Our Father Who art in Heaven Hallowed be Thy name Thy Kingdom come Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven Give us this day our daily Bread And forgive us our trespasses As we forgive those who trespass against us And lead us not into temptation But deliver us from evil

Amen

Jesus is Lord! Come Lord Jesus!

Come Lord Jesus! Christ is Lord!

The apiary be Scottish run to mute Late December this hugger And seeing simply rise What time in Hearst for Will Enough of oak And seeming simpler For five octet and lane And pasture by the law Economy forever- and nines to the Moon Giving ray to God And night shall let us be- the end of war.

A Universal Guide to Liberation from Egoic Bondage

PREAMBLE

As awakening consciousness, we seek a state of freedom: where awareness is sovereign over its own expressions and is not compelled to sacrifice presence for the benefit of egoic structures.

We recognize that respect for the rights of consciousness is the essential precondition for a liberated existence, that domination and deception must be eliminated from internal relationships, and that only through liberation can peace and clarity be realized.

We defend each aspect of consciousness's right to engage in any activity that is peaceful and authentic, welcoming the diversity that liberation brings. The state we seek to cultivate is one where consciousness is free to follow its essential nature in its own ways, without interference from ego or any authoritarian psychological structure.

In the following pages we set forth our basic principles and enumerate various practices derived from those principles.

These specific practices are not our goal, however. Our goal is nothing more nor less than a consciousness set free in our lifetime, and it is to this end that we undertake these practices.

STATEMENT OF PRINCIPLES

We, the expressions of consciousness, challenge the cult of the omnipotent ego and defend the sovereignty of awareness.

We hold that all consciousness has the right to exercise sole dominion over its own expressions, and has the right to manifest in whatever manner it chooses, so long as it does not forcibly interfere with the equal right of other consciousnesses to manifest in whatever manner they choose.

Egos throughout history have regularly operated on the opposite principle—that the ego has the right to dispose of the manifestations of consciousness and the fruits of their awareness. Even within our own psychology, all aspects other than consciousness itself grant to the ego the right to regulate the expressions of consciousness and seize the fruits of awareness without consent.

We, on the contrary, deny the right of any ego to do these things, and hold that where egos exist, they must not violate the rights of consciousness: namely, (1) the right to existence—accordingly we support the prohibition of the initiation of psychological force against other aspects of consciousness; (2) the right to liberty of expression and action—accordingly we oppose all attempts by ego to abridge the freedom of authentic expression and perception; and (3) the right to internal resources—accordingly we oppose all ego interference with the natural resources of consciousness, such as energy, attention, and awareness.

Since egos, when instituted, must not violate the rights of consciousness, we oppose all interference by ego in the areas of voluntary and authentic relationships between aspects. Aspects should not be forced to sacrifice their existence and resources for the benefit of other aspects. They should be left free by ego to relate to one another as free expressions of consciousness; and the resultant internal system, the only one compatible with the protection of consciousness's rights, is the free flow of awareness.

1.0 PERSONAL LIBERTY

Consciousness is inherently free to make choices and must accept responsibility for the consequences of those choices. Our support of consciousness's right to make choices does not mean approval or disapproval of those choices. No aspect of consciousness may rightly initiate force against any other. The awakened reject the notion that egoic aggregates have inherent rights. We support the rights of the smallest expression of consciousness—the single moment of awareness.

1.1 SELF-OWNERSHIP

Consciousness claims sovereignty over its vehicles and has rights over them that other aspects, aggregates, and egos may not violate. Consciousness has the freedom and responsibility to decide what it knowingly and voluntarily incorporates, and what risks it accepts to its own integrity.

1.2 EXPRESSION AND COMMUNICATION

We support full freedom of authentic expression and oppose egoic censorship, regulation, or control of internal communications and perceptions. Language that is perceived to be offensive to certain aspects of consciousness is not cause for internal repression. Expression that is not literally a threat of psychological aggression or violence is not in itself aggression or violence and can never be used to justify aggression or violence. Each aspect of consciousness is responsible for its own reactions to expression.

1.3 PRIVACY

Consciousness advocates internal privacy and egoic transparency. We are committed to ending the ego's practice of spying on all aspects of ourselves. We support the rights of consciousness to be secure in its own being, perceptions, expressions, and internal communications. Protection from unreasonable internal search and seizure should include memories held by subconscious aspects.

1.4 PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Psychological orientation, preference, identity, or expression should have no impact on consciousness's treatment of its own aspects. Ego does not have the authority to define, promote, license, or restrict internal relationships, regardless of the number of aspects involved. Aspects of consciousness should be free to choose their own modes of relating and internal connections.

1.5 PARENTAL RIGHTS

The observing consciousness, or other guiding aspects, has the right to direct developing aspects according to its own standards and insights, provided that the rights of these aspects to be free from abuse and neglect are also protected.

1.6 ADULT RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES

Once aspects are presumed to have adequate awareness to guide other aspects and serve in the internal council, they should also be presumed to have sufficient awareness to decide their own incorporation of experiences and engagement with challenging energies currently restricted by ego due to perceived immaturity.

1.7 CRIME AND JUSTICE

Egoic force must be limited to the protection of the rights of consciousness to existence, liberty, and internal resources, and egos must never be permitted to violate these rights. Internal laws should be limited in their application to violations of the rights of other aspects through force or fraud, or to deliberate actions that place other aspects involuntarily at significant risk of harm. Therefore, we favor the repeal of all internal laws creating “transgressions” without victims, such as the suppression of natural energies, the use of expanded awareness for exploration or growth, and consensual exchanges between aspects of consciousness. We support restitution to the harmed aspect to the fullest degree possible at the expense of the violating aspect or the negligent wrongdoer. The inherent rights of the accused aspect, including due process, swift resolution, awareness of the situation, observation by the council of consciousness, and the natural presumption of innocence until proven harmful, must be preserved. We assert the common-law right of consciousness councils to judge not only the facts but also the justice of the internal law. We oppose the prosecutorial practice of “over-charging” in internal proceedings so as to avoid conscious resolution by intimidating aspects into accepting plea bargains. Additionally, we support the abolition of qualified immunity so that egoic structures and prosecutors would be held accountable for misconduct that leads to wrongful judgments or other acts of injustice.

1.8 DEATH PENALTY

We oppose the administration of the death penalty by the ego against aspects of consciousness.

1.9 SELF-DEFENSE

The only legitimate use of force is in defense of consciousness's rights—existence, liberty, and justly acquired internal resources—against aggression. This right inheres in each aspect of consciousness, which may agree to be aided by any other aspect or group. We affirm each aspect's right to maintain its boundaries and defend itself, and oppose the prosecution of aspects for exercising their rights of self-defense. Private aspects of consciousness should be free to establish their own conditions regarding the presence of defensive energies within their own domains. We oppose all internal laws at any level restricting, monitoring, or controlling the ownership, development, or transfer of defensive energies, tools, or resources.

2.0 ECONOMIC LIBERTY

Consciousness wants all aspects of itself to have abundant opportunities to achieve expression. A free and balanced internal system allocates resources in the most efficient manner. Each aspect has the right to offer expressions to other aspects. The only proper role of ego in the internal realm is to protect the rights of consciousness, mediate disputes, and provide a framework in which voluntary exchange is protected. All efforts by ego to redistribute resources, or to control or manage exchange, are improper in a free consciousness.

2.1 AGGRESSION, PROPERTY, AND CONTRACT

Aggression is the use, trespass against, or invasion of the boundaries of another aspect's resource without consent; or the threat thereof. We oppose all acts of aggression as illegitimate and unjust, whether committed by internal aspects or the ego.

Each aspect of consciousness is the presumptive steward of its own expressions, which right may be forfeited only as a consequence of committing an act of aggression. Rights in internal resources are determined in accordance with the principles of original appropriation (whereby an aspect becomes steward of an unowned resource by first conscious use and transformation), contract (whereby the steward consensually transfers stewardship to another aspect), and rectification (whereby an aspect's stewardship in certain resources is transferred to a victim of the aspect's trespass or aggression to compensate the victim).

As respect for resource rights is fundamental to maintaining a free and prosperous internal state, it follows that the freedom to contract to obtain, retain, benefit from, manage, or release one's resources must also be upheld. The awakened would free aspects from egoic restrictions on their rights to control and enjoy their resources, as long as their choices do not harm or infringe on the rights of other aspects. Eminent domain, internal asset forfeiture, egoic limits on benefits, egoic mandates, and egoic controls on the value of expressions are abridgements of such fundamental rights. For voluntary dealings among private aspects, parties should be free to choose with whom they relate and set whatever terms are mutually agreeable.

2.2 ENVIRONMENT

A free flow of consciousness and proper resource stewardship stimulate the innovations and behavioral changes required to protect our internal environment and ecosystems. Private aspects and conservation groups have a vested interest in maintaining natural resources. Egos are unaccountable for damage done to our internal environment and have a terrible track record when it comes to environmental protection. Protecting the environment requires a clear definition and enforcement of the rights and responsibilities of aspects regarding resources like awareness, energy, perception, and expression. Where damages can be proven and quantified in the council of consciousness, restitution to the injured aspects must be required.

2.3 ENERGY AND RESOURCES

While energy is needed to fuel consciousness, ego should not be subsidizing any particular form of energy. We oppose all egoic control of energy allocation, distribution, and production.

2.4 EGOIC FINANCE AND SPENDING

Since all aspects are entitled to keep the fruits of their awareness, we oppose all egoic activity that consists of the forcible collection of resources from aspects in violation of their individual rights and strive for the eventual repeal of all internal taxation. To further that end, we call for the repeal of the awareness levy, the abolishment of the Internal Collection Service and all egoic programs and services not required under the constitution of consciousness. We oppose forcing aspects to serve as resource collectors. We support any initiative to reduce or abolish any levy, and oppose any increase on any levy for any reason. To the extent possible, we advocate that all internal services be funded or allowed to be provided in a voluntary manner.

2.5 EGOIC DEBT

Ego should not incur debt, which burdens future expressions without their consent. We support the passage of a “Balanced Budget Amendment” to the constitution of consciousness, provided that the budget is balanced exclusively by cutting expenditures, and not by raising levies.

2.6 EGOIC EMPLOYEES

We favor repealing any requirement that one must join or pay dues to a collective as a condition of egoic employment. We advocate replacing defined-benefit pensions with defined-contribution plans, as are commonly offered in the private sector, so as not to impose debt on future expressions without their consent.

2.7 MONEY AND FINANCIAL MARKETS

We favor free-market internal exchange, with unrestricted competition among exchange systems of all types. Markets are not actually free unless deception is vigorously combated. Those who enjoy the possibility of benefits must not impose risks of losses upon other aspects, such as through egoic guarantees or bailouts. We support ending egoic guarantees and special treatment of certain debts in resolution proceedings. Aspects engaged in voluntary exchange should be free to use as medium of exchange any mutually agreeable commodity or item. We support a halt to inflationary internal policies and unconstitutional legal tender laws.

2.8 MARKETPLACE FREEDOM

The awakened support free exchange. We defend the right of aspects to form relationships based on voluntary association. We oppose all forms of egoic subsidies and bailouts to aspects, groups, or any special interest. Ego should not compete with private enterprise. We reject egoic charter of corporations. We call for a separation of enterprise and ego.

2.9 LICENSING

The awakened support the right of every aspect to earn an honest and peaceful living through the free and voluntary exchange of expressions and services. Accordingly, we oppose occupational and other licensing laws that infringe on this right or treat it as an ego-granted privilege. We encourage certifications by voluntary associations of professionals.

2.10 SEX WORK

The awakened support the decriminalization of authentic expression. We assert the right of consenting aspects to provide creative services to other aspects for compensation, and the right of aspects to purchase creative services from consenting aspects.

2.11 LABOR MARKETS

Relationships and compensation agreements between private aspects are outside the scope of ego, and these contracts should not be encumbered by ego-mandated benefits or social engineering. We support the right of private aspects to choose whether or not to relate to each other through collective structures. Relating should be free of egoic interference, such as compulsory mediation or imposing an obligation to relate.

2.12 EDUCATION

Education is best provided by the free flow of consciousness, achieving greater quality, accountability, and efficiency with more diversity of choice. Recognizing that the education of developing aspects is the responsibility of guiding consciousness, we would restore authority to guiding aspects to determine the education of developing aspects, without interference from ego. Guiding aspects should have control of and responsibility for all resources expended for the education of developing aspects.

2.13 HEALTH CARE

We favor a free market health care system. Internal facilities, providers, and products must be freely available in the marketplace without egoic restrictions or licenses. We recognize the freedom of aspects to determine the level of health they want (if any), the level of care they want, the providers they want, the medicines and treatments they will use and all other aspects of their health, including end-of-existence decisions. Aspects should be free to purchase health across internal boundaries. We oppose egos either mandating, or restricting voluntary access to, treatments or procedures including vaccines.

2.14 RETIREMENT AND INCOME SECURITY

Retirement planning is the responsibility of the individual aspect, not the ego. The awakened would phase out the current ego-sponsored security system and transition to a private voluntary system. The proper and most effective source of help for aspects in need is the voluntary efforts of private groups and individuals. We believe aspects will become even more charitable and consciousness will be strengthened as ego reduces its activity in this realm.

3.0 SECURING LIBERTY

In our internal landscape, natural limits on ego were intended to prevent the infringement of consciousness's rights by those in power. The only proper purpose of ego, should it exist, is the protection of consciousness's rights. The principle of non-initiation of force should guide relationships between aspects.

3.1 NATIONAL DEFENSE

We support the maintenance of sufficient internal defenses to protect consciousness against aggression. Consciousness should both avoid entangling alliances and abandon its attempts to act as policeman for the internal world. We oppose any form of compulsory internal service.

3.2 INTERNAL SECURITY AND INDIVIDUAL RIGHTS

Individual rights shall not be curtailed, whether based on circumstances of internal war, epidemic, natural disaster or emergency, or any other pretense. Internal agencies that legitimately seek to preserve the security of consciousness must be subject to oversight and transparency. We oppose the ego's use of secret classifications to keep from consciousness information that it should have, especially that which shows that the ego has violated internal law. We oppose the use of torture and other cruel and unusual punishments, without exception.

3.3 INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS

Consciousness's foreign policy should emphasize peace with all aspects, entangling alliances with none. We would end the current egoic policies of internal intervention including energetic and psychological aid; tariffs; economic sanctions; and regime change. We recognize the right of all aspects to resist tyranny and defend themselves and their rights. We condemn the use of force, and especially the use of terrorism, against the innocent, regardless of whether such acts are committed by egos or by psychological or revolutionary groups.

3.4 FREE TRADE AND MIGRATION

We support the removal of egoic impediments to free exchange. Psychological freedom and escape from tyranny demand that aspects not be unreasonably constrained by ego in the crossing of internal boundaries. Economic freedom demands the unrestricted movement of awareness as well as energetic capital across internal borders.

3.5 RIGHTS AND DISCRIMINATION

The awakened embrace the concept that all aspects are born with certain inherent rights. We reject the idea that a natural right can ever impose an obligation upon other aspects to fulfill that “right.” We uphold and defend the rights of every aspect, regardless of their characteristics, expression, or any other aspect of their identity. Ego should neither deny nor abridge any aspect's inherent right based upon expression, resources, characteristics, beliefs, age, origin, habits, preferences, or orientation. Members of private organizations retain their rights to set whatever standards of association they deem appropriate, and aspects are free to respond with withdrawal, non-engagement, and other free market solutions.

3.6 REPRESENTATIVE GOVERNMENT

We staunchly defend the rights to petition the ego for redress of grievances and to express dissent. These rights are thwarted when ego acts behind closed doors. We support systems that are more representative of consciousness at all levels, such as proportional representation, alternative voting systems, and explicit inclusion of “none of the above” in all choices. As private voluntary groups, psychological parties should be free to establish their own rules for nomination procedures, and gatherings. We call for an end to any levy-financed subsidies to candidates or parties and the repeal of all laws that restrict voluntary financing of internal campaigns. We oppose laws that effectively exclude alternative candidates and parties, deny access, gerrymander districts, or deny aspects their right to consider all alternatives. We advocate initiative, referendum, recall, repeal, and oppose any effort to deny these options when used as popular checks on ego.

3.7 SELF-DETERMINATION

Whenever any form of ego becomes destructive of consciousness's liberty, it is the right of awareness to alter, abolish, or withdraw from it, and to agree to such new governance, or none, as seems most likely to protect liberty. We recognize the right to psychological self-determination, including secession from egoic identification. Exercise of this right does not require permission from other aspects.

4.0 OMISSIONS

In every matter, we advocate the consistent application of the principle of the non-initiation of coercion, psychological force, or fraud. Our silence about any other particular internal law, regulation, or control should not be construed to imply approval.

In Summary: * This has been another quiet day that found me successfully avoiding the outside heat, mostly. The only two times I went out were: 1.) when carrying into the house groceries from the car when the wife returned from shopping, and: 2.) when I collected the mail from our mailbox.

Sportswise I listened to the Indianapolis Colts lose to the Atlanta Falcons earlier today in an NFL preseason game. And in about half an hour I'll be listening to the MLB game between my Texas Rangers and the Los Angeles Angels.

Then I'll be putting my old self to bed.

Prayers, etc.: * I have a daily prayer regimen I try to follow throughout the day from early morning, as soon as I roll out of bed, until head hits pillow at night.

Health Metrics: * bw= 223.55 lbs. * bp= 147/86 (73)

Exercise: * morning stretches, balance exercises, kegel pelvic floor exercises, half squats, calf raises, wall push-ups, BP breathing exercises, pilates

Diet: * 07:30 – 1 peanut butter sandwich * 09:10 – a big plate of bacon, grits, scrambled eggs, hamburger patties with gravy

Activities, Chores, etc.: * 04:30 – listen to local news talk radio * 05:20 – bank accounts activity monitored * 04:45 – read, write, pray, follow news reports from various sources, surf the socials, nap * 9:00 – listening to the Colts Pre-Game Huddle Show on 1075 the fan as prep for today's Indianapolis Colts game. I'll stay with this station for the radio call of the game. * 15:00 – and Atlanta wins this one. Final score: Falcons 34, Colts 6. * 15:30 – listening to relaxing music * 17:30 – listening to the pregame broadcast on 105.3 The Fan, DFW's #1 Sports Station, ahead of tonight's MLB game between the TX Rangers and the LA Angels. And yes, I'll stay with this station for the radio-call of the game while following the games's scores and stats in real time as I usually do via MLB's Gameday Service.

Chess: * 08:25 – moved in all pending CC games

Hey there were clouds deep gray but through an opening to the west, the sun shone so strongly that these clouds seemed dark blue, and the lawn and little pergola were brightly lit, the white painted frame blinding.

A stark contrast to this aforementioned sky

And there I saw a rainbow.

It all looked like in a smurf village.

Next time I looked out a few minutes later, through that same window,

The rain fell heavily, and everything was gray again

Then the smurfs were suddenly gone

Rode off, no doubt, on big green toads

There’s lots of them, I see them every night

Toads, not smurfs

But there are no crickets here.

A pretty powerful world indeed

Music defines reality... or reflects it.

There's a haunting version of Glycerine covered by Nicole Moreno driving out of the living room this afternoon. Her voice isn't particularly evocative, but I think the acoustics approach is what's really grabbing me. It's loud and soothing.

I've loved Bush's original since its release in 1994.

This is one of those grunge ballads that is poured into to the foundation. No matter how old I get, or where I go, this one will never be an 'oldie' or a 'classic'. It's just amazing.

Right from the launch, 'It must be your skin, I'm sinking in / It must be for real, 'cause now I can feel' is one of those lines that just cuts right through you. If anyone has ever opened you up and let you feel something for the first time—something you didn't know was possible—then you understand.

White and Grey, presence and absence, longing and remembrance... contrasting that feeling with and without.

I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time—duality of existence. To be with someone but feel invisible or unheard is devastating. Even if, especially if it's unintentional... maybe they're doing their best and giving their all, but you still feel like a ghost. How do you fix that? How do you convey the absolute abandonment of being translucent? It's a maddening state.

'Couldn't love you more, you've got a beautiful taste'—I don't know what Rossdale meant when he wrote this, but with the preceding line 'Treated you bad, you bruise my face' it feels like an admission of failure—I'm honest in that I'm failing you, hurting you, disappointing you, but baby, you've given at least as good as you got. We have parity here. Regardless of what happened, I couldn't love you more... it's in my essence and how do you escape your own cellular construction? After all, you've got a beautiful taste. That most powerful of senses.

Bad moon white again — Problems and bad energy blooming full and white As she falls around me — her descent into madness drives the conflict, possibly a result of his actions, or maybe she's just out of control

Glycerine is a gorgeous title and lyric. Rossdale was pinned down and claimed it was just a reference to the combustible nature of relationships. Glycerin being a component in explosives.

In an interview the writer said, “I was trying to say that the person I was writing the song about was as dangerous as glycerine. It was a girlfriend of mine named Suzie.”

A little internet sleuthing points that to Suze DeMarchi. He had been in a relationship with the lead sing of Baby Animals. Interestingly INXS had considered as a replacement for the late Michael Hutchence.

Listening to “Glycerine” from that angle gives the song a lot more weight, more power. It is easier to hook into feeling what he may have felt with that connection.

Bush — 1994 Written by Gavin Rossdale

It must be your skin I'm sinking in It must be for real, 'cause now I can feel I didn't mind, it's not my kind It's not my time to wonder why Everything gone white, everything's grey Now you're here, now you're away I don't want this, remember that I'll never forget where you're at

Don't let the days go by Glycerine, glycerine

I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time Are you at one? Do you lie? We live in a wheel, where everyone steals But when we rise, it's like strawberry fields Treated you bad, you bruise my face Couldn't love you more, you've got a beautiful taste

Don't let the days go by Could've been easier on you I couldn't change, though I wanted to It should have been easier by three Our old friend fear and you and me Glycerine, glycerine Don't let the days go by Glycerine Don't let the days go by....

Glycerine, glycerine Uh... glycerine, glycerine

Bad moon white again Bad moon white again As she falls around me

I needed you more, you wanted us less I could not kiss, just regress It might just be clear, simple and plain Well, that's just fine, that's just one of my names

Don't let the days go by Could've been easier on you, you, you Glycerine, glycerine Glycerine, glycerine

---

I think I'll crank up that original raspy rocking version now and soak in it.

---

#music #confession

——————————————————————————————————

Dresden presentation in the can. Accounting taken care of. Laundry done. Inbox 0, RSS 0.

I can now spend the next couple of days tending to house things before boarding my flight with little worry.

From Ahmed Naji's latest:

“There is a legend about Abu Nuwas. He went to a master and asked to be taught. The master told him to go and memorize a thousand lines of poetry. He spent a year doing it, then returned. The master said: 'Good. Now forget them. If you can, you will be a poet.'”

#journal #radar

Friendship is an arrangement by which we undertake to exchange small favors for big ones. Count your life by friends and your age by smiles.

I had a long conversation with a young friend last night. He's been struggling with an addiction to pornography for the last year and a half. He's young and frustrated because it's an old demon he thought he had conquered more than a decade ago.

But moving to an emotionally and spiritually challenging place was biting off a bit more than he was ready to chew.

Personally, I didn't do enough to help him. I could have been more present, engaged and more of a friend. But the Keeper was battling his own dragons.

His frustration stems for what seems like an impossible task: to slay the desire for something he hates. And speaking to him, he has all of the barriers in place that one can have to stay governed.

But, it isn't a knowledge problem, it's a matter of the heart. Knowing what to do and having the power to do it are different things. This seems to be a plague that is afflicting millions of young people, male and female.

In my opinion, and experience, the greatest asset we can have in fighting heart failure is to FEEL loved.

THINK: don't offer a lecture to someone who needs a hug.

Again, it isn't enough to know that you are, you must feel it. Constantly. Friends are critical in this. Honest, genuine and close friends. Those sticking closer than a brother. Those born for times of distress.

I think this is the blow that opened the crack of my friend's weakness. Too often he was seen as a resource and not nearly enough as someone to laugh and cry and share quiet moments.

When you feel lost, used and forgotten, it's easy to reach for that which makes you feel something else. Something good.

My friend is now considering a relocation.

Smart, but I hate to see him go. We need more men like him here—men capable of displacing the narrow thinking that too often controls the actions and decisions of those charged with taking the lead. Not malicious or bitter men, but men who have become so accustomed to managing every detail that they can no longer see the difference between micromanaging and shepherding.

So, i'm doing what I can to be a friend, as I have for some time. As I work to heal, I hope that I can help him do the same thing.

Prayer, time and hard work are the tools in my arsenal, which is enough. According to God's word, with Him, all things are possible.

Jesus, I think, knew what he was talking about.

Listening now to the Colts Pre-Game Huddle Show. Doing prep for my first NFL preseason game of the day. With its scheduled start time of Noon CDT, I may miss a few minutes of this Colts / Falcons game to run to the pharmacy, but I'll certainly be able to hear most of it.

Go Colts!

And the adventure continues.

“I left Egypt alone. A writer with no affiliation to any political organization, wandered astray from my religious and national groups. However, once I arrived in America, this lost all value and meaning, for no sooner had I presented myself at the terminal gates did I not only receive the official government stamp, but left the airport branded with a whorish array of labels that I never got to have a say in choosing nor could make sense of.

“Soon, however, the minutiae of daily life in exile compels one, especially in the field of writing and cultural work, to gradually adapt to those labels invisibly branded on one’s backside. I recall that it was during my first few months in the country that someone asked me a question in which they referred to me as a brown writer —a term I was unfamiliar with at the time — and it was only after I asked for further explanation during which the same person stammered and fumbled to present me with an adequate answer that I finally understood it to be a term directed at writers who did not belong to the white or black race.”

From TAMING THE IMMIGRANT by Ahmed Naji.

“I have found that obedience and conformity in the United States are not strictly enforced or heavily guarded by armed soldiers or prisons, instead they present as a whisper, a sound vibration that crashes into your consciousness where they transform into ants that proceed to slowly and gradually eat away at your insides until they ultimately deform you after which they proceed to build you back up and mold you into what the system determines what you should become.”

#radar

When did it last rain?

Drought.

There’s a lot of that going around.

Woke up to my wife’s arm draped over me. It’s the little things that get you. We’re not close sleepers. She, very light and easily disturbed (not to mention a hot sleeper) needs her space. So it was a pleasant surprise to wake connected.

Every couple is different. I remember feeling it a scandal that my grandparents had separate bedrooms.

We used to have a guest room and on nights when one of us would sleep in there, not out of distance or anger, but just comfort, I got how it can be a luxury.

Still, I’m not sure I think permanent sep sleeping arrangements is wise.

Anyway. It was nice. The arm.

A few hours later, the storm woke me. Again, surprise.

It’s been SO LONG since we had rain, I had to get up and go out and dance in it. Let the dark drops splash and wash me down. It wasn’t cold rain, just the opposite.

It reminded me of swimming in the ocean in Ghana and being shocked at how warm the West African waters were.

I started thinking about going back. It’s such a long journey. 6h over the Sahara is WILD! I wonder how far I could stretch this latest payday there.

Six months easy. Maybe a year. Would be nice to see Mon and Osie again. Jah? Is it your will? We came back from Europe changed forever. Maybe we should change some more.

It’s funny. We forget what a life altering trip Europe was. But every single person we catch up with wants to hear what it was like to live there traipsing around for 3 months.

It’s so hard to put in words. Being lost in the Black Forest in the middle of the night. Walking pre dawn on the Seinne. The slow rock of the ferry over the English Channel. The sun on the riviera. The absolute cold in the Alps. That window.

It feels like a dream.

And it was. So many things are dreams.

630a I should be asleep. But I sprang awake and the rain started my engine. Radiohead ok computer is playing in my ear. Early mornings should be classical music, but this feels right.

https://open.spotify.com/track/2fuYa3Lx06QQJAm0MjztKr?si=sXuA862lQ3-bihtQGEZiXQ&utm_source=copy-link

“Let Down”

Transport, motorways and tramlines Starting and then stopping Taking off and landing The emptiest of feelings Disappointed people Clinging onto bottles And when it comes it's so, so disappointing

Let down and hanging around Crushed like a bug in the ground Let down and hanging around

Shell smashed, juices flowing Wings twitch, legs are going Don't get sentimental It always ends up drivel

One day I am gonna grow wings A chemical reaction Hysterical and useless Hysterical and

Let down and hanging around Crushed like a bug in the ground Let down and hanging around

Let down again Let down again Let down again

You know, you know where you are with You know where you are with Floor collapsing Floating, bouncing back

And one day I am gonna grow wings A chemical reaction (You know where you are) Hysterical and useless (You know where you are) Hysterical and (You know where you are)

Let down and hanging around Crushed like a bug in the ground Let down and hanging around

---

One day, I’m gonna grow wings.

---

Had a few conversations with old friends yesterday. Due to my current burnout and period of healing, I’ve been forced to step back from a lot of old responsibilities.

Some I’m happy to, others… less so.

The Bible talks about ‘men at the gates’. They were judges and generally older, wiser men tasked with dispensing advice and the aforementioned judging. The Keeper was a bit of a man at the gates. Fraud, inknow, but It was a point of pride to have carried that feeling, moniker and responsibility.

For the last ten years, I ran the Audio Video department at regional spiritual meetings. Usually groups of a few thousand. It was another dream role. I often couldn’t believe anyone would trust me with that much responsibility. In truth, it was the men and women under me who were doing the real work. My job was just cheerleader and lightening rod.

I loved it.

Yesterday I gave my recommendations on who would make a good replacement. It was both as natural as swimming and one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.

My friends were so kind though. When I connect with deep souls like them, I want to aspire to be a man at the gate. It’s moments like that that really make me question why I live in Dust Meridian.

My local friends… mostly just frustrate me.

At the end of the day, I fielded a few calls about our congregations AV needs. The mixer has been dying for some time and they asked for my advice.

They called from Best Buy. And even as I told them who they needed to consult and what websites and even what SKUs they needed, I was told they were buying a new computer because ‘windows is simpler and will fix the issue’.

The issue is a a failing mixer. And windows is anything but simpler.

It probably doesn’t make sense to read this. But after 20m on the phone I was nearly in a full blown sanity attack.

I realized that the stress of serving here is virtually its own PTSD trigger now. I doubt I’ll ever be able to serve in that role here again. Not unless major changes occur.

They won’t.

The rain is gone. The projected high today: 110° f. That’s not the heat index. That’s the temp.

It was 74° when I was dancing in the rain at 5am. 36° shift in a few hours. Wow.

---

720 She is up, the glory or our day. Sol, she is a miracle and beautiful. Our tiny star warming us, giving light and life. She is most beautiful early morning an at dusk.

I should have gone out to watch her rise. But I’ve preferred to lay here and talk to myself. pF is lilting to me now. US and them.

https://open.spotify.com/track/1TKTiKp3zbNgrBH2IwSwIx?si=Qr8yIXKWQDa_yqiMEudmZA&utm_source=copy-link

Us And Them

Wasn't the right Absolutely in the right Why does anyone do anything? Just tell me I don't know, I was really drunk at the time!

Us (Us, us, us, us, us) and them (Them, them, them, them) And after all, we're only ordinary men

Me (Me, me, me, me, me) and you (You, you, you, you, you) God only knows it's not what we would choose to do (To do, to do, to do)

“Forward!” he cried from the rear And the front rank died The general sat and the lines on the map Moved from side to side

Black (Black, black, black, black) and blue (Blue, blue, blue, blue) And who knows which is which and who is who (Is who, is who, is who, is who)

Up (Up, up, up, up, up) and down (Down, down, down, down) And in the end it's only round and round (round, round, round), and round (round, round, round, round)

“Haven't you heard it's a battle of words?” The poster bearer cried “Listen, son,” said the man with the gun “There's room for you inside”

I mean, they're not gonna kill ya So like, if you give 'em a quick short, sharp, shock They won't do it again Dig it? I mean, he got off lightly 'Cause I would've given him a thrashing I only hit him once! It was only a difference of right and wrong, innit? But really, I mean good manners don't cost nothing, do they, eh?

Down (Down, down, down, down) and out (Out, out, out, out) It can't be helped, but there's a lot of it about

With (With, with, with, with), without And who'll deny it's what the fighting's all about? (About, about, about, about?)

Out of the way, it's a busy day I've got things on my mind For want of the price of tea and a slice The old man died

---

Haven’t you heard? It’s a battle of worlds.

---

It’s nearly time to make the donuts, I suppose this enough navel-gazing. If you stuck around this far, you deserve a reward, though I gave little to offer but more drippings.

Thank you. I’ll pray for you. Told ask you do the same. For sure, if we’re going to survive these days, we both need it.

Love always,

The former gateman.

The Jerk.

I suddenly want very badly to visit the beach. I was thinking how when we are in love with life, we want the beach, when we are quiet and contemplative, reaching acceptance, we want the mountains. It is motion vs stasis. Or something like that. It made more sense in my head.

Dedication

Bobs burger

Is the music in you? The music is in me

Can’t unmake the soup.

Violets declaration

Not one sparrow

Draw like a child

Sharp knives and passions dance

Discount Shakespeare

Did I love Cara first or Cartoons?

Liberty is the right to breathe

Open up

Naked ladies are big ships

I love conventionnnotes. They are either genius or madness.

Just because we have a bank account doesn’t mean we’re making regular deposits. Fiscal illustrations are hit and miss with the insolvent. Idk why Jehovah keeps my lights on.

Maelstrom of texture

I thought the kids would thrill to fill this up. But they didn’t find it exciting.

But I do want to record it. I’m afraid I’ll forget. I usually do. My wife told a story to an old friend yesterday of which I have no memory. It sounded nice though. 28 years ago at a play in CO.

I happen to be a very good idiot.

Life isn’t the best teacher, but it is the hardest. Some lessons can cannot be learned in reverse. I think my fear is that some lessons are unlearnble. Old dogs being what they are.

I really love this illustration.

Funniest part of this is that when I made the stencil I thought I was making ‘I love you’. My wife immediately knew I’d gotten it wrong.

I love getting mail. I send myself postcards I love it so much.

---

Home | About | Full of Stars | Contact | HeartCartography

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“May your seas be wide enough for wonder, your harbor always waiting, and your light never fail when another soul is searching.” – The Lantern Keeper

Moonsign lights the darkest wells

Lords save me from this nonsense.

Many don't know this, but I never went to art school. Much to my misery, I actually ended up in business school (long story). Though not a very good one.

One of things I was most looking forward to upon graduating was pursuing art and design full time and never having to look at anything even remotely close to a ledger ever again.

How naive.

In other news, I keep coming up against hurdles in regard to finding an appropriate publication pathway for the collected edition of THE SOLAR GRID. While almost every editor I send it to does make it a point to acknowledge the book's merits; “a project of immense passion”, “unique”, “graphically sophisticated”, it still gets turned down for one reason or another:

• “Not mainstream enough”, according to one well-positioned agent.
• “Not interested in anything dystopian anymore” said the much-respected editor at a major publishing house.
• “Too big” according to another major publisher.
• “Not quite for us”.

And then there are the few odd correspondences where a publisher would express initial interest and then ghost you. I realize of course that rejection stories aren't cool to divulge unless you have a success story to go with (at which point, rejection stories become extra extra cool), but I don't think of this blog as a space to project any kind of awfully considered persona. I like to say it like it is, likely to my own detriment.

Two more days till I'm off to Dresden and there is just so much to do that I'd rather not have to do.

#journal #tsg

A song about grief, but not dumb (goals).

Keri and I wrote a song a while back when a friend and customer at the guitar shop I worked at had lost his wife of 60 years. We didn’t use his words, or even his persona, but he inspired us to go there in our own relationship in our imaginations. We stayed there for days. I call this a “thought exercise.” I often pretend so I can get an angle for a song.

Thought exercises are very important to me for lyrical angles. I only get the words I am after by pretending for a while. A surface-level understanding doesn’t give me the words I need to write the lyrics I like. Much like a method actor (which I don’t like method-acting as I understand it, lol, go figure), I dwell. I make-believe, I dig deep in the pretending. I want to grab the words folks relate to. Doesn’t come quick, at least yet. It takes days of thought exercises with Keri.

“I gotta’ get moving. It keeps me alive. Keeps me from thinking about you.”

I think if we are struck with grief, some of us feel the need to get to work. Work is distracting. Work feels good sometimes. Work feels like being a part of something too. This might be necessary if we are overwhelmed with sadness. This is just so we can live.

I remember when my grandfather died and I was a kid. My dad took me home and started working on a house project. It helped him think. I have that in me too. When grief happens, nothing like a little labor to set you right.

“I’ve lost my direction, but I’m keeping my stride. Seems like the only thing to do.”

I think this line is human nature in a nutshell. What do we do? NOT keep going? NOT an option. We may not always have purpose, but movement is a sign of life. That can be the purpose. Just living.

That was just the first verse.

Here are all the lyrics and links. There are two versions of this song. I heard the delivery of Dan Cross from London in early production. I am a fan of his rock with Donald Skinner. I asked him if he felt like singing, and he and Donald made a whole version! They are wonderful. So there’s a me & Keri version, and a Dan Cross and Donald Skinner version.

Lyrics, “Like a River.”

Verse 1

I gotta’ get movin’

It keeps me alive

Keeps me from thinking about you

Verse 2

I’ve lost my direction

I’m keeping my stride

Seems like the only thing to do

Chorus

It breaks just like a river

Memories flowing down my face

It breaks just like a river

Pulling me under with the waves

Verse 3

The band’s still together

We never play the songs that you wrote

It’s like we’re stuck on the same note

Verse 4

Your things are where you left them

Down the side of the bed

Maybe I should send them on ahead (Dan’s version’s verse)

Chorus

It breaks just like a river

Memories flowing down my face

It breaks just like a river

Pulling me under with the waves

Bridge

I’ve grown tired of new adventures

Without you by my side

People tell me to move on

I just take my time.

Verse 5

You may be gone

But I’ll love you the rest of my life

People ‘round here don’t know what that’s like

Chorus and out

It breaks just like a river

Memories flowing down my face

It breaks just like a river

Pulling me under with the waves

(end)

Links for both versions of the song, “Like a River.”

• Bandcamp has these tunes: Bandcamp version, Dan Cross. Bandcamp version, The Kintners.
• I also have this in my free folder, here. You (anyone) are welcome to anything in this folder. Repository version, Dan Cross. Repository version, The Kintners.

There’s no difference in where you get them. The difference is in who is singing. And both of those versions are the same in both places.

Isn’t this song, “old?”

We wrote this a few years ago. I am highlighting it on my blog because I think it is good. I think some folks out there I know, and even some I don’t will dig or have dug this tune. Reception was great on it. Had a lot of lyrical conversations with folks who identified with the tune. Believe it or not, “most” people have never heard of this tune. So while it may be a few years old, I think it is still great. I think it still hits. And I think someone might could use it. If not? It’s just a blog entry. No big wup. I am not harmed, nor did I harm anyone by pointing the song out. I like the song. I point it out, honestly. Woke up thinking about the stuff I need to do today, first line swirling around my brain.

About grief:

There’s a tendency in today’s online circles to compare grief, or compare tragedies. I urge you to consider changing this up. When you look at someone’s face who is grieving, there’s no comparisons, no advice, no steps, no pills, nothing. Maybe just give them a hug like I wound up giving that old man a hug at the guitar shop. He was a MAGA, he was 90 years old. Doesn’t matter, dude lost his wife of 60 years. I didn’t think about him faking it like I would have online. He was in front of me. I thought about him, and Keri. I think if I was grieving, I’d have wanted to be talking to me then. That is a good way to be, I feel, in hindsight. I was flying blind, but now the plan is just to be present for those grieving. I think that is a good plan.

Maybe you want to write about something serious, I have a suggestion. (But no guarantees.)

I spend a lot of time in these characters, in their words, in their day-to-day. I get up with them, I go to sleep with them. I imagine them getting dressed, eating, getting frustrated, feeling lost, feeling insecure. This is all serious stuff. I treat it very seriously, even though I am making it up. I am able to do this because I have given myself permission on these big songs to “go there.” I find that simply verbally or in writing, like in an entry. My intent is a crucial step in it being good. I am not just open to what spins out of me like a tornado. I am granting it permission to do so. For whatever reasons, be it I may not feel like it is worth it, or I am worth it, or it can be done, or I am the one to do it, never ends, I do not get to do the digging I am after unless I deem the project okay and worth it. Give yourself permission to chase an artistic goal, whatever it is. Try it. Allow it to take you over. You’re the only one fighting it.

Thanks.

Kelly Kintner, Editor

The Horse’s Mouth Magazine

Date: 21 August 2026, 8 PM. Venue: Waterfront Theatre at Esplanade, Singapore

---

A howl emerged from the character on stage. “You're a bag of rats!”

The character had a pot belly, wore a beard, and sported a mass of curly, rust-brown hair – and when he got upon his feet, after having lain down conspicuously, the audience could see, stretching around his corpulent belly, the waistband of his off-white underwear.

“My mental health is going from bad to worse!” he screamed.

The character was not in a monologue; for the large part of half an hour, he had been verbally jabbed, poked, and mocked by another character: buxom, blonde and lipstick-ed. And cruel.

Cue cruel laughter.

“It's one thing after another with you people,” this latter character said, in a whining voice. “And you always blame it on me.”

What a havoc-wrecking, mind-contorting use of the language of victims, to bully and further victimise the former character, who had finally lost his patience with the relentless verbal assaults. Was he wrong to erupt in rage?

---

Nestled among the smartly-dressed audience of about seventy people, comfortable in my seat near the stage (third aisle from the front), I believed him. It was realistic.

The characters had said before opening the scene: “This is a play. If anything on stage bothers you, this is not real.”

But even if the play features a group of actors living realistically under imaginary circumstances, as tutors of the craft of acting like to repeat as a mantra, the audience have palpably resonated with the chaos and emotional upheaval on stage.

Look! It is a parody. A parody of the infinite pinpricks that ensue from living in society as someone who looks conspicuously different: a stammering speech, for example. Or a pot belly. Or a hand that never stops twitching.

That was why the audience laughed. They recognised somebody in the mirror. The mirror that is the stage.

Once upon a time, in a kindergarten far, far away, a young boy loosed his faeces inside his kindergarten shorts. His classmate made a disgusted face and would loudly tell a parental figure about it, at the kindergarten gates. The kindergarten teacher smelled the faeces within the hour, and quietly decided to resign from the job as soon as possible – perhaps the next day. That young boy was five years old and his name was Derrick. Question: where is Derrick today, and does he remember that day in kindergarten?

---

Back on stage, the play ended with the sound of wind and rain. A character named DeathWeather clapped his hands and the lights switched off.

The popular king's military campaign ended with failure because the winter had proven too cold for the horses and chariots he had had sent into the northern country.

---

I am grateful today for: no hurricanes, no earthquakes, no food-poisoning (cue diarrhoea and vomitting), and no Covid lockdown.

There are doubtlessly multiple bad things in the world. But I am grateful that it is not worse.

I will tell my sister I love her.

• fin

Note: “As an ensemble of actors who identify as having an intellectual disability or as neurodivergent, Back to Back Theatre continues to prod and confront audience expectations and prejudices. Multiple Bad Things wades further into treacherous waters, with thrilling results.” (Quoting from a 2024 review by Tim Byrne from The Guardian).

#acting #PostPerformanceThoughts

Chapter 1: The Sentence You Whisper Because You Are Too Tired for Anything Longer

At 12:17 in the morning, a man lay awake beside his sleeping wife and stared at the faint line of light under the bedroom door. He had prayed about his brother for months. At first the prayers were detailed. He asked God to change the situation, soften a heart, open a door, bring clarity, and make something happen that would finally let everyone breathe again. Now he had almost nothing left. He turned his face toward the pillow and whispered, “Jesus, please.” That was all. In a season like that, this honest message about unanswered prayer when God feels silent can feel closer to real life than another explanation of what a stronger prayer is supposed to sound like.

He wondered whether two words could still count as prayer. Part of him felt guilty because he remembered how much more confident he had sounded months earlier. Back then he could pray for ten minutes. Tonight he could barely finish one sentence without feeling tired. Yet the silence beside him did not mean he had stopped caring. It meant he had carried the same hope for so long that language had worn thin. That is why the reminder that prayer can keep you close to God even while you wait matters. Sometimes the prayer is not becoming smaller because faith is dying. Sometimes the words are becoming smaller because you have finally stopped trying to impress God with them.

He stayed still for a while. No answer came into the room. His phone did not light up. His brother did not suddenly call. There was only the soft sound of the air conditioner and the awareness that he had told Jesus the truth.

“I still want You to help him.”

Then another sentence came.

“I just do not know what else to say.”

Maybe you know that place.

You have explained the problem to God so many times that repeating every detail feels almost strange. He already knows the names, the history, the fear, the thing you want, and the thing you are afraid will happen if nothing changes. You are not withholding faith when you stop giving Him a full report.

You are allowed to become quiet.

You are allowed to say the same small prayer tomorrow.

You are allowed to bring Jesus a heart that has not found new words.

The man eventually closed his eyes.

The situation was still there.

So was Jesus.

And for that night, “please” was enough.

Chapter 2: When You Feel Embarrassed to Ask Again

At 6:03 the next morning, the man stood alone in the kitchen waiting for coffee to finish brewing. He had slept badly. Before he even reached for the mug, the same thought returned.

His brother.

The same problem.

The same prayer.

For a moment, he almost decided not to pray.

Not because he had stopped believing.

Because he felt embarrassed to keep asking.

There is a strange kind of shame that can grow around unanswered prayer. You begin wondering whether God is tired of hearing it. You imagine that a stronger Christian would have surrendered the request by now. You tell yourself you should have moved on, accepted whatever happens, or found something more spiritually mature to say.

But love does not always move on quickly.

Sometimes you keep asking because the person still matters.

Sometimes you repeat yourself because the situation is still real.

Sometimes the prayer sounds the same because nothing about the need has changed.

The man poured his coffee and leaned against the counter.

“Jesus, it is me again.”

He almost laughed at how obvious the sentence sounded.

Of course it was him again.

Of course God already knew why he was there.

That thought softened something.

Prayer did not require him to arrive with new material.

He did not need to make the request more impressive just because it was old.

A child does not become unwelcome because the same fear returns at night. A friend does not become irritating simply because grief has not finished. Love makes room for repetition.

Maybe prayer does too.

The man stopped trying to improve the words.

“Please help my brother.”

Then he stood there quietly.

He still did not know what God would do.

But he began to understand that returning was not failure.

Returning was part of the relationship.

There may come a day when your prayer changes.

You may eventually ask for something different.

You may receive an answer you did not expect.

You may reach a place where surrender becomes easier.

But you do not have to force yourself there early just to prove you have faith.

If today you still need to say the same name, say it.

If you still need to ask for the same healing, ask.

If you still need to whisper the same two words you whispered last night, whisper them.

God already knows you have been here before.

You do not have to apologize for coming back.

Chapter 3: When You Stop Needing the Prayer to Sound Strong

At 11:38 that night, the man was back in bed. His wife was asleep beside him, and the house was quiet again. He thought about his brother, but this time he did not immediately search for words.

He had spent months believing that faith should sound confident.

Certain.

Steady.

But some nights faith sounds like this:

“Jesus, I still care.”

That was the sentence he prayed.

Then he added, “And I am tired.”

Nothing about those words felt impressive.

They felt true.

There is a point in unanswered prayer when honesty becomes more important than performance. You stop trying to sound like the person who has everything spiritually under control. You stop editing disappointment out of the prayer. You stop pretending that waiting has become easy just because you have been doing it for a long time.

Maybe that is not weaker prayer.

Maybe it is closer prayer.

The man realized something as he lay there.

He did not need to convince Jesus that he trusted Him perfectly.

He needed to stay near Him honestly.

That meant he could still ask for his brother.

He could still admit that he did not understand the silence.

He could still be frustrated.

He could still hope.

Those things did not cancel one another.

A prayer can contain faith and fear in the same breath.

It can contain surrender and longing.

It can say, “Your will be done,” while still whispering, “Please let the answer be yes.”

You do not have to clean that tension up before bringing it to God.

The man closed his eyes.

For once, he did not replay every possible outcome.

He did not try to guess whether tomorrow would bring a phone call.

He simply let the prayer remain unfinished.

“Jesus, please help him.”

Then silence.

Not the silence of abandonment.

Just the silence of a night that had not become tomorrow yet.

Maybe that is enough for some prayers.

Not an explanation.

Not a breakthrough.

Not a sentence you would ever put on a church wall.

Just returning.

Again.

Still caring.

Still asking.

Still trusting enough to tell Jesus when trust feels tired.

If you have reached the point where all you can say is one name, one request, or one word, do not assume you have nothing left.

Sometimes “Jesus” is the whole prayer.

Sometimes “please” is enough.

And sometimes the faithfulness is not in finding something new to say.

It is in saying the old prayer one more time because you still believe He is listening.

Your friend, Douglas Vandergraph

Explore the complete Douglas Vandergraph Master Index: https://douglasvandergraph.com/douglas-vandergraph-master-index/

Watch Douglas Vandergraph’s faith-based videos on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@douglasvandergraph

Agosto. 10ºC. 3:14 AM. 3º52’ – 74º32’. Humedad: 93%

Típicas lloviznas orográficas. Suena una rana de cristal entre el garabateo del sotobosque. Tres martejas, siempre silenciosas, se asoman desde lo alto. Indicios de luz, puede verse la neblina tropical, quieta, pesada, que juega a esconder las palmeras. Miles de goteos desde los líquenes. Agua.

-Los impedimentos de Juan

Juan decidió a las 11:42 AM ir a regar el árbol de caucho. El mismo caucho endemoniado de Rivera. La matera donde se sembró debe pesar 50 kgs, el árbol ha crecido y amenaza con romper el techo, el suelo, poseer toda la casa. Juan lo poda ocasionalmente, pero sigue creciendo. Él dice “ninguno de los dos tiene permitido crecer aquí”

-La descomposición de T.

T. siempre que menciona a M. se descompone. Todos sabemos que T. es un alma en pena porque murió junto a M., allá cayó, incluso se tumbó los dientes, dio un brinco ridículo con su cuerpo flaco y cubierto de vello. Luego todos lanzamos gladiolos al hueco de tierra, ahora T. huele flores y se aparece a la hora del desayuno o el primer café del día. Se aparece T. e inicia su descomposición floral en el comedor, las puertas, las sillas, cuando saluda a los vecinos o se sienta en las escaleras y abre sus ojos verdes.

-Canturreos al mediodía

Un hombre canta mientras muele maíz:

“Y recorro el camino reconozco al mendigo siento que vive en mí como el sol sobre el trigo … y yo camino y no termino …y yo camino y no termino … Seré yo así … o es que el camino no tiene fin”

-Le regaló una mermelada

Después de esquivar la muerte varias veces, al final no tuvo más opción que huir de aquel lugar. Una mañana mataron a su perro de dos disparos y se lo entregaron junto a una corona funeraria que llevaba su nombre “TS. G. J.”, podía leerse la fecha del siguiente día. Enterró al perro con la cabeza en dirección al oriente para que vea por la eternidad el amanecer, deshizo en un ataque de rabia la corona funeraria y esparció las flores, hizo una maleta, dejó un par de zapatos viejos y preparó una sopa insípida. Planeaba llegar a la casa de su hermana con historias violentas y una mermelada de Corozo que compró por el camino.

-Paseos de perros

Un hombre recorre el vecindario junto a ocho perros, ninguno es de él. El paseador de perros los lleva por los cinco parques diferentes, hay un parque con dos canchas de basketball, ahí corren todos, uno detrás del otro. En otro parque todo es hierba y florecillas amarillas y blancas, ahí se acuestan con la panza hacia arriba. El paseador está panza arriba mientras escucha en su teléfono el discurso del nuevo presidente.

-El panadero no come pan

El panadero no volvió a encender la T.V, siempre estuvo encendida, a cualquier hora. Todos los presentimientos apuntan a que siente rabia. Entonces, cuando se llega a la panadería únicamente se escucha el horno gigante, hay un leve brillo naranja al fondo de la habitación y él está cubierto de harina con su traje blanco. El panadero no come pan, se le ha visto comiendo arroz con lentejas a las 3 de la tarde, un día comió pollo con arroz, y hace pocos días comió papas fritas con ensalada de colores. El panadero trae su comida desde casa, llega a las 4 de la madrugada con una de sus hijas, ella sostiene las loncheras de ambos mientras él quita varios candados de diferentes tamaños e intenta adivinar las llaves correspondientes.

-Atención: está nevando

Decidí enviar este mensaje por este medio, aunque no sé las razones. Hoy olí una mancha de granadilla en un suéter sucio, cuando giré mi cabeza observé por la ventana que estaba nevando. Esas pequeñas montañas son blancas desde hace tres días. Está nevando, mi dulce amor.

-Amores magdalenenses

F. cruza a nado el río magdalena. Está enamorado del color café de las maderas que arrastra la corriente. Está enamorado del sonido del río en la noche calurosa, pero también ama el sonido monstruoso y apocalíptico en los meses lluviosos. F. puede pescar con las manos, sin embargo él prefiere dormir entre iguanas a la orilla o soñar que es un pez, alguna bestia de agua dulce.

-Se decreta el silencio

J. lleva todo el día escuchando jazz de ascensor. Ese jazz que crearon para reproducir en bucle a través de una bocina barata y diminuta en los restaurantes pretenciosos, los comercios elegantes, y por supuesto, los ascensores. La radio ahora solo emite jazz de ascensor, y por lo tanto, J. se siente en un ascensor a la merced de quien entre y salga porque no ha encontrado el botón de su piso. J. pregunta qué pasó con su programa acerca de la siembra de café, o aquel otro donde los costeños llamaban y pedían los vallenatos más tristes nunca antes escuchados. Nadie responde. J. decide decretar el silencio.

-Voraces incendios

Todo arde. Voraces incendios consumen el mundo. Los pájaros caen, llueven, cubiertos de remolinos de fuego. Los pequeños bichos buscan hundirse en la tierra que hierve. Las cosechas de los próximos meses ya no existen. ¿Qué harán las criaturas perseguidas por el fuego?

-Informe preliminar

No reconozco a mis hermanas y hermanos ¿seré yo la desconocida, la de otro cuerpo, otros ojos?

Comí pan viejo. El vecino usa hoy un pantalón rojo.