Désormais plus ouvert, j'ai vu s'allumer un feu; vert ! L'incendie de mes émotions est quasi sous contrôle.

Des sabliers, j'en ai retournés depuis ma venue au monde et la terre est toujours ronde. N'en déplaise aux platistes, je me dis que finalement, la vie pourrait être fantastique.

Des mes oreilles à mon cerveau, le chemin commence à se dégager, pas facile de nettoyer la boue accumulée. Je suis enfin plus à l'écoute mais, Dieu que ça me coûte. Pas si simple d'être attentif au battement de leurs cœurs. Il me faut leur faire oublier mes erreurs. Se concentrer sur eux, leurs récits, joies et heurts.

Encore fatigué, j'essaie d'être comme les tomates, concentré. Mais souvent, j'ai plutôt l'impression d'être broyé. L'exercice me coûte, mais pourtant, Je découvre de nouvelles saveurs, pour leur plus grand bonheur. L'appétit vient en mangeant, alors, enfin, à tout je goûte.

Mon infirmier a souligné un point, J'ai gagné en sérénité et si j'ai rangé mes poings, Ils restent à proximité, J'espère un jour les égarer.

A petits pas, on essaie de progresser, comme des animaux sauvages on doit s'apprivoiser. Un soleil intérieur doit à nouveau briller, sa chaleur intense devrait me faire fondre. Plus de quinze kilos, de quoi se graisser les doigts. Plus de quinze kilos, je porte un sac de sable sur moi. Plus de quinze kilos de trop, ma foi.

Des poils masquent ma bouche; il est temps de les tondre, Un premier geste pour redorer l'image de soit : la confiance reviendra.

Dans son tiroir, un dictaphone, une touche : reset. Comme j’aimerais avoir la même pour ma tête…

Bien des bilans comptables sont moins complexes. Celui de ma vie couvre plus de quatre décennies... Un bordel infini ! Rien n'a jamais été rangé, Des feuilles volantes, des avions en papiers. Des classeurs non fermés, des dossiers non triés. Que garder, que jeter ? Dans ce fouillis, je sais que sur eux, je peux compter. Je me plonge dans leurs yeux et j'en suis sûr, Ça va m'aider.

J'ai vidé l'encre noire de mes idées, dans l'évier. J'ai bien rincé, de l'eau j'en ai fait couler. Pour écrire un nouveau futur, plus sûr. Inspiré, je sort les crayons de couleurs, Je vais tout recouvrir, même leurs peurs.

Deux ans avant, la mort sur moi rôdait. Comme sur un champ de bataille, mon âme semblait s'élever. Disparaitre me semblait la meilleure chose à faire. Depuis c'est l'envie de vieillir tard dont je fais mon affaire.

#santémentale #psychiatrie #thérapie #poésie

I won this server-based correspondence chess club game playing Black a few minutes ago with a basic 2 Rooks Checkmate. Is this the first combination checkmate everyone learns? I remember learning it as a young boy from my father nearly seventy years ago, and thinking then it was the coolest thing! I still smile every time I use it. :)

The graphic near the top of this post shows the position of pieces on our board at game's end. Our full move record follows: 1. e4 a6 2. Nf3 Nc6 3. Nc3 e5 4. a3 Nf6 5. d3 h6 6. Nd5 Nxd5 7. exd5 Nd4 8. Nxd4 exd4 9. Qe2+ Qe7 10. Kd1 Qxe2+ 11. Bxe2 Bc5 12. b4 Bb6 13. Bh5 g6 14. Bg4 h5 15. Bf3 O-O 16. Re1 c5 17. bxc5 Bxc5 18. g3 b6 19. Re7 Bxe7 20. Bh6 Re8 21. a4 Kh7 22. Bf4 Bb7 23. Rb1 Bc5 24. Bg5 Re5 25. Bf6 Rf5 26. Be5 Rxe5 27. a5 b5 28. g4 Rae8 29. Kd2 Bxd5 30. Bd1 f5 31. gxh5 Re5e6 32. h4 Be7 33. hxg6+ Kxg6 34. h5+ Kh6 35. c4 Bg2 36. f4 Rg8 37. cxb5 Bd5 38. b6 Rb8 39. Ba4 Bc6 40. Bb3 d5 41. Rg1 Kxh5 42. Bd1+ Kh6 43. Rh1+ Kg7 44. Rh5 Rf8 45. Rh1 Rh8 46. Rg1+ Kf8 47. Bf3 Bb4+ 48. Kc2 Rh2+ 49. Kb3 Bxa5 50. Rg5 Rf6 51. Rg1 Bxb6 52. Ra1 a5 53. Rc1 Bd7 54. Bxd5 Rd6 55. Bc4 a4+ 56. Kb4 Rh4 57. Rf1 Bd8 58. Kc5 Rc6+ 59. Kd5 Bf6 60. Re1 Rxf4 61. Bb5 Rc7 62. Ba6 Ra7 63. Bc4 a3 64. Ba2 Rf2 65. Ra1 Ra5+ 66. Kd6 Be8 67. Ke6 Ra6+ 68. Kd5 Bf7+ 69. Kc5 Rc2+ 70. Kb5 Ra8 71. Bb1 Rb2+ 72. Kc6 Ra6+ 73. Kc7 Be5+ 74. Kc8 Be6+ 75. Kd8 Bf6+ 76. Kc7 Rb5 77. Ba2 f4 78. Bxe6 Rxe6 79. Rxa3 Be5+ 80. Kd7 Kf7 81.Kc8 Ke7 82. Ra7+ Kf6 83. Rh7 f3 84. Rh6+ Kf5 85. Rh5+ Kf4 86. Rh4+ Ke3 87. Rh3 Rd5 88. Rh1 Rc6+ 89. Kb7 Rc3 90. Re1+ Kxd3 91. Rd1+ Kc2 92. Rh1 Rb5+ 93. Ka6 Rb1 94. Rh5 Ra3# 0-1

And the adventure does continue.

If it’s outside the wheel of God…

https://youtu.be/uNB718kWSL8?si=Es_ZXHTaJPIafyyd

Revelation 14/7.

I have a neighbor who is kind. He says the way I am is fine. He is a minister like you! He has a pretty different view.

Fred Rogers says he’s proud of me. No matter what, I am worthy. He likes me just the way I am. You say I can’t, he says I can.

Fuck Fred. bonehead, drop dead. spoon-fed, hi-bred, unread, misled, brain dead.

You told me he would go to hell, that didn’t feel true. When I asked, your voice, it “SHoOoOoK” the room I quietly agreed with you.

I once said church was boring, That they yell too much, it’s loud. You warned me I’d wake up alone, Our family high above the clouds.

I didn’t dare to speak aloud: “I think I’m gay” “That isn’t kind! Adopting me: a choice, you made. I couldn’t risk to change your mind.

I couldn’t risk abandonment for wondering why: “I couldn’t?” So I learned to not ask questions, “But why not?” “You simply shouldn’t!”

Some mornings when I would wake up, and no one else was there, I’d panic that God knew the truth, That my life would not be spared.

To watch the movie LEFT BEHIND, When you are eight, “well almost nine” It’s scarier than any horror. Your family’s gone. You will be slaughtered!

Your choices: burn or guillotine To pay for your worst sins. If you are GAY or don’t fear GOD The pearly gates won’t let you in!

Instead your left to burn in hell. Because? You lied or wouldn’t tell. Because? You didn’t clean your room. Because? You were bad from the womb.

You were not born like all of us, Believing what you’re told. You ask to many questions. Your mind is far to bold.

Shut up, don’t speak. You stupid freak. What’s wrong with you? Do what we do! Why are you here? Let’s smear the queer. You don’t belong. You’re wrong wrong WRONG!

It doesn’t matter if you’re kind, Or wait for those who fall b e hind, Or generous to every cause, There is only ONE essential law: Do not take the L O R D in vain. Don’t disagree or you’ll be slain. Obey your master up above. Fear and compliance = love.

Why all the stupid things you ask? Please stop talking, wear this mask. Children should be seen not heard. Children must O B E Y God’s word.

A child will suffer if they rebel. Endless pain, eternal H E L L So do exactly as your told. Why must you be so brainless? bold?

Stop asking why, please just comply. Who don’t believe, deserve to die. So eat your dinner, do not lie. Or you’ll wake up and wonder why: Where did all my family go? above, We’re up you’re down

below!

Get in this box, and be like us. Why do you have to make a fuss? We are right, and you are wrong. You don’t believe, you don’t belong.

~N~

Every descent into ruin begins with forgetting who we are.

---

NARRATOR

The vision that Isaiah the son of Amoz saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem in the days of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah, kings of Judah.

---

JEHOVAH

Hear, O heavens, and pay attention, O earth, For Jehovah has spoken: “Sons I have brought up and raised, But they have revolted against m

A bull well knows its buyer, And a donkey the manger of its owner; But Israel does not know me, My own people do not behave with understanding.

Woe to the sinful nation, The people weighed down with error, A brood of wicked men, corrupt children! They have abandoned Jehovah; They have treated the Holy One of Israel with disrespect; They have turned their backs on him.

Where will you be struck next as you add to your rebellion? The whole head is sick, And the whole heart is diseased.

From the sole of the foot to the head, nothing is healthy. There are wounds and bruises and open sores— They have not been treated or bound up or softened with oil.

Your land is desolate. Your cities are burned with fire. Foreigners devour your land right in front of you. It is like a wasteland overthrown by foreigners.

The daughter of Zion has been left like a shelter in a vineyard, Like a hut in a cucumber field, Like a city under siege.

Unless Jehovah of armies had left us a few survivors, We should have become like Sodom, And we should have resembled Gomorrah.

Hear the word of Jehovah, you dictators of Sodom. Pay attention to the law of our God, you people of Gomorrah.

Of what benefit to me are your many sacrifices?” says Jehovah. “I have had enough of your burnt offerings of rams And the fat of well-fed animals, And I have no delight in the blood of young bulls and lambs and goats.

When you come to appear before me, Who has required this from you, This trampling of my courtyards?

Stop bringing in any more worthless grain offerings. Your incense is detestable to me. New moons, sabbaths, the calling of conventions— I cannot put up with the use of magical power along with your solemn assembly.

I have hated your new moons and your festivals. They have become a burden to me; I am tired of bearing them.

And when you spread out your palms, I hide my eyes from you. Although you offer many prayers, I am not listening; Your hands are filled with blood.

Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; Remove your evil deeds from my sight; Stop doing bad. Learn to do good, seek justice, Correct the oppressor, Defend the rights of the fatherless child, And plead the cause of the widow.

Come, now, and let us set matters straight between us,” says Jehovah. “Though your sins are like scarlet, They will be made as white as snow; Though they are as red as crimson cloth, They will become like wool.

If you show willingness and listen, You will eat the good things of the land. But if you refuse and rebel, You will be devoured by the sword, For the mouth of Jehovah has spoken it.”

---

NARRATOR

How the faithful city has become a prostitute! She was full of justice; Righteousness used to lodge in her, But now murderers.

Your silver has become dross, And your beer is diluted with water.

Your princes are stubborn and partners with thieves. Every one of them loves a bribe and chases after gifts. They do not grant justice to the fatherless, And the legal case of the widow never reaches them.

---

JEHOVAH

“Ah! I will rid myself of my adversaries, And I will take revenge on my enemies.

I will turn my hand against you, I will smelt away your dross as with lye, And I will remove all your impurities.

I will restore your judges as in the beginning And your advisers as at the start. After this you will be called City of Righteousness, Faithful Town.

With justice Zion will be redeemed, And her people who return, with righteousness.

The rebels and the sinners will be broken together, And those leaving Jehovah will come to their finish.

For they will be ashamed of the mighty trees that you desired, And you will be disgraced because of the gardens that you chose.

For you will become like a big tree with withering leaves, And like a garden without water.

The strong man will become tow, And his work a spark; Both of them will go up in flames together, With no one to extinguish them.”

---

NARRATOR

This is what Isaiah the son of Amoz saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem:

In the final part of the days, The mountain of the house of Jehovah Will become firmly established above the top of the mountains, And it will be raised up above the hills, And to it all the nations will stream.

And many peoples will go and say: “Come, let us go up to the mountain of Jehovah, To the house of the God of Jacob. He will instruct us about his ways, And we will walk in his paths.” For law will go out of Zion, And the word of Jehovah out of Jerusalem.

He will render judgment among the nations And set matters straight respecting many peoples. They will beat their swords into plowshares And their spears into pruning shears. Nation will not lift up sword against nation, Nor will they learn war anymore.

O house of Jacob, come, Let us walk in the light of Jehovah.

For you have forsaken your people, the house of Jacob, Because they have become full of things from the East; They practice magic like the Philistines, And they abound with the children of foreigners.

Their land is filled with silver and gold, And there is no limit to their treasures. Their land is filled with horses, And there is no limit to their chariots.

Their land is filled with worthless gods. They bow down to the work of their own hands, To what their own fingers have made. So man bows down—he becomes low— And you cannot possibly pardon them.

Enter into the rock and hide yourself in the dust Because of the terrifying presence of Jehovah And his majestic splendor.

The haughty eyes of man will be brought low, And the arrogance of men will bow down. Jehovah alone will be exalted in that day.

For it is the day belonging to Jehovah of armies. It is coming upon everyone who is haughty and lofty, Upon everyone, whether exalted or lowly, Upon all the cedars of Lebanon that are lofty and exalted And upon all the oaks of Bashan, Upon all the lofty mountains And upon all the high hills, Upon every high tower and every fortified wall, Upon all the ships of Tarshish And upon all desirable boats.

Man’s haughtiness will be brought down, And the arrogance of men will bow low. Jehovah alone will be exalted in that day. The worthless gods will completely disappear.

And people will enter into the caves of the rocks And into the holes in the ground Because of the terrifying presence of Jehovah And his majestic splendor When he arises to make the earth tremble in terror.

In that day men will take their worthless gods of silver and of gold That they had made for themselves to bow down to And throw them away to the shrewmice and to the bats, In order to enter into the holes in the rocks And into the clefts of the crags Because of the terrifying presence of Jehovah And his majestic splendor When he arises to make the earth tremble in terror.

For your own sakes, quit trusting in mere man,
Who is only the breath in his nostrils.
Why should he be taken into account?

---

#bible #isaiah #audiobook #reading

---

Modern English 1982

I don’t know what it is about this song, but it has lived in my head and heart for 40 years. It’s a story of being so absolutely sotted with a soul, that it all just melts away.

Who wouldn’t want that?

Complete abandon, trust, longing, want. Absolute acceptance.

It’s playing on the radio right now, while I wait in the car. It’s making me really kind of sad—wistful maybe.

Thing is, there are really beautiful sentiments. Some experiences I've certainly had. Some of these things I don’t think I’ll ever get to experience.

That’s not fair. Of course I will never not get to.

But.

Making love to you was never second best—for a variety of reasons that lands in me.

I see the world thrashing all around your face—

I think I never really understood this lyric… right now it’s hitting as: the world is turmoil but there is an island of calm. This face brings peace and harmony-safety, belief, trust. Not out of obligation or loyalty, but karmic chemistry.

I'll stop the world and melt with you

This is a place I’ve been. In person and in imagination—for a time just being out of time and place. More of the woe-displacement. For you. With you.

Trapped in the state of imaginary grace

Limerence, an elevated existence. More just wanting to be out of time. Out of place. Apart from a world that is only concerned with art, beauty and love in regards to how much income it can generate.

I made a pilgrimage to save this humans race

Of course, ME’s intent is for the speaker to make his pilgrimage to her, to save himself. I've always heard it as my own pilgrimage to save this human's race. Possessive, to save my people. A life spent with the express intent to save as many who wish it.

Never comprehending the race had long gone by

In the process, I think—I think I worry I may have lost my own race. This is as yet unresolved. But wolf's doing his damnest, he's still melting, still finding grace and the pilgrimage— maybe it's not an end, but stops along the way. The pilgrimage is the journey, one that never ends, but demands experiencing.

You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time

I see some changes and I guess life is getting better. Certainly aspects are much improved. But other pieces of me, parts that got away in the stream of time and want back... they feel like less improvement and more loss. But, perhaps the point is that you can't advance without loss. Only ever keeping what we have, good or bad, doesn't leave room for the new. Doors close and doors open. I don’t know, but that seems to be the nature of life.

I'll stop the world and melt with you

The future's open wide

ME herald's the call, the declaration over and over. Longing want? Or expressed intent? Maybe they're saying, what-the-hell-ever comes, I'm always going to have this—if you're here with me or not—the melting is what I have. It's what I give. It's what I want.

After all, the future's wide open.

And maybe that’s the truth I keep circling: the world won’t actually stop, not for me, not for anyone. But every once in a rare while, something — a face, a memory, a song from 1982 drifting through a car radio on an ordinary day — reminds me that melting is still possible.

That the part of me built for surrender, for dissolving into another soul, hasn’t gone extinct. The race isn’t lost. Maybe it was never a race to begin with. Maybe it’s just a long pilgrimage toward the few moments where everything unnecessary falls away and what remains is simple, human, incandescent connection. And if those moments still exist, then so do I.

---

---

Moving forwards, using all my breath

Making love to you was never second best

I saw the world thrashing all around your face

Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace

I'll stop the world and melt with you

You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time

There's nothing you and I won't do

I'll stop the world and melt with you

Dream of better lives the kind which never hate

Trapped in the state of imaginary grace

I made a pilgrimage to save this humans race

Never comprehending the race had long gone by

I'll stop the world and melt with you

You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time

There's nothing you and I won't do

I'll stop the world and melt with you

The future's open wide

The future's open wide

I'll stop the world and melt with you

I've seen some changes but it's getting better all the time

There's nothing you and I won't do

I'll stop the world and melt with you

The future's open wide

I'll stop the world and melt with you

You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time

There's nothing you and I won't do

I'll stop the world and melt with you

I'll stop the world and melt with you

I'll stop the world and melt with you

I'll stop the world and melt with you

I'll stop the world and melt with you

VVA miniserie Therapeutische Stukjes

(Deel 1 van 1)

Nog geen week geleden begon dit hele proces. Ik had iets gehoord over een stand van zaken, omstandigheden iets voor een reactie maar ik zat daar, dronk mijn oplos koffie en pas toen ik op zoek ging naar een homp koek drong het door 'Ik vind er niets van' Ik schrok behoorlijk want ik vind overal iets van. Dat is voor ons type als de natte neus van een hond, blijft dit effect na een oorzaak en een gevolg uit dan is er iets goed mis.

Meteen zat ik en zak en as, mijn leven was van een nieuwe hardcover voor de volle prijs gekocht in een echte boekenwinkel veranderd in een beduimeld exemplaar bij een kringloop winkel voor alles en ook wel eens een boekje. Het boek was qua inhoud hetzelfde maar toch helemaal anders. “Vreselijk!” citeerde ik de auteur Hubert Schimmelpenninck, onterecht onbekend gebleven, hiermee uitdrukking gevend hoe ik me op dat moment voelde. Het besef drong meteen diep door, ik zag het zelfs in de spiegel van de ziel van anderen, in hun pupillen, het klonk door in het timbre van elke stem, ik was niet langer de beste versie van mezelf nu ik zomaar op eens ergens niks van vond.

Ik had dringend hulp nodig. Ik sloeg de gouden gids open op zoek naar kennis uit het verleden en heden over mijn soort onthutsend gedrag, aanstootgevend was het zowaar ik u brom. In de gids vond ik diverse kenners op alle gebieden waaronder ook Helers gespecialiseerd in tijdelijke onverschilligheid [aanbevolen] Ik zocht naar sterren, tekens der beoordeling des waardige tijds, zodat ik de beste heler uit de reeks kon inhuren. In de papieren versie stond niks maar eenmaal aangelijnd waren er meer dan voldoende meningen over deze categorie helers te vinden. Het waren allemaal prima mensen, vak lui, met een zekere staat van dienst, dat zag ik zo, niks dan lof, zelfs al waren ze dat niet, of minder goed dan uitstekend, de nood was inmiddels zo hoog dat ik een bijna vier sterretjes therapeut gewoon wel moest accepteren. Gelukkig kon ik terecht bij iemand met bijna 5 sterren, de laatste ster was net niet tot de rand toe gevuld.

Een uur daarna had ik een afspraak voor de dag daarna, De van alles wat iets wetende man had de ernst van de situatie ingezien en alle andere afspraken naar achteren geschoven. Ergens niets van vinden is in ons reactief leven vergelijkbaar met een zwaar ongeval op de weg voor de EHBO, hele hoge nood.

DE dag daarop zat ik tegen over de therapeut, Hein, een broodmagere man, een afgetrainde duurloper waarschijnlijk en deed mijn verhaal. Hein luisterde aandachtig. Ik vertelde dat ik de radio aan had gezet en er een bericht was over een situatie in een regio op een bepaald vakgebied en dat ik amper luisterde en enkel genoot van mijn bakje oploskoffie, mijn stem brak toen ik de boodschap overbracht. De therapeut keek verschrikt, zuchtte diep, daarna deed hij snel zijn hand voor de mond, een heler mag dergelijke emoties nooit tonen aan een cliënt maar soms is het te erg. Ik kon ook zien dat Hein eigenlijk onbedaarlijk wou huilen in plaats daarvan ging hij op de vloer liggen en ademde een paar minuten diep in en uit tot kalmte was herwonnen.

Hij zei “Mijn excuses, ik had gehoopt op een minder moeilijke situatie, eentje waar ik geen nachtje over moet slapen, helaas.” Ik bood daarop mijn excuses aan en hij accepteerde deze schoorvoetend. Hij trok zijn vlinderdasje recht, rechte zijn schouders met een waterpas en sprak op gemaakt lijzige toon “U moet weten dat ik altijd mijn uiterste best doe om mensen te helpen maar ik doe geen belofte aan niemand niet, ik weet niet zeker of ik kan zorgen dat u na deze kuur nooit weer tegen iets aan loopt waar u niets van vindt echter in de meeste gevallen slaag ik er in om dit voor een zeer lange periode te voorkomen” Ik vond dit geruststellend en zei dat ook. Hein knikte waarmee hij aangaf dat ik werd gehoord. Dat deed me goed, zo vaak komt dat niet voor. Ik besloot daar gebruik van te maken door nog iets te zeggen “De crisis situatie bij Ajax gaat me na aan het hart!” Ook dit veroorzaakte een duidelijke reactie, hij drong er echter op aan om hem de ruimte te geven zijn werkplan voor mijn euvel te vertellen, uitleggen wat ik en hij allemaal moesten doen om voor op het goden gouden paadje over de tienbaans snelweg rijden zo snel mogelijk weg van OZ en zijn miniseries, het omroepland van onverschillige zaken. Nu was het mijn beurt om te knikken, en ik besloot meteen mijn kwek te houden over Ajax.

Hein liep naar een digitaal bord aangesloten op zijn mobiele telefoon. Hij liet een punt zien op een heel wit vlak en sprak “Dit is waar u zich bevindt” vervolgens liet hij een kaart van Smægmå zien en zei dit is waar we zo snel als mogelijk terug naar toe gaan. “Goden zij dank” citeerde ik weer Hubert Schimmelpenninck, mijn favoriete auteur voor citeren, zijn taal is altijd zo helder en eenvoudig, echt iemand die bij de essentie blijft en niet voortdurend afdwalen naar regionen die niks te maken hebben met hele verhaal, gewoon taal om taal te maken, daar vind ik namelijk ook niks aan.

“U bent vorige week in het nergens terecht gekomen. Het is aan mij om te ontdekken waarom maar we moeten eerst en vooral denken aan de toekomst. Het vinden van de oorzaak is niet per c noodzakelijk om het euvel in de nabije toekomst te voorkomen. Het is echter mijn taak om alles tot de bodem uit te zoek, de onderste steen van het fundament boven halen en als dat eenmaal klaar is een ander meer opleverend bouwwerk neerzetten.” Ik knikte heel erg. Hein ging voort. Op het grote scherm liet hij al pratende en wijzende zijn plan voor mij zien en vertelde daarover. “U gaat van A naar Beter, laat u niet van de wijs brengen door alle afleidingen en afslagen, gaat vermetel voort naar u doel, daar waar de rivier der eeuwige verschilligheid, betrokkenheid stroomt als een wilde en alle mensen meesleept naar het intens grote geluk der voortdurende communicatie, discussie en oproer. Het paradijs waar u sinds vorige week uit bent verstoten.” Nou ik stond op uit mijn grote luie stoel en gaf Hein een daverend ovatie, ik was om, tot nu toe dacht ik dat mijn probleem zelfs te groot was voor een zo goed als vijf sterren therapeut. Niks is minder waar.

Om daar te komen moeten we iedere week samen een paar uur doorbrengen, uw verplichte verzekering betaalt mij, eveneens verplicht, en ik praat dan tegen u, toon u het goede beeld onder andere op dit scherm en dat net zolang u het zich kunt veroorloven en tevens tot u weer 'daar' bent, wederom verscheen de kaart van Smægmå op het scherm. Ik was blij verheugd dat ik iemand had gevonden die dit voor mij over had, die iedere week een paar uur met mij door wou brengen en praten over dingen die mij nu niet bezig houden in verband met die kwalijke onverschilligheid maar er dan weer toe doen en dat we dit allemaal samen doen met mijn verzekeraar en zo zij hij dat is in feite iedereen daar, weer wijzend op de land kaart en vooral op alle bewoonde gebieden. De rest voegt verdomd weinig toe aan de staatskas en dergelijke. Al die bomen, grassen, dat water en die lucht, daar heb je verder helemaal niks aan. Hein vond overal het zijne van, dat was goed om te horen en zien, een heerlijke uitgesproken persoonlijkheid, een man van het woord met oordelen over alles uit zijn mond naar voren gebracht met alle woorden in zijn hersenen aanwezig, geweldige ervaring. Zo wou ik ook weer zijn. Ik zag ook dat het geluk bij hem er van af straalde.

Na anderhalf uur zo aanhoren wat ik allemaal moest doen en wanneer moest ik weer naar huis. Ik was een beetje huiverig dat ik daar zo meteen waarschijnlijk een moment van de dag weer op een stoel of bank zou zitten, iets zien en horen en daar dan niks vinden. Het kon altijd ooit op ieder moment van een etmaal waarheid worden, een rilling liep over en of door mijn lijf door die gedachte of misschien ook wel door de kou terwijl ik door de kou fietste van stad terug naar het dorp. Thuis gekomen volgde ik het advies van Hein en deed er alles aan om te voorkomen dat ik ergens niets van kon vinden. Ik zag een plant met een dor blaadje en zei 'Daar maak ik notitie van', ik keek naar de muur, en zei 'mooi, mooi, lekker dicht' en zo voort alsmaar bevestigend dat het er was en dat ik daar was om er iets van te vinden net zo lang alles weer normaal was op de wereld. Ieder uur deed ik digitaal verslag van mijn vorderingen op de Hein Verbeter je Wereld Applicatie, zodat hij de data die ik aanmaakte kon analyseren en we deze volgende week konden gaan bespreken. Heerlijk, al die vorderingen zei ik tegen de App, ik gaf het een 8 op een lijn van 10, dat zou de nodige gespreksstoffen opleveren, dat weet ik zeker.

Sindsdien weet ik dat ik aan mezelf moet blijven werken zodat ik een beter mens ben dan ik was en nu nog ben, opdat de wereld zich aan mij zal tonen en eenmaal daar dit dan blijft doen. Echt daar vind ik wat van en zo hoort dat.

V Dědolesu bydlel dědek jménem Prdelojza Mezera. Byl to obyčejný dědek. Měl prdel, pantofle, světničku a strach ze sov. Ne z normálních sov. Z prdelatých sov, těch, co lítají nízko, funí a dělají podivné zvuky mezi prdelí a píšťalou.

Prdelojza si byl jistý, že jednou v noci přiletí. A samozřejmě měla pravdu jeho prdel – vždycky to poznala první.

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🌙 Noc, kdy začalo šustění

Jednou večer seděl Prdelojza u stolu, pil si čaj a snažil se ignorovat prdel, která ho varovala tichým plop. Vítr nefoukal. Vesnice spala. Ale u okna se ozvalo šššš… šššš… jako když se sova snaží být nenápadná, i když váží jako menší kozel.

Prdelojza se přikrčil. „To nic nebude,“ šeptal si. Prdel mu odpověděla hlubokým brrrrp. Varování.

A pak to přišlo.

—

Najednou se na okenici objevila obří prdel. Chlupatá, kulatá, přimáčklá na sklo jako mokrý chleba.

Sova funěla, tlačila půlkami na okno a dělala zvuk, který připomínal křížence mezi hřměním a dědkem na záchodě. Prdelojza vytřeštil oči a snažil se nevydat ani hlásek. Vlezl si tiše pod postel a ani nedutal. Vzpomněl si, že okno úplně pevně nedovřel.

Pak sova zaprděla.

Sklo zamlželo. Rámečky zaskřípaly. A Prdelojzovi došlo, že pokud něco okamžitě neudělá, ta sova se protlačí dovnitř jak teplý rohlík do kapes. Ale strach ho přimrazil prdelí k podlaze pod postelí.

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😱 Sova vtrhne dovnitř

Okenice povolily.

Sova prolétla světničkou prdelí napřed, srazila hrnek, převrátila lavici a přistála na peřině. Působila jako zlo v peří. Svítila očima, funěla a její prdel vydávala nízké dunění, které slibovalo, že tohle neskončí dobře.

Prdelojza zařval. Prdel mu málem spadla strachy.

A pak… se ozvalo zpoza dveří nenápadné šustnutí.

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🦡 Vstupuje jezevec

Do světničky nakráčel jezevec od sousední nory. Žádný mýtus, žádný hrdina — prostě obyčejný jezevec, co spal, dokud ho neprobudil soví smrad.

Postavil se, zavrčel… a rozběhl se přímo proti sově.

Zahryzl se jí rovnou do prdele. Sova zařvala, vyletěla vzhůru, narazila do stropu, pak do kredence a nakonec oknem pryč, nechávajíc po sobě jen peří a trauma.

Jezevec si odfrkl, otočil se na Prdelojzu a pohledem mu jasně sdělil: „Zavři si příště okno, idiote.“

A zmizel zpět do nory.

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💤 Po boji

Prdelojza celou noc nezamhouřil oko. Světnička smrděla sovím strachem a kousancem jezevce.

Ale byl vděčný. Sově, že odešla. Jezevci, že přišel. A prdeli, že ho varovala.

Od té noci spal s okny zavřenými. A pod stolem nechával mísek s pamlskem, kdyby se jezevec rozhodl zase jednou zachránit situaci.

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Poučení:

Když ti prdel řekne, že přiletí sova, tak přiletí. Neignoruj vlastní zadek.

cuando empezó a comer esa fruta pulposa / blanca se dió cuenta que no sabía exactamente si era chirimoya anona o guanábana pero lo que dejó fue simple / un semillero en el plato

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Since 2012, Pat McCarthy , an Irishman, has supported over 25,000 rural Chinese students and encourages overseas Chinese to support their roots through educational giving.

As an Irish philanthropist living in China, Patrick McCarthy’s journey did not begin in boardrooms or conference halls, but in rural villages, modest classrooms, and in the quiet determination of children sitting at worn wooden desks, dreaming of futures they could barely imagine.

Through the work of the Ireland Sino Institute (爱尔兰中国研究院), a registered non-profit organisation dedicated to education, charity, cultural exchange, and community upliftment, McCarthy has helped serve more than 25,000 rural students across China over the past decade. Many of these children had never spoken to a foreigner, never owned an English book, and never stepped outside their county — yet in them, he observed the same spark, intelligence, and dreams that exist in children everywhere.

He has also met many Chinese nationals now living overseas — in Ireland, Europe, North America, Australia, and beyond — individuals who have become business owners, doctors, engineers, artists, academics, entrepreneurs, parents, and community leaders. Despite their distance from home, they continue to carry China with them in their language, values, work ethic, and in their hearts.

However, distance can be a powerful force. As life becomes busy and new responsibilities take hold, the connection to home can grow quieter, and roots that once felt strong can slowly fade into memory.

Pictured above is Zhang Chang, the wife of Pat McCarthy, teaching rural Chinese students in Liaoning Province, China.

Today, Patrick McCarthy extends a gentle invitation to overseas Chinese communities around the world.

He encourages individuals to remember where they came from — the teachers who guided them, the grandparents who sacrificed for them, and the villages and cities that shaped their earliest sense of identity. In whatever way is possible, he believes there is an opportunity to give something back.

Giving, he explains, is not only about money. It can take many forms: helping a rural student to continue their education, donating books to a small school, funding a scholarship for a child whose parents work far from home, joining a video call to encourage a classroom, or sharing professional knowledge with young people in need of guidance. Even a small, sincere gesture, he notes, can change the direction of a life.

Through the work of the Ireland Sino Institute (爱尔兰中国研究院), libraries have been built, teachers supported, learning materials provided, speech festivals organised, cultural exchange opportunities created, and communities stood beside in times of need. McCarthy has witnessed firsthand the moment when children realise that someone, somewhere in the world, believes in them — and how that belief can ignite confidence and hope.

While China’s remarkable rise has inspired the world, he acknowledges that in some quieter corners of the country there are still children whose potential is waiting to be recognised. Those efforts to support them, he believes, can carry the spirit of overseas Chinese who have never forgotten where they came from.

By giving back, individuals are not only contributing to China’s future — they are also honouring their own personal journeys. In doing so, they strengthen an invisible bridge between the person they once were and the person they have become, and they show the next generation that success is measured not only in wealth or status, but in compassion, responsibility, and remembrance.

If there remains even a small inner voice calling people back to their roots, McCarthy encourages them to listen, to reconnect, and to take the first step. He believes that lasting, meaningful change is created through collective action and shared purpose.

The Ireland Sino Institute’s registered non-profit school in China, I Love Learning Education Centre, was established to bring hope, confidence, and opportunity to children in rural communities who might otherwise be left behind. For many of these children, access to English can become access to the wider world — to future careers, scholarships, and opportunities that once seemed unreachable.

That mission, he says, continues today — sustained by the kindness and support of those who believe in the transformative power of education and the importance of remaining connected to one’s roots.

And for those who feel that connection still alive within them, the invitation remains open: to stand alongside this work and be a part of something greater than themselves.

👉 Support their campaign, “Give 1,000 Rural Children an English Education” on GlobalGiving and become part of a movement that is transforming lives, one child at a time.

© 2025 Europe China Monitor News Team

Currently I thought I will have more time to write. But it looks like, that my brain is so occupied with stuff that each day I forget to write a post the previous day.

I forgot to count but it is the third fourth fifth attempt to write the post. 🙈 Hell, I also forget to pay some bills or answer some letters which are important.

I don’t know what’s happening at the moment. I’m focused on a topic but I’m so lost on other important ones and forget about them constantly.

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56 of #100DaysToOffload
#log
Thoughts?

I went skydiving and got a couples massage with E. Today was good. Time to drive to SJ tmrw morning!

In a celebration of language, learning, and connection, the Ireland Speech Festival lit up the headquarters of the Ireland Sino Institute in Liaoning Province on November 13th and 14th, 2025. What began as a simple idea—to encourage Chinese students to explore Ireland through speech—blossomed into a heartwarming event filled with curiosity, courage, and cross-cultural friendship.

Ireland ranks first in the OECD for reading literacy and is recognized as the most highly educated countries in the world. Through initiatives like the Ireland Speech Festival, the Ireland Sino Institute proudly shares this spirit of educational excellence in China, fostering opportunities for young people to learn, express themselves, and build bridges of understanding between the two nations.

Hundreds of Chinese students delivered speeches on the theme “Exploring Ireland.” Participants first researched Ireland and wrote their speeches, then submitted audio recordings for review. Experts at the Institute provided personalized feedback before the final presentations at the festival.

Speech in Full — Ireland Speech Festival Participant

The speeches were deeply inspiring—each word carrying the warmth, sincerity, and determination of youth. What made them even more remarkable was the journey behind them. Many students travelled from remote villages around Changtu, some setting out before dawn in the bitter cold, determined to stand on that stage and share their voices. For them, this was more than a competition—it was a moment of courage, hope, and pride.

Proud Moments: Ireland Speech Festival Participants Receive Certificates of Achievement

Recognizing Excellence — Certificates of Achievement Awarded at the Ireland Speech Festival

Several participants shared that taking part was not only a personal achievement but also a source of immense joy and honor for their families and entire communities, who watched with pride as their children represented the bridge of friendship and learning between China and Ireland.

The event also welcomed participants from as far as Shenyang and even Hubei Province, further enriching the festival’s strong spirit of unity, learning, and cultural exchange.

A scholar from Hubei Normal University delivered an impassioned speech on Ireland–China cultural relations via live video link.

A true friend of Ireland who drove from Shenyang to Changtu to take part in the festival.

Participants also received Irish souvenirs as a symbol of friendship and connection between the two nations. Each item—carefully chosen to reflect Ireland’s rich culture and heritage—served as a reminder of the spirit of learning and exchange that defines the Ireland Speech Festival.

A token of friendship — Irish souvenirs gifted to celebrate cultural exchange and mutual appreciation.

For many students, these small tokens carried deep meaning, representing not only their personal achievement but also a lasting link to Ireland and the values of curiosity, creativity, and cross-cultural understanding that the event celebrates.

Pat McCarthy, Chair of the Ireland Sino Institute, was deeply honoured to explicate and recite Seamus Heaney’s poem “Scaffolding.”

Scaffolding by Seamus Heaney Explication

Pat McCarthy reflected that Heaney’s clever use of irony in this poem invites us to see familiar things in a new way and encourages critical thinking. A wall, which often symbolizes separation, is here transformed into a symbol of strength, unity, and friendship.

He noted that the poem reminds us that strong relationships are not built overnight—they take time, patience, and small acts of trust and care that accumulate over the years. In this way, the poem beautifully mirrors the friendship between Ireland and China, a relationship that has grown steadily over the past 45 years into a strong partnership capable of withstanding global challenges.

Recitation of Scaffolding

Masons, when they start upon a building, Are careful to test out the scaffolding; Make sure that planks won’t slip at busy points, Secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints.

And yet all this comes down when the job’s done, Showing off walls of sure and solid stone. So if, my dear, there sometimes seem to be Old bridges breaking between you and me,

Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall, Confident that we have built our wall.

The renowned and talented Erhu player, Setanta McCarthy, who recently performed at the Beijing Intangible Cultural Heritage Festival, also gave a special performance at the Ireland Speech Festival. The young Irish musician played the beloved Irish melody “Danny Boy” on the traditional Chinese Erhu, creating a truly moving moment that beautifully symbolized the harmony between Irish and Chinese culture.

An unforgettable cross-cultural moment — Setanta McCarthy plays “Danny Boy” on the Chinese Erhu.

https://youtu.be/a868bzSrMFA?si=qACS_twN_8d_u30d

The Ireland Sino Institute, recognized by the China State Council, the Ministry of Education, and the Ministry of Civil Affairs, is honored to have the opportunity to contribute to rural development in China.

Since 2012, the Institute, through its philanthropic work, has provided quality education to more than 25,000 rural Chinese students and remains committed to doing even more.

Moving forward, it will continue to promote China to the world and further strengthen the cultural and economic ties between Ireland, Europe, and China.

You too can also help the children of rural China by supporting our ‘Give 1000 Rural Chinese Children a quality education’ campaign on Global Campaign.

© 2025 Europe China Monitor News Team

Rumors of My Demise Evan Dando Audiobook read by author (2025)

Note: Part of my ongoing #AudioMemoir series reviewing author-read memoirs. Previous: Neko Case, Cameron Crowe. Coming: Wayne Kramer, Larry Charles.

The 100 Word Review of The Lemonheads' new album, Love Chant

Funny, honest, and soulful, Dando takes an unflinching look at his life as a teen punk of privilege, alterna-hunk, and dope fiend.

Examining his Boston upbringing, 120 Minutes indie rock era, and the burdens of being hot, Dando ambles through life dedicated to art and deconstruction. Stories of Gibby Haynes, Courtney Love, Keith Richards, and others intermingle with harrowing tales of the House of Shock crack den and breakdowns in Australia. 

He owns it all. No big sobriety arc or 12-step apology tour. He knows he’s hurt people and wasted time, but his warmth and talent shine.

Listen to it.

#AudioMemoir #100WordReview #Larrys100 #100DaysToOffload #EvanDando

I’ve settled into a truth I think I always knew: there’s a veil beyond this world—something I can feel, even if I can’t see it. And yet, despite that sense of something greater, I spent so much of my life feeling… lonely.

High school was especially hard. We moved away from everything and everyone I knew, straight into the countryside of the South. Everyone there had grown up together, shared roots, shared memories. And me? I was the outsider. Add puberty on top of that and you get a perfect recipe for struggle.

And LORD, it was hard to get a girl to even look my way. I took all of it personally. I internalized every rejection, every awkward moment, until my self-talk turned razor sharp and cruel. At my lowest, I wanted to end my life—until, as I’ve said before, I heard the voice of God redirect me.

I still remember prom. We paid for the limo, the tux, even the girl’s dress… and she didn’t acknowledge me the entire night. I sat in the corner—hurt, embarrassed, and broken. And it’s wild how even now, when I share that story with a friend whose daughter is going through the same thing, I still find a tear to shed. That was the cost of being “different.” Socially awkward, not that handsome in others eyes... charisma questionable but had this depth to my spirit that I couldnt find anyone to relate with. I mean in HS it's hard but when you're 15, you don't see it that way..

But here’s the light in all of this: graduating and going to college changed everything. That’s when “different” stopped feeling like a curse and started turning into something powerful—being unique.

That story… is for next time.

Prov

Dreams

I dreamed vivid dreams all my life. Dreams of heaven, dreams of the afterlife. Dreams of past lives and the future. This supported me understanding that I was “different” even more.

Scariest dream:

I believe I may have been seeing myself in a past life or living out someone else's life. But I was a woman. Brunette with short hair. Possibly 5'5 and white. In this dream I was abducted by 2 men in the woods. Just writing I can still; feel the coolness of the night air, the feeling of anxiety and distress, the tan colored car with its high beams on. I was taken out of the trunk in a trash bag tied up with zip ties. I recalled whoever these men were trying bury me. I woke up from this dream in a gasp. To this day I question when and who this was.

Happiest dream:

I went to the afterlife and felt this overwhelming sense of love all around me. All the colors and divinity was just breathtaking. Even today I still feel the warmth of this place and look forward to going back.

Prov