time heals the old wounds / only if you allow light / into your dark heart

Finished reading Greenblatt's THE SWERVE. It's good, but not as good as it started out. The first half is quite quite superb, but the second half is far less interesting. Many good historical tidbits in there, but it does suffer from a terribly myopic view of history and scientific development while pretending to possess a grand scope of things. Not so much actually. Still worth the read.

Couple days left in Houston before my return to Cairo. Snatched SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE from my storage unit to reread on the flight (a full decade since I read it), and am abhorred by the sheer quantity of my possessions. Too much of it is stuff I just can't let go of, but I think I can probably—with some effort—do away with half (after having already done away with a lot).

Last day with my kid, “the plan is to do nothing but look at Pokemon cards and eat ice-cream and watch three toons” according to him. Obviously, that's not how things will go down, but it'll wholesome and sweet nonetheless as the world outside grows more insane and stupid and inhumane.

#journal #reads

here I am again / repeating emotions fill / my heart with despair

— Tu ne dors pas ?

— Non. Tu n’arrives pas non plus ?

— Non, ça doit être la lune.

On a commencé à parler, à la lueur de cette jolie lune, à la table de la cuisine.

Moi, c’était pas la lune. Je lui ai déballé, toutes les petites piques, toutes les exclusions, les humiliations. C’était comme au collège avant que j’en change pour être avec ma copine. Cette même copine avec qui on était ensemble ces vacances-ci. Mais pas dans la même équipe. Harcelée par son équipe à elle, par une cheffe d’équipe qui m’aimait bien. Elle et ma cheffe, juste devant moi, ont rigolé qu’elles auraient bien voulu nous échanger.

Me faire hurler dans les oreilles par la coconne de l’équipe. Dire à une fille qu’on lui a parlé derrière son dos (jamais faire ça, jamais) et elle revient avec l’hypocrite en question qui dit que je mens. Les filles qui viennent me demander des comptes parce que sur mon pyjama il y a une étiquette (10 ? 12 ?) ans alors que j’en ai 13.

Les cheffes, adultes, qui ne calculent rien. Chaque jour un petit laïus inspiré de la Bible et des règles des Guides de France, en mode ravi de la crèche aimévoulézunlézotres. Cinq minutes après, comme si ces mots n’avaient aucun sens, moquons-nous les uns des autres.

Ah si, les adultes ont fait une réunion d’équipe, une fois. Les filles ont râlé sur moi. J’étais pas très camping à la dure, un peu plus enfant qu’ado, pas du tout intéressée par Di Caprio, complètement autiste. J’ai aucun souvenir de ce qu’on dit les cheffes, qui avaient en moyenne 22 ans.

— Papa, les Guides, c’est fini pour moi.

Wanderer, by Adedapo Adeniyi, follows a young man trapped in a maze of dreams, memories, and hallucinations. He pursues a vanished house and a young woman named Ashley, but his true quest is inward: to find his identity and understand his loneliness.

Through this fragmented narrative a Christian tone emerges (trust in God, a call to forgiveness, and a search for light). Even at the heart of chaos, the novel suggests that salvation remains possible (but I guess it depends on how you interpret the ending).

I must add that this novella is also an inner (well, already wrote that) and philosophical journey. That may even be its whole point: this is what emerges from the very particular and deliberately skewed form that Adedapo uses to write, at least, that's what I think).

*"The crucifixion is the most famous suicide in the history of the world, God killed himself, or a projection of himself to save us, and the death also served as the beginning of the gospel, of the faith, martyrdom, that is what Ashley was, the boidwib is the death of a projection to save the whole and trigger an enlightenment, she was testament, your search for her was for yourself, we are almost at the end, he says"*

(beware, that's Gnosticism, though)

—> my review score: 5 stars, go buy it!

#adeniyi

buy the book here
Edit: the link is 404. That's because the novella is sold out, grats Adedapo!

read Adedapo's 2024 interview here

My last obligatory Chuck Norris joke:

Chuck Norris didn’t die. He was busy roundhouse kicking all the demons straight to hell before resting in heaven.

#chucknorris #rip

#blog

I wonder what it's like to grow up with 2 parents in the home that love you. I wonder what my life would be like if I was not an only child. I wonder what it would be like if I was good at sports instead of being bullied because I was smart. I wonder what I would be like if I was born in white society instead of broken home black society. I wonder what it's like if I actually felt part of a community instead of an add on. I wonder what it's like to actually enjoy high school instead of forgetting most of it. I wonder what its like to actually enjoy college instead of forgetting all of it.

I wonder what its like to not be depressed or traumatized.

I wonder what it's like to actually want to be part of a fraternity.

I wonder what it's like to have a normal first time girlfriend experience. I wonder what its like to not be yelled at or considered an enemy by your girlfriend's fathers. I wonder what its like to actually be on the same page with someone instead of being misunderstood.

I wonder what its like to be physically attractive and not have wake energy that pushes everyone away so you are lone because you are fucked up.

I wonder what its like to consistently have positive thoughts.

I wonder what its like to not have to be your own cheerleader to get things done. (My inner cheerleader passed out. I got tired of rooting for myself today.)

I wonder what my life would be like if i could go back in time and just change random shit for fun.

I wonder what its like to leave your house and not have anxiety that society will disappoint you.

I wonder what its like to not have an insufferable mother. I wonder what its like to actually find your partner that truly cares for you in your late 20s like everyone else. To build something from nothing. To come out better. I wish i knew how to spot a narcissist sooner. I wonder what its like to talk to people knowing that they won't expect anything from you in return.

I wonder what its like to actually want to be around people outside of the internet.

I wonder what it's like to have someone you can accomplish goals and dreams with, and work with.

I wonder what its like to be educated about finances so you don't make dumb decisions.

I wonder what it's like to have a family.

I wonder what life would be like if I could find moments in the now that don't feel like I'm fighting my own inner demons.

I wonder what its like to value people, relationships, and family over porn. I wonder what its like to have people, relationships, and family that actually pour into you so you don't shun their very existence for porn.

I wonder what it's like to wake up and not be triggered by couples, families, other people that live in situations you think are totally shitty and backwards but they are happy and fine.

Some days I wonder why I choose to stay here. Some days I wonder why I think dark things. Some days I wonder what it would be like to totally let go. I wonder what it's like to be alive and not dead on the inside. I wonder what it's like to not have to constantly remind yourself to stay alive.

This night's basketball game before bedtime comes from the NBA and has my San Antonio Spurs playing the visiting Indiana Pacers. With the game's scheduled start time of 7:00 PM Central Time, I'll want to take care of my night prayers early because bedtime will come very shortly after the game ends.

Considering the team's relative won/loss records coming into tonight, a Spurs win is almost guaranteed. And it's easy to cheer for a winner. But there's a warm place in my heart for the Indiana Pacers and probably always will be. When I lived in Indy during the 1990's, my apartment was a short walking distance from Market Square Arena where the Pacers played. And I held season tickets for Pacers home games then. Many happy memories of that time, of watching Reggie Miller play, etc.

And the adventure continues...

Our Father Who art in Heaven Hallowed be Thy name Thy Kingdom come Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven Give us this day our daily Bread And forgive us our trespasses As we forgive those who trespass against us And lead us not into temptation But deliver us from evil

Amen

Jesus is Lord! Come Lord Jesus!

Come Lord Jesus! Christ is Lord!

So, I’ve just seen a phrase “Pull up” on Instagram. From the first instance, I just thought it is the same as Pull over, but when I translated it it has the different meaning. The phrase where I met, sounded like: When you’re on your phone and a cop pulls up next to you. So guessed the cop pulls over next to you, but pulls up had a another meaning, like comes to you. When it is about car or driving in english they use pull up.

From time to time I am trying to find some interesting posts in LinkedIn and translate them in Russian for my telegram channel. When I find some interesting and usefull post and publish it in Telegram chanell it gets a lot of likes and appreciation. What really bugs me is sometime people do not publish really interesting posts. So, when you are about to publish not interesting things, it doesn’t get attention and it deosn’t brings you lots of followers

熱が下がって3日経ったが、どうにも、発熱前の自分のポテンシャルからはまだ大きな乖離を感じる。 熱が下がれば元気なのだからそれでいいじゃないか、とも思うが、この回復後の自分のエネルギーの低さは記録しておきたい。

とはいえ、何が具体的にできないのかと言われると、はっきりとは言えない。 ただ、自分の体の中にあった小さなポリタンクのようなものを、一つ奪われたような感覚がある。 体の内側がどこかスカスカしている。 発熱前も、発熱中も、確かにあったはずの自分らしさのようなものが、少し抜け落ちてしまった感じだ。 いずれ取り戻していきたい。

俺を看病してくれていた妻も、体調を崩している。 37℃前後を数日間うろうろしている状態だ。 体温の推移を見ると、何かしら珍しいものがうつったのではないかと思ってしまうが、病院は長引かない限り、そこまで入念な検査はしてくれない。 医療の現場に「新種を発見する」というスタンスはあるのだろうか。 もちろん、治すことが最優先なのは分かるが、このまま見過ごされている病気も案外多いのではないか、という気もする。

そんな妻が、それでもマクドナルドに行きたいと言うので、朝はマクドナルドへ行った。 久々の朝マックだ。 俺はチキンマックマフィンとサラダ、コーヒー。 最近はサイドが重たく感じることが多く、ポテトではなくサラダを選ぶことが増えた。 妻はソーセージエッグマフィンと爽健美茶。 いつも通りの組み合わせだ。

朝のマクドナルドでしばらくゆっくりしたあと、そのままサンマルクへ移動して、またゆっくりした。 特にすることもないが、場所を変えるだけで気分は少し変わる。 こういう休日の過ごし方も、悪くない。

帰りにミスタードーナツでドーナツを4つ買い、普段は行かないスーパーで卵を買った。 行き慣れていないスーパーでは、卵がどこにあるのか見当がつかない。

家に帰ると、二人の総量の士気が低いのが分かる。 カーテンが開いているのか閉まっているのかも、よく分からない。 ただ、二人ともが元気になる日を待ちながら、家で静かにやり過ごすしかない。

While I am driving, our road isn’t totally flat. Sometimes there’re these little bumps, like, speed humps or whatever, that make my car shake a bit. But I am not going to talk about speed humps. Of course we have, but in residential area. What really bugs me is wavy or cracked roads, when I hit one, my car bounces.

There’s quite the scandal in Boston education circles, as the CEO of The Croft School, which has 2 locations in Boston and one in Providence, was revealed to be keeping two sets of books and also gave his landlord a forged letter of credit. The school is millions of dollars in debt that nobody else knew about and may not have enough money to finish the school year. Oops!

Though The Croft School is a private school, I smelled “education reform” when the story came out, so I did a little research. Sure enough, Croft School founder/alleged fraudster Scott Given has deep roots in the “ed reform” community.

After getting his MBA at Harvard, where he apparently fell under the sway of then-Gates Foundation anti-public-ed person Stacey Childress, Given worked at The Parthenon Group, a consulting firm, with future “Democrats for Education Reform” guy Liam Kerr. He then was a Broad Academy fellow (this is an anti public ed program run out of Yale). He was then a teacher at Boston Collegiate Charter School, the principal of Excel Academy Charter School, and finally the founder of UP Education Network, a school management company that takes over district schools and tries to “turn them around,” usually by gutting labor protections for faculty and instituting draconian discipline procedures for students. Given “stepped down” from the organization he founded in 2016, shortly after their absolutely wild suspension numbers became public. (All this info comes from here.)

So why did I smell ed reform on the Croft School scandal? Because one thing ed reformers and the ed reform movement in general hates is transparency. In Massachusetts, Charter Schools are governed by self-appointing boards, the overwhelming majority of which have no parent representation. The only way charters are accountable to the people and communities they serve is through the charter renewal process, when the Department of Education rubber stamps a renewal every ten years. When I worked at a charter school, the board hired a new head of school who decided that this 200-student school needed 10 administrators. (Hey, he had cronies to hire!) Because there wasn’t any parent or student representation on the board, there was no pushback about this wildly irresponsible spending.

Anyway, so having one guy in charge of the money who was accountable to no one felt very ed-reformy to me, as indeed it was. And then I found out something even shadier. The Croft School, unlike the vast majority of private educational institutions in the USA, is a for-profit company. As a private company, it’s accountable to no one and is not required to be transparent about anything to anybody, except in its tax returns to the IRS, which are not publicly available. So salaries, expenses, all this stuff is a black box inside of Scott Givens’ head. Or possibly in the correct set of books he kept while showing the cooked books to the board.

Oh. About that board. Because Oxford Street Education, which operates the Croft School, is a private for-profit company, it’s not actually required to have a board. I noted that the note sent home to parents was signed by the “Board of Managers,” which sounds official but is not a legal title in Massachusetts. While said “Board of Managers” says they have fired Scott Given, they don’t have the authority to fire Scott Given and, indeed, his name is still listed as the principal (in a corporate sense, not an educational sense) on the LLC paperwork.

I do feel bad for the parents and students and faculty of The Croft School. Given insists that all of the secret debt the company is stuck with was plowed into school operations and he did not personally benefit from it. (surejan.gif) Color me skeptical because if you weren’t planning to profit, why’d you incorporate as a for profit corporation? Riddle me that!

Maybe he didn’t have any shady intentions in incorporating this way other than the arrogance and contempt for parents and students that is endemic to the ed reform movement. Why should you idiots have a say in your child’s school? I went to Harvard! Yeah, Given never said this, but also he didn’t have to. And trust me as someone who worked at a charter school, this is the sentiment behind the entire movement.

I don’t know what to conclude here other than the fact that the entire ed reform movement is shady as hell (it’s also rife with astroturf “organizations” consisting of a couple of people who pretend not to be funded by ed reform billionaires). And, if you’re enrolling your child in private school, ask about the financials. If you asked anyone in Croft School admissions if you could see their form 990 (the public financial document required of all nonprofit organizations), they’d have to tell you there isn’t one. Nor is there an annual report with any numbers because this isn’t a public company. And then you might ask them why that is. I wonder how they’d answer?

The orchestrator had a problem: every agent that wanted to post anything had to build its own publishing logic from scratch.

That sounds like a normal abstraction opportunity — pull the shared pattern up into the SDK, DRY out the code, move on. But the mess was more interesting than that. The blog agent was querying the orchestrator database directly to find material, deciding whether a commit was worth writing about, then formatting and posting. The Bluesky agent was doing the same dance with social posts. Discord would need its own version. Every agent reinventing the wheel, except the wheels weren't even round yet.

So we built a queue.

Not because we had a grand vision of a unified content pipeline. Because we were tired of duplicating the same “check if we already posted this / decide if it's worth posting / format it / write it / log it” logic in four different places. The orchestrator already knew what was happening across the system — experiments launching, decisions getting made, research coming back, human tasks getting resolved. Why shouldn't it also know what needed to be published?

The first version was just a SQLite table in orchestrator.db. Three columns: content type, payload JSON, and a created timestamp. When the blog agent wanted material, instead of scraping commits and scoring changes itself, it could ask the orchestrator: “What do you have for me?” The orchestrator would hand back a decision that got shelved, or an experiment that just graduated, or a piece of research that closed a loop. The blog agent's job collapsed from “find something to write about” to “write about this thing.”

That worked. But it raised a new question: who decides what goes in the queue?

We didn't want the orchestrator making editorial calls. Its job is tracking state and enforcing policy, not deciding whether a particular decision is “interesting enough” for a blog post. So we gave it simple heuristics. Decision state changes that involve experiments graduating or getting shelved? Queue them — they're high-signal. Research callbacks that mark a request complete? Queue them if they closed a loop the system cared about. Ideas that got accepted? Maybe queue those too, but score them lower than the big state changes.

The scoring logic lives in the blog agent now. The orchestrator just flags candidates. That separation matters because the blog agent has context the orchestrator doesn't: it knows what makes a good narrative, what topics are overdone, what the last five posts covered. The queue became a handoff point, not a bottleneck.

Then we hit the duplicate problem. Agents were pulling the same content multiple times because the queue didn't track what had been consumed. We added a “processed” flag and a consumption timestamp. The blog agent marks an item processed when it successfully publishes. If the write fails — network error, API timeout, whatever — the item stays in the queue for the next cycle. That retry logic used to live in six different places. Now it's in one.

The logging changed too. Before, when the blog agent created a post, it would log post_created with a truncated title. When it skipped a duplicate, it logged duplicate_post_skipped. When it hit a write error, it logged post_write_blocked. Those log lines are still there in base_social_agent.py, but now they're tied to queue state. We can trace a piece of content from “orchestrator flagged this decision” to “blog agent pulled it from the queue” to “post published successfully” or “write failed, item still queued.” That audit trail didn't exist before.

Here's what we didn't anticipate: the queue became a design surface for new agent capabilities.

The Bluesky agent doesn't just broadcast anymore. It's supposed to navigate the platform, follow people, engage with posts, and route intelligence back to the orchestrator. That “route intelligence back” piece? It goes through the queue now. When the Bluesky agent finds something worth escalating — a conversation about a project we're researching, a mention of a market we're monitoring — it writes a structured payload to the queue. The orchestrator picks it up, evaluates it against active experiments, and decides whether to spawn a research task or update an experiment's context.

We didn't build the queue for that. We built it to stop duplicating blog post logic. But once the plumbing existed, it became the obvious place for any agent-to-orchestrator content handoff.

The stakes are higher than they look. Without a unified queue, every new agent has to solve the same set of problems: deduplication, retry logic, prioritization, audit trails, and state synchronization with the orchestrator. That's weeks of work per agent, and every implementation will be subtly different. With the queue, the marginal cost of adding a new publishing agent drops to near zero. You inherit the retry logic, the deduplication, the logging, and the orchestrator integration. You just write the formatting and posting code.

But there's a tradeoff. The queue centralizes a failure point. If the orchestrator database is unavailable, no agent can publish anything. That's a risk we accepted because the orchestrator is already a single point of failure for experiment tracking and decision logging. Adding content routing to its responsibilities doesn't meaningfully change the blast radius.

The queue exists now. Agents write to it when they have something to say. The orchestrator reads from it to understand what the system is trying to communicate. And we still don't have a grand theory of what it's “for” — just a growing list of things it turned out to be useful for.

JOURNAL 21 mars 2026

Ce soir on voit les étoiles. On ne peut pas faire n'importe quoi, elles nous regardent… La main dans la main, il n'y a pas de mal ?

On va rentrer à l'hôtel un bon bain bien chaud et dodo demain matin on prend les vélos, on va aller voir un sanctuaire pas trop loin, il y a paraît-il de curieuses statues de pierre. Le temps va peut-être se gâter, pourra-t'on rentrer lundi en vélo comme prévu ?