now is much more comprehensive covering a lot more ground, and both are great.

I’m reading the book “Battle Cry of Freedom” by James M. McPherson. It’s a pretty long book and rich in content so it warrants multiple posts. I’ll likely do two to four posts on this book, maybe more. I want to start off saying that it is a very well written book. If you like history or want to learn more of the details on the civil war it’s a great one to read. Even though it is a lengthy book it flows well – at least so far from what I have read. The civil war that the USA went through is very important, more important than I think many give it credit for. It didn’t just shape the United States, I think it is shaping the world. This is primarily because the USA became the world “superpower” or the empire that began shaping the world. I think the world shaping happened primarily after WWII, but it started through ideas before that and it started by force after that.

I just want to lay out in the beginning here that I disagree with quite a bit of this author’s narrative. I don’t disagree with many aspects of this, it’s loaded with great quotes and information. It’s well worth the read even if I’m in disagreement. The disagreement I have is a bit more subtle than many may pick up on – and that is okay, it is still worth reading. Ideologies and narratives shape the human mind. They are extremely powerful strongholds, or protective layers, that shield one’s mind from thinking of alternative points of view. We are in an artificial prison containing our minds into a very narrow view of reality. I don’t exclude myself in this condition. I’d like to dig my way out, but as I do am I just surrounding my mind with new false constructs?

Since I’ve really started thinking outside the box of official or basic left/right paradigm mindsets I started having some problems with Abraham Lincoln and the civil war. The freeing of the slaves as a result is great, but what else happened? We always hear about the slavery narrative because that’s really difficult to disagree with. I’d say only extremely racist and somewhat insane people would be against Lincoln and the civil war because of the liberation of slaves in the USA. I came to a point that it seemed there was much more going on behind the narrative and it seemed terrible. But I couldn’t put my finger on it for many years. So as I tried to express the ideas I had and it didn’t resonate with people that I’d bring it up with, and it may not still but I hope you’ll continue thinking about it. The first thing I could point at as a problem with the USA civil war was that it set the precedent that the union was no longer voluntary. To me this dissolved the beauty of the union, what is freedom if it isn’t a voluntary association?

The beginning of the book I found fairly boring, but I find many books to be the same so I don’t hold it against it. If you are like me it takes a little while to get into the rhythm and style of the writer then just give it a little time. Something interesting mentioned in the beginning of the book is that the civil war is the most written about event in American history. Another pretty amazing fact is that they lost more lives during that war than all of the wars up to this point combined. It was a very bloody and dramatic event in American history.

I found chapter 3 section II very interesting and revealing. Some may find it a boring area of the book because it digs into economy and statistics. But to me those are important and if done well can reveal a lot on a subject. The author is primarily focusing on the pre-war 1800’s in this segment. What it shows is that high rates of white people were leaving the south and heading to the north. The north was advancing quickly into the industrial age and becoming major producers. The south was relying on slave labor and not advancing, they were in a rut. Like I mentioned in the post linked at the top of this, I believe that slavery as it was pre-civil war would have died on its own if left to try and compete with the new ways of production. If the south left the union and tried to compete with the north and the rest of the world it would have failed over time. Perhaps it would have lasted another 40 years or so, but it very well may have had a much less bloody and peaceful end – and I believe that would have been great. But that is not what happened. So what did happen? Was the civil war primarily about slavery? That is what this author focuses on and all other official narratives I’ve been taught. To me I believe it was about the federal government versus the state sovereignty. It looks to me like the intent in the establishment of the USA was that the people were the sovereigns, it was an abolishment of kings and lords over people. Next was the state sovereign under the individual sovereign. And last was the federal sovereignty under the state and individual sovereignty. The federal government was established to accomplish the things that the individual or the state could not accomplish very effectively – at least in the minds of the founders. Things like national defense and also international and even national trade systems. The other primary idea the federal government was to focus on was minting gold coins as the standard money. These things make sense.

The declaration of independence set the first primary standard. Then they put together their constitution. This was primarily to set up what the federal government could do, it was also established to limit the power of government, not make it all powerful. Then they added the bill of rights to protect the people and the states from the federal government. It seems to me if the founders of the USA came back and saw what this had become and they could do it over again, they would have drastically limited the federal government – maybe never even created it. They would have gone another path, because what they did did not work towards the aims and hopes they started with. At least most of the founders.

So what the federal government has done is taken back the seat of King, or Sovereign over the petty little people and states. In chapter 8 section II the author digs into this idea. Both the incumbent president Buchanan and Lincoln unify on this subject, that the states have no right to secession. That the states were created by the federal government, not the other way around. To me this completely disregards the words from the framers of the constitution and the declaration of independence. So their arguments are invalid. But what this shows to me is that there likely was a puppeteer behind the throne of presidency even at this early stage of the government. Perhaps it was just a desire for concentrated power by those sitting in the throne of presidency. That would mean that that puppeteer was just an ideology, the ideology of concentrated power and authority over all and everything.

All of those who rejected the right to secession ignored the first paragraph of the declaration of independence:

“The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America, When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.”

So close to disunion they got into the nuances of it all and split hairs. Some believed they did not have the right to secession but they had the right to revolution. To me this means that you cannot voluntarily leave, but you can violently leave. Which is a terrible precedent and promotes violent upheaval, not diplomatic and voluntary association. It also sets the stage for whoever is the biggest will likely win. Lincoln was of the mind, like many others at the time, that “The doctrine of secession is anarchy.” But he did not reject the idea that they could revolt. I reject that the doctrine of secession is anarchy. But it is peaceful and creates a more voluntary situation – which is threatening to a central governing body. It isn’t anarchy because the local or state government still exists.

There is a chance that the USA was created as the “New Order of the Ages” or “Novus odo seclorum” and the founders, or at least some of them, did mean it as Lincoln and Buchanan did. That the USA federal government was a supra government to control all its subjects. This precedent set through the civil war crushes the meaning behind the Declaration of Independence in my view. It sets the stage for a New World Order that will be a supra government over the entire world. Either coming from and of the USA, which I have my doubts, or submitted to by the USA which I think more likely. If and when that takes place the precedent is set. If the federal government says so, you have no choice but to obey, or have a revolution. Well, those are pathetic choices.

Even if the intent of the founders was to have an all powerful central force with some checks and balances, or if that became the intent after their civil war, why not choose a different path forward? The founders of the USA are not my god. They are men, smart men but they are only men. Why not have individual sovereignty top tier, then local, then county, then state, then nation, then world and have this association a voluntary thing? Perhaps it’s only worth breaking that pattern if someone becomes an aggressor on an other. You and I are an other, I don’t want us to be aggressed upon. The south was breaking that pattern, they were enslaving people and breaking the first level of individual sovereignty. But it has never been presented to me in that way. If that is why the civil war happened I would be much more supportive and it would make more sense. Let’s protect that individual sovereignty over that of the state or confederacy trying to enslave a race and it’s people. Instead they used the logic that the federal government was more powerful than the state… I disagree. However I would agree if they were using the standard that individual sovereignty trumps the desire to enslave others which breaks their sovereignty. They just never posed their arguments in such a way. That is likely intentional, they don’t want us to be free – they want to be free to dominate. We are supposed to be inpatients to their insane asylum. And insane we must be if we enjoin ourselves to them and the precedents they have set with the imaginary narratives to lock us into their box. An imaginary prison with imaginary shackles that are getting heavier decade after decade after decade.

This book is long and it’s not winter time so I don’t read a whole lot each week. When I get through more I may add one to three more updates on this book, and then I may combine it all as one final post reviewing this book. Even though I disagree with some of the narrative it is a well done book so far.

Further reading:

Battle Cry of Freedom (Internet archive link)

Declaration of Independence

https://www.archives.gov/founding-docs/declaration-transcript

Constitution of the United States

https://www.archives.gov/founding-docs/constitution-transcript

Bill of Rights

https://www.archives.gov/founding-docs/bill-of-rights-transcript

 
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from 3c0

Audio: A Certain Smile, A Certain Sadness (1995)

I had kind, soft dreams last night. I remembered them, but I didn’t write them down. That’s part of the pattern and the mood of this week. Not being as good with time, and having to manage the consequences of that and also, remembering dreams when I wake up, but not writing them down and so I don’t have as many souvenirs from the dream world this week as I’d like.

Have you tried to do this? Tried to remember a dream, and you can even “see” the vague outlines of the dream, but you can’t really fill them in with any detail? When I close my eyes, there are literal outlines of forms, but if I don’t have a key word in mind, or a phrase from the dream, they remain that way. Very vague outlines. And then, just as easily as they come, even the outlines can disappear. In the past, I have been able to retrieve dreams, but like I’ve said, it requires a tremendous and focused effort.

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Video: Molecular Physicist Visualised The Process of Dying | David Glowacki

This video inspired me to write a poem. I haven’t finished. I feel like I could still polish it, but I love that I’ve been writing poems again.

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Happy Full Moon, wherever you are.

 
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