Dans la chambre de passage ou un studio de location, voilà qu'il devient fenêtre, capturé par son carré, ouverte puis refermée sur l'illusion qui nous désorbite la tête. On croit voir ce qu'on croit voir, mais soumis aux forces de l'ordre interne, on se retrouve seulement bêta devant l'image, humainement trompé. On en fait un tableau, montage inachevé, qu'on voudrait libéré des clôtures du monde, de la propriété, réchappé de l'explication, une petite chose aussitôt perdue de quelques lettres aux formes noires, en attente d'être retrouvée.

Le mot œil apparait 13 fois dans Ma vie au village.

#VoyageauLexique

Dans ce deuxième Voyage au Lexique, je continue d’explorer, en me gardant de les exploiter, les mots de Ma vie au village (in Journal de la brousse endormie) dont le nombre d’occurrences est significatif.

It’s day nine after the break up. And today fucking hurt like hell, I emailed her the Minecraft world and told her that I had unfriended her little brother which was the last two loose ends. And she responded thank you with a period and so it’s over. It hurts a lot because I loved her, and a part of me still does. But at the same time I’ve grown and I’ve learned that the relationship was not good for me. It was a constant cycle of scraps of love and hope, and then she would do something bad or hurtful and that would make me feel unsafe and betrayed, and then after I would apologize even though I shouldn’t have, then she would apologize and then give me hope and the love again for a couple days. And that is very addicting to the brain, and I recognize that because I’m having withdrawals. I so desperately wanted to talk with her because it feels like I’m due for my next hit, where she’s going to be kind and she’s going to be loving and sweet, but it’s done and I need to remind myself that.

I think I want to remind myself is that she absolutely loved me, but I don’t think to me I was loved enough. I think if it had been a more proper love, she wouldn’t have done things out of anger that hurt me or broke my trust or betrayed me, and she wouldn’t have consistently crossed boundaries and continued to hurt me very deeply without making any kind of a change. And I’m not saying that she’s a bad person, I think she’s someone who has a lot of growing to do, and also was dealt a bad hand. But at the end of the day those things are her responsibility and not mine. I deserve a relationship where it is reciprocated, my love, the effort that I put in, and the care that I put into my partner’s well-being. I don’t deserve to be in a relationship where the other person is OK with hurting me, consistently and as a pattern. I know that she didn’t mean to manipulate me either, but she consistently did in several different ways and even if it’s out of ignorance, it still is manipulation. And all of the crying and guilt that she felt I appreciate, because it shows that she did not take pride in her actions, but at the same time tears are not enough, and she just continued to hurt me and break my trust over and over again. And so I know that she is not the one for me. And I think it’s a really strange thing for someone who might’ve grown up with love, to understand that this is not something to accept, and that things can be so much better. But to me, I was neglected as a kid and so I didn’t get to experience what love felt like, and so when I get these small scraps to someone else it might feel like being mistreated, but to me this is more than I’ve ever felt before. And it sucks because that made me so much more susceptible to love bombing, and sweet promises. It’s so incredibly cruel and convincing when someone is so starred for this love to tell them consistently how much you matter, and also how you want to be with them in all of these intense different ways. But those things were not true, and I think she also got swept up in this fantasy. I’m again saying all these things not because I blame her, but because it did happen to me and I want to acknowledge that. And I didn’t deserve a lot of the stuff that happened, I didn’t do bad things back, I didn’t retaliate, I didn’t mistreat her, and there were mistakes that I made like going too fast or not setting boundaries earlier, but these were not things that hurt her, but rather were things that should’ve protected me. I think I fall into a trap thinking about if she is hurting or what she is doing, or if she’s going to move on, or if she’s thinking about me, and all these things do not matter. They are ways of keeping me trapped in the past, and that was a lesson that I’ve learned from and it was a person that I got to spend a lot of good memories with. But that person is gone and so is the person that was in that relationship from my sign. I’m right now driving on a route back from the airport that I remember because after almost a month apart I took her back the same path. And I remember how good it felt to finally hear her voice not over a microphone or a speaker, and to feel her legs in my hands. And I also thought a lot about how she was my baby, and how I thought those names were cringe until I got it with her. And I really wanted to protect her and keep her safe, because I really felt like a caretaker to her. I also need to remind myself that there are going to be people out there that would not treat me or do the same things that she did, there will be people out there that will love me without having the additional baggage of emotional work left undone, like self sabotage, or insecurities, or lack of independence. There will be people that have gone through experiences in life, and have properly grown from them the same way that I hoped to. There will be people that will challenge me, that will pridefully show me off and want me to meet their friends, there will be people that will be so incredibly happy and lucky to have me in their lives, and I will feel the same way towards them. There will be people that will actively make me laugh, not just reiterate my jokes or give me opportunities to make myself laugh. There will be people that enjoy learning as much as I do and growth, and I can be competitive with and actually be competitive with. I won’t have to permanently handicap myself around them to make things fair, and the other person won’t feel patronized. I won’t have to worry about someone else’s ego and constantly censor the things that I do. I won’t have to worry about when I’m not with them, because there will be people out there that do not give me reasons to worry especially so early on. There will be people out there that will apologize without me having to beg for it. That was a big thing, I remembered how much I had to beg for certain things. Like I had to ask her to tell me that she didn’t forget about it and that she is sorry. Or that she could try to do something without me having to handhold her or walk her through it to show that she cares. And on top of it she would actually do the things that I would ask her to do. I wouldn’t have to worry about someone who just felt like they did not have the mental capacity to recognize what things needed to be done without instruction. I would want a partner that gets me a thoughtful Christmas gift and a birthday present and something sweet that feels like they understand me or that they care and that they put an effort, rather than me giving them an explicit Christmas list and explicitly same things that they went against or completely ignored. And then afterwards they wouldn’t say something like oh I just didn’t think about it, and that would be a reasonable explanation to me. Like the fact that she crossed my boundaries and immediately again hurt me in those ways and showed me how little I mattered, and her excuse was just the fact that she did not think about it. I deserve to be with someone who has the mental capacity to fucking think about things like that. Because I deserve to take a space in someone’s mind, and if there isn’t enough space to begin with, there’s nothing I can do. When she would give me the space it would feel like it’s suffocates her and gets rid of her as a person, and I fear that maybe that’s just because she did not have enough space to begin with. And I deserve to be with someone who can see me in a much bigger way than what she did. I know that I will never be fully seen, and I know that of course people will not read your mind and fully understand and into it everything that comes to your heart but it shouldn’t be this damn low. There will be someone out there who does not have unresolved baggage. There is nothing wrong with having poor circumstances of birth, and also the ways that we cope with things. But it is your responsibility to deal with that baggage. And that was not something that she had done and that put all of that burden onto me and that crushed me. And I’m right now driving past her school, and where she is. And it hurts, but I also have this desperation and anger that at least lets me advocate for myself enough to not just feel like shit. Because I know that I have the problem from growing up of putting all of my interest all of my feelings and wishes on the back burner, and instead I focused fully on trying to take care of the other person because that’s what I had to do with my mom. And that’s what I also felt like I had to do with her, but I don’t have to do that. And so I’m driving past a lot of memories that I have with her, the constant late nights and the hours of driving I would do just to see her. And I think about all of these sweet memories and I also hold this in mind with the person I share these things with. And even regardless of all of the other bad things, we just were not that compatible in the first place. I think I have very much convince myself how easy it is to love, and I think I almost need to be pickier with who I give that love to. Regardless of if it’s correct or not, my entire life my goal was to be happily married. That was my biggest desire, and it is not right for me to settle for this person. I refuse for something important to just accept the first person that gives me slight scraps, and is in such a drastically different place of overall from me. Like I don’t even know if I mentioned it yet, but I thought earlier about what would happen after she graduated, and she didn’t get any kind of a job, then what? Does she just not pay anything towards rent but lives in this really nice house for free? And on top of it would I then take care of her finances in addition to her parents? And would she continue to waste her money on gifts and small things like snack snacks or food for me when I’m paying for essential things for her. She was not responsible, she is inexperienced in life in a lot of ways, and for me at least my parents stopped micromanaging everything about my life when I entered college. For her her parents still do that, and I’m very grateful that she has a very sweet mom and parents I can financially support her, but at the same time it does hinder her a lot. And that’s not something I want in a partner. I don’t want a partner with these naïve lofty dreams, talking about wanting to buy their own house in their 20s, and getting a nice fancy sports car and customizing it and making it really pretty, and not understanding how certain things in life are absolutely a luxury. Having to reconcile this fantasy world that she has been piggybacked on is something that causes a lot of strife, and it’s something that I don’t want to deal with and I don’t have to. I don’t have to sit and hope that she changes for the better in the immediate big problems, well not even thinking about the fundamental in compatibilities. It hurts a lot, it hurts so much to lose someone that did love you. And it hurts a lot to see how it goes from this cycle of hot and cold to just a permanent cold. But it’s absolutely without a doubt for the best. And I guess I just need to hurt, because I need to let my brain regulate itself and understand that all of his hope and fantasy is gone. And I need to truly feel that in both my brain and my heart. And I think I know that in my brain, but my heart still feels it. And my heart still belongs for her, but it doesn’t even belong for her, as long as for this idealized version of her, as long as for this fantasy that we built together. But there will be someone for sure in the future that will be kind to me, and that will love me, and that will not have all these additional caveat. Absolutely in the future my partner will not be perfect. They are going to have their fair sheriff baggage, as do I. They are going to fuck up, but the difference will be that they can recognize it and take accountability, not just push it off and make it a painful thing to me. They will respect me and they will cherish me, and they will have done similar work to what I’ve done to get to where I am now. And that is the person that I want to raise my future family with. I don’t want the person that I feel like I have to parent, or Coach, or suck up shit from. And I will be able to make so many beautiful memories with those future people, and it might not be the next relationship that’s the one, it might not be the one after that, and I don’t know when it’s gonna be, but I absolutely will be able to make so many even more beautiful memories. Like for fucks sake, one of the happiest memories I have is when I gave her her childhood stuffed animal that she had been searching for for Christmas. And that was the same Christmas that she basically spat on my face, and put so little effort it felt like a direct jab at asking how much I would tolerate. And I know that stuff like giving presents and things like that are stressful, and if you wanna be an adult about it you can speak about those feelings sooner. But instead she just did not put any effort. And that is not what I deserve. I deserve to be loved, and I know that karma exists, and if I do the right things and work on myself and build this life that is beautiful and something that makes me so thankful to be alive for, I will have been so grateful that I got the experience to do it.

In Summary: * It appears that my basketball game before bedtime tonight will come from the NBA: my San Antonio Spurs vs. the Detroit Pistons. Since I'll be following the game on the radio rather than watching it on TV, it will be easier to keep a more peaceful state of mind. Don't want to get too excited before turning in for the night. Right?

Prayers, etc.: * I have a daily prayer regimen I try to follow throughout the day from early morning, as soon as I roll out of bed, until head hits pillow at night. Details of that regimen are linked to my link tree, which is linked to my profile page here.

Starting Ash Wednesday, 2026, I've added this daily prayer as part of the Prayer Crusade Preceding the 2026 SSPX Episcopal Consecrations.

Health Metrics: * bw= 232.59 lbs. * bp= 155/93 (66)

Exercise: * morning stretches, balance exercises, kegel pelvic floor exercises, half squats, calf raises, wall push-ups

Diet: * 06:15 – 1 ham & cheese sandwich, 1 banana * 07:05 – 2 cookies * 09:50 – fresh pineapple chunks * 10:50 – cheese and crackers * 13:30 – rice cake

Activities, Chores, etc.: * 04:45 – listen to local news talk radio * 05:50 – bank accounts activity monitored * 06:20 – read, write, pray, follow news reports from various sources, surf the socials, and nap * 13:10 – Began listening to to pregame coverage of this afternoon's 2nd Round Game of the Big Ten Women's Basketball Tournament, IU vs. Ohio St. * 15:20 – Ohio St. wins 83 to 59. * 16:00 – listen to The Jack Riccardi Show * 17:00 – tuned into 1200 WOAI, the flagship station for the San Antonio Spurs, well ahead of pregame coverage for tonight's game vs. the Detroit Pistons

Chess: * 11:43 – moved in all pending CC games

Toda historia de amor contiene su despedida desde el primer beso.

Es una tarde de la primera semana de mayo de 2021. Después de acercarme bastante —y de que no se alejara mientras le mostraba fotos de mi último viaje a Cuzco— a una chica que me tenía locamente enamorado, le “robo” un beso. Ella me lo devuelve con gusto, y de ahí empieza una relación muy hermosa.

Un poco más de tres años después, a finales de septiembre de 2024, tras superar desafíos difíciles, convivir juntos, hacer planes de boda, crecer, atravesar duelos duros y sostenernos en nuestra vulnerabilidad, con mucho dolor decidimos abrazarnos, perdonarnos y despedirnos para siempre. No volvernos a ver nunca más.

¿Por qué pensamos que tiene que durar hasta viejos?

¿Quién nos vendió la idea del “para siempre”?

Nunca pensé que lo más difícil de amar fuera la despedida. Siempre creí que lo difícil era encontrar a alguien.

Proyecté una idea casi perfecta del amor: permanencia, felicidad, estabilidad. La sensación de que, pasara lo que pasara, siempre había una alternativa, y terminar no iba a ser una opción.

Durante mucho tiempo creí que el amor verdadero era el que resistía todo. El que sobrevivía a la rutina, al desgaste, al paso del tiempo.

Ahora no. Entendí algo que, si soy honesto, todavía estoy tratando de aceptar.

Empiezo a sospechar que el amor romántico no está hecho para quedarse.

No lo digo con cinismo. Tampoco con resentimiento. Lo digo con la extraña serenidad que aparece cuando uno empieza a mirar su propia historia con un poco más de honestidad.

He amado profundamente. Y también he visto cómo ese amor, que alguna vez parecía invencible, se iba transformando lentamente en otra cosa. No siempre en dolor, ni siquiera en distancia inmediata. A veces simplemente en silencio. En una especie de melancolía anticipada mientras la relación aún existía.

Nadie nos enseña a amar con fecha de caducidad.

Nos enseñan a prometer “para siempre”, pero no a agradecer el “mientras tanto”.

El “hasta que la muerte nos separe” quizá sea uno de los edictos más crueles y engañosamente consoladores en los que hemos creído.

Pensaba que el objetivo del amor era durar. Que si algo terminaba, entonces algo fundamental había fallado. Que alguien había amado menos. Que alguien no había luchado lo suficiente.

Ahora empiezo a sospechar que esa idea es una trampa.

Quizás el amor no está diseñado para ser eterno.

Quizás está diseñado para ser vivido.

Para despertarnos. Para mostrarnos partes de nosotros mismos que no habríamos descubierto solos. Para crecer con el otro y ayudar al otro a crecer. Para volver a ser un poco infantiles. Para descubrir qué te importa y qué no.

Para hacernos sentir, aunque sea por un tiempo breve y milagroso, que la vida es más grande de lo que parecía antes de conocer a esa persona.

Y aun sabiendo todo esto, todavía hay una parte de mí que quiere creer en el “para siempre”.

Esa parte todavía protesta cuando algo termina. Todavía pregunta por qué. Todavía busca en el pasado maneras de haberlo salvado.

Supongo que hacer las paces con el amor implica convivir con esa contradicción: entender que todo es pasajero, y aun así querer que ciertas cosas duren un poco más.

Tal vez amar bien no significa aferrarse ni resignarse.

Tal vez significa algo más simple y más difícil: estar completamente presente mientras sucede, y aprender de lo que ese amor vino a mostrarte

A veces pienso que la vida se parece más a un tren lleno de encuentros temporales. Personas que se sientan a tu lado por algunas estaciones, comparten el paisaje contigo, sacan fotos, cambian algo dentro de ti… y luego, en algún momento que nunca parece el adecuado, se levantan y bajan en otra parada.

Todavía hay una parte de mí que quisiera pedirles que se quedaran.

Pero otra parte empieza a entender que el verdadero regalo nunca fue que permanecieran, sino que, entre millones de trayectorias posibles, nuestros caminos coincidieran durante un tramo del viaje.

La fin de l'hiver

Chaque larme versée pour noyer ton chagrin N'a fait que raviver la douleur de la plaie, De cet amour parfait ce regret qui t’étreint : La voix, la vue, le corps de celui qui t’aimait.

Le souvenir s’éloigne, le visage s’efface. Dans le creux de tes rêves tu crois apercevoir Une fois encore, un sourire sur sa face Que le vent du passé dissipe chaque soir.

Mais tu as traversé le long hiver du deuil Et dans les tourments de ton cœur convalescent C’est le printemps d’une autre vie que tu accueilles

Sur l’arbre à sa mémoire pour célébrer l’absent Déjà viennent rameaux qui vibrent dans le vent C’est sa bénédiction — pourvu que tu le veuilles

“This book (The Solar Grid) is a singular voice, unique in its eclectic mix of intelligent science fiction, world politics, innovative design, and hardcore punk aesthetic. THE SOLAR GRID is fantastic art and you will be changed after reading it.”

—Farel Dalrymple, author of THE WRENCHIES

#TSG #quote

Almost 3:00pm and I've already been awake for 12 hours. My circadian rhythms have been all out of whack since I got here. Spent most of the day reading before paying one of my storage units a visit (and coming to terms with the impossibility of completely clearing it out this time around) before situating myself at my cafe of choice. Lter, I pick my son up from school and take him out to dinner.

Given that it is the 5th, and my newsletter goes out every 10th, I should be drafting it right now, but I kind of have nothing to say. You'd think that between my travels, the workshop I just gave, and war breaking out, now would be just the time to have plenty to say, but I really don't. I'm more in a quietly observational mood right now than anything.

Presently house-sitting for a friend, who just so happens to be safekeeping quite a few of my books. So I took it as an opportunity to read through a few I have yet to finish, and just this morning found myself completing DAILY RITUALS by Mason Currey. Nothing groundbreaking but includes a great many amusing vignettes that I think would be delightful for most creatives to leaf through.

“Mencken's routine was simple: work for twelve or fourteen hours a day, every day, and in the late evening, enjoy a drink and conversation. This was his lifestyle as a young bachelor—when he belonged to a drinking club and often met his fellow members at a saloon after work.”

See, it can be done! To be productive and have an active social life. Twelve-to-fourteen-hour workdays however strike me as overkill and wholly unnecessary (though I am guilty of it myself from time to time). The sweet spot it seems, if one can extract a commonality between the vast majority of creatives surveyed in the book, is probably working in 3-4 hour shifts. Either breaking before carrying on for another shift, or calling it a day at that. And this even applies to some of the most prolific creators.

Georges Simenon, for example, who published 425 books over the course of his career, only wrote from 6:30 A.M. to 9:30 A.M. “Then he would go for a long walk, eat lunch at 12:30, and take a one-hour nap. In the afternoon he spent time with his children and took another walk before dinner, television, and bed at 10:00 P.M.”

This schedule seemed to allow for a pretty active social life beyond the home and family too. “When living in Paris, Simenon frequently slept with four different women in the same day. He estimated that he bedded ten thousand women in his life. (His second wife disagreed, putting the total closer to twelve hundred.)”

Active social life or not, there is no doubt that many of us are way too pampered compared to some of the artists of old. Take Willem de Kooning and Elain Fried for example, who would have a breakfast that “consisted mostly of very strong coffee, cut with milk that they kept in winter on a window ledge; they did not have a refrigerator, an appliance that in the early forties was still a luxury. (So was a private phone, which de Kooning would not have until the early sixties.)”

The heat also automatically went “off after five o'clock because they were commercial buildings.”

#journal #Reads

“The gates at 168 Isabella Avenue opened to a $13 million estate she’d bought in 2000, a figure she mentioned twice before we even parked. What she didn’t mention was the $5 million loan she’d taken after the tech crash or the $60,000 a month it cost just to keep the lights on. Like much in Roomy’s world, it was all show, punctuated by name drops about neighbors like Larry Ellison and Yahoo’s Carol Bartz. Inside, Roomy introduced me to her husband, Sakhawat. Far from the “deadbeat” she’d described, he was educated, seemingly successful, and attentive to their adopted daughter, though far less kind to the maid, Vilma, whose breaks he monitored with unsettling precision. I’d later learn she worked nearly ninety hours a week for $250 and would eventually sue them. The house was dotted with carefully arranged silk scarves and designer handbags, a curated display meant to signal wealth. I’ve learned that people who try that hard to show you how rich they are usually aren’t.”

From WIRED ON WALL STREET via CrimeReads.

#radar

There is a moment that many people have experienced at least once in their lives, even if they could not explain it at the time. You might be standing in a grocery store line, sitting across from someone at a small-town diner, or talking with an older believer after a church service when suddenly you notice something unusual about the person in front of you. Their face is calm even when life around them seems complicated, their eyes carry a strange steadiness, and there is a peaceful presence about them that feels deeper than personality or temperament. You cannot quite explain it, but you feel it instantly, almost the way you feel warmth when you step into sunlight. It is not arrogance, it is not charisma, and it is not the kind of confidence that comes from worldly success. It is quieter than that, deeper than that, and strangely comforting to be around. Many people today try to describe this presence using modern language like energy, vibration, or aura, but those descriptions never quite capture what is really happening. What people are sensing in those moments is something far older and far more profound than modern vocabulary can explain, because what they are witnessing is the unmistakable radiance of a life that has been shaped from the inside out by Jesus Christ. What they are noticing is something believers have quietly carried for centuries, something that has appeared in the eyes of martyrs, missionaries, humble servants, and ordinary believers living faithful lives. It is what many people have come to recognize as the Jesus Glow.

The Jesus Glow does not come from personality, talent, or emotional optimism, and it certainly does not come from pretending that life is always easy. In fact, many of the people who carry this quiet radiance have walked through more storms than most people around them ever realize. The glow does not come from a life free of hardship, but rather from a life that has learned where true peace is found even in the middle of hardship. When a person begins to walk closely with Christ, something begins to change slowly within them, often in ways they do not even notice at first. Their priorities shift, their fears loosen their grip, and the frantic pressure to control every outcome begins to soften. Over time their identity becomes anchored somewhere deeper than public approval, financial security, or personal accomplishment. Instead of constantly measuring themselves against the chaos of the world, they begin measuring their life by the steady presence of God working within them. That internal shift changes the atmosphere of a person in ways that cannot be faked, rehearsed, or manufactured. When someone begins living from that place, their presence becomes calming to others because they are no longer radiating anxiety or insecurity into every room they enter. The glow people notice is not a mystical light shining from their skin, but the visible peace of a soul that has finally found its true center.

One of the reasons this glow stands out so clearly in the modern world is because it contrasts so sharply with the emotional noise that surrounds us every day. We live in a time when millions of people wake up each morning already carrying the weight of stress, comparison, and uncertainty. News cycles are designed to keep the mind agitated, social media feeds encourage constant comparison, and many people move through their days with the quiet fear that everything in their life could collapse at any moment. In that environment, genuine peace becomes incredibly rare, which is exactly why the Jesus Glow feels so striking when someone encounters it. When a believer walks through the same chaotic world yet somehow carries an unexplainable calm, people instinctively notice the difference. They might not understand the source of that peace, but they recognize that something about this person operates on a different foundation than the emotional turbulence surrounding them. It feels like meeting someone who is living in the same storm as everyone else but standing beneath a shelter no one else can see. The peace does not come from ignorance of reality, but from confidence that reality itself ultimately belongs to God. That quiet confidence begins to shape the way a believer speaks, listens, and responds to the pressures of everyday life.

This transformation is deeply rooted in the central truth of the Gospel, which is that Jesus never intended to simply improve people’s behavior from the outside. The message of Christ has always been about transformation from the inside outward, beginning in the hidden places of the heart where motivations, fears, and desires are formed. When a person truly begins to trust Christ, they begin handing over control of the deepest parts of their life, including the fears they once tried to hide from everyone else. Instead of constantly defending their identity, they begin resting in the identity given to them by God. Instead of chasing approval from the world, they begin seeking alignment with the will of the One who created them. Over time that surrender produces a remarkable shift in the emotional posture of a believer. The constant tension of proving themselves begins to fade, replaced by the quiet confidence of belonging to something eternal. This does not mean life suddenly becomes perfect or that believers never struggle with doubt or difficulty. What changes is the foundation beneath those struggles, because the believer now knows that even in moments of weakness they are not standing alone. That knowledge becomes a source of deep internal stability that others can sense even when they cannot articulate why.

One of the most beautiful aspects of the Jesus Glow is that it cannot be manufactured through religious performance. Many people have tried to imitate spiritual peace by memorizing the right phrases, adopting a polished church personality, or projecting an image of constant positivity. But imitation peace rarely lasts very long because the human soul is not designed to sustain appearances that are disconnected from reality. The glow that people notice in deeply grounded believers comes from something far more authentic than outward performance. It comes from years of walking with God through real experiences, real questions, and real moments of surrender. It grows through prayer that is honest rather than polished, through Scripture that is lived rather than merely quoted, and through obedience that continues even when circumstances remain uncertain. Over time that relationship begins reshaping the way a person perceives both themselves and the world around them. They no longer interpret every situation through the lens of personal survival or ego protection. Instead they begin viewing life through the lens of God’s larger story unfolding across history.

This perspective changes the emotional gravity of a believer’s life in a way that becomes visible to those around them. When people who carry the Jesus Glow walk into a room, they are not silently calculating how to impress everyone present or worrying about whether they are being judged. Their attention shifts outward toward the people around them because their identity no longer depends on the opinions in the room. That freedom allows them to listen more carefully, speak more gently, and respond more thoughtfully than someone whose emotional stability depends on social validation. The glow begins to show in small interactions long before it appears in dramatic moments of faith. It appears in patience during frustrating conversations, in kindness toward strangers who expect nothing in return, and in the quiet steadiness of someone who refuses to mirror the anger that often dominates public discourse. These everyday choices slowly form the visible character of someone who has learned to walk in the light of Christ.

It is also important to understand that the Jesus Glow does not belong exclusively to spiritual leaders or lifelong theologians. Some of the most radiant believers you will ever encounter are ordinary people living faithful lives far away from public attention. They might be grandparents who spent decades raising children with quiet devotion, volunteers who serve their communities without recognition, or workers who carry their faith into everyday jobs where integrity quietly shapes the culture around them. These individuals often become living testimonies to the reality of Christ because their peace has been forged through years of consistency rather than moments of dramatic inspiration. They know what it means to pray when prayers seem unanswered, to trust when circumstances appear confusing, and to remain faithful even when recognition never arrives. That long obedience in the same direction slowly shapes a life that reflects something deeper than temporary enthusiasm. The glow becomes visible because their soul has learned to remain anchored in God through every season life brings.

When you begin to recognize this glow in others, you may start noticing a surprising pattern that runs throughout the stories of Scripture itself. Many of the individuals who walked closely with God developed a similar presence that others around them could sense even when they did not fully understand it. There was a calm authority in the way they carried themselves, a quiet confidence rooted in trust rather than dominance. Their strength came from knowing that the story of their life was not being written solely by human circumstances. That awareness freed them from the constant panic that drives so much of human behavior. They could move through uncertainty with courage because their hope extended beyond the temporary outcomes of the present moment. That kind of faith produces a remarkable emotional stability that naturally draws others toward it.

The reason this glow matters so much today is because the world is desperately searching for something authentic to hold onto. People are surrounded by messages telling them to become louder, more aggressive, more competitive, and more self-promoting in order to survive. Yet the human heart quietly longs for something very different, something steady and trustworthy that does not disappear when circumstances change. When believers carry the peace of Christ into everyday life, they become living reminders that such stability truly exists. Their presence quietly challenges the assumption that anxiety must dominate every moment of modern life. Without preaching a single word, they demonstrate that a different way of living is possible.

The truth is that the Jesus Glow is not reserved for a special category of believers, and it is certainly not something limited to a few extraordinary individuals in history. It is the natural result of a life that gradually becomes aligned with the heart of Christ. Anyone who begins walking sincerely with Jesus can begin experiencing the transformation that leads to this quiet radiance. It does not appear overnight, and it cannot be rushed through spiritual shortcuts. Instead it grows slowly through daily decisions to trust God, to surrender control, and to allow the teachings of Christ to shape both thoughts and actions. As those habits deepen, something remarkable begins to happen inside the believer’s life. The peace of Christ, which once felt like an abstract promise, becomes a lived reality that shapes how they experience every situation they encounter.

As a person continues walking this path with sincerity, the transformation that produces the Jesus Glow becomes increasingly visible in subtle but powerful ways. It begins to shape the emotional rhythm of their life, influencing how they respond to both success and disappointment. Many people discover that before their faith deepened, their emotional state was constantly tied to external circumstances. A good day at work meant they felt confident and hopeful, while a difficult conversation or unexpected setback could send them spiraling into frustration or worry. This pattern is incredibly common because most people build their emotional stability on foundations that shift constantly. Financial pressures rise and fall, relationships experience seasons of harmony and tension, and the broader world seems to move through cycles of chaos that no individual can control. When someone begins truly surrendering their life to Christ, however, a remarkable re-centering begins to take place deep within the soul. Their identity slowly detaches from these constantly shifting circumstances and begins anchoring itself in the steady character of God. That change gradually produces a kind of emotional equilibrium that remains present even when life becomes unpredictable. The glow that people notice in believers often emerges from this quiet internal stability.

This stability is not a denial of pain or hardship, because followers of Christ experience suffering just like everyone else. The difference lies in the deeper context through which they interpret those experiences. When a believer faces difficulty, they are not forced to interpret that moment as the collapse of meaning or the failure of their entire story. Instead they see their life as part of a much larger narrative unfolding under God’s guidance. That perspective allows them to endure uncertainty without losing hope, because they trust that even difficult chapters are not the final word. Over time that trust reshapes the emotional posture of the believer in ways that become visible to those around them. When others react to stress with panic, the believer often responds with thoughtful patience. When others become consumed with resentment or blame, the believer seeks understanding and grace. These reactions are not always easy, and they do not happen automatically, but they become more natural as the believer continues walking with Christ through every season of life.

One of the most profound truths about the Jesus Glow is that it grows brightest in people who have learned to release the illusion of control. Human beings naturally want to manage every detail of their lives, trying to secure outcomes that guarantee comfort, recognition, or success. Yet life repeatedly reveals that many of the most important moments remain outside human control. Careers change unexpectedly, relationships evolve, and the future often unfolds in ways that no amount of planning could have predicted. When people attempt to control every possible outcome, they often carry a heavy emotional burden because the world simply refuses to cooperate with that level of management. Faith introduces a radically different approach to living, one that invites believers to do their best with the opportunities before them while trusting God with the outcomes they cannot control. That surrender does not remove responsibility, but it removes the crushing pressure of believing everything depends solely on human effort. When a person begins living with that perspective, their heart experiences a freedom that becomes visible to others.

This freedom shapes the way believers interact with people who disagree with them, challenge them, or even oppose them. When identity is secure in Christ, there is no longer a desperate need to win every argument or dominate every conversation. A believer can listen more carefully because they are not constantly defending their sense of self. They can show compassion toward people who are struggling because they understand that everyone carries burdens that are often invisible from the outside. That compassionate posture becomes one of the most noticeable aspects of the Jesus Glow. People feel seen and respected in the presence of someone whose faith produces humility rather than superiority. Instead of feeling judged or dismissed, they feel invited into a space where dignity and grace remain intact even during disagreement. In a world that often rewards loudness and confrontation, this kind of quiet strength feels remarkably refreshing.

Another dimension of the Jesus Glow emerges through the way believers handle success and recognition. In many areas of life, achievements can easily inflate a person’s ego, creating a subtle distance between themselves and others. Yet when someone truly understands that every good gift ultimately comes from God, their accomplishments begin to feel less like personal trophies and more like opportunities to serve others. Gratitude replaces entitlement, and humility replaces the need for constant applause. This posture does not diminish excellence or ambition, but it transforms the motivation behind them. Instead of striving for validation, the believer begins striving for faithfulness. That shift allows them to celebrate success without allowing success to redefine their identity. People who carry this perspective often appear grounded and approachable even when they achieve remarkable things. The glow remains visible because their sense of worth remains anchored in Christ rather than fluctuating with public recognition.

The Jesus Glow also becomes especially visible during moments of loss or hardship. When someone experiences tragedy, disappointment, or grief, observers often watch closely to see how they respond. These moments reveal the true foundation of a person’s life more clearly than any speech or public declaration of belief. Believers who have developed deep trust in God often face these difficult seasons with a mixture of sorrow and hope that seems almost paradoxical to outsiders. They grieve honestly because faith does not erase the pain of loss, but they also carry a quiet confidence that God’s presence remains with them even in the darkest moments. This combination of vulnerability and trust can be deeply moving to witness because it reveals a strength that does not rely on pretending everything is fine. Instead it reflects a faith that has learned to walk with God through both joy and sorrow.

People who encounter this kind of faith often begin asking questions about its source. They want to understand why someone can remain calm in situations that would overwhelm most people. They wonder how a person can maintain kindness when they have every reason to become bitter. These questions create natural opportunities for believers to share the story of how Christ has shaped their life. The glow becomes a silent invitation that opens doors for deeper conversations about faith, hope, and the transforming power of God’s love. Instead of forcing spiritual discussions, the believer simply lives in a way that sparks curiosity in those around them. Their life becomes a quiet testimony that something real and powerful has taken root within them.

One of the most encouraging truths about the Jesus Glow is that it does not require perfection. Many believers hesitate to think of themselves as carrying the light of Christ because they remain painfully aware of their own weaknesses and shortcomings. Yet the Gospel has never been about flawless individuals displaying spiritual superiority. The light of Christ shines most clearly through people who understand their dependence on God’s grace. When believers openly acknowledge their struggles while continuing to trust God’s faithfulness, their authenticity becomes part of their witness. Others see that faith is not about pretending to have everything together but about walking honestly with the One who does. This honesty creates a spiritual depth that resonates deeply with people who feel discouraged by unrealistic expectations of perfection.

The glow that emerges from such a life is ultimately a reflection of Christ Himself. Jesus described Himself as the Light of the World, and throughout the New Testament believers are described as people who carry that light into the darkness around them. The purpose of this light is not to elevate the believer above others but to reveal the presence of God working through ordinary lives. When someone walks closely with Christ, His character gradually begins shaping their thoughts, words, and actions. Compassion grows where selfishness once dominated, patience grows where frustration once ruled, and hope grows where fear once lingered. These changes may unfold gradually, but over time they become visible in the way the believer moves through the world.

Anyone who longs to experience the Jesus Glow must begin not with outward behavior but with inward surrender. The transformation begins in the quiet moments when a person turns toward God with honesty and openness, inviting Him to reshape the deepest parts of their life. Prayer becomes less about asking for constant solutions and more about cultivating relationship with the One who knows every detail of the soul. Scripture becomes less about collecting information and more about allowing truth to reshape perspective. Acts of kindness become less about obligation and more about reflecting the love that Christ has already poured into the believer’s heart. Through these daily practices the presence of God begins shaping a life from the inside outward.

Over time the believer discovers that the Jesus Glow is not something they strive to display. It becomes a natural byproduct of walking closely with Christ day after day, year after year. Just as a mirror reflects the light shining upon it, the believer reflects the presence of the Savior who lives within them. Others notice the difference even when the believer is unaware of it. Conversations feel calmer, conflicts feel less volatile, and moments of shared humanity feel deeper and more meaningful. The glow quietly touches the lives of friends, family members, and even strangers who cross paths with someone whose life has been transformed by grace.

The world may describe this presence using modern words like energy or confidence, but those explanations only skim the surface of something far more profound. What people are truly sensing is the life of Christ radiating through a human heart that has chosen to trust Him completely. It is the peace that passes understanding, the love that refuses to grow cold, and the hope that refuses to fade even when circumstances grow difficult. The Jesus Glow is the visible evidence that the Light of the World continues shining through ordinary believers who walk faithfully with Him.

Your friend, Douglas Vandergraph

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Douglas Vandergraph Po Box 271154 Fort Collins, Colorado 80527

Sagostunden har alltid varit en trygg ritual, en stund av närhet och fantasi där barn och vuxna tillsammans reser till magiska världar. Men i takt med att våra liv blivit allt mer uppkopplade, har även sagostunden förändrats – både i form och innehåll. Från att ha varit en enkel, analog stund med en bok och en röst, har den idag fått konkurrens av skärmar, ljudböcker och interaktiva appar. Hur påverkar detta den traditionella sagostunden, och vad går förlorat – eller vinns – i denna förvandling?

1. Den klassiska sagostunden: En tidlös ritual

I Dittens blogginlägg lyfter författaren fram sagornas tidlösa kraft: de är mer än underhållning, de är en plats där barn lär sig om moral, rättvisa och empati. Sagostunden beskrivs som en stund av närhet, där rösten, pauserna och tystnaden mellan orden skapar en magisk upplevelse. Det är en ritual som ger barn trygghet och vuxna en chans att koppla av från vardagens stress. Här är det den fysiska närheten, boken i handen och den gemensamma upplevelsen som står i centrum.

2. Sagostunden som kreativt samspel

På Great Moments betonas vikten av att inte bara läsa, utan också att skapa egna sagor tillsammans med barnen. Författaren delar tips på hur man kan improvisera berättelser med enkla mönster och låta barnet vara med och forma handlingen. Det handlar om att skapa en levande, interaktiv upplevelse där fantasin får flöda fritt. Här är sagostunden inte bara passiv lyssnande, utan ett aktivt samspel – något som blir allt viktigare i en värld där barn ofta är vana vid att vara aktiva konsumenter av innehåll.

3. Sagor och språklig utveckling

I Mixamaxas inlägg framhålls sagornas roll för barns språkliga och kognitiva utveckling. Genom att lyssna på sagor lär sig barn nya ord, förstå orsak och verkan, och utveckla empati. Men författaren ställer också frågan: hur förhåller sig de klassiska sagorna till dagens värderingar? Många av de gamla berättelserna speglar en tid med snäva könsroller och förlegade normer, vilket kan göra dem svåra att förmedla utan reflektion. Här uppstår en spänning: ska vi behålla sagornas ursprungliga form, eller anpassa dem till vår tid?

4. Den digitala sagostunden: En ny era?

I en värld där skärmtid ofta konkurrerar med boken, har sagostunden fått nya former. Ljudböcker, interaktiva sagor på surfplattor och digitala berättelser med animationer har blivit allt vanligare. Dessa format kan göra sagostunden mer tillgänglig – till exempel när föräldrar är på språng eller när barnen vill ha en snabb berättelse innan läggdags. Men vad händer med den gemensamma upplevelsen när sagan inte längre berättas av en människa, utan av en röst i en högtalare? Och vad går förlorat när den fysiska boken och den mänskliga rösten ersätts av en skärm?

5. Sagostunden som motstånd mot stress

På Tips om livet betonas vikten av en bra nattningsrutin för barns hälsa och välmående. Sagostunden beskrivs som en viktig del av denna rutin, där barn får en lugn övergång till sömnen. Men i en tid då många barn (och vuxna) är vana vid att ständigt vara uppkopplade, kan det vara svårt att hitta lugnet i en traditionell sagostund. Här uppstår frågan: hur kan vi skapa en sagostund som känns relevant och avslappnande, utan att den blir ännu en skärmupplevelse?

6. Olika sorters sagor för olika behov

I Lappen i hatten utforskas de olika typerna av sagor och deras betydelse för barns utveckling. Från hjältesagor som lär om mod, till mörka spegelsagor som hjälper barn att bearbeta rädslor, visar inlägget hur sagor kan användas för att stärka barns självkänsla och förmåga att hantera svåra känslor. Men i en uppkopplad värld, där barn ofta möter komplexa och ibland skrämmande budskap online, kan sagornas enkla, symboliska berättelser kännas som en välkommen paus – eller som något som behöver anpassas för att vara relevant.

Sagostunden har alltid anpassats efter sin tid. Från muntliga berättelser vid lägerelden, till tryckta böcker, och nu till digitala format. Men kärnan – att dela en berättelse i en trygg miljö – förblir densamma. Framtidens sagostund kommer troligen att vara en blandning av det gamla och det nya: fysiska böcker som läses högt, digitala berättelser som engagerar på nya sätt, och gemensamt skapande där barn och vuxna tillsammans formar sagornas världar.

Men oavsett format, är det viktigt att komma ihåg vad sagostunden egentligen handlar om: att skapa en stund av närhet, fantasi och trygghet. I en värld där vi ständigt är uppkopplade, kan sagostunden vara en ö av lugn – en plats där vi kan koppla av, drömma och vara tillsammans, utan distraktioner.

Så, sagostunden har förändrats, men dess kärna lever kvar. Oavsett om vi läser ur en bok, lyssnar på en ljudbok eller skapar en saga tillsammans, handlar det om att ge barn (och oss själva) en stund av magi och gemenskap. Kanske är det just i den uppkopplade världen som sagostunden blir allt viktigare – som en påminnelse om att ibland behöver vi stänga av skärmarna och låta fantasin ta över.

There was a sunset today, and it was pink and yellow. And on the grounds lay a thick solid sheet of ice

And with these jogging shoes which are studded I went running earlier today, for I felt like a plant inside, gathering the rays of sunshine in what felt like a photosynthesis of the mind — wandering as it did in its own route, with every emotion amplified by this running — having Ava Max blasting in the earphones

Now I lie on my bed, listening to a playlist of ”the Last of the Mohicans” versions, I still think it’s the best song ever made.

That the movie was so great just makes it all better.

I don’t know for a fact if it is a good movie, but my sister and her cousin bought it on VHS for each other one Christmas, because they thought that the Mohicans were so handsome.

I think that’s true, they were, but what about this sad song

Don’t they eat a heart in that movie?

I felt like, when my sister left my life (like she didn’t care), she took a big bite of my heart, because I didn’t see it coming — even though it was so blatantly obvious in hindsight that this relationship was not bidirectional — it got my questioning my grasp on reality, and I am not sure why it hurt so bad, but I think it’s because I thought she loved me but she is not capable of that in any way I can relate to.

But I am not feeling sorry for myself I haven’t the capacity I think.

I do feel a little bit of hunger now , but the playlist isn’t done playing the Last of the Mohicans music yet and so I am spellbound to this inert state of…

I am not sure, but there’s one variant with the hurdy gurdy…

That’s a cool instrument

I think that this life is so beautiful and I am feeling in general pretty good, did you know I have been averaging on 5h/day on umamusume pretty derby since I downloaded this horse girl game? It’s just so much fun and there’s lots of decisions to make as a horse girl trainer, so many trade-offs, it’s just like in real life.

And I did

IU vs. Ohio St.

Yesterday's dramatic comeback win vs. Nebraska moved the IU women's basketball team into Round Two of the Big Ten Women's Basketball Tournament. And their assigned Round Two Game has them playing Ohio State this afternoon. The exact time of this game has yet to be determined. One source tells me 2:30 PM CST, another source is saying 3:00 PM Eastern Time. I'll try tuning into B97 – The Home for IU Women's Basketball plenty early, maybe 01:30 PM CST or so, hoping to catch the game. Go Hoosiers!

And the adventure continues.

This is a blog with a reaaaally long title!

I hope to share interesting thoughts about things and stuff.

Seed you all out there!

• Cooper