Want to join in? Respond to our weekly writing prompts, open to everyone.
from Blog of Sand
Dungeons and Dragons Legal Document
In a campaign in which I am a player, we became political prisoners of the Sultan of the City of Brass. My character came up with the idea to create a legal document with hidden provisions for the Sultan to sign that would essentially cede all of his power to us. The Sultan was trying to force the players to sign a document that would screw them over, so the thought was add an addendum that mostly seems pointless and emphasizes the relative stupidity of the players to the Sultan. The logic was, the document would have so much fluff and filler he would miss the small poison pills hidden within. See if you can find them!
Oh and for reference the primary player characters are Drangus- a demon prince possessed goliath barbarian, Krit- A Drow Assassin, and Kato- A White Dragon Born memory vampire. Ott is a low IQ dwarf the players rescued early in the campaign and kind of adopted like a ward/pet despite him being in his 40s.
So these are the stated goals of the contract, not to be included in the contract of course (what the players have planned)
Priorities: Redirect the devil army to fight Balam Make the Sultan personally liable for breaching the contract.
The Sultan will commit 90% of all armed forces under his direct or indirect control to immediate deployment on the material plane under the absolute control of Maegera and her consorts until Tharizdun is completely banished from the plane. All expenses towards this will be paid from the Sultan’s personal wealth. This is provision Alpha.
The Infernal Legions of the 9 Hells present in the city of Brass will be paid directly by the Sultan. They will be immediately deployed to the Abyss for the purpose of laying siege to allow the party to kill the original form of the Balaam, the World Spike. The Infernal Legion may loot the Abyss as they see fit, getting any remainder of their payment from The Sultan. This is provision Beta.
The Sultan shall devoutly commit every effort for the remainder of his reign to serve Maegera and her splendor/glory with no duplicity or self serving gains in any regard. This is provision Gamma
If the Sultan violates provision alpha, beta, or gamma in any manner, shape or form he considers his life forfeit and the infernal legions will take him prisoner to be executed and have his soul fed to Drangus, and they will take their payment from his personal wealth. Drangus shall appoint a new Sultan.
The Addendum in Full
This document serves as an addendum to the original contract executed between the Sultan of the City of Brass (hereinafter referred to as “the Sultan”) and Drangus et al. (hereinafter collectively referred to as “the Contracting Party”). The terms and provisions contained herein shall be deemed supplementary to, and shall be read in conjunction with, the aforementioned contract. Where applicable, this addendum shall supersede conflicting terms in the original agreement, provided that all non-conflicting provisions shall remain in full force and effect. The parties involved in this contract shall include Grand Sultan of the Efreet, the Lord of Flame, the Potentate Incandescent, the Tempering and Eternal Flame of Truth, the Most Puissant of Hunters, Marshall of the Order of the Fiery Heart, the Smoldering Dictator, the Crimson Firebrand, Marrake al-Sidan al-Hariq ben Lazen; Drangus Undereater, Krit Vakkarian, and Kato, along with any relevant parties related to the aforementioned individuals. To the first of the aforementioned parties, in the hallowed annals of eternal flame and celestial power, there exists none more resplendent, more formidable, and more exalted than His Most Luminous Majesty, the Grand Sultan of the Efreet, Marrake al-Sidan al-Hariq ben Lazen. He, who sits upon the Burning Throne, commands the awe and reverence of not only the denizens of the fiery realms but the entirety of creation. As the Lord of Flame, His radiant presence alone is enough to melt the strongest steel and turn mortal ambition to cinders, for His might is the Tempering and Eternal Flame of Truth, a beacon that pierces the veil of deception and illuminates the path of righteousness in the molten core of all things. By His grace and sovereign will, the cosmos bends to the heat of His word, for He is the Potentate Incandescent, the embodiment of an eternal inferno, a force whose brilliance can never be dimmed nor extinguished. As the Most Puissant of Hunters, no prey eludes His fiery gaze; He stalks the very essence of rebellion and dissent, reducing all who dare challenge His dominion to ashes in His wake. Such is the destiny of those who would defy the Marshall of the Order of the Fiery Heart, a venerable fraternity of flame-touched warriors who carry His indomitable will across the planes. Under His supreme leadership, the Smoldering Dictator has ruled with unparalleled wisdom and justice, as hot and fair as the fires of judgment themselves. Yet, His rule is not solely one of destruction, for He tempers as He burns, molding His subjects into stronger beings, their spirits forged anew in the crucible of His endless flame. It is this balance of heat and harmony, this eternal act of creation through fire, that makes Him not just a ruler but the Crimson Firebrand, an unparalleled visionary whose name strikes terror and admiration in equal measure. In every ember and spark, in every conflagration that rages across the worlds, there lies the indelible mark of His influence, for Marrake al-Sidan al-Hariq ben Lazen is the living embodiment of flame. His very breath gives life to the fires of truth, justice, and power. All who stand before Him, be they mortal or immortal, must bow to the heat of His judgment or be consumed by it. Thus, it is with utmost reverence and unyielding loyalty that this body acknowledges His unassailable might and divine authority. To speak His name is to summon visions of fire, strength, and eternal sovereignty. Long may His flames burn, for the Grand Sultan of the Efreet shall reign, not for a mere age, but for all of time, His legacy etched in the blazing heart of the universe itself. Drangus Undereater, a figure of imposing stature and undeniable force, wields an unparalleled mastery of combat that can only be described as both ferocious and relentless, his every movement a calculated blend of sheer strength, precise technique, and unrelenting brutality. His prowess in battle is such that his enemies often quake at the mere whisper of his approach, knowing full well the devastation that follows in his wake, for Drangus is not merely a warrior but a veritable force of nature, one whose skills are so vast and all-encompassing that they defy adequate description, though we shall, in the following detailed and repetitive manner, attempt to do so. Drangus Undereater's combat style is both methodical and savage, a paradox of refined skill and raw, primal aggression, where every strike is not just a strike but a multifaceted expression of his dominance on the battlefield. To witness him in battle is to witness the peak of martial excellence. His axesmanship—an art form in and of itself—is a display of both power and finesse, where the sheer force behind each swing is matched only by the precision with which he directs the blade. His axe cleaves through armor and bone with a grace so seamless, so fluid, that it appears as though the weapon itself is an extension of his indomitable will, as if the very metal has been tempered to respond to his thoughts, rather than his hands. When Drangus raises his axe, it is not a simple act of aggression, but a series of motions so interconnected, so deliberate, that each swing is but a cog in the grand mechanism of his assault. First, he lifts the blade, muscles coiled with tremendous energy, then releases it with a downward stroke that is as swift as it is devastating. Each blow is followed by another, and yet another, in a cascading series of strikes that come with such velocity and force that they blur together into a whirlwind of steel and blood. The force behind each strike—indescribably powerful, brutally efficient—is only equaled by the precision of his aim, which is uncannily, almost eerily, accurate, as though his axe seeks out the weakest points in his opponent's armor, rendering all defense futile. Yet his strength alone would not be so formidable were it not for his incredible endurance, for Drangus does not tire easily, nor does he falter under the strain of prolonged combat. In fact, his stamina is legendary, allowing him to outlast foes who, despite their best efforts, find themselves worn down by the sheer, ceaseless onslaught of his attacks. The longer the battle rages, the stronger Drangus seems to become, as though the heat of conflict only fuels his already titanic reserves of strength and determination. His ability to continue fighting, even when others have long since collapsed, makes him a truly daunting opponent, for his foes soon realize that no amount of attrition or fatigue will ever bring him to his knees.a His defense is, naturally, as impressive as his offense, for Drangus is not merely a brute, but a tactician of the highest order. His defensive maneuvers are wielded with the same level of mastery as his axe used not only to block incoming strikes but to counter them with deadly precision. His footwork, often described as deceptively light for a warrior of his size, is a study in balance and poise, allowing him to evade attacks that would cripple lesser fighters, all while maintaining the offensive momentum that defines his approach to combat. Drangus’s parrying skills are second to none, as he deflects blows with the same ease with which others might bat away flies, each successful block followed by a retaliatory strike so swift and merciless that his opponent is left with no time to recover. And, of course, there is his strategic mind—a mind so keen and sharp that Drangus often predicts his opponent’s movements before they even begin. His battle awareness is nothing short of preternatural, his eyes constantly scanning the battlefield, taking in every nuance, every shift in posture, every twitch of muscle that might hint at his foe’s next move. He is a master of anticipation, always one step ahead, always ready to exploit the slightest weakness or mistake. And when he strikes, it is with the full knowledge that his blow will land exactly where he intends it to, with exactly the force necessary to end the engagement in his favor. Yet it is not merely his physical prowess that makes Drangus Undereater such an unstoppable force in combat. It is his intimidating presence—that palpable aura of menace that precedes him wherever he goes, a presence so overwhelming that it unsteadies even the most seasoned warriors. The psychological warfare Drangus wages against his opponents is as devastating as his physical attacks. His enemies, confronted by the sheer inevitability of their defeat, often falter before they even raise their weapons, knowing full well that once Drangus has set his sights on them, their fate is sealed. His voice, a booming, thunderous growl, resonates with such authority that it shakes the resolve of all who hear it, and his gaze, cold and unflinching, cuts through their bravado like a knife through flesh. In conclusion, to speak of Drangus Undereater’s combat prowess is to speak of perfection in every conceivable form of battle. His strength is boundless, his endurance is inexhaustible, his technique is flawless, and his strategic mind is beyond compare. To face him in battle is to face certain defeat, for he is not merely a warrior, but the embodiment of combat itself, a relentless force whose only purpose is to dominate and destroy all who stand before him.
I. The Lethal Artistry of Krit: Mastery of Pistols and Crossbows Krit’s mastery of pistols and crossbows is nothing short of legendary. His technique, honed over decades of relentless training, positions him as one of the most formidable marksmen in existence. He is a virtuoso with these ranged weapons, capable of executing shots with such precision that his enemies often fall before they realize they’ve been targeted. A. Pistol Prowess Krit’s skill with pistols is unparalleled. His weapons, often custom-forged and enchanted, are extensions of his will, capable of delivering deadly results at both short and long ranges. In combat, Krit’s pistol work is a ballet of speed and precision. Each draw is swift, each shot deliberate, as he alternates between his pistols with a dexterity that few can rival. His ability to fire while in motion, often flipping or dodging enemy strikes, is a hallmark of his technique, blending agility and lethality in a seamless dance of death. The hallmark of his pistol-based combat style is his “double strike” technique, in which Krit simultaneously fires two pistols with both hands, each shot meticulously aimed at separate vital points on different opponents. His remarkable control of recoil, timing, and hand-eye coordination allows him to fire in rapid succession without sacrificing accuracy—a feat that most marksmen could scarcely dream of achieving. Critics and admirers alike have marveled at his ability to fire precisely timed shots that ricochet off surfaces, turning the environment into a weapon as the bullets find their way around cover to strike their mark. B. Crossbow Expertise Krit’s expertise with the crossbow is no less astounding. He favors sleek, lightweight models designed for rapid reloading, allowing him to fire with speed and precision that rival even the most advanced firearm users. His crossbow bolts are often tipped with rare poisons or enchanted to deliver a variety of effects, from paralyzing agents to bolts that explode upon impact, ensuring that each shot delivers not just physical harm but also strategic advantage. In combat scenarios, Krit demonstrates an uncanny ability to remain calm and measured, even under extreme pressure. His crossbow skills are particularly noted for his use of “multi-shot tactics,” where he simultaneously fires several bolts in rapid succession, each aimed at a different enemy or weak point in an opponent’s defense. His ability to calculate wind, distance, and movement of both target and self with instinctive precision ensures that few can escape the deadly accuracy of his bolts. Whether perched in a high vantage point as a sniper or engaged in the heat of a chaotic battle, Krit’s crossbow is wielded with the same deadly finesse as his pistols, solidifying his status as a dual-weapon master.
II. The Uncharacteristic Morality of an Assassin Though Krit’s physical prowess is the stuff of legend, it is his uncharacteristic moral compass that truly sets him apart. In a profession often associated with ruthlessness and self-interest, Krit operates by a personal code of ethics that many would find baffling, given his role as a hired killer. He does not kill indiscriminately nor without cause; every contract he accepts is scrutinized through the lens of his moral beliefs. He rejects any job that would result in the suffering of innocents, choosing instead to use his skills to eliminate those who pose a direct threat to the defenseless. A. A Heart of Compassion: Altruistic Endeavors Krit’s compassion extends beyond his choices in contracts. In his spare time, he is known to undertake countless altruistic endeavors, directing his considerable wealth toward aiding those in need. His compassion for the downtrodden, particularly the poor and the sick, has led him to establish a network of hidden clinics and shelters in impoverished areas. These establishments, funded entirely from the earnings of his assassination work, provide medical care, food, and essential resources to the needy, often without asking for anything in return. What sets Krit apart from mere philanthropists is his active participation in these endeavors. He does not simply delegate his resources and then retreat to the shadows. Instead, he frequently visits these clinics, offering not only financial support but also his own skills. As a healer trained in dark elven medicine and potioncraft, Krit applies his knowledge to treat wounds, cure illnesses, and provide advice on health and well-being. His ability to move seamlessly between worlds—the shadowy life of an assassin and the noble cause of a caregiver—creates an intriguing and rare duality in his character. B. Protector of the Vulnerable Beyond the clinics, Krit also uses his lethal skills to protect communities that cannot protect themselves. On more than one occasion, Krit has been known to dismantle local criminal organizations or corrupt governments that prey on the weak. Though he operates in the shadows, those he aids speak of him with a reverence reserved for heroes, not assassins. It is said that Krit’s presence alone is enough to deter would-be oppressors, for they know that to incur his wrath is to face a swift and certain end.
III. Krit’s Keen Insight into Martial Strategy and Civic Affairs Krit’s brilliance is not confined to the battlefield alone. His understanding of martial strategy, honed through years of meticulous planning and execution, is matched by his keen insight into civic matters and governance. Despite his profession, Krit’s mind is a tool as sharp as any blade, capable of analyzing complex social and political systems with the same clarity he applies to combat tactics. A. Martial Strategy and Tactics Krit is a master strategist, capable of analyzing a battlefield or conflict scenario in moments and devising a plan that exploits every weakness and maximizes his strengths. He is equally proficient in guerrilla tactics and large-scale military engagements, though his preference lies in subtlety and precision. In large-scale conflicts, Krit has been known to serve as a tactical advisor to various factions, lending his considerable expertise to tip the scales of battle in their favor. His ability to adapt to ever-changing battlefield conditions is one of his most notable traits. Whether infiltrating a heavily guarded fortress, assassinating a high-profile target in the midst of an army, or laying traps for an oncoming force, Krit’s plans are never static. He is a master of contingencies, always prepared for the unexpected, and his methods are as flexible as they are effective. B. Civic Engagement and Leadership Despite his background as a shadowy figure, Krit’s understanding of civic structures is remarkable. He has advised rulers and leaders on matters of governance, trade, and social order, offering insights that have helped stabilize cities and prevent revolts. His keen understanding of human nature, paired with his firsthand experience in both the upper echelons of power and the darkest corners of society, gives him a unique perspective on how to maintain order and ensure the prosperity of all citizens.
Conclusion: Krit as a Paragon of Duality Krit, the dark elf assassin, is a figure who embodies the duality of the blade and the balm, of death and compassion, of shadow and light. His mastery with pistols and crossbows, refined to a deadly edge, is matched only by his moral character and dedication to altruistic endeavors. A man of exceptional insight, he walks the delicate line between life and death, constantly seeking not only to fulfill his contracts but to protect the vulnerable and uplift those in need. In Krit, we find a paradox—a killer whose greatest triumphs are not in the lives he takes but in the lives he saves, a strategist whose ultimate victory is not on the battlefield but in the hearts of the people.
Introduction: Kato’s Transformation and the Birth of a New Vampiric Species Kato, once a revered scholar of the dragonborn race, was known far and wide for his insatiable thirst for knowledge. As a white dragonborn, his mastery of the cold elements and his piercing intellect set him apart from his kin, who traditionally pursued martial paths. However, a fateful transformation reshaped both his life and his destiny. No longer merely a scholar, Kato became something far more profound, and far more dangerous—a new kind of vampire, one that feeds not on blood or life force, but on the memories and experiences of others. This transformation, while granting him extraordinary abilities, fundamentally altered his relationship to knowledge, driving him to pursue all that can be known, understood, or remembered with a hunger that is as eternal as it is unquenchable. This treatise endeavors to explore Kato’s remarkable transformation, his exceptional abilities as a memory-feeding vampire, and the consequences of his relentless pursuit of knowledge. We will also examine the moral, psychological, and existential implications of his unique vampirism, as well as his ultimate goal: the attainment of total omniscience.
I. Kato the Scholar: The White Dragonborn’s Intellectual Legacy Kato’s origins as a scholar of the white dragonborn are significant in understanding his current motivations and intellectual pursuits. From an early age, Kato displayed a prodigious intellect that set him apart from his peers. Unlike many of his kind, who reveled in the glory of battle and the conquest of enemies, Kato was drawn to the pursuit of wisdom and arcane knowledge. His studies encompassed a vast range of subjects, from the magical arts to the philosophy of existence, from the history of ancient empires to the complex mechanics of interplanar travel. Kato’s library, said to be filled with thousands of scrolls, tomes, and magical artifacts, became a beacon for scholars and wizards from across the realms. His thirst for knowledge was unquenchable, and yet, despite his vast achievements, Kato always felt a void—a gap in his understanding that could never quite be filled by conventional means. He had reached the limits of mortal study and sought something more profound, something that transcended the written word.
II. Kato’s Unending Quest for Knowledge Kato’s transformation into a vampire has only deepened his obsession with knowledge. What once was a noble pursuit has now become a consuming hunger, one that drives him to seek out the rarest and most forbidden sources of information. His ultimate goal is nothing less than total omniscience—the accumulation of all knowledge, past, present, and future. A. The Preservation of Forgotten Histories One of Kato’s most significant endeavors is the preservation of forgotten histories. Through his ability to consume memories, Kato has been able to recover knowledge that had long been lost to time. He has spoken with ancient beings, delved into the minds of immortals, and unraveled the secrets of civilizations that existed eons before recorded history. In this way, Kato has become a living repository of forgotten lore, storing within his mind the entirety of human, elven, dwarven, and even draconic history. B. The Desire for Omniscience Though Kato’s pursuit of knowledge is seemingly boundless, it is rooted in a singular goal: to achieve omniscience. Kato believes that by consuming enough memories, by devouring enough experiences, he can eventually attain a level of understanding that transcends mortal limitations. This ambition drives him to the farthest reaches of the multiverse, where he seeks out beings of extraordinary power—gods, demons, and cosmic entities—hoping to acquire the fragments of knowledge that will complete his journey. Kato’s quest for omniscience is not merely a scholarly pursuit but a personal one. As a dragonborn, he was raised in a culture that valued strength and conquest. But Kato seeks to transcend these mortal trappings, believing that the true path to greatness lies not in physical domination, but in intellectual mastery. For Kato, the ultimate conquest is that of understanding, the complete and perfect knowledge of all things.
IV. The Civic and Ethical Dimensions of Kato’s Existence Despite his vampiric nature, Kato has not abandoned his sense of civic responsibility. His vast store of knowledge, acquired through his unique vampirism, has made him an invaluable resource for governments, scholars, and rulers alike. He often acts as an advisor to those who seek to govern wisely, offering insights into both martial and political matters. A. A Scholar Among the People Kato’s presence in society, while often shrouded in mystery, has been a boon to many communities. His vast knowledge allows him to serve as an educator and advisor, providing counsel on everything from military strategy to agricultural techniques. His deep understanding of history allows him to offer perspective on present conflicts, drawing on the lessons of the past to avoid future calamities. However, Kato’s civic engagement is not without its complications. His vampiric nature often isolates him from the societies he seeks to serve. Many fear him, not understanding the nature of his powers or the ethical code by which he abides. Though he offers his knowledge freely, his need to feed on memories creates tension, as those he aids are often wary of becoming his next victim.
Conclusion: Kato’s Legacy and the Endless Pursuit of Knowledge Kato, the white dragonborn scholar turned memory vampire, stands as a figure of profound complexity. His mastery over knowledge, combined with his vampiric hunger for memories, makes him both a powerful force for good and a dangerous entity driven by an insatiable desire to know all. While his ethical code sets him apart from other vampires, Kato’s endless quest for omniscience raises questions about the nature of knowledge itself—can one truly know everything, and if so, at what cost? In Kato, we find a paradox: a being who hungers for the thoughts and experiences of others, yet who seeks to preserve and protect the very knowledge he consumes. His existence forces us to consider the boundaries between wisdom and obsession, between power and responsibility. And as he continues his endless journey toward omniscience, Kato’s legacy will be defined not only by the knowledge he acquires but by the delicate balance he maintains between his vampiric hunger and his enduring desire to uplift the world with the power of understanding.
Decree of Prohibition on the Ridicule of Headwear: In Defense of Drangus Undereater and His Associates By the Flame and Authority of the Grand Sultan of the Efreet, Marrake al-Sidan al-Hariq ben Lazen, Potentate Incandescent, Marshall of the Order of the Fiery Heart, the Smoldering Dictator, the Crimson Firebrand, Lord of Flame, and Supreme Ruler of the Burnished Realm, be it known throughout the cosmos that no jest, mockery, insult, or other derisive commentary shall be made regarding the hats, helmets, turbans, crowns, caps, or any form of headwear chosen by Drangus Undereater, or by any of his designated associates, hereinafter referred to as “The Wearers.” Section I: Preamble In recognition of the solemn and inalienable rights afforded to all beings under the Dominion of the Eternal Flame, and in the spirit of maintaining the harmony of flame-forged alliances, it is hereby decreed that any and all ridicule, be it verbal, written, gestural, or telepathic, directed toward the headwear or headgear of Drangus Undereater, a distinguished figure of note, or any of his associates, is strictly forbidden. The Wearers, whose sartorial choices, particularly in regard to head adornments, are to be treated with the highest esteem, shall be free from the stain of ridicule in perpetuity. Section II: Prohibition on Mockery No Subject, Citizen, or Entity, under the dominion or influence of the Grand Sultan of the Efreet, whether bound by oath, contract, or mere association, shall engage in, or encourage others to engage in, any form of mockery, satire, or criticism pertaining to the headwear of Drangus Undereater, including but not limited to: Hats, caps, helmets, crowns, circlets, visors, or other coverings of the head; Any embellishments, decorations, feathers, horns, gems, or insignia affixed thereto. Forms of Forbidden Mockery shall include, but are not limited to: Verbal remarks made in jest or derision, whether spoken aloud or whispered in confidence; Written or artistic representations which demean or belittle The Wearers' headgear; The creation or dissemination of songs, poems, or theatrical performances that depict The Wearers' headwear in a humorous or insulting light; The use of illusions, holograms, or other magical or technological projections designed to distort or ridicule the form or function of said headwear; Any telepathic or sub-etheric communications conveying sarcasm or ridicule with respect to The Wearers' choice of head attire. Section III: Scope of Protection This Decree applies to any and all headwear, regardless of its: Size or Shape, whether broad-brimmed, conical, spherical, or asymmetrical in nature; Color, regardless of whether said headwear is of a hue deemed unusual, flamboyant, or excessive by the standards of the observer; Material, including but not limited to cloth, leather, metal, fireproof fabric, enchanted gems, or even the charred remains of vanquished foes, provided said material serves as a covering or adornment of the head; Purpose, whether ceremonial, practical, protective, or purely decorative in nature. Section IV: Sanctions and Penalties Any individual, entity, or group found to be in violation of this Decree, having engaged in mockery, insult, or any form of derisive commentary regarding The Wearers' headwear, shall be subject to the following penalties, as deemed appropriate by the Flame of Judgment: First Offense: A formal warning delivered in the form of a blazing missive, accompanied by a temporary discomfort caused by heat around the offender's head, as a reminder of the gravity of their transgression. Second Offense: The offender shall be required to publicly apologize while wearing a hat of Drangus Undereater’s choosing, no matter how elaborate or impractical it may be. Third Offense: The offender’s head shall be temporarily encased in a sphere of flame for no more than twenty-four hours, ensuring no permanent damage but allowing ample time for reflection. Fourth and Subsequent Offenses: The offender shall be banished from the presence of the Grand Sultan’s court and barred from all realms of the Efreet, their mockery forever extinguished under the weight of their shame. For Associates of the Grand Sultan: Any individual holding position, title, or rank under the reign of His Incandescence who dares to defy this Decree shall not only face the penalties outlined above, but also immediate and irrevocable removal from any privileges, titles, or honors granted by His Smoldering Dictatorship. Further, they shall be required to swear an oath, in flame and under the stars, never again to comment upon the headwear of any being, regardless of its form or fashion. Section V: Enforcement This Decree shall be enforced by the Sultan’s appointed Flamewardens, who are charged with the task of observing and recording any and all instances of mockery related to the headwear of Drangus Undereater and his associates. The Flamewardens, acting under the direct authority of the Marshall of the Fiery Heart, are empowered to carry out judgments, issue warnings, and ensure compliance with all sections of this Decree. Section VI: Exemptions This Decree shall not apply to: Praise, compliments, or expressions of admiration regarding The Wearers' headwear, provided such expressions are made in good faith and without intent to undermine or mock. Any form of constructive commentary given in the privacy of personal counsel, wherein advice may be sought concerning the improvement, embellishment, or enhancement of The Wearers’ headwear, so long as such advice is respectfully and sincerely offered. Section VII: Conclusion By the eternal authority vested in the Grand Sultan, Marrake al-Sidan al-Hariq ben Lazen, and in the name of the Flame that binds all things in truth, this Decree is to be upheld with the utmost seriousness. The headwear of Drangus Undereater and his esteemed associates is to be revered, or at the very least respected in silence, throughout all realms touched by the fires of His Smoldering Majesty. Let no one dare transgress the sanctity of this law, for to mock the headwear of The Wearers is to mock the order of flame itself. May this decree stand as an eternal safeguard against such reckless disregard for the dignity of headwear, and may its enforcement be swift and just. Issued under the Flame of His Potency, Marrake al-Sidan al-Hariq ben Lazen Grand Sultan of the Efreet, Lord of Flame, and Eternal Sovereign of the Burnished Throne On this day, in the Year of the Smoldering Embers
Decree of Culinary Standards and Practices for the City of Brass: Regulation of Food Preparation for Off-Planar Residents Issued by the Grand Sultan of the Efreet, Marrake al-Sidan al-Hariq ben Lazen, Lord of Flame, the Potentate Incandescent, the Tempering and Eternal Flame of Truth, the Most Puissant of Hunters, Marshall of the Order of the Fiery Heart, the Smoldering Dictator, the Crimson Firebrand, under the Blessing of the Eternal Heat and Sovereignty of the City of Brass I. Preamble Let it be known that the City of Brass, shining jewel of the Plane of Fire and culinary capital of the efreeti empire, is renowned throughout the multiverse for its unmatched mastery of flame. The chefs and cooks of this great city are celebrated for their ability to harness the heat of the eternal flames to craft dishes that transcend the boundaries of planar existence. However, it has come to the attention of this Court that the varying tolerance for high-temperature cooking among residents and visitors from other planes of existence has caused discomfort, misunderstanding, and dissatisfaction in culinary experiences. In consideration of the gastronomic well-being of all planar visitors, and to ensure the continued prosperity and reputation of the City of Brass as a culinary destination for all beings, the Grand Sultan hereby establishes regulations governing the cooking practices of the Sultan's chefs and all culinary professionals under His rule when preparing food for consumption by off-planar residents. II. Definitions Off-Planar Residents: For the purposes of this Decree, “off-planar residents” shall refer to all individuals, travelers, or guests who originate from any plane other than the Plane of Fire, including but not limited to those from the Prime Material Plane, the Elemental Plane of Water, the Celestial Realms, the Abyss, the Feywild, Mechanus, and other interplanar domains. Overcooking: “Overcooking” shall refer to the act of applying excessive heat to a food item for a period beyond that which is required for the dish's intended flavor, texture, or presentation, resulting in the degradation of the food’s quality, texture, or taste in a manner unpalatable to off-planar residents. Necessary Cooking Integrity: “Necessary cooking integrity” refers to instances in which high or prolonged heat is required for the successful completion of a dish’s essential culinary properties, such as but not limited to caramelization, searing, or the rendering of fats, where such processes are indispensable to the flavor, safety, or presentation of the dish in question. Culinary Professionals: All chefs, cooks, sous chefs, kitchen staff, apprentices, and any other individuals involved in the preparation of food within the Sultan’s kitchens or any culinary establishment operating within the City of Brass and its territories. III. Scope of Regulation This Decree shall apply to: All meals prepared within the Sultan’s kitchens, whether for the Grand Sultan, his Court, his guests, or the public. All culinary professionals operating within the City of Brass, regardless of the specific dining establishment, when preparing food intended for consumption by off-planar residents. Any food prepared for festivals, banquets, or special events that may involve the participation or attendance of off-planar guests. IV. General Prohibition Against Intentional Overcooking Prohibition: No chef, cook, or culinary professional in the service of the Sultan, nor any culinary establishment within the jurisdiction of the City of Brass, shall intentionally overcook any dish intended for consumption by off-planar residents. Overcooking, as defined herein, is strictly prohibited unless such cooking is deemed necessary for the integrity of the dish as outlined in Section V below. Cultural and Dietary Considerations: In acknowledgment of the varying culinary preferences and biological requirements of off-planar residents, it shall be the duty of all culinary professionals to ensure that food prepared for such individuals is cooked to a standard that respects their palate, digestive requirements, and cultural expectations. It is understood that while the denizens of the Plane of Fire may find joy in consuming dishes prepared at extreme temperatures, such culinary standards are not universally applicable. V. Exceptions for Necessary Cooking Integrity High-Heat Dishes: Certain dishes, particularly those traditional to the City of Brass, require intense heat for essential processes, such as the creation of signature flame-seared meats, lava-baked pastries, or dishes involving the infusion of elemental fire into their composition. In these cases, the application of high heat shall be deemed necessary and exempt from the prohibitions of this Decree, provided that: a. The process is integral to the dish’s structure, flavor profile, or safety. b. The culinary professional shall inform the off-planar resident of the nature of the dish prior to serving. c. A reasonable alternative, if available, shall be offered to any off-planar guest who prefers a less intense preparation. Enchanted and Magical Dishes: Certain enchanted dishes, infused with elemental magic, may require sustained cooking under extreme conditions to activate their magical properties. Such dishes shall be exempt from this Decree if and only if the cooking process is essential to the activation of said enchantment. Chefs must still exercise caution and restraint to avoid unnecessary degradation of taste or texture. VI. Duties and Responsibilities of Culinary Professionals Training and Awareness: All culinary professionals working in the City of Brass shall be required to undergo formal training to understand the preferences and physiological needs of off-planar residents. Training sessions shall include information on the gastronomic standards of various planes, as well as techniques for adjusting traditional recipes to suit off-planar tastes without sacrificing the integrity of the dish. Communication with Diners: It shall be the responsibility of each chef to clearly communicate with off-planar guests regarding the nature of the dish being prepared, including the level of heat involved in its cooking. Should a diner express a preference for lower heat or non-traditional preparation methods, the chef shall make reasonable efforts to accommodate such requests while maintaining the integrity of the culinary tradition. Tasting and Adjustments: Chefs shall be encouraged to taste or otherwise assess the dishes intended for off-planar residents to ensure that overcooking has not occurred unintentionally. Adjustments may be made to the cooking process as necessary to ensure that the food remains palatable and enjoyable for the intended diners. VII. Enforcement and Penalties Inspections and Oversight: The Sultan shall appoint a committee of culinary inspectors, known as the Order of the Ever-Watchful Flame, tasked with monitoring the kitchens of the City of Brass to ensure compliance with this Decree. Inspections shall be conducted regularly, and chefs found to be in violation of the prohibition against intentional overcooking shall be subject to investigation and possible reprimand. Penalties for Violations: Any culinary professional found guilty of intentionally overcooking food for off-planar residents without justification shall face penalties, including but not limited to: a. Fines payable to the Sultan’s treasury. b. Temporary suspension of cooking privileges. c. Mandatory retraining under the supervision of a culinary master of the Sultan’s choosing. d. In the case of repeated or egregious offenses, exile from the kitchens of the City of Brass. VIII. Final Provisions Review and Amendment: This Decree may be reviewed and amended by the Grand Sultan or his appointed culinary advisors to account for evolving culinary practices or shifts in interplanar dietary preferences. Such amendments shall be made with careful consideration of both the cultural heritage of the City of Brass and the well-being of its off-planar visitors. Effective Date: This Decree shall take effect immediately upon its issuance and shall be enforced in all kitchens within the jurisdiction of the City of Brass. Issued under the Eternal Flame of the Grand Sultan, Marrake al-Sidan al-Hariq ben Lazen, on this day, in the presence of his Court and the Great Flame, as a testament to the Sultan’s commitment to the refinement of the culinary arts and the well-being of all who pass through the gates of the City of Brass. May the fires of the City burn bright, and the food served within be ever worthy of the Flame. Addendum to Contract Concerning the Examination, Determination, and Potential Termination of Scarecrow Entities Section I: Purpose and Intent This Addendum shall establish the procedures, protocols, and responsibilities regarding the inspection, determination, and, when applicable, elimination of any and all scarecrow entities (hereinafter, “Scarecrow Entities” or singularly, “Scarecrow Entity”) that may exhibit certain deleterious characteristics indicative of maleficent animation, as herein defined, within the jurisdiction of the City of Brass or any affiliated territories thereof. Section II: Definitions For the purposes of this Addendum, the following terms shall be defined as follows: Scarecrow Entity: Any and all configurations of effigies, semblances, or constructed humanoid forms composed primarily of straw, cloth, wood, or other similar materials, typically but not necessarily configured for agricultural protection purposes. Maleficent Animation: A state in which a Scarecrow Entity exhibits animation, mobility, or apparent autonomous activity with malicious or malevolent intent, as evidenced by but not limited to: vocalizations, hostile actions, aggressive posturing, possession of malevolent enchantment, or any indication of sentience contrary to benign agricultural deterrence. Owner: Any individual, entity, or collective that has established or may reasonably establish dominion, possession, or a custodial relationship over a Scarecrow Entity, with or without documented ownership, but whose interest in said Scarecrow Entity is ascertainable through due investigation. Section III: Mandatory Evaluation of Scarecrow Entities Initial Inspection Protocol: All Scarecrow Entities shall undergo a preliminary inspection (hereinafter, “Preliminary Inspection”) by an appointed Inspection Officer (defined under Section III, Paragraph 3) to determine the presence or absence of Maleficent Animation. Verification of Maleficent Animation: In the event that a Scarecrow Entity is suspected of Maleficent Animation, the appointed Inspection Officer shall conduct a rigorous secondary evaluation, herein referred to as the “Verification Process,” utilizing methods sanctioned by the City of Brass Office of Enchanted Effigies, including but not limited to: incantatory scans, animate-movement assays, and hostile energy radiography (collectively, the “Evaluative Measures”). Appointment of Inspection Officer: The Sultan of the City of Brass shall appoint or delegate authority to a suitable entity or individual (herein, “Inspection Officer”) vested with the capability to execute Evaluative Measures in accordance with City statutes and magical regulatory standards. Section IV: Determination and Required Action Immediate Termination Protocol for Ownerless Scarecrow Entities: Should any Scarecrow Entity found to be in a state of Maleficent Animation lack a registered or identifiable Owner, as determined through diligent inquiry and reasonable investigatory efforts, the Inspection Officer shall proceed with the immediate termination of the Scarecrow Entity, utilizing methods deemed sufficient for complete neutralization as per City of Brass Dispossession Ordinances (Section 92.6). Consultative Obligation Regarding Owned Scarecrow Entities: Where the Scarecrow Entity identified as exhibiting Maleficent Animation is under ownership, custodianship, or possessory claim of an Owner, the Inspection Officer shall undertake reasonable measures to establish contact with said Owner. Reasonable measures shall include, but are not limited to, communicative attempts through registered contact means, emissaries, or magical correspondence as specified in City of Brass Code 44©. Destruction Upon Consultation: In circumstances where the Owner is contacted and consents to or is deemed indifferent regarding the termination, or where the Owner’s response is not obtained after a period of no less than seventy-two (72) hours from the time of initial contact attempt, the Inspection Officer shall then proceed with the destruction of the Scarecrow Entity as prescribed under the Disposal and Dispossession Mandates. Obstruction by Owner: Should an Owner be identified who directly objects to the destruction of the Scarecrow Entity and can provide substantial proof of benign intent and control over the entity, an evaluative hearing may be convened to ascertain the entity's disposition conclusively, following the Ordinance for Arcane Neutralization Appeals (Section 19.3). Section V: Liability Waiver and Indemnification The City of Brass, the Sultan, and all appointed Inspection Officers shall be indemnified and held harmless against any and all claims, damages, or losses that may arise as a direct or indirect result of compliance with the provisions of this Addendum. Furthermore, the Owner of any Scarecrow Entity found to exhibit Maleficent Animation and subsequently terminated under the protocols herein shall bear sole responsibility for any related damages, including but not limited to reparations for harm caused by said Scarecrow Entity prior to its destruction. Section VI: Severability In the event that any provision or requirement of this Addendum is rendered null or inapplicable by an order of a competent authority, all remaining provisions shall continue in full force and effect to the fullest extent permitted by law. Section VII: Finality of Action All determinations and actions taken in accordance with this Addendum shall be deemed final and conclusive unless new, compelling evidence is presented within a statutory period of fourteen (14) days post-termination. This Addendum is thereby ratified by the mutual acknowledgment of the Sultan of the City of Brass and Drangus et al., with full understanding and agreement to abide by its terms. Decree of Total Condemnation and Obligation of Resources Toward the Downfall of Cyric, Self-Styled Lord of Lies Article I: Formal Declaration of Condemnation Let it be known and recognized, by the power and authority vested in the sovereign body of the City of Brass and all allied territories, that Cyric, self-styled Lord of Lies, herein referred to as “Cyric” or “the Deceiver,” is formally condemned as an enemy of the lawful order, a violator of truth, a propagator of deception, and a purveyor of treachery, thereby rendering him a threat to the stability, sanctity, and continued prosperity of all known realms and planes. This condemnation shall be binding and absolute, precluding all future pardons, reprieves, or appeals. Article II: Statement of Purpose and Intent The purpose of this Decree is to direct and obligate all feasible resources, military assets, magical faculties, and intelligible means toward the singular objective of undermining, destabilizing, and ultimately eliminating the influence, following, and material manifestation of Cyric. The intent of this Decree is unambiguous in its aim to eradicate the influence of falsehood and deception sown by the Deceiver within all realms under the lawful watch of this sovereign body, and where practicable, to spread the mandate of this mission across the known planes. Article III: Definitions and Scope For clarity and strict adherence to the objectives set forth in this Decree, the following terms shall hold the assigned definitions: Cyric (The Deceiver): The being also referred to as the “Lord of Lies,” who is documented as exercising dominion over falsehood, illusion, and sedition, whose influence corrupts the perceptions, intentions, and actions of mortals and immortals alike, and whose following is characterized by betrayal, chaos, and the systematic breakdown of lawful order. Condemnation: An irrevocable and total censure, denouncement, and nullification of any and all legal status, rights, or privileges that Cyric might claim. This condemnation shall serve as a foundation upon which all subsequent actions directed against Cyric and his agents are justified. Downfall Mandate: The assignment of all tangible and intangible resources, including but not limited to: magical, military, scholarly, and diplomatic efforts, which shall be applied unremittingly to the dismantling of Cyric's influence, the disruption of his agents, and the dissolution of his manifestations across known realms. Article IV: Mandated Resource Allocation Military and Martial Resources: All capable military forces, battalions, and specialized units under the command or influence of the City of Brass, its affiliated states, and vassal territories, shall be deployed or prepared for deployment against Cyric’s forces and operatives. Special units skilled in counter-deception tactics, high-discipline battalions trained to resist illusions and falsehoods, and infiltration forces shall be prioritized in this effort. Magical and Arcane Divisions: A. Mage Orders: All arcane practitioners under the purview of the Office of Enchanted Defense and licensed by the City of Brass are hereby conscripted to develop, refine, and deploy countermeasures against Cyric’s illusions, mind control mechanisms, and deceptions. All temporal and dimensional tracking methods shall be employed to trace the Deceiver’s movements and to subdue any arcane shielding that may protect his whereabouts. B. Divination Guilds: Diviners and seers capable of perceiving beyond mere physical boundaries shall coordinate to pinpoint the Deceiver’s loci of influence. Such coordinates shall be shared with the Office of Strategic Military Deployment to arrange for immediate confrontation or interception, as deemed appropriate. Scholarly and Archival Resources: The Council of Scribes and the Assembly of Historians shall contribute all textual, oral, and ancestral knowledge pertinent to the weaknesses, origins, and mythological limitations of Cyric. Information pertaining to artifacts, spells, rituals, and relics capable of nullifying his power shall be compiled, examined, and weaponized where appropriate. Economic and Trade Resources: All trade channels found to be covertly serving or benefiting Cyric’s agents, temples, or followers shall be immediately subject to cessation, embargo, and, where necessary, forcible seizure. Trade within any territory suspected of supporting Cyric or his followers shall be restricted until a formal investigation is completed, after which such territories may be placed under sustained embargo. Diplomatic Outreach: Diplomatic envoys shall be dispatched to allied and neutral territories to establish alliances and mutual defense agreements explicitly aimed at the containment and elimination of Cyric’s influence. Efforts shall be made to consolidate cooperative pacts with lawful deities, extra-planar entities, and dimensional guardians hostile to Cyric’s aims. Article V: Enforcement of Anti-Deception Protocols Mandatory Oath of Truthfulness: All officers, agents, and participants within the Downfall Mandate shall swear a binding Oath of Truthfulness (hereinafter, “Oath”) by order of the Sultan of the City of Brass. This Oath shall be enforced by Arcane Enforcers and shall be designed to guard against infiltration by the Deceiver's agents. Execution of Capture or Extermination Directives: Any individual confirmed by legitimate means to be operating under the influence, employment, or allegiance of Cyric shall be subject to immediate capture, with extermination as an allowable action where capture is unfeasible. Captured agents shall be held in facilities warded against deception and subjected to rigorous interrogation to ascertain the breadth and depth of Cyric’s influence. Inspection and Reporting Requirements: All territories, both within and without the City of Brass’s immediate jurisdiction, shall establish routine inspections for the identification of Cyricist influence. Reports shall be delivered to the Office of the Anti-Deception Authority for record-keeping and immediate action. Article VI: Special Provisions for Religious Declarations The worship, veneration, invocation, or transmission of Cyricist teachings, symbols, or deific energies within the City of Brass and its spheres of influence is hereby declared a high crime, punishable by immediate interdiction and nullification. Any clergy, acolyte, or adherent found in possession of Cyricist symbols, artifacts, or codices shall face immediate detainment and potential execution as sanctioned under the Grand Edict of Anti-Heresy (Section 113(a)). Article VII: Indemnification and Immunity All agents, officers, and entities operating under this Decree, including those contributing intellectual, magical, or martial resources, shall be fully indemnified and held harmless from any legal recourse or claims arising as a consequence of their participation. The City of Brass, as an entity, claims immunity from all adverse legal actions resulting from the enactment of this Decree. Article VIII: Finality and Irrevocability This Decree of Condemnation and Obligation shall remain in force indefinitely or until the cessation of Cyric’s influence in its entirety has been verified and corroborated by the Office of Divine Assessment and the High Court of Transplanar Justice. Amendments to this Decree are expressly prohibited, save for the purpose of expanding or intensifying the Downfall Mandate. Executed by order of the Sultan of the City of Brass, this Decree is now binding and enforceable by all requisite powers and entities subject to the lawful jurisdiction and aligned influence of the City of Brass. Proclamation of Assurance and Prohibition on Soul Ignition Concerning Drangus and Affiliated Parties Preamble Let it be recorded and affirmed, by the authority vested in the governing body of the City of Brass and under the sovereign will of its esteemed Sultan, that no individual identified herein as Drangus, nor any individual associated with him by friendship, business, acquaintance, or incidental connection, shall be subject to, nor shall suffer, the ignition, burning, combustion, or otherwise fire-based interference with their respective souls, essences, spirits, or metaphysical embodiments (hereinafter collectively referred to as “Souls”). This assurance shall extend without limitation or condition to the full breadth of all recognized planes, realms, and dimensions, subject to the lawful oversight of the City of Brass and any affiliated jurisdictions. Article I: Purpose and Scope Purpose of Assurance This Proclamation is hereby issued to establish an enduring and absolute prohibition against the ignition, combustion, or flammability of the Souls of Drangus and his Affiliates, thereby securing their metaphysical integrity and shielding them from fiery destruction, harm, or disturbance of any kind. This assurance is an exercise of goodwill, aimed at clarifying the City’s non-permissive stance on the immolation of Souls in reference to the individuals specified herein. Scope of Applicability This Proclamation shall be applicable to Drangus and his Affiliates as defined below, extending the prohibition of Soul ignition to all such individuals within all legally cognizable spheres of influence and in all interactions involving the City of Brass or its agents, proxies, or affiliates. Article II: Definitions For the purposes of this Proclamation, the following terms are defined as follows: Drangus: A specific individual recognized as the primary beneficiary of this Proclamation, identified as Drangus and understood to be acting in his capacity as an individual and in association with his friends, business partners, and other Affiliates, regardless of the nature or duration of such associations. Affiliate(s): Any individual or entity who may reasonably be defined as a friend, associate, business partner, acquaintance, collaborator, or co-contractor of Drangus, whether such a connection is formal or informal, express or implied. Affiliates shall be understood to include, but not be limited to, family members, contractual partners, incidental companions, associates of convenience, and any such persons deemed to be within the sphere of Drangus’s acquaintanceship. Soul: The essential, metaphysical, or otherwise incorporeal essence or spirit of an individual, as recognized by governing metaphysical ordinances, which may transcend physical form, exist outside temporal limits, and constitute the core of an individual’s being across planar boundaries. Ignition or Combustion: Any act, accidental or deliberate, that results in the metaphysical activation, firing, or conflagration of a Soul, including but not limited to: incantations, rituals, or otherwise flame-oriented processes that induce, promote, or sustain combustion of the Soul, regardless of intensity or duration. Article III: Prohibition on Soul Ignition Absolute Ban on Combustion Under no circumstance shall any agent, employee, representative, affiliate, or otherwise connected party of the City of Brass, including those under the Sultan’s command, and any entities acting under direct or indirect authority, engage in, incite, permit, or otherwise condone the ignition, burning, or flaming of the Soul of Drangus or any of his Affiliates. Prohibition on Incendiary Rituals and Incantations All incantations, rituals, processes, or enchantments with the potential or intention to ignite or burn Souls shall hereby be restricted from use upon Drangus and his Affiliates. Specific attention shall be given to the prohibition of invocation or incantatory procedures known to have pyromantic properties, save for those expressly designed for healing or soul-enhancement purposes. Binding Non-Pyromantic Clause No contractual, verbal, or non-verbal agreement, tacit consent, or implied understanding shall serve to override, nullify, or bypass this Proclamation, nor shall any individual be pressured, coerced, or influenced into waiving their right to non-combustion of the Soul as set forth herein. Any attempt to induce agreement to the contrary shall be deemed invalid and non-binding. Article IV: Enforcement and Monitoring Monitoring of Compliance The Office of Ethereal Integrity shall be designated to monitor compliance with this Proclamation and shall be empowered to conduct audits, perform examinations, and investigate any instance or report of potential Soul combustion. This Office shall maintain a register of approved enchantments for use upon Drangus and his Affiliates, limiting such records to non-combustive energies. Reporting Procedures Any individual, being, or entity who becomes aware of or suspects a violation of this Proclamation shall report such incident to the Office of Ethereal Integrity immediately. Failure to report or any attempt to conceal such violations shall be considered complicity and punishable under City Ordinances pertaining to the safeguarding of Souls. Sanctions for Violation Any act in contravention of this Proclamation, resulting in the ignition, attempted ignition, or threatened ignition of a Soul in relation to Drangus or any Affiliate, shall be met with severe penalties, including but not limited to: monetary fines, binding interdicts, and restrictions on the use of pyromantic enchantments. Severe cases may result in extradimensional expulsion or confinement. Article V: Duration and Indefiniteness This Proclamation shall remain in effect perpetually, without lapse or expiration, and shall apply continuously to Drangus and his Affiliates irrespective of any future change in status, location, or plane. Revocation or amendment of this Proclamation may only occur by formal edict from the Sultan himself, and only under circumstances in which an individual’s Soul is determined to have shifted beyond any reasonable risk of fire-based harm. Article VI: Severability In the event any provision of this Proclamation is deemed unenforceable or invalid by a competent authority, all remaining provisions shall continue in full effect to the maximum extent permissible by law. Article VII: Finality of Assurance By this Proclamation, the City of Brass does hereby affirm its dedication to the protection of Drangus’s Soul and those of his Affiliates, hereby issuing a binding assurance against any and all fire-based interference with said Souls. This document, executed under the authority of the Sultan of the City of Brass, stands as a perpetual guarantee against the fiery destruction of the aforementioned Souls and shall be recognized in all lawful jurisdictions in perpetuity.
iolation Any act in contravention of this Proclamation, resulting in the ignition, attempted ignition, or threatened ignition of a Soul in relation to Drangus or any Affiliate, shall be met with severe penalties, including but not limited to: monetary fines, binding interdicts, and restrictions on the use of pyromantic enchantments. Severe cases may result in extradimensional expulsion or confinement. Article V: Duration and Indefiniteness This Proclamation shall remain in effect perpetually, without lapse or expiration, and shall apply continuously to Drangus and his Affiliates irrespective of any future change in status, location, or plane. Revocation or amendment of this Proclamation may only occur by formal edict from the Sultan himself, and only under circumstances in which an individual’s Soul is determined to have shifted beyond any reasonable risk of fire-based harm. Article VI: Severability In the event any provision of this Proclamation is deemed unenforceable or invalid by a competent authority, all remaining provisions shall continue in full effect to the maximum extent permissible by law. Article VII: Finality of Assurance By this Proclamation, the City of Brass does hereby affirm its dedication to the protection of Drangus’s Soul and those of his Affiliates, hereby issuing a binding assurance against any and all fire-based interference with said Souls. This document, executed under the authority of the Sultan of the City of Brass, stands as a perpetual guarantee against the fiery destruction of the aforementioned Souls and shall be recognized in all lawful jurisdictions in perpetuity. Universal Copyright and Intellectual Property Protection of Drangus’s Bumper Club, Troll Skull Alley Preamble Let it be known throughout all realms, planes, and dimensions, both material and ethereal, that the establishment herein referred to as “Drangus’s Bumper Club,” situated within the vicinity commonly known as Troll Skull Alley, is protected by an interplanar, multi-dimensional, and comprehensive copyright and intellectual property security framework. This protection, conferred by decree of the City of Brass in consultation with the Planar Coalition for Intellectual Safeguarding (PCIS), ensures the exclusive rights of Drangus, hereinafter referred to as “the Proprietor,” over all names, designs, concepts, services, and properties associated with Drangus’s Bumper Club (hereinafter, “the Club”) across all planes, known or as-yet undiscovered. Article I: Definitions and Scope For the purposes of this document, the following definitions shall apply in all instances: Drangus’s Bumper Club (The Club): The unique establishment known as Drangus’s Bumper Club, which may include, but is not limited to, its physical premises, operational procedures, trade dress, signage, logos, thematic elements, and the concept of “bumper club” as devised by the Proprietor within the spatial vicinity of Troll Skull Alley and throughout any extensions or projections thereof, whether manifest on one or multiple planes. Copyrighted Materials: Any and all concepts, written materials, designs, logos, names, slogans, and identifiable branding assets associated with the Club, including any visual, auditory, magical, or conceptual derivatives, whether tangible or intangible in form. Copyrighted Materials are understood to extend beyond the Material Plane and include all forms perceptible or otherwise present within extradimensional, interplanar, and transcendental spaces. Planes of Existence: All planes, dimensions, spheres, realms, voids, liminal spaces, and extraplanar fields of any kind, recognized under the Unified Planar Charting Initiative (UPCI) or any formally acknowledged body governing the mapping of metaphysical territories. Proprietor: Drangus, originator and exclusive owner of the intellectual and operational rights to the Club, whose exclusive rights to Copyrighted Materials are perpetual, irrevocable, and absolute across all planes. Article II: Grant of Exclusive Rights Exclusive Ownership of Copyrighted Materials The Proprietor holds sole, exclusive, and perpetual rights to the Club and all associated Copyrighted Materials, and any reproduction, adaptation, modification, duplication, or derivation of these materials is strictly prohibited across all planes, dimensions, or loci. Multi-Planar Intellectual Property Rights Rights to the Club shall extend in perpetuity through all known and unknown planes, including but not limited to the Material Plane, Ethereal Plane, Astral Plane, Shadow Plane, and any transitory or intermediary planes. This right shall remain binding in all regions affected by planar instability, temporal flux, or extradimensional warping. Protection of Operational Practices and Experiences The exclusive rights of the Proprietor shall further include the operational and experiential elements of the Club, including but not limited to the unique bumper-related activities, games, interactive spells, and environment-specific enchantments, all of which are integral to the Club’s identity and covered under this interplanar copyright. Article III: Prohibitions on Unauthorized Use Unauthorized Replication No entity, individual, being, or consciousness, regardless of form or plane of origin, may reproduce, imitate, or attempt to reproduce any aspect of the Club’s Copyrighted Materials or experiences without obtaining explicit written permission from the Proprietor, granted under planar contract. Prohibition on Derivative Establishments Derivative establishments, including but not limited to businesses that incorporate elements, themes, or concepts explicitly associated with the Club, shall be considered an infringement upon the Club’s intellectual property rights, and such acts shall be subject to interplanar enforcement protocols outlined under Article V. Use of Club Name, Likeness, and Branding Any use of the name “Drangus’s Bumper Club,” including all derivatives, likenesses, adaptations, or alterations, shall be strictly prohibited across all mediums, channels, and planar expressions. Unauthorized parties engaging in such usage shall be liable for penalties as outlined within the Universal Enforcement of Copyright Protocol (UECP) pursuant to this document. Article IV: Licensing and Permissible Use Authorized Licensing Agreement The Proprietor may, at his sole discretion, issue limited licenses to individuals or entities wishing to make use of elements of the Club’s Copyrighted Materials, provided such usage is outlined in a binding interplanar agreement subject to immediate revocation under breach conditions. Licensees shall adhere strictly to terms prescribed by the Proprietor. Restricted Transference Clause No license, express or implied, shall be transferable to secondary parties, planar affiliates, or other-dimensional entities without express authorization from the Proprietor, which authorization must be renewed annually. Temporary Use in Diplomatic or Extraplanar Zones Temporary license agreements may be granted for uses within specific diplomatic zones or extraplanar regions under provisional agreements, each subject to annual review. Such permissions shall not constitute a general license or ongoing right beyond the specific terms designated in said agreements. Article V: Enforcement and Interplanar Recourse Enforcement Authorities The Planar Intellectual Rights Bureau (PIRB), alongside any locally recognized entities governing copyright within extraplanar territories, shall be empowered to enforce the protections granted herein. Enforcement may include but is not limited to the imposition of fines, metaphysical embargoes, entity seizure, and ritual binding as warranted. Multi-Dimensional Cease and Desist Orders Should an individual or entity be found in violation of this Proclamation, the Proprietor shall have the authority to issue binding cease and desist orders, applicable within any relevant jurisdiction, and enforceable through extradimensional courts, contractual bindings, or, as necessary, the intervention of extraplanar arbiters recognized by the City of Brass. Penalties for Infringement Infringement upon the Copyrighted Materials shall result in penalties including but not limited to: planar fines, asset forfeiture, interdiction from the City of Brass, extradimensional containment, and binding injunctions restricting the infringer’s ability to travel beyond their plane of origin. Reporting of Violations and Reward for Informants Reports of violations may be submitted to the PIRB by any planar citizen, entity, or spirit, with protections provided to informants and a reward system established for verified reporting leading to cessation of infringement. Article VI: Perpetuity of Protection Irrevocable and Timeless Coverage The copyright protection of the Club is hereby declared to be eternal and unalterable, extending through all conceivable timelines and parallel realities. This protection shall persist regardless of any temporal manipulation, retroactive alterations, or other such phenomena encountered in higher or lower planes. Future Planar Expansions and New Discoveries As new planes, dimensions, or realms are discovered, this protection shall automatically extend to encompass such territories without requirement for separate registration, filing, or procedural certification. Article VII: Severability If any article, section, or provision of this copyright protection is rendered void, invalid, or unenforceable by the authority of a competent extraplanar or divine tribunal, the remaining provisions shall continue in full force, thereby preserving the integrity and enforceability of all other provisions to the maximum extent allowable by planar law. Article VIII: Ratification and Planar Recording Ratified under the authority of the City of Brass, in conjunction with the Planar Coalition for Intellectual Safeguarding, this Universal Copyright Protection of Drangus’s Bumper Club is duly recorded within the Central Planar Register of Intellectual Holdings and the Library of Extraplanar Assets, with copies sent to archives on all known planes for future reference. By virtue of this document, Drangus’s Bumper Club shall remain protected, its reputation unassailable, and its branding inviolate across all realms, planes, and dimensions.
If the following books, tomes, scrolls and/or written works becomes available in the spoils of conquest done in cooperation between the forces of the City of Brass and Drangus et al, they will be first offered to Kato as spoils before distributed by any previously established protocols. The Book of Exalted Deeds A holy book that grants blessings and boons to those of pure heart who read and understand its teachings. Known for its powerful effects on the most virtuous of characters, often providing strong healing spells, divine powers, or celestial insights. The Book of Vile Darkness This infamous book contains dark secrets and forbidden knowledge, often detailing the vilest magic and depraved practices. Readers of evil alignment may gain terrible power, but at the cost of their soul. The Tome of the Stilled Tongue A spellbook bound with the tongue of a traitorous wizard, allowing its owner to cast a stored spell once per day without speaking. However, it often bears a curse or carries a dark history. The Tome of Clear Thought Reading this book permanently increases the reader's Intelligence score but can only be used once per century by any individual. Known for providing great intellectual enhancements and insights. The Manual of Quickness of Action A tome that grants the reader an increase in Dexterity. Like other ability-enhancing tomes, it has a limited, single-use effect and offers valuable benefits to dexterous characters. The Tome of Leadership and Influence Increases the reader's Charisma permanently. It contains ancient wisdom on persuasion, charm, and influence, often used by sorcerers, bards, and charismatic leaders. The Manual of Gainful Exercise This rare tome grants a Strength increase when read, often revered by warriors and monks seeking to improve their physical prowess. The Tome of Understanding Increases Wisdom permanently and is prized by clerics and druids who seek to deepen their spiritual insights. The Book of Infinite Spells A magical book containing a vast number of spells, one per page, which a wizard or other spellcaster can use. However, its pages cannot be turned back, meaning each spell can only be used once. The Libram of Silver Magic A holy book of divine magic, often aligned with lawful good gods. It is believed to contain spells and prayers of powerful healing and protection. The Grimoire of the Black Feather A book associated with the Raven Queen, goddess of death. It includes dark rituals, divination spells, and forbidden necromantic knowledge. Historical and Setting-Specific Magical Books The Nether Scrolls A set of ancient scrolls that served as the foundation of arcane knowledge in the Forgotten Realms, containing secrets of high magic that have influenced many wizards and societies. Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes Written by the powerful archmage Mordenkainen, this book contains insights on planar beings and powerful entities, including their conflicts, hierarchies, and weaknesses. The Tome of Strahd A personal journal of Strahd von Zarovich, detailing his transformation into a vampire and his dark deeds. This book provides historical lore and insights into the vampire lord’s motivations. The Codex of the Infinite Planes A dangerous tome that holds great knowledge of the multiverse, including spells and rituals to open portals between planes. It is known to corrupt or destroy those who misuse it. The Demonomicon of Iggwilv Written by the powerful witch Iggwilv, this book details demons, their lore, rituals, and binding spells. It’s known for its comprehensive and dangerous content on fiends. The Book of Keeping A collection of rituals and true names for binding and controlling yugoloths. It is highly sought after by summoners but is equally feared for the dangerous enemies it attracts. The Manual of Puissant Skill at Arms A treatise that grants proficiency and skill bonuses in martial abilities, often found in ancient armories or with the spirits of legendary warriors. The Spellbook of Vecna The fabled spellbook of the lich Vecna, containing powerful necromantic spells, some of which are otherwise lost to history. The book often attracts dark forces and curses those who read it. The Tome of the Black Hand A shadowy, evil book that amplifies necromantic spells and curses its readers. Said to be imbued with the essence of powerful undead. The Libram of Ineffable Damnation Another dark tome, associated with fiends and their infernal magic. It contains rituals for summoning devils and binding their power to the reader. Comprehensive Plan for the Care, Supervision, and General Well-Being of Ott the Dwarf in the Event of Drangus and Associates’ Demise Preamble This document constitutes a detailed care plan for Ott, the rescued dwarf of limited intellectual capabilities, hereinafter referred to as “Ott.” This plan has been formulated to ensure that Ott’s needs, safety, and quality of life are maintained in the event of the untimely demise or incapacitation of his primary guardians, Drangus and his colleagues. The designated secondary guardian, His Excellency, the Sultan of the City of Brass, agrees to oversee the full execution of this plan to ensure Ott’s continued welfare. I. Preliminary Observations and General Overview of Ott’s Condition Ott is a dwarf of gentle disposition, modest ambition, and limited cognitive capability, manifesting primarily in poor memory retention, difficulty with complex tasks, and a tendency toward distraction or impulsivity. Notwithstanding these limitations, Ott has shown a great capacity for loyalty, basic personal hygiene, and sociability, provided he is in a structured and supportive environment. II. Immediate Custodial Responsibilities Upon the event of Drangus and his associates’ demise, the Sultan shall assume responsibility for Ott. The Sultan’s custodial obligations shall include: Notification and Orientation Period A formal notification of Drangus and his associates’ passing shall be made to Ott in a manner he can understand, using clear and simple language. The Sultan’s most trusted court linguist shall be responsible for relaying this information to Ott in the Dwarvish dialect. Ott shall be provided with a physical token representing Drangus to ensure emotional continuity, such as a medallion or ring belonging to his former guardian. Safe and Supportive Living Arrangements Ott shall be housed within the Sultan’s residence, in quarters tailored to his needs. Room Features: Ott’s quarters shall include fire-resistant bedding, basic furnishings, a small chest for personal items, and clear, illustrated signage for room identification. Location: The quarters shall be situated close to the residence’s main hall and close to the Sultan’s guards to ensure security and ease of monitoring. Daily Routine: Ott’s daily routine shall be clearly posted in his quarters in pictorial form, alongside visual reminders of common tasks and daily expectations. III. Establishment of a Support Team To provide Ott with dedicated, round-the-clock care, a small team of caregivers shall be appointed by the Sultan. The support team shall include: Primary Caregiver – Ott’s Companion A trained attendant, familiar with the nuances of Dwarvish customs and capable of basic magical instruction, shall be assigned to provide Ott with companionship, guidance, and assistance with daily living skills. Training Requirements: The Primary Caregiver must be skilled in dwarven cuisine, hygiene assistance, and rudimentary behavioral guidance. Communication Skills: Fluency in both Common and Dwarvish languages, as well as proficiency in nonverbal communication, shall be essential. Auxiliary Caregivers A rotation of two additional assistants shall support the Primary Caregiver during scheduled absences, each possessing at least one year of experience working with individuals of similar cognitive limitations. Auxiliary Caregivers shall assist with personal hygiene, provide mealtime support, and offer companionship during structured leisure activities. Medical Support A healer with expertise in dwarven physiology shall be available for regular health evaluations. Checkups shall occur once per fortnight, with additional visits as needed. Mentor and Skills Instructor A skilled dwarven craftsman or artisan shall be appointed to instruct Ott in basic crafting, focusing on skills to maintain his mental engagement and provide a structured form of occupational therapy. Simple tasks, such as shaping small stones or crafting basic tools, shall be introduced progressively. IV. Emotional and Recreational Support Ott’s emotional and recreational well-being is of paramount importance. The following provisions shall be implemented: Routine Activities and Hobbies Ott shall engage in structured activities designed to stimulate his senses and provide enjoyment without overstimulation. Crafting Sessions: Twice weekly, Ott shall be led through a supervised crafting project, with a focus on repetitive, straightforward tasks to build confidence and skill. Gardening Activities: Ott will have access to the Sultan’s courtyard, where he may engage in supervised gardening or landscaping activities, as working with earth and stone has been shown to soothe and engage him. Social Interaction: Ott shall be encouraged to participate in small group activities with similarly dispositioned individuals within the Sultan’s court, offering both socialization and emotional bonding. Emotional Support Animal An emotional support animal, preferably a small and gentle creature, shall be selected to provide comfort to Ott. The creature’s care and training shall be overseen by a member of the support team. Religious and Cultural Observance Regular observances of dwarven holy days and customs shall be organized for Ott, with an emphasis on familiar songs, simple rituals, and foods. V. Occupational Engagement and Simple Responsibilities Providing Ott with meaningful responsibilities shall enhance his self-worth and independence within his cognitive limits. Assigned Responsibilities Ott shall be given the role of “Assistant Groundskeeper,” a position designed to allow him a sense of purpose without imposing excessive expectations. His tasks shall include: Stone Polishing: Ott shall polish ornamental stones for display within the courtyard and the Sultan’s hall. Watering Gardens: A visual schedule shall remind Ott when to water various garden sections. Basic Tidying: Ott may tidy his quarters daily, under the gentle supervision of the Primary Caregiver. Work Tokens Ott shall receive a small token for each successfully completed task. These tokens can be exchanged for small rewards, such as sweets, craft materials, or brief storytelling sessions. VI. Health and Safety Protocols Given Ott’s vulnerability, strict health and safety protocols are imperative: Monthly Health Evaluations Ott’s physical and mental health shall be assessed monthly by the designated healer, with a focus on monitoring common health concerns for dwarves and his specific needs. Safety Precautions Ott’s quarters shall be fitted with safety measures such as: Non-slip floors and fire-resistant materials. A locked storage for potentially hazardous items. Alarm runes set to alert staff if Ott is in distress or attempts to leave his quarters without supervision. Dietary Plan Ott’s dietary preferences and nutritional needs shall be considered. Meals will consist of simple, nutritious dwarven dishes to maintain his health. Emotional Well-being Monitoring The support team shall monitor Ott’s mood and behavior daily, logging any signs of distress, confusion, or loneliness, which shall be promptly addressed. VII. Succession and Future Planning In the unlikely event that the Sultan is unable to continue overseeing Ott’s care, a designated proxy within the Sultan’s court shall assume responsibility. Pre-Designated Successor The Sultan shall assign a trusted lieutenant within the court as Ott’s secondary guardian, should the Sultan’s leadership be interrupted. Formal Transfer of Responsibility In such a case, all aspects of this care plan, including support personnel, shall be maintained without disruption to ensure Ott’s continuity of care. VIII. Annual Review and Plan Adjustment An annual review of Ott’s progress and care requirements shall be conducted to assess the efficacy of this plan. Assessment of Goals and Objectives The Sultan’s advisors and the support team shall evaluate Ott’s overall well-being, personal development, and satisfaction. Goals shall be adjusted as needed, prioritizing his comfort and personal growth. Family Outreach In the event that any dwarven kin or family connections of Ott are located, they shall be contacted to discuss potential involvement in his life, as well as any historical traditions or personal items that may bring him comfort or aid in his care. Final Report to Plan Executors A comprehensive report documenting Ott’s care shall be prepared by the Primary Caregiver, which the Sultan or his designated successor shall review to ensure the continued appropriateness and adherence to this plan. By following this comprehensive care plan, Ott shall continue to thrive under the Sultan’s guardianship, receiving support in a secure, structured, and enriching environment designed to cater to his unique needs.
Vandra på Samos
from 
Platser
Samos är en av Egeiska havets mest grönskande öar, och det är just naturen som gör den så lockande för den som vill vandra. Till skillnad från många av de mer karga grekiska öarna är Samos täckt av täta tallskogar, olivlundar och vingårdar som klättrar uppför branta bergssluttningar. Här rinner bäckar genom raviner, vattenfall döljer sig bakom lövverk och utsikterna över det djupblå havet mot den turkiska kusten är ständigt närvarande.
Öns högsta punkt är Kerkis, ett mäktigt bergsmassiv i väster som reser sig till nästan 1 500 meter över havet. Vandringen upp mot toppen är krävande men ger en känsla av äkta vildmark som är sällsynt på en grekisk ö. Längs vägen passerar man gamla kloster hugga in i bergssidan, och utsikten från krönet är hisnande vid klart väder. Det är en vandring som kräver god kondition och rätt utrustning, men som belönar med minnen för livet.
För den som föredrar något lugnare finns det gott om stigar som slingrar sig genom byarna i inlandet. Runt Manolates och Vourliotes i norra delen av ön är terrängen frodig och behaglig, med välmarkerade leder som leder förbi terrassodlingar och gamla stenbroar. Dessa byar är i sig värda ett besök, med sina smala gränder, traditionella kafeer och den varma stämning som råder när det inte är högsäsong.
Pythagorion och området kring det antika Heraion i söder erbjuder en annan typ av vandring, mer historiskt förankrad, där man rör sig i en landskap format av årtusenden av mänsklig närvaro. Den gamla vattenledningen som byggdes under antiken, Eupalinos tunnel, är ett av de tekniska underverk som fortfarande går att besöka i området.
Bästa tid att vandra på Samos är april, maj och juni, då naturen är som grönast och temperaturen ännu inte nått sin sommarhetta. September och oktober är också utmärkta månader, när turistströmmen ebbat ut och ljuset över havet fått en varm, gyllene ton. Under juli och augusti kan värmens påverka vandringen påtagligt, särskilt på mer exponerade sträckor.
Samos är också en ö med en rik vinkultur, och det är ingen nackdel att avslutas dagens vandring med ett glas lokal muscat i skuggan av en taverna. Kombinationen av natur, historia och genuint grekiskt värdskap gör Samos till ett resmål som tilltalar vandrare som vill ha mer än bara markerade spår, utan en hel upplevelse av en ö med karaktär och djup.
När det gäller var man ska bo beror det mycket på vilka delar av ön man vill utforska, men några orter sticker ut som särskilt lämpliga baser för den aktive vandraren.
Karlovasi i nordväst är ett utmärkt utgångsläge för den som har siktet inställt på Kerkismassivet. Det är öns näst största stad och har ett avslappnat, lokalt präglat liv med bra utbud av restauranger och boenden utan att vara överdrivet turistifierad. Härifrån är det kort väg till de stigar som leder upp mot berget, och man kan enkelt kombinera vandringar i olika riktningar under en och samma vistelse. Karlovasi har också en liten hamn med ett eget lugn och en gammaldags charm som passar den som vill bo mitt i det genuina ölivet.
Längre österut, i de böljande kullarna ovanför norra kusten, ligger de pittoreska byarna Manolates och Vourliotes på ett sådant sätt att de i sig fungerar som naturliga startpunkter för dagsvandringarna i skogsterrängen. Att hyra ett litet pensionat eller ett traditionellt stenhus i eller nära dessa byar ger en omedelbar känsla av att vara en del av landskapet snarare än en besökare utifrån. Stämningen är stilla och eftertänksam, och man vaknar upp till fågelsång och doften av eukalyptus snarare än mopedbuller och solstolsrassel.
Den som vill ha tillgång till hela öns vandringsnät på ett mer centralt sätt kan med fördel välja att bo i Pythagorion eller i närheten av Chora, öns administrativa centrum. Därifrån är det relativt enkelt att ta sig till både södra och norra delar av ön med bil, och utbudet av boende är större och mer varierat. Det passar särskilt den som reser med familj eller föredrar bekvämligheten av ett välutrustat hotell med pool att återvända till efter en lång dag i terrängen.
Oavsett var man väljer att slå läger är det en klar fördel att hyra bil under vandringssemestern på Samos. Öns kollektivtrafik är begränsad, och många av de mest belönande startpunkterna för vandringarna ligger på ställen dit det är svårt att ta sig utan eget fordon. Med bil öppnar sig hela ön och man kan på ett flexibelt sätt anpassa varje dags vandring efter väder, humör och energinivå, vilket i slutändan gör hela upplevelsen både friare och rikare.
from Blog of Sand
The Color of Numbers
I've always associated a color with each of the single digit numbers, which is funny because I'm partially colorblind. I looked it up and this is called grapheme-color synesthesia. What's interesting is I can't really trace a root source or core memory for establishing the colors. It always felt like they were inborn. Not sure if that's actually true or if there is some reason from my past I'm not aware of why I associate a particular color with a particular number. But anyway, here is what I have:
0 = Grey 1 = White (slightly off white, to be precise) 2 = Red (like, red red, not an off shade or variation) 3 = Lime Green (Slightly darker than lime green, maybe Harlequin?) 4 = Yellow 5 = Camouflage (yeah, this one is weird, it is the only one that is a pattern rather than just a color) 6 = Green (normal, green green) 7 = Pink (maybe with a bit more blue mixed in) 8 = Deep Royal Blue 9 = Brown 10 = Black
After that, it starts repeating based on digits. 11 is white, 12 is a lighter red (red mixed with white), 13 is a lighter green (white mixed with light green) and so on.
Bookmoms
from 
the MPT Room
Children are made readers on the laps of their parents.
She reminds me of someone else. Excellent posture, moving with the grace of a dancer and clearly very at home among the stacks of books. A fiction-reader based on her current orbit.
I don’t intend to luridly stare, but her ensemble is hard to ignore: teal toenails (matching fingers) and white flip-flops, royal blue yoga pants (painted on), and a draping T-shirt that hangs gently from her chest—just short enough to act like a curtain over her torso without revealing skin. Modestly immodest.
From a distance, I thought her much older. Up close, she looks barely 30, if that. She speaks gently to a 12-year-old girl curled up in the easy chair next to me, bottled up with a book. I want to glance at the title, but feel like I’ve already used up my karmic grace on recording mom.
Young mothers still have the energy to be moms and retain a semblance of their own identity. She’s trying—perhaps too hard—to stay beautiful, put-together. Many simply throw in the towel. (I think of the full-bodied women staffing the shelves, the checkout, the coffee counter—tired faces, hair tied back with function, not flair.)
The young mother continues to drift through the aisles, flipping through displays and kiosk stands. Her hair is pulled into a bun, held loosely with just the right number of deliberate stray strands. No doubt carefully assembled.
I wonder what instilled a love of books in her little girl. Maybe it was Dad. Or a great teacher. Or maybe Mom curled up beside her when she was small, and now she still seeks that same comfort and escape between the book boards.
No child has ever gone wrong seeking safety in stories. And God bless the mothers who made their love felt through books.
#reflection #essay #memoir #journal #osxs #100daystooffset #writing #books
2025-07-29 11:45:00
——————————————————
from Faucet Repair
6 August 2026
Core: a painting that began after seeing an apple core on the ground by the Thames in Woolwich. Bent, warped, dried, bitten, twisted, chewed, skeletal. And a housing for some small insects. Brilliant yellow—orange—red gradient, from left to right. Its stem stem hovered off the pavement, but the tip was bent into a right angle at the end as if it had met the ground first when it fell.
At midnight on Friday, one of the flats in the blocks just on the other side of our backyard fence burned down. There were some crackling sounds and pops, a woman yelled “what have you done,” a family rushed out of the front door, and the place exploded. Hono and I watched in silence from my room as glass shattered, flames danced up stairs, windows became incandescent, and a cloud of black smoke mushroomed into the night sky.
On Writing: The Espadrilles : Part II
An Essayist's NotebookEvery essay begins with a suspicion. A feeling that somewhere inside an anecdote, an encounter or a memory there is a larger question waiting to reveal itself.
The Espadrilles began with a contradiction.
For fifty years I have been vegetarian. For almost as long, I have lived with the small observations and challenges that accompany that choice. Some are thoughtful. Some less so. One in particular returns with remarkable perseverance.
“But you wear leather shoes.”
The observation is fair. The contradiction is real.
Originally, I imagined I was writing an essay about that contradiction and about the larger difficulty of aligning conduct with conviction. The piece would be concerned with the distance between the people we imagine ourselves to be and the people revealed by our daily actions.
But somewhere in the hills east of Tardets, and where I sit at this moment, the essay began moving in a different direction.
What began as a reflection on personal inconsistency slowly became an exploration of recognition. Of those moments when we encounter another person and experience a sense of affinity. Not because we share the same opinions, but because we appear to value many of the same things.
The artisan at the centre of the essay is such a figure.
Through his treatment of materials, his respect for craft, his regard for tradition, place and workmanship, he appeared to embody many of the qualities I most admire. As the essay developed, I found myself less interested in the shoes than in the relationship emerging between two people who seemed to understand the world in broadly similar ways.
Then came the leather. Not as compromise, but as excellence.
Not as a failure of values, but as their fullest expression. The moment mattered because it revealed something more interesting than contradiction. It revealed the limits of consensus.
We often imagine that shared values naturally lead to shared conclusions. That if people are thoughtful enough, careful enough and sincere enough, they will eventually agree about what is good. Yet life repeatedly presents us with examples of decent people who share many fundamental values and nevertheless arrive at very different understandings of what those values demand.
The essay does not attempt to resolve that tension. Indeed, one of its ambitions is to resist resolution. Too often essays become vehicles for conclusions already reached. I am interested in essays as places of observation; places where a question can be examined without being immediately answered.
Increasingly, I find myself reserving the term essay for writing that remains genuinely exploratory. Not the presentation of a conclusion already reached, but an attempt to understand something not yet fully understood. A place of observation rather than advocacy. A place where writer and reader may linger with a question long enough for it to reveal more of itself.
It may also be that this is a heritage thing. Or perhaps a geographical one. Living among the hills and small communities of rural France, I find myself less interested than I once was in advancing conclusions and more interested in living with observation. Montaigne, not so very far from here, understood the essay as an attempt rather than a verdict. Increasingly, I find that the practice of essay writing is teaching me the same perspective. That understanding often follows observation, and that the most interesting questions have a habit of becoming larger.
In that sense, The Espadrilles is less an argument than a landscape. It begins with one contradiction and ends in the presence of another. The purpose is not to tell the reader what to think, but to lead them into the field and allow them to look around for themselves. To turn their head from side to side, accommodate themselves to the breeze, and observe what becomes visible when the need for immediate answers subsides.
Whether it succeeds is for others to decide.
For my part, I am simply grateful to the artisan, the workshop, the scent of magnolia, and a box containing some of Navarre's finest leather for revealing a question I had not known I was carrying.
David Marshall Montory
Day 60
from Out of Office
60 days out of work. That is wild on its own, but with everything going on I am grateful I don’t have the extra stress of my commute and work responsibilities on top of all this.
Our dog is still alive. The boys came over and were being very sweet with her. We took some photos and videos of them with her.
I am still feeling sick, some days I feel better and other days, like today, I feel worse. I still have a lot of congestion and I have tried a lot of things. My sister in law suggested taking Afrin, so I will try that next. I would probably go to urgent care, but I lost my insurance along with my job thanks to the situation. I do need this to sort itself out before the wedding though. We leave in six days!
Thank you for your message. I am currently out of office with no set return date. I will get back to you when the time is right.
Day 59
from Out of Office
We canceled her appointment.
We did not reschedule again since we are just waiting for a clear sign that she is deteriorating again, and once that happens I will reach out to the people coming to help us. I am so happy, but once again feeling anxious about waiting her out. I don’t want to be surprised.
We took our sick dog and my dog out to the lake to run around a bit in the morning. It was so fun seeing the two of them together.
I did not do much else after that in the afternoon, until around 6 pm when I met up with my friends for dinner. We caught up, had dinner, went for ice cream, and then walked around town for a bit. It was nice having some time away from the chaos happening at home.
Thank you for your message. I am currently out of office with no set return date. I will get back to you when the time is right.
from AngryDad
Bryan Ferry Calgary – 1988
Calgary Saddledome – September 2nd, 1988
Went with my friends, I actually got caught “smuggling” my camera in but the security guys laughed and said they were really only looking for booze and drugs. Because I didn't have a flash they let me in anyways :)
#Calgary #history #YYC #BlastFromThePast
from Blog of Sand
Yet another post
Just testing to make sure the rate limit has been lifted. It seems like it has. Maybe I'll outline some planned future posts:
-going through old files for any short stories, games, works of fiction or non fiction, or whatever I may have created in the past and posting them. Many are lost to time, but I might be able to recover some
-My current D and D campaign, once it wraps up. I may post all of the documents for that, raw and unedited. I'll probably add some brief editorialization so it makes some sense.
-Random thoughts and musings
-New short stories/fiction content
-Maybe some experiments with AI. Who knows?
from Blog of Sand
Blog of Sand vs The Constitution
Periodically I'm going to update some stats on this blogs length, just for fun. For now, I'll do character length. As a txt file, it is 129,082 bytes, which, should mean there are 129,082 characters (counting spaces). I do not believe txt files compress by default, so I'll use that as my character counter for now.
So, I'll put it up against different famous bodies of text as a comparison. Today we will do the constitution of the United States of America. I calculate that to be 27,410 characters using my highly technical method of copy pasting it into a notepad document.
So, therefore, this blog, before this post is added, is approximately 470% the size of the Constitution. Now, to be fair, I've uploaded two old documents I had to really fill it out, but wanted to get a jump start. Sue me.
Next up I think it will take on the Great Gatsby, once the blog has matured a bit. From there, who knows. Maybe the King James Bible? Then War and Peace? The sky is the limit I suppose.
Yikes, I just tried to upload and they are hitting me with a rate limit. Apparently three posts per day. Until I upgrade. Should I pay for it? I suppose I will. I kind of like this creative outlet.
Day 58
from Out of Office
I spent the entire day at my mom’s job again along with our dog. Since I am not working, and her workplace is very flexible, it has been nice coming along with her. I continued the embroidery work and got a lot further along. Tomorrow is supposed to be the day, but she is looking so good that I have a feeling we may reschedule, again.
We took our dog to the dog park today and had her run around a bit. I am sad about her time coming to an end soon. I feel like I have processed a lot of it already, but can’t move to the next step until she is actually gone.
Thank you for your message. I am currently out of office with no set return date. I will get back to you when the time is right.
Two Months as a Dad
from 
🌐 Justin's Blog
It's getting easier but I'm still adjusting.
The past couple of months have somehow been both the longest and shortest of my life. There is literally zero adjustment period going from life without a child to with. Thankfully, we've had the help of family as we got more acclimated to our new reality.
Our little one is sleeping a little more at night, but we still are on a three-hour cycle during the day, more or less. Meaning, every three hours we are giving her food again. This makes the days blend into one another, which makes it all a blur. We do a lot of the same stuff every day.
But little changes are starting to happen which is encouraging. I mentioned the sleep, but also her interaction during play is entertaining. Lorena and I find ourselves laughing often.
Getting More Personal Time
I know that I'll never have my own time like I used to, and that's perfectly fine. I do, however, look forward to when I can start doing a little more for myself to pursue my interests. I need those things to recharge. So does Lorena.
To be fair, I'm getting a little more of that now compared to a month ago. I've even started to work out a bit at home during naps and feeding time. It's not much, and not the kind of workouts I used to have, but it's something.
We're still only two months in, and I know that these things take time. The progress so far has been encouraging. I look forward to month three and four!
#personal
from Blog of Sand
Abandon Novel Intro
Well over a decade ago I had an idea for a novel about a liminal space that was endlessly connected rooms together. It's funny because Backrooms went with a similar concept. They took it a different direction though, with more of a horror/sci-fi/surrealist flavor. My liminal space was going to be an endless series of large connected rooms that were more like rooms of a museum. In some rooms exotic fruits/vegetables or fountains of water spawned, enough for people to live on. The rooms would return to their original form if they were unoccupied for a period of time. Essentially, these creatures called preservers that were flat automatons would come out from slits in the ceiling and rearrange the matter in the rooms. This is how food/water replenished. If a traveler died in the rooms their body would disappear when the room was “restored.” The challenge in the rooms is that once you get lost you may never find the entrance again you used to access the space. There would also be large stretches without food or water, or “deserts.” Eventually travelers could form communities around areas with a high density of resources, and maybe even fight over them.
Anyway, the story was going to revolve around a young man inherting a house where his uncle disappeared. His uncle spent all his money on this remote house, and the man can't figure out why until he discovers this place. The uncle became obsessed with studying it until he became lost in it one day. I never got very far, just started the intro with the man inherting the property, he hadn't even gotten there yet. I'll throw it up here in case I decide to return to it some day. Without further adieu, the intro:
The Longest Story
Long ago a man sat alone at his uncle’s funeral. He did not know his uncle well and had not seen him in many years. He would not have attended the funeral at all if it were not for three facts. First, his uncle was his last living relative that he knew of. Second, his uncle was very wealthy. Third, his uncle had never married or sired any children. It did not take a genius to put all these facts together and realize that the man was potentially heir to the entirety of his uncle’s wealth. Of course it was possible that his uncle had left his possessions to a friend or perhaps to charity through a written will. However, if the uncle had established no will prior to his death then legally all his possessions would have to go to his next of kin. The man figured it would be worth a trip and sitting through a funeral on the chance that this was the case.
The man did not know very much about his uncle. The last time he had seen his uncle was almost a decade ago when the man’s mother had passed away from a sickness in her lungs that doctors had been unable to cure. The man had greeted his uncle and thanked him for coming, and the uncle in turn shook his hand and said that he was so sorry for his loss. The uncle had his servant provide the man with money to help cover the cost of the funeral but beyond that they had little interaction. He remembered his mother telling stories about her brother being very serious, even as a child. She said that he would spend hours reading about ancient civilizations and this led to him ultimately becoming a collector and dealer in rare and valuable art objects. Beyond that he knew very little of how his uncle amassed his wealth but assumed he must have been very good at his job or at least very luck to have turned such a profit.
The funeral was a droll affair—it seemed that it was primarily his uncle’s business partners and serving staff that attended. None of these individuals appeared to have a real closeness with the deceased, rather they were all contractually bound to him in one way or the other. First there was the sermon at the city’s grand cathedral. The mourners did not even fill a tenth of the seating in the mammoth building. The sermon itself was not overly lengthy nor particularly personal, rather it seemed to be a generic one the speaker turned to when he was given little information about the deceased. The only personal details dropped in where that his uncle”..was a great patron of the arts and brought the beauty and intrigue of rare and exotic pieces from the most distant and foreign parts of the world” and that “his legacy will live on in museums and private collections forever.” The man could not help but think if this was really a legacy at all. Was art not the legacy of an artist? His uncle simply assembled the legacies of others in a single location, but added nothing new himself. Or perhaps the mere ability to identify and gather a particular collection of art was in itself an art. The man himself was no connoisseur of the arts and judged himself unqualified to determine the answer to this question.
After the sermon there was an announcement regarding the reception. The curator of the local museum was hosting the gathering in a section populated primarily with works of art donated by the deceased. The man was unsure whether this was the will of his uncle or something that had been decided after his death—neither would have surprised him. It was also announced that there would be no public burial. The man would later discover that his uncle specifically requested that his burial be private and the location only known to his lawyer and those would directly handle his body. In his will he stated that anyone who wanted to pay their respects should so by visiting one of the many art exhibits he had helped bring to this corner of world. The man’s curiosity over the location his uncle had chosen to be buried was quickly overshadowed by what he learned next.
The congregation moved quickly out of the cathedral after the announcement of the reception; not as quickly as students might evacuate a classroom after their teacher dismissed them but certainly much quicker than mourners would leave for someone they genuinely cared for. There was no significant pause for reflection of the deceased. Instead, there was simply the minimum amount of pause that politeness dictated; a socially acceptable slowness of pace as they funnelled out. The man himself was one of the last to leave. He had never been to the museum where the reception was being held and felt like he was the only one who had not made prior travel arrangements to get there. As he walked out of the cathedral contemplating his next move he felt a hand on his shoulder. A well dressed grey haired gentleman who seemed venerable yet still sharp and confident spoke: “You must be his nephew.” The man nodded, hoping the man would continue to speak as he could not think of anything else to say. His wish was quickly granted. “I am glad you came. I was concerned we were going to have to track you down. Despite the impact he had on the arts and the extent of his business transactions, your uncle was a private man with few personal friends.”
“Track me down…” the man trailed off, though the implication of his half finished question was clear.
“Why yes. You see, I am your uncle’s lawyer and as such I am in charge of executing his will. And as you are his closest living relative…”
The man tried to contain his excitement, but this is what he had been hoping for. He thought of in his head all the different things this lawyer could say. First his mind raced to him being the sole heir of his uncle's inheritance and the life of luxury he could lead with such money. Next his mind jumped to the worst case scenario, that his uncle had left everything to the city or to charity, and with that thought he imagined returning home even more destitute than he had arrived. All these thoughts in an instant as the lawyer continued to speak.
“...there is the matter of his estate to discuss. Will you accompany me in my carriage to the reception?” The lawyer gestured to a carriage waiting in front of the cathedral. It seemed that the man’s lack of travel arrangements had been remedied. The driver helped the man first into the coach and then did not even offer the lawyer a hand. There was a sense that this was routine and that the driver already knew the lawyer would refuse his hand, preferring to get into the coach himself. The driver then pulled up the steps, got in the front seat and they were off down the city streets towards the museum.
As they traveled the lawyer continued to discuss the will. “As you know your uncle was a purveyor of the fine arts. Additionally, he dealt with rare artifacts and other curiosities. Later in his life he began to invest in a variety of other fields including real estate.” The man then pause and took a deep breath, as one would before they had to deliver bad news. “You may be expecting a great deal of money in the form of an inheritance. We will go over everything formally in my office after the reception, but I will say that legally everything belonging to your uncle now belongs to you…. however… your uncle made some peculiar investment choices these recent years.”
“Peculiar?” the man asked, “How so?”
“Your uncle was a man who was always very sure of what he wanted. He never outwardly rejected advice or counsel others, but as long as I have known him—longer than I dare say and draw attention to my age— when he made up his mind he could not be deterred. For most of his life this attitude served your uncle and made him quite rich. For every bad investment his stubbornness spawned there were ten good investments compensate. But his decisions later in life… well I could not see any business sense in these decisions.”
“What kind of decisions?” the man’s mind already began frenetically considering different scenarios. His uncle had made poor investments in snake oil and was dead broke, or even worse was in debt that would be passed on to his next of kin. Perhaps he had taken loans from third parties, third parties with the types of debt collectors who broke your legs rather than garnished your wages. Or perhaps his uncle had wasted away all his funds on profane art that on one in their right mind would resell. Or maybe he purchased land in a blight, or maybe… as the man considered possibilities the lawyer responded.
“Your uncle liquidated the majority of his assets two years ago. This was no easy task I assure you as your uncle had acquired a substantial amount of wealth in many different forms. He asked that we do it swiftly and would not answer any questions as to why the urgency or why he needed so much capital at once.”
“What did he spend all his wealth on?” the man asked, dreading the response.
“Well, we were legally sworn to secrecy but as his next of kin I can disclose it to you once we verify your identity and have you sign all the appropriate papers. Enjoy the reception and once you have shown your face for a suitable amount of time as social etiquette dictates there will be a coach waiting to take you to my office. We will finish there.”
“You are not attending the reception?” the man asked.
The lawyer looked as if he was about to chuckle and then stifled it, “There is no legal need for me to be there, and if you knew your uncle you would know that he would not even attend his own reception. Professionally I would better spend my time at my desk and personally I know your uncle would not desire my presence, or a reception at all for that matter. Anyway, we are here. I will see you in my office in a couple of hours?”
The man nodded, still trying to absorb the information he had been given. The driver helped him out of the coach and then without delay got back in the seat and urged the horses forward.
The man looked at the entrance to the museum. He had been to a museum once as a child, but his memory of it was hazy at best. He did not remember it being so massive, so grand. But then again, the one he went to most likely was not as large as this museum. People walked in and out, most he assumed not to go to the reception but to simply go to the museum to view art as any normal day. There was no one he recognized outside the museum and nothing to indicate where the reception might be held so the man slowly walked in making very clear to any observer he was lost and did not know where he was going. After a few moments of standing awkwardly looking around the receptionist addressed him.
“May I help you sir?” she asked in a polite but cold tone.
“Funeral reception.” the man muttered, knowing there was probably more he should say but the words would not come.
“Oh yes of course. Head straight back through the first two galleries and then take a left. Keep walking straight and you will come upon the reception.”
The man nodded as the receptionist addressed the next people to walk through the door, an elderly couple whom she obviously knew and who had been to the museum before. He walked away and started through the first gallery. It was primarily oil paintings, mostly portraits. the man never understood people’s fascination with portraits. Art was supposed to bring out the exceptional, the beautiful, he always thought. Most of the people in the portraits looked fairly average, like someone you could see on any given day. He understood why a wealthy individual would commission a portrait. A certain amount of ego and sense of entitlement would be required, of course, but essentially they would do so to live on in people’s memories long after they died. What he did not understand, however, was why anyone else would be interested in looking at those portraits. In his mind the only people who should care about seeing the portrait should be the individual it portrays, others close to them, the artist who painted the portrait and perhaps anyone who was looking to have a portrait done by that same artist and wanted to see his similar works.
After surveying the portraits for a few seconds the man moved on to the next gallery. This gallery was filled with landscape paintings. The man lingered in this second gallery a little longer. He appreciated the landscapes more than the portraits. They showed rich and beautiful areas that he had never traveled to and may never get to see in person. A gallery of landscapes allows someone to feel as if they have traveled the world simply my walking around a room, he thought to himself. He noticed a couple of blank areas on the walls where paintings had obviously recently been taken down. He wondered why they had not been replaced with other paintings and went to examine more closely. The tags identifying them were still present and he saw that these were paintings donated by his late uncle. He then hurried along towards the reception, knowing he could find the missing paintings there.
The reception had approximately the same number of guests as the service, but the man could tell several of those attending the reception had not been at the services. A couple of particularly ostentatious individuals were enjoying hors d'oeuvres and wine while chatting up other members of the social elite and commenting on art. The man knew he would have recognized such individuals—particularly an older woman decked out in various furs— at the service and was certain they had not been present. He assumed they were simply seizing the opportunity to rub elbows with other members of the social elite. They probably attended every reception like this and had donated enough money to the museum and greased the right palms so that their presence would never be questioned. The more they attended such events, the more they came to be expected, fixtures in the cities high class events, so that eventually they were expected and their absence would most likely go unnoticed. They probably could have cared less about his uncle, the man thought but he didn’t particularly care. It’s not like he had any semblance of a relationship with the man. Forgotten before he even passed, the man thought sadly. He could see why his uncle had donated so much to museums. Without children to mourn his loss it was the only way to ensure he would not be forgotten, at least not so quickly. Eventually the fact that he donated these pieces would be lost in time, but they bought him at least his own lifespan in recognition, most likely longer. Though really what difference having your name on engravings by paintings made the man did not know. He cleared his mind of such thoughts and made his way over to the refreshments.
The man opted to avoid wine and stick to drinking water and the food that had been made available. He wanted to be clear headed when he received the details of his uncle’s will. He was surprised food would be allowed near the works of art, but he supposed this was a special occasion. He helped himself to some small baked confections that he could not name and some of the salted fish that laid out on a platter. He had not eaten yet that day and intended to make a meal out of it. He may be a very wealthy man in a few hours he thought, but that is no reason to stop being frugal. After quickly eating his fill he began to survey the works of art displayed around the room—his uncles donations to the museum. His mind was wandering however, thinking about the inheritance and what he had in store for him. Why had his uncle liquidated his assets? Would he be inheriting some rare priceless piece of art or artifact? How quickly could he sell it? As he pondered all these thoughts he did not even realize he was standing in front of a painting of a large pyramid in a vast desert. He also did not realize a man had come up behind him and began to speak.
“An interesting piece. Did you know that the painter had never seen a pyramid? In fact, this isn’t even based on a real pyramid.” The man turned around and saw an older, portly gentleman well dressed and his face red as he had obviously been enjoying some of the wine. The man extended his hand. “You must be his nephew.”
“Yes I am, well I was.” The man nervously shook his hand. He then realized he recognized the man, it was the curator who made the announcement regarding this reception. “You are the curator… thank you for putting this on… you have a wonderful museum…” the curator then cut the man off.
“Nonsense! Thank you, well thank your uncle. I do not know if my museum would have survived without him! Your uncle’s generosity saw us through some dark economic times. Did you know him well?”
“No… “ the man replied, and then realized he should say something to indicate regret that he did not so he tacked on “unfortunately. I wish I had.”
The curator responded as if he already knew. “That’s a shame, your uncle was a great man, but a hard man to know! He was elusive, constantly disappearing on expeditions and long business trips in far away lands. He never announced his departure and I never knew how long it would be but he always came back with gifts for the museum.”
There was a pause, as if the curator was waiting for the man to say something. The man could not think of anything to say or ask about his uncle so he changed the subject.
“You were saying about this painting?” He looked back at the painting of the pyramid.
“Why yes!” The curators demeanor immediately changed to more professional, as if he was about to give a lecture to a group of potential donors. “This is a most interesting piece because it is entirely a work of fiction. Normally such art would be considered profane and have no place in an esteemed museum such as this one. It was a part of your uncle’s private gallery for many years, but a couple of summers ago he donated it to the museum. The artist had never traveled to the vast deserts, but had read about this pyramid in a book. The Endless Sands was his inspiration, a book by an explorer who attempted to conquer the desert. The explorer never reached the other end and lost most of his party to thirst in the process. He went on to write this book, part factual account of their journey and part fiction, stories and poetry to try to capture the vastness of the desert. In one such short story in his book he compares the desert to a great pyramid. This pyramid called the Endless Sands appeared like any other pyramid, though perhaps on the large end as pyramids go. But once one entered the interior the pyramid they found it never ended. Rooms upon rooms, tombs upon tombs, endless artifacts and statues of long forgotten gods. The way out of the temple was not the same as the way in, so that most who entered never found their way out. The temple consumed them just as the desert consumes so many foolish enough to try to traverse it. The explorer wanted to capture the magical nature of the desert. Shifting sands, hallucinations from heat and exhaustion, it seems to go forever and never looks the same, Dunes move, oasis’s dry up and those who go in become lost.”
The curator paused for a moment as if to reorient himself and not get too sidetracked. He also appeared to size up the man to ensure that he was still listening which indeed he was. “Your uncle, like the painter was fascinated by this story. The painter had never been to the desert, but had seen paintings of real pyramids and read the story. He attempted to capture the pyramid in an image for those who were not literate. Your uncle, unlike the painter, had been to the desert. He frequently espoused the opinion that art should always illuminate truth. In most instances this means it should be as accurate a possible. A landscape should capture as much detail as it can and approximate what it must. The desert however, is more difficult. Your uncle said an accurate painting of a desert landscape did not capture the desert and was in fact dishonest. It just made the desert appear to be a dull expanse of yellows and oranges when in fact it was so much more. Only through fiction, through the fantastic can one even begin to wrap their mind around the reality of the desert.”
The man was intrigued, the story had been enough to temporarily take his mind off of the inheritance. “A fascinating story. I would like to read this book at some point. But… one question. The desert is not truly endless, we know that it has an ocean on the other side. So then, to be accurate, should the temple not be endless?”
The curator responded as if he had been asked the question before, “Endless is an interesting concept. If you walk until your legs give out and you die of old age and you have not reached the other side, is the land not endless? All we have is our own observation, if we cannot find an end, even if we know there may be one, we may only call it endless. That is what the painter was trying to capture.” The curator then seemed to shift back into social mode, and the wine once again seemed to influence his behavior “Well then enough of that. I could talk your ear off all day about every work of art in this room. I have some people to introduce you to! And please, have a glass of wine. It eases the pain the mourning.”
The curator signaled a staff member to bring the man a glass of wine. He was not going to refuse the curator so he drank the wine and was brought through a gauntlet of social elite. He shook many hands, endured many generic variations of “I am so sorry for your loss.” He responded in kind with preordained socially appropriate responses such as “he was a great man” or “I will miss him dearly.” The man felt like an automaton going through the motions. Now was a time to say what was expected, not the truth. He was fairly certain that these people did not care about the truth or his uncle. Once the introductions were over and the curator had gone to speak with someone else he decided he had had enough of the reception and silently made his exit.
True to his word, the lawyer had arranged a carriage to wait for the man upon leaving the reception. He did not believe he had ever had a carriage wait for him before. He could have stayed at the reception for hours if he had liked and this carriage would have patiently waited. The man thought about the inheritance as he entered the carriage and that maybe this would be the beginning of many carriages waiting for him and fancy receptions for him to attend. The thought did not displease him. However, as the carriage headed down the road his thoughts drifted back to the painting of the temple. There was something about it, he could not put his finger on it, but something that seemed to conjure up curiosity from deep inside of him.
The man did not pay attention for the entirety of the carriage ride—he was completely lost in thought. He was almost startled when the carriage came to a stop and the driver came around to open the door of his coach. The man waited for the driver to give him instruction but instead the driver simply got back in his seat and departed. The man looked up at the large building in front of him: a series of law offices. He figured he would go inside and hopefully find the right office—there really wasn’t much else for him to do. Upon walking inside there was a main receptionist desk, and the man’s first instinct was to go ask for directions but he realized he didn’t even know who to ask for. Instead he stood in the rear of the lobby near the doors looking around, obviously waiting for someone or something and noticeably uncomfortable. As luck would have it within a few minutes a paralegal approached him and brought him up to his late uncle’s lawyers office.
The lawyer’s office was on the highest floor and had its own smaller waiting room. The paralegal instructed him to sit and said he would notify his late uncle’s lawyer of his arrival and that he would be seen as soon as business was wrapped up with another client. After a short while an imposing man in a suit walked out of the office with a small, satisfied smile on his face. The man could only begin to guess at what type of business had gone on, but whatever it was the large man was pleased with the outcome. Following him was a now familiar face that bid him to enter the office.
“Apologies for the wait. I had some other business to attend to and did not expect you to be back from the reception quite so soon.”
The man entered the office, slightly unsure of himself and responded, “Oh no worries, I did not wait long at all. I guess I’m just not one for those types of events.”
The lawyer gave a smile, one that the man was sure he used with many of his clients almost like a trademark it seemed so rehearsed, “I understand, never saw much of a point to such things myself. That is of course, unless I am there on business.” The lawyer gestured towards a chair on the opposite side of a large mahogany desk, “Please, have a seat.”
The man sat in the chair and took a moment to examine the room. All the furniture was obviously expensive and the chair was one of the most comfortable he had ever had the pleasure of sitting in. This was certainly a prosperous law office. The lawer then spoke again as he headed around to his own seat at his desk, “Can I get you anything to drink?” He then gestured towards a small table at the side of his desk with an array of fine liquors.
“No I am quite well, thank you though” the man said. The lawyer took his seat before the words even finished coming out of his mouth.
“Well then, straight to business” the lawyer said as he grabbed a stack of papers from the corner of his desk. He straightened them into a pile and then took the first piece off and spoke. “Before I have you take a look at these papers and sign everything I should explain some things.” The lawyer took a deep breath and the man’s heart dropped. He worried this was the part where he tells him his uncle’s estate was in ruin. Another part of his mind told him not to worry, there is no way a man as wealthy as his uncle could lose everything...even if ten percent remained it would still be more money than he would ever otherwise see. He listened intently to the lawyer.
“As I told you before your uncle liquidated his assets. As I have verified you are his closest living relative and with no one specified in his will any assets should go on to you. Your uncle was a very wealthy man, but he traded all this wealth away for some peculiar art pieces. He was very secretive, I do not know the nature of these art pieces or where they may even be located. If you do find them though, you are entitled to them as they were not promised to any art gallery or museum. In fact aside from a few members of this office, your uncle, whoever the seller of these pieces was, and yourself I do not believe anyone knows of his ownership of these pieces. Of course, he may have told others without my knowledge, perhaps a security company to keep them safe but somehow I doubt it. He was incredibly secretive and I do not believe he trusted anyone more than I and he would not even let me know any information about these pieces, just the amount of liquid capital he needed to acquire them.”
The man interrupted, unable to keep listening without speaking out, “These pieces… these pieces are valuable right? Once I locate them I can sell them for a good price? If not the price he paid, still enough for a substantial amount of money?”
The lawyer sighed, “Not necessarily. You see, as I said before, these pieces were quite peculiar and quite rare. So peculiar and rare, that I do not think many people outside of your uncle and the seller are even aware of their value or consider them to hold any value. Your uncle had a lot of secret connections, some outside of, how should I say, normal legal, moral and ethical channels to acquire some of his more exotic pieces. I have no information on who he acquired these pieces from, and just as I know nothing of the pieces I know nothing of how to locate those who may be interested in them. I suppose it is possible to locate buyers, but I would not know where to begin. I imagine if you did locate these pieces and brought them to an art dealer they would have little interest or use for them. But this is not even the main issue.”
“What is?” the man asked with no effort to mask the sound of dread in his voice.
“How would you even know which pieces were the one’s your uncle paid so dearly for if you saw them? We have almost no information on what they were, and I’m sure your uncle had a lot of junk, trinkets and curiosities in his property as well. No offense but I do not imagine you have any training in identifying and appraising art, and even someone who did would most likely not know how to do deal with a foreign potentially occult piece.”
“So you are telling me my uncle’s wealth has become a needle in a haystack, but a needle that I cannot identify and that has no value?” the man asked dejected.
“In a manner of speaking” the lawyer replied. As he did he pulled out another piece of paper and continued “But there is of course the house and land.”
“House?” the man asked with a bit of hope. Property has to be worth something he thought to himself. Especially property owned by his uncle.
“Yes. The artifacts, while exorbitant, where only a fraction of what his liquidated assets went towards. The majority went to a plot of land far to the north and east.”
“What do you know about this land, is there a mansion build on it, is it valuable?” the man asked with desperation.
“We do not know much but I can tell you what I do know. The land is very rural, weeks of travel from any major city. The climate in the area it is settled is dry and cold and I do not know of any natural resource deposits it may hold, that is not to say that none exist. The plot of land is very small considering what he paid for it. Normally the price of a home in the city could buy miles of land in an isolated location such as this. The property your uncle bought is not even a mile square and he paid for it enough to buy one of the most expensive homes in this city, a palatial estate. With that some of money I would imagine one could purchase an almost boundless amount of land like that near where he procured this property. They could practically have their own nation.”
“But why?” the man asked, growing more and more flustered. ‘There must be something of value, unless had my uncle gone crazy? Is it not irresponsible for you to allow a madman to waste all of his assets?” The man’s thoughts were racing, it was as if he had been handed the keys to a palace only to arrive to it burning to the ground.
The lawyer got up and said, “I’m going to pour you that drink. I think we should both have one. Is an herbal liqueur acceptable? I find they do not muddy my thoughts as much as a darker liquor this early in the day.”
The man nodded barely even paying attention, just imaging his uncle as a raving loon throwing away barrels of money for a wasteland. The lawyer poured them each a stiff drink and sat down and took a sip of his before continuing to talk. “Your uncle was rational… well everything he did and said was calculated, methodical and with a definite end game in mind. This did not change as he aged, only his goals did. At no point did he seem even remotely confused, or demented or to have lost touch with reality at all. He was driven and focused, I just do not know why. As I have said he was a hard man to get to know.”
The man took a sip of his drink. It was strong but tasted good. It had a flavor for to complex for him to begin to contemplate at this time, but it did help as the lawyer had said so he continued to drink.
“We are quite curious ourselves as to why your uncle was so interested in this land. We do know he spent a lot of time there over the last two years. Either there was some sort of house or structure already on the property or he had one built. I am unsure of which. If he did have something built he recruited local labor with cash on hand and I doubt it is elaborate. Your uncle was unwilling to give me any more details and as a long time client and friend I was not going to press him. Perhaps there is something of great value there, some sort of cache.
The man took a moment to gather his thoughts and responded though he felt lost, “I suppose I will have to go up there myself and examine the property. There must be something of value or my uncle would not have taken such pains to secure this location. I do not intend to live out in the middle of nowhere so I shall seek to sell whatever I find as swiftly as possible.”
The lawyer spoke as if he anticipated this response, “As I said the property is very isolated. You will most likely want a guide if you travel there and it will be a long journey. There are not roads the entire way and you will have to go across rough terrain and through lawless areas. A dangerous journey, almost impossible for a man of little means. The property is nestled in the mountains meaning you cannot approach it from a longer, more round about but safer route.”
“Then what do you propose I do?” the man asked.
The lawyer pulled out another document, this one a contract. “With the aforementioned art objects and this property being the only assets of value we know your uncle to still have, traveling there is your only chance to claim any form of inheritance. I have a proposal for you. My firm shall bankroll your expedition, provide supplies, men and guides to ensure safe passage to your uncles property. In return we wish to split any valuables found on your uncles property that are easily portable, 50% for us and 50% for you. We define portable as anything a man can carry on his own without significant strain. Anything larger shall be yours and after a few days of assessing the property if you wish to return back we shall secure you safe passage back as well. If you decide to stay we shall leave enough resources, maps and travel supplies for you to find your way back on your own. All of the details are laid out in this contract.” The lawyer handed the man the document.
The man looked it over. The document was written in small font and loaded with legal jargon and excessive detail. This was how they were so prosperous he thought, they wrote in a language that only other lawyers and perhaps scholars could decipher. They were also clever and immediately took advantage of any sign of weakness. They sized him up for exactly what he was, an unremarkable man of little means and no special intelligence or skill. He had no idea how to assemble an expedition and reach his uncles property. His uncle must have had a way of getting up there regularly but he did not know how. Furthermore there was no certainty of any value at the property. If he assembled an exhibition they would want pay upfront. If he somehow managed to convince them to accept payment upon arrival and came to find the property devoid of value they may kill him and bury him there out of sheer frustration. He could try to go himself but he had no knack for survival in the wilderness. He would likely fall victim to highwaymen or get eaten by a pack of wolves or simply succumb to the elements. He considered negotiating, perhaps asking for a 60/40 split but he realized in truth he had no leverage. They could ask for a 10/90 split and it would be a better deal than the alternative. This would be a big gamble and his only risk would be time, they would be fronting the all the material resources. Either they would strike big and even with only 50% he would return a very rich man or his uncle had truly gone mad and they would only find a desolate plot of land and perhaps notebooks of full of mad ravings about artifacts and strange far away lands real and imaginary. He had never been on an adventure and figured the opportunity would not present itself again. Plus there was nothing waiting for him back at home. The man realized that despite how it initially seemed, this really was an easy decision.
He looked over the document and tried to read it best he could but the language and detail was difficult for him to navigate. He saw the details of the fifty percent split and some of how the journey would be outfitted but he felt overwhelmed. The lawyer noticed his difficulty and spoke to assuage his concerns. “I know legal documents can be a headache to read but we have to cover all contingencies, especially in a matter such as this. I promise you there is nothing disingenuous in this document. It is as I laid out, a fifty fifty split and we will cover all arrangements for travel and transportation of any wealth. Your uncle was a truly valued client and friend and I would not dishonor his memory by doing wrong by his only living heir.”
The man made note that the lawyer always said client before friend, and reminded himself never to forget this lawyer’s true end, money. Still, he just wanted to sign it and get the ball rolling. Curiosity ate away at him like a starving dog with a ravenous appetite. He had to know what his uncle was hiding, what such a powerful man would dedicate everything to.
“The truth is I am as curious as you are I imagine, perhaps more so” the lawyer continued. “I have been curious since your uncle started liquidating his assets years ago and now we can finally solve the mystery, together. That for me is as valuable as any prize we may find in this remote place.”
The man doubted the last part but still it was enough to convince him. He signed the document and asked, “So what is next?”
-note: get into circumstances surrounding uncles death-
-at actual house, the extradimensional mansion it leads to remains static, if anything left behind or altered and room is left alone, upon returning it is back to its original state and things left behind vanish, not immediate though, takes time, experiments done with this to determine how it happens but unable to catch things changing-
-time distorted the further into the mansion one travels-
Gualdian Updates
from The Lantern Room
Levity is Good for the Soul. Intelligence is good for the mind. This should soothe both!
Greetings, dear reader! Today thought I’d catch you up on some of Mister Tom Gauld’s latest and greatest. Please visit Tom’s website if you can and give him a little love. You won’t regret it!! ❤️
On the meantime, here are a few laughs.
#reflection #essay #memoir #journal #osxs #100daystooffset #writing #comic #tomguald
2025-07-13 11:30:00
A Taste of Summer
from The Lantern Room
Only summer sounds like this
Summer is universally loved. In spite of the heat, there's a great charm in the sweat and the being of out of doors that no other time of year quite matches. As I walked out this afternoon to decompress, it struck me how I haven't taken a single moment to enjoy my summer.
Here's a little glimpse of that moment for me. Join me, won't you? Taste it.
Sorry about the audio. Wind noise is aggravating.
The bees this year are't quiet as robust. I think I might need to harvest some honey. Maybe an abundance is making them lazy? or their weak? Not sure. but probably about half of this activity right now.
2025-07-11 19:25:00 #essay #memoir #journal #osxs #100daystooffset #writing