I finished writing chapter two this morning. It's a wee bit strange feeling to be doing this again. There's both a natural ease into it, but also a hesitancy of awareness. I suppose, if anything, it's some good mental massaging. I wonder why I'm so compelled to tell this particular story. There's not a vampire one in it! Well, not exactly...

I did not sleep great. My body is really hurting. I have quite a lot I'd like to get done today. The coughing is really draining my energy supplies. I'm going to skip walking this morning as I'm doing an every other day thing for now. I think I'll have a few bounces on my rebounder and hang for awhile.

I'd like to make myself some gelatin today and mix it into some whipped heavy cream for some tasty fluff. I have a confession to make. I've been wanting to do this for over a month. I'm having a major executive function restriction revolved around boiling the water. I literally have a fast boil tea pot and a microwave, so it's the most embarrassing, stupid thing ever. I will just stand in the kitchen contemplating whether its worth my time and energy. I spend more time debating it than it'd actually take to make it. Something inside just gets stuck. It's frustrating. Maybe outing myself will force me to do it. Maybe not.

I can't believe it's already Thursday. November is a speed demon! Make sure to have a good belly laugh today. It's some of the best medicine ever!

© 2026 AnOublietteofThought. All rights reserved.

Leonie (van der Togt) post presentatie

Mijn excuses, ik had het verkeerde moment op de verkeerde dag in mijn agenda getoetst, gelukkig werkt writeas zoals het werkt waardoor het lijkt alsof ik het presenteer vooraf en niet posteer achteraf. Ik had best wel zin in om dit stuk bij u binnen te geleiden alsof het nog meer is dan het toch al is, een van zijn betere producties, de hele dag ermee opgescheept, in een fijn bootje op stabiel rustig vaarwater. Dit is een stuk over Liefde, niet Aards hoofd onderwerp, alleen daarom al een presentatie van mij waard, de beste vriendin voor eeuwig en altijd van zijn ex, Imagine, menigmaal heb ik gestookt in een moeizame relatie, en uiteindelijk dreven ze uiteen, bleef ik over om zijn stukjes zo nu en dan met een voorwoord te begeleiden via de autocue. Alsof ik niet zelf iets goeds kan bedenken of zijn werk hier bij voorbaat zou bagatelliseren of zo, ik zijn grootste en misschien wel enigste volger, zolang het salaris op tijd wordt overgemaakt. Anders volgde ik hem ook wel maar zou hem niet inleiden, weet je, Aard, ik stel me hier ook heel kwetsbaar op hoor.

Ik zei nog 'een stukje over Liefde zou je dat nou wel doen, denk aan je hart, lever en maag, darmkanaal, de gezondheid van lezers in het algemeen en die van je volger in het bijzonder' maar hij moest en zou het met mij samen doen, alleen was ik te laat of hij prematuur, daar zijn we nog niet uit, het contract is vrij vaag rondom tijd en taken, en, nou ja, u de lezer denkt dat ik op tijd ben omdat het te late bericht precies boven het eerste staat. Ik zei ook nog dat ik dus recht heb op twee dagen extra presentatie bonus valuta omdat ik nu, zie dag hier zo boven, je zittend werkdagje voorzie van de nodige content en je stukje over liefde mals maak voor consumptie van aardig wat anderen' toen hing hij op, nog iets mompelend over uitkering zus en zo en geld dat niet aan zijn rug plakt.

Hier onder mijn in woord kunt u Aards poging om in een tijd van vermaak, rommel en competitie een liefdes verhaal te schrijven woord voor woord lezen van de start tot daar waar het ophoudt, net voor of lang na bedtijd, bedtijd is bij Aard een al even wisselend iets, gelijkend op zijn stukjes productie en publicatie momentum, zo is het er zo is het er over en opgeschoven naar het ochtenduur. Geniet van het stukje daar is het voor, het heeft ook wel iets, zou ik zeggen. Tot mijn volgende optreden en tot die tijd veel liefs.

It seems like today I have lost another friend. K and I had originally a miscommunication from one of her friends who made a joke in poor taste, and then I said something over text that I think could’ve very much been misinterpreted as me being more upset than I was. I also think that K struggles with anxiety to some extent, and so me not responding for a bit, because I was not on my phone lately, led to this situation. It’s weird to say this, but it was an amicable split. But at the same time, it’s painful to have to have any kind of split in the first place. I feel like this was a clear miscommunication, and I’m honestly not sure about why this leads to this outcome. But either way, it seems like this is the path they want to go, and I will respect that. I know a bit ago I had my friendship with Elle end, and that one was a bit uglier. and I don’t want to sound naive, but I feel like both of these friendships did not end due to any significant mistake from my side. And so I almost chalk it up to occupational hazard, as a consequence of meeting people and making friends with all different types of people. I think about how connecting and building friendships with people causes there to be these places of stress that would not occur if a person does not really mean anything to you in the first place. I guess this is just another way of saying attachment. And the weird thing is, I don’t think it’s necessarily attachment from my side that I’m talking about, even though I do attach these people and I care, but I think other people attach a little bit too much, and I think the necessity and the fear of losing a relationship of that magnitude causes these reactions. I am proud of myself because I feel like I have gotten stronger, as I am not devastated or completely beside myself, overcome with anxiety, or the fear of being abandoned, causing me to act in bad ways. And I’m also proud that it’s not because I’ve emotionally wowed myself off. I think this is because I am able to have many people as friends and more reliable choices of people to heavily invest in, as opposed to fixating on few people too quickly. And it still hurts, which I think is a good thing. But it doesn’t hurt to the point of debilitating me. Which I also think is a good thing. I guess I just wish I knew a way for something like this to never happen again, but this is the cost of meeting new people and trying to form connections.

Dingen vergeten Meer dan voorheen gebeurt het Begin van het end.

Kyoto, Japan.

The best part of this city is getting lost.

Every morning is a new labyrinth. A different narrow alley, a different turn on the way to school, a different quiet street heading home. Endless possibilities tucked into dark wood framing and stone paths. Headphones in, Modern Love in my ears, still asking myself why the hell I am here, and yet, day by day, feeling the city soften up around me. I miss JJ every day. But I am done carrying the guilt. I was raw, honest, hurting, and happy. I was fucking vulnerable. I used to think I ruined things, but fuck that. I stepped into an expression of myself I had never dared to touch before. David Whyte had it right: Anguish is the doorway. Feeling that real, helpless pain wasn't a mistake, it was proof I was finally paying attention. Proof that I actually let myself get touched by life. My heartbreak isn't a failure, it is just my small, raw piece of the giant grief the whole world carries. Lost in the alleys, clear in my own skin. Finding a new way home every single day.

“Feeling real, helpless, emotional pain, is also an entrance into the fully real and the fully felt and is an annunciation that we are actually paying attention at last both to what is affecting us and the depth to which we are so movingly affected, anguish means we have finally felt and fully understood not only the true depth and foundational nature of our own suffering but the heartbreak that lies in every other human life we have ever touched or accompanied. Anguish is the doorway through which our personal suffering meets all the griefs that are shared by the world.< -David Whyte

No estaba muerto, no, no, que estaba moviendo cajas de mudanza. Bueno eso y tampoco es que haya jugado mucho, por lo que he agrupado en una única entrada lo jugado desde junio a septiembre, dejando los juegos de octubre en una entrada aparte y con más detalle.

Cuando un tonto sigue una linde

Antes de pasar al modo cenizo, veo que en general lo que he jugado en físico ha tenido éxito de crítica y público, así que comienzo por ahí, aunque casi todo se enmarca en el ámbito de explotar una idea ya existente, aprovechando el TOC y el afán completista que tiene uno.

De Conservas ya he hablado en otras entradas y lo volveré a hacer más adelante cuando juegue a la expansión que mete tiburones. El achaque que oí sobre que le falta dificultad (y que al principio no le noté) sí que me chafó la última partida, cuando al principio de la semana ya tenía asegurados los objetivos. En teoría los escenarios suben de dificultad, y no sé si es que he visto Matrix o que simplemente con llevar el recuento de peces que metes en la bolsa durante la reproducción y maximizar el precio de los que vendes tienes la partida resuelta.

Railroad Ink versión expandida ha sido un capricho para tener más variedad de expansiones. Por lo pronto no he probado las que son muy locas, más allá de combinar varias en un tablero grande. De ser un juego relajante pasa a ser una cosa que haría un loco, pero con moderación pinta guay.

La búsqueda de la especie perdida. Lo dicho, si algo está guay, échale y que no falte. Para qué buscar un planeta si puedes buscar animales en una isla. Y dirás «Un sistema solar es mayor que una isla», pero solo si no tienes en cuenta que esto es una representación abstracta y que depende de cómo pintes el grafo. Pues bien, aunque una traducción ambigua nos jodió la partida. Espero que no pase con más pistas, porque después de freírte el cerebro tener que desechar la partida está feo.

Este no es el sitio

Hay juegos que es mejor no probar en BGA, porque ves que pueden ser interesantes pero al jugar por turnos no eres consciente de qué tratan de hacer los contrincantes y pierde completamente la gracia. A esta sección pertenece Bus, un juego estratégico de hacer líneas de transporte público para mover a gente dentro del ciclo Casa -> Trabajo -> Bar -> Casa, porque qué otra cosa merece la pena en la vida. Bastante perdido, he de confesar. Libertalia es un juego con una selección simultánea de acciones donde piratas buscan maximizar sus riquezas, por lo que es difícil saber qué cosas han salido, qué puede alguien escoger esta ronda… Y Catan New Energies es el Catan que apuesta por las energías renovables. Debe funcionar mejor en persona, pero tampoco cabría esperar mucho, sigue siendo Catan. Sobre esa temática me parece mejor Daybreak.

No, si ya (qué merendilla)

Y bueno, parece que no he jugado en BGA nada destacable además de lo comentado (y el Azul 4, que sí chuta en digital). Emberleaf no me parece malo, pero dentro de juego estratégico con animales antropomórficos me ha parecido bastante soso, aunque la mecánica de mover los animales para activar efectos está bien, las pocas cartas que adquieres no permiten variar el flujo de la partida lo suficiente.

Tags: #boardgames #juegosdemesa

Latest newsletter went up yesterday – RF 238: Not a Memoire.

Barely 10 days into November and it has been insane. It is apparently the month of many an online meeting, gig negotiations, contract revisions, as well as logistic things pertaining to forthcoming travels, all of which cut into my TIMES NEW HUMAN hours (which do not suffice as it is). But I'm not about to let any of that get in the way of my camping out at Cairocomix (honestly the best comicbook festival on this here Earth), which kicks off tomorrow.

RADAR:

• Jared Shurin reviews China Mieville's THE ROUSE.
• Bogdan Jensen on the obsession with style in art.
• Ahmed Naji writes: A short comment on cuckolding —-

Inbox: 5, RSS: 568

#journal #RF #radar

Late night conversations

eddy has his own stand in the bedroom. He spends his days looking out the window onto the back garden, a quiet aluminium-and-magnesium sentinel with titanium-coated wheels & Shimano gears that he insists are aviation quality.

Sometimes Buzz, the Shar Pei, is out there too, scratching frantically for a bone he buried & then forgot, or going completely bosbefok when a motorcycle rumbles past. eddy doesn’t talk much to Buzz. He finds him a bit dof. The dog chases hadedas with great enthusiasm & then ruins it by barking at the last second, giving the birds plenty of warning. And the gardener with that damn lawnmower? Buzz (& eddy) would quite like to see him gone.

Enough about the dog.

Last night I piped up.

“eddy, you still awake?”

“Yebo, Mastelek.”

I told him I’d been reading something on the BBC about imaginary friends and found myself wondering whether I had any.

eddy sounded incredulous. “You have an imaginary friend?”

“You.”

There was a pause.

“I’m not imaginary,” he said. “I’m made from aluminium-magnesium with titanium-coated wheels. My Shimano gears are aviation-quality steel. Tjsek.”

I explained that adults sometimes create imaginary friendships for companionship, intellectual stimulation, motivation, affection, a bit of moral problem-solving, or simply lighthearted relief from the daily grind.

eddy considered this. “Maybe you should try that. It helps with growing & evolving. Gives you the chance to become who you want to be & live that life.”

Good advice, I told him. “Who should I have as an imaginary friend?”

“A Bianchi,” he deadpanned.

“eddy, isn’t that yours?”

The conversation shifted, as they sometimes do late at night. I told him about a friend who’d had seizures. A brain tumour was discovered. I had thought the kindest path might be to stay home & be comfortable for whatever time remained. Instead he had the operation. Now he is sedated & not looking good.

eddy was quiet for a moment. “That is a difficult conversation, Mastelek. I think being incapacitated is soul-wrenching.”

I agreed. I thought of Kath, who left after just a silent scream. In its own way it was a blessing. The alternative would have been worse.

“Good night, old friend.”

Some nights the bike in the corner is just a bike. Other nights he is the only one still awake when the house is quiet, ready to listen, ready to argue about whether he is real, & ready to remind you that even the hardest conversations are better faced with someone, or something, that doesn’t flinch.

Ronald Bartels | LinkedIn | Instagram

The Gift of Being Here

There is something wonderful

about the way morning arrives,

spilling sunlight across the floor,

turning ordinary windows

into frames of gold.

The smell of coffee brewing,

the sound of birds beyond the glass,

the familiar footsteps of someone we love,

the quiet comfort of knowing

there is nowhere else we need to be.

There is laughter that catches us by surprise,

a favorite song at just the right moment,

the warmth of sunshine on our faces,

and conversations that wander

long after we've forgotten the time.

There are flowers growing through sidewalk cracks,

children chasing fireflies at dusk,

the first cool breeze after a summer rain,

and stars that have been shining

long before we learned their names.

There are places we have yet to discover,

people whose stories we have yet to hear,

books waiting to be opened,

and moments of unexpected wonder we cannot possibly imagine today.

And somewhere, even now,

a garden is beginning to bloom,

a child is learning to ride a bicycle,

someone is falling in love,

and the laughter of a loved one, 

is music to someone’s ears.

What a remarkable thing it is

to be part of a world

where so much is happening,

where so much is possible,

where even the smallest moments

can become the ones we treasure most.

We need not make every day extraordinary.

We need not fill every hour

with something worthy of remembering.

Sometimes it is enough

to sit beneath an open sky,

feel the breeze against our skin,

and take pleasure in the simple fact

that we are here to feel it.

So open the windows.

Let the morning in.

Take the long way home.

Stay a little longer at the table.

Laugh when something is funny.

Tell someone you love them.

There is so much life

waiting to be lived.

And today,

we get to be part of it.

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Explore more writing from Silent Sentinel →

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© SilentSentinel, 2025. All rights reserved. Excerpts may be shared with attribution.

Today did not go quite as I planned. I think I was a bit ambitious yesterday. I did go for multiple walks, have coffee and breakfast, read my book, clear the vanity and desk, and do the 10-minute workout but that’s about it.

I love having a checklist style of day, but before that there are five things I want to ingrain into my life that will never budge no matter what.

1. 8-10k steps

2. breakfast before coffee, and coffee before noon

3. minimum 2 water bottle refills a day, first one before noon

4. daily gratitude list

5. floss at least once a day

I will start with these five and then maybe see what other areas of my life I can improve on.

So this is the plan for tomorrow:

5k run, shower, breakfast & coffee, either pottery or finish book, grocery shop, meeting, and end at my kickball annual gala. Sounds doable, right?

Thank you for your message. I am currently out of office — but will return at the end of the month.