“The longer you struggle with a problem, the less likely you are to understand the problem”

It feels counterintuitive to me at least, but it’s incredibly rational – if you understand a problem the more likely you are to have moved past it. This kinda opened my eyes to a lot of things, especially the core problems I’ve struggled with for long periods of my life. The big thing that comes to mind immediately is the struggle to accept the fact I may be loved. I know that this is an incredibly sensitive topic that’s plagued me since childhood, but maybe I can consider the fact that I am understanding or viewing it fundamentally wrong.

I had a nice date(?) with K, we went exploring places and had a great conversation for two hours. I also think that was incredibly valuable as I got a bit more experience, even if we aren’t looking for a relationship. I am able to understand that things aren’t as hard as my mind tries to trick me into.

I’m also talking to someone who feels like me. I know that I was somewhat upset in the past when I originally met S because it felt like they were someone who was very similar to me, but they were taken, and it worked perfectly as ammunition for my own insecurities and fears to try to convince me that anyone I’d feel compatible with is taken, but I like to think about it more like “hey, here’s someone I get along with incredibly well. That means there are more people like that out there!” (Also just for my own piece of mind, I need to reinforce the fact that I am fully PLATONIC with S, since I found out they were in a relationship). With this new person, we have a lot of coincidences, even having the same diagnosis (allegedly). We also share an incredible amount of similarities, almost to the point where I’m skeptical. But nothing ventured nothing gained!

R – 3 breaths

E – I am a bit worried that this is too good to be true, with the similarities mentioned and other compatibility things. I guess I am seeing remnants of T, especially with the focus on privacy at least before the first date.

S – Just be aware of it, but also don’t be overly cautious to the point of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

T – Enjoy the date!

I found this essay by Nicola Ballotta quite interesting. A retrospective of his 25 years professional life, and how he could improve it, if he was set to start it today. There are many similar articles out there, though the main appealing aspect of this one to me, is that I can relate to it quite easily. Apart from the main goal of the article, I started to think about career growth in general. Given my current position at work, I find myself mentoring my colleagues quite often. Career growth I assume is also quite a norm in professional world. Everyone wants to grow and attract a better position and salary.

However, I don’t think “want” always translates to “happens”. I’m not even sure if “everyone” knows what it takes to realize that goal. The social norm seems to be like, you enter your career, and the growth happens naturally if you are part of the machine. And “the machine” could be your company, your industry, or the whole economy.

Being a good “part of the machine” also varies per individuals, of course. It depends on one’s capacity of risk. Job hopping and resume hunting is one approach, and quite a trend these days. Some even recommend it (like Gergely Orosz in The Software Engineer’s Guidebook). Of course, it might be a good approach.

What I’m wondering about is, if a “better position” or higher “salary”, translates to growth? I’m sure it’s a shared experience among people active in my industry (software in general), to see high ranking people, with close to no efficiency in their position. Winning the position, due to lack of knowledge of HR, or interest of a non-technical manager, or even pure luck.

For me, the growth boils down to how Naval describes himself in his famous 2018 Twitter thread: How to Get Rich without getting lucky, and it’s related Podcast episode. On the importance of knowledge, he says if one takes all his status, and his money today, and leaves him in an English-speaking country, where no one knows him. Armed with his knowledge, he can regain his money and position, and this time he’ll do it faster than the first time he did.

This is interesting, because with this mindset, growth is not translated into a position, a salary, or a certificate. They’ll come along eventually, but they are not the main goal, it’s the knowledge and taking action based on that which matters. That helps me to map out where I can find the growth, and who to expect it from. It’s me, who should provide myself with answers to “why?, where? And how?”.

Most sources, like the book from Gergely, and the essay from Nicola, try to communicate the same message. However, for some reason, we (as community), miss the point. During my career, I’ve met a lot of people, who don’t know what’s their next step (I get it, it’s hard, and I’ve been there too). Or expect their company, help them to grow, without them having any focused and SMART goal of their own (I’ve been there too).

The crack between, who we are today, and where we want to find ourselves in is caused by this lack of clear target. If the crack is too big, it means we need to take charge, and draw our own path of growth. Hoping for others to help us to get there, is why we’ve ended up here.

She knocked the door and he answered. She froze because he looked directly in her eyes like he knew what she was. She glanced around the room behind him and there were outlines and reflections that made it look like people were standing behind him, but when she focused she didn't see anyone else in there with him.

Yes

She wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement.

I'm looking for Jere.

You found him.

The shapes behind him shifted, she couldn't bring herself to move any closer to him. His body was draped in some kind of shroud, she initially mistook it for a night gown and now she looked down and studied it, a hooded flannel shirt and sweatpants.

What do you want

It was a statement of wonder, he was still looking directly at her face, studying it and trying to figure out what she was.

I need your help, Jere

I gathered that

Let me in

I don't think so

He smirked, he hadn't moved at all in the time he stood there. She had let her arms fall casually after knocking, her purse pushed behind her back on a long strap.

He studied her for a moment, looking her up and down. She wore a black cocktail dress and black flats with pointed toes. Her hair was tousled and dirty like she slept outdoors, her fingers were caked with dark earth and fingernails splintered, nail polish chipped, but she had taken the time to touch up the makeup on her face.

She looked him in the eye and commanded, but you do think so.

He raised his eyebrows like he felt sorry for her.

But I don't think so.

He began to close the door.

Wait

What

I need your help

You said that

They're going to kill me, Jere

He looked in her eyes and real emotion had crept through, she looked frightened.

Come in

•

She immediately grabbed him and kissed his mouth, he kissed her back and they wobbled back to the couch, she straddled him and held his face and he caressed her shoulders and ran his fingers through her hair, pulling free grass and small roots, insects and earthworms.

She stopped and looked in his eyes, tell me what you are. Another forceful command.

He raised his eyebrows again, wrinkles spread across his forehead and around his eyes.

I don't know what you mean.

She paused and looked at his face, his mouth stained by her makeup, his smudged grandpa glasses, her foundation in his beard.

I'm Kendra, she put her hand awkwardly between them.

He took it in his hand and twisted it, kissing the top of it and his beard tickled her.

Nice to meet you, Kendra.

She could feel his body pulsing with life, the warmth of him, he had a strong scent of patchouli and leather, a hint of an extinguished candle and paper.

A knock at the door startled them, five in total, something large pounding it, the pictures and mirror on the wall rattling.

•

He sighed and looked at her, his hands on her hips. Take a shower, he gently maneuvered her and she stepped backwards off his lap. She looked worried, put a dirty finger in her mouth.

Don't fret, go

She walked back to the hallway and stopped, looking back.

Shower, he pointed and she finally relented.

He waited until he heard the shower turn on and then he opened the door.

Hi there

Three men stood there wearing black pillow cases on their heads. He laughed, wonderful.

One of them reached for him and he stepped back and slammed the door on his arm. The other two rushed in and pushed the door open.

Jere stepped back and picked up a long knife from the end table and threw the sheath on the floor.

The three men stepped into the room and spread out, Jere kept the couch between him and one of them, then lunged forward, three of one man's fingers fell to the floor.

Ready, he asked.

The man looked down and realized they were his fingers and screamed, globs of blood hit the floor.

The second man tried to move behind him but Jere stepped backwards and lifted an end table with the palm of one hand and hurled it, clobbering the man and sending him to the floor.

The remaining man had lunged and Jere stepped sideways to the spot where the end table had been and used the knife to push him into the kitchen island, glass and fruit hit the floor.

Ready to die, Jere asked the man still standing.

Lets go

He backed sideways out of the apartment, one man picked up his fingers, the other stood up and rushed Jere but his momentum was stopped when Jere kicked his knee and stabbed him behind the shoulder blade, twisting him onto the floor. The table and some chairs in the kitchen skidded when his body hit it.

Jere turned to face him and watched the other two retreat from the apartment.

Goodbye, Joseph.

The man looked at him from the floor terrified behind the black sack on his head, a tear in his eye, groaning. A look of disbelief.

How?

The question gurgling as blood entered the lungs, his chest cavity.

Jere stabbed him in the eye and Joseph twitched for a moment then went limp, air leaving his lungs, the smell of waste.

Jere used his free shoulder to pin the man while he worked the knife out of his head and stood up. The other two men were gone, the shower still running.

•

She emerged wearing a towel on her head and one around her body, walked barefoot and damp down the hall.

Jere

She heard the front door close and he stood looking a little sweaty. She could smell pine cleaner and the trash can was open, a vacuum cleaner next to it.

Hi Kendra, I was just cleaning up.

She looked at the room and other than the missing bowl and the pile of fruit on the kitchen island everything looked like it did when she entered the apartment.

You move fast, she shot him a predatory look, clearly impressed.

Come here, baby

or, this baby here can fit so much sorrow

Content warning: Rape.

He buried himself deep inside and nutted in her. He paused and tried to recover, laughing under his breath. Feels so good, he looked up and she was unconscious.

You alive, he slapped her face and she snorted.

Still breathing, he slowly pulled himself out of her and groaned then flopped onto the bed beside her.

He looked over and worried that she might get sick in the night and choke on it so he snuck an arm under her shoulder and tried to roll her. Dead weight. But, he got her up on her side and leaned her forward.

Wha what's going on, she was talking in her sleep.

He froze, panic struck, afraid of the conversation. He pretended he was trying to cuddle with her, kept his arm around her until she snorted and went back to sleep. Then he withdrew, satisfied she was on her side, stuffed a pillow under her back and looked at the vast wet spot she left behind on what was now his side of the bed.

He pulled his clothes on and stepped into the hall, unsure about leaving the door unlocked at first but there was no one there to see that he didn't have a key on his way out.

He sat down in the car and turned the engine and a throbbing and repetitive song came on, a chorus beckoned to be released. He recognized the song, breathed through his nose, a combination of the woman's perfume, alcohol, and the car smell hit him. He felt a tingling behind his ear and scratched at it.

He pulled out his phone and searched for a contact, it was blocked. He unblocked it and wrote, sorry I blocked you I had to be sure.

The message said sent, not delivered.

He sat listening to the song and it faded out, then a new song began with almost a hissing rhythm, low piano cords ringing out and holding, the ping of a paint can into the reverb.

His eyes searched the dashboard and he opened the center console, emptied out the glove box, there were no cigarettes.

Panic struck, he texted again, cigarettes.

He called his friend and left a voicemail, hey this is Phil I'm not sure who to call about this but I need to talk. I think I am remembering some things and uh. His eyes searched the darkness of the neighborhood ahead of him, the apartment parking lot. I don't think I can do this anymore. I should have believed her, man.

He hung up and put the car in gear, backing up and driving slowly out of the parking lot.

The song continued as he turned onto the street and he was crying.

And another Saturday has come to an end. It's not been particularly note-worthy in any way, shape, or form. That's okay, because it means no disaster has swooped down on me. And for that I'm thankful.

posted Saturday, Apr 20, 2024 at ~10:37 PM #QNAPR2024

Saturday 20/Apr/2024

Prayers, etc.: • 08:00 – Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel followed by the Angelus • 09:15 – The Glorious Mysteries of the Holy Rosary. Followed by The Memorare • 10:10 – Thought for today from Archbishop Lefebvre: It is not enough to think of our Lord Jesus Christ just during our exercises of piety. We have to live continually in His presence, in a way, so that we instinctively bring back to Him all of the little events that make up the fabric of our lives. • 12:00 – the Angelus • 18:00 – the Angelus • 21:10 – The hour of Compline for tonight according to the Traditional Pre-Vatican II Divine Office, followed by Fr. Chad Rippberger's Prayer of Command to protect my family, my sons, my daughter and her family, my granddaughters and their families, my great grandchildren, and everyone for whom I have responsibility from any demonic activity. – And that followed by the Saturday Prayers of the Association of the Auxilium Christianorum.

Health Metrics: • bw= 220.50 lbs. • bp= 137/73 (70)

Diet: • 08:45 – ½ pb&j sandwich, 1 banana • 10:30 – 2 pieces of pizza

Chores, etc.: • 09:00 – bank accounts activity monitored • 11:00 – College Football – watching the Michigan Spring Intrasquad Game • 13:00 – moved over to UFL, Memphis vs. St. Louis • 14:00 – moved over to PGA Tour coverage • 17:00 – started following news reports from various sources • 18:30 – an old episode of Wheel of Fortune • 19:00 – tonight's Svengoolie.

Chess: • 11:40 – moved in all pending CC games

posted Saturday 20/Apr/2024 ~21:30 #DLAPR2024

I spent the last week traveling for work. I got home yesterday afternoon, minutes before the kids got home from school. I was excited to see them. Video calls are great, but just aren't the same as seeing someone you love and care about in person. We played a bit. I unpacked. I put on a load of laundry.

While I was away, the oldest of my spawns had learned to make bread in culinary class. They insisted on making some for me to try.

I layed in bed, trying to stay awake, while the bread was being made.

Travel is exhausting.

The youngest bounced back and forth from the couch with cartoons proffered up on the TV and my bed. I cought little snippets of a nap, but nothing to be excited about.

The bread was very good.

My spouse came home. Looking just as tired as I felt. I'm sure their week was equally, if not more, trying. Solo parenting is no easy thing.

Grandparents came and collected the youngest for their weekly sleepover.

We layed around. It was getting late, but no one felt like cooking dinner. The oldest spawn and I went out for sushi and poke bowls. Brought some back for my spouse, but they were already asleep.

I watched TV.

Slept.

Still feeling lazy, we all ate sushi and leftover edamame for breakfast.

More laundry.

Chit-chat over mugs of coffee and empty plastic sushi trays.

More laundry. The washing, not the putting away.

Grandma returned the youngest. We watched the newest episode of Bluey. I won't spoil it for you. It was good though.

Take out the trash.

The rest of the weekend will likely play out in a similar fashion.

I need to get my kayak out of storage. I bought some upgrades for it that came in while I was away. I want to get them put on and get out on the water for the first time since last fall.

Maybe tomorrow.

I downloaded Todoist, but I've yet to delve into it. I'm not sure it will work for me, but we will see. Maybe I'll get to later today. Maybe I won't. I'm not in a hurry.

Groceries need to be ordered.

Picked up.

The oldest needs new clothes.

The humdrum cycle of life.

Until next week.

#blog

#familytime

#musings

Hit the 100-page mark on Salman Rushdie's THE SATANIC VERSES, my threshold for testing my appetite for any given book. It still feels like a drop in THE SATANIC VERSES' hellish waters, because it's not even a quarter of the way through and I'm not entirely sure what it's even about yet. Rushdie writes beautifully. It's all very poetic, but I haven't the slightest clue what the hell is going on most of the time. When I do have a grasp on the narrative, it is in fact captivating, but those pages are far and few between.

Just put the child down and my body is aching and my brain is dead and I cannot for the life of me see myself spending my extremely limited leisure time carrying on with THE SATANIC VERSES. Do I feel guilty for putting it aside? Not right now. Maybe tomorrow.

Need a palette cleanser of sorts, something easy that I know I'll enjoy. It's been years since I've read Elmore Leonard, who's always an easy bet for me. I think I'll read TOUCH, a battered old paperback of which I picked up in Denver for three bucks some years ago and have yet to crack open. Pages literally falling out, this may be the last time this particular copy will ever be read by anyone.

#reads

The other day I decided to take a walk. It was raining a bit, so I wore my trench coat, and figured that a little rain wasn't going to melt me. I had a destination in mind, roughly two miles from my house. I set out, listening to a podcast, enjoying the freedom of just moving, just walking to walk.

After about half a mile the rain turned to snow. No big deal. Another few minutes and it was heavy snow. “Okay,” I thought, “I can cope.” by the time I was a mile from home, the wind picked up, driving the snow into my face and freezing my hands. “Now this is a big deal,” I thought. “I should probably turn back.”

But why? I was over halfway to my destination, and while there was nothing really driving me to reach my destination, I didn't really feel like turning back. So without fully understanding why, I kept going.

And I realized something. I hated this experience. I was cold. I was wet. The wind was blowing hard, there was nothing noble about my goal, or about the attainment of my goal. I was just doing it because I had misjudged the weather. I could have called my wife at any time to come pick me up. But I didn't want to. The snow was miserable, but it wasn't going to kill me. So I kept going. And it wasn't like I suddenly started liking it, but I was still somewhat cheerful, in spite of hating the snow. And as I kept going the idea formed: “I can go through things that I hate and not get grumpy about it.” I acknowledged the miserable feeling, summed it up in three simple words: “I hate this.” That feeling didn't go away. But it didn't have to control me.

Pain and discomfort, these are signals that something needs to change, something has caused or is causing me harm. But once I have acknowledged that the discomfort is manageable, that I do not need to alter my behavior to avoid harm, the pain can be dismissed. It's not easy of course. But I think we are good at this on some level. People who have to give themselves frequent injections or blood tests get more calm about the procedure. Not that it doesn't still hurt sometimes, it does. But we know that the pain is “ignorable”, that it doesn't indicate something we need to change, it's something that we need to endure in the service of a desired goal, and our mood doesn't have to be influenced.

So what about social pains? Ostensibly they arise from the same basic source: something bad has happened, we need to take care of it before it causes lasting harm to ourselves or others. But are there social pains that can or should be ignored?

I'm not sure. Perhaps we can say there are social pains that we can bear, acknowledging that they come from a real source, but that we are bearing them in the service of a positive outcome, just like we can bear the discomfort of an immunization shot in the service of avoiding a life-threatening illness.

“Marijuana smoking by white youth represented a symbolic threat to normative suburban values and capitalist ideologies” — Mathew D. Lassiter on America's war on drugs.

The U.S. military's Southern Command (SOUTHCOM) expresses concern over China's expanding presence in Antigua and in the Caribbean region.

House passes contentious Ukraine, Israel, Taiwan aid package — “China, Russia, Iran and North Korea are working together in a new axis of evil to harm our alliances and undermine our national security,” House Armed Services Chairman Mike Rogers, R-Ala., said on the floor ahead of the vote.

Some light reading after failing to put the little one down for nap time. Thought for sure soccer practice would zonk him out. Could use a little shuteye myself tbh.

#journal

Après avoir appris que Women Who Code, une organisation œuvrant à l'avancement des femmes dans le secteur des technologies qui dit avoir plus de 360 000 membres dans 145 pays, mettait fin à ses activités en invoquant une insuffisance de revenus, j’ai eu envie d’aller voir ce qu’il en est au Québec de la place des femmes en TI.

#Egalite #Emplois #Femmes #MainDOeuvre #Prejuges #Stereotypes #TI

Du côté de l'Observatoire québécois des inégalités, la responsable de la stratégie éditoriale Marianne Castelan se demandait en mars dernier pourquoi y a-t-il si peu de femmes dans les métiers des technologies de l’information? À peine le quart des emplois en TI sont occupés par des femmes.

Marianne Castelan a interrogé Geneviève Taurand, product manager (Transportation & iTwin Product Management) chez Bentley et Marianne-Sarah Saulnier, anthropologue, spécialiste des questions d’intersectionnalité. En gros, il y aurait à la base une perception biaisée basée sur des stéréotypes qui éloigne les filles des programmes de formation en TI. Peu de filles étudient dans ce domaine, donc peu de femmes y oeuvrent.

Pour sa part, Andréanne Tardif, conseillère en recrutement TI, mettait l'accent en 2020 sur trois principaux aspects négatifs: le manque de réseaux, de mentors et de modèles féminins de réussite, les enjeux d’articulation travail-vie personnelle et le manque d'intérêt des jeunes filles pour les TI en général.

Curieusement, dans la note de recherche Les femmes en technologies de l’information : Les enjeux de formation et d’inclusion rédigée en 2020, on apprend que la part des femmes dans les professions informatiques a diminué de 1987 à 2016.

Dans cette note, la professeure au département économie et gestion à l'Université TÉLUQ Diane-Gabrielle Tremblay et la sociologue Valérie Harvey ont fait un examen de la littérature liée à ce phénomène sous deux angles: les facteurs liés à l’entreprise, ou à l’offre d’emploi, et d’autre part, les facteurs liés aux femmes, ou à leur demande d’emploi.

Du côté de l'entreprise, les travaux de recherche qu'elles ont consultés évoquent la discrimination et le sexisme dans l’embauche et le milieu de travail, le fait que les milieux de travail masculins ont tendance à se reproduire, contribuant à un effet de filtre, à quoi s'ajoutent les effets de réseau, par le fait que des amis peuvent intégrer leurs amis, ou leurs semblables dans l’entreprise.

Un fois embauchées, les femmes font face à la difficulté de concilier le travail avec leur vie familiale, doublé d'un milieu de travail favorisant largement les représentations masculines (performance, compétition, leadership).

Ajoutons les jugements de type slut shaming lorsqu’une femme en TI affiche une image typée « féminine ». Les hommes, majoritaires en entreprise, ont tendance en effet à critiquer, voire disqualifier une femme dont l’attitude ou l’habillement est jugé trop provoquant.

Bref, il semble y avoir un esprit de corps masculin qui rejette carrément, ou tout au plus tolère avec agacement, la présence de femmes en TI. Tout serait bon pour les discréditer.

Au-delà de la littérature, Diane-Gabrielle Tremblay et Valérie Harvey ont voulu voir ce qu'il en était sur le terrain.

Devant le constat d’une faible présence des femmes dans le secteur des TI, secteur pourtant bien rémunéré et qui devrait donc être intéressant pour les femmes, nous voulions déterminer pour quelles raisons les femmes y sont si peu présentes. Comme le sujet est peu documenté, nous avons retenu une méthode qualitative pour aborder le sujet.

Elles ont donc rencontré 39 femmes venant principalement de l’industrie des jeux vidéo, quelques-unes d’entreprises de télécommunication ou d’assurances.

Pour plusieurs, selon leur parcours de vie, l’entourage familial ou conjugal peut représenter une clé importante pour la motivation à persister ou, hélas au contraire, à choisir une autre voie.

Au-delà des parents qui peuvent s'avérer un obstacle en remettant en question le choix de leur fille, le milieu scolaire peut aussi décourager les étudiantes à persister en TI.

Les statistiques sur les femmes en TI, que ce soit aux études ou en emplois, cachent le fait qu’elles étudient et se dirigent principalement vers les spécialisations artistiques, des emplois moins bien rémunérés et plus précaires. Celles qui optent pour les domaines plus masculins, comme la programmation, l’architecture des systèmes ou la sécurité informatique, sont en conséquence encore plus minoritaires que ne le laissent voir les chiffres plus globaux.

Ajoutons que si certain·e·s enseignant·e·s vont reconnaître et encourager le potentiel d’une étudiante dans le domaine des TI, mais ça semble loin d'être une attitude majoritaire. Pire, les jeunes filles qui empruntent la voie des TI ne sont pas toujours encouragées à poursuivre leurs études.

Bref dans le milieu des TI, depuis l'enseignement jusqu'au marché du travail, les femmes font face à un «quota» non-dit favorisant les hommes.

C'est la fin de ce quota basé sur des stéréotypes et préjugés qu'il faut viser pour que les femmes puissent enfin prendre leur pleine et entière place en TI.

Sinon ça demeurera une cause perdue.

Source de l’image: Pexels (photo par Christina Morillo).