1. The Just City (Thessaly #1) by Jo Walton, 368p: This novel begins with an interesting premise: Apollo, trying to understand consent after Daphne escapes him by turning into a tree, joins Athena’s experiment to build Plato’s Just City and chooses to live there as a powerless human child. The philosophical discussions about agency, sentience, and whether robots are slaves are thought-provoking, and Socrates questioning the status of the workers was the highlight for me. In the end, I didn’t really love it. The ideas are interesting, but the whole thing just left me feeling uncomfortable. The sexual assault parts weren’t handled in a way that felt properly addressed, which is especially weird in a story that’s supposed to be about justice and consent. The society often seemed oddly unquestioning and cult-like, I couldn't connect with any of the characters. Overall, it felt more depressing than thought-provoking, and it just didn’t click for me.

2. Persepolis Rising (The Expanse #7) by James S.A. Corey, 622p: It opens with a time jump, where the Rocinante’s crew are older and even beginning to think about retirement. The pacing was excellent, and it kicks off a new arc in the story, introducing a new military force determined to dominate everyone else, as they tend to do. This book has some great action scenes and great character development. The military occupation is somewhat quiet and brutal, very passive-aggressive style, which makes it even more violent. It employs all the fascist propaganda methods of oppression, which makes it unsettling and real. I definitely want to know what happens next.

3. Dreamweaver's Dilemma (Vorkosigan Saga (Publication Order) #9.1) by Lois McMaster Bujold, 26p: This was an interesting short story in the Vorkosigan universe. As per the author's note, it is her first draft of what has become the “Vorkosiverse” or the “Vorkosigan Saga”. It takes place around 600 years before the first in the series Cordelia's Honor. It's about a “feelie-dream” composer who is asked to compose a particularly bizarre dream from a mysterious and eccentric client, who is offering a big sum of money for it. The “feelie-dream” is a kind of 3D-sensory-virtual reality experience that people plug-in to experience, kinda like a very immersive Virtual Reality experience. The story is mysterious and exciting, with noir-like tension in the way the composer tries to understand who this man really is and why he wants this particular dream created.

4. Falling Free (Vorkosigan Saga (Publication Order) #4) by Lois McMaster Bujold, 237p: I loved that this book if full of engineers problem-solving with whatever resources and tools they have available. There are fun references to typical engineer quirks. But on top of that, it deals with genetically altered humans subjected to a big corporation's greed. It takes place 200 years before Miles Vorkosigan was born. The “Quaddies” are genetically modified people who have four arms: instead of legs, they have a second pair of hands, which makes them very efficient in zero gravity. However, the Quaddies are legally considered corporate assets, used as space labor, and we see their struggles for autonomy and recognition. I read this after finishing the Brothers in Arms / Mirror Dance / Memory / A Civil Campaign sequence. It's a nice addition to the Vorkosigan Saga world-building, especially since the Quaddies are referenced again in the next book in the series, Diplomatic Immunity.

5. Do You Want to Start a Scandal (Castles Ever After #4) by Tessa Dare, 384p: This one was a funny and light read. The mother's sex education dialogue was hilarious, I'll remember it every time I see aubergines and peaches from now on. I liked that there was a bit of a mystery to the story and Charlotte was playing amateur detective with Piers. The mystery resolution was nothing extraordinary, and I missed some more spy action from Piers.

—

#readinglist #books #reading

I remember wanting to have friends. Wanting connection.

But unfortunately, that has changed. And here’s the thing: we aren’t meant to do life alone. I have a spouse I can confide in and talk to about anything, regardless of their reaction. I trust that for just a nano second, I can be completely vulnerable.

I’ve mentioned that this program has indoctrinated my neighbors/former neighbors and this is absolutely true. Let me explain:

In 2024, that’s when all of our “friends” started to fall off the map. Dropping us like a bad habit, without explanation. Setting the tone for what was to come. We had a specific set of “best friends”, a married couple. They seemed to be down to earth & very understanding.

Well, the last time we spoke to them was May 2024, and quite literally after we’d hung out that night, we never heard from them again. Quite literally. And I’ll be completely honest: I am glad they exited the way they did. Other people (which I’ll get into here shortly) exited loudly, causing harm.

I firmly believe that these former acquaintances were paid to exit our lives. Why else would everyone ditch us like that? You know what I mean? Many people said things such as, “I just don’t agree with the meds you’re taking” etc. but really? They were compensated for their time to watch, learn and essentially sell us out to whomever is in charge of our gangstalking.

It’s very heartbreaking. The pain of grieving people who are still alive. But, God has swept in and carried me through. It’s a miracle honestly. Now, remember I mentioned that others exited loudly? In 2024 we befriended our neighbors. It was what I called a pathological alliance (“best friends” extremely fast). It mainly started due to my spouse wanting to befriend them due to our lifestyle, as they’re both in that community. Prior to us opening up about ourselves and being vulnerable with these two individuals, I could sense something off with one of them. I could sense mean energy, envy, and false pretenses. But we proceeded to befriend them.

Side note: I understand I was hurt because I trusted these people, including my own blood. It’s the continued abuse that I cannot accept.

Now, we became completely enthralled with each other, my spouse and I even started our own dog training business that year & they participated, willingly, in volunteering and eventually becoming paid employees. Well, from mid 2024 to early 2025 we made a killing. But little to our knowledge, these two neighbors had joined forces with my spouse’s ex. Remember that I mentioned they might be my handler? They reside in a different state btw, and they’re pulling strings to isolate us.

Well it worked! Once we had our bank fraud issue in Feb of 2025, these two neighbors not only started to stalk us (compensated for their time), but they publicly humiliated us as well. Yup. A giant smear campaign. One that we’re still recovering from today. I’m not sure about any other TIs state laws, but where we reside it’s illegal to use photos/videos of another individual with malicious intent. And that’s exactly what these two did, along with our neighborhood.

They didn’t stop there: on multiple occasions these individuals called our local agency to our property to try and get me on animal abuse, welfare checks, etc. Our local agency was called about 40x to our property. (lol) I cannot make this up.

I learned a term recently called, “Swatting”, which means the action or practice of making a prank call to emergency services in an attempt to bring about the dispatch of a large number of armed police officers to a particular address. Essentially, it’s false reporting. Well, I got a copy of the call log to our property address & saw the names of individuals that were actively swatting us.

One of my parents KNEW about all of this. And continued to maintain a relationship with our former neighbors, acquaintances. My own blood willingly decided to continue being in contact with people who were actively hurting us/had hurt us. To this day, they maintain said relationships.

I have a particular parent that enjoys watching me suffer. They actively protect a family member that sexually abused me as a child. They support people who smeared my name, they speak positively about the wrongdoings of others to me, as if it’s something to boast about. Now, those former neighbors of ours have been secretly envious of us, me, my spouse. They convinced our clientele we had that we were “abusive” people, and every client that had ever made a payment to our company, reversed all of their payments. At this time our bank fraud had happened, we lost about $12k in that, and on the reversals another $9k to $10k. Mind you, I reported the bank fraud to our local agency and that’s when my gangstalkers made it obvious that I was being surveilled, stalked, and harassed.

No big deal. More evidence of this horrendous program for me.

So essentially, all these people were able to steal from me & my spouse to make themselves be comfortable and harm me. My sibling actually works for the government, & I believe they accessed all of my accounts because that’s what they do.

Our former neighbors shared private photos with my spouse’s ex & one of my parents. My parent proceeded to say that my spouse was a derogatory term….no joke. See here’s the thing: all of these people have dirty laundry I could air out, and I have done some of that on my platform. But the REAL dirt? I won’t share. An eye for an eye doesn’t work that way. It comes back around. Always does and God has promised to vindicate me and mine. I pray He has mercy on them.

I’ve come to the conclusion that regardless of what I say, where I say it, they will show up. So I’m just going to speak my truth and pray it helps the next TI.

I had one of the perps at the rehab I was at last year say this to me, & it has stuck with me ever since then: “Don’t let them take your freedom.”

Man. That’s exactly what I’m going to do. Is fight for my right as an American & a person who wants to make a difference. The more we stick together, the more we shed light on this f*cked program.

Jaide owwt*

Today brings two Road Races to fans of the sport. First up from the INDYCAR Racing Series will be the Firestone Grand Prix of St. Petersburg. And later this afternoon we'll have from the NASCAR Cup Series, the DuraMAX Texas Grand Prix.

I'll be bringing both races in from a local TV station OTA, via my old rabbit-ears antennae, rather than streaming via the Internet, thereby avoiding that annoying “buffering” that comes with extended Internet streaming.

And the adventure continues.

Cory Doctorow once again helps me make sense of the world

Fascinating read from Ars Technica about Wikipedia having to blacklist an archiving site via waxy

Perhaps you heard about an AI agent publishing a hit piece on an open source maintainer. I can't even put into words the implications of something like this. Our tech overlords are ruining the world. also via waxy

Wandering Arrow's latest Lobster Liberation Report.

An aside about how the truth matters and facts matter. I appreciate the Clintons right now. This isn't a commentary on if their politics are good or bad. It's a commentary about something a lot of people don't seem to care about or appreciate. The gist is they were like: Oh, you have questions? Swear me in so I can talk about it under oath. Well, I appreciate it.

På en ellers ret kedelig og almindelig tirsdag før juleferien var jeg til et møde på mit arbejde. Indkaldelse i Outlook og en Powerpoint-præsentation i det store mødelokale. Men hvad jeg ellers troede ville være en ret kedelig begivenhed fik mig mere og mere op at køre. Det var et møde om hvordan vi i fremtiden skal bruge AI-chatbots på arbejdspladsen, og bag efter havde jeg en følelse som jeg stadig har svært ved at bestemme, men frem for alt forstår jeg nu at jeg var sur. 

Tilfældet vil have det at jeg arbejder i den del af det offentlige hvor man årligt i løbet af efteråret holder forhandlinger om løn og bonusser, og jeg havde derfor i perioden op til tænkt meget over hvad jeg kan gøre de næste par år for at ligge godt til her, og de overvejelser lå derfor ikke lang væk i min bevidsthed. Jeg kunne som mødet skred frem konstatere at stort set alle de punkter som jeg havde udset mig som mine fremtidige kompetencer, var noget som denne chatbot i stedet skal kunne i fremtiden. Det blev præsenteret som en glædelig nyhed, men jeg kunne ikke tolke det som andet end et konflikt der startede her, og det gjorde mig sur. Det var en udfordring af mine muligheder for at gøre karriere og sikre mig en god position at forhandle løn ud fra. For at gøre ond værre var der samtidig blevet varslet fyringer af mere end 600 medarbejdere i staten, noget som mit kontor dog var gået fri fra, og her var det flere stedet blevet sagt at det ikke var så stort et problem for Statens serviceniveau fordi produktiviteten kommer til at stige med AI. Mit humør blev for alvor punkteret da vi fik at vide at det takket være chatbotten i fremtiden ikke kommer til at betyde så meget hvis en medarbejder forlader arbejdspladsen. Igen præsenteret som en glædelig nyhed – som om det bare ville være super fedt. Men det er jo en katastrofe, tænkte jeg, for hvis jeg har én interesse som lønmodtager, så er det at det betyder noget hvis jeg siger op.

1.

Jeg er måske lidt mere kritisk overfor det her end gennemsnittet, det indrømmer jeg. På sin vis har jeg måske også søgt konfrontationen, ventet på at den opstod. Det skyldes at jeg i længere tid har fulgt de lidt mere kritiske technyheder i det hele taget, men særligt er blevet fascineret af den uafhængige journalist Ed Zitron der med base i USA dækker AI-industrien i et nyhedsbrev og en podcast. Zitron bruger et interessant greb som ofte slår fejl, men som han mestrer ret fint: den sure indignation. Det er tydeligt at læse – og særligt høre – i hans podcast at han er skide sur, men han er det på en måde så det ikke kompromitterer ham, og i stedet blot gør ham mere troværdig. Nok fordi det er autentisk, men også fordi han i øvrigt kan finde ud af at forklare hvorfor han er sur, vreden forhindrer ham ikke i at formulere sammenhængende analyser og argumenter. Det har for mig været befriende fordi det ofte kan være forløsende at se andre være sure på en autentisk måde. Forløsende at høre at det er okay at være sur over nogle ting som man vitterligt synes er langt ude.

Zitron påstår at store dele af den amerikanske AI-branche lyver, og at det går ud over deres kunder. Både overfor de helt umiddelbare kunder til firmaerne som køber en chatbot hos OpenAI eller Microsoft, grafikkort hos Nvidia og så videre, men også de mange almindelige mennesker der har deres investeringer bundet op i det amerikanske aktiemarked – eksempelvis via aktiefonde – der er kommet i en bobbel på grund af AI-firmaernes overvurderede aktiepriser. Zitron har også en teori – hvis man kan kalde det det – for hvorfor de lyver, og som går ud på at de tjener penge på det. Ingen af de store AI-firmaer tjener på nuværende tidspunkt penge på deres kunder, da det koster flere penge at lave alle lave alle de chatbeskeder som brugerne gerne vil have fra deres chatbots end firmaerne kan få ind via et almindeligt månedligt abonnement. Det kan i nogle tilfælde være okay for en virksomhed at miste penge på sine kunder, særligt fordi det her stadig er relativt unge firmaer i vækst, og derfor kan det give mening i en periode bruger flere penge end man tjener for at etablere sig på markedet, og så siden begynde at tjene penge, når ført man har skabt sig et godt kundegrundlag. Problemet er imidlertid at de ikke har nogen strategi for at vende det her: der er ikke rigtig nogen udsigt til at de kan vende rundt og begynde at tjene penge. Det er et problem som de ligesom skubber foran sig og som de ikke ser ud til at kunne løse. Det betyder at de store AI-firmaers primære indtægt er investeringer i firmaet, og det betyder at de bliver nød til at hele tiden at opretholde en fortælling om at det helt store gennembrud er lige rundt om hjørnet. Eksempelvis talte de allesammen om „General Artifical Intelligence“ i lang tid, og aktier i OpenAI blev solgt på løftet om at de ville være det første firma til at opnå dette obskure fænomen som gik ud på at chatbots gik fra bare at være en chatbot til på en eller anden måde at være „mere“ intelligent, og kunne andet en bare at være en chatbot. Noget der er ret meningsløst, men ikke desto mindre noget som folk har investeret milliarder i, og som flere CEO’s talte alvorligt om. Men i dag har alle droppet ideen.

Det her er kan i høj grad få lov til at ske fordi medierne ikke kan finde ud af at stille kritiske spørgsmål fordi de ikke forstår den her dynamik. Et eksempel på det er min egen far. Han er journalist, og for et stykke tid siden var han sammen med nogle andre journalister på et besøg i Silicon Valley. Han kom tilbage og erklærede at det her AI „kommer til at ændre alting“. Jeg var ikke så overbevist, og jeg synes mere at han lød som en der var blevet frelst. Han fortalte at de havde mødt „ham der har lavet Second Life“. Philip Rosedale, som han hedder, fik et hit med computerprogrammet Second Life tilbage i 00’erne, hvor man kunne „leve“ i en virtuel anden verden – praktisk talt vil et slags computerspil. Second Life er karakteristisk for den slags produkter som den her branche lever af fordi det er relativt ligegyldigt i dag. Det var på sit højeste i løbet af 00’erne, og selv om det faktisk overraskede mig at finde ud af at serverne stadig er oppe at køre den dag i dag, så kunne jeg på en hverdagsaften kun finde 10 online, så vidt jeg kunne forstå interfacet. Ham der fyret der har skabt Second Life har altså ikke skabt et firma med en vedvarende salgsucces. På trods af at jeg er rimelig antikapitalistisk indstillet, så har jeg en vis respekt for virksomheder der skaber gode arbejdspladser, ordentlige produktet og som over en årrække har glade kunder og medarbejdere – men det er ikke tilfældet her. I stedet har han skabt et spil der blev hypet i ret kort periode, og så tjent sine penge på den hype. Det skyldes at i Second Life kunne man købe ting man ejede fra udvikleren af spillet som man så kunne sælge videre i en semi-åben økonomi inde i selve spillet. På en måde var han forud for sin tid, for kosmetiske ting i computerspil er nu en enorm forretning. Mange spillere troede derfor at de købte et investeringsobjekt fordi det troede at Second Life ville blive den næste store ting. Det er ret tydeligt i dag at det ikke blev den næste store ting, men nok mennesker troede på det i tilstrækkelig lang tid til at de brugte en masse penge i deres online-shop. Læser man i dag på Philip Rosedales hjemmeside – altså ham fyren bag, hvis du havde glemt det –, så kan man se at han har prøvet at gøre sig selv kunsten efter og ramme den næste store ting, men det lykkedes ikke, og han har lavet både et nu lukket VR start-up og et ditto AI. 

Sat lidt på spidsen så tænker alle lidt som ham i dag. Alle er blevet kasino-hjernevasket, og det skyldes at de rigtig store penge de sidste mange år er tjent gennem aktiemarkedet. Den store drøm er ikke at sidde på en kontorgang med mørkebrune mahogni-paneler eller gå at hilse høfligt på sine ansatte og kunderne som Mads Skjern i Matador eller Waage Sandøs patriark Kaj Holger i Krøniken. Altså den gamle, konservative fortælling om det samfundsundstøttende forretningsliv. Nej, drømmen for moderne forretningsmænd er at sælge sine andele af et eller andet start-up på det rigtige tidspunkt, og så være ligeglad med hvordan det ellers går. Elon Musk er godt nok blevet velhavende på at sælge biler, men han er blevet verdens rigeste mand på sine aktier.

Det betyder for det første at det bliver en vinderstrategi at lyve. Du er alligevel ikke afhængig af relationer på lang sigt – for der er slet ikke noget langt sigte –, og derfor kan du lige så godt lyve. Fortælle noget bullshit om dine produkter som at din bil kan køre fuldautomatisk, at din chatbot bliver selvbevidst, at chatbotten kan fikse cancer eller hvad ved jeg. Markederne reagerer positivt på den slag, i hvert fald ind til den dag hvor de ikke gør det længere – hvor boblen springer. Men hvis man bare sælger sine aktier før det, så kan man jo være ligeglad.

2.

Hvad har det med mig at gøre? På sin vis ikke noget. Det er ikke et stort amerikansk firma som leverer den chatbot jeg skal bruge på mit arbejde fordi Trump – heldigvis for vores offentlige IT – har været en idiot, og nu tør man ikke bruge amerikanske chatbots i de dele af Staten der behandler fortrolige oplysninger. Det er dog ikke kun godt, for reelt set har man i min styrelse valgt en dobbelt-op model hvor man både betaler for Chat-GPT-abonnementer til alle og vil betale for mindre løsninger til specielle opgaver. Men samtidig har det alt med mig at gøre, for den tankegang som det er lykkedes de store amerikanske firmaer at fremavle findes også i Danmark.

Som et led i deres strategi for at skabe flere investeringer i sig selv, så har de amerikanske AI-firmaer opbygget en slags FOMO. Selv min far har slugt fortællingen om at AI kommer til at ændre det hele, og at verden står foran en kæmpe omvæltning. Den historie kommer både i en dystopisk og en utopisk version: AI kommer til at redde verden og vi kommer til at leve super luksus eller et form for Termianator-scenarie hvor AI dræber os alle sammmen. Begge dele er lige idiotiske, men fælles for dem er at de bliver næret – i hvert fald offentligt – af stort set alle de store spillere i AI-branchen. Det er en effektive reklamestrategi fordi hvis AI kommer til at forandre verden fuldstændigt afgørende, så er det rationelt at investere sine sparepenge i de firmaer der udvikler AI. Det er endda rationelt at investere mere end hvad de nøgterne modeller for fornuftig investering siger – for de kan jo ikke indregne miraklet som kunstig intelligens kommer til at bringe til verden, eksempelvis det føromtalte AGI.

Det minder på den måde meget om „Pascals væddemål“, en berømt fidus formuleret af filosoffen Blaise Pascal tilbage i det 17. århundrede. Pascals væddemål går ud på at det er det rigtige at leve som kristen, for hvis Gud ikke eksisterer alligevel, så har du bare levet lidt mere nedern end du ellers ville, ved eksempelvis kun at kunne spise fisk under fasten eller afstå fra at dyrke bøssesex – og omvendt hvis Gud så rent faktisk eksisterer, så står du til at tjene en uendelig gevinst i himmeriget. Væddemålets pointe er altså at det er rationelt for dig at opgiver ret lidt værdi ved at leve som kristen frem for ateist for at viden en uendelig høj værdi ved at komme i himlen. Analogien med AI er at det virker rationelt at opgive relativt lidt værdi – ens sparepenge som man alligevel vil investere – mod potentielt at vinde en næsten uendelig værdi når AI bliver superintelligent eller overtager verdensherredømmet eller sådannoget. Derfor giver det mening for mange at investere uforholdsmæssigt meget i AI. Det forklarer det umiddelbart paradoksale i at cheferne for AI-firmaer helt seriøst taler om at deres eget produkt – AI – måske kan udslette menneskeheden.

I det hele taget er meget omkring AI bare marketing, og det er til at kaste op over at folk ikke fatter det. Tag bare navnet „kunstig intelligens“. Så spørger man dumt: Hvad er det egentlig for en intelligens? Hvad lærer AI os om intelligens? Er AI bevidst? Og andet i den dur. Det er idiotiske spørgsmål fordi kunstig intelligens ret åbentlyst er et performativt udsagn. Man kan groft sagt inddele sætninger i deklarative og i performative. Deklarative er nogle der bekræfter et faktum, som at „den danske konge hedder Frederik“. Omvendt udtrykket performative sætninger et ønske om at tingene skal være sandt, som når Kong Frederik siger, „Gud bevare Danmark.“ Det er ikke et faktum at teknologien er intelligent, i stedet udtrykker man et ønske om at andre skal se sin chatbot som intelligent når man kalder sit produkt for „kunstig intelligens“. 

Den her fortælling om AI skaber en stress blandt ellers ordentlige mennesker. Mellemledere overalt læser det her lort på LinkedIn eller i ukritiske medier og så får de stress og søsætter i al hast et AI-produkt i deres egen virksomhed uden helt at have tænkt det igennem. Og det her er hele meningen med det, det er en bevidst marketingsstrategi. I det offentlige har det resulteret i at man skal „frigøre“ – er forfærdeligt upræcist begreb – mindst 10.000 stillinger i det offentlige, men potentielt op mod 100.000. Alle mellemledere i hele den offentlige sektor har nu travlt med at prøve at proppe AI-produkter ind over det hele, for de kan ligesom godt regne ud at de bliver tvunget til det hvis de ikke selv gør det. AI fremstår lige nu som et tilbud man ikke kan afslå. 

Et godt eksempel på hvorfor det er farligt er historien om verdens angiveligt rigeste mand, Elon Musk, og hans rolle i den amerikanske regering med sit DOGE-program. Det eksplicitte formål var at effektivisere den amerikanske stat ved at bruge kunstig intelligens, primært chatbots. Programmet truede en lang række embedsmænd i den amerikanske stat, og fyrede også mange af dem. Men nu er programmet lukket igen, og det var på overfladen ikke nogen succes. Hvis man kigger på statistik over udgifterne i den amerikanske centraladministration, så er det ikke lykkedes at bringe udgifterne ned, og noget tyder på at de omvendt er steget under præsiden Trump. Men det er i virkeligheden lykkedes ret godt, for det har haft en stor magtpolitisk konsekvens. Mange amerikanske medier har beskrevet hvordan embedsmænd har været forvirrede og frygtede for deres job. Samtidig sker der det på alle niveauer af magt i USA at rettigheder og principper bliver overtrådt. Trump og hans kumpaner bryder loven hele tiden, og de kan få lov til det fordi der ofte ikke er nogen i embedsværket der siger nej.

Det er selvfølgelig på et helt anden skala, men jeg oplever et vist stik af den samme frygt og usikkerhed. Det er selvfølgelig mit problem, men nu er det så også mig der skriver bloggen. Men samtidig er det et samfundsproblem vil jeg påstå. En af de store pointer fra den såkaldte Magtudredningen 2.0, en undersøgelse af demokratiets vilkår i Danmark, fandt at det står dårligere til end den første undersøgelse fra omkring årtusindeskiftet, og en af grundende er at embedsværket står svarer relativt til politikerne, særligt dem i regeringen. At indføre AI skubber den bevægelse endnu hurtigere i den gale retning. Det går i sidste ende ud over vores rettigheder som borgere, vi får dårligere services og et system der er mindre i stand til at værne om vores rettigheder. Vinderne er den politiske elite hvis magt bliver mindre udfordret, og så kapitalen der står til at tjene penge, og hvis magtposition relativt til arbejdstagerne bliver forbedret.

3.

Tak fordi du læste med. Det går op for mig at jeg er sprunget ud i en ny genre: den politiske analyse. Det blev dog en lidt for lang og for rodet tekst den her gang. Jeg tror det handler om at jeg tænker meget over AI, og at jeg ret åbentlyst ikke er færdig med at tænke over det. Jeg skriver en tekst om måneden, det er mit dogme, og så bliver det sku ikke lige godt hver gang vel. Men næste måned har jeg en meget klar idé om, og jeg kan godt love at det bliver ikke-kunstig intelligent! 

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Hi, I'm Kevin 👋. I make apps and I love watching movies and TV shows. If you like what I'm doing, you can buy one of my apps, download and subscribe to Rippple for Trakt or just buy me a ko-fi ☕️.

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The Fear does not stalk its prey with cunning and stealth, as the great cat. Nor does it hunt in packs like dogs. Not does it spy its prey from a distance and loose arrows on surprise like man, though it is summoned by one who was once a man.

It does not rely on speed, nor silence, nor endurance, nor planning, for it is something else entirely.

The Fear comes with a bellowing roar and a fearsome visage it seeks not to hide, but calls attention to more and more as it moves closer. For it does not come for flesh, but catches the eyes of its victim and feasts on the terror.

When eyes are locked, in a fatal trap, mesmerized in pools of fire, it creeps ever so slightly closer. It grows louder and louder with each slow step. Often a victim could turn and run, could escape, if they could only break the gaze. For so long as any look into the eyes of this terrible creature, no movement is possible.

The Fear does not only hunt the solitary, but may be set on a village or town. Consuming its victims one by one, draining them to collapse, its power over successive victims grows stronger as they watch its slow horror.

Many will fall to their knees at the din and the fury hoping to beg themselves free, finding themselves saved for later as they feed the great monster their neighbors.

But those who know the Fear, who understand it, can escape those eyes of growing fire and raise a spear, or fork, or quiver of three arrows, and march towards it. Those who do may break its spell, that others may too rise and give chase.

And when those spears and forks find their mark, and when those arrows land, the wise who stood together find the cursed creature, manifestation of terror, was, all along, only a phantasm of light and shadow.

The weather was nice yesterday, so I took a walk along the East River on the Brooklyn side in Williamsburg. I then had a drink at The Turkey's Nest.

昔、一目惚れした子がいる。 その子は、ドン・キホーテの入り口あたりを、恐竜のスリッパを履いてウロウロしていた。 髪は茶色のボブで、顔はよく見えなかったけれど、全体の雰囲気を見ただけで、好きになってしまった。

あの子にもう一度会いたくて、あの辺りを何度か歩き回ったけれど、結局、再会は叶わなかった。 というか、仮にまた会えたとしても、あの子が恐竜のスリッパを履いていなかったら、きっと気づけない気がする。

俺が惹かれたのは、あの子の仕草だった。 スリッパに合わせて、ちょこちょこと歩く姿が、たまらなく可愛くて。 たぶん、それだけで好きになってしまったんだと思う。

それでも、やっぱり会いたい。 だから俺は、グッズメーカーに勤めている友人に頼んで、スリッパの作り方を教えてもらった。 恐竜のスリッパを作ってネットで売れば、あの子がSNSで反応してくれるかもしれない、なんて思ったからだ。

「恐竜はもう持ってるんだから、別の動物にしたほうがいいんじゃないか？」
そんな声もあるかもしれない。でも、俺はあの子がちょっと変わった趣味の持ち主だと信じてる。 だから、もう一足、別の恐竜のスリッパを買って、並べてくれるんじゃないかって。 そういう子だったら、嬉しいなって思った。

デザインを仕上げて、メーカーに納品し、恐竜のスリッパを100足作ってネットで販売した。 すると、どこかの界隈で流行ったらしく、1週間で96足が売れてしまった。

でも、あの子らしい投稿は、どこにも見当たらなかった。

あの子が履いていたスリッパは、緑色の恐竜で、つま先がちょうど恐竜の口になっているデザインだった。 あとになって友人に、「恐竜って普通、口が上にあるから、それワニだったんじゃないの？」って言われたけど、 そんなの、どうでもよかった。俺にとっては、あれは間違いなく“恐竜のスリッパ”だった。

結局、あの子はSNSに現れなかった。何の手がかりも得られなかった。

「サンプルが2つあるから、一緒に履こうぜ」 そう言ってくれた友人と、俺たちはおそろいの恐竜スリッパを履くことにした。

Sleepless nights.

I've noticed that I have been waking up more in the early mornings/late nights. I wonder sometimes if I should up the dosage on my medication with my doctor or not. Something to think about.

How are you? How did you sleep? I am feeling somewhat better about my situation. How have you been, being a TI? I really want to connect with others like myself. It has been very difficult to find a group of people that I can trust and a group of people where I can share my experiences without being judged or laughed at.

I am hoping this space is not like that. And even if it becomes a place where gangstalkers appear and start doing their thing: f*ck off, mate. Fr. I actually woke up this morning wanting to incorporate God's word in my posts. I am simply sharing His word, His promises, and what helps me. If it offends some of you, I do apologize (not my intention). Also, negativity is NOT helpful; if you don't have anything nice to say, simply don't say it.

I wanted to ask some of my fellow TIs if they have experienced electronic harassment/monitoring, lately? I have been. I had an app randomly show up on my phone yesterday, downloaded and everything. Ready for use (lol). I screenshotted it and then I deleted the app; however, its the invasion of privacy that I cannot stand. It makes me feel as though I cannot escape these people nor can I figure out how to feel safe within my own space. I have mentioned that this is the largest form of human trafficking in today's world. Simply because they can see, hear, and they know what is happening in my life.

I wanted to figure out who my handler is. I have mentioned that it could be my spouse or their ex. It is the nature in which things went down/have been going down. I wanted to mention something else that has happened to me over the course of years: every single medical professional I have been seen by, or met, or has treated me for something, suddenly retires after having me as a patient, or they change practices. Without letting me know, they just leave. Isn't that interesting? I find it very interesting. I personally think that they botch my treatment plans & then get paid to leave me alone. Quite literally I have been seen by over 20 different kinds of physicians in the last 6 years, all of them retired/left.

Partly why I think I am being trafficked is because of the access to medical treatment that I have been experiencing. I have veteran insurance (grateful for this), & because I don't really have the resources to pay my copayments all the time (due to all this), I find it difficult to meet with a medical professional and KEEP them as a PCP or whatever. I got a bill from a medical professional's office yesterday in the mail & I never went to see them. I had made an appointment, yes, but I never met with them. And the nurses never got back to me either to send some information. I have noticed that everywhere I go for treatment, the office “cannot verify my benefits”. Also, something I have noted. So basically, they are making me rack up medical debt so I cannot continue to meet with the doctor and receive the healthcare I need. I am very much aware of what is happening to me. They know that I know that they know that I know (lol).

I am going to share a verse this morning that God has placed on my heart to share with you all:

“When my mother & father forsake me, the LORD will pick me up.” Psalm 27:10

I share this verse to give other TIs hope. Whatever you believe in, you higher power will pick you up. I have learned this to be true, especially since my own mother and father DID this exact thing. I think it is very interesting, honestly. People will flip on anyone to make sure their pockets are full.

By God's grace, I am saved today. I am thriving, feeling alive and well. Nothing will stop me, except negativity. That always gets my energy levels down. This entire experience has propelled me to go back to school to become a paralegal. I would like to get my foot in the door somehow by working a law firm pertaining to the things I have experienced/have been experiencing. I WILL make it. And I know that is something that pisses these mfs off: I just do not give up & I stay positive.

I hope you all have a blessed morning. Remember: you are amazing, beautiful, and blessed. Don't let these animals win by any means. Stay aware of your surroundings, stay hydrated, & know that we will come out the other side of this.

Jaide owwt*

I went to a golf range today for the first time! It turns out there’s one really close to my new house, and I went with a mixture of old friends and new friends. Yesterday night I also went out clubbing, and while it wasn’t exactly the greatest experience I still went which is really nice. Today I just got home and it’s about 2 AM, because we stayed up playing board games together and it was really fun. I’ve never even been a board game person until recently and honestly I really fucking enjoy it.

I wanted to start off this post by saying at least something not about the breakup, even though it kind of is in a way. I did have a couple different moments where I essentially just broke down into tears. But also I think for the first day I woke up and my first thought was not of her. I spent a lot of time thinking about how it felt like there was two versions of her in my head. One of them was the one that was not exactly the ideal partner for me, and someone that also crossed a lot of boundaries and did a lot of hurt. That’s the version of her that I recognize is not a good relationship for me. I’m very thankful to that person for both letting me make my mistakes, showing me my struggles, and then also ultimately making the decision for me which made sure I didn’t continue to drag on the situation longer than it should have been. But there’s also the other version of her which is the one that I felt safe with, the one that I remember in my arms, and the one that I remember all of these beautiful cherished memories with. And the difficult part is reconciling with the fact that both of those people are the same. It’s weird because it feels like I can’t hold both of those truths at the same time, I can either mourn the fact that I’ve lost this innocent pure person who made me feel so incredibly safe, or I can mourn all of the bad things that happened and the incredibly difficult and painful portions of the entire process. But I can’t seem to recognize both of those at the same time in the same person. I talked with N for a while today because I think he’s a very smart person, and he gave me some interesting thoughts on it. One thing is how I can rationalize negative behavior away, but I cannot do that same thing to positive memories. There’s no justification or understanding I need to recognize how much I appreciated and really savored certain moments. I don’t need to be convinced to accept or even want those moments, because I already do inherently. And so I think the problem becomes I can intellectualize away my grief in a way, but I also cannot help but face my grief without being able to intellectualize it. And I guess what I kind of realized while driving home is that the key element I’m missing is just time. I think that’s the short answer, and the longer answer is understanding and embracing the fact that as time goes on I will recognize that my life does not necessarily get worse. There will be a lot of things that I will miss of course, but there will be a lot of things that I also do not miss. Life has a way to fill in these vacuums, and if I allow it to, it really does become something beautiful. Sometimes I just have to remind myself how it really can just be that simple. A beautiful thing about free will is the ability to just try different things with relatively no consequences. There’s no real consequence in any meaningful way to going to a new social situation, or to try to socialize in a group where I felt irrationally unsafe in. For example, I’m kind of afraid of men, and that does put me off of socialization in a couple different avenues. But today I went. And I had a great time. And maybe there’s a couple other hobbies that I’m afraid of or that I try and haven’t been crazily successful, but I can always go back and I can always do them again and I think I will be surprised with the success that I see. I think a lot about that one, of how there is a life that I’ve always wanted, and I will make it mine.

Siempre he pensado que las lagartijas son especiales. Es posible que así piensen muchas personas. Hace pocos años, paseando con mi esposa, vimos a dos de ellas atravesar un muro de lado a lado en un parque cerca de un río. Eran verdes y azules, las vimos pasar como unas flechas, y aún así tuvieron tiempo para mirarnos. Aunque esto es algo subjetivo, ambos coincidimos en que nos expresaron simpatía.

Tengo, además, un recuerdo imborrable de mi temprana infancia. Un día encontré una lagartija en la pared de mi dormitorio, al frente de mi cama. Me miró y le pude sostener la mirada, que era mínima, pero aguda. Me revisó de arriba a abajo y me dijo: “Tú eres un buen chico. Pareces inteligente también”. Aunque pude entenderla, no me arriesgué a saludarla porque no pronuncio bien el lagartano. Pero sí sonreí, le puse un vaso de agua y una galleta. Sabía que eran para él. Sé que tomó agua cuando apagué la luz y es posible que mordisqueara la galleta. Comería otras cosas, pues iba y venía del patio. Nadie más la vio. Cuando entramos en esa confianza que da la proximidad, tuvimos breves conversaciones en español. Le decía, por ejemplo, “Escóndete, que viene alguien”, y lo hacía, aunque justo en el último minuto. Era arriesgada, hábil en aparecer y desaparecer. Es posible que supiera camuflarse.

Al poco tiempo no la volví a ver. Le deseé lo mejor. Y si me estás leyendo, no olvides que eres parte de mis más bellos recuerdos.

What is worth knowing

When he stepped into the room, there was a brief hesitation in him, a pause, as though he were listening for something only he could hear. I happened to look around the table of five, and a smile happened to slip out of me before I could think. That was enough. He chose his place beside me as if the decision had already been written in him. I did not expect anything from the evening, yet I felt a quiet warmth bloom in me as I watched him. His gentleness toward me wasn’t lost on anyone, it moved through the group like a small, unspoken ripple. He didn’t dress his words in any sort of ceremony, by the time he leaned in slightly and said, – “I hope, from now on, we’ll always be of one mind.” I nodded and laughed with a soft “Of course,” as if offering the usual joke that would normally preface any of our conversations, while pouring a suspicious amount of olive oil over my pizza, my eyes fixed anywhere but on his. He continued, soft but intentional: – “I was hoping tonight might bring us closer. That the evening wouldn’t pass without enabling us to entering something more of a... real conversation.” I kept starring at my plate, eventually turning my face on his direction: – “Well, to me, I don't know why would I speak of something not authentic. It felt to me as though I was served just enough to stay quiet. And as much as I don’t believe anyone would be foolish enough to provoke things merely for his own amusement, had I known all of this sooner, my estimation of such a person might have been of... I don't know, a menace.” – “A menace,” he laughed. “Oh, I love that word. How hard it is to be believed in some cases, and how impossible in others.” He went on: “And, although, in this case, I'd be the last one advocating for another man, I believe this is typical of someone who feels more than acknowledges.” I shifted, angling my body subtly toward him, my gaze lingering on his eyes, full sentence: – “Why are you saying that to me now?” – “Because that's been my lesson since I know you, and by now I can tell you only what is worth knowing.”

/2025

I think the hardest part of realizing that I am a TI is the fact that I cannot trust my “family”. My parents have created falsified documentation to utilize against me. It is very interesting to watch all of this unfold. I wonder why or how my blood decided to turn their backs on me and publicly humiliate me.

My spouse's ex is an interesting individual. I met my spouse in 2020, and I quickly learned that this person (the ex) would stop at nothing to harm those that go against their views. Let me explain:

2020 was a strange year for everyone I believe. However, being that I met my spouse that year, I was in heaven. We clicked instantly & made plans for a future early on. While 2020 progressed, I learned my spouse had a past, they were honest about it. Well, I looked past it. I did not care, it had nothing to do with their present, and I was very optimistic (still am). This did not sit well with their ex-spouse. The fact that my spouse had moved on drove the ex to actually reach out to me and try to convince of a story that I just FELT in my gut was not right. Something about their version of events just made me feel like it was made up, or at best, not entirely true.

When this person reached out to me to impose their side of this “story”, I simply stated that I did not want to know, nor did it concern me. I then went on to tell them that I was late for work and would reach out to them later in the day (little white lie). Well? Right before I blocked this individual, I got hit with a Pink Floyd lyric type of response, “I am just tending to the dead roses in my garden”. (-_–) Be that as it may, still not my problem.

Following this incident came a series of what I now know to be “infiltration” of my circle, this person reached out to my siblings & sent police reports, background checks, etc. This obviously scared my family. They started to dislike my partner. Around mid 2020, this individual then proceeded to call CPS on my spouse and I, and I had to be supervised with my children for 72 hours because of their attempt at getting me away from my children. I was clean at the time, so it did not make sense.

Eventually, this person took to social media to openly express hatred & obsessive like behaviors towards my spouse & I. Constant, and I mean constant, posts about what a “deadbeat parent” my spouse was, how much they disdained our love connection, and pretty much was creating an atmosphere of defamation and slander about us. These actions drove my spouse and I to shut down social media for 4 years. Off the map, things still continued. This person had infiltrated our circle of “friends” for information and exhibited stalker-like behavior. In 2024, once my spouse and I decided to get back on the map, things only escalated. Through the platform known as “Facebook”, we learned that we had a “mole” in the friends list. Every time I would post or my spouse, it would end up as a screenshot of the post with the ex posting their own thoughts & opinions about our life together above said screenshot.

See, this wasn't envy or jealousy. This was pure coveting of my life. I had my boys, hardworking wealthy parents, and wonderful marriage. Had purchased multiple properties within two years, and it pissed this person OFF. I mean it pissed them off enough to recruit what are called “flying monkeys” to do their bidding in our smear campaign and stalking. I came to learn in 2025 the level of disdain and absolute obsession this individual(s) had/have over me.

Remember in my previous post, I mentioned that our neighborhood had been in on our gangstalking? Well, EVERYONE I had ever came into contact with basically sold their effing souls for quick buck in order to hurt me. The entire neighborhood, gas station workers, employees of MAJOR companies, joined in on gangstalking me. Former acquaintances started to fall off slowly.

That is how this works: they infiltrate your circles, learn about your insecurities, they study how you move, what you eat and listen to, who you talk to, what you watch, literally create a profile against you to then share false narratives about you & make people feel like they are doing the American thing by defending the community from you...but you have not done anything. They blacklist you. Try and get help? They won't help you and they will pay randos to harass you. They will pay anyone and everyone to make sure you stay under their thumb.

They hack your devices. Yes, they remotely access your electronics and stalk you through there. They will try and make you feel insecure & afraid, but I believe that there are some parameters in place so that we don't physically get hurt. The idea though is to make you afraid; that's one of the objectives I believe.

Well, back to the ex. I recently (within the last 90 days) posted on my story on the same platform, the actual police report from this incident they claimed happened so many years ago. And since that day, they have been absolutely silent, watching my every move online, along with their flying monkeys. SO many fake profiles pop up on my “people you may know” and I just screenshot it and save it for my case.

I mentioned that I posted in a TI group recently; I posted a public record photo, without doxxing information of the person I was posting about, and again, this was a public forum for TIs. Well, within about 2 hours, my post makes it back to one of my gangstalkers. They not only JOINED the TI group, they actually decided to slander & defame me online some more. So getting paid to f*ck with me wasn't enough, they had to attack me online. (lol)

I cannot make sh*t up, man. We have ZERO friends in common, so why would “people be sending you MY posts”. (-_–) The main goal of my gangstalking is to make me feel less than, like I would imagine other TIs experience. I still remember the moments when my spouse was actively making me feel like I was unwanted. Fr.

So? Now, like I mentioned, I do not care if they want to be with me or not, or if I am “unwanted” by anyone at that. Why? Because these people want to break me down. Oh yeah, “break down” was one of the little phrases that these people used on me to literally break down my psyche. Hyper aware of these two words. insert eye roll.

In another post I will post my experiences with petty thugs & drg dealers that were squatting at my place for some time. Also compensated to fck with me and my psyche. I cannot make this stuff up guys, this is literally my reality.

Again, I hope normies learn that this program exists and that they too should be aware of any “weird synchronicities” in their own lives. And most importantly: Fellow TIs? I hear you. I see you. I believe in you and your stories. Keep speaking up and DO NOT give up. We have got this & will come out the other side. I just know it.

Jaide owwt*