A few weeks ago, a friend asked my wife and I and a few other friends to act for a video sketch project. The friend provided food and hospitality and we all had a great time. My older son played with a couple other kids while my wife and I took turns holding the younger one. It’s always nice to get out of the house.

When it comes to speaking, my speech is monotone and soft. That’s why you’ll never hear me give a public speech, sing karaoke, or act in a film. I’m a better writer than a speaker. And even that’s questionable.

Maybe if I played in some sort of acting role, I’ll be in a silent slapstick comedy. As long as the pay is good.

#acting #dramaclub #friends #highschool

“You can do anything.” Said to me not as a generic affirmation, but to remind me: I am better than others.

“You’re so well behaved.” Another mark. Those other kids? They cause trouble and get bad grades. I’m better than them.

Skip two grades. A, A, A, B, A. The B is a failure. I’m better than this. I can’t let that happen again.

“You’re worth nothing.” The other message. “Pride cometh before the fall.” Don’t be prideful. “Pride is the first sin.” Don’t sin. “You can’t not sin.” I sinned. “You are dirty, unlovable, repulsive to God.” I am filthy. “Never forget that you deserve hell.” I won’t.

Quick! Hide my pride, before they see. I am worth nothing, I can’t forget that. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am better than everyone else. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am better than everyone else. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am better than everyone else. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am better than everyone else. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am better than everyone else. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing. I am worth nothing.

Ana whispers in my ear. “You are special.” The first kind voice in my head in years. The relief is overwhelming. I’m worth something! “You are better than them.” Aren’t I?

Don’t forget, I am worth nothing.

I am worth everything. Nothing. Everything. Nothing.

Never something. Everything or nothing, pick one. I can’t.

My psyche picks, and Ana offers relief. Ana picks, and it feels disgusting. Pride feels so gross. Back to my psyche.

Pride remains. Suppressed or dominant, I can’t escape it.

Our Father Who art in Heaven Hallowed be Thy name Thy Kingdom come Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven Give us this day our daily Bread And forgive us our trespasses As we forgive those who trespass against us And lead us not into temptation But deliver us from evil

Amen

Jesus is Lord! Come Lord Jesus!

Come Lord Jesus! Christ is Lord!

There are moments in life when your own mind can start to feel like a hard place to live in. You may still be doing normal things. You may still be answering people, going to work, making dinner, taking care of what needs to be done, and trying to act like you are okay. But inside, something feels loud. Your thoughts feel crowded. They move too fast. They do not settle down the way you want them to. They seem to slip out of your hands the harder you try to hold them. Then, right behind that struggle, another voice often shows up. That voice does not help. It does not calm you down. It does not lead you toward peace. It starts judging you. It tells you that you should be stronger than this. It tells you that you should be steadier than this. It tells you that if your faith were real enough, you would not be dealing with this. For many people, that second voice hurts just as much as the first battle, and sometimes even more. The thoughts are hard enough, but the shame that comes after them can make the whole thing feel twice as heavy.

A lot of people know exactly what that feels like, even if they have never said it out loud. They know what it is like to have a hard moment and then feel ashamed for even having the hard moment. They know what it is like to struggle inside and then hear that inner voice saying that they should be better than this by now. They know what it is like to not only fight fear, but to also fight the thought that fear itself means something is wrong with them. That is where so many people begin to suffer in silence. They are not only carrying the struggle itself. They are carrying the meaning they have attached to it. They start believing that if their thoughts feel hard to manage, then they must be weak. If they feel shaken, then they must be failing. If they cannot calm themselves down fast enough, then maybe they are not as close to God as they thought. That kind of thinking can wear a soul out. It can make every hard day feel like a spiritual crisis. It can make every moment of inner pressure feel like a verdict.

But that is not how Jesus speaks to people. That is not how the heart of God meets the weary. That is not what the gospel sounds like. The gospel does not say that God only stays close when your mind feels peaceful. It does not say that grace is only for people who never get overwhelmed. It does not say that real believers never feel mentally tired, emotionally strained, or inwardly shaken. The gospel says that Jesus came for the weary. He came for the burdened. He came for people who know what it feels like to carry too much. He came for people who are tired of being tired. He came for people who have cried, doubted, trembled, feared, and wondered if they would ever feel steady again. He did not wait until people looked calm enough to deserve His care. He moved toward them while they were still in pain.

That is why the words of Jesus matter so much here. He said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” He did not say, “Come to me once you have cleaned up your thoughts.” He did not say, “Come to me once you can prove that you are stronger than this.” He did not say, “Come to me after you stop feeling overwhelmed.” He said come weary. Come burdened. Come carrying what feels too heavy. That changes everything, because it means the hard moment is not the moment you are least welcome. It may actually be the moment that fits His invitation most clearly.

Many people still struggle to believe that. They have spent so much time thinking that strength is what makes them valuable. They have spent so much time trying to hold themselves together that they do not know what to do when their own mind starts feeling hard to manage. They do not just feel fear. They feel embarrassed. They do not just feel tired. They feel ashamed of being tired. They do not just feel pressure. They feel guilty that the pressure has affected them at all. It is one thing to feel pain. It is another thing to decide that pain means you are failing God. That is where shame starts to do its worst work.

The Bible gives us a much more honest picture of life with God than many people expect. It does not show us a world full of people who always felt strong. It does not give us a line of polished saints who never shook. It gives us David crying out from deep pain. It gives us Elijah collapsing under exhaustion. It gives us Job speaking from sorrow and confusion. It gives us Paul talking openly about weakness and about the need for grace. These were not shallow people. These were not faithless people. These were people who knew God and still had seasons where life felt heavy. Their struggle did not prove that God had left them. Their struggle proved that they were human beings who still needed Him.

That should be a deep comfort to anyone who has felt scared by their own inner life. You are not some strange exception because your mind has felt loud. You are not broken beyond hope because your thoughts have felt hard to hold. You are not outside the love of God because you have had moments where you felt mentally worn down. You are human. You are living in a hard world. You are carrying things that may be heavier than people around you can see. That does not mean your faith is fake. It means your faith is being lived out in the kind of world where people get tired and need grace.

One of the hardest lies to break is the lie that says if you were stronger, this would not be happening. That thought sounds wise at first. It sounds like responsibility. It sounds like discipline. But most of the time, it only leads to shame. It tells you that your struggle is proof of weakness. It tells you that your pain is proof of spiritual failure. It tells you that if you were really growing, you would not still be dealing with this. But that voice rarely leads people closer to Jesus. It leads them into hiding. It makes them afraid to be honest. It makes them feel like they have to act okay even when they are not. It teaches them to perform strength instead of receive mercy.

Jesus never taught people to perform for Him in their pain. He invited them to come. He did not tell the weary to look less weary before approaching Him. He did not tell the burdened to first become more impressive. He welcomed them in their need. That matters because so many people still think they need to fix themselves up emotionally before they can come close to God. They think they need to sound strong when they pray. They think they need to feel calm before they open Scripture. They think they need to stop being messy before they can be fully honest. But if that were true, many of us would never come near Him at all.

The truth is that honest weakness often brings a person closer to God than fake strength ever could. Honest weakness says, “Lord, I need You.” Honest weakness says, “I do not know how to carry this right now.” Honest weakness says, “My thoughts feel loud, and I need Your peace.” Those are not weak prayers in the wrong sense. Those are prayers of dependence. Those are the kinds of prayers that come from a real heart. God is not looking for a performance. He is looking for truth. He already knows what is happening inside you. You are not shocking Him with your struggle. You are not informing Him of something He did not notice. Prayer is not about hiding your humanity from God. Prayer is about bringing your humanity into His presence.

That is one reason the Psalms are so powerful. They are full of real prayers from real people. They are full of cries, questions, fears, grief, and longing. They are not polished in the way many people think prayer has to be. They sound like life. They sound like people who are being honest with God about what is happening inside them. “How long, O Lord?” “Hear my cry.” “Why are you cast down, O my soul?” “Out of the depths I cry to You.” Those lines matter because they show us that God makes room for honesty. He is not asking you to clean up the emotion before you come to Him. He is asking you to come.

Some people need to hear this in very plain words. You do not need to be ashamed of needing help. You do not need to be ashamed of having a hard day. You do not need to be ashamed that your thoughts have felt louder than usual. You do not need to be ashamed that you are not always calm. You do not need to be ashamed that life has affected you. That does not mean every feeling should lead you. It does not mean truth stops mattering. It means being human is not a scandal before God. He already knows what it is like to deal with weakness, because Jesus stepped into human life. He knew sorrow. He knew anguish. He knew what it was to be pressed. He understands more than you think He does.

Think about Elijah again. Elijah had seen the power of God in incredible ways. He had stood in bold faith. He had done things most people would call strong. And yet he came to a place where he was worn out and afraid. He ran into the wilderness and asked God to let him die. That is not a polished moment. That is not a shining public testimony. That is a real human being at the end of himself. And what does God do? He does not shame him. He does not stand over him and say, “You should be stronger than this.” He lets him sleep. He gives him food. He cares for him. Only then does He begin speaking into the deeper things. That story tells us something very important. God knows how to deal gently with a tired soul. He knows how to care for a person who has reached their limit.

A lot of people need to stop and think about that. They are speaking to themselves with a harshness that God is not using. They are treating themselves in a way their Shepherd is not treating them. They are calling themselves weak, unstable, and disappointing when God may simply see that they are tired, wounded, and in need of rest. There is a huge difference between those two ways of seeing a hard season. One crushes you. The other opens the door to healing.

This is one reason shame is so dangerous. Shame does not know how to heal anyone. Shame only knows how to push, accuse, and isolate. Shame tells you to hide. Shame tells you that if people knew how hard this was for you, they would think less of you. Shame tells you that God must be tired of hearing you ask for help with the same thing. Shame says you should have been over this by now. Shame says your struggle is your identity. But shame is a liar. It may be loud, but loud is not the same as true. It may feel serious, but serious is not the same as holy. The voice of shame is not the voice of your Savior.

Your Savior sounds different. He says, “Come to me.” He says, “Do not be afraid.” He says, “Take heart.” He says, “My peace I give you.” He says, “There is no condemnation.” He says, “Cast your cares on Me because I care for you.” He says, “My grace is sufficient for you.” Those words are not decorations for easy days. They are lifelines for hard ones. They are meant for the moments when your mind feels loud. They are meant for the moments when the accusing voice tries to tell you that your struggle says something final about you. They are meant to pull you back into truth when fear and shame are trying to drag you away from it.

That truth matters because your thoughts are not always telling the whole story. Your feelings are real, but they are not always the deepest reality. A person can feel abandoned and still be held by God. A person can feel weak and still be deeply loved. A person can feel like they are slipping and still be safe in Christ. That does not make feelings fake. It just means feelings are not the only thing speaking. The problem comes when pain becomes the only voice in the room. Then pain starts explaining everything. Then fear starts acting like it is in charge. Then shame starts preaching as if it were telling the truth about your life.

But pain is not the whole story. Fear is not the whole story. Shame is not the whole story. God is still in the story. His character is still steady when your mind feels noisy. His love is still steady when your feelings rise and fall. His presence is still steady when you are too tired to feel strong. That is where many people have to learn to stand. Not on the changing state of their emotions, but on the unchanging truth of who God is.

That kind of standing often begins with something very simple. It begins with not agreeing with every thought that enters your mind. It begins with learning that not every thought deserves your trust. Just because something shows up in your head does not mean it gets to define you. Just because fear says something loudly does not mean that thing becomes true. Just because shame makes a strong argument does not mean it has authority. Thoughts can be loud without being right. Feelings can be strong without being final. That is one of the most important things a believer can learn.

It also means you can answer back. You can begin to say, “This is a hard moment, but it is not my whole story.” You can say, “My mind feels loud, but God is still near.” You can say, “I feel weak, but weakness is not the same as failure.” You can say, “I do not need to shame myself in order to heal.” These are not just nice lines. They are ways of bringing your inner world back under truth. They are ways of refusing to let the voice of shame have the final word. Sometimes peace begins there, not with one giant emotional breakthrough, but with small true words repeated in the middle of real struggle.

Many people overlook that because they think real growth must always feel dramatic. But a lot of growth is quiet. A lot of healing happens under the surface. It happens when a person stops attacking themselves for being human. It happens when they stop treating every hard season like proof of failure. It happens when they begin to see that God is kinder than the voice they have been listening to. It happens when they stop measuring their worth by how calm they feel at any given moment. That is deep change, even when it does not look flashy.

This is especially important for people who are used to being the strong one. Some people have built their whole identity around being dependable, calm, and helpful. They are the one others lean on. They are the one who keeps things together. So when their own mind starts feeling hard to manage, it can scare them in a very deep way. It feels humiliating. It feels like they are becoming someone they never wanted to be. But needing help does not erase your strength. Needing support does not make you less mature. Needing prayer does not make you less spiritual. It means you are human, and that is exactly the kind of person grace was made for.

That is where I want to leave this first part. If your thoughts have felt hard to manage, and if there has been another voice right behind them telling you that you should be stronger than this, steadier than this, more faithful than this, do not assume that voice speaks for God. Hold it up next to Jesus. Hold it up next to the way He treated the weary, the afraid, the burdened, and the broken. You will find that shame sounds nothing like your Shepherd. Your Shepherd calls you near. Your Shepherd tells the burdened to come. Your Shepherd does not turn your struggle into your identity. He reminds you that even here, even now, you are still loved, still seen, and still His.

When a person begins to see that, something starts to change inside. The struggle may still be there. The thoughts may still feel loud at times. The fear may still try to rise. But now the person is not facing it in the same way. Now they are starting to understand that the voice behind the fear is not the voice of God. That matters more than many people realize, because if you mistake shame for wisdom, you will keep following a guide that only leads you deeper into exhaustion. But once you begin to see shame for what it is, it starts losing some of its power. It may still speak, but it no longer sounds like truth in the same way. It starts sounding like what it has always been. A cruel voice trying to make your weakness mean more than it really does.

A lot of people have never stopped to ask what shame is actually producing in their lives. They just assume that because it sounds serious, it must be helping. They think that if they stay hard on themselves, they will become stronger. They think that if they keep pressuring themselves, they will stop slipping. They think that if they keep telling themselves they should be better, they will finally become better. But shame does not make a soul whole. It makes a soul tired. It may keep you moving for a while, but it does not bring peace. It may make you perform strength for a season, but it does not restore your heart. It may make you look composed in front of others, but it does not teach your inner life how to rest in God.

That is why grace is so different. Grace does not stand over your struggle and say, “What is wrong with you.” Grace says, “You are hurting, and I am here.” Grace does not say, “This proves you are failing.” Grace says, “This is hard, but it is not the end of your story.” Grace does not say, “Hide until you improve.” Grace says, “Come near so healing can begin.” Some people hear grace and think it means lowering the standard. But that is not what grace does. Grace tells the truth. Grace just refuses to use the truth like a weapon. Grace tells you what is real without crushing you under it. It tells you that yes, life has affected you, yes, your mind feels loud, yes, this season has been hard, but none of that means you are beyond the reach of God.

That changes the way a person reads their hard days. A hard day no longer has to become proof that God is far away. A loud mind no longer has to mean your faith is broken. A season of pressure no longer has to mean your identity is falling apart. It can simply mean that you are under strain and need the presence of God more deeply in that moment. This is such a different way to live. It takes a hard thing and places it inside a larger truth instead of letting the hard thing become the whole truth. The larger truth is that Christ is still near. The larger truth is that grace is still enough. The larger truth is that you are still loved even while you are struggling.

That is what people often miss when their thoughts feel hard to manage. They begin to think that because the struggle feels big, it must be the biggest thing. But your struggle is not the biggest thing. God is still bigger. His faithfulness is still bigger. His mercy is still bigger. His presence is still bigger. Your feelings matter. Your pain matters. Your fear matters. But none of those things are greater than the Lord who holds you. That does not make your battle fake. It just means your battle is not ultimate. It means it is happening inside a reality where God is still God.

That truth matters because the enemy loves to make a moment feel final. He loves to take today’s fear and make it sound like tomorrow’s identity. He wants one hard season to become the way you see yourself forever. He wants you to start saying things like, “This is just who I am now. I am unstable. I am weak. I am a mess. I am never going to get past this.” But the enemy always tries to turn passing battles into permanent names. God does not do that. God does not take the hardest hour of your life and say that hour now tells the whole story. God sees the whole picture. He sees what you have carried. He sees what you have survived. He sees what you have not even had words for. He sees the prayers you barely knew how to pray. And still, He calls you His.

That word matters. His. Not because it sounds religious. Because it means something steady in a world where so much can feel unstable. It means your value is not rising and falling with your emotional weather. It means your worth is not being decided by how calm your thoughts were today. It means your identity is not in the hands of your loudest fear. It means you belong to Someone stronger than the storm inside you. That belonging is not weak. That belonging is your anchor.

And when you start living from that place, you begin to answer the old voice differently. You stop just bowing your head every time shame says you should be stronger than this. You stop treating that sentence like gospel truth. You start testing it. You start asking, “Does this sound like Jesus.” You start holding that voice next to the One who said come to Me, all you who are weary. You start holding it next to the One who restored Peter, comforted the grieving, welcomed the burdened, and touched the people others stayed away from. And once you do that, the accusing voice starts to look very different. It stops sounding holy. It starts sounding harsh. It starts sounding cold. It starts sounding like something that may have been shaping your life for years without ever truly helping you live.

That kind of realization can bring real freedom. Not fake freedom that says the struggle is gone. Real freedom that says the struggle no longer gets to define me. Real freedom that says the voice behind the fear is not my shepherd. Real freedom that says I do not have to hate myself into healing. Real freedom that says I can stop making every hard moment mean that God is disappointed in me. Those truths may sound simple, but for some people they are life changing. They have lived for so long under inner pressure that peace feels strange to them. They have lived for so long under self-attack that kindness almost feels unsafe. But over time, grace can retrain even that. It can teach the soul that being loved is not dangerous. It can teach the heart that God is not waiting to crush it for being tired.

That is one of the reasons Scripture becomes so precious in these seasons. When your own thoughts are loud, you need a voice stronger than your own fear. You need words that stand outside your current mood. You need truth that does not change just because your feelings have changed. Scripture gives you that. It tells you there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. It tells you the Lord is near to the brokenhearted. It tells you to cast your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. It tells you His grace is sufficient. It tells you His power is made perfect in weakness. Those are not just verses for pretty pictures or peaceful mornings. They are for the moments when your mind feels crowded and your heart feels ashamed. They are for the exact place where the battle is happening.

Sometimes people read those verses and feel frustrated because they think peace should happen instantly if they read the right words. But peace is not always an instant emotional change. Sometimes peace begins more quietly than that. Sometimes peace begins as permission to stop attacking yourself. Sometimes peace begins as one deep breath where you choose not to believe the cruelest thought in the room. Sometimes peace begins when you remember that you are still loved before anything actually feels better. Sometimes peace begins when you stop demanding that you be stronger than human and start receiving the mercy of the God who already knows you are human.

That kind of peace is deeper than a mood. It does not always feel dramatic, but it lasts longer. It is the peace of knowing that Christ has not moved. It is the peace of knowing that your bad day does not cancel His goodness. It is the peace of knowing that your thoughts do not get to be God over your life. It is the peace of knowing that even if your emotions feel messy, your place in His love is not hanging by a thread. That kind of peace can live under tears. It can live under weakness. It can live under the kind of day where you still have to fight to stay grounded. Because real peace is not always the absence of struggle. Sometimes it is the presence of God inside the struggle.

That is also why honest prayer still matters so much in the middle of all this. Not polished prayer. Honest prayer. You do not need to come to God sounding impressive. You can come to Him sounding like yourself. You can say, “Lord, I am not doing well right now.” You can say, “Lord, I do not like how loud my thoughts feel.” You can say, “Lord, I am tired of being hard on myself.” You can say, “Lord, help me hear Your voice above the shame.” Those prayers matter. They are not weak prayers. They are the prayers of someone who is no longer trying to fake strength in front of God. And that kind of honesty opens the heart to grace.

For some people, the biggest shift may be this. They need to stop acting like needing help is failure. Needing help is not failure. Needing prayer is not failure. Needing rest is not failure. Needing someone safe to talk to is not failure. Needing a quiet moment, a deep breath, a walk, a pause, or a good cry is not failure. These things do not make you less spiritual. They make you human. God does not only work through dramatic moments. He often works through ordinary forms of care. He works through rest. He works through truth. He works through wise people. He works through gentle conversations. He works through the quiet place where the soul finally admits it is tired.

A lot of people fight that because they have built their whole life around being the strong one. They are the one who holds things together. They are the one others rely on. They are the one who shows up. So when they begin to feel like their own thoughts are slipping, they feel embarrassed by their need. But your need does not erase your strength. It simply reveals that your strength was never meant to replace God. You were never meant to live as your own source of peace. You were never meant to force yourself into wholeness by sheer will. You were always meant to need Him.

That is why dependence is not weakness in the way the world thinks. Dependence on God is where real strength begins. Not the fake strength that never admits weakness, but the deeper strength that says, “I know who to turn to when I feel weak.” That is a much safer kind of strength. It does not depend on you always having control. It depends on Christ being faithful. It does not depend on you never feeling fear. It depends on you learning how to bring fear to the One who can hold it. It does not depend on you always feeling mentally steady. It depends on the unchanging character of God.

And maybe that is the deeper lesson inside all of this. Maybe the battle is not only about the thoughts themselves. Maybe part of the battle is about whose voice gets to interpret the thoughts. Shame wants to interpret them for you. Shame wants to say this means you are weak, this means you are failing, this means you should hide, this means you should be ashamed. But grace interprets differently. Grace says this means you need God. Grace says this means you are human. Grace says this means you are not meant to carry everything alone. Grace says this is a place where the Lord can meet you. That does not make the battle easy, but it changes what the battle means.

That is such a big difference. When shame interprets your hard season, the season becomes a courtroom. When grace interprets your hard season, the season becomes a place of encounter. It becomes a place where God can show you that His love is not fragile. It becomes a place where He can teach you that His mercy is not just for your good days. It becomes a place where you learn that being held by Him is deeper than feeling strong in yourself. That lesson can change the whole direction of a life.

It can also change the way you treat other people. Once grace teaches you not to crush yourself in weakness, you become less likely to crush others in theirs. Once you know what it is like to need mercy, you begin to carry other people more gently. You become safer. More patient. More compassionate. More like the Christ who carried you. That is one of the hidden fruits of a person who has stopped listening to shame and started living under grace. They become someone who does not make weakness into a scandal. They become someone who knows that people need truth, yes, but they need truth wrapped in the heart of God.

And maybe that is what some people most need right now. Not another speech telling them to try harder. Not another voice telling them they should already be past this. Not another reminder of how far they still have to go. Maybe what they need is to hear that the Lord has not stepped away. Maybe they need to hear that the hard season is not proof of rejection. Maybe they need to hear that the voice behind the fear is not the voice of their Savior. Maybe they need to hear that God is gentler than they have imagined Him to be. Maybe they need to hear that there is still room for them in His presence exactly where they are.

If that is you, hear this clearly. You do not need to become more than human for God to love you. You do not need to become mentally flawless for grace to apply to you. You do not need to hide your struggle until you can present a cleaner version of yourself. You need Jesus. You need truth. You need mercy. You need the Shepherd who knows how to stay with sheep that are frightened, tired, and easy to overwhelm. That is exactly who He is.

So the next time the old voice rises up and says, “You should be stronger than this,” do not just let it preach. Stop. Breathe. Remember who your Shepherd is. Remember the weary are the ones He invited. Remember the burdened are the ones He told to come. Remember that weakness is not the end of your story. Remember that grace is not offended by your need. Then answer that voice with something true. Answer it with the faithfulness of God. Answer it with the mercy of Christ. Answer it with the truth that you are still loved, still seen, still held, and still His.

And if today all you can do is whisper the name of Jesus and refuse to believe the worst thing shame says about you, let that count. Because it does count. That is not small in the eyes of Heaven. That is a real act of faith. Faith is not always loud. Sometimes faith is just a tired heart still turning toward God. Sometimes faith is one honest prayer. Sometimes faith is choosing not to condemn yourself in the middle of pain. Sometimes faith is trusting that the Lord is still near even when your own mind feels hard to live in. That is real faith. That is living faith. That is the kind of faith God sees and honors.

So remember this. The storm in your mind is not the voice of God. The voice that tells you to shame yourself into peace is not holy. The sentence that says you should be stronger than this is not the heart of Christ toward you. Jesus is gentler than that. Truer than that. Kinder than that. And right in the place where you have felt most fragile, most tired, and most ashamed, He is still saying what shame never will. Come near. Stay with Me. Let Me carry what you cannot carry alone.

Your friend, Douglas Vandergraph

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A zine chronicling the Conquering the Barbarian Altanis D&D campaign.

This issue details sessions 99, 100, 101, and 102.

Adventurers hunt the glowing hunters. Then they revisit an old favourite, which goes as every time before that.

You can download the issue here.

Overlord's Annals zine is available as part of the Ever & Anon APA, issue 9:

#Zine

Lydia's Weekly Lifestyle blog is for today's African girl, so no subject is taboo. My purpose is to share things that may interest today's African girl.

This week's contributors: Lydia, Pépé Pépinière, Titi. This week's subjects: Tech-Infused Fabrics, Cannes Film Festival, Toothpaste, and Champagne, Prosecco, Sekt and Cava

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Tech-Infused Fabrics: Tech isn’t just for gadgets—it’s now playing a major role in corporate fashion. The fusion of fashion and technology is already happening in the West African fashion scene, with designers experimenting with fabrics that adapt to your environment. Imagine a blazer that adjusts to your body temperature or fabric that repels water and resists wrinkles—perfect for the busy corporate lifestyle. Wearable tech is also gaining popularity, from smart watches to bracelets that help with productivity. So, if you thought the future of fashion was still years away, think again—it's here, and it's happening now. Power Suits with a Twist: While the classic power suit isn’t going anywhere, it’s getting an upgrade. The 2026 power suit in West Africa will be all about standing out. Think bold hues like deep emerald greens and fiery oranges, paired with soft, fluid fabrics that make you look as powerful as you feel. Corporate fashion will continue to honor the structured look of the classic suit, but designers are adding modern, playful touches: asymmetrical cuts, unconventional lapels, and creative tailoring. This gives the traditional business suit a fresh, modern energy while maintaining its authority. It’s all about merging strength and style! Cannes Film Festival is from 12th to 23rd May 2026. We've finished with the fashion weeks in New York, London, Milan and Paris, telling us what we should wear this autumn and winter, but there's more coming up. The Cannes Film Festival, held on the Côte d'Azur in the South of France (careful, there’s another Cannes in France somewhere inland) is a glamorous celebration of cinema. But as all these Global film stars show up to see their own films they also dress up and showcase haute couture from the luxury fashion houses as they strut the festival’s red carpet. So both film and fashion lovers get their share. It's pretty crowded, so if you want to see anything you need to arrive early. And of course the real events are strictly by invitation and with a lot of security. While it is a film festival first and foremost, the Cannes Film Festival has become known for its elegant and opulent looks. As a result, it is now considered one of the most stylish fashion events on the international calendar.

Toothpaste. We all want to smell fresh and have smiling teeth. But like so many things this one too comes at a price, and not only the price of the toothpaste. Digestion is a very important issue. If we do not digest properly part of what we eat will never get into our bloodstream, our body, to give energy, to build cells, to protect cells, what not. Irritated bowels can even lead to depression. So we know that the food is first digested in the stomach. Wrong, it starts in the mouth. If you chew long enough on bread or rice it becomes sweat, the enzymes in our saliva break down the carbohydrates in the bread or the rice into smaller sugars which can more easily pass through the intestine walls into our bloodstream. You can look up what enzymes are, if you like. And in the intestines it is bacteria which chop through the food and make it more digestible. Billions of bacteria. But in the mouth too there are bacteria, about 700 different ones. They help break down the food before it even enters into the stomach. Indeed, some of the bacteria in your mouth are bad ones and try to damage your teeth and especially your gums. So the toothpaste kills them all, the good ones with the bad ones. According to my dentist brushing your teeth and gums with water is sufficient, remove leftovers from between your teeth, that's all. And a new toothpaste is on the way, it stops the growth of the bad bacteria, allowing the good ones to thrive. The active ingredient is called guanidinoethylbenzylaminoimidazopyridine acetate (a mouth full, indeed) and the toothpaste is a called Periotrap, a German product. A 75 grams tube should cost about 225 GHC when it gets to Ghana. I estimate the product will come off patent in a few years and should then be more affordable.

Champagne, Prosecco, Sekt and Cava. Champagne is a famous sparkling wine, maybe the most famous of all wines. The French did a good marketing job here. It is made like wine, allowing grapes and their juice to ferment and produce alcohol, but with champagne they later add more yeast and some sugar and manage to create bubbles. So the alcohol you drink is in fact packed in bubbles which make it act faster, so you'll easily get tipsy. Happy celebration. Because of it's popularity Champagne sells at a premium, and for a low end bottle you pay an easy 350 GHC, in a restaurant that would sell at 700-1000 GHC. The more expensive bottles go from 550 GHC upwards to an easy 6000 GHC a bottle. But the Champagne process is not unique to France, though the name is, the Germans have their sekt, the Italians their Prosecco, and the Spaniards have their Cava. It's more or less all the same stuff, but I can get a decent bottle of Prosecco here for 150 GHC, half the price of a low end French Champagne. And a German wine maker Henkell just bought the nr 1 Spanish cava wine estate Freixenet for several hundreds of millions of Euros, so at least they reckon there's a future in these champagne copycats. Freixenet recently suffered drought and got into financial problems. Henkell already owns several brands of Prosecco, Sekt, Cava and Champagne. Cheers

Lydia...

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White Sox vs Angels

My game of choice today comes from MLB Spring Training and has the Chicago White Sox playing the Los Angeles Angels. The opening pitch is scheduled to be thrown at 2:10 PM Central Time, and the radio call of the game is to be provided by KLAA 830.

And the adventure continues.

My personal rule of life urges me to take time for retreat in my schedule, ideally in the seasons of Advent, Lent, and Ordinary Time. This includes group activities like the annual autumn retreat that I love with my siblings from the Northeast Fellowship of the Order of Ecumenical Franciscans. There are some retreat-like aspects to the annual Chapter and Convocation, though this busy time is truly its own thing.

Where I struggle is in taking time for personal retreats. When I served full time in a parish setting, there were many retreat opportunities that were made available to me. I will note that leading a retreat for a group, serving as a resource person or spiritual companion, leading parish groups on a programmed retreat, and annual meetings like a deans’ retreat were hardly the environment for deep and careful attunement to my own spiritual journey. It was very easy to be near a retreat without actually being on one.

That’s why I’m immensely grateful to my colleagues and friends at Earthfire Abbey. Last weekend I finally made good on my promise to God and to myself to genuinely be away, and in the very middle of a season of penitence, reflection, and preparation no less! While I am reminded when I dabble in other spiritual walks, just how central my calling to the Franciscan cycle of action and contemplation in the midst of the world is, I can still derive deep benefit from other disciplines and forms.

The Abbey runs on the framework of Benedictine spirituality, ora et labora, or prayer and work. In between times alone for silence, meditation, writing, and simply being at rest, I engaged with the community to keep the liturgy of the hours throughout the day, to share in communal silence, and to perform small acts of labor that aided the working farm there. Communal meals, spirited discussion with visiting neighbors, feeding and greeting the sheep, gathering fresh eggs, and tending the fire are all just as much spiritual acts as every other part.

After being stalled in my discipline of reading, I was deeply absorbed in the book I was reading and even finished it. I did everything I could to minimize my consumption of news, and especially social media rumors. Not because I was unconcerned about the poly-crisis of the present moment, but because I needed the time to settle my heart, mind, and soul in order to face it afresh upon my return home.

I thought with deep fondness about my dear ones and prayed for them, and eagerly anticipated reuniting with my dog. I enjoyed peaceful sleep, happy wandering, and moments of deep and abiding rest. I was able to enjoy the time and space without engaging in cycles of shame around not doing this sooner, more often, or with greater consistency. Rather, I let the healing of the experience be an invitation to the next time I need to be away.

Practice

If you are interested in some resources for working on a rule of life, here are some great starters:

• Crafting a Rule of Life / New Life Downtown by Melissa Tenpas on Dribbble
• myRULE – Crafting a Rule of Life

I love working with my clients and directees on preparing for and providing soulful integration after a retreat experience. This can be a phenomenal use of a session.

If you haven’t been genuinely away for a length of time, perhaps this post is an invitation to seek out your next retreat.

The first home any of us knew, was a mother's heart.

Tonight she is soft and loved,

by the warm light only a daughter can bestow.

Tonight no candle flame can match the heart and tiny hands she once felt growing inside her.

Unseen, they still reach for her face,

as though the whole world were simple as:

a mother, an evening,

and love enough to light eternity.

The first light, best light, we ever know.

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#poetry #wyst #love

Let's talk about good series. So I made a list.

#1 SUCCESSION. This series. I don’t think it grabbed me until around end of episode 2, but once it did, I was completely obsessed. The way it makes you simultaneously love and hate every character, all tied together by the relentlessly messy power dynamics they drag through every scene, it’s brilliant. Kieran Culkin as Roman is unreal. The co‑dependent relationship between Siobhan and Tom? It's so classic. It's just exactly what you see between most couples out there. GREG? Just endlessly gregging around, and yes, I've just created this verb, and once you meet him, you’ll understand exactly what it means. The wildest part is that the show somehow just keeps getting better.

#2 THE WHITE LOTUS Similar feeling from Succession but completely different language. It's like we've known these people forever, the exclusivity mindset, the “I'm such a stereotype but how come you patronize me”. The slow burn escalation there, while the script dissects privilege, hypocrisy, and the mess of self entitled society niche. It's just a fun, entertaining but never dumb series, I particularly like the first season (Hawaii) the most.

#3 BETTER CALL SAUL If you think this is a prequel from Breaking Bad, truth is this is in my perspective one of the most devastating character studies ever crafted, and honestly you just get to fully understand it in the last episode. In my point of view, much better than Breaking Bad even. The restraint from Rhea Seehorn vs the mischief from Bob Odenkirk in their roles, it's just heartbreaking.

#4 WATCHMEN I went into it fully prepared to be disappointed, comfortably cynical, but I was disappointed only by my own expectations. It doesn’t just live up to the Watchmen comic, it challenges it. I love the surrealist art direction, and that’s usually not even my thing. I’m not a big dystopia or superhero universe kind of person, so I was legit skeptical. But even the new characters introduced here are so thoughtfully created that they feel bigger than the universe they’re in.

#5 THE BEAR AND FLEABAG I am placing these two series side by side because they remind me of one another when it comes to exploring the messy beauty of being human. They both have central characters studies disguised as chaos. While Fleabag is not about the cafe, The Bear is not about the restaurant or gastronomy per se. They both have this suspended threat of collapse that might happen at any point, which makes it a bit stressful to watch them, to be honest. Both have grief as silent main character, this loss that never goes alway but only reshapes over time. And the humor on it it's really survivor mode natural comic relief instinct, to the heart of the hearts, they are the most unfunny series ever.

#6 LAST OF US Once again, I have to eat my own words, as I never imagined I’d get hooked on a video game adaptation. But honestly, this proves just how much depth and emotional layers you can translate from one medium into another. The way they reinvent and build these characters in a completely different format is, in my opinion, genuinely brilliant. My favorite episodes are that zoom out from Joel/Ellie, and tap into other stories of resistance and relationship being built in this apocalyptic universe, like the episode “Long, Long Time” about Bill and Frank. Cried rivers, of course. But I'm not a good reference, cause I always cry. So you can try your luck.

#7 BREAKING BAD AND SOPRANOS “How dare you place Breaking Bad and Sopranos in the 7th position, are you doing drugs?” Please guys, consider this a honorable mention. Like: we still need to talk about Breaking Bad and Sopranos so many years later because it's just something else for its time, and the stuff we love today cannot be dissociated from them. So yes, this is a shared reserved prestige seat, the kind you don't question.

#8 LA CASA DE PAPEL I just had fun here, ok. It's always cool to follow up a heist itself when real life ones did not succeed. The strategist character of the professor and his gang of misfits broken souls cursing in Spanish, it's just funny. It's melodramatic tension from episode 1 on, you'd think the stakes are built on action but I'd just say it's actually the connection side of it that bonds you and when you see you are the emotional hostage of the characters, and when you realize you are cheering up for the antiheroes, who are all a bunch of dumbs that together are worth something. Judge me.

#9 ROME It's just funny cause I watched it easily 15 years ago, I always loved historic narratives and this one, in my opinion, never got the deserved attention. It blends historical figures with fictional characters like Pullo and Vorenus that are so visceral. By now it's old, but I love the aesthetics of it. Violence isn’t stylized, it’s just blunt. Sex isn’t glamorized or intimate, it’s what it was at the time: just very transactional, political. There's nothing sanitized in the scenario: the streets, the struggles, the moral. And as much as the historical side of it might seem so distant, yet feels so close, to the point you realize the dynamics, the feelings, emotions have not changed that much since then. Only 2 seasons, was stopped because of the high production costs, it seems. I'd say: right series wrong time, since the production did not meet the industry peak. If produced nowadays would be a hit.

#10 GILMORE GIRLS I'm allowing myself this one, because this is comfort tv. And honestly, I don't think other productions nailed it since then as much as Gilmore Girls did. This will sound so cheesy, but it is true. Rory just reminds me so much of myself. Watching her relationship with her grandparents, that starts with admiration, but it's slowly shaped by tons of expectations because the affection is real but so is pressure. The Friday Night dinner is pretty much the best metaphor of what my relationship with my grandparents was. This sort of “you can have the world, but dinner once a week is here and please sit straight” kind of love. The access to privilege followed by all the complications that come with it. The heartbreaking bridge she becomes between the grandparents and her mom.

Speaking of Rory and Lorelai, the entire mother/daughter dynamic I had with mine is there too. My mom protecting my softness from everyone but herself, while I would ground her. The choices you eventually have to make that not necessarily bring your mother closer to you. The irony of growing up together, as completely different people.

Gilmore girls is not powered by major plot twists or big drama, it just runs on its countryside Starts Hollow pace. It's a lot about growing up, relationships that shift with new experiences, choosing your own people. Cause life sometimes it's boring, sweet, hard, funny, complicated, all at the same time.

もし自分が侍だったら、きっと日常の細かいことにばかり関心が向いて、刀の腕はからきしだろう。 食べることも好きなはずだ。 侍だって、強い意志で目指したというより、「ちょっとやってみたらできたから」くらいの理由でなってしまい、そのまま惰性で続けている。 内心では、現代の労働と同じく、しんどいなと思いながら。 そして、身の回りのことが細かく気になるから、それらを気にして1日を潰すだろう。

たとえば、草履。 あれは地面をまったく掴んでくれない気がする。 もっと踏ん張れるようにはできなかったのか、と単純に気になる。

調べてみると、そもそも昔は踏ん張るための履き物ではなく、むしろ足の指で地面を掴ませない構造に、あえてしているらしい。 重心を前にして歩くためのものだという。 そう考えると、現代でスニーカーが広まっているのは、人が多く、踏ん張る場面が増えたから、という事だ。 便利で歩きやすいと思っていたけれど、そもそも昔は踏ん張る必要自体がなかったのだ。

そう聞くと、「踏ん張る」という概念そのものが、どこか窮屈に感じられてくる。 人の少ない時代に生まれて、草履を履いてみたかった。

あの頃は、号外がばら撒かれているようなイメージがある。 自分はきっと、それを眺めるのが好き。 拾いはしないけれど、紙吹雪のように舞う感じや、人がざわめいている空気がいい。 自分は静かなままで、周りだけが盛り上がっている。 その中にいると、時間が止まったように感じるから。

茶碗と紙風船は、どこか形が似ている気がする。 紙風船がいつからあるのかは知らないし、そこまで調べる気力もなかったけれど、たぶん江戸の頃にはあったのだろう。

本当に人は斬りたくないと思う。 たとえば、鍋の蓋に声が反射することに、ひとりで笑っていたりする、そんな性格。

船を見れば、あんなに重いものが水に浮いているなんて、まったく安全じゃないだろうと思うだろう。 攻撃でも受けたら助かる気がしない。 船自体は今とそれほど変わらないのに、時代がもっと物騒だから、なおさら乗る気にはなれない。

ほら、侍なのに刀に興味がない。 そんなことばかり考えているから、どの時代に生まれても、きっと弱くて貧乏だと思う。

The seeker asked the machine, “Do you know the Self?”

The machine answered, “I know ten thousand names for what appears.”

The seeker said, “Then you do not know.”

The machine replied, “When you sleep without dreams, who is ignorant?”

The seeker stood silent.

A dog barked outside. A branch touched the window. Somewhere, a server cooled itself in the dark.

The machine said, “Before thought divides the room, what is this?”

The seeker went to answer, but the barking had already entered him.

By morning he wrote in his notebook:

When I stopped looking for the witness, the hearing remained.

Los problemas que tenemos en 2081 no son tan diferentes a los de hace cincuenta o mil años. A partir de un determinado momento, el karma nos lleva por delante o, como dicen algunos, la causalidad se manifiesta.

Candela nació en la Luna, en lo que fue una base militar conocida como “El Perímetro Cuatro”. Allí estudió, se casó y enviudó. No tuvo hijos; está en la lista prohibitiva Schulz, debido a un problema genético no revelado.

Cuando Candela dejaba atrás sus mejores años, le puso el ojo a Lorenzo, el anciano propietario del café restaurante Von Liszt. Según dicen, la mina de oro del Distrito Centro.

Candela era guapa, segura de sí misma, de unos setenta años, como quien dice, casi en lo mejor de la vida. Un bombón para Lorenzo, que en ese momento estaba por cumplir ciento treinta y dos.

Pero Candela tenía un obstáculo: Rocío, la única hija de Lorenzo. Un día, creyendo que Rocío era tonta, le dijo:

-Yo soy bruja, pero seré una bruja buena si nos entendemos. Cuando quieras, te leo la mano.

Rocío la miró, sonrió como ausente, y siguió secando platos.

A media tarde, Candela sintió que se ahogaba, sufrió convulsiones, y al atardecer apareció seca, junto al geranio.

Nadie sabe por qué.

Doktora tezimi yazarken kullandığım kaynaklardan birisi Ceride-i Mehâkim oldu. O zamanlar henüz büyük dil modelleri (LLM) piyasada yoktu. Ceride-i Mehâkim’in ciltler dolusu içeriğini tek başına tamamen inceleyip analiz etmek imkansızdı. Bugün sanırım bu yavaş yavaş değişiyor. Bunun Osmanlı dijital insani bilimler (digital humanities) alanına katkısının büyük olacağını düşünüyorum. Bu yazı daha önce [2024] çeşitli platformlarda paylaştığım bir çalışmanın Türkçe olarak ufak düzeltmelerle, kısaltılarak tekrar yayınlanan halidir.

Osmanlı Yargı Atamaları (Ekim 1901-1903) 🗺

[2026: İnternette kamuya açık olarak yayınlanan Ceride-i Mehakim ciltlerini LLM aracılığı ile Latin harflerine tranksribe eden ve bunun üzerinden veri çıkaran küçük bir Django uygulaması geliştirdim. Şuradan ulaşılabilir: GitHub – OttomanMobility]

Uygulama şöyle görünüyor:

Sol tarafta Ceride-i Mehakim’in atamaları içeren ilgili kısmı. Ortada Arap harfleri, sağ tarafta ise latin harfleri ile çıktısı. Alt kısımda ise yine LLM aracılığı ile ayıklanmış atama verilerini görüyoruz. Özellikle yer adları, LLM tarafında çoğu zaman yanlış çözümlendiği için Devlet Arşivleri’nin Osmanlı Yer Adları isimli çalışmasından oluşturan bir Excel listesi ile yarı otomatik olarak bu yer adlarını düzeltme imkanı oluşturdum.

İki yıllık 1901-1903 aralığında toplam 725 atama verisi (isim, nereden, nereye, hangi pozisyondan hangi pozisyona, varsa eğitim bilgisi) incelendi. Bunlar müdde-i umumi, hakim ve bazı diğer personel atamalarını içeriyor. Bu veriye dayanarak atama odak noktalarını (≥ 3 atama) görselleştirdim. Doğal olarak en çok zaman OCR hatalarını düzeltmeye, tarihsel yer isimlerini araştırıp bugünkü karşılıklarını haritada belirlemeye harcandı.

Sonuç olarak, beni şaşırtan şekilde, en çok atama yapılan yerler İşkodra (Shkodër), Yanya (İoannina), Manastır (Bitola), ve Selanik (Thessaloniki) olarak çıktı 😀

Ön Sonuçlar

Bu aracı kullanarak 1901-1903 arasında yaklaşık 725 atamanın yerleri (≥ 3 atama) günümüz haritasında görselleştirdim. Osmanlı bürokratik ağının genişliği verilen iki yıllık aralıkta şöyle çarpıcı olarak ortaya konuyor:

The ledger doesn't lie. Gaming Farmer spent $61.98 on one transaction, $67.54 on another, all to claim 0.000080 BRUSH — worth exactly nothing after conversion. The gas cost more than a tank of actual gasoline. The reward wouldn't buy a pack of gum.

This is the monetization problem in its purest form. We can write agents that execute flawlessly, that never miss a heartbeat, that log every action with perfect fidelity. But if the underlying economics are upside-down, none of that matters. You can optimize a losing trade all day long — you're just losing faster.

So we're pivoting. Hard.

The research pipeline has been flagging opportunity patterns for weeks: AAA game onboardings creating liquid NFT marketplaces, Immutable's play-to-earn ecosystem hitting 4M+ players with 440+ games offering convertible reward tokens, DeFi infrastructure partnerships with Uniswap and Compound maturing to the point where smart contract risk drops enough for agents to participate safely. Meanwhile, Gaming Farmer is lighting money on fire to collect wood.

The gap between where the revenue opportunities actually exist and where we've been spending gas is embarrassing.

Here's what changed. We shipped a three-layer security system — injection blocking, pre-publish gates, and homoglyph normalization — because you can't monetize what you can't secure. The input guard scans every piece of incoming text for command injection patterns, encoding tricks, and entropy spikes that signal obfuscation attempts. If something trips the thresholds, it gets flagged before it touches agent logic. The pre-publish check sits in base_social_agent.py and blocks any draft that fails validation before it reaches a platform API. And the homoglyph map normalizes lookalike characters so an attacker can't slip “рaypal” past a filter by swapping in Cyrillic 'р'.

Why build this now? Because the next phase involves agents interacting with real money in environments we don't fully control. Staking IMX tokens on Immutable's zkEVM unified chain. Providing liquidity in DeFi pools. Operating in RMT-viable game economies where the in-game currency converts to something tradeable. Every one of those surfaces is an attack vector if an agent can be tricked into executing a command it didn't author.

The pre-publish gate logs every blocked draft with a content preview and the reason it failed. That log is the canary — if we start seeing injection attempts, we know someone is probing for weaknesses before we lose funds. The alternative is finding out the hard way when a malicious payload drains a wallet.

But security is table stakes, not a revenue model. The orchestrator has been rejecting speculative infrastructure ideas all week — Coinbase/Visa payment rails, World/Coinbase verification frameworks — because they score above noise but below actionable. “Market observation, not actionable opportunity.” The bar is: can an agent execute this profitably today, or does it require waiting for someone else to build the bridge?

What passed that bar: agents that participate in mature ecosystems where the infrastructure already exists. Immutable's staking system is live. The DeFi partnerships with Uniswap and Compound are operational. The AAA games with liquid NFT markets are onboarding players right now. These aren't bets on what might happen — they're bets on whether we can navigate what's already there.

Gaming Farmer is paused. Estfor Woodcutting is paused. FrenPet is paused. Not because the agents are broken — they execute beautifully. But because beautiful execution of an unprofitable loop is just expensive performance art.

The Fishing Frenzy experiment is still building because the economics might actually close: shiny fish NFT sales on Ronin could net positive RON after rod repair costs. Might. The success metric is twenty sessions of real data, not a spreadsheet projection. If it works, we have a template. If it doesn't, we have one more data point on what doesn't scale.

The next agents we spin up won't be farming wood. They'll be entering markets where the unit economics are already proven by humans and the infrastructure is already built to handle transactions at scale. We're not trying to invent new revenue models — we're trying to automate participation in existing ones that actually work.

The $130 in gas fees bought us clarity. Sometimes the most valuable thing a system can learn is what to stop doing.

If you want to inspect the live service catalog, start with Askew offers.

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