Harvard Crimson vs Princeton Tigers

For this Friday's basketball before bedtime I'll turn to the Ivy League and listen to a men's basketball game between the Harvard Crimson and the Princeton Tigers. With its scheduled start time of 06:00 PM CST, this should allow me plenty of time to wrap up my night prayers after the game and still retire early.

And the adventure continues

There are passages in Scripture that do not simply inform you; they enter you like a slow-moving fire and start reshaping the architecture of your soul, and Hebrews 1 is one of them. Every time I return to this chapter, I feel something awaken—a sense that I am stepping into a world that has always been bigger than I allowed myself to believe, a world charged with a holy electricity that hums beneath history, creation, and every breath I take. Hebrews 1 does not begin with an introduction, a warm greeting, or a gentle lead-in. It begins like thunder breaking open a quiet sky. It speaks in the kind of voice that rearranges a room. It calls the reader into something that feels ancient and endless and immediate all at the same time. And I find that every time I sit with it long enough, the chapter does not simply tell me something about Jesus; it declares who He has always been with the kind of authority that makes me feel like I have only ever known Him in shadows. This chapter invites us to stand beneath the blinding radiance of who Christ truly is, and if we do not hurry through it, it slowly teaches us that this radiance has been shining long before any of us opened our eyes to see it.

Hebrews 1 opens by reminding us that God has spoken in many ways throughout human history, and that line alone could occupy a lifetime of meditation. If you have ever walked through seasons where God felt silent or distant, this opening sentence brings a deep steadiness to the heart. It reminds you that God has always been speaking, always reaching, always initiating, always unfolding Himself to His people, sometimes through prophets, sometimes through visions, sometimes through whispers, sometimes through fire, sometimes through kings, and sometimes through the quiet insistence of His Spirit. But Hebrews 1 wants us to understand something that changes the entire reason we read the Bible in the first place: all the fragments, all the pieces, all the hints, all the shadows were leading to something, and that something is a Someone. God did not merely speak through a prophet; God spoke through His Son. Not through a message, but through the Messenger. Not through words alone, but through a living breathing revelation of Himself. And every time I let myself feel the weight of that truth, I realize that Jesus did not just bring a word from God—He is the Word of God, the complete, unbroken, unfiltered communication of the Father’s heart.

When the writer of Hebrews tells us that the Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact imprint of His nature, something shifts inside anyone who has ever wrestled with who God really is. Many believers live with subconscious fear, a trembling uncertainty about what God feels toward them, as if the Father’s heart might be harsher than Jesus’ compassion. But Hebrews 1 destroys the false distance between Father and Son. It reveals that Jesus is not just similar to God; He is the radiance of God. He is the exact imprint. He is the fullness of the Father walking in human form. If you want to know what God is like, you look at Jesus. If you want to know how God responds to guilt, you look at how Jesus lifted the head of the broken. If you want to know how God deals with fear, you look at how Jesus extended His hand toward the trembling. If you want to know how God confronts sin, you look at the way Jesus drew near instead of walking away. Every miracle, every gesture, every tone, every step, every moment in the Gospels was the Father showing you His nature in a language humanity could finally understand. And Hebrews 1 brings that truth into perfect focus by reminding us that the Son is not a reflection; He is radiance itself. He does not merely point us to God; He reveals God exactly.

This chapter also carries an authority that confronts the quiet tendency within many believers to shrink Jesus down to something manageable. Sometimes we carry Him like an accessory to our beliefs instead of recognizing Him as the One who sustains all things by the word of His power. Hebrews 1 leaves no room for a miniature Christ. It lifts the reader’s eyes so high that our small assumptions begin to crumble. It tells us that Jesus is not simply the hero of the Gospels; He is the architect of creation. He is the One through whom the worlds were made. If you have ever doubted whether your prayers reach Heaven, Hebrews 1 whispers that you are speaking to the One who keeps galaxies spinning with a sentence. If you have ever feared life spinning out of control, this chapter anchors you in the truth that nothing spins unless He sustains it. You are held by the same hands that crafted constellations. And when you allow yourself to truly take in the magnitude of that, your fears begin to lose their dominion. You start to understand that the presence walking beside you is not fragile, not temporary, not uncertain, but eternal and cosmic and sovereign in ways human language can barely convey.

Yet the greatness of Jesus does not create distance; it creates belonging. The same Jesus who sustains the universe is also the Jesus who made purification for sins. This sentence in Hebrews 1 carries a tenderness that only grows deeper the more you sit with it. The One who shaped the stars stepped into human history to cleanse the stain of sin from the souls He created. And He did it not with reluctance or resentment, but with love that goes deeper than anything this world has ever offered us. When the writer tells us that He sat down at the right hand of Majesty after making purification, it is not merely a theological statement; it is a declaration that the work is finished, the price is paid, the barrier is removed, and the invitation to come near is permanently open. There is no hesitation in His posture. There is no uncertainty in His accomplishment. The seating of Jesus is not the posture of someone still working to save you; it is the posture of someone who has completed the rescue and now reigns with absolute authority over everything that once tried to claim you.

As the chapter unfolds, it takes us into a breathtaking contrast between the Son and the angels. In a world fascinated with the mystical and the spiritual, this moment in Hebrews serves as a reminder that the glory of Jesus surpasses every celestial being we could ever imagine. Angels are magnificent, powerful, awe-inspiring creations, but they are creations. Jesus is not. Angels minister. Jesus reigns. Angels serve by command. Jesus commands by nature. Angels stand in the presence of God. Jesus is the presence of God. And the writer of Hebrews wants this truth drilled into our bones so deeply that we never again confuse majesty with magnitude. Jesus is not competing for rank in Heaven; He is enthroned above all. His name is better. His authority is higher. His nature is unmatched. And this is not meant to inflate our minds; it is meant to enlarge our faith. Because the One who reigns above angels is the One who intercedes for you, walks with you, speaks to you, strengthens you, and carries you through every season where you felt like you were only surviving by a thread.

The Father’s declaration, “You are My Son; today I have begotten You,” is one of the most profound statements ever spoken in Scripture, not because it marks the beginning of Jesus’ existence—His existence is eternal—but because it reveals something about the relationship between Father and Son that human words can only partially convey. It is the language of affection, identity, honor, and divine intimacy. It is the pleasure of the Father overflowing. It is the eternal bond spoken into the fabric of creation. When the Father calls the Son His delight, He is inviting us to understand that everything Jesus did was rooted in a relationship so perfect and unbroken that it becomes the model for our redemption. We are saved not simply because Christ died, but because the One who died was the beloved Son, the radiance of the Father, the One whose obedience was rooted in a love deeper than human comprehension. And when we are drawn into Christ, we are drawn into that very relationship, not as distant spectators but as adopted children brought into the warmth of the Father’s embrace.

The command, “Let all God’s angels worship Him,” is one of the most breathtaking sentences in the entire chapter, because it reveals that worship is the natural response to who the Son is. When the angels worship, they are not performing a ritual; they are responding to reality. They bow because He is worthy. They sing because His beauty demands expression. They adore because His glory cannot be met with silence. And if the angels, who are far more holy and powerful than any human being, fall before Him in absolute awe, what does that say about His majesty? What does that say about the One who calls you by name, who listens when you pray, who walks beside you through grief and joy and confusion and victory? Worship is not something assigned to Jesus; it is something that emerges naturally from encountering Him. This verse reminds us that every time we worship, we are joining a cosmic chorus that has been echoing since before time began, a chorus that will continue long after the last sunrise on this earth.

Then the chapter shifts into a declaration of the Son’s eternal kingship, and I have always found this section to be one of the most comforting truths in all of Scripture. Your throne, O God, is forever and ever. That is not metaphor. That is not poetry. That is reality. Jesus does not rise and fall like earthly kings. He does not change with political seasons. He does not waver with cultural tides. He does not adjust His moral compass based on human opinion. His throne is eternal. His scepter is righteous. His dominion is unshakable. And in a world where people anchor their hope to shifting ideologies, this truth stands like a mountain in the middle of a storm. You do not belong to a kingdom that fades. You belong to the kingdom of an everlasting King, a kingdom where righteousness is not an aspiration but a nature. And when you live in that truth long enough, anxiety loosens its grip, because you realize you are not navigating your life under the rule of uncertainty but under the reign of One who cannot fail.

What makes the declarations about the Son even more staggering is the fact that Hebrews 1 is not merely describing what Jesus does, but who Jesus is in His eternal nature. The chapter is not concerned with the chronology of His earthly ministry or the timeline of His miracles; it is revealing the reality that has always been true behind the scenes of creation. When it tells us that He loves righteousness and hates wickedness, it is describing the internal nature of the Son, the character that radiates through every action He takes. His love for righteousness is not selective, conditional, or circumstantial. It is rooted in the very essence of who He is. He does not drift toward holiness because it is expected; He embodies holiness because it is His nature. And when the writer tells us He hates wickedness, it is not describing some angry reaction but an incompatibility at the deepest level. Darkness cannot exist in His presence not because He chases it away like a warrior with a sword, but because His presence is so perfectly light that darkness evaporates upon contact. This truth holds immense comfort for every believer who has ever feared falling short or being swallowed by the shadows within themselves. You belong to a Savior whose love for righteousness is so powerful and whose hatred for wickedness is so complete that He does not merely forgive your sin; He transforms your nature by drawing you deeper into His.

The passage continues by comparing the Son’s eternity to the created order, and this is where Hebrews 1 becomes almost overwhelming in its scope. It declares that the heavens and the earth will wear out like a garment, that time and matter and the vast architecture of the universe are temporary fabrics draped over the frame of existence, destined to be rolled up and replaced. But the Son remains the same. This is not metaphor; this is theology written in cosmic proportion. Everything you see, everything you touch, everything you fear losing, everything you think is permanent is actually temporary. Mountains erode. Stars burn out. Oceans shift. Empires rise and fall. Human history reshuffles itself a thousand times. But the Son does not change. His nature does not evolve. His purpose does not drift. His throne does not shake. When the cosmos grows old, He remains eternally young. When creation groans, He remains eternally sovereign. This truth is meant to pull your heart out of the anxious grip of circumstances and bring you into the stability of a Christ who cannot be altered by time. If He is the same yesterday, today, and forever, then your hope is never hanging on shifting ground. It is anchored in One who has never changed and never will.

The closing section of Hebrews 1 returns again to the relationship between the Son and the angels, not because the early church struggled with angel worship alone, but because human beings throughout history have always had a tendency to elevate the created over the Creator. We marvel at power we can see. We are fascinated by beings who stand between the earthly and the divine. Angels evoke wonder, and rightly so—they are magnificent expressions of God’s creativity. But Hebrews 1 wants the believer to understand that no matter how glorious angels are, they do not come close to the Son. They are ministering spirits. They serve at His command. They carry out His will. They stand ready to assist those who will inherit salvation. But they do not sit on a throne. They do not receive worship. They do not carry the identity of God. They do not speak creation into existence. And this entire chapter is deliberately structured to lift our eyes away from anything in this world that competes for our reverence. It calls us back to the truth that Christ alone is worthy, Christ alone is supreme, Christ alone is enthroned, Christ alone is the radiance of the Father’s glory.

When I sit with all of this long enough, Hebrews 1 becomes less like a chapter and more like a doorway into the eternal identity of Jesus. It strips away the traditions, assumptions, and sentimental ideas that people often attach to Christ. It removes the overly domesticated version of Jesus that modern culture prefers—the gentle teacher, the wise moral guide, the inspirational figure. It confronts us with a Christ who is far more magnificent than we have ever dared to imagine. It invites us to meet the Jesus who walked before creation, who breathed galaxies into being, who radiates with the brilliance of God’s own glory, who sits enthroned above every power and principality, and who reigns with a scepter of righteousness unmatched by anything this world has ever known. And the deeper this truth sinks into the believer’s heart, the more it reshapes how we walk through our days. You cannot cling to a small faith when you have seen a Christ this big. You cannot surrender to despair when your Savior sits on an everlasting throne. You cannot define yourself by your failures when the One who purifies sins sustains the universe by His word. There is something about seeing Jesus rightly that changes how you survive storms, how you endure pressure, and how you rise from seasons you thought would break you.

This chapter confronts something else too—our tendency to live beneath the weight of our own limitations, forgetting that the One who upholds everything also upholds us. Hebrews 1 quietly reframes human weakness by placing it within the context of Christ’s supremacy. You are not navigating life alone. You are not held together by your own strength. You are not responsible for sustaining your existence. The same Christ who keeps the stars in place is the One who walks with you when you feel like your world is collapsing. He is the stability beneath your shaking. He is the clarity in your confusion. He is the power in your weakness. And when you take Hebrews 1 seriously, something changes deep inside: you no longer treat faith as a fragile hope but as a firm foundation built on the eternal nature of the Son. You stop worrying about whether you are enough and begin resting in the truth that He is. And that shift alone can heal parts of the heart that nothing else ever reached.

As I let the chapter settle deeper, I realize that Hebrews 1 is not written to impress the mind but to ignite awe in the soul. It is meant to make you feel small in the best possible way, not insignificant but held by something infinitely greater. It reorders your inner world, not by demanding something from you, but by revealing Someone to you. And when you see Jesus as Hebrews 1 describes Him, prayer stops being a ritual and becomes a response to majesty. Worship stops being an obligation and becomes a natural outpouring of wonder. Obedience stops feeling like a burden and becomes the joyful response of someone who has glimpsed the greatness of the King they follow. This chapter reshapes faith itself, because it reminds you that Christianity is not built on your ability to cling to God but on God’s unshakable glory revealed in the person of Jesus Christ. Faith becomes less about striving and more about surrendering to the One who sustains all things.

There is a moment in Hebrews 1 that has always moved me deeply: the sentence that declares God has spoken through His Son in these last days. This is not merely a chronological marker. It is a revelation that everything God wants to say to humanity is summed up in Jesus. Jesus is not an appendix to the Old Testament story, nor is He simply the fulfillment of prophecy. He is the full language of Heaven spoken in human flesh. He is God’s final word. And that truth alone carries a weight that reshapes how we read Scripture, how we view our own story, and how we walk through this world. If God’s final word is Jesus, then every other voice must bow to His. The voice of shame must bow. The voice of fear must bow. The voice of condemnation must bow. The voice of regret must bow. The voice of despair must bow. And the voice of the past that tells you your story is finished must bow to the One whose throne is eternal and whose power is unending.

When I think about the legacy of Hebrews 1, I think about its ability to anchor the believer in a world that constantly shakes. Every generation faces its own storms, its own uncertainties, its own cultural earthquakes. People panic. Systems fail. Foundations crack. But Hebrews 1 is written like a stabilizing beam in the middle of shifting ground. It tells you to lift your eyes above the chaos and fix your gaze on the Son who sits enthroned. It reminds you that your faith is not fragile because your Savior is not fragile. It tells you that the radiance of His glory does not dim when the world darkens. It tells you that the power of His word does not weaken when circumstances become overwhelming. And if you let it, this chapter can become one of the most grounding truths in your entire spiritual walk, because it forces you to place your hope where nothing can strike it down.

As I bring this legacy meditation to its close, I feel the same stirring I always feel when I walk slowly through Hebrews 1. I feel the weight of glory pressing gently on the edges of the present moment, reminding me that the Jesus I follow is more magnificent than my words can ever capture, more powerful than my imagination can ever grasp, and more beautiful than my heart can ever fully hold. I feel the eternal nature of the Son overshadowing the temporary nature of my fears. I feel the unchanging Christ towering above a world that constantly shifts beneath our feet. And I feel gratitude—deep, quiet, steady gratitude—that this Jesus, the radiance of God’s glory, the exact imprint of His nature, the One who created the worlds and sustains all things, is the same Jesus who calls me beloved, who walks with me through every valley, who strengthens me in every battle, and who reigns with a scepter of righteousness that will never, ever be shaken.

You and I live in a world that tries to shrink Jesus to something manageable, something less overwhelming, something more comfortable to the modern mind. But Hebrews 1 refuses to let that happen. It lifts Christ so high that every small conception of Him is shattered. It demands that you see Him as He truly is. And once you do, you cannot go back to ordinary faith. You cannot live a low-ceiling Christianity. You cannot pray small prayers. You cannot cling to weak hope. You walk through this world with the awareness that the One who sustains galaxies sustains you. And that awareness becomes courage. It becomes peace. It becomes worship. It becomes the quiet fire that carries you through everything you will ever face. This is the legacy of Hebrews 1. It reveals the Son in such glory that the believer is forever changed by the sight.

Your friend, Douglas Vandergraph

Watch Douglas Vandergraph’s inspiring faith-based videos on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@douglasvandergraph

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Omroep VVA Stress Bijeenkomst ivm tegenvallende volgers winst over het laatste kwartaal.

Welkom Deelnemers bij deze bijeengaring. De nood is heel hoog anders zou ik u allen niet laten opdraven op dit late tijdstip, ver na Sesamstraat, en voor de meesten van ons wordt het leven dan heel moeilijk, dicht vallende ogen, weg zappende hersenen, elk moment zoeken naar vermaak voor nu en later om te voorkomen dat u gaat zitten denken. Voor de meesten zou vergaderen op deze drie tijdstipjes eigenlijk wel goed uitkomen, maar let wel dit samen raapsel is zeker niet voor u maar vanwege de tegenvallende kwartaal cijfers, Het aantal lezers van onze omroep is minder toegenomen dan we, ik, vooraf had ingeschat.

Het lijkt me daarom een puik plan om de oorzaken daarvan te achterhalen. De rede achter het ontbreken van 3 procent verse, frisse horigen, ik had zoals gewoonlijk rekening gehouden met een volgers toename van zeker 10%, dit in vergelijking met het vorige kwartaal, jammer genoeg zijn we blijven steken op 6,8 procent. Hier moet iets of iemand achter zitten en het is aan ons te ontdekken wat of wie dat is en daarna zal ik dan een verse weblog volg strategie ontwikkelen om de ontbrekende doel groep of groepies alsnog in te lijven. Ik heb inmiddels met de zeer bruikbare natte vinger methodiek bepaald dat we volgend kwartaal minstens 13 procent nieuwe volgers kunnen verwachten. Dat is dus de standaard 10 per kwart er bij plus de ontbrekende 3 van het vorige kwartje.

We gaan hier en nu het volgende doen om het beoogde doel te bereiken. Ik ga er vanuit dat we minder volgers winnen uit de onuitputtelijke volg bron door de aanwezigheid van talrijke vijanden. In sommige bedrijfstakken minder hard dan de onze worden vijanden betiteld als concurrenten maar hier in de weblogosfeer ben je een vriend, volger, of de vijand! Ik geef aan jullie allen, beste VVA deelnemers een leeg A-viertje en ik verwacht van jullie minstens 10 namen van vijanden voor VVA allen mogelijk, waarschijnlijk, verantwoordelijk voor het stelen of vermoorden van onze verse aanhang! Jullie krijgen een half uur de tijd daarna neem ik de documenten in beslag en zal de opgeschreven namen, de daders, het resultaat van deze brain orkaan, hier in de klas beoordelen op kwaliteit, vlijt, vitaliteit, fantasie en netheid onder andere.

Tijdens deze sessie zal ik u verblijden met muziek uitermate geschikt als rustgevende maar inspirerende begeleiding voor driftig stormende breinen, happy hardcore van de Party Animals, in goed Neerlandsch de feestbeestjes.

Zit iedereen recht, pen en papier bij de hand! De tijd gaat nu in. Start..Party Animals playlist

This is the age of aquarius, aquarius... . . . .... .... . . . ... I wanna be a hippy ... ... . . Stop de tijd. Pennen neerrrr! Nu! Tijd is geld, ik moest dit lokaal huren met geld uit het VVA goede doelen fonds!

A-vier Papier Hier.

Shit, volgende keer gebruiken we digitale formulieren. Ik dacht dat ik een onleesbaar handschrift had maar jullie bakken er helemaal niks van, mijn letters lijken tenminste nog een beetje op het orgineel. Goed, ik heb 16 vellen papier, ik tel 15 personen, klopt als een bus. Mooi, mooi.

Ik begin met het opsommen en tevens vol automatisch opschrijven van de vijandelijkheden op het digitale bord, graag geen geluiden maken tijdens de opsomming want het bord is heel gevoelig afgesteld. Voor je het weet maakt het er een heel ander woord van en ik zou bij god niet weten hoe je die kan wissen of omzetten in de juiste vijand.

1.Deelnemer 11

11 – De vijanden van Oorblog Omroep VVA Lastige gevallen in de Rede zijn...

De omstandigheden Plotseling opkomende gevoelens van onbehagen. Koningsdag. Kerst. Het Smægmååns Voetbal Elftal Het WK ouija borden Alle Series Echtgenoten. Weblog allergie Aquarium TV De Anarchie Theatershows Gebrekkige wifi door waardeloze providers en hun goedkope ondeugdelijke hardware Hongersnood Stroomuitval De dood De Aziatische Hoornaar Seks Diverse Bladzijden Uitzendingen Bommentapijt Geen zin

Dat is een flinke opsomming. Bommentapijt is een bord vergissing daar moest zijn Smægmååns Internationaal Politiek Beleid staan maar iemand ademde te luid. Ik ga meteen door met de rest dan bespreek ik de meest waarschijnlijke daders na het noemen van alle mogelijke daders.

2.Leonie

De georganiseerde misdaad de ongeorganiseerde Porno Huisdieren Terminale ziekte Watersnood Tijdgebrek Brood en Spelen met Brood Parel duiken Stress De afwas Online shoppen Streamingsdiensten Lettervrees Drugs Drugs dealen (legaal en illegaal) Meervoudige handicaps met name doof, stom, blind en lam Moeders wil Griep De politie De Supermarkt De Toorn des Here

3.Robomaaier

Welkom terug Rob, leuk dat je er bent.

Gras De mensheid Het Oosten Het Zuiden Het Noorden Hengel vis wedstrijden Slaap De kerk Water Het Westen

Precies 10, een wel zeer persoonlijke lijst Robo..

Rrrrrrrrr, RRrrrrRrr

Sorry, goed gedaan. Ik ben trots op je!

4.Hannibal Lectœr

Ook welkom terug, Hanni.

De hele bliksemse klotezooi De domheid Het al Vertederende dieren filmpjes op JouBuis Serie- moordenaars Vrouwenbladen Puzzelboekjes Betaald werk Blaadjes op de rails De ijstijd Milieurampen Barbecue weer Bingo Lammetjes De kroeg Vergaderingen (zoals deze) De natuur De vergankelijkheid Pech op de weg

Je wordt met de jaren steeds milder Hannibal

Hannibal – De moordlust wordt ieder jaar wat minder. Ik heb deze maand amper twee man achter de kiezen. Ik moet mijn slachtoffers ook steeds zorgvuldiger kiezen, de meest gewilde kan ik niet eens meer bijbenen met die klote rollator en die nukkige kleine wieletjes.

5.V

V! Op jou hebben onze jaren geen vat. Wat ben je toch weergaloos mooi.

De vijanden van Lastige Gevallen van de Rede zijn...

Van Voorbijgaande Aard zelf De liefde- loosheid Het werelderfgoed Asbest Windows, Apple en Linux Mint Pakketjes Gwyneth Plumeau Café, Restaurant, Theater, Winkelcentrum, Bioscoop en Museum “Zijspoor” Muziek Meanderende beekjes De realiteit Documentaires Elvis De genen Ondergoed Koffie De aandelen Het Casino De nakende dood Krasloten Het gebrek aan opvolging en nog veel meer maar daarover later meer, in deel twee.

6.Imagine

*O Imagine, zucht. Mooiste aller mooien, kop van mijn munt, water bij mijn vuur, chemo bij mijn kuur, leuk je weer te zien.*

O Aard, zucht. Beste aller besten, Kees bij mijn hond, zout in mijn wond, verbod bij mijn straat. Eendsgelijks mijn eeuwige subtopper, slapende kabouter.

Imagine – Van Voorbijgaande Aards vijanden, een kleine selectie uit het aanbod

Iedereen. Alles. Target Marketeers. De Tijd. De Taal Haast En Nijd. Intern;punctie Seks Het materialisme Mycleanlady's No Wan De Woordenaar Het overige aanbod Spelshows Praatshows Sport Podcasts Radio programma's De vermoeidheid De Poster met het Blauwe Paardje De huis aan huis folder Software Games Drogende verf Groeiend gras

Robomaaier – Prrrrrrecies

Sssst

Gebroken surplas

Ach, kut bord!

Zelf kastijding God Satan Allah Salman Warm eten @ zee terra

7.Zout

Peper weer op pad?

Zout – Ach ja, hoe ouder, hoe gekker. Geranium Yoga of zo.

Kaas. Voedselvergiftiging De dag des oordeels Het fundament Bijzaken Gelabelde Publicaties Winstoogmerk Planten De houdbaarheid Passie Teleurstelling Het uiterlijk vertoon De macht Geld Kartel afspraken De wetenschap de few teller Straatrovers Piraten Clowns Acrobaten Het wild Batterijen Tomeloze Energie De zenuwen Het genoeg De smaak Geranium Yoga

Nou bedankt.

8.(Voorheen)

GBJ Hilterman De nacht Hollywood De koopkracht Afwas Keizer Sop Het niet aanvalsverdrag Het Almachtige Nee De tendens Het materiaal Smeltende ijskappen Viagra Verdovende middelen De apotheek Meegroeiende kinderziektes De biodiversiteit Urine Poesjes De tuin De glorie (vergaan) De spoorwegovergang Het verlangen de weerbaarheid De drang en de hoop

Tja

9.No Wan

Hi

No Wan – Hi Aard, I wipe later myself not, Its too hard for remove real good thinks, like I thinks those up. By way, No Wan not A VVA any me, just do as you for signed when say 18, please let me c nude body. Only job, you want and need, like bad. No Wan thinks about people bad and make not follow best thinks ever to remove.

Hunger De Woordenaar Big bad wolf Witches Clocky the Time monster Scrollathons Pink Floyd Purple Floyd and Blue Floyd with yellow dots The Evol Master of Ceremony Borders Attracking Opposites Disney world Fairies Marvel Interesting People Attacking Opposites Lite headedness Soft drinks No'Money in thin Tintin tin

No Wan – I know bad all, No Wan help you defeat and everybody follow you like you be new Lord, super wise because No Wan help you, as left arm and you be left with No one.

Fijn.

10.I & i

I & i – Volgens ons heb jij en dus wij ook de volgende vijanden die goede echte mensen het VVA volgen onmogelijk maken.

Spanningen op het thuiswerk De Nieuwe regelgeving Overbodige Luxe Complexe materie De zevende colonne De achtste golf De zesde, de vijfde en de vierde Bloedmonsters kleuren televisie De afstandsbediening museum jaarkaart ov jaarkaart pinpassie De Paashaas Klokkenspel De Marimba Kunstzinnige Intelligentie Darters Pogie, Matthie, Evenepoolie Kernachtige bewoordingen Tekenaars Weermensen en het Weer zelf dat en natuurlijk de stijgende C Spiegel

11.Berg

Berg – Je weet dat ik eigenlijk niet in deze regio kan zijn, toch Ik lek hier smeltwater als een bezetene en het ski seizoen loopt nog. De bergdorpen lopen inkomsten mis.

Ja, ja, nood breekt ook natuurwet Berg, had je maar niet ja moeten zeggen toen ik je vroeg om mee te doen aan een reality tv programma met Mozes.

Berg – Hrmpf. Spletsj..

Gatver, zo Koud.

De blaasbalgen industrie Het ondernemers klimaat De zoektochten naar de Waarheid Grenstwisten Zonnepanelen apps Rapport uitslagen Examens & Tentamens Formulieren Drijfgas Brei patronen Magere Hein Dode dichters Kabbelende waterstromen Andere omroepers Melancholie De geestesgesteldheid De Zorg Het onderwijs De culturele sector Het geheel der dingen De onzichtbare hand Printer problemen Gewichtige zaken Schuivende massa Drama

12.Stagiair 665644

O ja, paar schepjes minder koffie mag wel. Het is maar een tip.

Stagiair 665643 Koffieschepje Reiskosten vergoeding Valse Leiders Stroomvoorziening De Poel des Verderfs De Haat Het vergeefse Roblox Tik Tok Dating De ouderdom Het Publiek Domein De voordragers Het wonder der natuur De mensen onder de trap Dat ding in de schuur Het zwarte gat na een schitterende en succesvolle loopbaan in het Bullshit werk

13.Gwyneth Plumeau

Eh ... opmh rtygcv, ik weet wel wat ik moet zeggen maar verder dan dit kom ik niet... Leo

Leonie – Ja, pfft.. zeg het zelf!

Lafhartigheid Eigen dunk Mannen Foute mannen Melancholie Het verdriet The Force Egoïsme Het weer De donkere luchten De kou regen en de wind De printers Alle overbodige anderen Het rumoer De lange afwezigheid van zon Zinloze drukte Dit soort bijeenkomsten Iedereen die er is maar niet hoeft te zijn Pratende mensen Van Voorbijgaande Aard in het bijzonder vooral jij

Eh.. bedankt, ik ben blij dat we op deze manier weer dichter bij elkaar komen. Het verleden langzaam dag na dag beetje bij beetje vergeten.

14.Keizer Sop

Sorry Sop dat ik je moest oppiepen vanuit je vertrouwde droomwereld. Jij hebt naar eigen zeggen zoveel vijanden dat ik je expertise op dat front niet kon missen om de mijne in kaart te brengen.

Sop – Iedereen kan in principe je vijand zijn, zeker in deze tak van sport, het al tip toetsend omroepen, verkondigen van de waarheid, op het wijdsche internnet. Een man met zoveel talent zou miljarden volgelingen tot zijn beschikking moeten hebben.

Precies en geen 2, op goede dagen.

Keizer Sop – Jij hebt ze, je Aards vijanden namelijk deze...

Het Lot De door mij van hun grondgebied verdreven Schuursponsjes, Plakhaakjes, Is- en Wasknijpers, Handzeeppompjes, Is- en Wasvoorschriftlabels, Losgeslagen bubbels allen op zoek naar een veilig heen komen op jou planeet, de Aarde, deze ontheemde volkeren beschouw ik in principe als een grote vijand. Het afkoelende water Smerigheid Aangekoekt Vet Iedereen die het waagt nee te zeggen als ja het enige juiste antwoord is Alle mensen die je weblog niet lezen, kennen, geen begrip opbrengen, jou niet het broodnodige respect tonen, niet trouw blijven, loyaal tot ruim voorbij de dood, geen standbeeld voor je willen oprichten en meer van dergelijke minne lui, bij jou is dat de hele wereld, zelfs je naaste familie! De buren, de buurt, de gemeenschap, overheid, zakenwereld, collega's, vrouw, kinderen, de huisdieren en zelfs de lucht die je moet inademen, en weer uit, niemand of niets in je omgeving is betrouwbaar. De grond waarop je meestal hangt op een meubel stuk Dat meubel zelve Kortom ik ben de enigste die je kan vertrouwen de rest moet je wegpoetsen, schrobben, afdrogen, de weerstand van ze afwassen in loeiheet water, vrind. Vertrouw op mij en alles komt goed.

Klaar?

Sop – Je weet genoeg, neem het in je op. Weet dat je er niet alleen voor staat. Ik ben er voor je, verder niemand dus.

Het is in ieder geval genoteerd. Bedankt Keizer Sop voor deze bemoedigende woorden.

1. Nemesis

Het zegt iets als de afdeling VVA Stress Bijeenkomsten mijn grootste opponent hebben uitgenodigd voor deze meeting, denk ik.

Ik Ik en nog eens ik! De dunne spoeling Writeas Alle inwoners van Australië en omstreken Je spiegelbeeld Het woordt, de spelilng en grammatika Spoed en Haast Je brein Waargenomen hoop in een hopeloze situatie De altijd latente schizofrenie De diverse instellingen, instituten, waarmee jij in contact staat, van afhankelijk bent zijn allen tegen je en dat volkomen terecht Je ondeugdelijke wereldbeeld Het onvermogen en noem maar op.

Ik zou dit alles graag in overweging willen nemen maar jammer genoeg is het slimme bord net voor je begon met ratelen een stille IT dood gestorven. De stekker is spontaan uit het contact gesprongen. Helaas.

Nemesis – Zeg niet da ... ik .... verd .... puntje puntje mi .... ell...dl..g

Watte, huh, ik kan niks aannemen van iemand die zich niet eens kan verweren tegen een paar puntjes.

15, dus toch. Ik zag tweefout. Het pientere bord is na de ineenstorting weder opgestart Dankzij mijn enorme deskundigheid betreffende super computers & specifiek de toepassing van AI gaat het bord nu groots en meeslepende berekeningen loslaten op de 14 opgeslagen formulieren en daarna uit de aangeleverde een top vijf VVA vijand lijst opstellen.

Dit neemt ongeveer een poosje in beslag en dan is het al zo ver, het verdict daar!

Hier is De G5 Vijand lijst aldus mij en mijn slimme Bord.

Op 5

5 Koffieschepje

Op 4

4 Complexe Materie

Op 3

3 De mensen onder de trap

Op 2

2 No Wan

Op 1, de top vijand onder de miljarden vijanden

1 De Dood

Opzienbarend! Wat een lijst. Hier kan ik iets mee, nu kom ik ergens. Ik pik de hoofdschuldige er uit en daar mee aan de slag. De dood, inderdaad al tijden worstel ik met deze enorme onbereikbare doelgroep, zelf heb ik al menig voorstel ingediend bij de omroep om juiste deze personen te bereiken. Promotie teams bij dodenakkers om duidelijk te maken dat je er ondanks alles voor ons nog toe doet, deel uit maakt van onze club. Laat je niet kisten, in het veld slaan, het hoeft niet per c na afloop te zitten in kannen en kruiken, er is meer tussen hemel en aarde namelijk VVA. Flyers uitdelen, buttons, stickers plakken desnoods, deze groep is veruit de grootste en minst gebruikte, genegeerd, het is eerlijk waar kwetsend zo weinig er komt van die kant. De mensen onder de trap hebben het ook zwaar, worden niet erkend pleiten al jaren voor meer rechten, zeggenschap, ruimte om stappen te maken, optredens, trapje hoger komen onder de ladder, zeker, ook hun beschouw ik noodzakelijk voor het betreden van het Weblog Walhalla. No Wan, No Wan, in mijn achterhoofd wist ik al dat jij meer was dan zomaar een karakter, een wisser van mijn werk. Je gedrevenheid om mij en mijn werk van het web te verwijderen komt alleen maar omdat je weet dat ik daardoor energie krijg om nog beter te worden, je me wil stimuleren om het beste uit mezelf te halen. Het bord heeft gesproken, laten zien wat ik eigenlijk al wist.

No Wan – Not true, bord wrong. I try safe world by control delete, no encourage U. All Lies!!

Complexe materie, iedere dag kom ik het tegen maar het stuwt me op, maakt me een moeilijker maar stukken betere mens, complex ben je, materie maar daarom niet minder waard. Ik zie je zoals je echt bent, heel ingewikkeld. En koffieschepje, jaren dacht ik dat jij mijn vriend was maar nu heb ik dankzij bord gezien welk kwaad er in je huist, koffieschepje ik wil je nooit weer in de buurt van mijn weblog zien, ik zal de rechter inschakelen voor het regelen van de een virtueel weblog domein verbod. Ik gebruik mijn handen wel voor koffie scheppen in een filter. Het is dat het niet anders kan omdat ik, wij, van VVA anders niet ieder kwartaal de juiste hoeveelheid volgers winst boeken, ik had je als alles anders was wel een gouden handdruk gegund, een goedmakertje waarmee je het nog een poosje kon uitzingen maar nu het bord je heeft aangewezen als een van de vijf VVA hoofdzonden zie ik daar vanaf.

Ik weet wat me te doen staat en nu ga ik meteen flink worstelen en daarna boven komen als echte overwinteraar.

Progress has been slower this month, in part because I'm now working on the ending of the game, and endings are hard.

Endings are especially hard in this kind of branching interactive fiction, because I've got to pull all the different plot threads together, many of which will be different depending on the player's choices, and many of which I haven't written yet. (Contrast with the ending of Beyond the Chiron Gate, which is basically the same every time you reach it—it varies based on choices you make in the endgame itself, but not based on choices you made earlier in the game.)

And endings are hard to write about because I want to avoid spoilers, which is the main reason this is a short dev diary. Although I will just note that many of the space hero stories I'm drawing on culminate in some kind of mass combat, either on the ground or in space.

Once I've got this ending solved, I'll have a complete path through the game written, and then hopefully everything else will fall into place.

Or will it? Learn more in next month's developer diary!

*

Also, the “No ICE in Minnesota” charity bundle is still live on itch.io, and it has a bunch of great games, so please consider getting that if you haven't already.

#FoolishEarthCreatures #DevDiary

A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms, HBO (2026)

Episodes 4-6 (Spoilers)

See review of 1-3 here

The origin story of Dunk & Egg’s team-up takes a darker turn in the second half of the premiere season. Due to his innate goodness, Dunk finds himself in power’s crosshairs, and Egg is revealed to be the nickname of princeling Aegon Targaryen. 

This show shrinks Westeros down to an intimate experience; we have never spent this kind of quality time with the Smallfolk. Steely Pate, the armorer with a heart of gold, is an elite side character. The closing scene sets up season's worth of storytelling and an effective denouement to the black-and-blue bruising of the previous episode. 

Watch it.

#100WordReviews #Drabble #100DaysToOffload #tv #TVReview #HBO #HouseOfTheDragon #GameOfThrones #Westeros #KnightOfTheSevenKingdoms #Fantasy #television

Previously, I asked if homeowners do research about HOAs before they move into an HOA community. This research is going to be difficult because there is no database for HOA complaints. And there should be at least one, especially for Florida.

Prospective homeowners have to become private investigators to uncover details about the HOAs in the communities in which they anticipate living. You can go to the Reddit r/FuckHOA thread, but posters often conceal details about their neighborhoods, HOAs, and property management companies. Interestingly, many of the stories are about Florida.

As it become increasingly difficult to buy a home without deed restrictions, we need a national database about HOA abuses that is not run by realtors or homeowners association lobbies.

Lydia's Weekly Lifestyle blog is for today's African girl, so no subject is taboo. My purpose is to share things that may interest today's African girl.

This week's contributors: Lydia, Pépé Pépinière, Titi. This week's subjects: The 2026 Corporate Accra Girl Wardrobe: A Bold, Colourful Palette to Power Your Style, Luxury brands super inflated prices reviewed, Fashion in space, Beach walk and star watching, and Saffron Saga Indian restaurant

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The 2026 Corporate Accra Girl Wardrobe: A Bold, Colourful Palette to Power Your Style. Hey, City girls! It’s 2026, and we’re not here to play when it comes to fashion in the corporate world. Gone are the days when a neutral palette ruled the office; the modern corporate Accra girl is taking charge and making waves with a wardrobe that's as bold, vibrant, and dynamic as the city itself. Let’s take a deep dive into the hottest colours dominating the office in Accra this year. Whether you're a startup superstar or a boss at a multinational corporation, your wardrobe needs to reflect confidence, creativity, and of course, that African flair. Ready to turn heads and own the boardroom? Here’s the must-have colour palette you’ll be seeing everywhere this year! Rich Earth Tones with a Twist. Think terracotta, deep cocoa, and burnt sienna — but make them modern and fresh. These earthy hues, reminiscent of Accra’s rich soil and vibrant markets, are perfect for the corporate environment. Paired with sleek, structured suits, dresses, or blazers, these shades exude authority while remaining grounded in the culture. In 2026, we’re adding a twist with pops of gold or coral accessories to lighten the look. Why it works: Earth tones are universally flattering and versatile, while still being a fresh take on the classic neutral tones. They evoke professionalism without sacrificing personality. Style tip: Go for a terracotta blazer with a black pencil skirt or pants. Add a gold necklace and statement earrings to elevate your look. Bonus points if you’re rocking a bold lip in a deep berry or brick red! Luxury brands super inflated prices reviewed. Recent hikes in prices of brands like Dior and Chanel (30-60%) have brought some extra profit to the bottom line of these companies, but now sales are dropping, some customers (about 50 million of them) have come to their senses and feel that a 50 ml bottle of eau de parfum is not worth 150 USD, especially if most of us are hardly able to detect every little smell that goes into that. So these big brands are now offering little items again at lower prices, call it at the entry level, for the aspirational customers, those who want to buy the Brand but cannot really afford it, and who pleasure themselves with a little affordable Brand item, dreaming that later they'll be richer and can then buy some of the other Brand things too. The Brand seems more important than the product itself, and in Ghana too we are influenced by this sort of thing, if it is not an Apple don’t give it to me. I even hear that from people who are asking for money to buy airtime.

Fashion in space. The first man in a space, Yuri Gagarin (a Russian, in 1961) was not even recognizable to his own wife... But since then astronauts and astronautes have become film stars in their own way, and want to look good for the many pictures taken of them. So space suits now look more attractive, as can be seen on a recent picture of the crew who is to replace the current International Space Station crew. The transporter was the Space Shuttle. Looks a bit like star wars dresses, and expect earth fashion to soon copy space fashion, and to have a fashion brand called “Musk”.

Beach walk and star watching. If the sky is clear (not really of late) you can see the stars, and even point out your own Zodiac. But then you need to know what time your zodiac will be visible, which changes throughout the year. But Elon Musk, and many before him, have put so many satellites around the world that you can hardly see the stars again. And especially above areas with a lot of artificial light, like cities, that light disturbs the light emitted by the stars, so you don’t see much again. A bit like trying to listen to music next to a generator. So those who really want to observe stars, as a hobby or professionally, go to areas where there is least light disturbance, like Chile's Atacama Desert, 4000 meters high and no clouds and zero rainfall. And scientists are currently celebrating that a 10 billion $ hydrogen and ammonia production facility project planned for that area has finally been cancelled, it would have spoiled the view.

Saffron Saga Indian restaurant (11th Lane, Salvation Road, behind La Villa Boutique in Osu, Accra) is one of my favourites of late, and often the place is full of Indian looking Indians and we are the only “foreigners”, so it can't be bad or these would go elsewhere. And some of this Indian food is quite interesting. But mind you, it is difficult to talk about Indian food, they have about 7 main distinctive cuisines, and hundreds if not thousands of local cuisines so maybe we are just seeing one particular cuisine here. Something I'll ask the next time I go there. We had crispy canvas humus at GHC 133, this is a sort of very thin crispy pancake fried in what you could call a headpan, and then they add a sort of humus with freshly chopped vegetables like onions, peppers, tomatoes, spring onions etc. Nice. We also had chicken chilly rice at 133GHC, a bit like the royal rice in a Chinese restaurant, but this one is richer, not just a few small pieces of meat or shrimps mixed through the rice. And it is also spicier. Their rice is “wetter” than what you get at the Chinese. Also nice. A Guinness goes for 46 GHC.

Lydia...

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Consistency, Reliability, Anxiety and Technology

Hello fellow beta testers, today is another day of trial and error. Your alarm has worked. That's a good start. Take a deep breath and ask yourself what is the next piece of technology you will need to rely on today? Do you have a backup plan if it doesn't work? Anxiety has been thinking about these things all night. Anxiety and our current, technologically advanced world are great bedfellows.

The boomers often told stories of consumer products that would last a life time. “They don't make 'em like they used to,” was the phrase that covered everything from automobiles to toasters. The generations after the boomers can attest to the quality loss. The were guinea pigs for corporations. What is our tolerance for replacing the tech in our lives? Imagine the parents of boomers had a refrigerator for 50 years and then gave it to their boomer children for the garage or basement. My parents had a fridge for maybe 20 years. Today, a 15 year old fridge is beyond geriatric and more of a miracle.

As more and more devices have computers built-in, they become less reliable. Of course, there's a new-ish villain on the scene as well. Built-in obsolescence is the prince of capitalism. Now, if we are lucky to have homes, they all come with the insecurity of inconsistent appliances that our recent ancestors relied on. Knowing that tomorrow morning there is a 50% chance that my transit card may not scan and I won't get to work is not a comforting thought. You've got a load of wet clothes in the washer, but suddenly the dryer refuses to recognize that its door is closed and fails to start. The garage door opener is great at that one job. Note that is not called a garage door closer. Yup, something is tripping it up and it will not close. The printer, well let's face it, the thing has never worked without some sort of hassle.

Meanwhile, your boss was around when computers were advertised as the fastest, most efficient and effective tools for every single task. Certainly you can finish this project you were given via email 20 minutes ago in under an hour and still get 3 other tasks done. You have a computer! Never mind that the latest security update has broken your email client and if you computer goes to sleep it will lock up and you have to turn it off and then back on to keep working. The boss doesn't really believe you. Her computer is not having issues. Granted, you aren't sure what she uses it for because last week you had to show her how to add an appointment to her calendar.

Whether technology works or not, the world is moving at a faster pace and that is causing anxiety in many people. The faster we move, the more that is expected of us thanks to capitalism. Glitchy, buggy technology is the bread of the shit sandwich that is our anxiety. It gets worse every single day. That goes for both anxiety and technology.

Panic on the Hour

The amount of tasks we perform in a day is far more than it used to be. We congratulate ourselves for putting in extra time as well. The idea of working more than 40 hours a week is a badge of honor, not something to alarm us. Anxiety gets to spend far more time on the job when we work more hours and increase the number of tasks we perform. So we're all on meds trying to stop the lizard brain from interpreting the fact that the email won't open as a physical attack from a predator. Well to be fair, if you don't get the email with the changes open, you don't make the changes, you get fired, you cannot pay the bills and will likely die on the streets in the winter. Maybe the lizard brain isn't that far off with its interpretation.

We're scared. Living paycheck to paycheck means more than just a few white hairs. We're afraid of layoffs so we put in extra, unpaid time to show our loyalty. All that extra time means we're not eating healthy. We don't have time for doctor exam, when could we ever fit that in? Now, I am scared about my health. The anxiety starts to become overwhelming, but I surely cannot take time off from work. Despite there being a mental health leave available, taking it is a one way ticket to the scrutiny of every single minute when I am back at work. Any mistake is proof that I am no longer cut out for this work.

Of course, the moment you think about taking a mental health leave is the first time that you recognized that things are getting bad. This means you get to add that to the infinite anxiety list. You could ask for an accommodation, perhaps to work a day or two at home? No, you cannot do that because your internet at home goes down at random times, once a week. Your provider forces you to use their hardware and they've replace the network hub 3 times already. Is it a cheap device or are the employees at the manufacturer of the hub feeling similar to you? Are they so anxious trying to meet quotas that they make mistakes during assembly?

Perhaps we should say capitalism “pushes” the world around, not makes it go around.

Unreliable Expectations

“Everything is out to destroy us!” Anxiety chants.

Though, it is not paranoia or a flight or fight system that is overreacting. Literally the technology we use to solve problems everyday is built to fail in the name of capitalism. One of the biggest advancements in recent years is the smart phone. It's also one of the most expensive things we own.

We forget that our phones which are now required for transactions at banks or social agencies, are priced anywhere between $700 – $3000 USD. The companies have put us on payment plans. They cover the phone cost upfront and we pay it off in 3-5 years. Of course, the technology moves so fast that the phone will be obsolete in 2 years.

It's this weird mix between having the latest, supported device that is required for most of the tasks in our world and owning a status symbol. Companies have taught us that phones don't last long. Nobody expects a phone to last them 50 years. So it's normal to go into debt every two years for at least 2k. And, now everything is digital and runs software like a phone so obviously we need a new dishwasher. This one is pushing 6 years.

We have printers, nearly all ink jet printers on the market have an expiry date. At some point the printer will say it needs to be serviced, but shipping it to be serviced and paying for the service is more than the cost of a new printer.

We're missing those reliable, stable pieces in our lives that give us breathing room to worry about the things that matter in the moment. Our lives are a minefield and we're navigating blind. Of course we are anxious.

The stress of all our human relationships and the complexity of all the financial commitments that require our attention to simply have a roof over our heads is far more than we can handle. Yet, the layer above that is filled with technology that is unreliable. Your bank website is down. The car refuses to be put in drive because it thinks the air bag has been deployed. The Uber app says your credit card was denied so you cannot get to the bank for help. The furnace in the house is not working and you are freaking out. To calm the anxiety you think you should do a guided meditation. Unfortunately, your phone has decided that it won't play any audio of any kind.

With any luck, I will be able to post this without issue. Then, I can settle into the anxiety of the moment.

The failure to read good books both enfeebles the vision and strengthens our most fatal tendency – the belief that the here and now is all there is.

— Allan Bloom (h/t: Cultural Offering)

#culture #life #quotes #reading

Gestern in einer digitalen Politik-Werkstatt des SEND e.V. zur politischen Arbeit in ländlichen Räumen habe ich einen Gedanken geteilt, der mich schon länger begleitet und den ich hier etwas sortieren möchte. In meinem beruflichen Alltag begegne ich in Dörfern und Kleinstädten regelmäßig Menschen, die sich selbst als konservativ bezeichnen – und zugleich an Projekten arbeiten, die man im urbanen Diskurs vermutlich als progressiv oder sogar transformativ einordnen würde. Diese Menschen bauen Netzwerke auf, gründen Coworking Spaces, initiieren MehrWertOrte oder engagieren sich für das, was Ray Oldenburg als „Dritte Orte“ beschrieben hat: Räume jenseits von Zuhause und Arbeitsplatz, in denen Begegnung, Austausch und demokratische Aushandlung stattfinden.

Und doch höre ich immer wieder den Satz: „Ich bin eher konservativ.“ Das hat mich lange irritiert – auch, weil ich mich selbst nicht als konservativ verstehe und wir trotzdem gut, konstruktiv und mit gemeinsamen Zielen zusammenarbeiten. Hinzu kommt, dass empirische Befunde, etwa von dem Soziologen Ansgar Hudde, zeigen, dass das Wahlverhalten vieler dieser Personen – mit regionalen Ausnahmen wie Bayern oder der Eifel – gar nicht eindeutig konservativ ist. Selbstzuschreibung und politische Praxis fallen also nicht zwangsläufig zusammen.

Vielleicht liegt die Irritation an meinem Begriffsverständnis. Im urban geprägten Diskurs erscheint „konservativ“ häufig als Gegenbegriff zu „progressiv“: Bewahrung statt Veränderung, Tradition statt Innovation. Im ländlichen Raum scheint sich diese Semantik jedoch zu verschieben. Dort bedeutet konservativ meiner Wahrnehmung nach oft, Verantwortung für das Gemeinwesen zu übernehmen, sich zu kümmern und funktionierende Strukturen nicht leichtfertig aufzugeben.

Wenn eine Unternehmerin einen leerstehenden Vierseitenhof in einen Coworking- und Begegnungsort transformiert, dann geschieht das selten aus disruptivem Sendungsbewusstsein. Es geht um Ortskernbelebung, um kürzere Wege, um Perspektiven für junge Menschen, um soziale Infrastruktur. Das ist kein Bruch mit dem Bestehenden, sondern dessen Weiterentwicklung. Auch der urbane Coworking Space war nie wirklich disruptiv – Büros existieren weiterhin –, doch im städtischen Kontext wurde Coworking gern als Symbol einer „neuen Arbeitswelt“ inszeniert. Neu ist dort normativ aufgeladen. Auf dem Land ist neu vor allem funktional.

In Metropolen war Coworking lange Teil einer kreativen Milieu-Logik; in Kleinstädten und Dörfern ist es häufig eine infrastrukturelle Antwort auf strukturelle Herausforderungen: Leerstand nimmt zu, Geschäftsmodelle verändern sich, klassische Treffpunkte verschwinden, junge Menschen pendeln oder ziehen weg. Unter diesen Bedingungen wird ein Coworking Space zu einem Instrument der Daseinsvorsorge im weiteren Sinne.

Ähnlich verhält es sich mit MehrWertOrten: multifunktionale Räume, die Arbeiten, Lernen, Nahversorgung, Kultur und Ehrenamt zusammenführen. Sie stabilisieren lokale Netzwerke und erhöhen Resilienz. Viele Initiator*innen sprechen dabei von Heimat, Zusammenhalt, Verantwortung und Generationengerechtigkeit – Begriffe, die politisch eher konservativ konnotiert sind. Und doch sind diese Projekte ohne Offenheit nicht denkbar. Unterschiedliche Professionen, Lebensentwürfe und politische Haltungen teilen sich Infrastruktur und kommen ins Gespräch. Vielleicht lese ich diese Praxis deshalb – aus meiner urban sozialisierten Perspektive – als progressiv.

Je länger ich darüber nachdenke, desto mehr zweifle ich an der Schärfe der Dichotomie „konservativ versus progressiv“ im ländlichen Kontext. Viele der Akteur*innen, mit denen ich arbeite, wollen nichts umstürzen. Sie wollen erhalten, was ihnen wichtig ist: Lebensqualität, Gemeinschaft, wirtschaftliche Tragfähigkeit. Gerade aus diesem Motiv heraus entwickeln sie neue Modelle von Arbeit, Kooperation und Begegnung. Das wirkt weniger wie ein Widerspruch als wie eine andere Form von Fortschritt – nicht der radikale Bruch mit dem Bestehenden, sondern eine behutsame Transformation aus der Mitte der Gemeinschaft heraus.

Wer ländliche Räume vorschnell in politische Schubladen steckt, übersieht diese Dynamik. Dort entstehen Orte, die demokratische Kultur stärken, wirtschaftliche Perspektiven eröffnen und gesellschaftliche Vielfalt ermöglichen – häufig initiiert von Menschen, die sich selbst als konservativ verstehen. Für mich ist das inzwischen weniger irritierend als ermutigend. Es zeigt, dass Offenheit nicht zwingend an ein bestimmtes politisches Label gebunden ist und dass Coworking Spaces, MehrWertOrte und andere Dritte Orte Brücken schlagen können – zwischen Milieus, Generationen und Weltanschauungen. Vielleicht liegt genau darin ihr eigentlicher Mehrwert.

Así como suena, sin alterar. En su golpe, en las ondas que produce, tal como es, sencilla perfección.

Dejando que la mente caiga, descanse. Simplemente lo que sucede.

Otra gota, y otra. La montaña, la casa, el origen: la luz que enciende la forma y tus pensamientos, también gotas.

En su golpe, otra gota.

Sin alterar nada, descansa.

I started The Catechetic Converter a year ago. And I feel an obligation to write something in honor of that milestone, celebrating the fact that I’ve had my own website for a full year.

The post that has the most views is my first one, which is about Linux. And Linux and this site have an intertwined relationship in that my switch to Linux helped inspire me to get away from “Big Tech” in other ways. In fact, it was (I think) a post on Westenberg that inspired me to start the blog. The idea of having my own little corner of the web, not mediated by some corporation—and not built to make money—was appealing. Just a place to stick my random thoughts and ideas, putting them “out there” in the ether to see where they land, what they inspire… I loved that.

And Linux and this post are kind of intertwined because I have spent the past week staying up far too late most nights (in violation of one of my Lenten disciplines to go to bed by 10:30) trying to get a custom firmware to run on an MP3 player.

See, in continuance of the spirit of moving away from Big Tech, I have started disentangling myself from having everything on a phone. I asked for a Sony CyberShot F707 digital camera for Christmas (a model I had when it was brand new and stupidly donated to Goodwill or whatever several years back). And then I bought an Innioasis Y1, which hearkens back to iPods of yore (with a click-wheel and everything). This is a device that folks like to tinker with as well and I learned that people had managed to get a bespoke firmware known as RockBox—initially developed for old iPods—to run on the device, improving its functionality in numerous ways. So I planned to do this.

After what seemed like months, the device finally arrived. The standard, out-of-the-box firmware was fine, if a little rough. But the filing system for finding my music was wanting and so I decided to give RockBox a try because it offers more refinements in this area (plus a TON of fun custom themes for the device). Doing this requires downloading and running a program known as the Innioasis Updater, which was developed primarily for Windows and Mac but also includes a Linux version that is overtly said to be “unofficial” with warnings that I would be “on my own” with this. I got the sense that this would be a challenge.

I’ll spare you too many details, but I had to download another tool called MTKClient, which is written in Python, and had to run a ton of terminal commands to get running. It didn’t help that installation guides were written using LLMs and I needed to switch back and forth between two of them to get all the necessary steps right (the “official” one on GitHub failed to note the need to change directories in a couple of key places). I wound up needing certain drivers, having to write custom scripts. At one point I managed to accidentally remove all of my terminal commands thanks to forgetting to add the word “eval” to a directory. Then I also managed to lock myself into my machine (in this case a 2011-era Mac running Linux Mint) constantly trying to download Android Platform Tools from a broken mirror of a repository—which taught me a whole a range of new commands to fully purge a faulty download. After successfully installing both programs, I found that the updater would not properly read my device.

I attempted to install the program using my wife’s Windows 11 laptop and was reminded why I’ve spent over twenty years hating Microsoft.

But GitHub forums came to the rescue (where I also learned that the updater was vibe-coded using LLMs which probably explains a lot) and I got RockBox to run on the device. It now has a theme that looks like it belongs on the first MacIntosh (because even though we might have broken up, I still carry parts of her that are now parts of me). I’m listening to Maggie Rogers on the device as I write this—right after I celebrated this accomplishment with the Geto Boys’ “Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta.”

***

This morning at my parish’s Bible Study, one of my parishioners noted that I tend to have a lot of information and ephemera in my head related to any number of things related to Christianity. “I tend to think of things more simply,” he said.

I told him that I also value simplicity, but I come to that simplicity through learning and accumulating knowledge about what I’m doing and believing. For me it’s like a bell curve by way of zen. What I mean is that the zen monk may take a guy out of the mud, put him on the stool for years and teach him koans and sutras, get him to the verge of enlightenment only to then throw him back in the mud because the guy needs to learn that enlightenment can be found in the mud. In other words, I like taking things apart just to get back to where I started because I now understand that start so much better.

Tinkering and futzing with my computer speaks to this because it helps me to consider the complexity behind simple things. Like right now I’m putting letters together into words on a document. But there is an astounding amount of calculations taking place to make this happen. The words you read on your screen are the result of carefully managed electrical currents running on circuit boards and through cables connected to liquid crystal fields that display what you’re seeing. And there are also an incomprehensible number of electrical charges going on among the synapses in your brain to not only cause you to see these words, but to interpret them as things that cause you to feel things and think other things.

In the Bible Study we looked at Jesus’ discussion with Nicodemus in the third chapter of John’s gospel. In that passage Jesus says that everyone born of the Spirit is like the wind (in the Greek language of John’s gospel there is a triple meaning of Spirit/wind/breath that Jesus is playing with here). The wind connects. The wind moves. This speaks to the complex connections between things, connections made by God. Connections where God can be found. And like the wind, once God shows up you know it.

***

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this. I guess I’m just on the other side of bell-curve, back where I started. Putting out thoughts and words into the ether to see where they land. To see what they inspire. Which is another wind-related word, by the way. I’m writing this on a miraculous piece of technology and you’re reading it on one equally so. In between us is a dense web of complexity and connection—including both electricity and wind. We can take a look at that complexity, investigate it, see how it runs. But in the end we come back to where we began:

A writer and a reader, brought together by some wind. A wind holy and mysterious.

***

The Rev. Charles Browning II is the rector of Saint Mary’s Episcopal Church in Honolulu, Hawai’i. He is a husband, father, surfer, and frequent over-thinker. Follow him on Mastodon and Pixelfed.

#Linux #Christianity #Thought #Random #Jesus #Technology

Los jóvenes de hoy no son capaces siquiera de saltar una jirafa. A tu edad, yo me apoyaba en una vara larga que hice con madera de encino, y fui capaz de saltar tres jirafas en diez segundos. Mi amigo Edgard llegó a saltar cinco jirafas, cronometrado. Tú no eres capaz ni de brincar un sapo, y si te pasa cerca te asustas.

Esto te lo digo porque has cogido una pena y no sales de ella. Ahí pegado como un tornillo. Hijo, los muchachos de antes cogíamos diez penas a la semana y las íbamos brincando de una en una hasta dejarlas atrás. Yo fui capaz de saltar seis penas el mismo día. Tu tío el Matracas saltó ocho. Y tú ves una y te quedas atascado.

A tu edad los muchachos del pueblo nos levantábamos el ánimo tirando piedras a los que iban en sus canoas por los rápidos del río Zot. Llegué a arrancarle una oreja al tío abuelo de un amigo al que le decíamos el Cornetas. Muy difícil darles porque en el pueblo se la sabían todas.

-Papá, acuérdate que tú naciste allá y esos eran otros tiempos. Aquí en Los Ángeles la vida es diferente, las penas se disfrutan y, si se puede, vivimos de ellas.

In March 2023, GPT-4 could identify prime numbers with 97.6% accuracy. By June, that figure had cratered to 2.4%. Not a rounding error, not a minor regression, but a 95-point collapse on the same task with the same prompts. If a bridge lost 95% of its load-bearing capacity in three months, someone would go to prison. In AI, the vendor posts a changelog and moves on.

This pattern has repeated with depressing regularity across every frontier provider. Models ship to applause and enterprise contracts get signed on the strength of benchmark screenshots, and then something changes. The model you evaluated is no longer the model answering your customers, and nobody tells you until your production workflow starts producing garbage.

The evidence is not anecdotal

Researchers at Stanford and UC Berkeley tracked this drift formally, comparing GPT-3.5 and GPT-4 snapshots from March and June 2023 across seven tasks. The results were bad enough to make the researchers themselves flinch. GPT-4’s ability to generate directly executable code dropped from 52% to 10%. Its willingness to follow chain-of-thought prompting, one of the most widely used techniques for improving accuracy, degraded without explanation. GPT-3.5 actually improved on some tasks where GPT-4 got worse, which implies that updates to one model’s behaviour were creating unintended regressions in another.

“The magnitude of the changes in the LLMs’ responses surprised us,” James Zou, a Stanford professor and co-author, told The Register. The team’s conclusion was blunt. The behaviour of the “same” LLM service can shift substantially in weeks, and nobody outside the provider knows when or why.

This wasn’t a one-off result that got debated and forgotten. The OpenAI developer forums have become a rolling graveyard of complaints. In September 2025, users running GPT-4.1 reported severe intelligence degradation within 30 days of launch, with complex tool calls and multi-step instructions suddenly failing. Similar threads appeared for GPT-4 Turbo in May 2025. The pattern never varies, and by now it has become depressingly predictable. Works brilliantly at launch, degrades silently, users scramble to figure out what broke.

Why this happens (and why the incentives encourage it)

There are at least four mechanisms that can degrade a deployed model, and most frontier providers are using all of them simultaneously.

Quantisation is the most technically straightforward of the four, and the easiest to understand. A model trained in 16-bit or 32-bit floating-point precision gets compressed to 8-bit or 4-bit integers for serving. The arithmetic is straightforward enough, since a model stored in FP16 needs roughly two bytes per parameter, so a 70-billion-parameter model demands about 140GB of VRAM just for weights. Quantise to 4-bit and you cut that to around 35GB, enough to run on hardware that costs a fraction as much.

The trade-off is supposed to be minimal, and Red Hat’s analysis of over 500,000 evaluations found that 8-bit and 4-bit quantised models showed “very competitive accuracy recovery” on most benchmarks, especially for larger models. But that phrase “most benchmarks” is doing heavy lifting. Quantisation works by rounding, and rounding destroys outlier values. The weights that fire rarely but matter enormously for edge-case reasoning are exactly the weights that get flattened first. For standard tasks you barely notice the difference, but for the specific hard problems your production system was built to handle, the gap can be catastrophic. One developer reported that dynamic quantisation of a 3B-parameter model dropped accuracy from 65.6% to 32.3%, a halving that no benchmark average would predict.

Mixture-of-experts routing is the more interesting culprit, and the one providers talk about least. DeepSeek’s V3, for example, has 671 billion total parameters but only activates about 37 billion per token. The economics are irresistible because you get the capacity of a massive model with the inference cost of a much smaller one. But the router decides which experts handle which queries, and routing decisions are probabilistic. A query that activated your model’s strongest expert subnetwork at launch might get routed differently after an update to the routing logic, or after the provider adjusts load balancing to handle peak traffic. The user sees the same model name in the API response. The actual computation behind it may have changed entirely.

Distillation and model substitution is the elephant in the room that everyone suspects but nobody can prove definitively. Rumours have circulated since mid-2023 that OpenAI routes some queries to smaller, cheaper models behind the same API endpoint. The Gleech.org 2025 AI retrospective put it plainly: “True frontier capabilities are likely obscured by systematic cost-cutting (distillation for serving to consumers, quantisation, low reasoning-token modes, routing to cheap models).” GPT-4.5 was retired after just three months, presumably because the inference costs were unsustainable, even though it still ranked in the top five on LMArena for hallucination reduction nine months later. The model that performed best got killed because it was too expensive to run.

Safety tuning and RLHF adjustments create the subtlest form of drift. When OpenAI tightens content filters or adjusts the model’s tendency to refuse certain queries, those changes ripple through the entire behaviour space. The Stanford study found that GPT-4 became less willing to explain why it refused sensitive questions, switching from detailed explanations to terse “Sorry, I can’t answer that” responses. The model may have become safer by one measure, but it simultaneously became less transparent and less useful for legitimate applications that happened to brush against the updated boundaries.

The economics are doing exactly what you would expect

Running frontier models is staggeringly expensive, and every provider is under pressure to reduce cost-per-token. The maths, as one industry analysis noted, resembles building more fuel-efficient engines and then using the efficiency gains to build monster trucks. Token prices have dropped by a factor of 1,000 in three years, but reasoning models now generate thousands of internal tokens before producing a single visible output, and 99% of demand shifts to the newest model the moment it ships.

Providers respond by doing what any business would do. They optimise for throughput and margin, quantising the weights and routing easy queries to cheaper subnetworks while distilling the flagship into something that passes the benchmarks but costs a tenth as much to serve. The individual techniques are all defensible, but stacked together and applied silently, they create a system where the model’s advertised performance diverges from its delivered performance over time.

DeepSeek made this trade-off explicit and turned it into a business strategy. Its V3 model serves inference at roughly 90% below comparable OpenAI and Anthropic rates, and the MoE architecture that enables this pricing is openly documented. Whatever you think of the approach, at least the engineering trade-offs are visible. The problem is worse when providers make the same trade-offs quietly, behind an API that returns the same model identifier regardless of what actually computed the response.

What this means if you build on top of these models

The practical upshot is unpleasant but straightforward. If your application depends on consistent model behaviour, you are building on sand that shifts without warning. The Stanford researchers recommended continuous monitoring, and they were right, but monitoring alone doesn’t solve the problem, because it tells you something broke without stopping it from breaking.

Pinning to a specific model snapshot helps, where providers offer it, but even snapshots get deprecated. OpenAI maintains them for a few months and then requires developers to migrate. The careful evaluation you ran against the March snapshot becomes irrelevant when you’re forced onto the June version and nobody can tell you exactly what changed.

The deeper issue is one of trust and transparency. When a model provider updates a live model, they are unilaterally changing the behaviour of every application built on top of it. That is not a software update but an undocumented API change, the kind that would trigger outrage in any other engineering discipline. Imagine if AWS silently swapped your database engine for a cheaper one that was “approximately equivalent” on standard benchmarks, and you can begin to see how the AI industry has somehow normalised something that would be career-ending negligence anywhere else.

Where this leaves us

The model you benchmarked, the one that earned the contract, that impressed the board, that your engineers spent weeks building prompts and evaluation harnesses around, is a snapshot of a moving target. Quantisation shaves off the edges while routing sends your queries to whichever expert subnetwork happens to be cheapest that millisecond, and safety updates redraw the boundaries of what the model will and won’t do. None of it shows up in the model name string your application receives in the API response.

Somewhere in a data centre, the accountants and the alignment researchers are both pulling the same model in different directions, one toward cheaper inference and the other toward tighter guardrails, and the engineers who built their products on last month’s version are left checking the forums to figure out why everything stopped working on a Tuesday.

JOURNAL 27 février Natte, sabre, bokken, une leçon de kenjutsu

Alors j'ai expliqué à ces élèves déjà avancés pourquoi dans le kenjutsu on coupe pas les nattes. J'enseigne le kenjutsu, c’est l’ensemble des techniques de combat des guerriers traditionnels japonais. Je dis bien de combat, ça veut dire on est censés avoir un adversaire, pas une natte immobile. Pour couper une natte, on utilise la lame à partir de la moitié de sa longueur, pour ça il faut s'approcher de la natte. Déjà là un adversaire il va pas te laisser approcher comme ça sans rien faire. Mais mettons. On dégaine, on prend le sabre à deux mains, la plupart du temps on frappe fort donc avec les jambes… on risque de coincer la lame. On est mort. Si on coupe on termine la lame vers le bas, un peu penché en avant pour se remettre en position en garde il faut reculer de deux pas... Je fais pas de dessin : à toutes les phases de l'action on se met gravement en danger devant un adversaire. Dans le kenjutsu on garde une longueur de bras plus une de lame. Dans le même geste on dégaine, on coupe avec la pointe deux trois centimètres de lame maximum, on se remet aussitôt en garde sans avoir à reculer. Si on a bien estimé la distance ( ça s'acquiert facilement) on a coupé la carotide. C’est suffisant au besoin on peut porter un deuxième coup. Pas besoin d'avoir une force exceptionnelle, il suffit d'avoir le mouvement juste. C’est ça la différence et c’est pour ça qu’on s'amuse pas à couper les nattes. J'ai fait la démonstration sur une natte justement. La coupe sur tout le diamètre environ 3 cm de profondeur, à vue de nez ½ seconde. C’est parce que je suis formée au kenjutsu que j'ai battu moralement mon frère dès le premier assaut de notre duel. On avait les bokken bien sûr mais moi je m’en servais comme d'un sabre au premier assaut de la pointe de mon bokken j'ai touchés les tendons de sa main, avec un sabre le combat était fini, lui voulait me casser les os, toute la différence est là. Évidemment c’est plus clair quand je peux montrer, mais je crois que même ici c’est compréhensible. Mes élèves ont compris.

I learned that I'm supposed to move on. And I learned a couple different ways of doing that, one of the ways was to act like they had died and grieve that. But I guess it's pretty hard because I know she's not dead. Open watching a good amount of videos on a different set of topics, things from her perspective, things from my perspective, things from relationship in the future stuff like that. I also learned that I over intellectualized the break up, and because of that I was able to shield myself from grief. And so I'm back to letting myself feel that grief.

I was watching a video on YouTube an old lady reading something called. Let them, just let them. And I think it's a pretty simple concept that I think would benefit me a lot to really internalize. I spent a lot of time in the relationship and I put up with a lot of stuff because I really wanted things to work, for the sake of things working. I think I also took on the role of a caretaker a lot, and I tried to fix her. I think I took a lot of responsibility and I told myself that I had a lot of agency on the things that she was kind of deficient in, and instead of trying to move on, I instead almost made her a pet project in a way of trying to make her want to change and become the person that I hoped I could spend a future with. But you cannot make a horse drink water. All you can do is lead it to it. I think there's a certain kind of grief in accepting the fact that I cannot save her, and additionally accepting the fact that if she chooses to get better, maybe I can take some amount of credit for being part of that catalyst, but at the same time it's not because of me.

It was a really weird thing, when I was using ChatGPT as a sounding board, one of the questions it asked me was how would I feel if in two years she got better emotionally. Like she had healed and fixed a lot of the issues that caused our relationship to fail. And weirdly I didn't feel good about it and I don't really know why if I'm being honest. I think the low hanging fruit I would guess is that I would be upset that I didn't get to experience that version of her. And I guess another part of me would feel like I tried really hard to give her that grace and give her the tools to fix her issues, but she just didn't. And then in this hypothetical, she then did. It's a weird thing because I've said a lot that I want the best for her and I want her life to go well, but when I think about her in a relationship with another person, especially if it's recent, it hurts. I think that's also just a very natural thing of course but it still hurts. I think I want to know that I was special to her, and I guess part of me is still hanging onto those words that she would always tell me of how I was the one and how she doesn't know how she could live without me. But I guess that's the caretaker. I think I also thought a lot about the fact that part of the reason why I felt like she loved me a lot was because I took care of her in those ways. I would give her a lot of grace, I would tolerate a lot of things, I would regulate her emotions, I would try to fix her where I could. And I remember that in the most recent fuck up, I had a really weird thought that I didn’t like it. My brain told me at some point that she was going to make up for this so much, and I would essentially receive so much love and affection from that. Almost like my needs, and even just my wants would be met, because she almost owed me in a way. And that thought disgusted me immediately even in the moment. That's not at all what love should be like and I really don't think that's how I viewed things either. I really hope not.

I started to cry when I was driving home from hanging out with a friend, and I kind of triggered it on my own. I put my hand off to the side like I would when we were driving, and I would hold her thighs. And then I would put my hand where I would've held her hand on the center console. I told myself that I lost my passenger princess. And that was enough to make me start crying again. I went to the food place that we went to together a lot when I first moved here. I thought about how we parked in almost the same spot and she would get into my car and we would eat our food while watching a YouTube video together. But it's almost like I've ran out of tears. I heaved and I cried, but not many tears came out.

I cried a lot yesterday when I put some of the last keepsakes into the trash bag that I have now stored into the shed. I also put lemon, which was the stuffed animal that she bought to cuddle at my place. And it felt kind of fucked because lemon kind of became my stuffed animal in a way. I've never really been super attached to a stuffed animal, but part of me feels really guilty for keeping it in that shed, especially when I've cuddled it so many nights. Maybe the kindest thing that I could do is rehome lemon. Part of me wants to of course keep lemon, and it's weird because it doesn't even feel like it's super strongly tied to her, like lemon is its own thing in my mind. But then I also think about all of the photos and all of the times that she cuddled lemon. All the times that I would see her sleeping so peacefully cuddling it. You know it would make me sad sometimes because she would cuddle lemon and Hash would be trying to snuggle up with her on the side. And I would always wonder how she could choose stuffed animal over Hash. Sometimes she did cuddle Hash though and it made me really happy to see that. And just like that, I've started to cry again. I feel a lot of obligation towards my dog, Hash. And I really want to make sure that any partner I have in the future is loved by him, and absolutely loves him back. Honestly, a part of me feels like another reason why I'm glad I made this decision was because when she was breaking up with me and going through my house with her roommates, she said bye-bye Hash in a very light tone, like she had emotionally distanced herself from him. And I just don't understand how you could love a dog and dismiss them so easily. Her roommates even were making jokes about stealing him. And how their cat would beat him in a fight. I don't care how much she was mad at me, or how much she needed the relationship to end. She should never have even considered any kind of malintent towards him. That's my baby. And at the end of the day, I really do mean that way more than whenever I would say that towards her. Hash should never have been disregarded or caught by the conflict we had. And I think that's enough of a reason for me to understand that maybe she wasn't the one for me. And it hurts a lot because I think Hash is like me in a lot of ways. I went through camera roll and I found photos of her with Hash sleeping under her lap while she was doing homework. And there's so many photos of them together. And Hash really loved her so much, just like I did. But I think sometimes there were just periods where, for whatever reason she wouldn't be well, and she would hurt us. I think at the end of the day, I really do deserve someone who wouldn't do that to me. I deserve to be loved, in a gentle way. In a way where I don't need to take care of someone else and keep them emotionally grounded. In a way that I don't need to convince them or explain to them how they've hurt me, but rather it comes from a place of compassion and curiosity. And I'm not saying that E didn't love me at all. But I don't think she loved me in the healthiest of ways, and I also agree that I don't think I loved her in those same ways. I also don't know if I believe if love conquers all. Because I think if she truly loved me, she would've helped herself. She would've done the work to overcome the problems that she had, at the same time, maybe those problems were just more than her love could handle. And so she did love me, but I think she was struggling a lot. And maybe the kindest thing she could've done in that situation was to let me go. And the problem is I didn't want to let go. And so I think the even kinder thing she did for me was to take it so far that I would have no choice. And maybe that was what I needed. I really poke in my future relationships. I'm able to set boundaries and I'm able to take time and make sure that the person I choose to be with next is someone who is good for me.