It's National Poetry Month! Submit your poetry and we'll publish it here on Read Write.as.
It's National Poetry Month! Submit your poetry and we'll publish it here on Read Write.as.
from Douglas Vandergraph
There are seasons in life when a person stops needing polished words and starts needing something real. That shift does not happen because they have become careless. It happens because life has pressed on them hard enough to strip away performance. There comes a point when a person is no longer interested in sounding impressive, no longer interested in appearing strong, and no longer interested in pretending that everything inside them is calm when it is not. They just want to be honest. They want to be heard. They want to know that when the soul is carrying more than it can explain, heaven is not far away. That is where these words begin. Dear Heaven is not the language of someone trying to sound spiritual. It is the language of someone who has reached the place where honesty matters more than polish and where need has become too deep to hide behind appearances anymore.
A lot of people are carrying things that do not show on the outside. They are still getting up in the morning. They are still handling responsibilities. They are still answering messages, making decisions, paying bills, driving places, keeping appointments, and doing their best to be present for the people around them. On the surface, they may even look steady. But underneath all of that, there is another story. There is pressure in them. There is disappointment in them. There is fear that has been sitting quietly in the background. There is weariness that has moved deeper than the body and into the mind and heart. There are people who are tired in a way that sleep does not fix because what is wearing them down is not just physical. It is emotional. It is spiritual. It is the strain of carrying burdens that never fully leave the room.
That kind of tiredness changes the way a person moves through the day. It does not always make them fall apart in public. Sometimes it makes them more quiet. Sometimes it makes them look fine while something inside them is asking how much longer they can keep doing this. Sometimes it makes them more withdrawn, more thoughtful, more easily overwhelmed by things that once felt manageable. Sometimes it makes them wonder whether they are losing strength or losing faith when really they are just carrying too much for too long. That is one of the cruel things about private exhaustion. It can make a person question themselves when the real problem is the weight they have been under. It can make them feel weak when in truth they have been fighting harder than anyone knows.
That is why those two words matter so much. Dear Heaven. They are simple, but they carry something deep. They carry the sound of a heart turning upward. They carry the confession that the soul cannot hold itself together by itself forever. They carry the longing to be met by Someone greater than the problem, greater than the fear, greater than the silence, greater than the confusion, and greater than the present moment. Some people think prayer begins when the language becomes beautiful, but prayer often begins long before that. Prayer begins when a heart becomes real. Prayer begins when pride cracks. Prayer begins when a person finally stops acting like they are fine and lets the truth come out. Sometimes the truest prayer is not long. Sometimes it is not polished. Sometimes it is simply the soul looking up and saying, Dear Heaven, because that is all it has left.
There is something beautiful about the fact that God does not require performance before He listens. Human beings are often impressed by appearances. They are often moved by confidence, polish, and presentation. They tend to respond to people who look certain and sound composed. But God has never been fooled by surfaces, and He has never depended on them. He sees beneath them. He sees what a person is carrying before they know how to describe it. He sees the private ache before it becomes public language. He sees the part of someone that is trying to stay strong for everybody else while secretly wondering who is going to help hold them up. When a person says Dear Heaven, they are not trying to break through to a distant God who may or may not care. They are turning toward the One who already sees, already knows, and already understands more than they can put into sentences.
The Gospels make this plain in the way Jesus moved through the world. He did not build His ministry around polished people who had everything under control. He moved toward the weary. He moved toward the sick. He moved toward the grieving. He moved toward the ashamed. He moved toward those who were broken, confused, desperate, or tired of carrying what they could not carry alone. He did not recoil from weakness. He did not shame people for needing help. He did not tell suffering people to come back when they could present themselves better. He met them where they were. That matters because it tells us something about the heart of God. It tells us heaven is not cold toward human pain. It tells us the Lord is not offended by honest need. It tells us that people do not have to become impressive before they can come close.
Many people spend years thinking they must approach God with the right tone, the right certainty, the right emotional state, or the right amount of faith. They imagine prayer almost like an entrance exam, as though only those who speak well enough get heard. But Scripture keeps shattering that idea. Again and again, people cry out from weakness, and God receives them. Again and again, people come to Him with mixed emotions, imperfect understanding, and trembling hope, and He does not send them away. The Bible is filled with people who loved God and still wrestled deeply. It is filled with people who believed and still hurt. It is filled with people who trusted and still asked hard questions. That honesty is not a flaw in the story. It is part of what makes the story true to life. God did not give humanity a book full of polished spiritual actors. He gave us a record full of real people whose hearts were often bruised, confused, frightened, repentant, longing, and dependent.
That is one reason the Psalms have stayed alive in the hearts of people for so long. They do not pretend the life of faith is emotionally clean. They do not pretend that every believer walks through the world with unbroken calm and perfect clarity. They show tears. They show fear. They show confusion. They show longing. They show praise that rises out of pain and trust that survives in the middle of unanswered questions. The Psalms understand that a soul can be devoted to God and still feel deeply unsettled. They understand that a person can know truth and still need comfort. They understand that faith does not erase the human condition. It transforms the direction of it. It teaches the heart where to turn while it is still hurting. It teaches the soul to look up and say Dear Heaven, not because everything is fine, but because God is still God even when everything is not.
Some of the people reading this know exactly what that feels like. They know what it is to live in the gap between what they hoped life would be and what life has actually become. They know what it is to carry disappointment that did not arrive all at once but built slowly over time. They know what it is to pray for one thing and watch something else happen. They know what it is to wait for relief and instead find themselves in a longer season than they expected. They know what it is to keep functioning while feeling as though something inside them is getting more tired with each passing week. There are disappointments that do not just wound a person once. They wear on them. They settle into the imagination. They teach the heart to brace itself. They tempt the soul to expect less from life because hoping has started to feel expensive.
That kind of disappointment can quietly change a person. It can make them guarded without realizing it. It can make them emotionally careful in ways that feel wise but are really just protective. It can make them pull back from hope because hope no longer feels simple. It can make them lower their expectations, not because they have found peace, but because they are tired of getting hurt. That is one of the sadder forms of pain because it does not always look dramatic from the outside. It often looks like calm. It often sounds like maturity. But underneath, it is a heart trying to spare itself from another blow. A person in that place does not always need a lecture. They need healing. They need someone to understand that the guarded places in them were not built out of rebellion. They were built out of accumulated disappointment.
This is where the language of Dear Heaven becomes more than poetic. It becomes necessary. It becomes the cry of a person who does not know how to carry disappointment well anymore and needs the Lord to touch the places that life has hardened. There are wounds that no human reassurance can fully reach because the wound is not just in the mind. It is in the inner posture of the heart. It has affected the way a person anticipates life. It has affected the way they pray. It has affected the way they trust. Only God knows how to heal a person deeply enough that they do not just function again but live again. Only God knows how to restore tenderness without making someone fragile. Only God knows how to revive hope without turning it into shallow positivity. Only God knows how to speak to the exhausted parts of a person in a way that does not feel forced or fake.
Then there is anxiety, which has become a constant companion for many people. Not always dramatic anxiety. Not always panic in the visible sense. Sometimes it is the quieter kind that sits in the background and never fully leaves. It is the mind that does not easily rest. It is the heart that keeps preparing for the next disappointment before the current one is even finished. It is the inward posture of bracing. It is the body sitting in one moment while the mind races ahead to all the things that could go wrong. It is the inability to fully exhale because something inside keeps insisting there is more to control, more to predict, more to solve, and more to fear. A person can look completely functional and still be living inside that kind of internal pressure every day.
When anxiety becomes familiar, it starts to feel normal, and that is part of what makes it so heavy. The person living with it often stops expecting peace. They begin to think this is just how life is going to feel now. They become used to carrying tension into ordinary moments. They become used to scanning for problems before they arrive. They become used to a restless interior world. Yet the soul was not made to live bowed under constant mental strain. Human beings were not designed to carry the whole future in their heads. They were not built to survive on fear and call it wisdom. They were made to depend on God. They were made to live from a deeper center than dread. They were made to receive peace from the One who sees tomorrow without being threatened by it.
That peace is not the same thing as denial. It is not pretending problems do not exist. It is not avoiding responsibility. It is not becoming careless. The peace of God is something stronger and better than that. It is the settling of the heart in the presence of a God who is not panicked by what panics us. It is the quieting of the soul beneath the noise. It is the ability to know that uncertainty exists without letting uncertainty rule the whole inner life. It is the grace to handle what is in front of us without trying to carry all of tomorrow at once. It is the slow relearning of trust. When a person says Dear Heaven from a place of anxiety, they are not just saying words. They are reaching for another center. They are moving away from fear as the master voice and toward God as the source of steadiness.
Loneliness is another burden many people carry without knowing how to explain it. Sometimes loneliness comes from physical isolation, but often it does not. Sometimes it happens in a crowded room. Sometimes it happens inside relationships. Sometimes it happens because a person has been through things they do not know how to put into language, and after a while they stop trying. They begin to live with the quiet assumption that nobody fully gets it, nobody fully sees it, and nobody really knows what has been happening in them. That kind of loneliness is heavy because it is not simply the absence of people. It is the feeling of being unknown, or of being seen only in partial ways, or of being understood only at the surface.
The ache of that kind of loneliness can cut deeply because human beings were not made merely to function. They were made to be known. They were made to be loved. They were made to live with connection, care, and meaningful presence. When those things are thin or absent, the heart feels it. A person may continue doing all the right things externally while internally carrying the sadness of not feeling fully met. That sadness often stays quiet. It does not always announce itself loudly. It can become part of the background of daily life. Yet God sees it. He sees the person who feels surrounded and still alone. He sees the one who has been strong for so long that they no longer know how to say they need comfort. He sees the one who keeps showing up while carrying the secret ache of not feeling understood.
That matters because being unseen by people does not mean being unseen by God. Being misunderstood does not mean being unknown. There are places in human experience that words fail to carry well, but God does not need our language in order to know us. He sees below language. He sees below behavior. He sees the heart before the heart can explain itself. He knows the history that shaped the pain. He knows the disappointments that taught the person to go quiet. He knows the losses that changed the way they move through the world. He knows the fatigue that has become part of the atmosphere of their life. He knows. That does not instantly erase loneliness, but it means loneliness is not the whole truth. There is still a God who knows us fully, and that changes the meaning of the silence.
Some people are especially tired because they have become the strong one in their world. They are the one others lean on. They are the one who keeps things moving. They are the one who shows up, handles details, absorbs pressure, keeps order, and carries more than most people realize. From the outside, they may even be admired for their strength. But there is a hidden cost to always being the one who holds things together. Strength can become lonely when a person never feels they have permission to set their own burden down. Strength can become exhausting when it is expected rather than supported. Strength can become a prison when a person starts believing they must never be the needy one.
There are people who do not know how to rest because they have been in survival mode for so long. There are people who do not know how to ask for help because asking feels unfamiliar or unsafe. There are people who are tired of being the one everybody assumes will be fine. Those are often the people who most need to hear that weakness brought honestly before God is not failure. It is not shameful. It is not spiritual weakness. It is the doorway into grace. The person who has been strong for everybody else may need to hear with fresh clarity that God is not asking them to keep performing strength in His presence. He is inviting them to be held. He is inviting them to stop pretending they can carry it all alone. He is inviting them to come exactly as they are.
This is one of the turning points in real faith. At some point, a person stops treating prayer like presentation and starts treating prayer like surrender. They stop thinking they need to impress God with language and start handing Him what they were never meant to hold by themselves. That is what makes prayer living and necessary. It is not a speech. It is an act of release. It is not the art of sounding spiritual. It is the act of becoming honest. It is the movement of the soul toward the One who is steadier than we are. It is the moment when a person says, in whatever words they have, I cannot hold this well on my own anymore. I need help. I need peace. I need mercy. I need strength. I need You here.
Dear Heaven becomes sacred in that moment because it contains both honesty and hope. It admits need, but it also turns toward God instead of shutting down in despair. It is not the language of someone who has given up. It is the language of someone who still believes there is a place higher to look. That matters. The enemy wants pain to trap people inside themselves. God keeps calling people upward. Fear wants the heart to circle endlessly around its own worst thoughts. Prayer interrupts that cycle. Prayer lifts what fear tries to trap. Prayer does not always erase pain immediately, but it changes the direction of the soul. It places the burden before a Father instead of forcing the heart to carry it in isolation.
That change of direction is not small. It is often the beginning of healing. Not healing in the shallow sense where every problem vanishes at once, but healing in the deeper sense where the heart starts breathing again. The person who has been closing inward begins to open upward. The person who has been silently drowning in thought begins to release those thoughts into the presence of God. The person who has been interpreting every delay as rejection begins to remember that God still works in hidden places. The person who has been convinced they are alone begins to sense that Heaven has not been absent. Prayer is powerful partly because it reminds the soul it is not self-contained. It was never meant to be.
The Scriptures are full of moments where the people of God had to learn that again. They had to learn it in deserts. They had to learn it in storms. They had to learn it in prisons, in caves, in long waits, and in moments when the silence felt heavy. Again and again, God met people in places that did not look impressive. Again and again, He proved He was not limited by the fact that the moment felt barren, confusing, or unfinished. That is deeply important for anyone living in a slow season now. A slow season is not proof of divine neglect. A hidden season is not proof that nothing is happening. A quiet season is not proof that God walked away. Very often, the opposite is true. God is doing roots work. He is forming something below the surface that will matter later.
Human beings are often impatient with anything that does not show results quickly. We want visible movement. We want immediate relief. We want something we can point to and say there, now I know God is doing something. But God is not limited to visible methods. Some of His best work happens in the hidden places of a person. He deepens trust there. He exposes false supports there. He teaches dependence there. He heals motives there. He steadies identity there. He shows a person that peace must be rooted in something deeper than changing circumstances. That hidden work may not feel dramatic while it is happening, but it is not empty. It is holy work. It is preparation. It is transformation that lasts longer because it was formed more deeply.
All of this matters because many people judge their season by their feelings alone. If they feel strong, they assume God is near. If they feel weak, they assume they are failing. If they feel peace, they think heaven is close. If they feel numb or troubled, they fear heaven has gone silent. But feelings, while real, do not always tell the whole truth. A person can feel overwhelmed and still be held by God. A person can feel tired and still be growing. A person can feel emotionally flat and still be deeply loved. A person can feel uncertain and still be guided. The presence of God is not fragile. It does not come and go with emotional weather. That is good news for the soul that does not feel much except pressure right now.
There is comfort in knowing that Jesus Himself entered the full weight of human sorrow. He was not untouched by grief. He was not distant from suffering. He did not save humanity from a safe emotional distance. He came near. He walked through rejection, weariness, misunderstanding, and pain. He prayed in anguish. He wept. He carried the full weight of a fallen world all the way to the cross. That means when a suffering person says Dear Heaven through Jesus Christ, they are not speaking into a cold silence. They are speaking through the One who knows suffering from the inside. They are speaking toward a God who has already come close in the most costly way possible.
That changes how we understand our weakness. Weakness is not always a sign that something is spiritually wrong. Sometimes weakness is simply the truth of being human in a hard world. Sometimes it is what happens when a person has carried too much too long. Sometimes it is the natural result of grief, fear, disappointment, or long waiting. The question is not whether weakness exists. The question is where weakness turns. Does it shut down into despair, or does it turn upward toward God. Dear Heaven is the answer of the soul that chooses to turn upward. It may not feel like a dramatic answer, but it is a holy one. It is the beginning of refusing despair the final word.
When that turn happens, courage can begin to rise again. Not loud courage that makes a show of itself. Not the kind that denies pain. Real courage. Quiet courage. The courage to keep walking with God one day at a time. The courage to keep the heart open when disappointment has tempted it to close. The courage to keep praying when the words feel small. The courage to keep believing that this chapter, however heavy, is not the whole story. Quiet courage is one of the most beautiful things God builds in a person because it is not based on appearance. It is based on rootedness. It comes from knowing where help comes from.
That courage often arrives gently. It may not flood a person all at once. It may appear in small ways. A little more steadiness than yesterday. A little more willingness to breathe. A little more space between fearful thoughts. A little more openness to hope. A little more ability to hand the burden over instead of gripping it so tightly. That kind of change matters. It may look small from the outside, but inside a life it can be the beginning of restoration. The soul that once only knew how to brace itself begins to learn how to rest. The heart that once only knew how to survive begins to remember what it feels like to trust again.
This is why honest prayer matters so much. It matters because it gives the burden somewhere to go. It matters because it places the soul in truth. It matters because it teaches the heart it was never meant to be self-sustaining. It matters because it reminds us that peace is received, not manufactured. It matters because it tells fear that it does not get to be the final voice. It matters because the act of looking up and saying Dear Heaven is itself an act of resistance against despair. It is the refusal to let pain become ultimate. It is the refusal to let silence become the same thing as abandonment. It is the refusal to let the present moment rewrite the character of God.
And for many people, that is exactly where they need to begin again. Not with a grand speech. Not with forced certainty. Not with some version of faith that sounds impressive but is disconnected from real life. They need to begin with honesty. They need to begin with the quiet truth of what hurts, what is heavy, what feels uncertain, and what they can no longer carry alone. They need to begin where the heart actually is. That is where God meets people. He does not begin with the false version. He begins with the real one.
So if you have been tired, be honest about it. If you have been afraid, be honest about it. If you have been disappointed, guarded, lonely, or worn down, be honest about it. Do not confuse honesty with lack of faith. Honest faith is often the strongest kind because it is no longer trying to protect its image. It is simply turning toward God with the truth. The person who can look up and say Dear Heaven from the middle of real life has already begun to move in the right direction. That prayer may sound small to the world, but heaven does not despise it. Heaven hears it.
And maybe that is the deepest comfort of all. You do not have to become someone else before you can come near to God. You do not have to stop being tired before you are loved. You do not have to understand everything before you are held. You do not have to force your heart into a polished spiritual shape before heaven pays attention. You can come as you are. You can come with the weight. You can come with the questions. You can come with the disappointment. You can come with the fatigue, the confusion, the loneliness, and the ache. You can come with two words if that is all you have left. Dear Heaven.
If there is anything this world has taught many people, it is how to keep going while quietly falling apart. It teaches people how to answer with “I’m fine” when they are not. It teaches them how to keep their schedule while their spirit feels heavy. It teaches them how to move through rooms with composure while carrying private storms that never get mentioned. After a while, a person can become so practiced at surviving that they no longer remember what peace used to feel like. They begin to think pressure is normal. They begin to think constant heaviness is just adulthood. They begin to think living tense is wisdom. But there is a difference between functioning and being whole. There is a difference between getting through the day and living with a settled soul. There is a difference between surviving life and walking with God through it. That is why the heart eventually reaches a place where it does not want another trick for coping. It wants relief that is deeper than management. It wants the kind of help only Heaven can give.
Some people have been trying to fix with logic what can only be healed in the presence of God. They have analyzed their thoughts, replayed their disappointments, examined their wounds, questioned their reactions, and tried to reason their way back into peace. There is nothing wrong with reflection, and there is wisdom in understanding what is happening inside us, but there comes a point when the soul needs more than self-examination. It needs mercy. It needs rest. It needs to be held by Someone who is not confused by its confusion. Human understanding can only take a person so far. Eventually the heart reaches the edge of itself. Eventually the mind runs out of answers. Eventually the person who has tried to keep all the pieces organized realizes they cannot think themselves into being unhurt. That realization is not failure. It is often the beginning of surrender, and surrender is one of the most important places a human being can reach.
Surrender is often misunderstood because people hear the word and assume weakness, passivity, or defeat. But biblical surrender is not collapse into meaninglessness. It is the holy release of what was crushing us into the hands of the One strong enough to hold it. It is the moment when a person stops gripping pain like they were built to master it. It is the moment when they stop acting as if every outcome depends on their emotional endurance, their mental clarity, or their perfect spiritual performance. Surrender says I am not the savior of my own life. Surrender says I cannot carry what belongs in God’s hands. Surrender says I need a strength greater than my own. That is not defeat. That is truth. It is the kind of truth that finally creates room for grace to move.
Many people delay surrender because they fear what it might mean. They fear it will mean losing control, and they have built so much of their inner life around trying to maintain control that letting go feels dangerous. They fear it will mean disappointment if God does not answer the way they want. They fear it will mean vulnerability, and vulnerability feels costly after pain. But the control they are clinging to is often the very thing exhausting them. The pressure to hold it together, predict the future, secure every outcome, and keep the heart protected at all times is not freedom. It is bondage with a respectable face. God never asked us to become miniature gods over our own stories. He asked us to trust Him. He asked us to walk with Him. He asked us to cast our cares on Him because He cares for us. Those words only make sense if we admit there are things we were never meant to keep carrying ourselves.
That is why prayer can become so life-giving when it stops being ceremonial and becomes real. When prayer is reduced to language without surrender, it may still sound spiritual, but it does not always free the heart. Real prayer is not just speech directed upward. It is burden released upward. It is fear brought into the light. It is the private ache brought before a God who already sees it. It is the refusal to live sealed inside ourselves. That is why a simple prayer can carry so much power. Dear Heaven may sound small, but if it rises from a sincere heart, it contains the whole movement of dependence. It is the soul refusing self-sufficiency. It is the inner turning that says I cannot be my own refuge anymore. It is the beginning of coming home.
Coming home is one of the deepest longings in the human soul, and not just in the physical sense. People long for the place where they do not have to perform. They long for the place where they can set the burden down. They long for the presence where they do not have to explain every bruise before they are loved. They long for rest that is more than a pause in activity. They long for rest in the deepest part of themselves. The Gospel speaks directly to that longing because in Jesus Christ, God did not wait for humanity to climb up toward Him through strength or religious perfection. He came near. He entered the human condition. He brought the heart of Heaven close enough to touch grief, weakness, fear, shame, sickness, betrayal, and death itself. That means home is not just a far-off promise for later. Through Christ, the nearness of God has already broken into the human story.
This is why it matters that Jesus said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” That invitation is not small. It is not ornamental. It is one of the most compassionate statements ever spoken into human history. He did not say come to me once you have recovered. He did not say come to me when you have mastered your emotions. He did not say come to me when your faith feels impressive. He said come while you are burdened. Come while you are tired. Come while you are carrying what you cannot carry. The invitation of Christ is not aimed at the already untroubled. It is aimed at the weary. It is aimed at the people who know they need rest but do not know how to make it for themselves. That invitation still stands, and many people need to hear it again with fresh ears.
Rest, in the biblical sense, is not laziness and it is not escape. It is the restoration of a soul that has been living under strain. It is the inward relief that comes from trusting God enough to stop trying to be ultimate in our own story. It is the quietness that grows when the heart begins to believe it is truly held. That kind of rest is hard for some people to receive because they have lived under tension for so long that peace feels unfamiliar. When peace starts to come, they almost distrust it. They keep waiting for the next blow. They keep watching for the next disappointment. Their nervous system has learned vigilance. Their imagination has learned threat. Their heart has learned caution. So when God begins teaching them rest, it can feel like a slow re-education of the soul. It can feel like learning to breathe again in a way they had forgotten.
There is no shame in that slowness. In fact, slowness is often where the tenderness of God becomes most visible. He is not irritated by process. He is not impatient with healing. He is not standing over wounded people demanding instant emotional transformation. He is patient. He is faithful. He is gentle with bruised hearts. He knows the difference between rebellion and injury. He knows the difference between indifference and exhaustion. He knows when a person is not resisting Him, but simply tired from the fight. That is one reason Scripture says a bruised reed He will not break. God does not crush the fragile. He cares for them. He strengthens them without despising their weakness. He restores them without mocking the fact that restoration takes time.
That truth is so important for people who are tired of themselves. Many hurting people are not only carrying pain. They are also carrying frustration about the fact that they are still affected by it. They are disappointed in their own slowness. They feel ashamed that they are still struggling. They compare their current strength to who they think they should be by now. They judge themselves for being overwhelmed, fearful, or weary. In some cases they are harsher with themselves than anyone else has been. But shame is a terrible healer. Shame does not restore the heart. It drives the wound deeper. Grace is what heals. Truth spoken with mercy is what heals. The patient presence of God is what heals. The person who has become angry at their own weakness may need to hear that God is not standing over them with the disgust they fear. He is drawing near with compassion.
When the heart begins to believe that, something starts to soften. The person who has been fighting themselves can begin to receive help instead. The person who has been endlessly judging their emotions can begin to bring those emotions honestly before God. The person who has been exhausted by trying to be stronger can begin to discover that God’s strength does not arrive through self-hatred. It arrives through dependence. It arrives through abiding. It arrives through surrender. This does not mean discipline stops mattering or choices stop mattering, but it does mean grace comes first. The Christian life is not built on our ability to generate enough inner power to impress God. It is built on Christ. It is built on receiving what God gives. It is built on the Spirit strengthening what we could not keep alive by ourselves.
This is also where hope begins to change shape. At first, many people think hope means getting the exact outcome they asked for. They tie hope tightly to one resolution, one answered prayer, one open door, one change in circumstances. There is nothing wrong with longing for those things. Scripture is full of real requests and real desires. But over time, if a person walks with God long enough, hope begins to deepen. It becomes larger than one outcome. It becomes confidence in the character of God. It becomes trust that even when the path is not what we expected, we are not abandoned on it. It becomes the quiet conviction that the Lord can still redeem, still guide, still sustain, still form, and still bring good out of what looked like only loss. That deeper hope cannot be shattered as easily because it is no longer resting on one narrow possibility. It is resting on God Himself.
That kind of hope is powerful in slow seasons because slow seasons try to convince a person that nothing meaningful is happening. They whisper that because there is no dramatic breakthrough, nothing is changing. They whisper that because relief has not come quickly, relief is not coming. They whisper that because the burden is still felt, Heaven must not be near. But those whispers are lies. God does not measure progress only through sudden visible change. Often the most important changes are hidden at first. A heart that once would have collapsed begins to endure with greater steadiness. A mind once ruled by panic begins to find moments of calm. A person who once sealed themselves off begins to open again in prayer. A wounded soul that once only knew how to brace begins to learn how to trust. These changes may not announce themselves with spectacle, but they are real. They are evidence that grace is at work.
Sometimes the best thing God gives in a hard season is not immediate escape from it, but a different way of standing in it. That may sound smaller than what we want, but it is not small at all. To stand in a hard place with a steadier heart, with cleaner vision, with less panic, with more faith, with deeper peace, and with a greater sense of God’s nearness is no tiny gift. It is profound. It can change the whole inner experience of the season. The burden may still be real, but it no longer rules the soul in the same way. The questions may still exist, but they no longer devour peace as easily. The road may still be hard, but the person is no longer walking it as though abandoned. That is part of how God sustains His people. He does not always remove the valley immediately. Often He meets them in it and teaches them what they could not have learned on easier ground.
That does not mean believers must glorify pain or pretend suffering is beautiful in itself. Pain is pain. Grief is grief. Disappointment hurts. Anxiety wears on the mind. Loneliness cuts deeply. Hard seasons are hard. We do not need to romanticize them in order to be faithful. But we can say this with confidence: none of those things has the right to become greater than God in our interpretation of reality. They are real, but they are not ultimate. They are weighty, but they are not the throne. God remains God in the middle of them. His character is not rewritten by the chapter we are in. His mercy is not undone by our exhaustion. His presence is not erased by our numbness. His faithfulness is not canceled by our disappointment. That is why even a bruised soul can still say Dear Heaven with sincerity. It still knows, however faintly, where help comes from.
And once a person remembers where help comes from, they begin to lift their eyes differently. They may still be tired, but they are not only looking inward anymore. They may still have questions, but they are not circling endlessly inside themselves. They may still feel weak, but weakness is no longer the whole definition of the moment. They are turning. They are lifting. They are bringing their real life before God. That movement matters. It matters more than people realize because despair thrives when the soul remains folded in on itself. Despair grows in sealed rooms. Prayer opens a window. Worship opens a window. Scripture opens a window. Honest surrender opens a window. Suddenly there is air again. Suddenly the person is not trapped entirely inside the echo of their own fear.
This is also why community matters, though many tired people resist it. They have often been hurt, disappointed, or simply too weary to explain themselves, so they pull back. Sometimes they tell themselves it is easier that way, and sometimes in the short term it is. But isolation can deepen what grace is trying to heal. God often brings comfort through His presence directly, but He also brings it through people, through wise words, through compassionate presence, through the body of Christ, through those who know how to sit beside another person without trying to rush their healing. The heart that says Dear Heaven may also need to let God answer some of that cry through human vessels of love and support. There is humility in that too. There is surrender in allowing ourselves to be helped.
Yet even when human help is thin, the soul is not left without hope. One of the most important truths a person can learn is that the Lord is able to sustain them even in places where other support feels scarce. He can keep a person alive inwardly through seasons that would have crushed them if they were left only to themselves. He can preserve a flame when everything around it feels cold. He can renew strength in ways that are almost quiet enough to miss if we are not paying attention. Many people look back later and realize God carried them through days they never would have survived by their own resources. At the time, all they knew was that they kept getting up. They kept breathing. They kept moving. Later they see it more clearly. Mercy was there. Strength was there. Bread was there for that day. God was not absent at all. He was holding them in ways they were too tired to recognize at the time.
This is why gratitude becomes possible even before the season fully changes. Not shallow gratitude that denies reality, but deeper gratitude that notices grace inside reality. Gratitude for the fact that God is still listening. Gratitude for the fact that Christ is still near to the weary. Gratitude for the fact that the heart can still turn upward at all. Gratitude for the moments of peace that do break through. Gratitude for the people who do stay. Gratitude for the strength to keep taking the next step. Gratitude for the truth that what feels unfinished is not the same as hopeless. In this way, gratitude becomes part of how the soul resists despair. It reminds the heart that darkness has not swallowed everything. There is still mercy. There is still goodness. There is still God.
As all of this deepens, the words Dear Heaven begin to mean even more. At first they may be mainly the cry of a tired heart. Later they become the language of trust. Later they become the reflex of a soul that has learned where to go first. Later they become a way of living with open dependence on God. The person who once only whispered them in desperation begins to speak them in surrender, in worship, in gratitude, and in expectation. The same words remain, but the life inside them grows richer. That is part of spiritual maturity. It is not moving beyond dependence. It is growing more at home in it. It is not learning how to need God less. It is learning how to come to Him more quickly, more honestly, and more fully.
So if this season has left you tired, do not despise the simplicity of your prayer. Do not think it is too small because it is not polished. Do not assume Heaven hears less just because your words are plain. God has always known how to hear the cries that come from the deepest places. He knows how to hear what breaks before it becomes beautiful. He knows how to hear a soul that cannot make a speech but can still turn toward Him. He knows how to receive the exhausted, the frightened, the disappointed, the grieving, and the guarded. He knows how to gather what life has scattered. He knows how to heal what shame kept hidden. He knows how to strengthen what feels too weak to keep pretending.
And if you are reading this from the middle of a season that still hurts, let this settle into you. You do not have to become less human in order to walk closely with God. You do not have to erase your ache before you can come near. You do not have to wait until your emotions improve before you are worthy of mercy. The Lord meets people in the truth of where they are. He meets them in ordinary rooms, in late-night thoughts, in tearful prayers, in tired mornings, in the quiet drive, in the moment after disappointment, in the loneliness no one else can name, and in the deep places where the soul finally admits it needs Him. That is where grace comes close. That is where Heaven leans near.
So let your heart turn upward again. Let the pressure be named. Let the disappointment be surrendered. Let the fear be carried into the presence of God instead of endlessly carried inside yourself. Let the guarded places be touched by mercy. Let the tired mind hear again that peace is still possible. Let the strong one admit they also need holding. Let the lonely one remember they are known. Let the anxious one remember tomorrow has not escaped God’s hands. Let the disappointed one remember that delay is not the same thing as abandonment. Let the weary one remember Christ still says come to me. And if all you have left is two words, then let those two words be enough to begin again. Dear Heaven.
Your friend, Douglas Vandergraph
Watch Douglas Vandergraph inspiring faith-based videos on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@douglasvandergraph
Support the ministry by buying Douglas a coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/douglasvandergraph
Financial support to help keep this Ministry active daily can be mailed to:
Vandergraph Po Box 271154 Fort Collins, Colorado 80527
from
TechNewsLit Explores

I’ve not had many opportunities to shoot on-field sports photos, so when Old Glory DC, our local Major League Rugby franchise, announced an open practice in nearby Fairfax, Virginia, I jumped at the chance.
Rugby is a predecessor to American football, played with a fatter ball and in most cases with 15 on a side. It’s also played without helmets and pads, which gives the sport much of its mystique. Back in my checkered youth, I played six seasons — each spring and fall for three years — with the George Washington University rugby club.
The word “scrum” comes from rugby, which in today’s parlance has come to mean a disorganized mob. In rugby, however, a scrum requires intense and extraordinary teamwork; see for example Old Glory DC’s forwards in a real rugby scrum: 
I tried to capture in these photos the high level of skill and teamwork required of rugby players at the professional level. See the whole gallery in our TechNewsLit collection on Smugmug.
You will note that each of the images in the gallery carries a Creative Commons – Attribution license.
Copyright © Technology News and Literature. All rights reserved.
from
the casual critic
#fiction #films #SF
Warning: Contains spoilers
A man wakes up, alone, aboard a spaceship near a strange star. The man does not remember who he is, how he got here, or most crucially, what has happened to him. He soon discovers however, that the survival of mankind rests on his shoulders. Project Hail Mary is the story of how he responds.
Project Hail Mary the movie is based on the eponymous book by Andy Weir, known from previous novel-made-movie The Martian, which similarly tells the story of a lone man surviving against the odds. It continues a venerable tradition of movies about cosmic calamities that require a brave few to boldly go where no man has gone before to blow up an asteroid (Armageddon, Deep Impact), rekindle the sun (Sunshine), or find a new home for humanity (Interstellar). This time, our reluctant hero is Dr Ryland Grace (played by Ryan Gosling), disgraced microbiologist, who is sent to Tau Ceti to find a cure for an interstellar infection that is dimming the Sun. At Tau Ceti he joins forces with an alien astronaut, baptised ‘Rocky’, from 40 Eridani, who was sent to Tau Ceti on a similar rescue mission.
Project Hail Mary works on two levels, the macro and the micro, the cosmic and the personal. And despite its stunning visuals evoking the vastness of space, it is decidedly stronger at its smaller scales, in no small part to strong acting by Ryan Gosling, who must carry much of the movie on his own. As I noted in my previous review, good sci-fi doesn’t predict the future, but holds up a mirror to the present day. Project Hail Mary works convincingly as a story about hope, friendship, and collaboration, but it does require a fair amount of willing suspension of disbelief to get there.
The unavoidable question confronting both audience and Dr Grace himself is why he finds himself alone on a mission to save humanity. A series of flashbacks gradually reveals a backstory that withstands critical scrutiny about as well as a human withstands the vacuum of space. It takes an unreasonable number of accidental and unexplained deaths, combined with an astonishing lack of redundancy planning, to result in our lonely spacefarer, who then by a stroke of luck the size of Jupiter finds himself in Tau Ceti at the exact same time and place as Rocky. It is probably more plausible than the universe making me a cheese sandwich out of quantum fluctuations in the cosmic background radiation, but not by much.
All of this is set in motion by an existentially threatening reduction in the output of the Sun, caused by the presence of a cosmic bacterium labelled the Astrophage. The Astrophage absorbs radiation at all wavelengths apart from infrared (not unlike chlorophyll, then) and is breeding on CO2 rich Venus while presumably covering the entire Sun in a shell of radiation eating bacteria. It is rather like that alien goo in Prometheus in possessing precisely the properties the plot demands: seeming faster-than-light spread, consuming the energy output of a star which is 1.5 million times larger than the planet on which it procreates, and then biochemically storing the output of a small fusion reaction in a petridish so that it can be easily harnessed as a stardrive to send our hero on his mission in the titular ‘Hail Mary’.
After Grace’s arrival at Tau Ceti the physics are fortunately grounded back in reality, enabling Project Hail Mary to elegantly interweave it with its narrative. The relativistic speeds attained by the Hail Mary have resulted in measurable time dilation, which means Ryland Grace is over 10 lightyears from Earth, yet has only aged 4 years since departure. Gravity on board is only available when under thrust or through an ingenious centrifuge mode, and the movie cleverly uses the presence or absence of gravity to telegraph what is going on. Orbital manoeuvres and the interior of the spaceship also feel authentic and produce some spectacular visuals, making it easy to see why the movie was filmed with IMAX in mind.
Dr Grace’s alien counterpart Rocky is also intriguingly and profoundly alien. Here we do not have some humanoid with pointy ears or purple skin, but a five-legged rock-based species (splendidly operated and voiced by James Ortiz), that has mastered the atomic level manipulation of xenon to construct vast structures, including the spaceship on which they traveled to Tau Ceti. It makes for a brilliant contrast between the messy complexity of humanity and the monolithic elegance of the Eridians, but it leaves the viewer with a lot of questions that the movie doesn’t so much not answer, as never even ask. I’m not an eminent exobiologist, but am nonetheless curious how Rocky’s species nervous system and metabolism function. Or how technology based seemingly on the manipulation of a single element produces the complex artefacts necessary for manned spaceflight. It is therefore somewhat of a shame that despite his putative past interest in alien life, Ryland Grace is astonishingly uninterested in Rocky and the world he hails from. We get an excessive number of scenes where Rocky and Grace bond over footage of Earth on the Hail Mary’s rudimentary holodeck, but there is barely any reciprocal interest in Rocky’s planet, culture or technology, and it takes until the end of the movie before Grace even visits Rocky’s spaceship.
Maybe Ryland Grace’s lack of interest is explained by how surprisingly human Rocky is, despite being an animated rock with a sensory apparatus based on echolocation. Although Grace has to construct his own universal translator to interpret Rocky’s vocalisations, it transpires that Rocky’s language is surprisingly amenable to English grammar and syntax, not to mention implausibly compatible with a human conceptual framework. Excepting a few recurring mistranslations that serve to remind the audience of the underlying language barrier, as well as for comic effect, Rocky passes seamlessly as American. Contrast this with Arrival, where the attempt to understand aliens who have a fundamentally different conception of reality is the point of the entire movie, rather than the work of a five minute montage.
Most of this can be forgiven because without the rapid establishment of common ground, the relationship between Rocky and Grace would never lift off, and it is here where the movie really shines. Ryan Gosling puts in an excellent performance, managing to strike the precarious balance between comedy and pathos in both the Hail Mary scenes and the pre-launch flashbacks. Gosling easily persuades us to emotionally connect with Rocky, an animated object with even fewer humanoid features than WALL-E, but who nonetheless evokes endearment and sympathy. This investment pays off across several moving moments when our heroes have to overcome the inevitable challenges and risks imposed by the harsh nature of space and the demands of the plot. In the scenes on Earth, Gosling plays the more familiar ‘outsider turned insider’ scientist, but without falling back too strongly onto one-dimensional stereotypes.
The flashback scenes back on Earth are also the ones infused with an almost surreal optimism, presenting us with a world where in the face of an existential threat, humanity does actually manage to band together to try and face it off. The international nature of the Hail Mary project is reinforced at every turn, showing us a global scientific community, Chinese cosmonauts, German administrators and Russian ground control all working together. The prominent shots of an American aircraft carrier are maybe a tad unfortunate at this particular point in time, but it would be unfair to hold that against the movie.
Drawing both strands together, Project Hail Mary is suffused with a profound optimism that acts as a welcome antidote to our present times. It wholeheartedly affirms that forging connections across boundaries, whether cultural, linguistic or technological, is possible, and that people will make the right decisions when it comes down to it, even if they sometimes need a little push to do so. The multinational cooperation to remove the Astrophage threat draws from a poorer cinematic tradition than the disaster movie elements of Project Hail Mary, but nonetheless recalls movies like Arrival or Pacific Rim, series like Stargate Atlantis, or videogames like X-COM and Mass Effect, all keeping a hope alive that we can work together across boundaries and borders to further the common good. At a time when a declining US empire seems intent on disrupting any attempt at global cooperation, reminders that another approach is possible are an unalloyed positive.
On the whole, Project Hail Mary is an eminently enjoyable movie with stunning visuals, a potent mix of comedy and scientific seriousness, and a heartfelt relationship at its core. Given its committed message of hope, it feels unkind to hold its basic premise of the sole, vaguely antiheroic man saving the world, against it. Nonetheless, it remained a discordant note for me throughout, diminishing the effectiveness of its emotional appeal through the sheer amount of contrivance deployed to fabricate a situation where this man – and as always it is a white, American man – must single-handedly save the world. If I was qualified to psychoanalyse, I might speculate that the movie is indicative of a profound anxiety afflicting affluent white American men who fear that even they no longer have any agency in our increasingly out-of-control world. The message of hope is thus tinged with a hint of frightened wish-fulfillment, complete with the stern Germanic mutti figure to take command and tell us that everything will be fine.
In the real world neither Germanic mutti’s nor metrosexual American men will come and save us. It will be a shared struggle, and insofar as Project Hail Mary inspires us to believe that humans can work together to overcome insurmountable odds and that every everyman will find it in them to do the right thing, while giving us some good laughs and cries along the way, it is a movie made for its time.
from
wystswolf
Mahmoud Darwish
At a bread shop, on the corner of a narrow Paris street, I sip my first coffee. The smell of bread mixes with the smell of coffee in the mornings, awakening in me the desire for a fresh life, a life just beginning, and a spontaneous peace with small things, and with pigeons who prefer strutting around among cars and passers-by to flying. I don't see anyone else sitting there with only his journals for company, but I feel I am sharing in the elderly ladies' enthusiasm for the detailed information they are relating about other people's lives, and the politely neutral responses of the pretty shop assistants and waitresses when male customers older than me flirt with them. I linger over my coffee to preserve an acquired sense of companionship with my surroundings, for a stranger has no alternative but to construct some kind of intimacy with some random place, and I have chosen this corner of the bread shop to form a daily routine, as if I have an appointment with hardworking memories that rely on themselves to grow and evolve. I abandon myself to thoughts about the history of bread: how was the first grain of wheat discovered in a green ear braided like a pigtail? And how did someone observe it ripening and turning golden? And how did it occur to him to grind it, knead it and bake it until he arrived at this miracle? I see fields far away in time and place and wonder how long this act of creation took. The smell of fresh bread rises into the air and I look at my watch, then come back from thousands of years away to a life just beginning.
from
Roscoe's Quick Notes

My game of choice on this Palm Sunday has my Texas Rangers playing the Philadelphia Phillies. This early afternoon game has a scheduled start time of 12:35 PM CDT and fits comfortably into my day's other commitments.
And the adventure continues.
from sancharini
Business logic is the core of any software system. It defines how data is processed, how decisions are made, and how workflows operate. If business logic fails, the entire application can behave incorrectly – even if the code itself runs without errors. This is where black box testing becomes highly effective.
By focusing on system behavior rather than internal implementation, black box testing helps ensure that business rules are correctly applied and validated from an end-user perspective.
Business logic refers to the rules and workflows that govern how an application operates.
Validating this logic is critical for ensuring correct system behavior.
Black box testing is a technique where testers evaluate the functionality of a system based on inputs and expected outputs, without knowledge of the internal code.
This makes it ideal for validating business logic.
Incorrect business logic can lead to:
Testing ensures that rules are applied correctly under all conditions.
Let’s explore how this approach ensures accurate business rule validation.
Black box testing is designed around real user interactions.
Testing a discount rule based on user type or purchase value.
Business logic depends on how inputs are processed.
Ensures correct outputs for all possible scenarios.
Sometimes business rules are incomplete or incorrectly implemented.
Black box testing helps uncover these issues early.
Many systems rely on multi-step processes.
Ensures each step follows the correct sequence and logic.
Edge cases often reveal hidden defects.
Improved reliability and robustness.
Black box testing is closely tied to requirements.
This leads to more accurate testing outcomes.
While black box testing focuses on validating external behavior, combining it with black box vs white box testing provides deeper insights.
Together, they provide complete coverage of business logic.
Consider an e-commerce platform.
This ensures reliable system behavior.
Teams may face challenges such as:
Proper planning and collaboration can address these issues.
To maximize effectiveness:
These practices ensure accurate validation.
Modern tools support black box testing by:
For example, platforms like Keploy can record API interactions and help validate business logic through real-world scenarios.
Black box testing is a powerful approach for validating business logic in software systems. By focusing on inputs, outputs, and real-world workflows, it ensures that business rules are correctly implemented and consistently applied.
When combined with other techniques, it provides comprehensive validation-helping teams deliver reliable, accurate, and high-quality software systems.
from sancharini
Maintaining software stability is one of the biggest challenges in modern development. As applications evolve with frequent updates, new features, and bug fixes, the risk of breaking existing functionality increases. This is where test automation becomes essential.
By continuously validating system behavior and detecting issues early, test automation helps teams ensure that applications remain stable, reliable, and consistent over time.
Stable software ensures:
Without stability, even small changes can lead to major disruptions.
Test automation involves using tools and scripts to automatically execute tests and validate application behavior.
It enables teams to test applications efficiently and frequently.
Let’s explore the key ways test automation contributes to stable software systems.
Every code change introduces potential risks.
Prevents new changes from breaking existing functionality.
Finding bugs early is critical for stability.
Early detection ensures smoother development cycles.
Regression testing is essential for maintaining stability.
Automation makes regression testing scalable and efficient.
Manual testing can lead to inconsistencies.
Consistency is key to maintaining stability.
Test automation allows teams to cover more scenarios.
Better coverage reduces the chances of undetected issues.
Quick feedback helps teams respond to issues faster.
This keeps the system stable throughout development.
Modern development relies on continuous integration and delivery.
This ensures stability in fast-paced environments.
As systems grow, maintaining stability becomes harder.
This is especially important for microservices and distributed systems.
Understanding the benefits of test automation helps teams implement it effectively. It not only improves testing efficiency but also ensures long-term stability by providing continuous validation, faster feedback, and reliable results.

Despite its advantages, teams may face challenges:
Addressing these challenges is essential for sustained stability.
To maximize the impact of test automation:
These practices ensure consistent and reliable testing.
Consider a SaaS platform with frequent feature releases.
This highlights the importance of automation in maintaining stability.
Modern tools enhance test automation by:
For example, platforms like Keploy can capture real API interactions and generate test cases, helping teams maintain stability through realistic testing scenarios.
Test automation is a key enabler of software stability in modern development. By providing continuous validation, improving test coverage, and enabling early defect detection, it helps teams maintain reliable and high-quality applications.
In fast-moving environments, stability is not optional – and test automation ensures that systems remain consistent, dependable, and ready for scale.
Certainly a niche problem but if you are using the Cookie AutoDelete addon in your browser you may eventually find yourself waiting for an abnormal amount of “Cloudfare Security Verification” prompts, confirming that you are — supposedly — a human.
That is because your (or rather: your browser's) success in solving their proof-of-work, proof-of-space or other verification mechanisms is usually stored in a cf_clearance cookie. With addons like Cookie AutoDelete or other automated tools for clearing your cookies periodically, you will also end up clearing this cookie, so the next time you visit a given site, it will send you through the turnstile again.
For Cookie AutoDelete there is a fairly simple fix for this, although not available through the addon's settings or UI-based expression generator. You can save the following JSON snippet to a file, go to the List of Expressions in Cookie AutoDelete's settings, and load the file via the Import Expressions button.
{
"default": [
{
"id": "Keep cf_clearance to avoid repeated Cloudflare verification",
"expression": "*",
"listType": "WHITE",
"storeId": "default",
"cookieNames": [
"cf_clearance"
]
}
]
}
This adds the cf_clearance cookie to the global allow list (based on the "*" expression) and it will no longer be deleted.
Of course you can also modify the expression to your needs and narrow the domains it applies to.
from
Rippple's Blog

Stay entertained thanks to our Weekly Tracker giving you next week's Anticipated Movies & Shows, Most Watched & Returning Favorites, and Shows Changes & Popular Trailers.
new Send Help+1 Peaky Blinders: The Immortal Man-2 War Machinenew Project Hail Mary-3 Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Dienew How to Make a Killingnew Hoppersnew GOAT= Scream 7new Mercy= The Pitt= Paradise+3 Invincible= The Rookie= Shrinking+1 High Potentialnew Daredevil: Born Again= Marshals= Monarch: Legacy of Monsters-7 ONE PIECEHi, I'm Kevin 👋. I make apps and I love watching movies and TV shows. If you like what I'm doing, you can buy one of my apps, download and subscribe to Rippple for Trakt or just buy me a ko-fi ☕️.
Silvia querida:
Ojalá puedas leer estas líneas que me salen del alma. Las escribo desde este terrible lugar, con el propósito de que me comprendas y que sepas la verdad de lo que pasó.
Todo fue culpa de tus hermanos, que sabiendo que no bebo me dieron ese licor de frijoles. Yo no sé qué misterio tiene pero me entró directo en las neuronas y vi, primero alucinaciones, y luego claramente la formalización matemática que he buscado todos estos años como director de la Academia.
Sentí que el licor me quemaba la piel, fui quitándome la ropa, arranqué el mantel, lo tiré al suelo y lo que iba anotando con el bolígrafo es, ni más ni menos, la demostración misma de la Gran Unificación, la perseguida Teoría del Todo que vi en mi mente a causa de la intensa sinapsis. A punto de concluir empecé a decir aparentes locuras, noté que me agarraron, me esposaron y del cuartel me trajeron en lancha a la isla, yo no sé con qué cargos, y aquí estoy escribiéndote, pidiendo perdón, a tí, a nuestras familias y a todos los invitados a nuestra boda.
Qué desastre; qué más te voy a decir si casi no me acuerdo nada. Averigua, por favor, dónde está el mantel, espero que no lo hayan lavado ni tirado a la basura.
Silvia, te quiero, eres la mujer de mi vida.
Tuyo, Gilberto
from
ThruxBets
Really enjoyed the start of the flat season yesterday. I always like this time of year when things get going again on Town Moor. The clocks going forward, the lighter evenings, longer days – it all seems to lift people a touch, whether they notice it or not.
Despite that, I didn’t have a bet.
Partly because nothing really appealed, but also because I’m trying to be a bit more focused this flat season. The plan is to narrow things down a bit and spend more time on a specific type of race.
I’m going to concentrate on 4yo+ handicaps over 5f to 1m in class 4, 5 and 6 company. I’ll still be having bets elsewhere when something stands out, but this is where most of the attention will be. Whether it leads to any kind of miniscule edge remains to be seen, but god loves a trier and all that.
So onto Sunday, where there are four races that fit the bill and are worth getting stuck into …
1.47 Doncaster
The opening race on the card and a competitive affair but with six places on offer at several bookies I’m going to chance the Tony Coyle trained EH UP ITS JAZZ. His run LTO can be ignored, it was on the AW (where he is 0/5) and was hopefully a bit of a pipe opener for this. On a workable mark of 67 (has placed off the same and won off 64) and is 221122 in class 5 company on the turf.
EH UP ITS JAZZ // 0.5pts E/W @ 10/1 (6 places) Paddy Power (BOG)
3.30 Doncaster
I couldn’t unpick the first division of this race, so have left that alone. The second however looks a bit more of a betting medium and I’m going to chance Jamie Osborne’s EPICTETUS in it. He’s 0/8 on the AW so I’m discounting all his winter runs, and doing that takes us back to his turf from where he was contesting valuable class 2 handicaps. Admitedly – bar one placed effort at Goodwood – he didn’t really ever land a blow but these were much better races. Should strip fitter than many of his rivals here today and the drop back to 7f should pose no problems. Looks to have a very decent chance.
EPICTETUS // 0.5pts E/W @ 7/1 (4 places) Coral (BOG)
5.50 Doncaster
Charlie Mason looks to have a really good chance but at 4/1 looks really short to me. So a chance is taken on JUAN LE PINS at slightly more generous who came back to form a couple of weeks ago and won LTO at Newcastle. The return to turf shouldn’t inconvience him and is today actually off a mark 5lbs lower than his best runs last summer, in an easier race, so you’d think he’d be competitive. Just hope the ground doens’t get any softer.
JUAN LE PINS // 0.5pts E/W @ 7/1 (4 places) William Hill (BOG)
from An Open Letter
I had an absolutely wonderful day today, I got a full set of drums! Along with a ton of other instruments for my band. I also went to LA for a leap concert, and it was absolutely fucking phenomenal. I got a vinyl signed by all of the members, and photos and got to talk with all of them. On my drive home after watching a video on the benefits of loneliness, I decided to raw dog the rest of my ride home, so I spent 40 minutes with no music or anything like that and I just thought and it was incredibly peaceful.
from 下川友
旅行先で、母親へのお土産にバームクーヘンを買った。 これまで誕生日でさえ母にプレゼントをしたことがなかったので、 自然とそうしている自分に少し驚き、そして安心した。 義務ではなく、表でそれをやっている。
車で実家へ向かう。 かつて自分が子どもだった頃に大人たちがしていた振る舞いを、今の自分が自然にやっていることに気づき、 寿命が近づいてくるのを感じる。 実家ではお土産を渡し、1時間ほど雑談をした。 空気の中にそのまま溶けていくような、自然な会話だった。
翌日は妻と花見に行った。 毎年訪れている砧公園だ。 出会ったばかりの頃は電車で行っていたが、車を買ってからは車で向かうようになった。 砧公園の入り口は桜がすでに満開なのだが、そこはまだ砧公園の本質ではない。 一の橋と書かれた橋を渡った先に、さらに美しい景色が広がっていて、 俺たちはそこを天国と呼んでいる。
その場所にレジャーシートを広げ、買ってきたスタバのウインナーロールと ダークモカチップフラペチーノを飲む。 普段はスターバックスラテだが、こういう特別な日にはフラペチーノを選ぶ。 今年の花見は、例年よりも気温がずっと暖かかった。
妻は会社を辞めるので、帰りに自由が丘で会社の人たちへのお礼のお菓子を買った。 こうして妻と車で移動しながら、好きな場所へ気ままに行ける生活は、 自分が送りたいと思っていた生活の一部だ。 これからも続けていきたい。 家での時間と、車での移動が自分にとっての理想の暮らしだ。
今の仕事では在宅勤務ができないので、明日からまた転職活動を頑張る。 転職用の成果物を作るのは、自分の能力より一段階上のことに挑む感覚があって、 精神的にはしんどい日々が続く。 それでも踏ん張るしかない。
from
Talk to Fa
My mind and heart are dancing in harmony. My body feels warm, and I have been crying more. This started after the encounter with the horseman from the valley. As we rode our horses around the ancient rocks, he sang a Navajo song about the air we breathe. His grandma, a singer and herbalist, taught him the song. I felt incredibly touched and humbled. The next day, I hiked in the biggest wind I’d ever felt. It was as if the air song called in all the winds. I felt the power throughout my body, from head to toes to my fingertips. Later, he sent me a couple of songs he sang. One of them vibrated in my heart, and the other in my throat, third eye, and head. It was a visceral experience. I felt it immediately — the healing, the opening and softening of the heart, and the remembrance of the soul.

from iris-harbor
There's a part of me that's locked away She's screaming and crying and trying to escape She's pulling her hair and clawing her eyes out She's crushing her ears beneath her hands as if this could take away her anguish of drown out the memories
The memories I cannot remember but she cannot escape She protects me at the cost of herself Screaming, crying, thrashing She can't get away
She's trapped in a prison of torment and agony Anytime I come near, she drives me mad with her screaming I can't let her out, can't even crack the door Letting her out would destroy me She's like the worst hurricane and firestorm combined A swirling vortex of terror
She's buried deep within me So deep I forgot she existed Until one day, there she was I was staring right at her through the bomb proof glass The part of me that's been buried for so many years
She's terrified and terrifying She won't survive in there In that prison cell of horror But I won't survive her if her storm is released
She's clawing and fighting and screaming and thrashing The horrifying memories filling every minuscule space of her reality They replay on repeat
A storming vortex of violence and violation A black hole of torture and torment She can't escape But how could I save her without destroying me?
We're trapped