Want to join in? Respond to our weekly writing prompts, open to everyone.
Want to join in? Respond to our weekly writing prompts, open to everyone.
from ahmadblogger
Calculate how much RAM speed affects your gaming FPS. Compare DDR4 vs DDR5, different speeds, and see real performance differences for your CPU.
RAM Speed Impact I upgraded my RAM once purely because a YouTuber told me DDR5-6000 would “change my gaming experience.” Spent almost 15,000 rupees on a new kit, swapped it in, ran the same games I always play, and got… basically nothing. Maybe 2-3 extra frames in a game that was already GPU-bound.
That’s when I actually sat down and researched this properly instead of trusting hype videos. Turns out RAM speed matters a lot in some setups and barely at all in others, and nobody tells you which category you fall into before you spend the money.
So I built this calculator to answer exactly that question for your specific setup, instead of giving you a generic “yes RAM speed matters” answer that applies to nobody in particular.
Your Setup Pick your CPU platform, your current RAM speed, the speed you’re considering upgrading to, your GPU tier, and the type of games you mostly play. The calculator below crunches those inputs against real benchmark data and gives you a realistic FPS difference — not a marketing number.
(Calculator widget loads here — CPU platform, current RAM, target RAM, GPU tier, and game type selectors, followed by a Calculate Impact button.)
Impact by Scenario Once you hit calculate, you’ll see how the RAM upgrade plays out across different scenarios — esports titles, AAA games at high settings, and AAA games at 4K Ultra. The gap between these three can be huge, which is exactly why a single “average FPS gain” number is kind of misleading on its own.
Verdict This is the plain-English answer: worth it, not worth it, or somewhere in between, based on your specific hardware combo.
Recommendations And this is where I tell you what I’d actually do in your position — upgrade now, wait, or spend that money elsewhere instead.
Configure your setup to see RAM speed impact Fill in your setup above and hit calculate. RAM speed matters more for some configurations than others, and there’s genuinely no point guessing when you can just check.
AMD Ryzen builds (their Infinity Fabric is tied directly to RAM speed) CPU-bound games like CS2, Valorant, or Overwatch 2 High refresh rate monitors (144Hz and above) Lower-to-mid tier GPUs paired with a strong CPU (CPU becomes the bottleneck) Medium Impact Intel builds (noticeably less sensitive to RAM speed than AMD) A balanced GPU and CPU pairing with no obvious bottleneck 1080p or 1440p gaming Open-world games where the GPU and CPU share the load Low Impact 4K Ultra settings where the GPU is doing all the heavy lifting Gaming capped at 60Hz Console ports capped around 30-60 FPS You’re already running fast RAM and considering an even faster kit What is the RAM Speed Impact Tool? Put simply, this is a free calculator that tells you whether upgrading your RAM speed is actually going to do anything for your FPS, or whether you’d be better off saving that money for a GPU instead.
I built it because I kept seeing people (myself included, clearly) get talked into RAM upgrades based on benchmark charts that don’t reflect their actual setup. A benchmark showing a 15% FPS boost from faster RAM usually comes from a CPU-bound esports test on a Ryzen chip. If you’re running an Intel CPU and playing 4K open-world games, that 15% number means absolutely nothing to you.
You punch in your CPU platform, your current RAM speed, the RAM speed you’re eyeing, your GPU tier, and what kind of games you actually play. The tool weighs all of that and gives you a realistic estimate instead of a headline number ripped from someone else’s test bench.
How RAM Speed Affects Gaming Performance RAM speed gets measured in MT/s (megatransfers per second) — so you’ll see numbers like DDR4-3200 or DDR5-6000 on the box. Bigger number means more data moving between your CPU and memory every second, at least in theory.
Here’s the part that tripped me up for a long time though: speed alone doesn’t tell the whole story. There’s also CAS latency (that “CL” number next to the speed rating), which is how many clock cycles your RAM needs before it actually delivers the data you asked for. A DDR5-6000 kit with CL30 can genuinely outperform a DDR5-7200 kit with CL36, because the higher latency on the faster kit eats into the speed advantage.
If you want the real comparison, there’s a simple formula: (CL ÷ Speed) × 2000 gives you the actual latency in nanoseconds. Lower is better, and it’s the number that actually matters, not the big MT/s figure printed on the box.
Now, if you’re still running an AM4 or older Intel LGA1700 system in 2026, don’t feel pressured to rush into DDR5. DDR4-3200 or DDR4-3600 kits are still genuinely solid, and honestly offer the best value if a full motherboard swap isn’t on your radar. DDR5 is the newer standard on AM5 and LGA1851 platforms and it does scale better with the latest chips, but whether you’ll notice the difference in actual gameplay comes down to one thing: is your CPU or your GPU doing the heavy lifting in the games you play?
When the CPU is the bottleneck”) — think esports titles running at silly-high frame rates — faster RAM can genuinely add 5-15% more FPS. When the GPU is maxed out, like 4K Ultra settings in a demanding AAA title, that same RAM upgrade basically disappears into the noise. And AMD’s Ryzen chips specifically care more about RAM speed than Intel does, because their Infinity Fabric interconnect scales directly with memory speed.
Dual-Channel vs Single-Channel RAM This one’s bigger than most people realize, and it was actually the mistake I made before my “RAM speed” mistake. I ran a single 16GB stick for almost a year without knowing it, thinking one bigger stick was just as good as two smaller ones.
It’s not. Dual-channel effectively doubles your memory bandwidth, and every modern CPU is built expecting that setup. Running single-channel leaves real performance on the table — benchmarks consistently show 10-30% more FPS with dual-channel enabled, especially in CPU-heavy games. Your minimum FPS and frame pacing improve too, so the game just feels smoother overall, not only faster on paper.
To get dual-channel working, you need two matching sticks, usually installed in the second and fourth slots closest to the CPU (check your motherboard manual for the exact slot layout). To check what you’re currently running, open Task Manager on Windows, go to Performance, click Memory, and look at the details — it’ll tell you straight up if you’re on single or dual-channel.
If you spot single-channel, adding a matching second stick is one of the easiest and cheapest upgrades you can make. Just try to match the brand, speed, and capacity of your existing stick, since mixing mismatched RAM can cause instability or force everything down to the slower stick’s speed.
How Much RAM Do You Need for Gaming? 8GB — I wouldn’t recommend this anymore, even for budget builds. Most current games alone will eat past 8GB, and the moment you add Discord, a browser, or a stream overlay, you’re looking at stuttering and slow texture loading.
16GB — This is the realistic baseline in 2026. Two 8GB sticks in dual-channel handle almost every current game comfortably and still leave room for background apps.
32GB — If you want some breathing room for the next few years, or you mod your games, stream, or run a lot of background software, 32GB is worth the extra cost. For a new build today, this is honestly where I’d point most people.
64GB — Only worth it if you’re editing video, doing 3D rendering, or running heavy multitasking alongside gaming. For pure gaming, that money is much better spent on your GPU or CPU.
RAM Speed Sweet Spots in 2026 DDR4: DDR4-3200 CL16 or DDR4-3600 CL16 are the sweet spots for both AMD and Intel platforms. If you’re on Ryzen 5000, DDR4-3600 CL16 is particularly good because it lets the Infinity Fabric run in sync (1:1) with the memory controller. Going faster than this usually means loosening the timings to hit those speeds, which can actually hurt more than it helps.
DDR5: For AMD AM5 builds, DDR5-6000 CL30 is the target — it’s the known stable sweet spot that plays nicely with Infinity Fabric. Intel platforms are a bit more flexible and handle DDR5-6000 to DDR5-6400 CL32 well. Kits advertising DDR5-7200 or higher look impressive on the box, but in actual gaming benchmarks they rarely translate to a meaningful FPS gain over a well-tuned 6000MHz kit. Save the extra money.
Does XMP/EXPO Matter? Yes, and this is honestly the step I see skipped the most by people building their first PC. When you install new RAM, it doesn’t automatically run at the speed printed on the box. Your motherboard defaults to a base JEDEC speed — DDR5 usually boots at 4800 MT/s and DDR4 at 2133 or 2400 MHz, regardless of what you actually paid for.
To unlock the real rated speed, you need to go into your BIOS and enable XMP (Intel’s naming) or EXPO (AMD’s equivalent). It sounds technical, but it’s genuinely a two-minute job:
Restart your PC and tap Delete or F2 repeatedly as it boots to enter BIOS Find the memory or overclocking section (naming varies by motherboard brand) Enable the XMP or EXPO profile listed Save changes and exit — your PC will restart running RAM at its full rated speed There’s basically no real risk here since these profiles are pre-tested and validated by the RAM manufacturer. But it’s an easy step to forget, and I’ve personally seen brand new PCs running expensive DDR5-6000 kits stuck at 4800 MT/s simply because nobody flipped this one setting. That’s up to 15% of your RAM’s performance sitting unused for no reason.
Frequently Asked Questions Does RAM speed really affect gaming FPS? Yes, but how much depends entirely on your setup. AMD Ryzen builds can see a genuine 10-15% FPS jump in CPU-heavy games just from faster RAM. Intel CPUs see a smaller bump, usually around 3-5%. And if your GPU is already the bottleneck, like at 4K Ultra settings, RAM speed barely moves the needle at all.
Is DDR5 worth it over DDR4? If you’re building a new PC from scratch in 2026, go DDR5 — the current AM5 and LGA1851 platforms only support it anyway. But if you’ve already got a decent DDR4 system running fine, upgrading purely to chase DDR5 isn’t worth the cost right now. The real gaming difference between a good DDR4 kit and a decent DDR5 kit is smaller than most marketing suggests.
Should I get 16GB or 32GB of RAM? 16GB comfortably covers the vast majority of games right now. 32GB gives you more headroom for multitasking, heavier future titles, or a mod-heavy setup. If you stream, edit video, or keep a lot of apps running while you game, 32GB is the safer call.
What is XMP, and do I need to enable it? XMP (Intel’s Extreme Memory Profile) and EXPO (AMD’s version) let your RAM actually run at its advertised speed instead of the slow default your motherboard ships with. You should always enable this in BIOS after installing new RAM — otherwise a DDR5-6000 kit could quietly be running at 4800 MT/s and you’d never know.
Can I mix different RAM speeds? Technically yes, but everything will run at the speed of your slowest stick, and you might run into stability issues or find XMP/EXPO refuses to apply cleanly. It’s always better to use a matched kit bought together.
Does RAM speed matter more for AMD or Intel? AMD, generally. Ryzen chips are more sensitive to RAM speed because their Infinity Fabric interconnect scales directly with it — get the memory speed right and internal communication genuinely gets snappier. Intel chips are less sensitive but can still pick up a small gain in CPU-heavy scenarios.
Sources & Methodology The estimates in this calculator are built from a mix of real-world testing on my own hardware and cross-referenced against publicly available benchmark data from trusted sources, including:
Tom’s Hardware TechPowerUp Steam Hardware Survey 3DMark Last updated: 2026.
More Free PC Tools FPS Calculator — Will Your PC Run This Game? GPU Bottleneck Calculator Monitor Refresh Rate Calculator RAM Capacity Calculator — How Much Do You Actually Need?


from ahmadblogger
12 Camera Trends Changing How We Shoot Right Now
I dropped my favorite mirrorless camera into a muddy puddle last month. It broke right before a paid weekend gig. Panicking, I had to borrow a newer model from a friend just to survive the shoot. 12 Camera Trends Changing How We Shoot Right Now,That frantic weekend changed how I view gear completely.
Handling that fresh hardware made me realize how fast camera tech is shifting. Features we only dreamed about a couple of years ago are sitting in our hands today. 12 Camera Trends Changing How We Shoot Right Now,If you are trying to figure out what is happening in the camera world this year, you came to the right place.
Let us look at twelve major shifts happening in photography and video gear. These are not boring specs on a paper sheet. These are actual changes affecting how we shoot every single day.
When I tested the latest tracking modes last week, I tried to trick the camera by walking behind a tree. The system locked right back onto my face the second I reappeared. It feels like magic, but it is just smart machine learning running inside small processors.
This is a huge win for event shooters and sports photographers. You can send JPEGs straight to your client while still standing on the sidelines. If you hate editing late at night, this feature will save your sanity. 12 Camera Trends Changing How We Shoot Right Now,
12 Camera Trends Changing How We Shoot Right Now, Journalists and documentary makers love this trend. It proves your photo was captured by a real sensor and was not generated by a computer. Expect to see this built into even more consumer cameras soon.
While this tech used to cost a small fortune, 12 Camera Trends Changing How We Shoot Right Now, it is finally showing up in mid-range bodies. You can now wave your hand fast in front of the lens on a budget camera and see zero distortion. It is a massive upgrade for action sports creators.
You can crop your final video into a horizontal YouTube clip or a vertical phone screen from the exact same file. 12 Camera Trends Changing How We Shoot Right Now, I used this trick on a recent client shoot, and it cut my editing time in half because I stopped worrying about framing the wrong aspect ratio.
Camera makers finally added tiny, quiet cooling fans inside normal-sized bodies. You can record all day in warm weather without your camera throwing a thermal warning. It makes hybrid shooting actually reliable.
Even if you do not own a headset right now, recording family moments in spatial format means you will have those immersive memories ready for the future. It is a fun trend that turns flat video into something you can step back inside.
Instead of taking one exposure, the camera takes a quick burst and blends them instantly inside the body. You get a raw file with crazy dynamic range without needing to stack bracketed shots on your computer later.
This flexibility saves money. You do not need three different cameras for three different jobs. You just change the cage and the lens mount.
If my battery drops during a long hike, I plug my pocket power bank right into the side of the camera while it sits on the tripod. It keeps shooting without missing a beat.
When you twist a modern lens onto a new body, the camera applies custom color and sharpness profiles automatically. It makes third-party glass perform almost as well as first-party options.
If you break a screen hinge now, you might actually be able to order the part and fix it at home instead of throwing the whole camera away. That is a trend I can fully support.
How to Choose Your Next Gear Upgrade Do not run out and buy a brand-new camera just because it has cool marketing buzzwords attached to it. Look at your actual workflow. If your current camera overheats, look for a model with a built-in fan. If you hate color grading, look for better native color profiles.
Sometimes, spending money on a new lens or a simple lighting kit teaches you more than buying a fresh camera body. Take your time, rent gear before you buy, and see what actually solves your creative bottlenecks.
Just like my muddy puddle mishap taught me, the best camera is always the one you know how to use when things go wrong. Keep shooting, experiment with new styles, and do not let gear FOMO stop you from making cool stuff.
Cameras and Mind-Reading Technology: FAQ Part 1: Cameras
“Number one” also depends on the category:
Mirrorless: Sony led Japan’s mirrorless sales in 2025 with 29.9%, with Canon close behind at 27.4%. Action cameras: DJI took the top spot in Japan, while GoPro’s share fell from 34.3% to 18.9%. 2. Which is the newest 360 camera? As of October 2026, the newest releases are the Insta360 X6 and the DJI Osmo 360 II. The X6 arrived on August 12, 2026 with dual 1/1.1-inch Sony sensors, 8K at 50fps, and in-camera Dolby Vision, priced at $699.99. DJI answered a day later with the Osmo 360 II, which was not offered on the US storefront. In Europe, the Osmo 360 II had no price or date at the time of that article. The older Insta360 X5 and the original DJI Osmo 360 are still sold, often at lower prices.
Larger sensors in small cameras. Compact 360 and action cameras now use 1-inch-class sensors for better low-light video. High-resolution 360 video. 8K 360 recording is becoming standard on premium models. AI features. These include subject tracking, automatic editing, noise reduction, and object removal. Dual-camera pocket vlogging cameras with a second screen, such as DJI’s Osmo Pocket line. 360 drones and 3D capture. One example is a 360 drone flight turned into an explorable 3D Gaussian Splatting model. Mirrorless dominance. DSLRs are fading, and new bodies focus on fast autofocus, global shutters, and strong video. 4. What is the latest type of camera? The newest categories are 360-degree cameras, dual-lens pocket gimbal cameras, 360 drones, and AI-assisted mirrorless cameras. Mirrorless is now the mainstream choice for photographers, while 360 and pocket cameras are growing among vloggers and creators.
Part 2: Mind-Reading Technology 5. Does wireless mind-reading technology exist? No. No device can read your thoughts from a distance or without your cooperation. Real brain-decoding research has real limits:
Brain scanners (fMRI) can reconstruct the rough meaning of thoughts, but only in a lab, after hours of training on one person, and only while that person cooperates. Implanted brain-computer interfaces can turn attempted speech or movement into text or cursor control, mainly to help paralyzed patients. They require surgery. Consumer EEG headsets only measure broad brain activity such as focus or relaxation. They cannot read specific thoughts. 6. What is an AI brain decoder? It is a research system that matches brain activity, usually from fMRI or implanted electrodes, to words, images, or movements. It is trained on one individual’s brain, and it doesn’t work on a different person or without a scanner. It is not a portable device or an app.
Is there an AI mind-reading app or device, online or free? Apps and websites that claim to read your mind are entertainment. They are number-guessing tricks, personality quizzes, or chatbots predicting your answers from what you type. No phone app or website can detect your thoughts. Be cautious about any “mind-reading device” sold online, because these are usually scams or ordinary EEG gadgets with exaggerated marketing.
What is the best wireless mind-reading technology? For research and medical use, the leading technologies are implanted brain-computer interfaces from groups such as Neuralink, Synchron, and university labs. They are not wireless mind-reading in the sci-fi sense. They are medical devices that decode intended movement or speech from a surgically implanted sensor. For non-medical use, EEG headbands are the only widely available option, and they measure general brain states, not thoughts.
How do I block mind-reading technology? Because no technology can read thoughts remotely, there is nothing that needs blocking. What you can protect is neural and personal data if you use a brain-sensing product:
Check what data a headset or app collects and where it is stored. Read the privacy policy, and only buy from reputable makers. Know that some places, including Chile, Colorado, and California, have started adding legal protections for neural data. If you ever feel that someone is reading or controlling your thoughts, that is a real and distressing experience, and it can be treated. A doctor or mental health professional is the right person to talk to. They can help you sort out what is happening, and it is nothing to be embarrassed about.
from
Things Left Unsaid
Day two of vacation. It is nice to be away from the pressure of the forty hour work week for awhile. I find that it takes a few days to really settle down. Went for a long walk yesterday to get cat food, and went out for lunch. Kind of an odd thing to do in the middle of the week. Went the long way. Felt no urgency.
Running prep 2026 officially concluded yesterday morning with one last stairmaster session. Now two full days of rest. Tomorrow we pack up a rental van, and travel north. Then Saturday I line up at the start line. The Run. The crowd. The results. After that, a week at a cottage on a tiny lake. Then home for Thanksgiving before back to work.
I have a tiny label printer. I print out QR codes of the address to this blog. Over the summer I stuck some of them on the leaves of trees. Some vanished within a day. Others, if they were in the sun, faded away and became a small white square stuck to a leaf. Some lasted for weeks. One of them, oddly the very first one, has lasted months. I wonder if anyone has ever scanned any of them and ended up reading this garbage that I post. It is now autumn. They will all be gone soon. Blowing away on the leaf when it dries up and falls. Maybe become part of a squirrel nest. Floating down the gutter. Or mulched.

from
💚
Our Father Who art in Heaven Hallowed be Thy name Thy Kingdom come Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven Give us this day our daily Bread And forgive us our trespasses As we forgive those who trespass against us And lead us not into temptation But deliver us from evil
Amen
Jesus is Lord! Come Lord Jesus!
Come Lord Jesus! Christ is Lord!
from
💚
🧡
This space recognizes and affirms National Day for Truth and Reconciliation in its solemnity and importance, within Canada and to First Nations.
from 3c0
I read this one so slowly. I didn’t devour it in one sitting like I did All Fours. I would put it down after every few chapters. As I told my boyfriend, I feel lucky to have the discipline that I do, whenever I need to muster it. I first bought this novel when Boyfriend and I were talking again, but once we drifted apart, I knew and felt in my heart of hearts that it was not the time to pick it up. He brought it up again recently and I told him all of this, and now am really glad I read it. It certainly matches the knowledge trail I’m on. Consciousness. Shadow work. Intentional choices. The power of the mind. Our oneness in the world. Reality vs. Dreams. Maybe they’re one but only accessible in certain consciousness states?
I confess that I never considered myself a Murakami die-hard. He is not someone on my radar. I never know when he has a book coming up and have let my friends recommend me his books over the years. My friend, S, from college is the first person to ever recommend me his books. I think it was Dance, Dance, Dance or A Wild Sheep Chase. But, neither of those stories stuck. By the time an ex recommended Norwegian Wood—I didn’t think I would like any of his works. However, I read these titles at a time when I was very hateful and critical of a lot of things. Finally, it was 1Q84 and The Wind-up Bird Chronicles that finally brought me out of my Murakami rut.
I’m glad I waited before getting into this particular one. It feels as though it came from his soul. Learning that this story was re-written from an earlier time when the idea first came to him, added to the feeling of wonder throughout. The Murakami Bingo Card definitely entered my mind as the story went on.
Towards the end, I got excited to finish and then I did the thing that I said I wasn’t doing at the start of this post, and I binge-read the last few chapters. Joke’s on me though, I’ve now read the Part III, a couple more times and it was only in this last listening that I feel as though I ‘understood’ it. ** SPOILER:** I believe he finally returns to face and live ‘reality’/the ‘real’ world he left behind.
#books #writing
from
Midus

În ultima vreme nici prea multe filme nu am mai văzut, nici prea multe pagini nu am prea citit. Poate că vremea e de vină. Sau o fi programul?! Poate-s amândouă, cu câte un pic de (lene, am vrut sa scriu lene) visare (da, mai bine sună visare).
Totuși, noaptea trecută am reușit să mai citesc câteva pagini din Tuareg, iar astă seară să termin de vizionat filmul În secret. Despre Tuareg voi scrie probabil pe larg într-o altă postare, așa că deocamdată voi scrie câteva rânduri despre film.
Când vreau să văd câte un film, accesez mai întâi wew.hbogo.ro, iar acolo verific, înainte de toate, categoria Dramă. Acum vreo săptămână am remarcat-o pe Elizabeth Olsen în imaginea ce prezenta filmul În secret. Știam că o mai văzusem într-un film, dar abia după ce am verificat pe IMDB mi-am adus aminte că era vorba despre Arte liberale (Liberal Arts). Elizabeth Olsen joacă alături de Oscar Isaac, iar pe el îl remarcasem în Ex Machina (deoarece Ex Machina este de origine latină, Deus Ex Machina, e recomandat să citim [ex makina], nu [ex mașina]) și în Inside Llewyn Davis (de fapt in ordine inversa)…
Revin la film. După două tentative de a-l urmări, abia în această seară am reușit să îl duc până la capăt. Poate a fost vremea, poate a fost visarea… De obicei mă îndepărtez de la recenzii și povestesc câte ceva nesemnificativ. În cazul acestui film voi spune că m-a surprins finalul. Uneori ai putea spune că unii oameni alunecă pe o pantă fără întoarcere, dar alteori, aceștia nu numai că devin conștienți de ceea ce au făcut, dar recurg la niște soluții extreme prin care îndreaptă moral situația provocată. Finalul filmului În secret este unul intuit probabil de o anumită categorie de cititori, sau de cititorii unui anumit gen literar, numai că filmul nu este o ecranizare de prin anii ’70 a vreunui roman clasic, ci o realizare a secolului al XXI-lea după romanul Thérèse Raquin. Dacă l-ați citit deja, știți finalul. Dacă nu, și sunteți curioși înainte de lecturare, poate vreți să îl aflați din film.
from An Open Letter
I just saw leap for the second time! It is pretty late and responsible thing for me to do Is go to bed now so I will. But I feel like I am stabilized again and that everything is going to be ok. I’m very grateful for that.
from
Midus

Publicat la 7 decembrie 2016
Din când în când, există câte ceva care mă duce cu gândul la altceva. Uneori este vorba despre ceva important. De obicei muzica e cea care provoacă sinapsele. Una dintre ultimele legături remarcabile este cea dintre două cărți, două romane: Tuareg, de Alberto Vazquez-Figueroa, și Ceai în Sahara, de Paul Bowles.
În timp ce citeam Ceai în Sahara, mi-am propus să o recitesc imediat după ce o voi fi terminat. Ei bine, am fost atât de impresionat de poveste, încât nu am putut refuza cererea unei prietene de a-i imprumuta această carte atunci când i-am povestit câte un fragment. Drept „recompensă” am primit spre lecturare romanul Tuareg, scris de Figueroa. O poveste diferită plasată în același areal al nesfârșitelor dune de nisip, al zonelor stâncoase și al ergurilor Deșertului Sahara.
from
G A N Z E E R . T O D A Y
WORKSTREAM: Got to see proofs for issue 2 of ELON magazine, which features my collab with Dominic Boyer, and it's fantastic! The Gigacities Collective have done a really great job at creating the new culture-jamming publication for our times. I'll remember to post again once it's out and there's more information on how to get it.
The complete THE SOLAR GRID box-set can now be nabbed through Asterism.
October is already here, which I'm gonna need to dedicate almost entirely to wrapping up TIMES NEW HUMAN if I can. Quite a bit of work travel slated for November, which knowing me will disrupt any semblance of flow.
Got the strangest email the other day inviting me to be interviewed about THE SOLAR GRID for a podcast... in exchange for a fee. Didn't even realize that was a thing now.
RADAR: Great Kim Stanley Robinson interview over at the Crisis and Critique Youtube channel.
Watched SOYLENT GREEN the other night for the first time! What a great goddamn movie! Can't believe it passed me by. It must be Ganzeer-discovers-the-70s season over here.
STATUS:

#work #journal #radar
from Tawsert's notes
How dumb was I? Gave away my worth to someone who didn't even take advantage of it.
Only to leave me soulless and empty of gold.
He might walk without a soul — at least he carries diamonds and treasures.
I'm just waiting for this heart to collapse, because that's the only way I could ever forget.
I wish I could be dumb again, but now it requires a courage that even superheroes don't have.
Boldness is so overrated. Courageous people just sink in the ocean. Deep. Too deep.
My lungs were not built to survive underwater.
I've already crushed every record...
How much time is left before I become too heavy for even the barest hope?
I thought fairness existed.
I thought an invisible force was sewing my destiny.
Happy are those who believe in an upper spider!
But silk doesn't resist water pressure anyway.
There's no tragedy.
Only insignificance —
In the sadness of immensity.
I used to dream.
I used to hope.
I used to shout in the name of passion
And move mountains in the name of love.
I used to call for miracles.
I used to fly despite obstacles.
I used to refuse to crumble,
Even though I felt miserable.
I used to proudly carry heavy rocks,
And never lay any of them down.
I used to walk on earth
And reach for the skies.
Now — in a world full of water,
The shore and its sand are the mirage.
What do I deserve?
The roughness of the fall already answer that.
We all carry deep desires,
Entangled wishes,
But my story was a story of almosts.
I somehow was on the verge of falling into the abyss
But I resisted.
My fuel ran dry
And when least expected,
A hurricane rolled in.
He had the beauty of the perfect savior,
The scent of a destined soldier,
And the touch of a guardian angel,
But it was only a joke —
Wrapped up in an inevitable nightmare.
Only fools believe a hurricane will take them on a ride above the ocean
Cradled by immaculate wings...
Alas, I was naive!
Reminiscent of that child inside me
Who never asked for any gifts,
And thought, maybe for once,
She could get just one of her dreams...
Oh dear — dreams don't exist!
And there are no miraculous wings!
Look how your adult heart choked,
Throughout the violence of the impact
And the drowning that followed.
Why should I believe in anything
Now that I stand without a soul?
The clock of the upper spider is
At best, triggering my own annihilation.
Me, the fool who can't swim
Inside the depths of the abyss —
I'm dreadfully drowning,
And no one would ever dare to save me.
I wish someone had taken my hand
I would have never asked for it
But I wish someone had appeared
As a real savior, with a heart that brought
Ingenuousness — and gentleness
I wouldn't have even asked for the strongest one
They could have been broken, desperate and miserable
I only wished for a hand, and a heart
Who wouldn't have needed me to confess
My struggles, my complete loneliness
I wish someone had grabbed my hand
Firmly, while I was still losing grip on the edge
Pulling me closer, right before the end
Or right before the hurricane
I wish someone had truly cared
Enough to give as I always gave
I wish someone had, for me, such love
That they would have broken the road
With just one step
Romance would have assembled for me
An authentic mosaic toward peace and oxygen
I wouldn't even have asked for a steady or eternal place
Only a shelter, a simple cabin
But life isn't a fairytale
And people don't like magic.
I spent too much of my naive life
Searching for truthfulness
— And authenticity
Never giving up
Thinking that the waiting
Would be proportional to the win
Well, the waiting can only get worse
And what doesn't kill you
Makes you cruelly jaded
Will you ever find love?
How do you even find love?
When do we find love?
Are you doing all you can to find love?
Is bullshit
The horrific question is:
Will true love slash its own face
When you meet it?
Monstrosity has different meanings
But spitting on love is the worst of them
Fearing the spider's web of cold numbers
Is a harmful cherry lure — when you'll be cut open
by your lover's blade of trauma, and his promised plea
I wish I only cared about rings and things
I wish I dug like a nihilist
Foolishness made me climb up the hills
Then whoever came in
Was missioned — to drain my worth
As if this was not enough
My own soul — died through it
Yet, I still have a breath
In the aquarium of death
Had the wounded knight
Who might have borne me,
Hastened forth to my side —
Would he kiss my soul laid
In the sanguine coffin of woe?
The water cherishes my fading mind
Hopes enraged are intertwined
Beneath the blame smothering unborn love
I fear this marred heart of mine
Would harbor sudden wrath
Along with the depths' aftermath
To choose is to let something go
Not to choose is to lose it all
And I don't have anything to lose
— Anymore
The dark waves are suddenly flickering
Insidiously encroaching and tight
Is my mind finally fading?
Along with my breath soaking down?
My vision seems helpless but lucid
A horrendous stake is approaching
Fishes around me are impaled
Sharks and whales are bleeding
Octopuses are divided into one
I'm unconsciously drowning in ache
Observing the agony of the depths
A shadow is reflected by the sea
The arachnid has reached the abyss
Preparin
g to hole my heart
The water is fiercely changing
From deep blue to pitch black
I'm sensing a corporeal sound alongside
Abruptly breaking the flesh of the below
Devoured and plucked to a blind mouth
I'm afraid of the waves
I'm afraid of the dark
I'm afraid — though my heart
Lost its time
Praying for the knight
from
The happy place
On the train again, I really enjoy it, a blue train travelling in the misty autumn coloured lands like in a dream almost, but this is reality!
And I even took the red pill!
And I’m o on my way to see the friend of the office, to put in a good unit of work, maybe have a fancy lunch with pie? And coffee!
And now I must read my book, because even though it’s not a muscle, but mostly fat, the brain needs exercise too!
I’m feeding my fire again!
from Blog of Sand
Television Antihero Deathmatch Tournament Group A- Dexter, Tony, Elliot and Nikki
MATCH 1- DEXTER MORGAN VS TONY SOPRANO Location: Shopping Mall
Tony Soprano understands the situation almost immediately in the simplest possible terms: somewhere in this building is a man trying to kill him, and somewhere in this building are guns. He does not waste much time exploring. Moving quickly through the main concourse, he checks the first directory he finds and locates the sporting-goods store on the lower level near the opposite wing. He tears the printed directory map from its frame even after memorizing the general route and stuffs it into his jacket. The pace has him breathing harder than he would like within a few minutes, but Tony has spent his life around armed criminals and sees no reason to wander through an unfamiliar building unarmed when firearms are available.
Dexter Morgan responds to the same problem very differently. He sees the sporting-goods store on a directory and immediately understands its importance, but also understands that Tony will almost certainly understand it too. Rather than race him there, Dexter begins looking for the infrastructure behind the mall itself. He slips through an employees-only door in a department store, follows service corridors toward administration, and eventually locates the security office. The locked door slows him down until he finds tools in a maintenance room and forces his way inside. The monitors are still operating. Dozens of cameras cover entrances, escalators, storefronts and the major concourses. Dexter settles into the chair and begins searching for the large man in the photograph.
Tony reaches the sporting-goods store first. The security grating is down, but the problem is straightforward enough to solve with force. He smashes through part of the glass frontage with a heavy display fixture and squeezes inside while an alarm begins screaming through the empty mall. “Fuck,” Tony mutters at the noise, but nobody is coming to investigate. He finds the firearms section, loads a semiautomatic pistol with practiced familiarity, takes spare ammunition, and then chooses a shotgun as well. On a security monitor several corridors away, Dexter watches the entire process. Tony's handling of the weapons immediately tells him something useful. This is not a civilian who happens to have acquired a gun. Whatever Tony does for a living, he has done this before.
Dexter uses the cameras to identify the obvious routes out of the sporting-goods store and leaves the security office before Tony emerges. His original plan is simple: allow Tony to move through the mall believing himself alone, fall in behind him, and attack when the shotgun becomes cumbersome. Dexter takes a large knife from a restaurant kitchen and a length of electrical cord, then positions himself near an escalator overlooking the most direct route toward the central atrium. Tony, however, notices one of the ceiling cameras shortly after leaving the store. Years of criminal paranoia supply the deduction that technical sophistication does not: if he can see cameras, the other man might be able to see him. Tony raises the shotgun and destroys the camera, then shoots another farther down the concourse. Instead of following the obvious corridor, he disappears into a department store. Dexter waits at the ambush point for ten minutes before realizing that his opponent has refused to cooperate.
The first hour becomes a contest of competing instincts. Tony hides among the clothing displays in the department store and chooses a furniture section with a wall behind him and long sightlines toward the nearest entrances. Dexter discovers his approximate position through the remaining camera network, reaches the building's service corridors, and cuts power to that section of the store. Emergency lights replace the normal illumination with a dim, colorless glow. Dexter uses access points behind the store to create noises in separate locations, hoping to force Tony to investigate. Tony hears the first crash, then another from a different direction, and realizes immediately that someone may be trying to move him. He refuses. Instead he fires the shotgun into the ceiling, creating a deafening blast that gives Dexter ambiguous information, then abruptly exits through an emergency door rather than either of the routes Dexter has been watching.
The improvisation nearly reverses the entire fight. Tony bursts into the service corridor less than thirty yards from Dexter, and both men see each other for the first time. Dexter reacts quickly enough to get behind a concrete corner as Tony fires, the shotgun tearing through drywall and shelving. Dexter runs. Tony pursues him through the narrow corridor while Dexter throws a rolling merchandise cage behind him to buy several seconds. Dexter reaches a cross-corridor and escapes back into the public mall, eventually cutting through a restaurant and into its kitchen. He takes position behind a pair of swinging doors, expecting Tony to charge through. Tony has learned something too, however. The stranger is fast, comfortable with concealment, and clearly wants him moving. He slows down before entering the restaurant and notices a convex security mirror near the doorway. In its distorted reflection he catches part of Dexter waiting in the kitchen.
Tony fires through the swinging doors. Dexter sees the movement in the mirror a fraction of a second beforehand and dives, but several pellets tear across his upper arm. Tony comes through immediately. Dexter throws a metal tray into his face and closes the distance before Tony can use the shotgun again. What follows is the part of the fight Dexter understands least well until it happens: Tony is extremely difficult to physically control. Dexter drives his knife toward Tony's ribs, but Tony catches his wrist, forces the blade away and head-butts him hard enough to make his vision flash. Tony lands a heavy punch and reaches for the pistol beneath his jacket. Dexter kicks at Tony's knee, manages to grab the gun arm and turns the barrel aside as Tony fires into a refrigerator. They crash through kitchen shelving together. For several seconds Tony has one hand around Dexter's throat and Dexter realizes that, despite being younger and quicker, he does not want another prolonged wrestling match with this man.
Dexter escapes only by attacking Tony's knee again and using the opening to scramble away. The pistol falls between them. Tony is closer, so Dexter throws a heavy kitchen pot at his head rather than contest it. Tony ducks instinctively, and Dexter runs through the rear service door while Tony snatches up the pistol and fires twice after him. Both shots miss. This time Tony does not follow. He stands in the wrecked kitchen with blood on his face, an aching knee and a much clearer understanding of his opponent. Dexter retreats with an equally important conclusion. Tony can be surprised and Tony can be hurt, but if Dexter's plan ends with physically restraining him while he is fully conscious, it is a bad plan.
That realization is what leads to the syringe. Dexter does not simply happen upon one and decide to use it. He begins actively searching the mall for a way to incapacitate Tony before closing with him again. The directory lists a walk-in medical clinic attached to one of the anchor corridors. Dexter reaches it through a service entrance, forces open the locked interior rooms and spends several minutes examining the medical supplies. His professional background does not make him a physician, but years spent drugging victims have given him considerably more familiarity with injectable sedatives than an ordinary person would possess. He finds what he is looking for among the clinic's secured medications, prepares a single syringe, caps it and wraps it carefully before placing it inside his jacket. It is not his primary weapon. It is insurance against exactly what happened in the restaurant: a situation in which Dexter can get close enough to Tony to touch him but cannot safely keep fighting him there.
Tony, meanwhile, changes his own approach. He starts destroying cameras whenever he notices them, relocates frequently and refuses to chase Dexter into unfamiliar corridors. Nearly an hour passes without either man seeing the other. Tony's knee is stiffening, however, and the long stretches of movement through the mall are beginning to wear on him. Dexter eventually returns to the security office and discovers that much of his coverage has vanished, but one surviving camera catches Tony crossing the central food court with a slight limp. Dexter watches the direction he takes and studies the mall map. An outdoor-goods store lies ahead, stocked with camping equipment, knives, flashlights and potentially more ammunition. It is exactly the sort of place an armed but tired man might choose to resupply or defend.
Tony reaches the store ten minutes later. He checks the entrance, sees nothing and enters with the pistol ready and the shotgun slung behind him. The lights are out. Rows of tents, sleeping bags and camping displays form artificial rooms through the darkness. Tony switches on a flashlight and begins moving toward the back. A camping lantern suddenly rolls across the floor to his left. Tony swings and fires at it. The lantern shatters. Dexter comes from the opposite direction. Tony turns much faster than Dexter hoped and fires again, the shot missing by inches, but Dexter reaches him before a third shot. They collide against a shelving unit and the pistol falls away. Tony immediately attacks Dexter's wounded arm, squeezing hard enough to nearly drop him, then drives him backward into the shelves. Dexter does not try to win the struggle this time. He has already learned that lesson.
He reaches inside his jacket.
Tony sees the syringe only as Dexter drives it into the side of his neck during the struggle. Tony reacts instantly, slamming Dexter away with both hands and reaching for the shotgun. Dexter retreats rather than attempting to restrain him. Tony raises the weapon and fires, but the shot goes wide. “You motherfucker,” he snarls, understanding that something has been done to him even if he has no idea what. He advances anyway. For several seconds Dexter is not certain the plan has worked. Tony remains upright, furious, and armed. Dexter keeps obstacles between them and refuses to close the distance. Then Tony's movements begin to lose precision. His injured knee buckles first. He catches himself against a display rack, tries to bring the shotgun up again and discovers that his arms are no longer cooperating properly.
Tony fights the effect with sheer anger. He manages another step, then another, before collapsing against the shelving. He tries to rise and cannot. Dexter waits. The syringe has not been treated as an instant knockout button because Dexter did not expect one. His strategy depended on buying enough distance after delivering it to allow Tony's ability to fight back to deteriorate. For nearly a minute Tony remains dangerous enough that Dexter stays several yards away. Only when the shotgun slips from Tony's hands and he can no longer retrieve it does Dexter approach, kicking both firearms out of reach before coming any closer.
Tony looks up at him, furious and increasingly unable to move. “Who the fuck are you?”
Dexter considers the question. There is no ritual here, no plastic-covered room and no collection of photographs proving what Tony has done. Dexter knows nothing about the man beyond what he has learned during the fight: Tony is armed, experienced, strong, suspicious and very willing to kill him. Survival is enough.
“Dexter Morgan.”
Tony tries to reach for him. His arm barely rises.
Dexter retrieves the knife he has carried since the beginning of the match. This time Tony cannot stop him.
The fight ends quietly among the darkened camping displays.
Winner: DEXTER MORGAN
MATCH 2- ELLIOT ALDERSON VS NIKKI SWANGO Location: Shopping Mall
For the first minute Elliot Alderson hardly moves at all. He stands beneath the vaulted glass of the eastern atrium with Nikki Swango's photograph folded in one hand and studies not the stores but the building itself. Cameras hang beneath the ceiling in black hemispheres. Digital directories glow at the intersections. Fire doors, card readers, employee corridors, loading entrances, security shutters, escalators, elevators, public-address speakers and access panels all speak to him in the mute language of systems. Somewhere behind the polished public face of the mall there will be networks layered atop older networks, contractors whose equipment was installed ten years apart, cameras from one vendor, access control from another, heating and lighting from a third, and somewhere a security room where operators ordinarily stitch those systems together by hand. Elliot understands almost immediately that the building contains something far more valuable to him than a gun: information. The difficulty is that none of it belongs to him yet. At the western end, Nikki reaches a simpler conclusion. Somewhere in the building is a man who intends to kill her, and somewhere in the building are guns. She finds a directory, fixes the sporting-goods store in her memory and starts toward it, but stops after only fifty yards when she notices the cameras. One hangs behind her, another watches the next intersection, and a third covers the obvious route ahead. She looks directly into the nearest dark dome. She has no idea whether Elliot can access it. She also has no reason to assume he cannot. In bridge, a player who treats an unseen card as harmless because she has not yet seen it generally deserves what follows. Nikki turns away from the direct route to the guns and disappears through a department store.
Elliot's first obstacle is embarrassingly physical. Doors are locked. Offices are locked. Network closets are locked. The first workstation he finds is locked. The mall does not yield merely because he understands computers. He slips through an employees-only corridor behind an anchor store, finds a maintenance cart, takes what tools he can use and forces his way into a back office, only to discover an ordinary Windows login screen staring back at him. There is no miraculous master console waiting for him, only an aging management workstation and a network cable disappearing into a wall. Physical access nevertheless gives him possibilities that remote access would not. He begins by learning the shape of the local network rather than attacking it blindly. The machine sits on an administrative segment used for leasing, maintenance requests and building operations. Cached configuration data, mapped resources, printer entries and fragments of documentation reveal pieces of the mall's architecture. Security video, building management, access control and tenant systems are partly separated. Two generations of cameras coexist. The elevators speak to proprietary controllers. The HVAC system lives behind its own gateway. Some doors report status centrally; others do not. Nothing is unified. Elliot finds this reassuring. Perfect systems are abstractions. Real systems are compromises. But understanding them under ordinary conditions would take hours, perhaps days, and he has neither. He has no Internet connection for vendor documentation, no prepared credentials, no quiet room in which to work, and somewhere in the same building a woman he has never met may already be arming herself. His breakthrough comes not from some dazzling exploit but from the weakness on which most real systems ultimately depend: human convenience. A maintenance terminal in an adjoining office retains a recently used session tied into the mall's management tools. The account is not powerful enough to control everything, but it reveals network ranges, device names and the location of security operations. Elliot takes what he needs and moves.
Nikki, meanwhile, uses the department store to become less like the woman in Elliot's photograph. She does not attempt an elaborate disguise. She changes her coat, gathers her hair beneath a baseball cap and trades her shoes for a different pair. At conversational distance it would fool nobody. From twenty feet above, through mediocre optics compressed onto a wall of monitors, it may buy hesitation, and hesitation is all she needs. She exits through a service corridor and reaches the sporting-goods store by a route nearly three times longer than the obvious one. By the time Elliot finally reaches the security room, almost half an hour has passed. The room appears powerful until he begins using it. More than a hundred feeds are available, but they do not form one seamless eye. Some cameras pan, others are fixed, several are dead, and a handful disagree on time because nobody has bothered to synchronize them properly. Department stores maintain private systems he cannot see. Freight corridors vanish into blind spots. Recorded footage can be searched, but not intelligently enough to identify a woman who knows she is being watched and keeps altering her appearance. Elliot begins reconstructing Nikki's movements one camera at a time. He finds her entrance, her pause at the directory, her initial path toward the sporting-goods wing, and then the moment she stops beneath a camera and looks directly into it. He rewinds the clip and watches it again. She knows enough to be suspicious. He follows her into the department store and loses her, then eventually notices a woman in a bulky coat and cap moving through a peripheral feed with her face angled down. Height, build, gait. Maybe. That uncertainty is Nikki's first real victory.
At the sporting-goods store, Nikki avoids smashing glass and announcing herself through half the building. She searches the surrounding service areas until she finds a heavy maintenance tool, works the lower edge of the security gate until she can deform it, then crawls beneath. Elliot watches her enter and, for the first time, enjoys something close to perfect information. Nikki is inside a large enclosed space with only a few practical exits. He considers leaving security and trying to reach her before she arms herself, but doing so would mean abandoning the advantage he has spent half an hour creating, so he stays. Nikki finds the firearms department and chooses conservatively. She is no professional gunfighter and knows it. She takes a handgun she can manage, ammunition, and a second pistol as insurance, while leaving the more cumbersome rifles behind. On the way out she notices a camera over the main aisle and nearly shoots it, then thinks better of it. Destroying the camera would tell the watcher that she understands the cameras. She leaves it untouched. When she finally emerges, the bulky coat conceals whatever she carries, and Elliot begins tracking her north. Then movement appears on the rear service feed. A second figure exits the store. For one impossible second Elliot sees two Nikki Swangos inside the mall. The second collapses sideways. It is a mannequin dressed in clothing from the store and shoved onto a wheeled display base hard enough to cross the camera's field before falling. Elliot leans back and smiles despite himself. Nikki cannot take the cameras from him, so she has begun attacking their reliability.
From that point, the contest becomes less about who sees more and more about who can trust what they see. Nikki leaves clothing in camera view and exits by another route. She opens doors she does not use. She pushes merchandise into corridors. She crosses open spaces under different coats and hats, never hoping to remain unidentified forever, only to make each identification cost Elliot time. The security system starts producing too much information rather than too little. One man cannot watch a hundred feeds, search recordings, manipulate building systems and remain aware of the hallway outside his own door all at once. The mall's primitive video analytics are built to detect loitering and after-hours motion, not distinguish an armed woman changing clothes from mannequins, reflections and moving displays. Elliot understands the system better than anyone who normally works there and remains constrained by what it was built to do. He begins probing other systems, but again the mall resists the fantasy of total control. Lighting is zoned irregularly. Fire systems operate largely independently. Some shutters respond remotely, others do not. Elevators can be monitored more easily than commanded. The public-address system proves simpler. Elliot tests music and announcements in selected areas and watches Nikki's reactions. The first time cheerful pop music begins playing in an otherwise silent corridor, she freezes, studies the ceiling and turns back. Twenty minutes later he triggers a recorded announcement elsewhere, and again she abandons her route. By the third attempt he has converted her caution into a prediction.
He activates music in the central atrium and leaves the security room, moving through a service corridor toward the side passage Nikki used the previous times the environment changed unexpectedly. Elliot carries a kitchen knife and a heavy metal tool. He knows the cameras can bring him near her, but eventually the problem becomes physical. Eventually one person has to kill another. Nikki enters the passage, and Elliot waits behind a shuttered kiosk until she passes. He emerges behind her and gets perhaps two silent steps before she turns. Whether she hears him, sees his reflection in a darkened storefront or simply senses that the building has been too cooperative is impossible to know. She draws and fires. The report explodes through the corridor. Elliot dives behind the kiosk as another round punches through its decorative paneling, then crawls through a rear service opening and runs. Nikki follows only far enough to see him disappear. For the first time she has seen her hunter. Thin. Pale. Younger than expected. No visible gun. Frightened. She does not confuse fear with weakness. The frightened man has spent an hour moving her around a building without being near her. She leaves in the opposite direction. Elliot returns to the security office badly shaken, because intellectually knowing that Nikki has acquired a gun and hearing a bullet strike inches from your body are not the same experience. He forces himself back to the monitors, but Nikki has vanished.
Ten minutes later cameras begin dying along the eastern corridor. One goes black, then another, then another. Elliot sees the apparent route immediately and therefore distrusts it immediately. The destroyed cameras form a clean line leading away from security. One surviving feed remains conspicuously between two dead ones. Elliot opens it. The corridor is empty. The missing cameras are not evidence of where Nikki is; they are evidence of where Nikki wants him to believe she is. For the first time Elliot turns his back on the monitors and looks at the office door. The great strength of a surveillance room is that it allows one person to watch an entire building. Its great weakness is that the person doing the watching must be somewhere. He locks the door and drags a cabinet partly across it. A metallic sound comes from outside, then nothing. Unknown to him, Nikki is not there. She has begun solving the problem from the opposite direction. Cameras do not watch themselves. Doors do not lock themselves. Music does not begin by magic. Somewhere in the mall the systems converge. She starts reading employee signage and moving through administrative corridors: facilities, electrical, security. Eventually she finds a staff directory with an arrow pointing toward SECURITY OPERATIONS, and smiles.
By the time Nikki reaches the corridor, Elliot has already decided the office is compromised and slipped away through a rear equipment passage. She fires twice into a nearby utility door to provoke anyone hiding close enough to react, then waits. Elliot hears the shots from deeper in the service corridor and remains still. Nikki tests the security-office handle. Locked. Inside, the monitors continue displaying an entire mall to an empty chair. Elliot then begins using the building more aggressively, and in doing so damages his own advantage. From another engineering terminal he kills lighting in Nikki's section, activates alarms, closes several shutters and attempts to lock enough doors to funnel her movement. But malls are not laboratories. A shutter stops halfway down. A fire alarm overrides one access-controlled door. Emergency lighting activates automatically. A bank of older cameras loses power because someone years earlier connected them to the wrong electrical branch. One whole cluster vanishes from Elliot's interface. He has made the environment more hostile to Nikki and less legible to himself. Nikki recognizes the change without understanding the technical cause. The building that once seemed to watch her with quiet precision now behaves erratically. She begins adding disorder of her own. She pulls alarms in areas she is not using, props emergency exits open, wedges carts into automatic doors and activates whatever obvious systems she can reach. She does not understand the network. She does not need to. If Elliot's strength is separating meaningful signals from noise, Nikki can manufacture noise.
Soon Elliot's management screen is alive with faults, alarms and status changes. Some are Nikki's doing, some are his, and some are consequences neither intended. The digital model of the mall no longer corresponds cleanly to the physical mall itself. For nearly twenty minutes Nikki disappears entirely. Elliot should abandon the technology then, but technology is the place where chaos has always become structure for him if he looks long enough, so he keeps looking. He rebuilds the surviving camera picture, compares timestamps, discards false trails and eventually finds Nikki crossing the lower-level food court. It is impressive work, and it also means he has spent twenty minutes seated before a screen while Nikki has spent twenty minutes learning his habits. Elliot concludes that he needs range. He finds a crossbow in the sporting-goods area and tests it once in a back corridor, discovering that understanding a weapon mechanically and being good with one are very different things. He takes it anyway. The food court gives him elevation. From the upper level he sees Nikki below among abandoned tables and artificial trees, pausing at a directory. He raises the crossbow with surprise, height and a stationary target all in his favor. The bolt misses by roughly two feet and buries itself in a kiosk.
Nikki drops behind a counter before Elliot can reload. She catches movement above and fires. Her first shot misses; the second chips the railing near his hand. Elliot retreats, and for several minutes they circle through different levels of the food court without seeing more than fragments of each other. The cameras help him only intermittently because Nikki remains beneath awnings and overhangs when possible. Then she disappears into a sporting-apparel store. Elliot checks the layout. The public entrance is exposed to cameras; the rear employee door opens into a service corridor. He takes the rear. An hour earlier that would have been the correct decision. Nikki has finally learned the rule governing Elliot's movement: he rarely follows where she is. He predicts where she will go and tries to arrive first. So Nikki gives him somewhere to arrive. She fires twice near the front of the store, destroying a camera and creating the appearance that she is committed to that side, then doubles back through the clothing aisles and waits beside the rear employee door with the pistol raised.
Elliot approaches from the service corridor. He hears the gunshots, checks a nearby monitor and sees that the front feed is gone. He knows it may be bait. He also knows standing still gives Nikki time. He decides to reposition, reaches for the rear door and opens it. Nikki is waiting on the other side. For a heartbeat neither moves. Elliot slams the door shut. Nikki fires through it. The bullet punches through the thin metal and strikes him high in the side. He falls hard against the corridor wall, one hand clamping instinctively over the wound. Nikki is almost as surprised as he is that the shot connected. She waits several seconds before pulling the door open. Elliot is crawling backward, leaving a dark smear behind him. The crossbow lies beyond his reach. Nikki keeps the pistol leveled. Elliot looks up at her, pale and breathing rapidly but still thinking. “You figured out the cameras,” he says. Nikki's mouth twitches. “Eventually.” Elliot glances toward the wall beside her, and Nikki steps away from it at once. Nothing happens. For two seconds they both understand the joke. Most of the fight has consisted of Elliot teaching Nikki that every ordinary feature of the mall might conceal intention. A speaker might be bait, a dark corridor might be deliberate, a camera might be watching, a door might be a trap. Even now, bleeding on the floor and beaten, Elliot can still make her move merely by looking somewhere. “That's really annoying,” Nikki says. Elliot almost laughs.
There is no hidden switch waiting in his pocket, no final command capable of dropping a shutter on her head, no omnipotent system through which he can finish the fight from the floor. The mall was never that machine. It was hundreds of imperfect systems built by different people for different purposes, and Elliot had spent the match forcing as much coherence from them as one man could. For most of the contest he had seen Nikki when she could not see him. He had anticipated routes, moved her with light and sound, and turned several hundred thousand square feet of commercial infrastructure into an extension of his own perception. Nikki never learned how the systems worked. She never needed to. She learned the man operating them. When Elliot reaches slowly toward his pocket, Nikki tells him not to. His hand stops. She studies him for another moment, then fires once more.
The alarms continue sounding after Elliot Alderson stops moving. Somewhere a prerecorded voice calmly instructs nonexistent shoppers to proceed toward the nearest exit. Several monitors display empty corridors, others error messages, and one surviving camera still shows the service hallway where Nikki stands over Elliot's body. She looks upward until she finds it and studies the dark lens for a long moment before giving it a small, exhausted smile.
Winner: NIKKI SWANGO
WINNERS MATCH: DEXTER MORGAN VS NIKKI SWANGO Location: Crowded Apartment Complex
The apartment complex receives them without ceremony, for it has no knowledge that anything has begun. Morning heat already lies heavily upon the concrete, and the narrow courts between the towers are crowded with the ordinary traffic of life: children running beneath laundry lines, old men sitting beneath patched awnings, women carrying food and water up exterior stairs, scooters passing within inches of vendors whose stalls have spread gradually into the walkways. The buildings themselves seem less constructed than accumulated, great stained blocks of concrete upon which succeeding generations have added roofs, cages, balconies, staircases, pipes, sheet-metal rooms and bridges until no plan of the original architect could entirely explain what now stands. Dexter Morgan enters through one of the lower courtyards and understands almost immediately that the population is not scenery but terrain. In Miami he had followed men through streets whose customs he understood, watched them enter buildings whose functions he could infer, and used institutions whose rules were familiar to him. Here even the signs are meaningless to him. He cannot ask a shopkeeper whether a blonde foreign woman passed ten minutes before. He cannot overhear a conversation and understand that strangers are discussing her. A doorway may lead to a public stair, a family's kitchen, a workshop, or a dead end. Most troublesome of all, he himself cannot disappear. He is tall, pale, foreign, and alone, and heads turn as he passes even when he does nothing to invite attention. Somewhere in this inhabited labyrinth is Nikki Swango, who is smaller, quicker to smile, and much more comfortable making strangers part of whatever game she is playing. Dexter studies her photograph once more before folding it into his pocket. He has killed many people who never knew he was coming. Nikki knows he is coming. That alone makes her unlike almost every hunt he has undertaken before.
Nikki reaches the same conclusion from the opposite direction, though in a manner more characteristic of her. She does not ask how she can become invisible, because she can see within five minutes that invisibility is impossible. She asks instead what it means if both of them are visible. At a food stall near the southern entrance she produces Dexter's photograph and points at it, then around the complex, accompanying the gesture with an exaggerated expression of uncertainty. The elderly woman behind the counter replies at length in a language Nikki cannot understand, and within moments several neighboring vendors have joined the discussion. Nikki smiles, shrugs, points again, and lets the photograph pass from hand to hand. It does not matter that nobody understands the question. What matters is that they have now seen Dexter's face. She repeats the performance twice more in other parts of the ground level, altering the emotion each time, once appearing merely lost, once suggesting urgency, once making Dexter's photograph seem almost like that of a missing relative. The story the residents construct from these gestures will be inconsistent and largely useless, which suits her perfectly. Before half an hour has passed, Dexter's face has entered the social circulation of the place without Nikki possessing the slightest control over where it will go. She has, in effect, led a card she does not expect to win. Its purpose is to force a response and thereby reveal something about the hand opposite her.
Dexter discovers the play when a group of boys on an upper landing begin pointing at him. One produces a folded scrap of paper, and even at a distance Dexter recognizes part of his own photograph. He turns before the boys can decide whether following him would be entertaining and disappears through a passage crowded with hanging shirts and children's bicycles. The incident tells him more about Nikki than the boys ever could. She has not merely concealed herself; she has introduced him into the consciousness of the building. From that moment Dexter ceases thinking of the residents as potential witnesses he might somehow interrogate and begins treating their reactions as evidence. It is an imperfect discipline, more anthropology than forensics, because he cannot distinguish surprise at seeing a foreigner from recognition of the man in the photograph, yet patterns gradually emerge. An old man looks once and then twice. A child whispers to another and points. A woman standing in a doorway glances from Dexter toward an upper staircase with a quickness that may mean something and may mean nothing. The very abundance of possible meaning is Nikki's protection. Dexter can read behavior extraordinarily well when the variables are constrained; here every gesture has a dozen plausible causes. He changes his shirt and cap with clothing taken from an unattended laundry line, but the alteration only reduces the resemblance at a distance. Nikki has ensured that the building itself is now looking for him without knowing why.
For a time she seems to vanish within the multitude, but Nikki is not merely hiding. She is studying the effect she has created. Her particular intelligence is not technical, nor is it the orderly intelligence of a detective laying facts in sequence. It is relational. She is accustomed to games in which most of the important information is hidden and must be inferred from choices made under uncertainty. She cannot understand what the residents say, but she can understand when a conversation begins because she has entered a courtyard, when a shopkeeper's attention shifts toward a stairwell, when several children suddenly become interested in the same stranger. Dexter's photograph becomes a crude signaling device whose messages she cannot read directly but whose movement she can sometimes observe. Twice she sees people reacting to something beyond her line of sight and withdraws rather than investigate. Once she waits behind a curtain of drying clothes while Dexter crosses a courtyard four stories below, his face hidden beneath a borrowed cap but his height unmistakable. She could descend after him. She does not. A less patient opponent might be attacked because he has finally appeared. Nikki instead asks why he is there, where he came from, and which route he is likely to take if he is doing what she suspects. When Dexter vanishes beneath the opposite tower, she remains where she is for nearly twenty minutes and watches the staircases rather than following him.
This is the strange balance the complex imposes upon them. The crowds magnify Nikki because she can seed confusion among them, borrow their clothing, slip into their flows, and convert attention itself into a weapon. Yet those same crowds deny her the clean feedback upon which manipulation normally depends. She can make people look for Dexter, but she cannot ask what they have seen. She can create rumors without hearing them. Dexter suffers the opposite problem. His habitual patience remains intact, but much of the physical evidence upon which he might ordinarily rely is drowned beneath the passage of thousands of unrelated feet and hands. A disturbed door proves nothing when twenty families use it. A footprint in dust may belong to anyone. A discarded piece of cloth may be Nikki's disguise or a resident's laundry. Even blood, if he were lucky enough to find it, could not immediately be assumed to belong to his target. Thus both of them are forced toward their deeper talents. Nikki manipulates uncertainty; Dexter narrows it.
By afternoon Nikki begins testing him more deliberately. She creates patterns that are meant to be noticed: a scarf tied around one stair rail and another of the same color several buildings away, a paper scrap bearing half of Dexter's photograph left beneath a water tank, a stolen jacket abandoned conspicuously near a rooftop passage. She wants to know whether Dexter will pursue signs merely because they are interpretable. He does not. Hours pass without him appearing at any of them. This troubles her more than if he had. In bridge there are players who respond to pressure with action and players who respond by refusing to supply information. Dexter belongs to the latter kind. Nikki therefore reverses the experiment. She stops manufacturing signs altogether and begins moving as plainly as circumstances permit. She crosses a market at normal speed, waits in a food line though she has no money with which to buy anything, climbs a staircase with a family returning home and spends half an hour sitting in the shadow of an upper corridor while children play nearby. If Dexter has been waiting for her inventions to cease, she intends to make ordinary behavior itself another deception.
Dexter, however, has already arrived at a similar conclusion from the other side. Nikki's false trails have taught him that any sign sufficiently obvious to be interpreted may have been placed there for precisely that reason. He stops hunting signs and selects a place. Between two of the largest residential blocks is a narrow bridge several floors above the central market, not because the bridge is unique but because he has spent long enough observing the complex to see that it solves a particular problem. It allows movement between the upper levels of the two buildings without descending into the crowded courts below. Someone trying to travel efficiently while minimizing encounters will eventually find it useful. Dexter takes position where he can see most of the span through gaps between hanging sheets and waits. The choice is not glamorous. Nothing happens for almost two hours. Men cross carrying tools. Children race over it. A woman pushes a wheeled cart slowly from one building to the other. Dexter eats fruit taken from an unattended stall and waits still longer, because patience for him is not inactivity but a form of pressure applied to the world until repetition reveals what matters.
When Nikki finally appears, Dexter almost fails to recognize her. She has traded her original clothes for an oversized patterned shirt and tied her hair beneath a scarf. She walks among three women carrying shopping bags, matching their pace without pretending to belong to them. It is not her face that identifies her but the proportions of her movement, the slight forward set of her shoulders, and, more than anything, the fact that she looks once toward the upper windows without moving her head. Dexter remains motionless. Nikki reaches the middle of the bridge and slows. The women with whom she has been walking continue without her. She looks behind, then toward the rooftops, and for several seconds seems to listen to something Dexter cannot hear. He has been seen by people he stalked before; he has rarely been sensed without being seen. Nikki continues across, and Dexter lets her go. Following immediately would tell her that her instinct was correct. More importantly, he does not need to know where she is for the next five minutes. He needs to know what she does when she suspects she has been found.
Nikki does not repeat the route. Once inside the far building she descends two levels, crosses through an open apartment whose occupants shout angrily after her, exits onto a narrow rear balcony and loops back toward the original tower by a lower passage. The maneuver is improvised but intelligent, and had the building been empty it might have broken the pursuit completely. In a populated place, however, her passage leaves not silence but disturbance. Dexter enters the corridor several minutes later and encounters the family whose home she crossed. He cannot understand their words, but their anger has direction. Three people point toward the same balcony. Dexter follows, then deliberately stops. Nikki is too intelligent to believe such a route remains hidden after creating that much commotion. The obvious trail is already dead. He steps back into the apartment and studies what she touched.
There, almost lost among the objects of an ordinary household, Dexter finally finds the kind of evidence he trusts.
A ceramic bowl lies broken near the rear doorway. One shard bears a thin smear of fresh blood.
He does not assume it belongs to Nikki merely because he wants it to. He examines the doorway and finds another trace along the rough edge of the metal frame, where someone moving quickly has scraped a hand or forearm. The family are gesturing angrily but none appears injured. Dexter looks toward the balcony and then at the floor beyond it. Nikki had cut herself leaving the apartment. For the first time all day he possesses a physical fact she did not intend to give him.
The blood does not tell him where she is now. It tells him something better: she is injured slightly, knows she has been closely followed, and will therefore alter her strategy. Dexter does not chase the spots because there are only two and then none. Instead he looks at the surrounding architecture and asks where a person who believes her pursuer has learned her route would go next. Open crowds have protected Nikki throughout the day, but they have also betrayed her through reaction. An injury makes disguise harder because blood stains clothing and attracts questions. The uppermost levels, by contrast, are less inhabited and contain unfinished rooms, water tanks, maintenance spaces and narrow roof structures. Nikki has spent the match using people as cover. Dexter suspects she will now remove people from the equation long enough to reset the game.
Nikki reaches the rooftops before him and comes to a realization she dislikes. Dexter has not followed any of her obvious deceptions, has not been drawn into any of the disturbances she created, and yet the intervals between her sensing him have shortened. He is not playing the game she offered. He is waiting until the game produces a piece of information he believes. Nikki unwraps the cut along her palm and sees that it is shallow but messy. She washes it beneath a rooftop tap, tears a strip from the inside of her borrowed shirt and binds it tightly. Then she looks over the surrounding roofs and begins planning not another escape but an exchange. If Dexter is more dangerous the longer the hunt continues, she must eventually force him to act while she still controls what he believes.
She chooses a maintenance level beneath a large rooftop water tank where two stairways approach from different directions and a narrow exterior passage overlooks a lower courtyard. In one stairwell she leaves a faint, genuine-looking blood smear from the cloth around her hand and then deliberately stops the trail. In the other she places nothing at all. She finds a length of electrical conduit and a heavy kitchen knife taken earlier from an apartment, then hides not beside the blood trail but above the clean stair, reasoning that Dexter will distrust the obvious route and choose the one that appears untouched. It is the kind of wager at which Nikki excels because it is not really about where Dexter will walk. It is about what Nikki thinks Dexter thinks she thinks he will walk.
Dexter reaches the level near sunset and sees the blood.
He stops.
The smear is plausible. It is also unnecessary.
That is what saves him.
The earlier blood had been accidental, found on a broken bowl and doorframe amid the chaos of an angry apartment. This mark exists alone on otherwise clean concrete at exactly the point where two possible routes diverge. Dexter has spent years studying scenes where people attempted to make violence tell a particular story. Nothing in the mark itself proves deception, but context does. Nikki has become aware that he can follow what she leaves behind. He therefore does not choose the bloodied stair, nor does he choose the clean one. He backs away entirely and spends nearly twenty minutes finding a third approach through an adjacent rooftop structure, climbing across a low partition and entering the maintenance level from a direction neither of them had treated as part of the choice.
Nikki hears him too late.
She turns as Dexter appears behind a row of water pipes, and for perhaps the first time in the match surprise belongs entirely to him. Yet surprise is not victory. Nikki hurls the length of conduit rather than trying to close with the knife. Dexter ducks, and the metal strikes a pipe with a tremendous ringing crash. Nikki runs for the exterior passage. Dexter follows for only a few steps before stopping, because the noise has brought residents onto nearby balconies and several maintenance workers are already climbing toward the roof. Nikki had not planned that consequence, but she uses it instantly. She disappears down a stairwell just as men begin emerging onto the maintenance level, leaving Dexter trapped between pursuit and exposure. He retreats through the route by which he entered. For several minutes the advantage he had built dissolves completely into shouting, movement and confusion.
Nikki descends fast enough to reopen the cut in her hand. She knows she has lost the trap and gained something else: confirmation. Dexter does not merely mistrust obvious clues. He understands staged physical evidence. The insight is useful, but it carries an unpleasant implication. She cannot beat him by becoming a better version of Dexter. The more she tries to manufacture the kind of evidence he specializes in reading, the more she enters his game. Her own advantage lies elsewhere. She returns to the inhabited levels and makes the most audacious decision of the match. Rather than hide her injury, she displays it.
She enters a crowded residential corridor with blood on her hand and fear openly on her face, points behind herself, produces Dexter's photograph and begins miming pursuit. The language barrier prevents any coherent explanation, but coherence is unnecessary. A wounded foreign woman indicating that a strange man is following her communicates enough. Several residents gather around. An older man takes the photograph. Two younger men look down the stairwell. Someone brings Nikki water. Someone else wraps her hand more properly. Within minutes she has created not a militia, for these are ordinary residents with no reason to risk their lives for her, but a pocket of human concern dense enough to alter the landscape. Dexter cannot approach her there without becoming immediately visible.
For the next hour Nikki moves from one inhabited space to another under the accidental protection of people who believe some version of her pantomimed story. She never asks anyone to attack Dexter. She merely makes herself socially expensive to approach. It is perhaps her best use of the environment, and Dexter recognizes the problem as soon as he sees a group of residents react sharply to his presence near a stairwell. He could force the issue. He could threaten or kill people. Nothing in the rules prevents him. But indiscriminate violence would create exactly the chaos Nikki wants and would destroy his ability to distinguish her movements from the panic around her. Dexter withdraws. Nikki has successfully denied him the close confrontation in which his superiority would be greatest.
Night falls, and the complex changes character. The great concrete faces darken while hundreds of windows come alive, each a separate yellow or blue square. Food stalls close. Children are called indoors. The major courts remain active, but the flow of people thins and routes that were anonymous in daylight become exposed. Nikki's improvised sanctuary begins to decay simply because people go home. She moves with one family for a time, then another, but cannot explain enough to remain with anyone indefinitely. Dexter waits through the transition. Nikki has won hours, not safety.
The decisive mistake is almost insultingly small. Nikki has spent the entire day thinking about Dexter as an opponent and the residents as variables. Near midnight, exhausted and hungry, she accepts a bottle of water from a woman outside a small apartment and sits for several minutes on a concrete step. When she leaves, she forgets the temporary bandage around her injured hand has begun leaking again. A faint red print remains on the translucent plastic bottle.
Dexter does not find the bottle by tracking her. He finds it because he has resumed doing almost nothing. He has chosen a stair junction where the remaining nighttime traffic from several upper levels converges and watches people pass. A woman descends carrying trash, including the bottle Nikki left behind. Dexter sees the blood before she drops the bag into a communal bin.
It is barely evidence at all.
But it is real.
He climbs the staircase from which the woman came and begins observing rather than searching. On the next level a child sees him and retreats into an apartment. On the level above, two men look at his face longer than they should. Nikki has been here recently. Dexter slows further. A door closes softly somewhere ahead.
Nikki hears his footsteps and knows they are different from the residents'. Too measured. Too infrequent. Whoever is coming upward stops more often than he climbs.
She does not wait to confirm.
The apartment into which she has slipped belongs to an elderly couple who fled into another room when she entered. There are two exits: the front door and a narrow balcony separated from the neighboring apartment by a waist-high concrete divider. Nikki looks at both and immediately understands that Dexter will understand both. She has a kitchen knife again, taken from beside the sink. The room is cramped. If he enters through the door she can stand beside it. If he comes over the balcony she can hear the movement. For once there is no elaborate deception left to construct. The game has collapsed to a handful of possibilities.
Dexter reaches the landing and sees the elderly couple peering through the half-open door of a neighboring room. One of them points toward the apartment without being asked.
He does not approach the front entrance.
He enters the adjacent apartment, startling a family awake, crosses to their balcony, and looks over the divider. Nikki's borrowed apartment is dark except for light spilling from the corridor beneath the front door. The balcony curtain moves faintly.
Dexter climbs over.
Nikki hears fabric shift and turns before he is fully through the doorway.
She does not try to fight him.
She throws the knife.
It is the correct decision.
Dexter twists aside, but the blade cuts deeply across his upper arm. Nikki is already moving toward the front door while he recoils. She reaches it and pulls.
Nothing.
Dexter had wedged it from outside before entering the neighboring apartment.
For the first time all day Nikki has nowhere immediately useful to go.
She turns and reaches for a heavy glass jar on the counter, but Dexter is already across the room. The confrontation is brief in a way their earlier contest was not. Nikki is tough, resourceful and willing to hurt him in any way available, but this is the range she has spent the entire match avoiding. Dexter controls one wrist, turns her away from him and uses his greater strength and far greater experience restraining struggling victims to keep her from reaching anything else. Nikki tries to stamp his foot, throws her head backward and nearly catches his face, then abruptly changes tactics and goes limp enough to create space. Dexter anticipates the attempt to turn beneath his arm. She bites him anyway. He swears, adjusts his grip and drives her against the wall.
Nikki understands the position before it is complete.
That is perhaps the cruelest part of it.
For most of the day she has survived by identifying the game before her opponent realizes which game is being played. Here there is almost nothing left to infer. Dexter is stronger. He knows how to hold someone who does not want to be held. The room is too small for her to regain distance, and the only useful weapon lies several feet away.
Still, she does not surrender.
She slams the heel of her shoe backward into his shin, reaches for his injured arm and tears at the cut with her fingers. Dexter's grip falters just enough for her to wrench partly free. Nikki dives toward the knife.
Dexter catches her ankle.
She hits the floor, stretches, and gets two fingers around the handle.
He drags her backward.
Nikki rolls and slashes blindly.
The knife catches Dexter along the ribs, shallow but painful.
Then his hand closes around her wrist.
From there the outcome becomes inexorable.
Dexter forces the weapon away, gets behind her and locks his arm beneath her chin. Nikki claws at him, tries to turn, then tries to reach backward for his eyes. None of it creates enough space. She has spent the day making herself impossible to corner. Now she is cornered.
For several seconds neither speaks. Outside the apartment someone laughs in a corridor. A television plays loudly through the wall. Water runs somewhere in the building. The life of the complex goes on around them with complete indifference.
Nikki's struggling slows. “You know,” she manages, breathless, “I almost had you.”
Dexter, bleeding from the arm and side, thinks about the false trails, the crowds, the rooftop trap, the residents who had unknowingly sheltered her, and the knife that came close enough to open his skin twice.
“More than once.” There is something like satisfaction in Nikki's expression, though he cannot see much of it from behind.
Then she tries one final time to break the hold. Dexter tightens it.
When it is over he remains on the floor for some time, listening to the apartment complex breathe around him. Nikki Swango had never become the better hunter, the better fighter, or the more experienced killer. She had done something more troublesome: she had repeatedly made those distinctions irrelevant. For most of the match, she had prevented Dexter from reducing the contest to any form in which his superiority could matter. She had turned strangers into signals, crowds into shelter, false information into terrain, and Dexter's own caution into delay.
In the end, however, there had been one difference she could not entirely erase. Nikki had to keep inventing uncertainty. Dexter could wait for certainty to appear by accident.
Eventually, in a place inhabited by thousands of people, one small drop of blood had told the truth.
Winner: DEXTER MORGAN
LOSERS MATCH: TONY SOPRANO VS ELLIOT ALDERSON Location: Crowded Apartment Complex
The complex is arranged around a vast rectangular courtyard, the sort of place that might once have been designed as communal open space but has long since become something closer to a town square. Four principal towers stand around it: East, West, North and South, each twelve to fourteen stories high, their lower floors connected by a sprawling concrete podium occupied by food stalls, workshops, laundries, storage rooms and small shops. At the sixth floor, enclosed pedestrian bridges connect East to North and West to South; at the tenth, a narrower exposed bridge joins North and West. Behind the four towers runs a service spine of utility corridors, maintenance rooms, refuse areas and loading access, largely invisible from the courtyard. Elevators serve each tower independently, while exterior staircases and internal fire stairs offer multiple vertical routes. Cameras exist, but unevenly: the courtyard entrances, elevator lobbies, the ground-floor market and the service spine are watched; most residential floors are not. Tony Soprano enters through the southern market gate and understands the problem as something brutally simple. Somewhere in this enormous place is a man who intends to kill him. Elliot Alderson enters through the east gate and immediately understands that the place is brutally complicated. The difference between them is apparent from the beginning. Tony studies Elliot’s photograph and starts using people. Elliot studies Tony’s and starts looking for systems.
Tony’s first circuit takes him through the southern half of the podium, where the market spills beneath the South and West Towers. He shows Elliot’s photograph to vendors and residents, pointing first at the image and then upward toward the apartments. The language barrier renders speech almost useless, but Tony has spent his life reading expressions, hesitations and involuntary glances. A shrug is a shrug; a quick look toward a stairwell is information. When one shopkeeper studies the photograph and glances toward the West Tower before shaking his head, Tony leans in, grips his wrist just hard enough to remove ambiguity, and points again. The man immediately gestures toward the sixth floor. Whether he means he saw Elliot there, believes Tony wants directions to the bridge, or simply wants to be rid of him is impossible to know, but Tony has always operated in worlds where certainty is rare and instinct matters. He takes the West Tower stairs. Elliot, meanwhile, moves into the East Tower’s rear maintenance corridor after noticing bundled data cable disappearing behind a locked utility door. The first room gives him nothing but pumps and breakers; the second contains cleaning supplies; the third holds an old workstation, a small digital video recorder and a consumer-grade router servicing the East Tower’s local security cameras. It is not a central command center, and that matters. The four towers were renovated at different times, and their surveillance systems are only loosely connected. Elliot can see the East lobby, a portion of the courtyard, two service doors and the east loading lane, but nothing inside the West or South Towers. The recorder’s admin credentials are weak enough to bypass quickly, yet mastery of one subnet does not magically grant him the complex. He has gained a narrow slit through which to look.
From the East Tower Elliot works outward. The maintenance workstation has a second network interface tied to the building-management system, and from cached device lists he discovers links to elevator controllers and door-access panels serving East and North. The elevator software is proprietary and clumsy. Elliot cannot command cars freely, but he can force the East elevator into service mode and trigger a fault condition in the North car that will leave it stopped at the nearest floor with the doors open. He cannot touch the West Tower elevator at all. This limitation frustrates him until he recognizes its tactical value: partial control is still control if Tony does not know where it begins and ends. By now Tony has climbed to the sixth floor of West, crossed the enclosed bridge into South after following another resident’s gesture, and descended again when the corridor proves unhelpful. The heat and vertical movement begin to tax him. His breathing is heavier, his shirt dark with sweat, and he curses when he reaches the South elevator only to discover that it is functioning normally while the adjacent stairwell is packed with residents carrying groceries. Elliot watches none of this directly. He reconstructs fragments from the courtyard cameras and the occasional glimpse of Tony entering or leaving monitored lobbies. What he learns is enough: Tony moves aggressively, trusts human reactions, and is willing to climb. Elliot decides to make him climb more.
The next hour becomes a contest between fragmented surveillance and criminal instinct. Elliot leaves the East maintenance room, crosses the sixth-floor bridge into North, and uses a second utility closet there to reach the North building-management segment. Now he can see the North lobby and a camera covering the upper bridge to West, but he still cannot follow Tony through residential floors. He begins creating friction rather than traps. A North elevator faults and opens on the eighth floor instead of completing its run. A service door at the base of the sixth-floor bridge locks briefly, forcing a cluster of residents into the stairwell. An alarm chirps in the North lobby, drawing attention and congestion. None of these actions would stop Tony by themselves, but together they make movement slower, hotter and less predictable. Tony, who has by then crossed from South into West at the podium and begun climbing again after another possible sighting, starts to sense interference without understanding its source. When he reaches the West sixth-floor landing and sees a camera above the bridge entrance, he stares into it for several seconds and raises a deliberate middle finger. Elliot sees the gesture from North because that particular bridge camera belongs to the newer shared system. The moment amuses him for less than a second before its significance lands: Tony may not understand the network, but he understands that somebody is watching. From that point, Tony becomes more careful about visible routes.
Tony’s adaptation is characteristically low-tech and effective. He stops using elevators entirely, begins taking unmonitored residential stairs, and moves through occupied corridors rather than clean service passages. He also arms himself along the way, first with a kitchen knife taken from an open apartment, later with a short-handled cleaver from a food stall beneath West Tower and a hammer from a repair kiosk near the courtyard. He does not need specialized weapons; he needs something lethal if the distance collapses. Elliot’s response is to maintain distance and exploit geography. From North he crosses the exposed tenth-floor bridge into West, then descends through residential stairs while Tony is climbing from below, missing him by several floors. Elliot glimpses Tony through the central stairwell opening before slipping onto the eighth floor and crossing back toward the courtyard-facing side. Tony sees only movement, but the glimpse is enough to turn caution into pursuit. Elliot runs along the West balcony, cuts through an occupied apartment whose startled residents shout behind him, and takes the sixth-floor bridge back into South. Tony follows too quickly. By the time he reaches the bridge, Elliot is already descending South’s rear fire stair into the podium. The younger man’s speed and Tony’s poor conditioning finally begin to matter. Tony reaches the market level breathing hard enough that he must stop beside a shuttered stall, pretending to examine Elliot’s photograph while recovering. From a South lobby camera that Elliot reaches through a badly secured wireless bridge, he sees the pause. The conclusion is obvious: Tony can be exhausted.
Elliot then makes the mistake of believing exhaustion will make Tony simpler. He starts shaping a longer route, allowing Tony occasional glimpses and then moving ahead through controlled spaces: from South podium into the central courtyard, from the courtyard toward East, then up East’s stairs where the elevator is deliberately left out of service. The plan is to keep Tony moving vertically while Elliot uses the service spine to cut laterally behind the towers. For nearly forty minutes it works. Tony arrives late to each point, hears residents arguing about the foreign young man who just passed, sees a door swinging where Elliot used it moments before, and keeps moving. Yet Tony has spent decades around people who weaponize assumptions, and anger does not eliminate his capacity for calculation. Near the East market entrance he notices a courtyard camera mounted above a pillar and realizes that Elliot has repeatedly seemed to know when he changes direction. Instead of continuing the chase, Tony sits beneath the camera at a plastic table, drinks a bottle of water he takes from a nearby refrigerator over the proprietor’s furious objections, and waits. Elliot, watching from the East maintenance room, interprets the pause as fatigue. Tony waits nearly fifteen minutes, then stands, walks conspicuously toward the East lobby, enters the stairwell, climbs one flight and immediately doubles back through an unmonitored residential corridor into the rear service spine. Elliot loses him completely. The sudden absence is more frightening than anything Tony has done while visible.
Blindness drives Elliot back toward the technology, and that becomes the hinge of the match. He cycles through the East, North and shared courtyard cameras without finding Tony, checks the service-lane feeds, rewinds the last several minutes, and eventually understands that Tony used the camera itself as bait. By then Tony has begun solving a different problem. He no longer searches primarily for Elliot; he searches for where Elliot has to go in order to keep seeing him. He points residents not only toward Elliot’s photograph but toward cameras, utility doors and maintenance signs. The gestures are crude, yet the physical infrastructure of the complex is easier to communicate than a complicated question. A young maintenance worker near the South loading lane understands enough to point Tony toward the rear service spine, where many of the building-control rooms sit behind numbered steel doors. Tony enters quietly. Elliot, unaware that the nature of the search has changed, returns to the East maintenance room because he needs information and hears voices outside before he finishes reviewing the feeds. One belongs to a resident. The other, deeper and unmistakably American, belongs to Tony. Elliot kills the monitor and looks around. The room has only the corridor door and a narrow cable-access hatch opening into the service spine. He chooses the hatch. By the time Tony forces the main door, Elliot is crawling through dust and cable trays toward a utility alcove thirty feet away. Tony finds the open hatch, stares at it for a moment and laughs, not because anything is funny, but because at last the contest has acquired a shape he understands.
After that, the balance changes. Elliot still has superior knowledge of the scattered systems, but using them now requires returning to rooms Tony knows to search. He abandons the maintenance network and begins moving through the inhabited complex by observation alone. In this field he is capable but no longer exceptional. Tony, on the other hand, becomes more dangerous as the abstract problem shrinks into people and rooms. On the eleventh floor of North Tower, a group of teenagers go abruptly quiet when he appears, and Tony follows the direction of their eyes rather than asking anything. He catches sight of Elliot entering the exposed tenth-floor bridge toward West. The distance is perhaps sixty yards. Tony runs. Elliot hears him and crosses the bridge faster, reaches West, and starts downward through the central stairwell. The younger man gains ground on every flight. By the eighth floor Tony is breathing raggedly and leaning on the rail during turns, but he keeps descending because now he knows where Elliot is. Elliot reaches the sixth-floor landing and discovers that a family carrying boxes has filled the stair below. Rather than force through them, he exits onto the sixth floor, intending to use the enclosed bridge back toward South. Tony reaches the landing above in time to see the door close. The chase moves horizontally again.
The sixth-floor West-to-South bridge is enclosed in concrete and glass and approximately seventy feet long, with no intermediate exit. Elliot is halfway across when he realizes Tony has entered behind him. He does not continue to South. Instead he kicks open a maintenance door near the bridge’s far end and slips into a narrow conduit corridor running behind the South Tower’s sixth-floor apartments. Tony follows, but the space becomes increasingly constricted, full of pipes, stored furniture and old renovation debris. Elliot knocks over a shelving rack behind him, forcing Tony to climb through it. Farther on he kills a local lighting breaker, plunging the passage into darkness except for dim spill from apartment vents. This is the sort of environment in which Elliot’s mind regains traction. Tony cannot see well, cannot move quickly, and is breathing too hard to conceal his position. Elliot takes a length of metal conduit from a pile of renovation materials and waits around a bend. When Tony appears, Elliot strikes him across the forearm before retreating deeper into the passage. Tony curses but does not charge blindly. He slows, listening. The pursuit becomes quieter. Elliot knows he has finally found terrain where his speed, awareness and improvisation might overcome the difference in physical power.
The corridor ends in an unfinished apartment at the southern edge of the tower, one of several units left open during renovation. Its exterior wall is incomplete above waist height, looking across a narrow gap toward the East Tower, but there is no bridge and no second exit. Elliot realizes this one room too late. Tony appears in the doorway several seconds later, exhausted but cautious. Elliot has the conduit. Tony still has the cleaver, though his injured forearm hangs stiffly. For the first time, Elliot has created something close to an even contest. He keeps a support column between them and uses the conduit’s reach, striking Tony once across the shoulder and again along the forearm when Tony attempts to close. Tony backs off. Elliot, seeing him hurt and breathing hard, begins to believe he can finish it. That belief becomes his mistake. He swings a third time with more commitment. Tony takes part of the blow on his shoulder, steps inside the arc and grabs the conduit with both hands. Elliot releases it immediately rather than be pulled forward, but Tony is already close enough to seize his shirt. The entire architecture of the fight collapses in that instant. Cameras, elevators, bridges, maintenance networks, crowds, routes and exhaustion cease to matter because the two men are now within arm’s reach.
Elliot does not fold easily. He claws Tony across the face, drives a knee into his thigh and nearly slips past him toward the door. Tony catches him by the back of the shirt and slams him against the unfinished concrete wall, but Elliot twists free before the second impact and runs. Tony’s foot slips in construction dust, and for one brief moment Elliot has a clear path out. Tony lunges and catches his ankle. Elliot crashes onto the floor, kicks backward hard enough to strike Tony in the face, and crawls toward the corridor while the cleaver skids away beneath a stack of drywall. For a second the loss of the weapon seems decisive. Tony, however, reaches the conduit instead. He rises slowly, his breath rasping, and swings as Elliot turns. The first blow catches Elliot across the shoulder and drives him sideways. The second knocks him down. What follows is not elegant and does not need to be. Elliot’s entire strategy had depended upon keeping the problem large enough that Tony’s physical advantages could not settle it. He nearly succeeded. He had fragmented Tony’s information, manipulated the building around him, exploited his conditioning and kept him moving across four towers for hours. What he could not prevent forever was the reduction of the contest from a city of concrete into a room.
Tony stands over him for several seconds before the end, not triumphant so much as furious and exhausted, one eye swelling where Elliot struck him and blood running from a cut along his cheek. If anyone were later able to reconstruct the pursuit, Elliot’s performance would look remarkable: beginning in East Tower, building partial access to the complex’s fractured surveillance and building-management systems, using the sixth- and tenth-floor bridges to stay ahead of a physically superior opponent, turning elevators and doors into friction, then nearly exhausting Tony before losing control of the pursuit in the South Tower’s unfinished level. Yet the very geography that enabled Elliot to survive eventually betrayed him by narrowing. Tony could be delayed by systems he did not understand, misdirected by routes he could not predict, and almost defeated by terrain he hated, but once the hunt ceased to be about systems and became a question of who could survive a violent encounter in close quarters, the balance shifted irreversibly.
That was the problem Elliot had spent the entire match solving, and in the end he ran out of building before Tony ran out of violence.
Winner: TONY SOPRANO Eliminated: ELLIOT ALDERSON
FINAL MATCH: NIKKI SWANGO VS TONY SOPRANO
Location: The Forest Decider
The enclosed forest is almost exactly one square mile, though neither Nikki Swango nor Tony Soprano is given any way of knowing its dimensions beyond what they have been told. A rocky ridge occupies most of the western third, rising sharply above a shallow central valley through which a creek runs north before widening into a marshy pond near the eastern boundary. Three hunting structures are scattered through the enclosure: a small cabin high on the northwest ridge, a larger lodge near the center where the creek bends through a stand of hemlock, and a weathered hunting shack overlooking the pond in the southeast. Animal trails connect some of them indirectly, but there are no marked paths, and from most places the forest closes sightlines within fifty or sixty yards. The perimeter fence is visible only from nearby, its steel mesh rising above coils of razor wire and carrying enough current to make experimentation pointless. Nikki enters from the eastern edge near the pond and Tony from the western boundary below the ridge, each carrying nothing but ordinary clothes and the photograph of the other. Neither possesses meaningful wilderness expertise, which makes the arena unusually honest: Tony has been stripped of soldiers, informants, vehicles and a criminal ecosystem he instinctively understands, while Nikki has lost the crowds, conversations and social structures she normally converts into information.
Tony's first instinct is toward elevation. He does not know that the ridge contains a cabin, but he understands high ground, visibility and the basic logic that any purpose-built hunting preserve is likely to contain shelter somewhere useful. The climb begins punishing him almost immediately. Wet leaves shift underfoot, loose stone rolls beneath his shoes, and within fifteen minutes his breathing has become heavy enough that he pauses beside a fallen oak and pretends to study the surrounding woods while recovering. Nikki begins almost oppositely. She follows the pond only long enough to establish the creek's direction and then moves upstream at a distance, keeping the sound of running water to one side as a crude compass rather than walking directly along the bank and leaving an obvious trail. She knows from Tony's photograph that he is older, much larger and almost certainly stronger, and she assumes until proven otherwise that close contact is exactly what she should avoid. Where Tony immediately seeks something that will let him dominate the encounter, Nikki seeks information that will let her postpone having one.
Tony reaches the ridge cabin first and finds almost everything he could reasonably hope for: food, drinking water, binoculars, rope, an axe, a hunting knife, basic medical supplies and a bolt-action rifle with ammunition. A rough wall map shows the western ridge, the central lodge, the creek below and several game trails, allowing him to convert the featureless woods into geography. His confidence rises almost visibly once the rifle is in his hands. Tony has never been an outdoorsman, but he is comfortable around firearms and has spent much of his adult life understanding what it means to wait somewhere armed for another dangerous person. For several minutes he considers remaining in the cabin and forcing Nikki to come to him, then rejects the thought because she may never do so and because passivity has always sat poorly with him. He takes the map, food, water and binoculars and begins moving east toward the central valley, already possessing the superior long-range weapon but paying for every mile of movement with energy he cannot recover as quickly as Nikki can.
Nikki reaches the central lodge nearly an hour later and spends several minutes watching it from uphill before she approaches. Inside she finds supplies comparable to Tony's, including a pump shotgun and shells, and immediately understands both the value and limitation of what she has been given. At close range the shotgun radically changes the balance between them; across open woodland against Tony's rifle it does not. The local map shows the creek, the pond and the eastern slope but only part of the western terrain, suggesting that the lodges together contain overlapping fragments rather than one complete map. Nikki takes food, water, binoculars and the shotgun, then leaves the door standing open behind her. It is a tiny choice whose purpose is less to mislead Tony in any specific direction than to make him wonder whether it was a choice at all. She moves uphill east of the creek and eventually finds a vantage from which the lodge can be observed through breaks in the trees, and when Tony arrives later from the northwest she sees him before he sees her. The rifle is the first thing she notices, followed by the way he carries it: not expertly, perhaps, but with enough familiarity that she immediately abandons any idea of challenging him at distance.
Tony searches the lodge and correctly concludes that Nikki has already been there. A missing water bottle, the open shotgun cabinet and the disturbed supplies tell him more than the open door, which irritates him precisely because its meaning is unknowable. He searches the surrounding ground for tracks, finds too many overlapping impressions to trust himself, and eventually moves downstream toward the pond because it is the most obvious destination shown on the lodge map. Nikki does not follow. Instead she watches long enough to see that Tony moves confidently but inefficiently, crossing ground faster than she would while stopping more often, particularly after climbs. Over the next several hours that difference grows increasingly important. Tony travels from the central lodge to the pond shack and then begins working back toward the valley, assembling a better mental map but accumulating fatigue with each transition, while Nikki covers less ground and spends more time observing bottlenecks, creek crossings, slopes and approaches to the lodges. She is no better a tracker than Tony and occasionally misreads deer paths or wastes time on terrain that leads nowhere, but she is willing to spend an hour accomplishing apparently nothing if the alternative is giving him a shot.
Their first near-contact comes late in the afternoon at a shallow creek crossing south of the central lodge. Nikki sees Tony first because he must step onto an open stretch of pale stone, while she lies behind a fallen log farther uphill with the shotgun useless at that distance. Tony pauses in the open and scans the woods with the rifle, slowly enough that Nikki becomes convinced for several seconds that he has seen her. He has not. He drinks, crosses and continues toward the lodge, while Nikki remains motionless for nearly ten minutes after he disappears. The encounter confirms the central problem of the match: Tony's rifle makes any accidental sighting potentially decisive, while Nikki's weapon becomes meaningful only if she can arrange the distance herself. When darkness falls, Tony takes the central lodge and waits inside with the lights extinguished, reducing the wilderness to a door, a window and fields of fire he can understand. Nikki reaches the vicinity, sees the door she had left open now closed, and chooses a miserable night outdoors rather than challenge him in the one environment he has successfully simplified.
By dawn Tony has slept poorly and grown increasingly frustrated by an opponent who refuses to materialize. He strips much of the food and water from the lodge and begins climbing back toward the northwest ridge, intending to hold the higher cabin and force Nikki eventually to come either to shelter or resources. The plan would be stronger if reaching the ridge did not require another long ascent. Nikki, watching from east of the creek, sees him stop twice on the climb and finally allows herself to treat his conditioning as more than an incidental weakness. She returns to the lodge after he is gone, finds a western map Tony inadvertently left beneath a bunk, and learns of the gentler northern saddle that reaches the same ridge by a longer route. Rather than chase him uphill, she circles north, reaches the ridge from the rear and eventually locates the cabin when a brief thread of stove smoke rises through the trees. For almost an hour she closes the distance only while Tony is indoors, using terrain rather than stealth training to mask her approach, until she is perhaps forty yards northwest of the structure behind a fallen trunk.
Chance nearly destroys the plan when a deer explodes from cover behind Nikki and crashes through the brush. Tony emerges with the rifle raised and walks several yards in her direction, stopping close enough that Nikki can hear him breathing when the wind falls. She remains pressed into the earth while he scans the woods, and when the deer continues away he finally turns back toward the cabin. Nikki fires before he reaches the door. At that distance the brush and Tony's turning body prevent the shotgun from delivering its full force, but the blast catches his shoulder and upper side and drops him beside the cabin. Tony recovers with frightening speed, reaches the rifle from the ground and fires as Nikki advances, forcing her downslope when a shot tears into the fallen tree behind her. She does not attempt to finish him. That refusal matters more than the wound itself. Tony retreats inside expecting her to close; Nikki instead leaves, understanding that a bleeding man with a rifle inside a one-door cabin is still more dangerous than a bleeding man forced eventually to move through miles of uneven country.
From that moment Tony's situation begins worsening in ways that no single act can reverse. The wound is not immediately fatal, and he manages to clean and dress it with the cabin's medical supplies, but his left arm becomes stiff, the bandage gradually darkens, and every steep descent jars the injury. Remaining in the cabin would preserve strength but surrender initiative to Nikki, who now knows his exact position and can wait far longer than he is comfortable allowing. Leaving means accepting the very contest she has chosen for him. Tony leaves. Nikki, having circled north and then east rather than following directly, reacquires him only intermittently, but once she sees the way he keeps his wounded arm close and how frequently he stops, she no longer tries to predict his destination. She simply remains behind him and refuses contact. Tony scans backward with the rifle, doubles back twice and once fires at movement in the trees that proves meaningless, each defensive action consuming more of the energy Nikki has decided is now his most limited resource. By the time he reaches the central valley, he is no longer hunting her in any meaningful sense; he is trying to reach the lodge while preventing her from choosing the moment when he must fight.
The creek corridor south of the lodge narrows between a steep wooded bank on the west and marshy ground on the east, forcing movement along a shelf of relatively open earth. Tony recognizes the danger before stepping into it and remains at the northern end for several minutes, scanning with the rifle and listening. Nikki lies behind a moss-covered log roughly sixty yards back, where the shotgun still gives her no good shot, and does nothing to hurry him. Tony eventually crosses because remaining stationary solves nothing. Halfway along the shelf his injured side seizes when he steps badly over a rock, and although the hesitation lasts no more than a second, Nikki sees him bend, catch himself and continue with a gait that has lost much of its earlier certainty. She begins closing the distance only then, moving under cover and stopping whenever he turns. Tony hears something behind him after perhaps thirty yards and pivots, and for the first time they see one another almost simultaneously. His rifle rises as Nikki brings up the shotgun; both fire, but Tony's exhaustion, pain and hurried turn spoil his shot while Nikki's blast strikes him hard enough to drive him sideways off the shelf. He loses the rifle during the fall and slides several feet down the muddy bank before catching against an exposed root.
Nikki approaches only until she can see him clearly and then stops well outside grabbing distance. Tony is wounded twice, exhausted from two days of movement, separated from his rifle and below her on a steep muddy bank, yet none of those facts make him safe to approach. He plants one hand against the earth and tries to climb, managing several feet before his injured side fails him and he slides back. His fury remains intact even as everything else is disappearing. Looking from Nikki to the shotgun, he manages to ask whether she intends to stand there all day, the contempt in his voice surviving circumstances that have stripped away nearly every practical advantage he once possessed. For most of the match Tony had been waiting for the contest to contract into the kind of immediate violence in which size, nerve and experience could overwhelm Nikki's cleverness. It finally has, but only after Nikki has spent nearly two days making sure that when it happened Tony would arrive at that moment depleted, wounded, downhill, unarmed and unable to close the distance himself.
He makes one final attempt to rush the bank. Nikki does not move closer to meet him, does not answer the provocation and does not allow the confrontation to become more complicated than it needs to be. She fires from where she stands. The sound rolls through the valley and gradually disappears among the trees, leaving only the creek and the restless leaves. Nikki remains with the shotgun raised for a long while afterward because the forest has taught her too thoroughly to trust stillness simply because she wishes the fight finished. Only when she is certain does she lower the weapon and sit several yards away, suddenly exhausted enough that her legs seem no more reliable than Tony's had been. She has not defeated him by becoming the better fighter or marksman, nor by acquiring some wilderness expertise she never possessed. She won because she recognized earlier than Tony did what kind of contest the forest could become and then refused, almost stubbornly, to allow it to become anything else.
Tony had remained more dangerous than Nikki whenever violence was immediate. Had he caught her at the creek on the first afternoon, found her approaching the cabin, or closed on her after the first shotgun blast, the match might have ended very differently. Nikki's advantage was not that she could survive those encounters reliably, but that she understood she did not have to offer them. Once Tony was wounded, every mile became worse for him and better for her, every climb widened the difference in endurance, every attempt to search behind himself consumed strength, and every hour spent trying to force contact made the eventual contact less favorable. By the final minutes there was no single mistake Tony could correct to restore the original balance. The defeat had been assembling around him for hours.
Winner: NIKKI SWANGO
____________________
Wow this ran longer than I thought, but I think it was worth it.
Moving Forward: Dexter Morgan and Nikki Swango
Eliminated: Elliot Alderson and Tony Soprano
Elliot relies on anonymity and tech integration, Tony relies on having loyal soldiers at his disposal. Deprived of their strengths, neither could survive the competition. On the flipside, Dexter Morgan and Nikki Swango are both proper hunters, albeit transformed into that state from their relative trauma. Dexter's was almost natal, while Nikki's was very much conscious. Certainly two strong contenders moving forward.
from Noelle
I find anxiety to be extremely fascinating. On the days where I’m riddled and my entire body and soul are suffering; I tend to be alright with the fact that I don’t do anything. The anxiety itself is the activity. I sit and I bundle up and I imagine all the possible ways that I could die in that very moment. Impending death seems to be a common thought. But sometimes I get a day all to myself. No voice in the back of mind saying nasty things. No strange inexplicable (completely explicable) feelings in my body. Yet now there’s something else to be worried about. What do I like. Before I became a trembling anxious mess I had hobbies, friends, passions. I was always out and about and happy to be. I would read from dusk till dawn and play so many games with my friends. Dating made me happy too, mostly to go out and meet new people, and the prospect of a paid dinner was an added bonus. But now I can’t help but feel very very sorry for myself. One would think that it’s a blessing to have a day off from anxiety. I used to for sure. Recently I’ve found myself making lists of things I want to do, to read, to watch. It’s as if I have to remind myself that I do actually enjoy things. Writing this was struggle enough. “Oh, come on! It’s completely normal to forget about things you like, you’re just overwhelmed.” Mmmm I wouldn’t say so. I am always and completely underwhelmed. Games aren’t fun, movies and shows are boring, and a good book doesn’t even exist on this terrestrial plane. I have been reborn into my own universe where everything, and everyone, is pointless, useless and stupid. It’s not depression or anything like that. I know that if I tried a bit harder, I could get back to myself. You know I just have to meditate, and journal, and read ‘The law of Attraction’. And keep to myself and never say anything bad for I have the power to manifest it. And I wouldn’t even have to try that hard! The power to create is real and when I think too hard about something bad it could very well happen, so being cautious is best. Anything I could ever want is right in front of me. Soooo close. I just have to get out of this slump. Be better be better, Oh! And do more as well. I think people forget about that part. Never ever ever forget that by sitting around and wallowing you are pretty much giving up on any life you may have been able to have. Speaking of which, there are 5 games on my ‘To play’ list right now. I just need to get off my ass and play them. Two of the games are The Legend of Zelda. I wonder why two of the games that I want to play are from the same series. It is not because I like that series. I only like my boyfriend and I only like sitting on my couch and I reeeaally like staring at my phone for 7 hours a day. I can read this and feel sad for myself, but what does it take to push yourself towards bigger and better things? When I talk to them about it, I feel so annoying. I’m annoying myself right now to be honest.
from Noelle
MMM first time. Kinda nervous
from raikoustore
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