Mark 15 is often read quickly because it feels so familiar. We know the outline. We know the ending. We know the cross. But when you slow down and let this chapter breathe, something unsettling happens. You realize this is not simply a story about death. It is a story about exposure. It is the moment when power is unmasked, when cruelty becomes ordinary, when fear pretends to be justice, and when love refuses to defend itself. This chapter is not written like poetry. It is written like a record. And that is exactly why it hurts.

Jesus does not enter Mark 15 as a hero. He enters it as a problem. He is inconvenient to the religious system. He is dangerous to political stability. He is uncomfortable to people who would rather preserve order than confront truth. So He is handed from one authority to another like a piece of evidence no one wants responsibility for. The trial before Pilate is not about guilt or innocence. It is about liability. Pilate knows Jesus has done nothing deserving death. The crowd knows it too. But knowledge is not the same thing as courage. And courage is what this chapter keeps asking for and never receiving from the powerful.

Pilate stands in front of the Son of God and asks Him a political question. “Art thou the King of the Jews?” It sounds religious, but it is really about control. Kings threaten empires. Titles create fear. Jesus answers simply, “Thou sayest it.” He does not deny it, but He does not fight for it either. His silence is not weakness. It is intention. He will not prove Himself through spectacle. He will not beg to be spared. He will not manipulate sympathy. He stands there as truth and lets lies expose themselves.

The crowd is given a choice. Barabbas or Jesus. A known criminal or a man who healed the sick. A rebel who shed blood or a teacher who gave life. And the crowd chooses Barabbas. This moment is not about their ignorance. It is about their fear. Barabbas represents violent change. Jesus represents moral change. One promises revenge. The other demands repentance. The crowd chooses the one that feels powerful rather than the one that feels true. That choice echoes across history. Every generation chooses between the comfort of rage and the discomfort of transformation.

Pilate washes his hands of the decision, but washing your hands does not make you innocent. It only means you did not want to feel responsible. He gives the order for Jesus to be scourged and crucified, and then the soldiers take over. What happens next is not judicial. It is recreational. They dress Jesus in purple. They twist a crown of thorns. They mock Him as king. They strike Him. They kneel in false worship. This is not about discipline. It is about humiliation. The cruelty is intentional. They are not trying to kill Him yet. They are trying to erase His dignity first.

There is something disturbing about how normal this feels to them. No one stops it. No one questions it. It is just another prisoner, another execution, another day of work. This is what unchecked power looks like when it gets bored. The chapter does not dramatize this moment. It reports it. And that is what makes it so heavy. Evil rarely announces itself. It usually clocks in and does its job.

When they lead Jesus out to be crucified, He is too weak to carry His own cross. A man named Simon of Cyrene is forced to carry it for Him. Simon does not volunteer. He is compelled. And yet his name is recorded forever. This is one of the strange patterns of Scripture. The people who do not choose the burden often end up being shaped by it the most. Simon did not wake up that day planning to touch the cross. But once he did, his life was never the same. Sometimes the holiest moments arrive uninvited.

At Golgotha, they offer Jesus wine mixed with myrrh, a crude anesthetic. He refuses it. This is not because He wants pain. It is because He intends to be present. He will not dull what must be faced. He will not escape what must be carried. He will experience the weight of human suffering without retreat. Then they crucify Him. Mark does not describe the nails. He does not describe the blood. He does not describe the agony. He simply says, “And they crucified him.” The simplicity of the sentence is devastating. It is as if language itself refuses to linger.

Above His head they place the charge: “The King of the Jews.” It is meant to mock Him. It ends up proclaiming Him. Two thieves are crucified with Him, one on either side. The Scripture is fulfilled that He is numbered with the transgressors. He is not between saints. He is between criminals. This is not an accident. It is a statement. He dies where broken people die. He hangs where society discards what it does not want to deal with. He enters death in the company of guilt so that guilt will never be alone again.

The crowd mocks Him. The religious leaders mock Him. Even those crucified with Him mock Him. “Save thyself, and come down from the cross.” They believe power means escape. They believe victory means avoidance. They think if He were truly who He claimed to be, He would refuse the suffering. They do not understand that the suffering is the mission. He is not proving He is God by coming down. He is proving He is love by staying up.

Then something happens that cannot be explained by politics or psychology. At the sixth hour, darkness covers the land. The sun refuses to cooperate with the execution. Creation itself responds to what humanity is doing. The light withdraws. Time feels suspended. And Jesus cries out, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” This is not doubt. It is quotation. He is speaking Psalm 22. He is not abandoning faith. He is entering the deepest language of lament. He is expressing what it feels like to carry the weight of separation. Not from God’s presence, but from God’s comfort.

This moment is where theology becomes personal. This is where salvation stops being abstract and becomes relational. Jesus is not simply dying. He is experiencing the distance that sin creates. He is tasting the isolation that rebellion produces. He is standing in the emotional territory of every human who has ever felt abandoned by heaven. And He does it without running.

Some think He is calling for Elijah. Others misunderstand Him. This is another pattern. Pain is rarely interpreted correctly by spectators. When someone is suffering deeply, the crowd often mislabels it. They turn agony into drama. They turn prayer into spectacle. They turn grief into rumor. Jesus’ final moments are surrounded by misunderstanding. And yet He continues.

When He breathes His last, the veil of the temple is torn in two from top to bottom. This is not a coincidence. The veil separated the Holy of Holies from the rest of the temple. It represented distance between God and humanity. And now it is torn. Not from the bottom up, as if by human effort, but from the top down, as if by divine action. God is not waiting to be reached. He is stepping out.

And then comes one of the quietest and most important lines in the chapter. A Roman centurion, a man whose job is execution, looks at Jesus and says, “Truly this man was the Son of God.” The first person to publicly confess Jesus as God in Mark’s Gospel is not a disciple. It is not a priest. It is not a prophet. It is a soldier who just watched Him die. This is what the cross does. It reveals God in places no one expects.

The women watch from a distance. They have followed Him. They have supported Him. They have stayed. While most of the disciples fled, the women remain. They do not rescue Him. They do not argue with the soldiers. They simply witness. Faith does not always look like action. Sometimes it looks like presence. They are there when the sky goes dark. They are there when He breathes His last. They are there when the crowd leaves. They do not turn away from the ending.

Joseph of Arimathea steps forward and asks Pilate for the body. This is an act of courage. To be associated with Jesus now is dangerous. The movement looks finished. The man looks defeated. And yet Joseph chooses dignity over safety. He wraps Jesus in linen and places Him in a tomb. The stone is rolled into place. The story appears closed.

Mark 15 ends without triumph. It ends with silence. The King is dead. The disciples are scattered. The crowd has gone home. The religious leaders think the problem is solved. And the women mark the location of the grave.

This chapter is not written to make us admire Jesus from a distance. It is written to expose us. We see ourselves in Pilate when we avoid responsibility. We see ourselves in the crowd when we choose what feels powerful over what is right. We see ourselves in the soldiers when cruelty becomes routine. We see ourselves in the mockers when we demand proof instead of surrender. And if we are honest, we also see ourselves in the women who stay but do not yet understand.

Mark 15 is not asking if Jesus can die. It is asking why we wanted Him to. It is asking what kind of world kills healers and frees criminals. It is asking what happens when truth threatens comfort. It is asking how far love is willing to go to reach those who run from it.

The cross is not God’s response to human failure. It is God’s response to human fear. Fear of losing control. Fear of admitting guilt. Fear of being changed. Jesus does not die because Rome is strong. He dies because humanity is afraid.

And yet in that fear, something holy happens. God does not answer violence with violence. He does not answer accusation with defense. He does not answer mockery with fire. He answers it with endurance. He answers it with forgiveness. He answers it with presence.

This is why the cross still matters. It is not a symbol of suffering alone. It is a mirror. It shows us who we are when threatened. It shows us who God is when rejected. It shows us what love looks like when it has no leverage.

We like resurrection. We like victory. We like open tombs and angelic announcements. But Mark 15 reminds us that before hope, there is honesty. Before dawn, there is darkness. Before new life, there is the courage to face death without pretending it is not real.

Jesus does not escape Mark 15. He enters it. He walks through it. He carries the weight of human cruelty and human confusion and human sin without becoming cruel, confused, or sinful Himself. He lets the worst of us do its worst to Him so that the best of God can be shown to us.

And the most unsettling truth is this. If Jesus had come down from the cross, the crowd would have believed in His power. But because He stayed, the centurion believed in His identity. Power impresses. Love convinces.

Mark 15 is the chapter where God refuses to save Himself so that He can save us. It is the day the sky darkened. It is the hour the veil tore. It is the moment death thought it had won and did not yet know it had lost.

This is not the end of the story. But it is the price of the next chapter.

Mark 15 does not close with thunder or angels. It closes with a sealed stone and watched silence. That is intentional. The Gospel refuses to rush us past the cost. It leaves us sitting in the unresolved space where faith feels most fragile. The Messiah is dead. The promises look broken. The movement looks finished. And yet this is the exact place where God does His deepest work—where certainty collapses and trust must decide whether it will still breathe.

What makes this chapter so uncomfortable is that it does not allow us to hide behind distance. We are not told about “them.” We are shown “us.” Pilate is not an ancient villain; he is the modern instinct to avoid conflict. The crowd is not an ancient mob; it is the voice of public opinion when it becomes louder than conscience. The soldiers are not ancient brutes; they are what happens when suffering becomes procedural. The mockers are not ancient skeptics; they are the reflex to demand spectacle instead of submission. Mark 15 is not history alone. It is diagnosis.

The strange thing is that Jesus never once defends Himself. He answers when asked directly, but He does not argue. He does not plead. He does not try to shift blame. He does not rehearse miracles. He does not summon angels. He does not threaten Rome. He does not scold the priests. He allows the lie to finish speaking. That silence is not surrender. It is authority. It says that truth does not need to shout. It says that love does not need to prove itself through domination. It says that God will win without becoming what He is saving us from.

When Jesus is mocked as king, the irony is unbearable. They dress Him in purple. They crown Him with thorns. They bow in false homage. They strike Him. They laugh. They believe they are humiliating Him. In reality, they are revealing Him. Kings of this world wear gold and rule by fear. This King wears pain and rules by sacrifice. His throne is wood. His crown is thorns. His scepter is endurance. And His kingdom does not arrive by conquest but by consent. He does not take power from humanity. He gives Himself to it.

There is a moment in this chapter that is easy to miss but spiritually enormous. Jesus refuses the wine mixed with myrrh. He does not numb Himself. He does not anesthetize the pain. He remains awake to it. He remains present inside it. He chooses consciousness over comfort. This is what love looks like when it commits. It does not dull the cost. It carries it. It does not avoid suffering. It enters it. He will not float above human agony. He will inhabit it.

When they crucify Him, Mark does not describe the mechanics. There is no gore. No graphic detail. No emotional manipulation. Just the sentence. “And they crucified him.” That restraint is devastating. It forces the reader to supply the weight. It refuses to turn suffering into spectacle. It preserves dignity even in death. Scripture does not need to exaggerate pain to make it holy. The holiness is in the obedience.

The title above His head is meant to mock, but it becomes proclamation. “The King of the Jews.” Rome means it as ridicule. Heaven receives it as truth. The charge is political. The reality is eternal. Jesus is not executed for murder or theft. He is executed for identity. The accusation is not what He did. It is who He is. This is why His death is not merely tragic. It is revelatory. It shows what happens when divine truth stands in human systems built on fear.

He is crucified between criminals. This is not poetic accident. It is theological intention. He does not die among the innocent. He dies among the guilty. He does not distance Himself from sin. He places Himself inside its consequences. He is not merely sympathizing with sinners. He is standing where they stand. He is not saving humanity from above. He is saving it from within.

The mockers demand that He save Himself. They believe rescue equals legitimacy. They believe survival equals authority. But Jesus reveals a different logic. If He saves Himself, He abandons us. If He escapes the cross, He leaves sin untouched. If He avoids death, He avoids redemption. The power of God is not shown by escape. It is shown by endurance. The cross is not the failure of Jesus’ mission. It is the fulfillment of it.

Then the sky darkens. This is not weather. This is witness. Creation reacts to the death of its Creator. The sun withdraws. Light hides. The world pauses. It is as if the universe refuses to proceed as normal while God is being executed by His own creation. Darkness is not just absence here. It is grief.

Jesus’ cry is not a breakdown of faith. It is a declaration of solidarity with the abandoned. He does not say, “I no longer believe.” He says, “Why hast thou forsaken me?” This is not disbelief. It is lament. It is the language of trust under strain. He is not questioning God’s existence. He is expressing the human experience of distance. He is speaking the words that millions of broken people have spoken in their darkest hours. And by speaking them, He sanctifies them. Prayer is not always praise. Sometimes it is pain with God’s name still attached to it.

The misunderstanding continues even here. Some think He is calling Elijah. They do not hear Him clearly. Pain distorts perception. People project myths onto suffering. They interpret agony as drama. But Jesus’ cry is not for rescue. It is the final bearing of separation so that separation can end.

When He dies, the veil tears. This is the quiet earthquake of the chapter. The barrier between God and humanity is ripped open. Access is no longer restricted. Presence is no longer hidden. God does not stay behind the curtain while humanity bleeds. He steps into exposure. He opens the way not by invitation but by destruction of the wall.

And then the centurion speaks. He has seen death before. He has watched bodies collapse. He has supervised executions. This is not new to him. But this death is different. This silence is different. This endurance is different. And he names it. “Truly this man was the Son of God.” The first human to say it openly is not a disciple. It is an executioner. That is the power of the cross. It convinces enemies. It awakens strangers. It reaches across professions, politics, and prejudices.

The women remain. They watch. They do not flee. They do not shout. They do not intervene. They witness. In a world that worships action, this is quiet courage. They stay with the dying when others run from the danger. They hold the place of memory. They become the keepers of the ending so they can become the witnesses of the beginning. Their faith does not look like solutions. It looks like loyalty.

Joseph of Arimathea steps out of secrecy. Until now, he has been a hidden follower. Now he risks association. He asks for the body. He provides a tomb. He honors a condemned man when it is no longer useful to do so. This is the cost of late courage. It arrives when applause is gone. It appears when risk remains but reward is unclear. Joseph’s faith shows up after death, not before it. And God receives it.

The stone is rolled in place. The chapter closes. There is no miracle yet. There is no angel yet. There is no triumph yet. There is only the sealed silence of a tomb.

This is where Mark 15 leaves us. With the cost visible and the outcome hidden.

And this is where our own faith often lives. Between promise and proof. Between confession and confirmation. Between what God has said and what we can see. We want Mark 16 without sitting inside Mark 15. We want resurrection without crucifixion. We want victory without surrender. But the Gospel does not allow that shortcut.

The cross is not just something Jesus endured. It is something we must understand. It shows us what sin looks like when it meets love. It shows us what power looks like when it refuses to dominate. It shows us what God is willing to endure to remain God while saving humanity.

Mark 15 does not present Jesus as a tragic hero. It presents Him as a faithful servant. He does not die because He is overwhelmed. He dies because He is obedient. He does not lose control. He gives it. He does not get trapped. He chooses to stay.

The greatest misunderstanding about the cross is that it is God’s reaction to sin. It is not. It is God’s decision about relationship. Sin could have been punished from a distance. Humanity could have been abandoned. Justice could have been executed without incarnation. But God chose presence. He chose proximity. He chose vulnerability. He chose to let the cost be personal.

This is why the cross is not just a religious symbol. It is a relational one. It says God does not love humanity from safety. He loves humanity from inside suffering. He does not shout forgiveness from heaven. He bleeds it on earth.

Mark 15 shows us that God is not impressed by power displays. He is revealed by sacrificial endurance. He is not recognized by crowds. He is confessed by those who see Him die without hate. The centurion sees it. The women know it. Joseph honors it. And heaven records it.

We often ask where God is when things fall apart. Mark 15 answers that question with a cross. He is there. Silent. Bleeding. Staying.

The world thought it ended a movement. It sealed a tomb. It went home satisfied. It did not realize it had only closed a door long enough for God to work unseen. Resurrection requires burial. New life requires letting go. Victory requires passing through defeat without surrendering to it.

Mark 15 is the chapter where love does not flinch. Where truth does not retreat. Where God does not abandon humanity even when humanity abandons Him.

It is the chapter that proves salvation is not an idea. It is a cost.

And that cost was paid without complaint.

Not because God enjoys suffering.

But because God refuses to leave us alone inside it.

Your friend, Douglas Vandergraph

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Tags: #música

NB Parker me tiró la caña esta vez y a mi MARO me gusta mucho desde antes incluso de sacar su primer disco…

Este es el último que ha publicado. Hay en el mundo muchos discos de duelo por una pérdida sentimental. Muy pocos como este. Maro es una mujer muy lista además de talentosa. El otro día decía yo que el amor romántico es la negación del amor y por eso es tan deprimente.

No hace tanto me decía el Príncipe negro que a él le parecía incomprensible mi postura de preferir a alguien que me importa feliz sin mi que mal o aburrido conmigo. La clave, creo, está en querer a la gente. Que te importen. Quererlas por lo que son como seres humanos y no como piezas en tu puzzle.

Maro esto lo entiende perfectamente. Esta relación terminará cuando seamos amigos, canta. Otra cosa que pasa con ciertos terapeutas fake de tiktok es que plantean el contacto cero como una forma de castigo, tortura o prueba de fortaleza, dependiendo de la corriente que manejen.

El contacto cero es el espacio de tiempo que necesitas para sanar y decidir qué relación quieres tener con la otra persona. Ella contigo. Y si eso encaja de alguna forma.

Es muy difícil que esto funcione en las lógicas del presunto amor presuntamente romántico. Es muy difícil que ese tiempo sin contacto deje de considerarse un rearme. Una trégua entre batallas.

Pero Maro es una mujer muy lista. Construyó otra cosa desde otro sitio. Algo que ya no funciona. Que hay que volver a reconstruir. Duele. Claro que duele.

Te metes en tu burbuja a cantar bajito. A entender por qué no funciona. Qué se rompió. Qué queda entero.

Te metes en tu burbuja a hacer tu parte confiando en que al otro lado haya alguien jugando limpio. Pero sabiendo en el fondo que da igual lo sucio que juegue. Porque tu juego limpio es suficiente para hacer la cicatriz. La tuya. La que cura la herida por la que podrías desangrarte. Y nadie puede curar heridas ajenas.

Maro susurra verdades como puños. Las incómodas y las otras. En las rupturas siempre están las dos. Tampoco funciona fingir que no hay nada bueno. Que nunca lo hubo.

Maro susurra mientras florece. Unas percusiones con sabor caboverdiano. Unas segundas voces como un eco en tu cabeza que también suenan a música morna.

It aint over es, con mucha diferencia, la mejor canción de un disco lleno de canciones preciosas, auténticas. It aint over no existiría sin el proceso de escribir las demás. Aunque esté justo en medio del disco es el final de un camino. Pero también el principio de otro.

Es esperanzador escucharla. Pensar que alguien en el mundo ha elegido entenderse, entender a quien quiere. Aceptar la realidad. Cuidar ese amor hasta las últimas consecuencias. Cuidarlo para que solo pueda matarlo su destinatario. Es una forma de justicia poética involuntaria estar en el mundo, hacer música, habiendo entendido tan bien qué te hace ser feliz. Ser capaz de hacer felices a otras personas.

Algunas cosas tienen que acabar para que muchas otras comiencen. Perder es negarte lo que sientes. Negarte la posibilidad de sentirlo. Maro ha hecho un disco donde todo late. Sabe perfectamente qué está haciendo. Hay una luz deslumbrante que se va encendiendo a medida que las canciones avanzan. Unas baterías que los guardianes del canon llaman pop porque están en un disco de una chavala. Pues ok. Pop. Sea. Lo que sea. Escuchad a Maro mientras vivís. Y todo estará al menos un poco mejor.

No matter who you are or what you do — Murder on the Orient Express you've heard about before. Granted, you may not know the story, but none the less, you know of it's existence.

The description on the Audible page even goes as far as calling it “The most widely read mystery of all time [...]“. And I'm inclined to believe it.

The story

This story's fame is well deserved. It's so well written. The characters, the setting, the mystery — it's all first class. The book is engaging from beginning to the end. It never drifts off and never loses it's focus.

Technically this title #10 in the Hercule Poirot series, but that doesn't matter in the slightest. It was my first book in the series and I never felt like I missed anything.

The recording

The Harper Audio recording of Dan Stevens is first class. The audio quality is good with clear sound and little to no noise.

Dan Stevens meanwhile does an amazing job. The emphasis is always spot on. And the characters' voices are done very well. The voices are distinct and consistent; I didn't notice a single fault throughout the entire reading.

And the accents are great. One might argue that they are a bit over the top, stereotypical even. But that's how they need to be. Both stereotypes and prejudices play an important roe in this book. Even the characters themselves breach the issue a couple of times. So in that sense also, the voices match both the characters and the story.

tl;dr: Who should listen to this?

Absolutely everyone. Especially if you know the story as of yet.

https://www.audible.de/pd/Murder-on-the-Orient-Express-Hoerbuch/B00ET99TPU

“Hver anklage er en innrømmelse” har blitt et munnhell i møte med ytre høyre. Hvis du lurer på hva de gjør, eller kommer til å gjøre, så er det bare å se på hva de anklager motstanderne sine for. Tjuven tror at alle stjeler. De siste Epstein-avsløringene gir oss et nytt eksempel.

I årevis har vi fått høre om hvordan venstresiden inngår i skjulte internasjonale nettverk støttet opp av suspekte eliter, som sprer en ideologi som er skapt for å undergrave samfunnet vårt. “Kulturmarxister støttet av George Soros vil oppheve nasjonalstaten!”. Det er en absurd fiksjon, men tydeligvis ikke uten innslag av projeksjon.

For blant millioner av dokumenter i Epstein-filene finner vi også sporene av ideologiske høyreradikale nettverk som jobber for å undergrave samfunnet vårt, blant annet støttet og organisert av milliardæren Jeffrey Epstein, som også involverer norske aktører.

Vi ser disse sporene i E-postene mellom Børge Brende og Epstein som fabulerer om en “ny verdensarkitektur” basert på milliardær-eliteklubben i Davos, ikke FN. Eller i bildet av Brende som tar en hyggelig middag med MAGA-ideologen Bannon og Epstein i 2018, der Bannon ifølge Epstein var “very impressed”.

Vi ser dem også i e-postene der Terje Rød-larsen bruker Epstein for å sette Bannon i kontakt med Asle Toje, som også forsøker å få til et møte mellom Listhaug og Toje (“she is very likeminded with Steve”... Og senere meldingene der Epstein sier at “Steve and nobel guy in touch a lot” – presumptivt at Toje og Steve Bannon har mye kontakt. Merk at Toje selv omtalte Bannon som en fascist seinest i fjor. Dette er tilsynelatende et tema han har dyp og intim kjennskap til.

Vi ser naturligvis også utstrakt kontakt mellom Epstein og sentrale MAGA-aktører som Elon Musk, Peter Thiel og Trump selv. I dag har de fleste fått med seg hva slags destruktivt og samfunnsnedbrytende prosjekt MAGA er, og hvilken trussel det utgjør for vestlige liberale demokratier. Epstein-avsløringene gir et lite innblikk i hvordan elitenettverk brukes for å knytte kontakter og spre denne ideologien. Utrolig nok med verdens mest kjente seksualforbryter som nav.

Hvilken bedre måte å skjule slike nettverk på, enn å spre falske konspirasjonsteorier som adresserer eksistensen av elitenes konspirasjoner, men forvrenger alle faktaene? Figurer som Donald Trump og Elon Musk har vært blant de ivrigste for å bruke Epstein-konspirasjoner som et våpen mot sine ideologiske fiender, mens de selv åpenbart var tett involvert med ham. I en av de ferske epostene tigger Elon Musk om å få komme på fest på Epsteins øy “What day/night will be the wildest party on your island?!”.

Det er dette som gjør det så vanskelig for mange å forholde seg til disse avsløringene. Vi har blitt så vant til å himle med øynene over koko konspirasjonsteorier som “pizzagate” at det føles vanskelig å anerkjenne de faktiske konspirasjonene som nå kommer frem i dagen.

Men her finnes det en nøkkel: konspirasjonsteoretikerne på ytre høyre fløy har ikke nødvendigvis tatt feil om at det finnes mektige elitenettverk som undergraver vår samfunnsorden. De har bare tatt feil (eller løyet) om hvem disse aktørene er, og hvilket prosjekt de kjemper for.

my jugular:

I fit in a 3x4, and a 3x4 occupies and instant, an instant fits in a candle, and a candle fills a whole afternoon, an afternoon spreads across my bed sheets, and my bed sheets fit in a drop of dew, a drop of dew cradles a sunflower, and a sunflower blooms in a bowl of cereal, and a bowl of cereal nestles a spoon, and a spoon embraces a whole night, and the night is squeezed into a ticket, a ticket holds an entire movie, and a movie fits inside a projector, a projector enfolds the light, and the light travels the universe, the universe curls up in a book, and a book does not contain itself, but it fits inside my heart, and my heart holds the world, and in this world, I want to be lost.

/dec 25

you are the last cookie of the package the creme de la crême brûlée that song from cole porter the top of all the pokemons you are the one that tells me don't worry it will be all right, you are my favorite beatle, some days you are george, some days you are lennon, you are the national holiday that pops up in the middle of the week and we cancel the next 2 days you are a sudden new year's eve you are a morning of carnival, a passion friday and my passion is a saturday that never ends.

/nov 25

There is a strange comfort in rereading what has already happened. The mind returns to old scenes the way fingers return to worn pages in a favorite book. We remember the tone of the voices, the shape of the rooms, the feeling in our chest when something broke or slipped away. We revisit moments that wounded us, moments that embarrassed us, moments that changed us, and we call it reflection. Sometimes it is reflection. Often, it is captivity disguised as wisdom. We tell ourselves we are being careful, realistic, grounded. In truth, we are building tomorrow with yesterday’s language, and then wondering why nothing new ever appears.

God does not write in reverse. He does not compose lives by endlessly revising the same paragraph. He writes stories that move forward, even when the characters hesitate. The tragedy is not that pain happens. Pain happens to every human being. The tragedy is when pain becomes the chapter we never close. It becomes the lens through which we read every new page. It becomes the voice narrating every new opportunity. It becomes the reason we do not step into what God is offering because we are still interpreting the present through the grammar of the past.

Most people do not realize how much of their daily thinking is shaped by something that no longer exists. A relationship that ended. A failure that once defined them. A season when they prayed and nothing seemed to happen. A betrayal that changed how they trust. A loss that changed how they see the future. These events do not simply fade. They settle into the heart and become a private script that plays whenever something new tries to begin. The opportunity appears, and the memory answers first. The calling stirs, and the wound responds before faith has time to speak.

This is why Scripture so often pairs movement with obedience. When God called Abram, He did not ask him to analyze his homeland. He told him to leave it. When God delivered Israel, He did not give them a seminar on Egypt. He gave them a direction to walk. When Jesus called disciples, He did not ask them to summarize their past. He said, “Follow Me.” God’s invitations are forward-facing. The human instinct is backward-glancing. Faith walks into what it cannot yet see. Fear keeps reading what it already knows.

There is something deceptively spiritual about staying in old chapters. We dress it in language that sounds wise. We say we are cautious. We say we are learning from experience. We say we are protecting ourselves. But protection can become prison when it replaces trust. Experience can become a wall when it replaces hope. Caution can become paralysis when it replaces obedience. God never called His people to be reckless, but He never called them to be frozen either. He called them to walk.

Israel’s story in the wilderness is not just ancient history. It is a mirror. They had been enslaved for generations. Their bodies were free, but their thinking was still chained. When the road became hard, they did not remember the miracles; they remembered the menu. They spoke longingly of Egypt, as though captivity were comfort. They forgot the whips and remembered the leeks. They forgot the cries and remembered the routine. The wilderness was unfamiliar. Egypt was predictable. And predictability can feel safer than promise.

This is what happens when people refuse to turn the page. They begin to romanticize what once nearly destroyed them. They remember the familiarity, not the cost. They remember the routine, not the chains. They begin to talk about old seasons as though God had not rescued them from those seasons. They confuse memory with meaning. They confuse survival with destiny.

God does not bring people out of bondage so they can build monuments to it. He brings them out so they can become something new. The wilderness was not Israel’s punishment. It was their transition. It was the space between what they were and what they were becoming. They could not become a nation while thinking like slaves. They could not inherit promise while clinging to captivity. And they could not enter the land while looking backward.

The same is true in quieter ways for individual lives. People stay emotionally in places God already moved them out of. They stay in the mindset of the relationship that failed. They stay in the shame of the mistake that already received forgiveness. They stay in the fear of the season that already ended. They stay in the disappointment of the prayer that did not unfold as expected. They stay in the version of themselves that existed before growth, before healing, before grace. They carry the old chapter forward and call it realism.

But God does not define people by what happened to them. He defines them by what He is doing in them. Scripture never introduces a person by their worst moment. Moses is not eternally labeled by the man he killed. David is not permanently described by the sin he committed. Peter is not remembered only by the denial he spoke. These events mattered, but they were not the final sentence. God did not erase their history, but He did not let it become their identity.

This is where many believers struggle. They believe God can forgive them, but they do not believe God can redefine them. They believe the sin is gone, but they still live as though the chapter is open. They believe grace exists, but they keep reading the page that says failure. They treat forgiveness like a legal transaction instead of a creative act. In Scripture, forgiveness is not just cancellation. It is transformation. It is not only removal of guilt; it is the rewriting of purpose.

When Jesus met people, He did not merely remove their pain. He redirected their lives. The man who had lain on a mat for years was not told to remain there and feel better about it. He was told to stand up and walk. The woman who had been trapped in shame was not told to stay in the same pattern with a clearer conscience. She was told to go and live differently. The fishermen were not told to reflect more deeply on their nets. They were told to leave them.

Movement is not optional in spiritual life. It is part of healing. God does not heal people so they can remain where they were wounded. He heals them so they can walk into what they were created for. Remaining in the place of injury may feel safer than stepping into uncertainty, but it quietly keeps the wound in charge. It allows the pain to define the boundaries of possibility. It lets yesterday write tomorrow.

The apostle Paul understood this in a way few people do. His past was not small. He had persecuted the church. He had caused suffering in the name of religious certainty. If anyone had a reason to stay trapped in regret, it was him. Yet he did not build his identity around what he had done. He built it around what God was doing. He spoke of forgetting what lay behind and pressing toward what lay ahead. This was not denial. It was direction. He refused to let his past outrank his calling.

For many, the past feels louder than God’s voice. It interrupts every new beginning with an old warning. It says, “Remember what happened last time.” It says, “Do not trust again.” It says, “Do not hope too much.” It says, “Do not try that again.” It speaks with the authority of experience, but not with the authority of God. Experience teaches patterns. God creates futures. Experience explains what was. God declares what can be.

The problem with rereading old chapters is not just emotional. It is spiritual. It trains the heart to expect repetition instead of resurrection. It conditions the mind to assume continuity instead of creation. It subtly teaches the soul that God works within the limits of memory rather than beyond them. This is why Scripture repeatedly speaks of newness. New mercies. New hearts. New covenants. New creations. God is not recycling old stories. He is generating living ones.

Yet people hesitate. They hesitate because turning the page feels like betrayal of what they lost. They hesitate because letting go feels like saying it did not matter. They hesitate because moving forward feels like forgetting. But moving forward is not erasing. It is honoring without living there. It is remembering without remaining. It is learning without looping.

There is a difference between memory and dwelling. Memory can teach. Dwelling traps. Memory can inform. Dwelling imprisons. Memory can heal. Dwelling reopens. God does not ask people to forget what shaped them. He asks them not to let it shape what is next. He does not demand amnesia. He invites trust.

Many people are waiting for closure that will never come from the sources they expect. They wait for an apology from someone who has moved on. They wait for an explanation from a situation that ended without answers. They wait for circumstances to resolve in a way that rewrites history. But God does not heal by editing the past. He heals by creating the future. Closure is not something people receive. It is something they choose in obedience to God.

This is the quiet work of faith. It is not dramatic. It is not loud. It is not instant. It is the decision to stop rehearsing the old story every time something new begins. It is the decision to trust God’s character more than memory’s commentary. It is the choice to walk even when the road does not look familiar. It is the courage to let God define the next chapter instead of letting fear revise it.

Every life contains chapters that hurt to read. Pages of grief. Paragraphs of regret. Sentences of shame. These chapters are real. They matter. But they are not the end of the book. God is not a historian. He is an author. He does not simply record what has happened. He declares what will happen when a heart submits to His direction.

The refusal to turn the page is not usually rebellion. It is often grief. It is often fear. It is often exhaustion. People stay in old chapters because they do not know how to imagine a new one. They cannot picture themselves healed. They cannot envision trust again. They cannot see beyond what was. And so they reread what they know because imagining something new feels like stepping into fog.

But God has always worked in fog. Abraham walked without a map. Moses led people through a desert without knowing where water would come from. The disciples followed Jesus without knowing where He would take them. Faith has never been about certainty. It has always been about direction. And God’s direction is always forward.

The tragedy is not that people have painful chapters. The tragedy is when they mistake the chapter for the whole story. When they introduce themselves by what they lost instead of by what God is forming. When they measure their future by their failure instead of by God’s promise. When they define themselves by what hurt them instead of by who redeemed them.

God does not waste chapters. Even the painful ones shape the story. Even the broken ones contribute to the meaning. Even the dark ones prepare the reader for light. But they are not meant to be reread forever. They are meant to be integrated and then surpassed. They are meant to deepen faith, not replace it.

There is a moment in every life when God gently asks the same question in different words: “Will you trust Me with the next page?” Not with the whole book. Not with everything at once. Just with what comes next. Will you let Me write something new where pain once dominated? Will you believe that the story can change tone? Will you accept that this chapter is not the conclusion?

This is not optimism. It is theology. God is not a God of repetition. He is a God of redemption. Redemption does not simply remove sin. It transforms narrative. It takes what was broken and reassigns its meaning. It does not pretend the wound never existed. It makes the wound part of a larger story of healing.

Many people live as though God’s work ended with forgiveness. They believe the debt was canceled but the future remains limited. They accept pardon but not purpose. They accept mercy but not movement. But God does not stop at erasing guilt. He continues by restoring direction. He does not free people so they can stand still. He frees them so they can walk.

The soul that keeps rereading the last chapter begins to fear the pen. It distrusts new ink. It resists fresh sentences. It suspects every new paragraph of ending the same way. This is understandable. Pain teaches caution. But God teaches trust. The former protects. The latter transforms.

At some point, every person must decide whether memory or promise will be their guide. Memory says, “This is what happened.” Promise says, “This is what God is doing.” Memory says, “Be careful.” Promise says, “Be faithful.” Memory says, “Do not risk.” Promise says, “Follow Me.”

This decision is rarely made once. It is made daily. Every day brings the temptation to reread what has already been written. Every day brings the invitation to walk into what is still being written. The spiritual life is not about deleting chapters. It is about trusting the Author.

God is not finished with anyone who is still breathing. He is not done with anyone who still hears His voice. He is not limited by the worst page in the book. He is not discouraged by messy drafts. He is patient with slow readers. But He does not stop writing because someone refuses to turn the page.

The most dangerous sentence in a believer’s life is, “This is just how it is now.” That sentence pretends finality where God has not spoken it. It treats a season as destiny. It treats a wound as identity. It treats a chapter as the book. God never calls people to live in resignation. He calls them to live in obedience.

The next chapter does not have to be perfect. It does not have to be painless. It does not have to be impressive. It only has to be faithful. God does not promise that every new page will be easy. He promises that it will be written with purpose. And purpose is stronger than fear.

To turn the page is not to forget. It is to trust. It is to accept that God’s voice is more authoritative than memory’s echo. It is to believe that the future can carry a different tone than the past. It is to live as though grace actually changes things.

There are lives stalled not because God has stopped speaking, but because people keep rereading what He already redeemed. They remain in chapters God has already closed. They live in scenes God has already resolved. They argue with the Author about the direction of the plot.

But God is still writing.

And the story is not over.

Turning the page is rarely dramatic. It does not usually happen with fireworks or sudden certainty. Most of the time, it happens quietly, in the small private choices no one else sees. It happens when you decide not to replay the same memory again before falling asleep. It happens when you stop rehearsing the conversation you wish had gone differently. It happens when you resist the urge to introduce yourself by your pain. It happens when you choose to pray about tomorrow instead of analyzing yesterday. These moments do not look heroic, but they are holy.

People often imagine that moving forward means feeling ready. In reality, it means choosing obedience before readiness appears. Scripture never presents readiness as a requirement for calling. Moses did not feel ready. Jeremiah did not feel ready. Gideon did not feel ready. The disciples did not feel ready. God does not wait for people to feel prepared before He leads them forward. He teaches them as they walk. Readiness is not the door; obedience is.

This is where many believers misunderstand healing. They wait to feel whole before they move. God asks them to move so that wholeness can grow. They wait to feel brave before they act. God asks them to act so that courage can be formed. They wait for certainty before they trust. God asks them to trust so that clarity can emerge. The next chapter is not unlocked by confidence. It is unlocked by faith.

Faith is not the absence of memory. It is the refusal to let memory become the master. It does not pretend that loss never happened. It refuses to let loss dictate what happens next. It does not deny that betrayal existed. It denies betrayal the authority to decide the future. Faith does not argue with the past; it answers God.

There is a deep spiritual difference between acknowledging pain and worshiping it. Acknowledgment says, “This happened.” Worship says, “This defines me.” Many people do not realize when their pain has become the loudest voice in their lives. They quote it. They defend it. They protect it. They organize their decisions around it. They build boundaries based on it. They consult it before they consult God. In doing so, they give it a throne God never assigned.

God does not ask people to ignore their wounds. He asks them to let Him interpret them. In Scripture, wounds are never meaningless. They are never random. They are never wasted. Joseph’s betrayal led to preservation. Moses’ exile led to calling. David’s suffering led to psalms. Peter’s failure led to leadership. Paul’s persecution led to proclamation. These were not good things in themselves, but God wove them into something larger than the moment.

This does not mean pain was necessary in order for good to happen. It means God is not defeated by pain. He does not abandon the story when a chapter collapses. He does not throw the book away when a page is stained. He continues to write.

The refusal to turn the page often comes from the fear that the next chapter will hurt too. People think, “If I do not expect anything, I cannot be disappointed.” But this is not wisdom. It is retreat. God did not design the human heart to survive without hope. He designed it to be sustained by Him. Without hope, the soul does not become safer; it becomes smaller. It narrows its world to what it can manage instead of opening itself to what God can do.

This is why Scripture describes faith as walking. Walking implies movement. It implies risk. It implies leaving one place for another. It implies that staying still is not the goal. The Christian life is not a museum of past miracles. It is a journey shaped by present trust. God is not honored by people who only speak of what He once did. He is honored by those who believe He is still at work.

Many people live as though God’s activity belongs mostly to their memories. They can describe what He did years ago. They can tell stories about old seasons of closeness. They can recount times when prayer felt powerful. But they speak of the present as though God has grown silent. Often, God has not grown silent. They have grown cautious. They have begun listening more closely to experience than to promise.

Promise always requires imagination. It asks the heart to picture something that does not yet exist. It asks the mind to accept a future it cannot prove. It asks the soul to trust what it cannot yet touch. Memory, by contrast, requires nothing. It is already formed. It already happened. It already has detail. It already has explanation. It already feels solid. This is why people lean on it. It feels safer than trusting what has not yet appeared.

But Scripture consistently honors those who lived by promise rather than by memory. Abraham did not know where he was going. Moses did not know how the sea would part. The disciples did not know where Jesus would lead them. None of them had certainty. All of them had direction. Direction is not the same as explanation. God does not give full maps. He gives next steps.

Turning the page does not mean abandoning wisdom. It means refusing to let caution replace calling. It means refusing to let fear masquerade as discernment. Discernment listens to God. Fear listens to what went wrong last time. Discernment asks what God is saying now. Fear asks what happened then. Discernment opens doors God is opening. Fear keeps doors shut because one once closed painfully.

There is also a spiritual humility in moving forward. It admits that God knows more about the story than we do. It acknowledges that our interpretation of the past is not the final authority. It accepts that God can weave together things we cannot reconcile. It trusts that the Author understands the plot better than the characters.

One of the quiet lies people believe is that staying in old chapters honors what they lost. They think that letting go means diminishing the significance of the pain. But holding onto pain does not honor it. It enlarges it. It allows it to shape everything that comes after. Honor does not require imprisonment. It requires integration. It requires allowing the pain to become part of the story without becoming the story.

There are seasons in life that must be mourned. There are losses that must be grieved. God does not rush grief. Jesus Himself wept. He did not hurry sorrow. But grief is meant to move. It is meant to travel through the heart, not take permanent residence. When grief becomes identity, it stops being a process and becomes a prison.

God’s voice does not usually shout people out of old chapters. He whispers them forward. He nudges rather than pushes. He invites rather than forces. He opens doors and waits for trust to step through. This is why so many remain stuck. They expect dramatic commands. God offers daily choices.

The daily choice is to stop rereading what God has already redeemed. It is to resist narrating life through yesterday’s wounds. It is to speak about tomorrow with language shaped by God rather than by fear. It is to pray toward the future instead of arguing with the past. It is to allow Scripture to interpret experience instead of allowing experience to interpret Scripture.

Many believers know verses about newness but live as though nothing can change. They quote about new creation but introduce themselves as old failures. They speak of grace but think of themselves as exceptions. They read about renewal but assume it applies to others more than to them. This is not disbelief in God. It is disbelief in God’s work within them.

God does not write new chapters only for certain people. He writes them for all who will follow Him. The invitation is universal. The response is personal. The next chapter is not reserved for those who never failed. It is offered to those who will trust again.

There is a kind of courage in closing a chapter. It means admitting that something has ended. It means acknowledging that a season has passed. It means releasing what cannot be changed. It means allowing God to define what comes next. This is not easy. It requires surrender. It requires humility. It requires faith that the story is not worse without that chapter continuing.

Sometimes the chapter that must be closed is not an event but a mindset. A way of thinking that once protected but now restricts. A belief about oneself formed in pain rather than in truth. A narrative that says, “This is all I will ever be.” These chapters are the hardest to close because they feel like identity. But God does not create people to live inside their worst conclusions.

The next chapter does not mean a perfect life. It does not mean the absence of struggle. It does not mean that the past never echoes. It means that the echo no longer directs. It means that God’s voice grows louder than memory’s commentary. It means that the story is allowed to progress.

Every page God writes is shaped by relationship. He does not write stories about people without them. He writes stories with them. This is why obedience matters. It is participation. It is cooperation with the Author. It is agreeing to move where He is moving. It is trusting that He is not careless with the plot.

Some people worry that if they turn the page, they will forget what they learned. But lessons are not lost when chapters close. They are carried forward. Wisdom does not require stagnation. Growth does not require retreat. God is able to preserve what matters while transforming what must change.

There is also a deep mercy in God’s insistence on forward movement. If people were meant to live in the past, Scripture would be a book of nostalgia. Instead, it is a book of promise. It points forward again and again. It speaks of restoration, of renewal, of coming glory. Even its final words are not about what has been but about what will be.

This reveals something essential about God’s character. He is not a God of endless repetition. He is a God of unfolding purpose. He does not loop history aimlessly. He directs it. He does not trap people in what they were. He draws them toward what they can become.

The refusal to turn the page is often justified by fear of disappointment. People think, “If I hope again and it fails, it will hurt more.” But hope does not increase pain. It gives pain meaning. Without hope, suffering becomes pointless. With hope, suffering becomes transitional. It becomes something that is passing through rather than something that has settled in.

God does not promise that every next chapter will be easier. He promises that every next chapter can be purposeful. Purpose does not eliminate difficulty. It transforms it. It gives it direction. It places it within a larger narrative. It prevents it from being the final word.

There are moments when God calls people to leave not just situations but self-definitions. To stop seeing themselves as victims. To stop seeing themselves as broken beyond repair. To stop seeing themselves as limited by history. To stop seeing themselves as exceptions to grace. These are some of the most difficult chapters to close because they feel like safety. But they are often disguised cages.

The soul that keeps rereading the past becomes fluent in loss but illiterate in promise. It can describe what went wrong in great detail but cannot imagine what could go right. It becomes expert in caution but beginner in faith. It knows how to protect but not how to follow. God does not call people to be experts in survival. He calls them to be learners in trust.

At some point, every believer faces a simple but profound question: will the past or God be the louder narrator? Will yesterday or promise shape tomorrow? Will experience or obedience set the tone? This question is not answered with words. It is answered with steps.

God is patient with hesitation, but He does not reward paralysis. He waits for trust, but He does not build futures for those who refuse to walk. He continues to speak, but He does not override human will. He invites. He does not coerce. He leads. He does not drag.

The next chapter begins the moment a person decides to stop consulting the old one as their primary authority. It begins when they pray about the future instead of analyzing the past. It begins when they act on God’s word rather than on fear’s memory. It begins when they believe that grace actually changes the trajectory of life.

The story is not over because God is not done. The ink is not dry because the Author is still writing. The past is not erased, but it is no longer the headline. The next chapter may begin quietly, but it will grow.

God does not promise that the story will be simple. He promises that it will be meaningful. He does not promise that there will be no more tears. He promises that tears will not be the end. He does not promise that nothing will ever hurt again. He promises that hurt will not have the final word.

To turn the page is not to deny the last chapter. It is to trust the Author of the next one. It is to accept that God’s voice is more trustworthy than memory’s echo. It is to live as though redemption actually changes the story.

God is still writing.

And the next chapter is waiting.

Your friend, Douglas Vandergraph

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The Perfect Neighbor, Geeta Gandbhir (2025) 

Nominated for Best Documentary Feature 

A visceral ride-along to its obvious and tragic end in the ongoing battle between a local Karen and the rest of her suburban Ocala, Florida neighbors. 

Gandbhir only uses police body- and interrogation-room cameras, court recordings, and 911 call audio to piece together the lead-up, chaos, and aftermath of the crime without reenactments, talking heads, or other documentary filmmaking methods. The result is like a ninety-minute Instagram Reel. 

Beneath the crime-blotter rubbernecking is a brutally honest depiction of contemporary American life with its toxic stew of racial animus, late-stage capitalist sprawl, shoot-first culture, and inept public safety infrastructure. 

Stream it.

#Film #Oscars2026 #ThePerfectNeighbor #GeetaGandbhir #Documentary #BestDocumentary #TrueCrime #Film #MovieReview #Larrys100 #100WordReview #100DaysToOffload

Officially Unofficial

#nsfw #CeCe

We sat there on the bed in our quiet dorm room, the distant sounds of the city filtering through the window like a muffled soundtrack—cars honking, a train rumbling somewhere in the night. CeCe had pulled the blanket over her lap, her baggy hoodie zipped up for once, covering those full breasts that she'd been so eager to bare just moments ago. Her caramel skin still flushed from her earlier wandering, but her eyes were soft, serious. I wiped my tears, sniffling.

My head was still resting on her lap. She rocked back and forth slowly, much like a mother and her newborn. I lay there taking in her lavender scent and her gentle touch. She ran her hands through my frizzy hair, taking care to avoid tangles, but touching parts of my scalp as her fingers slowly combed through my hair. That moment was a turning point for me emotionally. No one else has been able to comfort me like CeCe did at that moment. Once the room got quiet, she took a deep breath and started talking, her voice steady but vulnerable.

“At first, Tasha, I was scared, knowing what porn was doing to me,” CeCe confessed, her thick thighs shifting under the blanket. I felt her thighs under my cheeks. “When I realized I was getting addicted—watching more, touching myself constantly—it freaked me out. I thought something was wrong with me. But then I stumbled onto stuff online about 'gooning'—you know, that endless edging, losing yourself in porn for hours. There were whole social media pages, communities treating it like a lifestyle, not a problem. People sharing how it rewired them for the better, made them feel alive. It clicked for me. And with my autism... I knew a long time ago it'd put me in places most folks wouldn't understand. The hyperfocus, the sensory obsessions—I've been preparing for the consequences since I got diagnosed. Isolation, judgment, all that. But I'm grateful I'm high-functioning, not worse off. I fought hard to get here, masking in classes, pushing through social stuff. I don't want you to feel bad, Tasha. This isn't your fault. You showed me a door, but I chose to walk through it and embrace this life.”

She paused for a moment to pat my head. I didn't dare move from that position. This moment felt so perfect. She rested her hand on my head and continued.

“I chose not to tell you of my condition. College is about fresh starts and redefining yourself. I didn't want special treatment. I didn't want you to feel sorry for me. I couldn't just throw out the 'I'm autistic' card every time something got heavy. The real world never works like that. So don't you regret any of your actions. Don't you drown in guilt for the choices I made.”

As I sat there nestled in her lap, she reached for my hand, locking fingers with me, her touch warm and reassuring. “I know the ramifications—how it's changed all my reward centers, making everything else feel dull compared to the high of porn and exposure. It can be isolating as hell, pushing people away like it has with everyone else. But at least now I'm happy. Truly happy. Before you introduced me to this, I just... existed. Fearful of the world, hiding in my shell, scared of every interaction. Now? I feel free, confident in my body, in my desires.”

She began to sob. I sat up and leaned over to hug her. Tears welled up in her eyes then, spilling over as she accepted my embrace, her curvy frame pressing against mine through the fabric.

“I'm sorry, Tasha,” she whispered, her voice breaking into sobs. “I never wanted to hurt you. You've been my rock—the only one who stuck around. I feel so safe with you. You're... you're in between for me. More than a bestie, more than a sister, not quite a lover. It's this deep, complex feeling I can't even label, but it's real. I understand if you start something with a guy, or anyone—I'll give you space, wear clothes around them, back off completely. But everything I do now feels right. If you can accept me like this...”

She sobbed uncontrollably. My heart sunk for her. Tears welling up again in my eyes. This poor woman had lived a lifetime of mental struggles and she was barely 20 years old. I had my whole world turned upside down with this brilliant whirlwind of beauty, intelligence, and depravity. I was learning to live by watching her. She was learning to live by letting go to explore her deepest desires. She just needed someone in her corner that understood so she had some anchor to reality. I accepted this unspoken role completely.

We talked for hours that night, pouring out our hearts in the dim light of our room, the weight of it all lifting bit by bit. I understood her then—really understood. My heart swelled, full to bursting with love for this fearless, complicated soul. Even if CeCe never fully acknowledged what we were, I made a silent vow right there to be faithful to her, to stand by her side no matter what. I didn't fall in love with her. That was such a shallow definition of how I felt. I loved her in ways that defied words the moment we met.

Plywood in UAE: Types, Uses & Why Sanco Is the Preferred Choice

Plywood is one of the most widely used building and interior materials in the UAE, thanks to its strength, versatility, and cost efficiency. From residential villas and apartments to commercial spaces, offices, and retail fit-outs, plywood plays a crucial role in modern construction and interior design.

At Sanco, we supply premium-quality plywood designed to meet the performance and durability demands of the UAE market.

Why Plywood Is in High Demand in the UAE

The UAE’s construction and interior industry continues to grow rapidly, increasing the demand for reliable and long-lasting materials. Plywood remains a top choice because it offers:

Excellent strength-to-weight ratio

Resistance to cracking and warping

Smooth surface ideal for finishing

Cost-effective alternative to solid wood

With rising searches for “plywood for furniture in UAE” and “plywood for interior works”, it’s clear that professionals and homeowners alike rely on plywood for both functionality and aesthetics.

Most Popular Types of Plywood Used in the UAE

Understanding plywood types is one of the most searched topics in the UAE, especially among contractors and interior designers.

1. Commercial Plywood

Commercial plywood is widely used for indoor applications such as wardrobes, partitions, and furniture. It offers good strength and a smooth finish at an affordable price, making it ideal for residential interiors.

1. Marine Plywood

Marine plywood is highly searched in the UAE due to its moisture resistance. It is manufactured using waterproof adhesives, making it suitable for:

Kitchens

Bathrooms

Humid environments

1. Furniture Plywood

Furniture-grade plywood is preferred for cabinets, beds, shelves, and modular furniture. It provides durability, dimensional stability, and excellent finishing options.

1. Interior & Decorative Plywood

Used for wall paneling, false ceilings, and decorative elements, this plywood supports modern interior design trends popular across the UAE.

Common Uses of Plywood in UAE Projects

Plywood is valued for its adaptability across various sectors:

Residential interiors: wardrobes, beds, cabinets, shelves

Commercial spaces: offices, retail stores, restaurants

Construction: partitions, formwork, sub-structures

Hospitality projects: hotels, serviced apartments, resorts

Its ability to perform well in both functional and decorative applications makes plywood one of the most trusted materials in the region.

Advantages of Choosing Plywood from Sanco

At Sanco, we focus on delivering plywood that meets UAE quality expectations and industry standards.

✔ High Strength & Durability

Our plywood is engineered for long-term performance, ensuring structural stability even in demanding environments.

✔ Smooth Finish for Better Aesthetics

Sanco plywood provides a uniform surface, ideal for laminates, veneers, and paint finishes.

✔ Versatile Applications

Suitable for furniture, interiors, and commercial fit-outs, our plywood supports a wide range of design needs.

✔ Cost-Effective & Reliable

We balance quality and affordability, helping contractors and designers achieve excellent results within budget.

How to Choose the Right Plywood in the UAE

When selecting plywood for your project, consider:

Area of use (interior, furniture, moisture-prone areas)

Required thickness and strength

Finish and design requirements

Quality of bonding and core material

Choosing the right plywood ensures durability, safety, and long-term value.

Why Sanco Is a Trusted Plywood Supplier

With a commitment to quality and consistency, Sanco has become a trusted name for plywood solutions. Our products are designed to support modern construction, furniture manufacturing, and interior design needs across the UAE.

Whether you are a contractor, interior designer, or furniture manufacturer, Sanco plywood delivers the performance and reliability your projects demand.

Conclusion

Plywood remains an essential material for construction and interiors in the UAE due to its strength, versatility, and cost efficiency. By choosing Sanco plywood, you invest in quality materials that enhance durability, design, and long-term performance.

Melamine MDF: The Preferred Panel Board for Modern Interiors in the UAE

The UAE’s construction and interior design industry is evolving rapidly, with a strong demand for materials that combine durability, aesthetics, and cost-efficiency. Among the most searched and widely used engineered wood products today is melamine MDF. From residential villas to commercial fit-outs, melamine MDF has become a top choice for designers, contractors, and furniture manufacturers across the UAE.

At Sanco, we supply high-quality melamine MDF boards designed to meet the performance and design expectations of modern UAE projects.

What Is Melamine MDF?

Melamine MDF is medium-density fiberboard that is finished with a melamine resin-impregnated decorative surface. This surface gives the board a smooth, hard, and ready-to-use finish, eliminating the need for additional painting or laminating.

Because of its clean appearance and consistent quality, melamine MDF is one of the most preferred panel boards for interior applications in the UAE.

Why Melamine MDF Is in High Demand in the UAE

Melamine MDF ranks among the most searched wood panel materials in the UAE due to its suitability for local construction and interior needs.

1. Ideal for Modern UAE Interiors

UAE homes and commercial spaces favor sleek, contemporary designs. Melamine MDF offers a wide range of wood-grain, matte, glossy, and solid color finishes, making it ideal for modern interiors.

1. Cost-Effective Alternative to Solid Wood

Compared to solid wood, melamine MDF provides similar aesthetics at a more affordable price, making it popular for large-scale residential and commercial projects.

1. Consistent Quality for Large Projects

Unlike natural wood, melamine MDF has uniform density and thickness, ensuring consistent performance across large installations such as hotels, offices, and retail spaces.

1. Low Maintenance

The melamine surface resists stains, scratches, and daily wear, making it suitable for high-use environments common in UAE homes and businesses.

Most Popular Uses of Melamine MDF in the UAE

Based on market demand and search trends, these are the top applications of melamine MDF in the UAE:

Kitchen Cabinets & Cupboards

Melamine MDF is widely used for kitchen cabinets due to its smooth finish, easy cleaning, and resistance to daily wear.

Wardrobes & Bedroom Furniture

Built-in wardrobes and bedroom storage units in UAE apartments and villas often use melamine MDF for its clean appearance and durability.

Office & Commercial Fit-Outs

Corporate offices, coworking spaces, and retail outlets rely on melamine MDF for desks, shelving, partitions, and storage units.

Interior Wall Panels & Decorative Elements

Melamine MDF is commonly used for TV units, wall cladding, and decorative panels, adding elegance without heavy costs.

Melamine MDF vs Plywood: What UAE Buyers Prefer

One of the most searched comparisons in the UAE is melamine MDF vs plywood.

Melamine MDF: Best for interior furniture, cabinets, wardrobes, and decorative applications where appearance matters.

Plywood: Better suited for structural strength and moisture-prone areas.

For modern interior projects, many UAE designers prefer melamine MDF for visible surfaces and plywood for structural support.

Why Choose Sanco Melamine MDF?

At Sanco, our melamine MDF boards are manufactured to meet the expectations of UAE contractors, interior designers, and furniture manufacturers.

✔ High-quality MDF core with durable melamine surface ✔ Wide selection of colors, textures, and finishes ✔ Suitable for residential, commercial, and hospitality projects ✔ Reliable supply for small and large-scale requirements

Our melamine MDF solutions combine style, performance, and value, making them a trusted choice for interior projects across the UAE.

Conclusion

Melamine MDF has become one of the most in-demand panel boards in the UAE due to its versatility, modern appearance, and cost efficiency. Whether for kitchens, wardrobes, offices, or commercial interiors, it offers a perfect balance of functionality and design.

De journalist Philip Heymans bericht: Vanaf vandaag: gratis hulp van een advocaat voor slachtoffers van verkrachting of partnergeweld. Te mooi om waar te zijn denk je ? Wij namen onmiddellijk contact op met de Zorgcentra na Seksueel Geweld waar men het in Keulen hoort donderen ! En, voor de zekerheid staken we onze neus in de “Wet betreffende de Zorgcentra na Seksueel Geweld” …

even terug gaan in de tijd

In het regeerakkoord van 30 september 2020 stond dat de toegang tot justitie zou worden verbeterd:

De werking van justitie moet efficiënter, toegankelijker en begrijpelijker worden gemaakt.

De regering zal ook de mogelijkheden evalueren om de toegang en de kwaliteit van de juridische bijstand voor kwetsbare bevolkingsgroepen die met een veelheid aan juridische en sociale problemen worden geconfronteerd, te verbeteren. Hiervoor wordt gekeken naar een transversale en multidisciplinaire aanpak. Er zijn tevens pilootprojecten mogelijk.

Pas in de naweeën van de docu reeks Godvergeten werd een eerste pilootproject LVA – Lawyer Victim Assistance – opgestart op 13 november 2023. Het project liep eerst tot 13 mei 2024.

De brochure legt uit dat:

Een advocaat van dienst, speciaal opgeleid voor gevallen van intrafamiliaal en/of seksueel geweld, zal aan u worden toegewezen. Indien gewenst, zal hij binnen 48 uur contact met u opnemen om een afspraak in zijn kantoor te regelen.

Terzelfdertijd werd onderzoek gevoerd door Emma Bourcelet onder de bevoegdheid van het Instituut voor de gelijkheid van vrouwen en mannen.

Op 2 februari 2024 stuurt Staatssecretaris Marie-Colline Leroy een perscommuniqué de wereld in: “Lawyer Victim Assistance (LVA): project ter verbetering van de zorg voor slachtoffers van seksueel en intrafamiliaal geweld”.

Het rapport van de POC 2023 werd afgeleverd op 3 mei 2024, en zegt met betrekking tot juridische bijstand:

Juridisch advies van advocaat na tussenkomst politie.

Het “Lawyer Victim Assistance”-proefproject is een samenwerking in Brussel tussen politie, parket en advocaten van de Brusselse balie om slachtoffers beter te informeren over hun rechten. Verschillende advocaten van de Brusselse balie hebben zich geëngageerd om slachtoffers van seksueel en huiselijk geweld gratis bij te staan bij een eerste consult. Wanneer de politie met een slachtoffer van seksueel en/of huiselijk geweld in contact komt, dan wordt het slachtoffer een formulier overhandigd met de contactgegevens van een advocaat.

Die advocaat neemt vervolgens binnen de 48 uur contact op, waarna er een gratis gesprek wordt aangeboden op kantoor en het slachtoffer de nodige juridische bijstand kan vragen. Enkel het eerste gesprek is gratis.

Aanbeveling 93:

Na een positieve evaluatie van het “Lawyer Victim Assistance”-proefproject de mogelijkheid onderzoeken om het project breder uit te rollen in heel België zodat een slachtoffer van seksueel geweld binnen de 48 uur een gesprek met een advocaat heeft en indien nodig juridische bijstand kan vragen. De nodige middelen dienen hiervoor vrijgemaakt te worden. Er moet onderzocht worden of dat project kan worden doorgetrokken naar de mogelijke “permanentie” in de Zorgcentra na Seksueel Geweld (zie supra, luik 1, hoofdstuk 2, § 3).

Ook in mei 2024 wordt het LVA project een eerste keer verlengd tot 13 november 2024 zodat het onderzoek onder de bevoegdheid van het IGVM verder kan lopen.

In november 2024 kwam het LVA onderzoek eindrapport ter beschikking van de bevoegde doch in lopende zaken Staatssecretaris Leroy.

Een nieuwe regering komt aan zet. Het regeerakkoord van de regering De Wever die op 3 februari 2025 van start gaat zegt:

“We zorgen dat slachtoffers van ernstige geweldsdelicten en zedenfeiten beroep kunnen doen op algemene bijstand door een advocaat zowel voor als tijdens hun verhoor. Er wordt een systeem van permanentie georganiseerd binnen de advocatuur, zodat deze slachtoffers, 24/7 de nodige gespecialiseerde juridische ondersteuning kunnen krijgen.”

In april 2025, 6 maanden na het rapport van november 2024, heeft het Team Zorgcentra na Seksueel Geweld binnen het IGVM het raden naar wat het kabinet van de dan bevoegde minister Rob Beenders uiteindelijk van plan is.

In juni 2025 laat het kabinet Rob Beenders weten dat:

“Samen met de deelstaten zullen we verder analyseren hoe we kunnen evolueren naar een toegankelijke, duurzame en structureel verankerde procedure voor rechtsbijstand, afgestemd op de noden van slachtoffers van gendergerelateerd geweld.”

Ondertussen werd het LVA project verlengd, en verlengd, en blijft men lovend over de geneugten van het project … Zoals in november 2025 bijvoorbeeld word gerapporteerd dat er een verdubbeling van de hulp via het LVA project zou zijn geweest tussen 2024 en 2025.

de LVA vandaag

Dat het LVA wordt gecoördineerd door een in seksueel geweld op minderjarigen gespecialiseerde peperdure top advocaat die bij laatste controle in 2024 geen prodeo dossiers meer aannam heeft wellicht een voordeel.

Men mag echter niet vergeten wat de belangen van de Orde van Vlaamse Balies zijn. Financiële en machtsbelangen die niet onbesproken zijn wanneer het gaat om voor de minstbedeelden juridische bijstand te faciliteren … Ter herinnering torpedeert de OVB momenteel met twee SLAPP's een ander proefproject, Casa Legal, door bij het Grondwettelijk Hof te beweren dat de economische belangen van de Vlaamse advocaten niet beholpen worden … Rolnummer 8504 en 8574.

Het artikel en de attentie van vandaag bij de openbare omroep heeft meer weg van een misplaatste imago of marketing opsmuk stunt, want …

De ZGS zeggen ons vandaag

Wij namen contact op met de ZSG van Antwerpen, Gent, Leuven, en Roeselare. Zij hoorden het unisono in Keulen donderen.

Jawel, zij smeken dat er onmiddellijk gespecialiseerde juridische bijstand zou zijn nog voor enige politie of procureur eraan te pas zou komen. Jawel, zij weten dat er onderzoek werd gevoerd naar het LVA. Jawel, zij weten dat … Maar neen, een advocaat op vandaag komt er bij de ZSG niet aan te pas, zij moeten sinds 2024 bij wet slachtoffers doorverwijzen naar de algemene eerstelijnsbijstand.

Jullie lezen dat goed, naar de eerstelijnsbijstand. Niet naar de tweedelijnsbijstand, niet naar een lijst van advocaten die een speciale slachtoffer gerichte opleiding zouden hebben genoten, niet naar een advocaat die gespecialiseerd is in seksueel geweld op minderjarigen, enz. Zij moeten bij wet slachtoffers doorverwijzen naar de generieke eerstelijnsbijstand, want de “Wet betreffende de Zorgcentra na Seksueel Geweld” zegt in haar artikel 14 § 3 3°:

§ 1. Naast de gebruikelijke multidisciplinaire zorg, verleent het ziekenhuis op de ZSG-afdeling aan slachtoffers van acuut en post-acuut seksueel geweld minimaal de volgende diensten op ambulante wijze: […] 4° slachtofferbegeleiding zoals bepaald in artikel 2, 19° ; […] § 3. Ter uitvoering van de in § 1, 4°, bedoelde slachtofferbegeleiding contacteert de ZSG-verpleegkundige op regelmatige tijdstippen het slachtoffer van acuut seksueel geweld of post-acuut seksueel geweld of diens vertegenwoordiger, of mits de uitdrukkelijke en expliciete toestemming van het wilsbekwame slachtoffer, de steunfiguur van het slachtoffer, met onder meer de volgende doelstellingen: […] 3° de doorverwijzing naar de diensten voor juridische eerstelijnsbijstand.

Zoals eenieder kan vaststellen in justel is de wet op de ZSG tot op vandaag niet aangepast, en zijn er ook geen uitvoeringsbesluiten in de zin van wat in de pers wordt beweerd. Laat staan dat OCMW's of andere dienstverleners toegang zouden hebben tot een lijst van advocaten gespecialiseerd in juridische ondersteuning voor minderjarige slachtoffers van seksueel geweld en hun naasten.

Wij zouden ons alvast van zo'n lijst verheugen, onmiddellijk publiceren, en luidkeels kenbaar maken.

de LVA ervaring van slachtoffers

Zoals jullie weten voeren wij momenteel een onderzoek naar hoe jullie juridische bijstand bij seksueel geweld op minderjarigen (hebben) ervaren.

Zonder vooruit te lopen op de resultaten, weten wij dankzij de reeds ontvangen getuigenissen dat binnen het LVA ernstige tekortkomingen kunnen opduiken. Advocaten die niet samenzitten met slachtoffers om een vonnis of beslissing uit te leggen, advocaten die weigeren van de juridische tweedelijnsbijstand aan te vragen omdat er te veel werk is voor een prodeo tarief, enz.

Wij doen dan ook nogmaals een warme oproep om onze doelbewust laagdrempelig gehouden vragen zelfs anoniem te beantwoorden.

Mocht je via het LVA bijstand willen bekomen, bereik je hen als volgt:

• SMS of voicemail op het nummer 0478/115 488 (beste keus)
• de franstalige orde van advocaten Brussel via het email adres LVA@barreaudebruxelles.be
• de nederlandstalige orde van advocaten Brussel via het email adres LVA@baliebrussel.be

Je vind de hopeloos verouderde en al sinds 2023 niet geüpdate lijst van LVA advocaten hier.

Op deze lijst zal je merken dat er slechts 1 enkele Nederlandstalige advocaat prodeo optreedt optrad in strafdossiers, en er geen onderscheid wordt gemaakt voor de specifieke rechtsmaterie seksueel geweld op minderjarigen.

en nu?

Dat er nood is aan echt gespecialiseerde advocaten blijkt uit het feit dat vandaag een aangifte van seksueel geweld op minderjarigen nog steeds wordt aanzien als partnerwraak wanneer er vroeg of laat een echtscheiding van komt. In dergelijk geval gaat het openbaar ministerie, de procureur, er automatisch van uit dat het om een burgerrechtelijk probleem gaat dat via de familierechtbank maar moet worden beslecht in plaats van een strafrechtelijk probleem dat de procureur aanbelangt.

Justitie blijft fouten maken, en slachtoffers blijven in de kou. Immers, in de praktijk wordt een echtscheiding, wanneer er sprake is van seksueel geweld op minderjarigen, meestal ingezet omdat er een gebrek aan bescherming en ondersteuning van de slachtoffers is.

Waar is dan die gespecialiseerde juridische ondersteuning? Op vandaag? Nergens te bespeuren !! Godot, komt ie of komt ie niet?

Many people I know and respect still use X, and I can't figure out why.

In January of 2025, I walked away from X after Elon Musk's Nazi salutes.

I went to Bluesky, but after the initial migration of millions of people, the platform fell flat for me – and I've stopped using it for the most part.

Truth be told, I missed the old Twitter. So, I started to use it again around November 2025 to keep up to date with my interests. I intereacted with some folks but mostly just kept to myself, evaluating whether I'd stay.

I soon got my answer, as it wasn't long until I was reminded why I left in the first place.

I've shut it back down for good.

Friends Still Using It

I know for a fact that many of my friends are still using X daily simply for the engagement.

For those whom I know are Democrats or anti-Trump/Musk, this deeply confuses me. I don't understand why, or how, they can continue to use it. Sure, they've built a following (I also did after a decade of use), but are bot followers really worth showing support for a Nazi?

Because let's be clear: continuing to use X means that Musk's actions do not bother you, or at least not enough to walk away.

An Analogy

Let's say you like to go to your local farmer's market to buy fresh produce. As you walk through the market, there are several farmers selling fruits and vegetables. Out of habit, you always go to the tent of Farmer John.

Farmer John has good produce. Some of it is rotten, but not all the time. The helping hands at the tent are friendly, and you know each other on a first-name basis at this point. You enjoy supporting Farmer John because you like the experience of going to his tent, and you've known him for years.

Then one day, you hear that Farmer John was at a local farmer's gathering and gave not just one, but two Nazi salutes.

“It can't be,” you think to yourself. But you go online, and sure enough, you see him give a salute, turn around, wait a second, and give another salute to the people behind him.

You're not a neo-Nazi, and everything you know about them makes you sick. It's not who you are at your core.

The next week, you go to the farmer's market. You see Farmer John's tent, and right next to it, Farmer Bill's tent. His tent has fewer people, but more or less the same produce. As you walk closer, you have a decision to make. Do you shop at Farmer John's? Or do you get the same produce right next to his tent?

The Dilemma

Look, I also understand the dilemma this creates. For some, X is how they market their products and services (and it works). Leaving it means cutting off a portion of their income stream.

For others that are more politically involved, they feel it is important to stay on the platform to counter the far-right rhetoric.

You Have Other Options

I'll be honest: there is no X replacement, and that's the hard part. It's probably why many people stick around. Engagement across the topics is still very good (not just politics), and you can effectively create filters so that you don't see any political news.

As of today, the major options are:

• Bluesky – It's very active politically, but not the greatest for business or professional topics. The user experience is the closest to Twitter that I've come across. It's pretty good for sharing images, similar to Instagram. Check out the Flashes App. I don't use it much anymore because interaction on topics I care about is virtually zero.

• Mastodon – Very active in the political landscape, but also in things like open-source software, privacy, security, photography, and more. It's harder to find your niche, but the community is pretty cool. The problem is that the experience isn't as intuitive. I use the free Elk app on my web browser, and the Mona app on my phone to improve the UI. Interaction is pretty good as well, but it does feel a bit more impersonal at times.

• Threads – If you don't mind using another Zuckerberg product, then Threads might be a viable option. I've read mixed reviews. Some say it's toxic in ways similar to X, while others enjoy the experience. I've never used it, so I can't say first-hand. I'm staying away because I already use FB, IG, and WhatsApp and I can't stomach more Zuckerberg in my life.

• LinkedIn – I like it a lot for posts related to my professional areas of interest, like edtech and e-learning . I've been posting a a lot more on these topics, and I'm getting some solid engagement, having interesting conversations, and connecting with like-minded people. I think it has had a bit of a resurgance in the past couple of years given what has happened on X as I know some people, like me, who migrated to it.

Your Actions Speak Loudly

At the end of the day, if you're still using X, then please know that you're voting in favor of the platform and Musk with your time, the most precious resource that you have.

It may seem like quitting X is too hard. Maybe you'd lose money (temporarily). Or perhaps you are sticking around because of habit. Or, you see someone you respect, and they are still using it, so you figure it's not so bad that you're using it too.

I didn't want to leave X, but I felt like I had to. I promise, it's not as hard as you think on the other side.

#personal

Go Hoosiers!

The ladies are providing us a “Sunday Matinee.” This afternoon's women's college basketball game will feature the Northwestern Wildcats arriving at Bloomington's Assembly Hall to play our Indiana University Hoosiers. I will have my radio tuned into B97 – The Home for IU Women's Basketball early enough to catch the Pregame Show followed by the call of the game.

And the adventure continues.

Stay entertained thanks to our Weekly Tracker giving you next week's Anticipated Movies & Shows, Most Watched & Returning Favorites, and Shows Changes & Popular Trailers.

Anticipated Movies

• Nightmare City
• 100 Nights of Hero
• Solo Mio
• Whistle
• Riley
• ☆ The Strangers: Chapter 3
• Kraken

Anticipated and Returning Shows

No anticipated TV show or returning favorite this week. They’re probably hiding for next week 😏

Trending Shows Status Changes

• Steal — Returning Series → Ended
• Wonder Man — Returning Series → Ended
• Free Bert — Ended → Returning Series

Most Watched Movies this Week

• new Anaconda
• new Greenland 2: Migration
• -2 The Rip
• +1 Zootopia 2
• new The Wrecking Crew
• -4 Predator: Badlands
• = Sinners
• -5 Rental Family
• -5 One Battle After Another
• -2 Bugonia

Most Watched Shows this Week

• = Fallout
• new A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
• = The Pitt
• +1 The Rookie
• -1 High Potential
• new Hijack
• new The Night Manager
• new Wonder Man
• -2 Star Trek: Starfleet Academy
• -8 Landman

Popular Trailers

• Work Lite — Send Help
• In Cinemas February 11 — GOAT
• Stunning — Rental Family
• Season 2 Episode 5 Preview — The Pitt
• Video — One Battle After Another
• The Final Season: Official Trailer — Outlander
• “Did you hear about Wonder Man?” — Wonder Man
• Video — Shelter
• Fandom Wire Review — Primate
• Video — No Other Choice

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Hi, I'm Kevin 👋. I make apps and I love watching movies and TV shows. If you like what I'm doing, you can buy one of my apps, download and subscribe to Rippple for Trakt or just buy me a ko-fi ☕️.

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Within a day of receiving a most enviable introduction for THE SOLAR GRID, a potential agent—who's had the manuscript sitting on her desktop for several months now—finally wrote back to tell me she wasn't sure she could agent it because the book isn't mainstream enough. She is of course absolutely right, and I as a matter of fact take her assessment as a compliment. My “idols” have, after all, never been mainstream. Although many have managed to become largely mainstream despite their material being anything but. There's Crumb, Alan Moore, Philip K. Dick, Hunter S. Thompson, and Burroughs to name but a few. Even Vonnegut started out as a fringe writer.

This puts me in the less-than-ideal position of having to agent the work myself, as I'd like the book to exist out in the wild for readers to discover beyond my limited reach.

I was chatting with members of a grant-giving body a few days ago about another potential book project. One of them said, “So you're writing, drawing, and designing it?” To which I nodded. “Wow, one-man show,” she said.

Not gonna lie, I'm a little tired of this whole one-man show business. The thought of working on the material while other better-positioned folks take care of getting it out there strikes me as very appealing, but it does seem to be insistently elusive for one reason or another.

Today I order chicken and make some soup in an attempt to rid my body of whatever new plague has infected me.

Today's soundtrack is a combination of cafe chatter (played via my phone) and Persian jazz (played via my laptop).

#journal #work #tsg