12 January 2026

Flat light (working title): The light bulb in my flat, my flat in the light bulb. Have been looking at Artschwager's Intersect (1992) aquatint/drypoint work of a dog in a corner a lot this week. That monochrome approach to sitting at some essential point where vision both understands an essence and fails to differentiate between its constantly changing parts felt (and still feels) like something related to why I keep approaching light. And so I painted a corner of my room through an unilluminated light bulb. Mixed colors instinctually this time (as opposed to from a reference work), and while I did not intend this, it occurred to me after I finished working how the hues and tones seem to relate directly to the amalgam of sensations I've had in my room in the three plus weeks since I moved in.

10 January 2026

Visited Sebastián's studio, brought him one of the hand-drip coffee bags Yena's father makes. This one was an Ethiopia Geisha with a Manet on the packaging (Woman Reading, 1880-82). When I handed it over, Sebastián immediately placed it among the other objects on one of the still life surfaces in his space. I knew from researching his work and seeing his current show (Lustre at Interval Clerkenwell; if you're reading this you should go see it) that he paints master paintings into his compositions, but it hadn't occurred to me that I was literally handing him a mini master painting. So that was a lovely synchronicity. But I mention it because it speaks to what I feel is the main thing I learned from him, which is how to create a studio that is a self-regenerating ecosystem. If it comes into his space, it becomes part of its orbit and nourishment. I had the sense in there that everything in the space was vital, alive, able to be used at a moment's notice. Which aligns with how he described looking and working with attention and openness, which includes an openness to freely modulating his process through any number of variables including light, objects, and reference works. At risk of sounding dramatic, coming face to face with a world built out so fully altered my thinking around my own practice pretty significantly in that as soon as I left his space, I began to think more carefully about what it is that I don't have to think about at all (or what is lodged at my core). Into my head then popped William Eggleston's famous Greenwood, Mississippi work (1971, the one of the light bulb on a red ceiling). There's a similar bulb in the room at my new flat. It has always been about light (and looking democratically), I think.

The butter and the bone

I’m at a point Where I’m so tired of always Being right about to crack. I feel myself groan and stretch On the daily Without ever wondering what the other ways To be, might be. But I’m starting to see Yes, I’m starting to feel That instead of bone, I can be butter.

Up til now I’ve lived my days Like an old bone, boiled far too long In a pan of foamy, greasy water A child’s fingers could snap me in half The way I’ve been living Makes me brittle Porous and pocked, With no meat and no forgiveness To give me cushion to move and bend. I want to sway like a palm tree, Seduction, Dancing in even the heaviest of winds But here I find myself an old twig On the very point of the ‘snap’ I can feel the maddened fingers tightening And I’ll have no more of it.

It’s too jagged and stretched, In this place of bone, This place of scarcity. I’m tired of the fear and the white-knuckled grip Like some gnarled old hand, clinging to one end of A last-ditch wishbone. I’m done with it.

I want to be smooth, creamy, and jolly. I’d rather be like butter than some old over-cooked bone. I want to be sexy and smooth. About everything, not just the easy, normal stuff. I want people to be able To come spend time in The soothing, refreshing butter. Spread me onto the bread. Dip your hesitant, greedy fingers in me And lick them after.

People will look for the bone, I’m sure. But they won’t find it. That old thing was never me Only what I tried to hold, Out of fear, Fear that there was no butter And the feeling that I had to suck My nourishment and hope From a shard that had nothing left to give.

I’m throwing it down, Like the cracked, tired thing it always was, So that the butter can show up on the table. Slide it over to me, And I’ll eat. I’ll rub it on my face, my strong shoulders, My sturdy hips I’ll swallow mouthfuls, full for the first time, And I’ll know deep down, Deep down in the creamy, dreamy yellow, gentle depths That there’s a lot more butter where that came from.

Who do homeowners turn to when threatened by the HOA? If you have the money, you can hire an attorney. You can commiserate with your friends, family, and neighbors. You can get a therapist. Sometimes, homeowners turn to the local news station for assistance.

Tampa Bay 28 complied their expose on Homeowners Associations and their unchecked power into a forty-two minute video. Part of the video discusses the woman in the Creek View neighborhood who went to jail. And it shows how once one person (victim/survivor) comes forward, others follow (This is similar to how serial rapists and killers are discovered.). Check it out at the link below. When I figure out how to embed things on this website, I will.

Home Sweet HOA: An Investigative Report on the Growing Power of HOAs

In How to File an ARC with Your HOA So That They Can Reject It, I begin to tell the story of how I landed in my present situation with the HOA. Keep in mind that when I mention the HOA, I am also talking about the Property Management Company/Property Manager since they are a team, regardless of whether they functionally operate in that manner or not. And as you can see on my neighborhood’s CDD website, the HOA is the property manager.

Since I did not respond to the request for further details in a timely manner, I submitted another ARC. Below you will see what I wrote, with additional emphasis that I have added in bold for reference later:

1. Description of Improvement:

I had the flu from 12/7/25 for two weeks. Do you want a doctor's note? I do not have insurance but I can go to the clinic to get one because I had records of my fever and symptoms. I also started a new job on 12/1 and ended up missing a lot of time due to the flu. This is why I did not respond. Without any further assistance available for poor and/or disabled homeowners, the tarp would be replaced in May of 2026 and will be done at that time due accumulations of funds and/or to sale of property/new owner. ______ Progressive Insurance in conjunction with South Shore Roofing company would like to improve the roof that was increasingly damaged by storms Debbie, Helene, and Milton by installing a whole house tarp as prior damage was exacerbated by multi-day rain storms that occurred in May 2025 which resulted in severe interior leaking throughout the 2nd floor of home and a part of the 1st floor. FEMA was unable to tarp for homeowner immediately after the storm. Progressive insurance will deny coverage of interior damage if roof is not tarped. Home already has $30k+ worth of damage from previous storms unresolved due to class action lawsuit against builder. South Shore roofing decided to use flashing to cover roof insisting that it was superior to what was seen throughout Vista Palms. Progressive insurance agreed with South Shore Roofing's conclusion. Flashing is a blue and white. Interior damage has not progressed and tarp remains intact. Progressive insurance approved total roof replacement with a deductible of $7k. Homeowner cannot meet deductible at this time due to 1. the HOA having a previous lien on property rending the property ineligible for county assistance over the summer; 2. current unemployment related to issue #1; 3. Catholic Charity subsidiary could not investigate FEMA claim and provide supplementary assistance due to being closed by current U.S. president. Homeowner's new employment is $22k annually which is about $2k per month. If I set aside $1k per month, I could pay for the roof in July 2026.

The part before the dashes is what I added to the ARC when I resubmitted it. Everything after that is the exact same thing I wrote in the first ARC. I tried to add all pertinent information because it still does not make since to me that I am actually making an improvement to the home. A tarp isn’t an improvement—it mitigates damages. Plus, the tarp already existed prior to them forcing me to submit this claim that they knew they were going to reject. If I were getting a better roof, that would be an improvement.

Here is the response from the HOA:

History

• Hello Board, The owner is requesting to keep the tarp on the roof for an unknow period of time. Their comments show that they could not pay the deductible for their insurance to complete the repairs. They make reference to hardship. The owner then states he could pay the deductible by June 2026, which still does not provide a ETA on when the tarp would be removed or repairs made. I would suspect that after the deductible is paid in June, it would take a while for the insurance company to approve and get the roofer out there to make the repairs. Please let me know if you approve this request or if there are any questions?

Management 12/23/2025 02:12 pm

I had to respond to this because I wasn’t sure if the HOA had a reading comprehension problem or if I was just stressed out and losing my ability to communicate effectively. I had already submitted documents detailing when the tarp was installed, the estimate for a roof replacement, and my homeowner insurance company’s approval of a new roof.

In June, either the foreclosure/sale of the home will be complete and the lender will be responsible for the roof at that time (possibly prior to that time but the lender has to deal with the lien that the HOA placed on the home while the home was already in mortgage foreclosure), or the “homeowner” (myself) will have said deductible in June due to accumulation of funds from new employment. The deductible has nothing to do with the insurance company (Progressive) approving anything. I have already attached documents to my previous ARC indicating as such so I am unsure why that claim is being made currently by Kessler. Additionally, I already have a roofer—for which I have previously provided documentation for also—that is ready to do the job as they did the tarp and were going to do the roof in June prior to the HOA foreclosing on the house which pulled the Hillsborough County home repair funding from the roofer. There are not an abundance of roofs needing repair currently as there were no active hurricanes to hit this area during the past season so nothing is hindering the repair except money.

So, in response to my response, I am sure you know what the HOA did. They rejected that shit:

Hello, This request has been declined by the board of directors. The board has stated that it is unreasonable to have to wait until June to have this issue taken care of especially since this has been an issue throughout 2025. The board further states that the repairs must be made within the reasonable time of the end of January in order to avoid the issue being sent to the attorney for legal enforcement actions. Please have the issue resolved by the end of January.

Management 01/05/2026 02:58 pm

So, let all the details above serve as a further introduction to how I landed in this predicament. It gets worse. Much worse.

Our Father Who art in heaven Hallowed be Thy name Thy Kingdom come Thy will be done on Earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily Bread And forgive us our trespasses As we forgive those who trespass against us And lead us not into temptation But deliver us from evil

Amen

Jesus is Lord! Come Lord Jesus!

Come Lord Jesus! Christ is Lord!

Let Zay in Heaven

For this fjord to seek all day And in the night’s esteem beget A promise under play Of Dan who saw The Watch of early yearing In effort to effect A place called solemn home Between each tree And every brother To this day In reach And called a poem For rights to read The Scotland view Which appears to sow No large divide Of faded number But the stars who call him near And every phone- on lock to store the day- of strings that whay and study Of the optimal accord So as chance to make it home And forever be this right To years of beautiful unsuffer This man called Zay An Earthen dream Of making rouse To always know Hear heights in grace And fortitude of love For all who cast a hope But righting ships of souls And mending free The right of Kings Who summon free The debts to be unhad And wincing star In play for truth The madness gone While spirits desolate A new purview To always say Amen By wished gear A striking man and sharp Exciting best And gone to see the waves As Colin would To best- and free Eclectic Zay Is found a star For this new tack In splicing more A hull for steer With wrath to wind To solitude my shore And placing hands For future mend It honours me in three This will to go alone A space to bless New Zay and done The forded best To one and ten A call to roads For years to stay ahead In solemn be To Rome And then- a better day- forever.

—For Zay Harding

I got a great photo this morning to add to my ADA information seeking email, so I’m glad I took the time to breathe and exercise a bit of restraint instead of just shooting off an angry email.

Yes, that’s my foot (the bad ankle, even) fully stuck in a plowberg up to my knee and trying to get loose. Which I did manage, only to slide down the opposite face of the plowberg into an intersection where a truck was driving distracted and nearly hit me.

Accessibility!

#accessibility #disability

It's been a strange week.

You can't find dead bodies and not become extremely existential in thought. Especially if the bodies pertain to people you were conversing with only a handful of hours prior.

Carbon monoxide poisoning. Looks like they accidentally dozed off and had left something on the stove. Pot overflowed and put out the flame and the gas kept going overnight.

Had to break in. Thought I could save them but it was too late.

Police proceedings afterwards were their own surreal experience.

Really fucking tragic.

#journal

Byla noc. Dědek Strašpytel stál u dveří, ruku na klice, druhou na prdeli – čistě kontrolně. Musel jít ven. Nešlo to odložit. V kamnech cosi zůstalo nedodělané, v hlavě tikalo a v močovém měchýři zvonil poplach třetího stupně.

Jenže venku… ticho. Takové to soví ticho, co není prázdné, ale čekající. Strašpytel pootevřel dveře na šířku prstu. Studený vzduch mu přinesl známou štiplavost. Ne jednu. Více vrstev.

„Jsou tady,“ zašeptal, i když nebylo komu. Na střeše cosi tupě tup. Na okenici cosi měkkého šplác. A pak to přišlo: pomalé, důstojné přitlačení prdele na sklo. Sklo zamlžilo. Strašpytel ztuhl.

Sovy neútočily. Sovy čekaly. Dědek si vzpomněl na staré pravidlo Dědolesa: Když nemůžeš projít kolem prdele, musíš projít skrz prd.

Zavřel oči. Vyšel na práh. Postavil se čelem do tmy. A prděl. Ne hystericky. Ne obranně. Ale pomalu, hluboce, s lehkým chvěním kolen – prd člověka, který ví, že se bojí, ale jde stejně.

Byl už skoro uprostřed dvora. Studená hlína křupala pod nohama, dech mu šel v obláčcích a prdel – ta byla v pohotovosti, lehce sevřená, připravená kdykoliv zasáhnout.

Sovy se zatím držely v odstupu. Seděly na plotě, na střeše kůlny, na jabloni. Neprdly. To bylo nejhorší. A pak to přišlo. Z temnoty se utrhla jedna. Ne let – nálet. Tiché švihnutí vzduchu, roztažená křídla, a uprostřed toho všeho prdel, pevná, navedená, mířící přímo na dědkova záda.

Strašpytel zareagoval instinktivně. Žádné hrdinství. Žádná filozofie. Jen syrové, zoufalé:

PRD!

Krátký, ostrý, panický. Sova to nečekala. Prdel jí cukla, let se rozpadl a s tlumeným žbluňk skončila v sudu s dešťovkou.

To už dědek nečekal na nic. Rozběhl se. Kabát mu vlál, boty klouzaly po blátě, dech se lámal. Za ním šustění křídel, rozhořčené huu-prrrd, chaos. Jedna sova narazila do plotu, druhá do sebe navzájem, třetí se snažila prorazit oknem, ale tvrdé sklo jen zakvílelo.

Strašpytel se vrhl ke dveřím, zalomcoval klikou, zakopl o práh a vpadl dovnitř. Zabouchl. Zasunul závoru. Opřel se celou vahou o dřevo. Ticho. Jen jeho dech. Jen tlukot srdce. Jen jemný doznívající pach prdu, který ho vlastně uklidňoval.

Už si chtěl sednout. A v tu chvíli to uslyšel. Šššš… škrk… chrrr… Ze skříně. Strašpytel pomalu otočil hlavu. Dvířka byla pootevřená. Jen nepatrně. A zevnitř se linul známý, štiplavý pach. Něco se tam pohnulo. Něco, co tam nemělo být.

Skříň se začala pomalu otevírat. Ne prudce. Ne nápadně. Jen tak… o prst. Strašpytel nezakřičel. Nedýchal. Ruka mu vystřelila sama – závora, kov studený jak rozum po půlnoci. PRÁSK. Dvířka skříně se zavřela tak rychle, že uvnitř cosi zaklaplo zobákem naprázdno.

Ozvalo se tlumené huuuf–prrrd, rozčilené, stísněné. Dědek se ani neohlédl. Vklouzl do sklepa, schody bral po dvou, klopýtl, ale zabouchl dveře a zapřel je tělem. Tma. Vlhko. Sudy. Brambory. Starý pach dědkovského bezpečí.

Nahoře se ozvalo šramocení. Křídla narážela do stěn. Skříň vrzala. Dřevo pracovalo. Strašpytel seděl na schodech až do rána. Nespal. Jen občas… prdl. Pro jistotu. Ráno bylo tiché. Až podezřele.

Strašpytel si netroufl nahoru sám, to ne. Poslal pro jezevce. Přišli dva. Zkušení. Čichali už ode dveří. „Hm,“ zabručel jeden. „Tady něco bylo,“ řekl druhý. „Ale teď už to tu není.“ Skříň otevřeli opatrně. Prázdno. Jen lehce poškrábané dřevo zevnitř. Jedno šedé pírko. A pach, který nešel zařadit – ne čerstvý, ne starý, spíš… čekající.

„Odešla,“ řekl jezevec. „Ale ne proto, že by musela.“ Strašpytel polkl. „A proč teda?“ zeptal se. Jezevec se podíval na okno. Na střechu. Na les. „Protože chtěla,“ řekl. „A když sova chce… většinou se ještě vrátí.“ Od té doby Strašpytel skříně nezavírá úplně. Tvrdí, že kvůli větrání.

Andate pure avanti, qui non c’è niente da vedere.

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It’s such a weird thing to feel this want to have more, even though there’s no real reason. I guess I wanna do what my dad did.

Collaboration night malam ini dibuka dengan sambutan dari para direktur utama pemegang kepentingan project dari beberapa perusahaan yang terlibat. Seperti biasa, ucapan terima kasih dan apresiasi kepada seluruh pihak yang sudah membantu menyukseskan salah satu project terbesar mereka.

Setelah seluruh rangkaian kegiatan formal telah berlangsung, sekarang sudah masuk sesi free time dimana seluruh undangan dapat berbincang dan menikmati hidangan yang sudah disediakan.

Bian memanfaatkan momen ini untuk memperluas relasinya sebagai orang baru, dia berbincang dengan banyak direksi khususnya para direksi NODUS yang juga hadir pada acara malam itu. Setelah puas berkenalan dan berbincang singkat, Bian mengambil segelas white wine lalu berdiri di area yang langsung menghadap balkon.

Sesekali ada beberapa perempuan yang mengajaknya bicara dan menawarkan untuk bergabung dengan mereka. Sabiano tetaplah Sabiano, dia tidak tertarik dan langsung menolak dengan sopan tawaran apapun yang tidak berhubungan dengan kepentingannya.

Bian melirik ke arah jam tangannya, waktu menunjukkan pukul 10 malam. Dia sudah merasa cukup dan berniat untuk meninggalkan tempat itu, tetapi matanya melihat sesuatu yang menarik perhatiannya.

Kai sedang berada di balkon dengan seorang perempuan yang tidak Bian kenali. Niatnya untuk pulang seakan hilang begitu saja saat melihat interaksi Kai dengan perempuan itu, mereka berbicara dan bercanda seakan sudah kenal sedari lama. Perempuan itu bukan salah satu team NODUS jakarta yang berangkat bersama mereka, maka dari itu Bian benar-benar asing dengan perempuan tersebut.

“Bukan urusan gua sih harusnya, lagian semua orang wajar punya kenalannya masing-masing juga.” Pikirnya.

Sesaat Bian berniat untuk benar-benar pergi kali ini, dia melihat perempuan itu perlahan mendekatkan tubuhnya ke arah Kai. Bian bingung, menurutnya itu bukan interaksi antara rekan kerja yang sewajarnya apalagi dia tau Kai sudah punya kekasih.

Beberapa detik kemudian, Kai terlihat tanpa ragu membalasnya dengan pelukan singkat. Balkon tersebut memang sepi, karena semua orang lebih memilih fokus menikmati acara di dalam ballroom.

Bian yang telah jelas melihat semua yang ada di depan matanya, langsung memutuskan untuk pergi dari tempat itu.

Perasaan nya campur aduk, dia tidak tahu harus apa dengan kejadian yang dia lihat tadi. Haruskah dia berpura-pura tidak tahu apa-apa dan menganggap ini bukan urusannya seperti hal biasa yang dia lakukan?

Imagine your neighbor wants to sell you her small bakery. She makes $10,000 a year in profit after all expenses. How much would you pay for it?

This is the most fundamental question in investing, and surprisingly, many people completely ignore it when buying stocks. They chase companies with cool products, exciting growth stories, or buzzy news coverage. However, the only reason to buy an individual stock is if you believe the current price is too low.

Not because the company is growing fast. Not because you love their products. Only because other investors have underestimated what the company is actually worth.

The Bakery Test

Let’s go back to your neighbor’s bakery. It makes $10,000 per year. If she wants $50,000 for it, that’s a P/E ratio of 5—meaning you’d pay $5 for every $1 of annual profit. At that price, if profits stay steady, you’d earn back your investment in five years.

If she wants $200,000? That’s a P/E of 20. Now you’re paying $20 for every $1 of profit. It’ll take twenty years of steady profits just to break even. You’d need to believe the bakery’s profits will grow substantially to justify that price.

And if she wants $1,000,000 for a bakery making $10,000 a year? That’s a P/E of 100. You’re paying a hundred dollars for every dollar of current profit. You’d need to be absolutely certain this bakery is about to explode in popularity—that the $10,000 today will become $50,000 or $100,000 in a few years—otherwise, you’re massively overpaying.

AMD: A Real-World Example

Now let’s look at AMD, the chipmaker. As of late January 2026, AMD trades at roughly $250 per share with a P/E ratio around 130.

What does that mean in plain terms? For every share you buy, you’re paying about $130 for each $1 of AMD’s current annual earnings per share.

Think about that in bakery terms. If AMD were a local business earning $10,000 a year, you’d be paying $1.3 million for it.

For comparison, the S&P 500—a basket of 500 large U.S. companies—trades at a P/E of about 28. The average stock costs you $28 for every $1 of earnings. AMD costs you nearly four times that.

So Is AMD a Bad Investment?

Not necessarily. Here’s where the math gets interesting.

When you buy AMD at a P/E of 110, you’re making a bet. You’re betting that AMD’s profits will grow dramatically—so dramatically that today’s price will look cheap in hindsight. You’re betting that the consensus view of AMD’s future (which is already optimistic, hence the high P/E) still underestimates how well the company will actually do.

The market already expects AMD to benefit from the AI boom, from data center growth, from capturing market share from Intel. That expectation is baked into the price. For AMD stock to go up from here, the company has to exceed those already-high expectations. It has to surprise to the upside.

If AMD simply meets the already very high expectations? The stock probably goes nowhere. If it disappoints? It could fall hard.

Meanwhile, at a P/E of 110, even if AMD’s business performs brilliantly, you’re starting from an expensive base. Remember: you paid $110 for each dollar of current profit. That’s a lot of future growth already priced in.

Financial theory tells us that the correct price of a stock equals the present value of all the future cash it will generate for shareholders. The P/E ratio is a rough shortcut to understanding whether that future cash flow justifies today’s price.

The P/E ratio is your reality check. It forces you to ask: “What would this look like as a simple business? Would I buy a bakery at this price?”

The Question to Ask

Before you buy any stock, ask yourself one question: How much am I paying for each dollar of this company’s profits?

At a P/E of 15, you might be getting a bargain—or buying a company with dim prospects. At a P/E of 110, you might be buying a future titan—or paying a fortune for hype.

Neither high nor low P/E is automatically good or bad. But understanding what you’re paying, and what growth would need to happen to justify that price, is the difference between investing and hoping.

Your neighbor’s bakery makes this obvious. Wall Street makes it complicated. But the question is the same: Is the price right?

You never stop learning, and you can't know everything about your profession. Nice to see how you can improve your usage of HTML in your interface.

I found this bit and wanted to share it.

»HTML’s Best Kept Secret — The Tag: Every developer knows . It’s the workhorse of the web. But ? Most have never touched it. Some don’t even know it exists. […]« — by @denodell

🧑‍💻 https://denodell.com/blog/html-best-kept-secret-output-tag

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96 of #100DaysToOffload
#log #dev
Thoughts?