There is a strange comfort in rereading what has already happened. The mind returns to old scenes the way fingers return to worn pages in a favorite book. We remember the tone of the voices, the shape of the rooms, the feeling in our chest when something broke or slipped away. We revisit moments that wounded us, moments that embarrassed us, moments that changed us, and we call it reflection. Sometimes it is reflection. Often, it is captivity disguised as wisdom. We tell ourselves we are being careful, realistic, grounded. In truth, we are building tomorrow with yesterday’s language, and then wondering why nothing new ever appears.

God does not write in reverse. He does not compose lives by endlessly revising the same paragraph. He writes stories that move forward, even when the characters hesitate. The tragedy is not that pain happens. Pain happens to every human being. The tragedy is when pain becomes the chapter we never close. It becomes the lens through which we read every new page. It becomes the voice narrating every new opportunity. It becomes the reason we do not step into what God is offering because we are still interpreting the present through the grammar of the past.

Most people do not realize how much of their daily thinking is shaped by something that no longer exists. A relationship that ended. A failure that once defined them. A season when they prayed and nothing seemed to happen. A betrayal that changed how they trust. A loss that changed how they see the future. These events do not simply fade. They settle into the heart and become a private script that plays whenever something new tries to begin. The opportunity appears, and the memory answers first. The calling stirs, and the wound responds before faith has time to speak.

This is why Scripture so often pairs movement with obedience. When God called Abram, He did not ask him to analyze his homeland. He told him to leave it. When God delivered Israel, He did not give them a seminar on Egypt. He gave them a direction to walk. When Jesus called disciples, He did not ask them to summarize their past. He said, “Follow Me.” God’s invitations are forward-facing. The human instinct is backward-glancing. Faith walks into what it cannot yet see. Fear keeps reading what it already knows.

There is something deceptively spiritual about staying in old chapters. We dress it in language that sounds wise. We say we are cautious. We say we are learning from experience. We say we are protecting ourselves. But protection can become prison when it replaces trust. Experience can become a wall when it replaces hope. Caution can become paralysis when it replaces obedience. God never called His people to be reckless, but He never called them to be frozen either. He called them to walk.

Israel’s story in the wilderness is not just ancient history. It is a mirror. They had been enslaved for generations. Their bodies were free, but their thinking was still chained. When the road became hard, they did not remember the miracles; they remembered the menu. They spoke longingly of Egypt, as though captivity were comfort. They forgot the whips and remembered the leeks. They forgot the cries and remembered the routine. The wilderness was unfamiliar. Egypt was predictable. And predictability can feel safer than promise.

This is what happens when people refuse to turn the page. They begin to romanticize what once nearly destroyed them. They remember the familiarity, not the cost. They remember the routine, not the chains. They begin to talk about old seasons as though God had not rescued them from those seasons. They confuse memory with meaning. They confuse survival with destiny.

God does not bring people out of bondage so they can build monuments to it. He brings them out so they can become something new. The wilderness was not Israel’s punishment. It was their transition. It was the space between what they were and what they were becoming. They could not become a nation while thinking like slaves. They could not inherit promise while clinging to captivity. And they could not enter the land while looking backward.

The same is true in quieter ways for individual lives. People stay emotionally in places God already moved them out of. They stay in the mindset of the relationship that failed. They stay in the shame of the mistake that already received forgiveness. They stay in the fear of the season that already ended. They stay in the disappointment of the prayer that did not unfold as expected. They stay in the version of themselves that existed before growth, before healing, before grace. They carry the old chapter forward and call it realism.

But God does not define people by what happened to them. He defines them by what He is doing in them. Scripture never introduces a person by their worst moment. Moses is not eternally labeled by the man he killed. David is not permanently described by the sin he committed. Peter is not remembered only by the denial he spoke. These events mattered, but they were not the final sentence. God did not erase their history, but He did not let it become their identity.

This is where many believers struggle. They believe God can forgive them, but they do not believe God can redefine them. They believe the sin is gone, but they still live as though the chapter is open. They believe grace exists, but they keep reading the page that says failure. They treat forgiveness like a legal transaction instead of a creative act. In Scripture, forgiveness is not just cancellation. It is transformation. It is not only removal of guilt; it is the rewriting of purpose.

When Jesus met people, He did not merely remove their pain. He redirected their lives. The man who had lain on a mat for years was not told to remain there and feel better about it. He was told to stand up and walk. The woman who had been trapped in shame was not told to stay in the same pattern with a clearer conscience. She was told to go and live differently. The fishermen were not told to reflect more deeply on their nets. They were told to leave them.

Movement is not optional in spiritual life. It is part of healing. God does not heal people so they can remain where they were wounded. He heals them so they can walk into what they were created for. Remaining in the place of injury may feel safer than stepping into uncertainty, but it quietly keeps the wound in charge. It allows the pain to define the boundaries of possibility. It lets yesterday write tomorrow.

The apostle Paul understood this in a way few people do. His past was not small. He had persecuted the church. He had caused suffering in the name of religious certainty. If anyone had a reason to stay trapped in regret, it was him. Yet he did not build his identity around what he had done. He built it around what God was doing. He spoke of forgetting what lay behind and pressing toward what lay ahead. This was not denial. It was direction. He refused to let his past outrank his calling.

For many, the past feels louder than God’s voice. It interrupts every new beginning with an old warning. It says, “Remember what happened last time.” It says, “Do not trust again.” It says, “Do not hope too much.” It says, “Do not try that again.” It speaks with the authority of experience, but not with the authority of God. Experience teaches patterns. God creates futures. Experience explains what was. God declares what can be.

The problem with rereading old chapters is not just emotional. It is spiritual. It trains the heart to expect repetition instead of resurrection. It conditions the mind to assume continuity instead of creation. It subtly teaches the soul that God works within the limits of memory rather than beyond them. This is why Scripture repeatedly speaks of newness. New mercies. New hearts. New covenants. New creations. God is not recycling old stories. He is generating living ones.

Yet people hesitate. They hesitate because turning the page feels like betrayal of what they lost. They hesitate because letting go feels like saying it did not matter. They hesitate because moving forward feels like forgetting. But moving forward is not erasing. It is honoring without living there. It is remembering without remaining. It is learning without looping.

There is a difference between memory and dwelling. Memory can teach. Dwelling traps. Memory can inform. Dwelling imprisons. Memory can heal. Dwelling reopens. God does not ask people to forget what shaped them. He asks them not to let it shape what is next. He does not demand amnesia. He invites trust.

Many people are waiting for closure that will never come from the sources they expect. They wait for an apology from someone who has moved on. They wait for an explanation from a situation that ended without answers. They wait for circumstances to resolve in a way that rewrites history. But God does not heal by editing the past. He heals by creating the future. Closure is not something people receive. It is something they choose in obedience to God.

This is the quiet work of faith. It is not dramatic. It is not loud. It is not instant. It is the decision to stop rehearsing the old story every time something new begins. It is the decision to trust God’s character more than memory’s commentary. It is the choice to walk even when the road does not look familiar. It is the courage to let God define the next chapter instead of letting fear revise it.

Every life contains chapters that hurt to read. Pages of grief. Paragraphs of regret. Sentences of shame. These chapters are real. They matter. But they are not the end of the book. God is not a historian. He is an author. He does not simply record what has happened. He declares what will happen when a heart submits to His direction.

The refusal to turn the page is not usually rebellion. It is often grief. It is often fear. It is often exhaustion. People stay in old chapters because they do not know how to imagine a new one. They cannot picture themselves healed. They cannot envision trust again. They cannot see beyond what was. And so they reread what they know because imagining something new feels like stepping into fog.

But God has always worked in fog. Abraham walked without a map. Moses led people through a desert without knowing where water would come from. The disciples followed Jesus without knowing where He would take them. Faith has never been about certainty. It has always been about direction. And God’s direction is always forward.

The tragedy is not that people have painful chapters. The tragedy is when they mistake the chapter for the whole story. When they introduce themselves by what they lost instead of by what God is forming. When they measure their future by their failure instead of by God’s promise. When they define themselves by what hurt them instead of by who redeemed them.

God does not waste chapters. Even the painful ones shape the story. Even the broken ones contribute to the meaning. Even the dark ones prepare the reader for light. But they are not meant to be reread forever. They are meant to be integrated and then surpassed. They are meant to deepen faith, not replace it.

There is a moment in every life when God gently asks the same question in different words: “Will you trust Me with the next page?” Not with the whole book. Not with everything at once. Just with what comes next. Will you let Me write something new where pain once dominated? Will you believe that the story can change tone? Will you accept that this chapter is not the conclusion?

This is not optimism. It is theology. God is not a God of repetition. He is a God of redemption. Redemption does not simply remove sin. It transforms narrative. It takes what was broken and reassigns its meaning. It does not pretend the wound never existed. It makes the wound part of a larger story of healing.

Many people live as though God’s work ended with forgiveness. They believe the debt was canceled but the future remains limited. They accept pardon but not purpose. They accept mercy but not movement. But God does not stop at erasing guilt. He continues by restoring direction. He does not free people so they can stand still. He frees them so they can walk.

The soul that keeps rereading the last chapter begins to fear the pen. It distrusts new ink. It resists fresh sentences. It suspects every new paragraph of ending the same way. This is understandable. Pain teaches caution. But God teaches trust. The former protects. The latter transforms.

At some point, every person must decide whether memory or promise will be their guide. Memory says, “This is what happened.” Promise says, “This is what God is doing.” Memory says, “Be careful.” Promise says, “Be faithful.” Memory says, “Do not risk.” Promise says, “Follow Me.”

This decision is rarely made once. It is made daily. Every day brings the temptation to reread what has already been written. Every day brings the invitation to walk into what is still being written. The spiritual life is not about deleting chapters. It is about trusting the Author.

God is not finished with anyone who is still breathing. He is not done with anyone who still hears His voice. He is not limited by the worst page in the book. He is not discouraged by messy drafts. He is patient with slow readers. But He does not stop writing because someone refuses to turn the page.

The most dangerous sentence in a believer’s life is, “This is just how it is now.” That sentence pretends finality where God has not spoken it. It treats a season as destiny. It treats a wound as identity. It treats a chapter as the book. God never calls people to live in resignation. He calls them to live in obedience.

The next chapter does not have to be perfect. It does not have to be painless. It does not have to be impressive. It only has to be faithful. God does not promise that every new page will be easy. He promises that it will be written with purpose. And purpose is stronger than fear.

To turn the page is not to forget. It is to trust. It is to accept that God’s voice is more authoritative than memory’s echo. It is to believe that the future can carry a different tone than the past. It is to live as though grace actually changes things.

There are lives stalled not because God has stopped speaking, but because people keep rereading what He already redeemed. They remain in chapters God has already closed. They live in scenes God has already resolved. They argue with the Author about the direction of the plot.

But God is still writing.

And the story is not over.

Turning the page is rarely dramatic. It does not usually happen with fireworks or sudden certainty. Most of the time, it happens quietly, in the small private choices no one else sees. It happens when you decide not to replay the same memory again before falling asleep. It happens when you stop rehearsing the conversation you wish had gone differently. It happens when you resist the urge to introduce yourself by your pain. It happens when you choose to pray about tomorrow instead of analyzing yesterday. These moments do not look heroic, but they are holy.

People often imagine that moving forward means feeling ready. In reality, it means choosing obedience before readiness appears. Scripture never presents readiness as a requirement for calling. Moses did not feel ready. Jeremiah did not feel ready. Gideon did not feel ready. The disciples did not feel ready. God does not wait for people to feel prepared before He leads them forward. He teaches them as they walk. Readiness is not the door; obedience is.

This is where many believers misunderstand healing. They wait to feel whole before they move. God asks them to move so that wholeness can grow. They wait to feel brave before they act. God asks them to act so that courage can be formed. They wait for certainty before they trust. God asks them to trust so that clarity can emerge. The next chapter is not unlocked by confidence. It is unlocked by faith.

Faith is not the absence of memory. It is the refusal to let memory become the master. It does not pretend that loss never happened. It refuses to let loss dictate what happens next. It does not deny that betrayal existed. It denies betrayal the authority to decide the future. Faith does not argue with the past; it answers God.

There is a deep spiritual difference between acknowledging pain and worshiping it. Acknowledgment says, “This happened.” Worship says, “This defines me.” Many people do not realize when their pain has become the loudest voice in their lives. They quote it. They defend it. They protect it. They organize their decisions around it. They build boundaries based on it. They consult it before they consult God. In doing so, they give it a throne God never assigned.

God does not ask people to ignore their wounds. He asks them to let Him interpret them. In Scripture, wounds are never meaningless. They are never random. They are never wasted. Joseph’s betrayal led to preservation. Moses’ exile led to calling. David’s suffering led to psalms. Peter’s failure led to leadership. Paul’s persecution led to proclamation. These were not good things in themselves, but God wove them into something larger than the moment.

This does not mean pain was necessary in order for good to happen. It means God is not defeated by pain. He does not abandon the story when a chapter collapses. He does not throw the book away when a page is stained. He continues to write.

The refusal to turn the page often comes from the fear that the next chapter will hurt too. People think, “If I do not expect anything, I cannot be disappointed.” But this is not wisdom. It is retreat. God did not design the human heart to survive without hope. He designed it to be sustained by Him. Without hope, the soul does not become safer; it becomes smaller. It narrows its world to what it can manage instead of opening itself to what God can do.

This is why Scripture describes faith as walking. Walking implies movement. It implies risk. It implies leaving one place for another. It implies that staying still is not the goal. The Christian life is not a museum of past miracles. It is a journey shaped by present trust. God is not honored by people who only speak of what He once did. He is honored by those who believe He is still at work.

Many people live as though God’s activity belongs mostly to their memories. They can describe what He did years ago. They can tell stories about old seasons of closeness. They can recount times when prayer felt powerful. But they speak of the present as though God has grown silent. Often, God has not grown silent. They have grown cautious. They have begun listening more closely to experience than to promise.

Promise always requires imagination. It asks the heart to picture something that does not yet exist. It asks the mind to accept a future it cannot prove. It asks the soul to trust what it cannot yet touch. Memory, by contrast, requires nothing. It is already formed. It already happened. It already has detail. It already has explanation. It already feels solid. This is why people lean on it. It feels safer than trusting what has not yet appeared.

But Scripture consistently honors those who lived by promise rather than by memory. Abraham did not know where he was going. Moses did not know how the sea would part. The disciples did not know where Jesus would lead them. None of them had certainty. All of them had direction. Direction is not the same as explanation. God does not give full maps. He gives next steps.

Turning the page does not mean abandoning wisdom. It means refusing to let caution replace calling. It means refusing to let fear masquerade as discernment. Discernment listens to God. Fear listens to what went wrong last time. Discernment asks what God is saying now. Fear asks what happened then. Discernment opens doors God is opening. Fear keeps doors shut because one once closed painfully.

There is also a spiritual humility in moving forward. It admits that God knows more about the story than we do. It acknowledges that our interpretation of the past is not the final authority. It accepts that God can weave together things we cannot reconcile. It trusts that the Author understands the plot better than the characters.

One of the quiet lies people believe is that staying in old chapters honors what they lost. They think that letting go means diminishing the significance of the pain. But holding onto pain does not honor it. It enlarges it. It allows it to shape everything that comes after. Honor does not require imprisonment. It requires integration. It requires allowing the pain to become part of the story without becoming the story.

There are seasons in life that must be mourned. There are losses that must be grieved. God does not rush grief. Jesus Himself wept. He did not hurry sorrow. But grief is meant to move. It is meant to travel through the heart, not take permanent residence. When grief becomes identity, it stops being a process and becomes a prison.

God’s voice does not usually shout people out of old chapters. He whispers them forward. He nudges rather than pushes. He invites rather than forces. He opens doors and waits for trust to step through. This is why so many remain stuck. They expect dramatic commands. God offers daily choices.

The daily choice is to stop rereading what God has already redeemed. It is to resist narrating life through yesterday’s wounds. It is to speak about tomorrow with language shaped by God rather than by fear. It is to pray toward the future instead of arguing with the past. It is to allow Scripture to interpret experience instead of allowing experience to interpret Scripture.

Many believers know verses about newness but live as though nothing can change. They quote about new creation but introduce themselves as old failures. They speak of grace but think of themselves as exceptions. They read about renewal but assume it applies to others more than to them. This is not disbelief in God. It is disbelief in God’s work within them.

God does not write new chapters only for certain people. He writes them for all who will follow Him. The invitation is universal. The response is personal. The next chapter is not reserved for those who never failed. It is offered to those who will trust again.

There is a kind of courage in closing a chapter. It means admitting that something has ended. It means acknowledging that a season has passed. It means releasing what cannot be changed. It means allowing God to define what comes next. This is not easy. It requires surrender. It requires humility. It requires faith that the story is not worse without that chapter continuing.

Sometimes the chapter that must be closed is not an event but a mindset. A way of thinking that once protected but now restricts. A belief about oneself formed in pain rather than in truth. A narrative that says, “This is all I will ever be.” These chapters are the hardest to close because they feel like identity. But God does not create people to live inside their worst conclusions.

The next chapter does not mean a perfect life. It does not mean the absence of struggle. It does not mean that the past never echoes. It means that the echo no longer directs. It means that God’s voice grows louder than memory’s commentary. It means that the story is allowed to progress.

Every page God writes is shaped by relationship. He does not write stories about people without them. He writes stories with them. This is why obedience matters. It is participation. It is cooperation with the Author. It is agreeing to move where He is moving. It is trusting that He is not careless with the plot.

Some people worry that if they turn the page, they will forget what they learned. But lessons are not lost when chapters close. They are carried forward. Wisdom does not require stagnation. Growth does not require retreat. God is able to preserve what matters while transforming what must change.

There is also a deep mercy in God’s insistence on forward movement. If people were meant to live in the past, Scripture would be a book of nostalgia. Instead, it is a book of promise. It points forward again and again. It speaks of restoration, of renewal, of coming glory. Even its final words are not about what has been but about what will be.

This reveals something essential about God’s character. He is not a God of endless repetition. He is a God of unfolding purpose. He does not loop history aimlessly. He directs it. He does not trap people in what they were. He draws them toward what they can become.

The refusal to turn the page is often justified by fear of disappointment. People think, “If I hope again and it fails, it will hurt more.” But hope does not increase pain. It gives pain meaning. Without hope, suffering becomes pointless. With hope, suffering becomes transitional. It becomes something that is passing through rather than something that has settled in.

God does not promise that every next chapter will be easier. He promises that every next chapter can be purposeful. Purpose does not eliminate difficulty. It transforms it. It gives it direction. It places it within a larger narrative. It prevents it from being the final word.

There are moments when God calls people to leave not just situations but self-definitions. To stop seeing themselves as victims. To stop seeing themselves as broken beyond repair. To stop seeing themselves as limited by history. To stop seeing themselves as exceptions to grace. These are some of the most difficult chapters to close because they feel like safety. But they are often disguised cages.

The soul that keeps rereading the past becomes fluent in loss but illiterate in promise. It can describe what went wrong in great detail but cannot imagine what could go right. It becomes expert in caution but beginner in faith. It knows how to protect but not how to follow. God does not call people to be experts in survival. He calls them to be learners in trust.

At some point, every believer faces a simple but profound question: will the past or God be the louder narrator? Will yesterday or promise shape tomorrow? Will experience or obedience set the tone? This question is not answered with words. It is answered with steps.

God is patient with hesitation, but He does not reward paralysis. He waits for trust, but He does not build futures for those who refuse to walk. He continues to speak, but He does not override human will. He invites. He does not coerce. He leads. He does not drag.

The next chapter begins the moment a person decides to stop consulting the old one as their primary authority. It begins when they pray about the future instead of analyzing the past. It begins when they act on God’s word rather than on fear’s memory. It begins when they believe that grace actually changes the trajectory of life.

The story is not over because God is not done. The ink is not dry because the Author is still writing. The past is not erased, but it is no longer the headline. The next chapter may begin quietly, but it will grow.

God does not promise that the story will be simple. He promises that it will be meaningful. He does not promise that there will be no more tears. He promises that tears will not be the end. He does not promise that nothing will ever hurt again. He promises that hurt will not have the final word.

To turn the page is not to deny the last chapter. It is to trust the Author of the next one. It is to accept that God’s voice is more trustworthy than memory’s echo. It is to live as though redemption actually changes the story.

God is still writing.

And the next chapter is waiting.

Your friend, Douglas Vandergraph

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people wishing me happy monday at work: I want to shove a sock into your mouths.

carpe noctem for all the ones with insomnia right now

visionary: someone who decided to wait for long.

now seriously, since when soup is dinner?

if you treat me as sensitive, I take it as a compliment. I do not know why insensitivity would be something to pursuit. I will keep drawing smiles on the bathroom mirror. I will say good morning to the crow that sits next to me in the park. I will be watering the cactus. Fuck you.

The Perfect Neighbor, Geeta Gandbhir (2025) 

Nominated for Best Documentary Feature 

A visceral ride-along to its obvious and tragic end in the ongoing battle between a local Karen and the rest of her suburban Ocala, Florida neighbors. 

Gandbhir only uses police body- and interrogation-room cameras, court recordings, and 911 call audio to piece together the lead-up, chaos, and aftermath of the crime without reenactments, talking heads, or other documentary filmmaking methods. The result is like a ninety-minute Instagram Reel. 

Beneath the crime-blotter rubbernecking is a brutally honest depiction of contemporary American life with its toxic stew of racial animus, late-stage capitalist sprawl, shoot-first culture, and inept public safety infrastructure. 

Stream it.

#Film #Oscars2026 #ThePerfectNeighbor #GeetaGandbhir #Documentary #BestDocumentary #TrueCrime #Film #MovieReview #Larrys100 #100WordReview #100DaysToOffload

Officially Unofficial

#nsfw #CeCe

We sat there on the bed in our quiet dorm room, the distant sounds of the city filtering through the window like a muffled soundtrack—cars honking, a train rumbling somewhere in the night. CeCe had pulled the blanket over her lap, her baggy hoodie zipped up for once, covering those full breasts that she'd been so eager to bare just moments ago. Her caramel skin still flushed from her earlier wandering, but her eyes were soft, serious. I wiped my tears, sniffling.

My head was still resting on her lap. She rocked back and forth slowly, much like a mother and her newborn. I lay there taking in her lavender scent and her gentle touch. She ran her hands through my frizzy hair, taking care to avoid tangles, but touching parts of my scalp as her fingers slowly combed through my hair. That moment was a turning point for me emotionally. No one else has been able to comfort me like CeCe did at that moment. Once the room got quiet, she took a deep breath and started talking, her voice steady but vulnerable.

“At first, Tasha, I was scared, knowing what porn was doing to me,” CeCe confessed, her thick thighs shifting under the blanket. I felt her thighs under my cheeks. “When I realized I was getting addicted—watching more, touching myself constantly—it freaked me out. I thought something was wrong with me. But then I stumbled onto stuff online about 'gooning'—you know, that endless edging, losing yourself in porn for hours. There were whole social media pages, communities treating it like a lifestyle, not a problem. People sharing how it rewired them for the better, made them feel alive. It clicked for me. And with my autism... I knew a long time ago it'd put me in places most folks wouldn't understand. The hyperfocus, the sensory obsessions—I've been preparing for the consequences since I got diagnosed. Isolation, judgment, all that. But I'm grateful I'm high-functioning, not worse off. I fought hard to get here, masking in classes, pushing through social stuff. I don't want you to feel bad, Tasha. This isn't your fault. You showed me a door, but I chose to walk through it and embrace this life.”

She paused for a moment to pat my head. I didn't dare move from that position. This moment felt so perfect. She rested her hand on my head and continued.

“I chose not to tell you of my condition. College is about fresh starts and redefining yourself. I didn't want special treatment. I didn't want you to feel sorry for me. I couldn't just throw out the 'I'm autistic' card every time something got heavy. The real world never works like that. So don't you regret any of your actions. Don't you drown in guilt for the choices I made.”

As I sat there nestled in her lap, she reached for my hand, locking fingers with me, her touch warm and reassuring. “I know the ramifications—how it's changed all my reward centers, making everything else feel dull compared to the high of porn and exposure. It can be isolating as hell, pushing people away like it has with everyone else. But at least now I'm happy. Truly happy. Before you introduced me to this, I just... existed. Fearful of the world, hiding in my shell, scared of every interaction. Now? I feel free, confident in my body, in my desires.”

She began to sob. I sat up and leaned over to hug her. Tears welled up in her eyes then, spilling over as she accepted my embrace, her curvy frame pressing against mine through the fabric.

“I'm sorry, Tasha,” she whispered, her voice breaking into sobs. “I never wanted to hurt you. You've been my rock—the only one who stuck around. I feel so safe with you. You're... you're in between for me. More than a bestie, more than a sister, not quite a lover. It's this deep, complex feeling I can't even label, but it's real. I understand if you start something with a guy, or anyone—I'll give you space, wear clothes around them, back off completely. But everything I do now feels right. If you can accept me like this...”

She sobbed uncontrollably. My heart sunk for her. Tears welling up again in my eyes. This poor woman had lived a lifetime of mental struggles and she was barely 20 years old. I had my whole world turned upside down with this brilliant whirlwind of beauty, intelligence, and depravity. I was learning to live by watching her. She was learning to live by letting go to explore her deepest desires. She just needed someone in her corner that understood so she had some anchor to reality. I accepted this unspoken role completely.

We talked for hours that night, pouring out our hearts in the dim light of our room, the weight of it all lifting bit by bit. I understood her then—really understood. My heart swelled, full to bursting with love for this fearless, complicated soul. Even if CeCe never fully acknowledged what we were, I made a silent vow right there to be faithful to her, to stand by her side no matter what. I didn't fall in love with her. That was such a shallow definition of how I felt. I loved her in ways that defied words the moment we met.

Plywood in UAE: Types, Uses & Why Sanco Is the Preferred Choice

Plywood is one of the most widely used building and interior materials in the UAE, thanks to its strength, versatility, and cost efficiency. From residential villas and apartments to commercial spaces, offices, and retail fit-outs, plywood plays a crucial role in modern construction and interior design.

At Sanco, we supply premium-quality plywood designed to meet the performance and durability demands of the UAE market.

Why Plywood Is in High Demand in the UAE

The UAE’s construction and interior industry continues to grow rapidly, increasing the demand for reliable and long-lasting materials. Plywood remains a top choice because it offers:

Excellent strength-to-weight ratio

Resistance to cracking and warping

Smooth surface ideal for finishing

Cost-effective alternative to solid wood

With rising searches for “plywood for furniture in UAE” and “plywood for interior works”, it’s clear that professionals and homeowners alike rely on plywood for both functionality and aesthetics.

Most Popular Types of Plywood Used in the UAE

Understanding plywood types is one of the most searched topics in the UAE, especially among contractors and interior designers.

1. Commercial Plywood

Commercial plywood is widely used for indoor applications such as wardrobes, partitions, and furniture. It offers good strength and a smooth finish at an affordable price, making it ideal for residential interiors.

1. Marine Plywood

Marine plywood is highly searched in the UAE due to its moisture resistance. It is manufactured using waterproof adhesives, making it suitable for:

Kitchens

Bathrooms

Humid environments

1. Furniture Plywood

Furniture-grade plywood is preferred for cabinets, beds, shelves, and modular furniture. It provides durability, dimensional stability, and excellent finishing options.

1. Interior & Decorative Plywood

Used for wall paneling, false ceilings, and decorative elements, this plywood supports modern interior design trends popular across the UAE.

Common Uses of Plywood in UAE Projects

Plywood is valued for its adaptability across various sectors:

Residential interiors: wardrobes, beds, cabinets, shelves

Commercial spaces: offices, retail stores, restaurants

Construction: partitions, formwork, sub-structures

Hospitality projects: hotels, serviced apartments, resorts

Its ability to perform well in both functional and decorative applications makes plywood one of the most trusted materials in the region.

Advantages of Choosing Plywood from Sanco

At Sanco, we focus on delivering plywood that meets UAE quality expectations and industry standards.

✔ High Strength & Durability

Our plywood is engineered for long-term performance, ensuring structural stability even in demanding environments.

✔ Smooth Finish for Better Aesthetics

Sanco plywood provides a uniform surface, ideal for laminates, veneers, and paint finishes.

✔ Versatile Applications

Suitable for furniture, interiors, and commercial fit-outs, our plywood supports a wide range of design needs.

✔ Cost-Effective & Reliable

We balance quality and affordability, helping contractors and designers achieve excellent results within budget.

How to Choose the Right Plywood in the UAE

When selecting plywood for your project, consider:

Area of use (interior, furniture, moisture-prone areas)

Required thickness and strength

Finish and design requirements

Quality of bonding and core material

Choosing the right plywood ensures durability, safety, and long-term value.

Why Sanco Is a Trusted Plywood Supplier

With a commitment to quality and consistency, Sanco has become a trusted name for plywood solutions. Our products are designed to support modern construction, furniture manufacturing, and interior design needs across the UAE.

Whether you are a contractor, interior designer, or furniture manufacturer, Sanco plywood delivers the performance and reliability your projects demand.

Conclusion

Plywood remains an essential material for construction and interiors in the UAE due to its strength, versatility, and cost efficiency. By choosing Sanco plywood, you invest in quality materials that enhance durability, design, and long-term performance.

Melamine MDF: The Preferred Panel Board for Modern Interiors in the UAE

The UAE’s construction and interior design industry is evolving rapidly, with a strong demand for materials that combine durability, aesthetics, and cost-efficiency. Among the most searched and widely used engineered wood products today is melamine MDF. From residential villas to commercial fit-outs, melamine MDF has become a top choice for designers, contractors, and furniture manufacturers across the UAE.

At Sanco, we supply high-quality melamine MDF boards designed to meet the performance and design expectations of modern UAE projects.

What Is Melamine MDF?

Melamine MDF is medium-density fiberboard that is finished with a melamine resin-impregnated decorative surface. This surface gives the board a smooth, hard, and ready-to-use finish, eliminating the need for additional painting or laminating.

Because of its clean appearance and consistent quality, melamine MDF is one of the most preferred panel boards for interior applications in the UAE.

Why Melamine MDF Is in High Demand in the UAE

Melamine MDF ranks among the most searched wood panel materials in the UAE due to its suitability for local construction and interior needs.

1. Ideal for Modern UAE Interiors

UAE homes and commercial spaces favor sleek, contemporary designs. Melamine MDF offers a wide range of wood-grain, matte, glossy, and solid color finishes, making it ideal for modern interiors.

1. Cost-Effective Alternative to Solid Wood

Compared to solid wood, melamine MDF provides similar aesthetics at a more affordable price, making it popular for large-scale residential and commercial projects.

1. Consistent Quality for Large Projects

Unlike natural wood, melamine MDF has uniform density and thickness, ensuring consistent performance across large installations such as hotels, offices, and retail spaces.

1. Low Maintenance

The melamine surface resists stains, scratches, and daily wear, making it suitable for high-use environments common in UAE homes and businesses.

Most Popular Uses of Melamine MDF in the UAE

Based on market demand and search trends, these are the top applications of melamine MDF in the UAE:

Kitchen Cabinets & Cupboards

Melamine MDF is widely used for kitchen cabinets due to its smooth finish, easy cleaning, and resistance to daily wear.

Wardrobes & Bedroom Furniture

Built-in wardrobes and bedroom storage units in UAE apartments and villas often use melamine MDF for its clean appearance and durability.

Office & Commercial Fit-Outs

Corporate offices, coworking spaces, and retail outlets rely on melamine MDF for desks, shelving, partitions, and storage units.

Interior Wall Panels & Decorative Elements

Melamine MDF is commonly used for TV units, wall cladding, and decorative panels, adding elegance without heavy costs.

Melamine MDF vs Plywood: What UAE Buyers Prefer

One of the most searched comparisons in the UAE is melamine MDF vs plywood.

Melamine MDF: Best for interior furniture, cabinets, wardrobes, and decorative applications where appearance matters.

Plywood: Better suited for structural strength and moisture-prone areas.

For modern interior projects, many UAE designers prefer melamine MDF for visible surfaces and plywood for structural support.

Why Choose Sanco Melamine MDF?

At Sanco, our melamine MDF boards are manufactured to meet the expectations of UAE contractors, interior designers, and furniture manufacturers.

✔ High-quality MDF core with durable melamine surface ✔ Wide selection of colors, textures, and finishes ✔ Suitable for residential, commercial, and hospitality projects ✔ Reliable supply for small and large-scale requirements

Our melamine MDF solutions combine style, performance, and value, making them a trusted choice for interior projects across the UAE.

Conclusion

Melamine MDF has become one of the most in-demand panel boards in the UAE due to its versatility, modern appearance, and cost efficiency. Whether for kitchens, wardrobes, offices, or commercial interiors, it offers a perfect balance of functionality and design.

De journalist Philip Heymans bericht: Vanaf vandaag: gratis hulp van een advocaat voor slachtoffers van verkrachting of partnergeweld. Te mooi om waar te zijn denk je ? Wij namen onmiddellijk contact op met de Zorgcentra na Seksueel Geweld waar men het in Keulen hoort donderen ! En, voor de zekerheid staken we onze neus in de “Wet betreffende de Zorgcentra na Seksueel Geweld” …

even terug gaan in de tijd

In het regeerakkoord van 30 september 2020 stond dat de toegang tot justitie zou worden verbeterd:

De werking van justitie moet efficiënter, toegankelijker en begrijpelijker worden gemaakt.

De regering zal ook de mogelijkheden evalueren om de toegang en de kwaliteit van de juridische bijstand voor kwetsbare bevolkingsgroepen die met een veelheid aan juridische en sociale problemen worden geconfronteerd, te verbeteren. Hiervoor wordt gekeken naar een transversale en multidisciplinaire aanpak. Er zijn tevens pilootprojecten mogelijk.

Pas in de naweeën van de docu reeks Godvergeten werd een eerste pilootproject LVA – Lawyer Victim Assistance – opgestart op 13 november 2023. Het project liep eerst tot 13 mei 2024.

De brochure legt uit dat:

Een advocaat van dienst, speciaal opgeleid voor gevallen van intrafamiliaal en/of seksueel geweld, zal aan u worden toegewezen. Indien gewenst, zal hij binnen 48 uur contact met u opnemen om een afspraak in zijn kantoor te regelen.

Terzelfdertijd werd onderzoek gevoerd door Emma Bourcelet onder de bevoegdheid van het Instituut voor de gelijkheid van vrouwen en mannen.

Op 2 februari 2024 stuurt Staatssecretaris Marie-Colline Leroy een perscommuniqué de wereld in: “Lawyer Victim Assistance (LVA): project ter verbetering van de zorg voor slachtoffers van seksueel en intrafamiliaal geweld”.

Het rapport van de POC 2023 werd afgeleverd op 3 mei 2024, en zegt met betrekking tot juridische bijstand:

Juridisch advies van advocaat na tussenkomst politie.

Het “Lawyer Victim Assistance”-proefproject is een samenwerking in Brussel tussen politie, parket en advocaten van de Brusselse balie om slachtoffers beter te informeren over hun rechten. Verschillende advocaten van de Brusselse balie hebben zich geëngageerd om slachtoffers van seksueel en huiselijk geweld gratis bij te staan bij een eerste consult. Wanneer de politie met een slachtoffer van seksueel en/of huiselijk geweld in contact komt, dan wordt het slachtoffer een formulier overhandigd met de contactgegevens van een advocaat.

Die advocaat neemt vervolgens binnen de 48 uur contact op, waarna er een gratis gesprek wordt aangeboden op kantoor en het slachtoffer de nodige juridische bijstand kan vragen. Enkel het eerste gesprek is gratis.

Aanbeveling 93:

Na een positieve evaluatie van het “Lawyer Victim Assistance”-proefproject de mogelijkheid onderzoeken om het project breder uit te rollen in heel België zodat een slachtoffer van seksueel geweld binnen de 48 uur een gesprek met een advocaat heeft en indien nodig juridische bijstand kan vragen. De nodige middelen dienen hiervoor vrijgemaakt te worden. Er moet onderzocht worden of dat project kan worden doorgetrokken naar de mogelijke “permanentie” in de Zorgcentra na Seksueel Geweld (zie supra, luik 1, hoofdstuk 2, § 3).

Ook in mei 2024 wordt het LVA project een eerste keer verlengd tot 13 november 2024 zodat het onderzoek onder de bevoegdheid van het IGVM verder kan lopen.

In november 2024 kwam het LVA onderzoek eindrapport ter beschikking van de bevoegde doch in lopende zaken Staatssecretaris Leroy.

Een nieuwe regering komt aan zet. Het regeerakkoord van de regering De Wever die op 3 februari 2025 van start gaat zegt:

“We zorgen dat slachtoffers van ernstige geweldsdelicten en zedenfeiten beroep kunnen doen op algemene bijstand door een advocaat zowel voor als tijdens hun verhoor. Er wordt een systeem van permanentie georganiseerd binnen de advocatuur, zodat deze slachtoffers, 24/7 de nodige gespecialiseerde juridische ondersteuning kunnen krijgen.”

In april 2025, 6 maanden na het rapport van november 2024, heeft het Team Zorgcentra na Seksueel Geweld binnen het IGVM het raden naar wat het kabinet van de dan bevoegde minister Rob Beenders uiteindelijk van plan is.

In juni 2025 laat het kabinet Rob Beenders weten dat:

“Samen met de deelstaten zullen we verder analyseren hoe we kunnen evolueren naar een toegankelijke, duurzame en structureel verankerde procedure voor rechtsbijstand, afgestemd op de noden van slachtoffers van gendergerelateerd geweld.”

Ondertussen werd het LVA project verlengd, en verlengd, en blijft men lovend over de geneugten van het project … Zoals in november 2025 bijvoorbeeld word gerapporteerd dat er een verdubbeling van de hulp via het LVA project zou zijn geweest tussen 2024 en 2025.

de LVA vandaag

Dat het LVA wordt gecoördineerd door een in seksueel geweld op minderjarigen gespecialiseerde peperdure top advocaat die bij laatste controle in 2024 geen prodeo dossiers meer aannam heeft wellicht een voordeel.

Men mag echter niet vergeten wat de belangen van de Orde van Vlaamse Balies zijn. Financiële en machtsbelangen die niet onbesproken zijn wanneer het gaat om voor de minstbedeelden juridische bijstand te faciliteren … Ter herinnering torpedeert de OVB momenteel met twee SLAPP's een ander proefproject, Casa Legal, door bij het Grondwettelijk Hof te beweren dat de economische belangen van de Vlaamse advocaten niet beholpen worden … Rolnummer 8504 en 8574.

Het artikel en de attentie van vandaag bij de openbare omroep heeft meer weg van een misplaatste imago of marketing opsmuk stunt, want …

De ZGS zeggen ons vandaag

Wij namen contact op met de ZSG van Antwerpen, Gent, Leuven, en Roeselare. Zij hoorden het unisono in Keulen donderen.

Jawel, zij smeken dat er onmiddellijk gespecialiseerde juridische bijstand zou zijn nog voor enige politie of procureur eraan te pas zou komen. Jawel, zij weten dat er onderzoek werd gevoerd naar het LVA. Jawel, zij weten dat … Maar neen, een advocaat op vandaag komt er bij de ZSG niet aan te pas, zij moeten sinds 2024 bij wet slachtoffers doorverwijzen naar de algemene eerstelijnsbijstand.

Jullie lezen dat goed, naar de eerstelijnsbijstand. Niet naar de tweedelijnsbijstand, niet naar een lijst van advocaten die een speciale slachtoffer gerichte opleiding zouden hebben genoten, niet naar een advocaat die gespecialiseerd is in seksueel geweld op minderjarigen, enz. Zij moeten bij wet slachtoffers doorverwijzen naar de generieke eerstelijnsbijstand, want de “Wet betreffende de Zorgcentra na Seksueel Geweld” zegt in haar artikel 14 § 3 3°:

§ 1. Naast de gebruikelijke multidisciplinaire zorg, verleent het ziekenhuis op de ZSG-afdeling aan slachtoffers van acuut en post-acuut seksueel geweld minimaal de volgende diensten op ambulante wijze: […] 4° slachtofferbegeleiding zoals bepaald in artikel 2, 19° ; […] § 3. Ter uitvoering van de in § 1, 4°, bedoelde slachtofferbegeleiding contacteert de ZSG-verpleegkundige op regelmatige tijdstippen het slachtoffer van acuut seksueel geweld of post-acuut seksueel geweld of diens vertegenwoordiger, of mits de uitdrukkelijke en expliciete toestemming van het wilsbekwame slachtoffer, de steunfiguur van het slachtoffer, met onder meer de volgende doelstellingen: […] 3° de doorverwijzing naar de diensten voor juridische eerstelijnsbijstand.

Zoals eenieder kan vaststellen in justel is de wet op de ZSG tot op vandaag niet aangepast, en zijn er ook geen uitvoeringsbesluiten in de zin van wat in de pers wordt beweerd. Laat staan dat OCMW's of andere dienstverleners toegang zouden hebben tot een lijst van advocaten gespecialiseerd in juridische ondersteuning voor minderjarige slachtoffers van seksueel geweld en hun naasten.

Wij zouden ons alvast van zo'n lijst verheugen, onmiddellijk publiceren, en luidkeels kenbaar maken.

de LVA ervaring van slachtoffers

Zoals jullie weten voeren wij momenteel een onderzoek naar hoe jullie juridische bijstand bij seksueel geweld op minderjarigen (hebben) ervaren.

Zonder vooruit te lopen op de resultaten, weten wij dankzij de reeds ontvangen getuigenissen dat binnen het LVA ernstige tekortkomingen kunnen opduiken. Advocaten die niet samenzitten met slachtoffers om een vonnis of beslissing uit te leggen, advocaten die weigeren van de juridische tweedelijnsbijstand aan te vragen omdat er te veel werk is voor een prodeo tarief, enz.

Wij doen dan ook nogmaals een warme oproep om onze doelbewust laagdrempelig gehouden vragen zelfs anoniem te beantwoorden.

Mocht je via het LVA bijstand willen bekomen, bereik je hen als volgt:

• SMS of voicemail op het nummer 0478/115 488 (beste keus)
• de franstalige orde van advocaten Brussel via het email adres LVA@barreaudebruxelles.be
• de nederlandstalige orde van advocaten Brussel via het email adres LVA@baliebrussel.be

Je vind de hopeloos verouderde en al sinds 2023 niet geüpdate lijst van LVA advocaten hier.

Op deze lijst zal je merken dat er slechts 1 enkele Nederlandstalige advocaat prodeo optreedt optrad in strafdossiers, en er geen onderscheid wordt gemaakt voor de specifieke rechtsmaterie seksueel geweld op minderjarigen.

en nu?

Dat er nood is aan echt gespecialiseerde advocaten blijkt uit het feit dat vandaag een aangifte van seksueel geweld op minderjarigen nog steeds wordt aanzien als partnerwraak wanneer er vroeg of laat een echtscheiding van komt. In dergelijk geval gaat het openbaar ministerie, de procureur, er automatisch van uit dat het om een burgerrechtelijk probleem gaat dat via de familierechtbank maar moet worden beslecht in plaats van een strafrechtelijk probleem dat de procureur aanbelangt.

Justitie blijft fouten maken, en slachtoffers blijven in de kou. Immers, in de praktijk wordt een echtscheiding, wanneer er sprake is van seksueel geweld op minderjarigen, meestal ingezet omdat er een gebrek aan bescherming en ondersteuning van de slachtoffers is.

Waar is dan die gespecialiseerde juridische ondersteuning? Op vandaag? Nergens te bespeuren !! Godot, komt ie of komt ie niet?

Many people I know and respect still use X, and I can't figure out why.

In January of 2025, I walked away from X after Elon Musk's Nazi salutes.

I went to Bluesky, but after the initial migration of millions of people, the platform fell flat for me – and I've stopped using it for the most part.

Truth be told, I missed the old Twitter. So, I started to use it again around November 2025 to keep up to date with my interests. I intereacted with some folks but mostly just kept to myself, evaluating whether I'd stay.

I soon got my answer, as it wasn't long until I was reminded why I left in the first place.

I've shut it back down for good.

Friends Still Using It

I know for a fact that many of my friends are still using X daily simply for the engagement.

For those whom I know are Democrats or anti-Trump/Musk, this deeply confuses me. I don't understand why, or how, they can continue to use it. Sure, they've built a following (I also did after a decade of use), but are bot followers really worth showing support for a Nazi?

Because let's be clear: continuing to use X means that Musk's actions do not bother you, or at least not enough to walk away.

An Analogy

Let's say you like to go to your local farmer's market to buy fresh produce. As you walk through the market, there are several farmers selling fruits and vegetables. Out of habit, you always go to the tent of Farmer John.

Farmer John has good produce. Some of it is rotten, but not all the time. The helping hands at the tent are friendly, and you know each other on a first-name basis at this point. You enjoy supporting Farmer John because you like the experience of going to his tent, and you've known him for years.

Then one day, you hear that Farmer John was at a local farmer's gathering and gave not just one, but two Nazi salutes.

“It can't be,” you think to yourself. But you go online, and sure enough, you see him give a salute, turn around, wait a second, and give another salute to the people behind him.

You're not a neo-Nazi, and everything you know about them makes you sick. It's not who you are at your core.

The next week, you go to the farmer's market. You see Farmer John's tent, and right next to it, Farmer Bill's tent. His tent has fewer people, but more or less the same produce. As you walk closer, you have a decision to make. Do you shop at Farmer John's? Or do you get the same produce right next to his tent?

The Dilemma

Look, I also understand the dilemma this creates. For some, X is how they market their products and services (and it works). Leaving it means cutting off a portion of their income stream.

For others that are more politically involved, they feel it is important to stay on the platform to counter the far-right rhetoric.

You Have Other Options

I'll be honest: there is no X replacement, and that's the hard part. It's probably why many people stick around. Engagement across the topics is still very good (not just politics), and you can effectively create filters so that you don't see any political news.

As of today, the major options are:

• Bluesky – It's very active politically, but not the greatest for business or professional topics. The user experience is the closest to Twitter that I've come across. It's pretty good for sharing images, similar to Instagram. Check out the Flashes App. I don't use it much anymore because interaction on topics I care about is virtually zero.

• Mastodon – Very active in the political landscape, but also in things like open-source software, privacy, security, photography, and more. It's harder to find your niche, but the community is pretty cool. The problem is that the experience isn't as intuitive. I use the free Elk app on my web browser, and the Mona app on my phone to improve the UI. Interaction is pretty good as well, but it does feel a bit more impersonal at times.

• Threads – If you don't mind using another Zuckerberg product, then Threads might be a viable option. I've read mixed reviews. Some say it's toxic in ways similar to X, while others enjoy the experience. I've never used it, so I can't say first-hand. I'm staying away because I already use FB, IG, and WhatsApp and I can't stomach more Zuckerberg in my life.

• LinkedIn – I like it a lot for posts related to my professional areas of interest, like edtech and e-learning . I've been posting a a lot more on these topics, and I'm getting some solid engagement, having interesting conversations, and connecting with like-minded people. I think it has had a bit of a resurgance in the past couple of years given what has happened on X as I know some people, like me, who migrated to it.

Your Actions Speak Loudly

At the end of the day, if you're still using X, then please know that you're voting in favor of the platform and Musk with your time, the most precious resource that you have.

It may seem like quitting X is too hard. Maybe you'd lose money (temporarily). Or perhaps you are sticking around because of habit. Or, you see someone you respect, and they are still using it, so you figure it's not so bad that you're using it too.

I didn't want to leave X, but I felt like I had to. I promise, it's not as hard as you think on the other side.

#personal

Go Hoosiers!

The ladies are providing us a “Sunday Matinee.” This afternoon's women's college basketball game will feature the Northwestern Wildcats arriving at Bloomington's Assembly Hall to play our Indiana University Hoosiers. I will have my radio tuned into B97 – The Home for IU Women's Basketball early enough to catch the Pregame Show followed by the call of the game.

And the adventure continues.

Stay entertained thanks to our Weekly Tracker giving you next week's Anticipated Movies & Shows, Most Watched & Returning Favorites, and Shows Changes & Popular Trailers.

Anticipated Movies

• Nightmare City
• 100 Nights of Hero
• Solo Mio
• Whistle
• Riley
• ☆ The Strangers: Chapter 3
• Kraken

Anticipated and Returning Shows

No anticipated TV show or returning favorite this week. They’re probably hiding for next week 😏

Trending Shows Status Changes

• Steal — Returning Series → Ended
• Wonder Man — Returning Series → Ended
• Free Bert — Ended → Returning Series

Most Watched Movies this Week

• new Anaconda
• new Greenland 2: Migration
• -2 The Rip
• +1 Zootopia 2
• new The Wrecking Crew
• -4 Predator: Badlands
• = Sinners
• -5 Rental Family
• -5 One Battle After Another
• -2 Bugonia

Most Watched Shows this Week

• = Fallout
• new A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
• = The Pitt
• +1 The Rookie
• -1 High Potential
• new Hijack
• new The Night Manager
• new Wonder Man
• -2 Star Trek: Starfleet Academy
• -8 Landman

Popular Trailers

• Work Lite — Send Help
• In Cinemas February 11 — GOAT
• Stunning — Rental Family
• Season 2 Episode 5 Preview — The Pitt
• Video — One Battle After Another
• The Final Season: Official Trailer — Outlander
• “Did you hear about Wonder Man?” — Wonder Man
• Video — Shelter
• Fandom Wire Review — Primate
• Video — No Other Choice

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Hi, I'm Kevin 👋. I make apps and I love watching movies and TV shows. If you like what I'm doing, you can buy one of my apps, download and subscribe to Rippple for Trakt or just buy me a ko-fi ☕️.

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Within a day of receiving a most enviable introduction for THE SOLAR GRID, a potential agent—who's had the manuscript sitting on her desktop for several months now—finally wrote back to tell me she wasn't sure she could agent it because the book isn't mainstream enough. She is of course absolutely right, and I as a matter of fact take her assessment as a compliment. My “idols” have, after all, never been mainstream. Although many have managed to become largely mainstream despite their material being anything but. There's Crumb, Alan Moore, Philip K. Dick, Hunter S. Thompson, and Burroughs to name but a few. Even Vonnegut started out as a fringe writer.

This puts me in the less-than-ideal position of having to agent the work myself, as I'd like the book to exist out in the wild for readers to discover beyond my limited reach.

I was chatting with members of a grant-giving body a few days ago about another potential book project. One of them said, “So you're writing, drawing, and designing it?” To which I nodded. “Wow, one-man show,” she said.

Not gonna lie, I'm a little tired of this whole one-man show business. The thought of working on the material while other better-positioned folks take care of getting it out there strikes me as very appealing, but it does seem to be insistently elusive for one reason or another.

Today I order chicken and make some soup in an attempt to rid my body of whatever new plague has infected me.

Today's soundtrack is a combination of cafe chatter (played via my phone) and Persian jazz (played via my laptop).

#journal #work #tsg

By M's dad

Documenting institutional failure and abuse in parental alienation cases

---

Part 1: Why This Blog Exists

I am a father who lost his son.

Not to death. Not to distance. To a system that was supposed to protect us both.

For nearly a decade, I fought in South African family courts to maintain a relationship with my child, M. Over those years, five independent experts examined our situation. Clinical psychologists. Social workers. The Office of the Family Advocate. They all documented the same pattern: systematic parental alienation by M's mother.

The experts agreed. The evidence was clear. The diagnosis was established.

Then, in 2020, a single therapist was appointed to facilitate family reintegration. She was supposed to help us heal.

Instead of building on years of documented findings, she dismissed them entirely. Called parental alienation “not real.” Referred to the case history as “clutter” to be “locked away.” Created conditions that made reconnection impossible.

When I filed a 23-point complaint with the Health Professions Council of South Africa, backed by transcripts, emails, and corroborating expert letters, they dismissed it in two sentences.

I lost my son twice. Once to the alienating parent. Once to the professionals who enabled her.

---

What This Blog Documents

This is not a blog about my pain. Though there is plenty of that.

This is a case file. An evidence-based examination of how:

A professional dismissed established expert consensus without scientific basis. A regulatory body failed to hold her accountable despite documented misconduct. Systems designed to protect families instead perpetuated harm.

Every claim here is documented. I have transcripts. I have expert reports. I have the HPCSA's own correspondence. I quote directly and cite specifically.

---

Why Anonymity

I write as “M's dad” and refer to my son as “M” for several reasons.

To protect M. He may one day want to understand what happened. This record will exist for him.

To focus on the system, not personalities. This is bigger than my case.

To speak freely. Alienated parents are often silenced by fear of further retaliation.

The facts speak for themselves. My identity doesn't change them.

---

Who Should Read This

Parents navigating high-conflict custody, to recognize warning signs.

Legal professionals, to understand how therapeutic interventions can fail.

Policymakers, to see how regulatory bodies protect practitioners over patients.

Anyone who believes accountability matters.

---

What Comes Next

In the following parts, I document:

Part 2: How one therapist dismissed eight years of expert findings

Part 3: How the HPCSA dismissed a detailed complaint with documented evidence

Part 4: The therapeutic trap that made reconciliation impossible

This is the case file. Read it. Judge for yourself.

---

Part 2: The Experts Agreed. Then One Didn't.

Eight Years of Consensus

Between 2012 and 2021, five independent experts examined our family situation.

Ms. Lynn Foster, clinical psychologist, in 2012. Mr. Dennis Stigant, clinical psychologist, in 2013 and again in 2015. Ms. Jacqui Makowem, clinical psychologist, from 2019 to 2020. Ms. Madeleine van Vuuren, family counsellor, in 2020. Mr. Mark Eaton, clinical psychologist, in 2021.

Their conclusion was consistent: systematic parental alienation by M's mother was causing M to reject his father.

---

What They Found

Ms. Lynn Foster was the first to sound the alarm. In November 2012, she expressed “fear of parental alienation.” She documented an incident where M repeated an allegation “without any change in outward expression, showing no anxiety.” A child describing something he'd experienced would show emotion. M recited a script. He was barely 3 years old at the time.

Mr. Dennis Stigant saw the pattern developing. He warned that comments made by or near M's mother were forming a “negative impression” in M's mind. His exact words: “In this way a parent becomes alienated from their child.” By 2015, he found the emotional bond between father and son was “virtually non-existent” due to “residual effects from parent alienation.”

Ms. Jacqui Makowem found “clear indications” that M's mother's views were “impacting on and alienating M from his father.” She noted M's mother “did not support the development of a healthy relationship.” Most telling: M could not cite any alarming behavior by his father to justify his rejection. The rejection was induced. Not experiential.

The Office of the Family Advocate and Ms. Van Vuuren confirmed what everyone else had seen. M's mother harbored “entrenched negative views” significantly contributing to alienation. “Destructive information” was shared in M's presence. Their report explicitly stated: “Parental alienation was identified during previous assessments of the family.”

Mr. Mark Eaton, reviewing the full history, summarized the “composite of multiple professional evaluations” as showing “persistence of detrimental parental alienation by M's mom.”

Five experts. Eight years. One consistent finding.

---

Then Shannon Eckley Was Appointed

In 2020, Shannon Eckley was appointed to facilitate family reintegration. To help repair the relationship that alienation had damaged.

Instead, she dismantled the entire diagnostic framework.

---

What She Said

It was a Thursday afternoon. February 27th, 2021. A joint session. M's mother was present.

And then Eckley said it.

“Parental alienation isn't real.”

Those were her words. She continued: “Parental alienation is the concept outside. But it can never break a relationship if a relationship is strong.”

She called parental alienation “a label the lawyers had decided to use.”

When I asked her to define parental alienation, she couldn't. No academic definition. No clinical framework. She lacked expertise in the very condition she was appointed to treat.

---

The “Clutter” Doctrine

She dismissed eight years of documented expert findings with a single word.

Clutter.

In a diagram she presented, she referred to the case history as “Clutter” which should be ignored because it “no longer applies to the here-and-now.” Mr. Mark Eaton documented this in his letter to the therapists.

When I attempted to raise the context of the alienation, she shut me down.

“Your history is your history. We can't keep going back to the past.”

Eight years of professional findings. Five independent experts. Clutter.

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Refusal to Consult

She initially agreed, in writing, to consult with the previous therapist, Ms. Jacqui Makowem. To understand the background. To build on existing work.

She reneged. Decided such a meeting was “unhelpful or unnecessary.”

The Family Advocate had specifically recommended that the new therapeutic team familiarize themselves with the case history. Eckley ignored this. She would start fresh. With a clean slate. As if nothing had happened before.

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The Core Problem

A single therapist cannot override multi-expert consensus by assertion alone.

Professional standards require that when a practitioner enters an established case, they must review prior assessments. Engage with the documented history. Consult with previous professionals. Provide evidence-based justification for any deviation from established findings.

Shannon Eckley did none of these.

She simply declared the diagnosis “not real” and proceeded as if eight years of expert work didn't exist.

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Who Benefits?

M's mother walked out of that session validated. No intervention required. Emboldened by statements made in her presence. A therapist had just told her, in front of me, that parental alienation wasn't real.

In that same session, M's mother said she told M: “You cannot feel guilty if you have made your decision with a clear conscience.”

He was ten years old.

That's what she said. To a ten-year-old. About his “decision” never to see his father again.

She wasn't comforting a child through a difficult situation. She was sealing it. Removing the guilt that might one day lead him back. And Eckley sat there and let it happen.

M remained trapped. Left in psychological crisis with loyalty conflicts unaddressed. The diagnosis that explained his suffering was erased. No treatment could follow.

I sat there paying for a process that actively erased me. Funding my own disappearance from my son's life.

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Unequivocal Conclusion

Shannon Eckley's dismissal was professionally indefensible.

No scientific basis. She provided no peer-reviewed evidence. No alternative diagnosis that explains the documented pattern. Only assertion.

Violated standard of care. Refusing to consult prior professionals and dismissing established findings as “clutter” is not a difference of opinion. It's abandonment of professional responsibility.

Created harm, not healing. Her approach validated the alienator, pathologized the victim, and left the child in crisis.

One therapist's ideological rejection of a documented phenomenon does not erase reality.

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Part 3: 23 Allegations, Two Sentences

The Complaint

On 28 June 2021, I filed a formal complaint with the Health Professions Council of South Africa against Shannon Eckley.

23 specific points of misconduct. Four categories. Substantial documentation.

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Category 1: Professional Negligence

She dismissed Family Advocate reports and eight years of expert findings as “clutter.”

She called parental alienation “a label the lawyers decided to use.”

She could not define parental alienation when asked.

She reneged on her written undertaking to consult the previous therapist.

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Category 2: Ethical Breaches

The Broken Tablet

She recorded sessions on a Samsung tablet with verbal consent. When I requested copies, she claimed the tablet had “crashed beyond repair.”

Modern devices back up automatically to the cloud. The claim strains credibility. It suggests either deliberate evidence destruction or failure to comply with the Protection of Personal Information Act regarding data security.

Confidentiality Breaches

She admitted to discussing intimate details of private patients with her GP.

She disclosed another child's suicide to me during our sessions. A child named Tom. This was a clear violation of patient confidentiality.

Defamation

She stated that her colleague Wesley Kew, who had been helping me and M try bond, as using questionable techniques. “He had been reported to the HPCSA many times.”

Then she paused.

“I've said too much.”

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Category 3: Psychological Abuse

She falsely accused me in writing of breaking a court order regarding asking my son to play cricket at his school's nets to reconnect. She had previously agreed it was a “wonderful idea.” Cricket. In the school nets. Turned into something sinister. No such court order existed. A fabrication. Another victim blaming narrative.

She framed the Family Advocate's legal recommendation as a “threat” by me.

The recommendation was for M to attend Grey Junior Hostel, the school's boarding facility. It came from Family Advocate Marisa Du Toit and Family Counsellor Mrs. Van Vuuren. M's teachers endorsed it. Mr. Miles Maxwell, his Grade 4 teacher, said it would “enhance Michael's academics” and provide “consistency.” Mr. Karl van der Marwitz called M a “good candidate,” noting he had “isolated himself a little.”

The hostel was described as “known and neutral ground” that would “invoke less anxiety” than direct placement with his father.

Shannon Eckley crossed it out in red ink on a diagram.

She called it a “threat.”

She said enforcing it would “mark the end of any future relationship between father and son.”

A clinical recommendation became my weapon. In one stroke of red ink.

She also displayed gender bias. She claimed fathers cannot bond as strongly as mothers because mothers “carry them in their womb.” I needed to understand my place and position in life to have any chance of “future success”.

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Category 4: Evidence Submitted

I submitted substantial documentation.

A transcript of the 27 February 2021 session, from my own recording, where she explicitly stated “parental alienation isn't real.”

Emails proving she agreed then refused to consult the previous therapist.

Letters from Mark Eaton correcting her terminology errors and documenting her refusal to meet with him.

Family Advocate reports proving the alienation history she dismissed.

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The Response

The letter arrived in March 2022.

Nine months of waiting. Twenty-three allegations. Transcript evidence. Emails. Expert letters.

Two paragraphs.

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The Decision: Dismissed

The entire reasoning:

“The Psychology Committee of the Preliminary Inquiry resolved that the practitioner's explanation be noted and accepted.”

Two justifications.

First: “There was no evidence of unprofessional conduct and no evidence of bias from the communication that was shared with the client.”

The transcript where she said “parental alienation isn't real”? Not evidence.

Second: “There was no formal report that was written because the client prevented the practitioner from completing the assessment.”

Read that again.

I prevented her.

I stopped paying for sessions where I was being erased. And they used that against me.

They advised me that if I was aggrieved, my only recourse was a High Court judicial review under Section 20 of the Health Professions Act.

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Why This Is Indefensible

They Ignored the Transcript

I submitted a transcript. In it, Eckley explicitly states “Parental alienation isn't real.”

This isn't interpretation. It's a direct quote. A practitioner denying a documented condition she was appointed to treat.

How is this “no evidence of bias”?

They Used a Victim-Blaming Technicality

The “no formal report” excuse creates a perverse incentive.

Behave badly enough that clients withdraw. Then claim immunity because there's no final report.

I terminated the process because of her misconduct. I was paying for a service that was actively harming my case. The HPCSA used my reasonable response to her failures as a shield for those failures.

They Didn't Address Specific Allegations

The response ignored:

The “broken tablet” data destruction allegation.

The confidentiality breaches.

The defamation of a colleague.

The failure to consult the previous therapist despite written undertaking.

The inability to define parental alienation.

All ignored.

They Shifted the Burden to the Victim

A High Court judicial review requires legal representation. More fees. Months or years of additional litigation. Fighting institutions instead of seeing my son. Resources I no longer had after a decade of family court.

Meanwhile, the practitioner continues practicing. Free to harm other families.

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What Repercussions Should Exist

License suspension pending investigation. Evidence of substantive misconduct requires immediate action.

Formal disciplinary hearing. She must answer to specific allegations under oath.

Mandatory retraining. Demonstrated ignorance of parental alienation requires education.

Practice restrictions. Prohibition from high-conflict custody cases.

Civil liability. She was paid to facilitate reintegration. She dismissed the established diagnosis. Created conditions that made reintegration impossible. Contributed to the permanent destruction of a father-child relationship.

That's actionable negligence.

Criminal consideration. If the “broken tablet” was deliberate evidence destruction: obstruction of justice, POPI violations, potential fraud.

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On the HPCSA's Failure

The HPCSA exists to protect the public.

When they dismiss a 23-point complaint backed by transcripts, emails, and corroborating expert letters with a two-sentence technicality, they are not protecting the public.

They are protecting their members.

This isn't a regulatory body functioning as intended. This is professional self-protection masquerading as process.

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Part 4: The Paradox Trap

How Therapy Became a Weapon

Shannon Eckley was appointed to facilitate family reintegration. To help repair my relationship with M after years of documented alienation.

Instead, she created a therapeutic framework that made reconciliation structurally impossible.

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The Reframing

Having discarded the alienation diagnosis, Eckley needed an alternative explanation. Why did M reject his father despite no documented cause?

Her answer: trauma.

She diagnosed M with a generalized “freeze response.” A biological state of shutdown triggered by stress. She read to me from a generic trauma text.

“The stress response is a survival response. He's moved past fight or flight. He's moved into freeze.”

This reframing had a specific consequence.

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The Trap

If M's rejection is caused by “trauma” rather than alienation, then any action I take becomes pathological.

If I reach out to connect, I'm “pressuring” and causing more trauma. Alienation continues.

If I wait passively, I'm absent, the relationship atrophies. Alienation continues.

If I try to parent, I'm “retraumatizing” the child. Alienation continues.

If I do nothing, I'm fulfilling the alienator's narrative. Alienation continues.

There is no winning move.

Eckley advised me to have “no expectations.” Simply tell M “I miss you” without expecting a reply. Potentially for “20 weeks” or longer.

This isn't therapy.

This is institutionalized erasure dressed up as patience.

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The Paradox Explained

The trap works because it's unfalsifiable.

If M remains distant, it's because I'm still “causing trauma.”

If I back off, M's distance “proves” there's no relationship.

If I point out the paradox, I'm “not accepting my part in the trauma.”

If M's mother continues alienating behavior, it goes unaddressed because “we're focused on the here-and-now.”

The only person who cannot cause harm in this framework is the alienating parent. Her behavior, documented by five experts over eight years, is invisible. The history is “clutter.”

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Who Created This Paradox?

This trap didn't emerge from M's psychology. It was constructed by a therapist who:

Denied the established diagnosis. Alienation.

Substituted an unfalsifiable alternative. Trauma. Freeze.

Made all father-initiated contact pathological. Retraumatizing.

Made passivity equally destructive. Abandonment.

Removed the alienator from scrutiny. Focus on “here-and-now.”

The paradox is not an unfortunate side effect. It is the logical consequence of denying alienation while still needing to explain a child's rejection.

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The Financial Exhaustion Strategy

There's another dimension to this trap.

Every session costs money. Every report. Every expert consultation. After a decade of litigation, I was financially exhausted. M's mother knew this. Perhaps Eckley did too.

The “20 weeks of patience” strategy has a hidden function.

It runs out the clock.

While I waited with “no expectations,” paying for sessions that produced no progress, my resources depleted. My relationship with M remained frozen. The alienation deepened. M's mother's position strengthened.

By the time it became clear the therapy was failing, I had nothing left. I couldn't afford to start over with a new therapist. I couldn't afford a High Court challenge to the HPCSA dismissal. I couldn't afford to keep fighting.

I withdrew to protect my mental health and financial solvency.

The system didn't just fail to reunite me with my son. It consumed everything I had in the process.

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What Should Have Happened

Legitimate family reintegration therapy after documented alienation requires:

Acknowledgment of the diagnosis. You cannot treat what you deny.

Accountability for the alienating parent. The source of harm must be addressed.

Structured, assertive reunification. Passive waiting entrenches alienation.

Protection of the targeted parent. The victim should not fund their own erasure.

Continuity with prior professionals. Build on existing work. Don't discard it.

Eckley provided none of these. She inverted the framework. Denied the diagnosis. Ignored the alienator. Advised passivity. Depleted the victim. Dismissed the experts.

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The Result

In 2021, I ceased contact with M at his request. Age 11.

Not because I stopped loving him. Not because I gave up on him. But because I could not continue paying, financially, emotionally, psychologically, for a process designed to erase me.

The alienation was documented by five experts. The therapy that was supposed to address it instead completed it.

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To M, If You Ever Read This

You were caught in a system that failed us both.

I did not abandon you. I was pushed out by professionals who denied what was happening, by a regulatory body that refused to act, and by a process that took everything I had.

This record exists so that one day, if you want to understand, the evidence is here.

I love you. I always have. That never changed.

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Afterword: Why This Matters

This is one case. One father. One son. One therapist. One regulatory body.

But the patterns are not unique.

Parental alienation denial is common among certain practitioners.

Regulatory bodies frequently shield professionals from accountability.

Targeted parents are routinely exhausted by systems that should protect them.

Children remain trapped in loyalty conflicts while adults debate whether their suffering is “real.”

If this case file helps one family recognize the warning signs, one practitioner reconsider their biases, or one policymaker understand how the system fails, then documenting it was worth it.

The experts agreed. Then one didn't. And a regulatory body looked the other way.

This is what institutional failure looks like.

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M's dad

The Alienation Files