I’m going on a walk at work to my crying spot again. This week has been back to back to back friend birthdays. I just had a birthday lunch with G, and at one point she started asking everyone what their favorite present they’ve received was. It was already hard enough watching everyone talk about different stuff before this but this felt like an execution. I kept thinking and the only two things that came to my mind were the league of legends gift cards I got when I had my first birthday party around 16, and then the cake my exes family made for me on thanksgiving for my birthday. Both of my friends got cakes at work, and I remember I got nothing. I don’t even remember if I got happy birthday texts. M talked about how for she didn’t like her birthday and she tries to disappear for it. I related. And then she said it was because of all the attention and celebrations felt like too much. She talked about how her parents remind her when her bday is coming up because she forgot, and I had to keep looking away to try to avoid crying. All I could think about was how there were years where I’d have to remind my parents about my birthday. All I’d ask for was to go to a bakery and get a single slice of cake. I didn’t get any presents or celebrations or shit like that. And it’s not that I wanted stuff, I just want to have some space in the world, to feel like I’m someone who’s wanted rather than hiding and trying to just keep my home as peaceful as possible. The year before college I asked my dad if I could just sit in the car for an hour so I could listen to music out loud for once. What a pathetic thing to say when I’m bombarded by friends talking about their birthday weeks, or the sweet kind things they get from friends. God I would cry so fucking much and cherish just a fraction of that. I want someone to think of me and let me know that. I can’t help but have this feeling that the world would go on so easily without me. I’ve taken up so little space in others I can’t think of any grief I would incur. I know people would be sad if I killed myself, but there’s a difference between sadness and grief. Outside of the normal loss that comes from someone’s suicide I’m not sure what people would miss. Me initiating things? The social spaces I set up through effort? Making people laugh? The only things I can think of are the things I provide, and so I feel as once those niches are replaced I fade.

I wish I knew how to take up space in this world. I want to be something to others, where I could exist when I’m asking rather than providing. I have spent so much of my life telling myself to info will get better, and a lot of things have. But I don’t have any guarantees and so I wait. I wish other people knew how desperately I want presents. I would love to be celebrated. I want something I can hold and look at and use to remind myself that things are different. Things as a proof for the argument that I am loved and I exist to the world and I would be missed. And I know it’s dangerous to equate these things because I cannot expect any gifts.

I’ve had enough ideation for the rest of a life.

Life at Blue Blossom estate had gone from a regular pacing of works to a haste that felt almost desperate. Siv had woken up that morning to an urgent ping from Mistress Maevin Maer, and from that point on she had been moving at a breakneck speed.

In a way, the 2nd order maid and Mistress in training was happy that her own Mistress trusted her. When Siv had gotten down to the first floor barely dressed, all the dark haired woman did was order her to handle guest hospitality and move on to pull harvester maids with estate certifications from the fields for extra support.

It felt like a massive weight on the woman with a two toned hair of blond and red. Guest hospitality meant food, quarters, assigned maids, and if she screwed this up, she would be in a world of hurt.

Of course, Siv was not going to be stupid. Her first stop after giving a quick bow to Maevin was to make her way to the Emissary Maids and refresh on what was expected for their guest. Their guest was none other than Countess Nadaela Vanen of House Vanen. She was infamous enough that even she had heard of her. House Vanen was an extremely powerful Gray Council house and only second to the Empress in influence. Rumors had it that Avernell and Vanen were rivals, but the appointment of Lord Henry Patton-Avernell made it worse. High Baron Hesh Avernell wanted to put a Terran in charge while Vanen's High Baron was fully against it. In the end, Hesh Avernell won, but if anything, these people were good at holding grudges. The fact that a powerful woman of said house was arriving unannounced sent a jolt of anxiety through her.

The official statement that Siv had learned was the Countess was on her way to Fort Aldric from her home world of Monolith and decided to stop by since they were in the area. Siv did not believe that explanation one bit.

Right now, she didn't care. They would be here in less than four hours, and even with all the prepping, they still felt unprepared. At that moment, Siv was half running, half walking towards the landing pad as security alerted her of the incoming shuttle from Black Fall Estate up north near Khelen. She was so haggard that she had a notion that her breasts had escaped her tvekel, but she didn't care. The woman only tucked them back after sprinting the last few yards under the colonnade that connected the main house and the shuttle pad. As she stepped forward, she waved away the security guards, who rightfully were suspicious as yet another rival house, House Devenek, had arrived, but her master had worked hard cultivating a relationship with them, and Siv was not going to undermine it.

Standing in front of her was a maid wearing her robe with fur trimmed around her neck and cuffs. A vivid blue wide sash was wrapped around her waist that contrasted against the darker gray, and silver tassels hung from the edge of said sash.

Maevin had made Siv study the maid orders and identification of the houses on Victory, and so she recognized an Estate Maid of the 3rd Order.

“Kita, Estate maid of the 3rd order,” the woman said stiffly with what looked like a sneer hidden in the corners of her mouth.

“Siv, Estate maid of the 2nd order,” she responded, and Kita gave a stiff bow recognizing her rank.

Kita gestured towards the shuttle that two servants had begun unloading two crates emblazoned with the Devenek crest from the back of the shuttle. The gentle clink of glass told her that her rivals had actually accepted her request.

“The ice liquor you requested,” Kita said. “From our master's private stores. He sends his respect and well wishes to your master and his visitor.”

Kaedral Ice Liquor, a special blend of kaedal bark that could only be found on a few moons orbiting the ice giant Veydra in the Haeshan System, which was on the other side of imperial space. It was the only produced alcohol that was comparable in taste and value to the Blue Wine Siv's estate made. It was also a favorite of Countess Vanen and would look good on Lord Henry to have it in stock. The liquor was also extremely expensive, and the fact that Duke Shantuk sent two cases made her impressed and anxious. Siv had only asked for two bottles, and these were sent. A favor for a favor, so she had no clue what would be asked of her later.

Siv bowed to the maid a lot deeper than she needed to acknowledge the gravity of the decision that was made. “Please thank your master for his kindness and to you for accepting my favor.”

Kita simply made a clicking sound with her mouth before turning and returning to her shuttle, which then took back off. Honestly, what else had Siv expected? She signaled to the two servants who had shown up to carry the cases to the kitchens, where Burdak Rikol, their Arch Maid of the Scullery Battalion, would be handling the serving of it.

Goddess, this is nerve-wracking, Siv thought to herself as she immediately turned back towards the estate proper and tried not to sprint.

---

Everything was prepared as it was going to be. That was something Siv had accepted as soon as she heard from the Mistress to gather in the grand foyer. There were still many things the 1st order maid wanted to get done, but they were out of time. Siv hoped that she hadn't missed anything.

As expected for a visiting dignitary, the Arch Maids, their assistants, and the 1st order maids were present in two lines facing each other to greet their esteemed visitor. Siv quickly took up her position right next to Maevin at the furthest end inside the foyer and folded her hands in front of her, also as expected.

“I saw Ice Liquor in the serving menu,” Maevin said, her voice low so only Siv could hear it. There was a mixture of curiosity and an undercurrent of a threat.

“Yes, mistress,” Siv responded as quietly. “I called in a favor, so our master would have only the finest for our guest.”

The 1st order maid saw Maevin nod out of the corner of her eye.

“The favor better not cost us, Siv,” Maevin warned. “You know what will happen.”

“I'll accept the altar if I embarrass our master,” Siv responded.

“Owing a favor to a rival estate? It won't be the altar, maid. It'll be the talons for you.”

The cold dread that went down Siv's spine made her involuntarily shiver. The Talons of Ala. She had never seen it used, but it was saved for the gravest of indiscretions. There was a statue of their esteemed goddess behind the temple, out of sight, where the unfortunate soul was placed. They had to put their hands and feet in specific spots, which were designed to dislocate the shoulders and hips. The young woman imagined it would be quite excruciating.

Lord Henry himself arrived beside Maevin with that nervous but happy grin that Siv had come to adore.

“Do I look alright?” he whispered to Maevin, tugging on his elegant summer tunic and then running his hand through his light brown hair a few times.

“You look good, my master,” Maevin responded in a warm tone that seemed off to the person that Siv was used to working with. Well, of course it was the case. Siv had seen a gentle side to her mistress a few times, but it was extremely rare. There was a chain of command that had to be kept in line.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Siv?”

The maid started for a second, being referred to directly, and she quickly gave him a bow. “You look impeccable, my master.”

“Please relax, Master,” Maevin soothed. “This isn't your first encounter like this.”

“I know,” Henry responded nervously. “But this is House Vanen. I did my research, Maevin; they don't like Avernell, and they especially don't like me. I heard that the two High Barons got in a yelling match in front of the Empress over me.”

That was probably an exaggeration in Siv's opinion, because nobody would dare raise their voice in the presence of the Empress of all the empire.

“You are the Lord of Blue Blossom, Caretaker of the Emerald Sector, and Fleet Master of the 23rd Battle fleet,” Maevin chided in the gentlest way, which was, again, off-putting.

“Yeah. I know. Still...”

“You have this, my master,” Siv added encouragingly, and the glance of subtle approval from Maevin made her relax a bit for speaking out of turn.

The heavy, intricately carved double doors opened, and immediately every maid in line lowered their head and bowed. Maevin and Henry left Siv's side and walked down to meet the people who had just entered. Siv looked out of the corner of her eye.

Countess Nadaela Vanen was a striking woman with long, flowing purple hair that cascaded past her waist in loose, elegant waves. Her hair shimmered with varying shades of violet as the outside and inside light mixed together. There were several braided sections which had been adorned with ornate golden accessories and deep green gemstones. A pair of decorative ornaments rested near her temples in a distinct Vanen style.

Her eyes were a vivid crimson, framed by dark lashes and subtly pointed features that looked cold as ice from the polar caps.

Countess Vanen was dressed in an elaborate emerald-green gown that hugged her upper body before flowing outward into long, layered fabric. The dress had a deep, elegant neckline and exposed sections of her shoulders, while its loose sleeves draped down her arms. Intricate golden embroidery and bronze-colored ornamentation traced the edges of the fabric, forming swirling patterns that resembled vines or delicate branches.

Decorative emerald gemstones had been set into the metallic embellishments around her neckline, shoulders, and waist. A wide, ornate belt cinched the gown at her waist, adorned with interlocking metalwork and jewel-like details. Her sleeves were asymmetrical in their draping, with fitted sections around her forearms and loose fabric extending toward her wrists.

Siv had seen rich and powerful before when she trained as a courtesan, but this was something else. House Vanen was extremely powerful, extremely rich, and their entire aesthetic was built around the concept of tradition. Henry was the antithesis of tradition, so the 2nd order maid expected things to be extremely tense.

“eta isa udemi rovinve rotunaemaxavienve vanen,” Siv's lord said in almost perfect Xaltean. He still had an accent, but it had become pretty light with the amount of practice he had.

Countess Nadaela's crimson eyes burrowed into Henry, and Siv was amazed he didn't melt immediately under that gaze. He had that characteristic warm smile she herself had been given. Nadaela, in perfect form, curtsied far enough to acknowledge him as tradition required but no further.

“We have your rooms ready if you wish to—”

“No, that's fine,” Nadaela cut him off, looking about. “I would like to sit with you and discuss some things.”

Siv noticed the subtle movement of Maevin switching feet, which she knew meant Maevin was uncomfortable with the situation.

“Do you mind if my people get things in order with your honored maid?” Nadaela continued, referring to the six people standing with her, heads politely lowered.

“I do not mind at all,” Henry continued, and then looked to Siv. “Siv, if you could make sure their honored maid meets Tula, I would appreciate it.”

“As you command, my master,” Siv said with a bow.

The trio began to move, with Nadaela's personal maid keeping close while the others waited. As soon as the leadership was gone, everyone relaxed. Siv immediately looked to the other maids, who began to mingle with the Blue Blossom staff, discussing their specific roles. As Siv watched, something tickled the back of her brain.

There was a young woman wearing the tvekel of a low-ranking estate maid. She was behind her higher-order leader, who was speaking, but when she looked towards one of Blue Blossom's servants, she broke into a very friendly smile and gave the lightest of winks, which caused the other to blush but smile back.

Siv's eyes narrowed immediately as she watched. Even though the woman was dressed as a simple maid, there was something about her movement that just didn't match, but Siv couldn't put a finger on it.

“Peer Taer. I am Nish Kevet. Are your people hungry or thirsty? We have food and drink after your long journey.”

Arch Maid Nish Kevet of the [ESTATE?] legion had arrived and taken command of the situation. Siv hadn't even noticed that Nish had glanced at her for a moment and immediately took on the hostess role, allowing Siv to act as the Mistress and watch. Was it written that much on her face?

“That would be lovely, peer Nish. You are very gracious to us,” Taer, a short man with short aqua-blue hair, responded. “We would love some.”

The entire party was led to a side room where tables of food had been set out for what had to be hungry servants. Siv followed behind, watching very carefully but trying her best not to come across as hostile. That was something she did not want to add on to Lord Henry's massively overloaded plate.

Conversation began to flow between everyone, especially after a few Vanen maids requested to use the casual register in speech, and that was warmly welcomed. If anything, Blue Blossom maids were very amiable and tried to embody the Avernell belief of warmth and beauty. Siv could not get the other maid out of her head, though, as everyone lined up to grab their meals.

“That's Shushema,” a voice said beside her, and Siv started, not realizing she hadn't been paying attention. Standing beside her with his plate and cup was the maid Taer from earlier.

“I'm sorry?”

He nodded towards the woman he had been looking at. “That's Shushema, estate maid of the 9th order. She's a recent addition to Sunfire Ridge Estate. She's been a very good worker, though a bit too friendly at times.”

There was a tone of admonishment in that statement that Siv did understand. A servant that talked too much, especially around people they shouldn't, could have dire effects.

It was when Shushema had made it up to the food after flirting with a few others and took the cup that was offered that it struck Siv. When the Vanen maid had taken the cup and another offered to fill it, Shushema, for a moment, rested the cup on the back of her hand instead of in her palm, but immediately corrected herself within a split second. If Siv hadn't been watching, she would have missed it. The realization of what she was hit her.

That was no estate maid. That was a courtesan.

“Has she been with you long?” Siv asked, sliding into the comfortable and confident persona she had perfected years ago.

Taer took a bite of his sandwich and shrugged. “She was brought on right before the Duchess decided to travel to Fort Aldric for the summit with the Terra Concavum.”

The young woman nodded, watching as Shushema made her way towards the couches and floor cushions, sidling up to a few of the Blue Blossom maids. That made Siv's heart jump a bit. Courtesans were infamous for being able to pull important details from unsuspecting servants. She should know, as she had been training to be one years before arriving at Blue Blossom.

“I see. Hasn't had a chance to understand the importance of tradition as your house is known for,” Siv said politely with a nod to him. “I take it Victory was the only stop?”

“Yes,” Taer said, and then grinned at her. “You're quite curious about our itinerary, Peer Siv.”

“Just curiosity,” Siv deflected with a well-practiced smile. “I've not been offworld since I arrived two summers ago. I do get a bit antsy.”

Waiting only a few moments longer to make her excuses, she stepped into the main corridor and debated what to do next. It was then that she saw Mistress Maevin making her way from the lounge towards the kitchens, and she did not look happy. Still, as much as facing her anger was scary, it was the right thing to do.

“Mistress,” Siv called, hurrying over to her. Maevin's cold eyes turned to her.

“Not now, Siv.”

“Forgive me,” she continued, bowing. “We have an issue.”

“What?”

“One of the Vanen estate maids is actually a courtesan.”

The mistress-in-training was not sure how it was possible, but Maevin's eyes grew colder. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, mistress.”

Maevin leaned in, her voice dropping to a hiss. “Deal with it.” The Mistress didn't wait around but continued on whatever mission she had been given.

Deal with it? How do I deal with a courtesan?, Siv thought to herself, the anxiety bubbling in her chest. House Aldinav Courtesans were trained to exist among the different maids, and calling one out was extremely difficult and a social disaster if not done correctly. Even so, a courtesan asking a question isn't actually breaking any rules if the person being asked answered. How was she supposed to deal with it?

If it wasn't obvious before, it was certain now that the whole trip Duchess Vanen was taking was to investigate Master Henry and his estate. Her unexpected arrival, the fact that there was a hidden courtesan among them. She was looking for information, and if they weren't careful,

Siv thought it over as she walked back toward the side room, slower so she had a chance to get her emotions in check and not give the entire game away. As she did, a plan was coming to mind.

The first thing she had to do was keep Shushema busy with people who had nothing worth extracting.

Keep the junior kitchen staff and the newer field hands near her. Didn't Maevin bring a few harvesters in from the fields? They wouldn't know the day-to-day of what was going on in the main estate.

The next thing she had to do was the part that made her stomach twist: she needed to feed Shushema something. A courtesan who came away with nothing at all would only confirm to House Vanen that there was something to hide. It was better to give her something that felt scandalous but wouldn't be out of place, especially if it was something about Terrans but not in a way that would humiliate her lord.

Siv reached the doorway of the side room and paused, watching Shushema laugh warmly at something one of the stable hands had said, one hand resting with practiced looseness on his forearm.

Gods help me if I screw this up...

Siv found the harvester maids were clustered in the far corner, probably uncomfortable with having to socialize instead of being in the fields. Good. She crossed to the nearest one, a broad-shouldered woman named Peket who Siv only vaguely knew from the fields. She was a powerful woman who ran her own teams with the harvest of the winter rose apples.

“Maid Peket,” Siv said warmly, “would you mind helping our guests feel comfortable?”

Peket blinked, clearly surprised, but nodded. “Of course, Esteemed Siv.”

Siv guided her, and two other harvesters she gathered along the way, toward the cluster of Vanen and Patton-Avernell servants where Shushema had planted herself. It was easy enough to make it look natural, a hostess making sure no guest went untended, introductions offered with a light touch before Siv excused herself to attend to something else. It felt like a dream, leaning into talents she hadn't used in years. Within a few minutes, Shushema had traded her stable hand for an animated conversation with Peket about the difference between Terran and Xaltean crop rotations, a topic so far from anything useful that Siv nearly laughed with relief. That also was information that the courtesan was not a high-ranking one, as they wouldn't have been distracted so easily.

Maybe 9th or 8th order, Siv thought to herself. That solves the immediate problem. Now to keep her at bay.

The mistress-in-training found Nish refilling a tray near the sideboard and touched her elbow lightly, leaning in as if commenting on the food.

“Peer Nish. A word, when you have a moment that doesn't look like a moment.”

Nish's eyes flicked to her, sharply. Nish was quiet and reserved but very strict and quick to read the room. “Of course, Peer Siv. The kevet rolls need restocking anyway.”

They drifted together toward the doorway, and Siv could feel Nish's intense curiosity.

“We have an issue,” Siv started as they stepped out into the hall. “The maid Shushema. She's a courtesan.”

Nish's eyes widened for a split second before she gave a firm nod. “Has the mistress been informed?”

“Yes, she told me to deal with it,” she said, and Siv didn't need the look of pity from the other maid.

“What do you need from me?”

“We need to feed her something that will satiate House Vanen's curiosity but not put our master into a worse situation with such a powerhouse,” Siv began to explain, trying her best not to rattle on. “I just don't have any ideas of what to give them or how? I was hoping you might have an idea. You've worked a lot of estates.”

Nish considered for a moment, tapping a finger against her thigh. “You suspect House Vanen already believes this visit is about Lord Henry's fitness to hold the Emerald Sector. That means whatever we feed her has to answer that question, just not honestly.”

“Meaning?” Siv asked.

“Meaning we need to provide a flaw.” Nish's mouth curved faintly. “Vanen wants proof that Avernell overreached in putting a Terran in charge, but something with almost no real value to use against him, and something that will turn out false in the end.”

The mistress in training frowned. “How do we do that?”

“Let it slip that Lord Henry still struggles with conforming to Xaltean standards. That he struggles with our language and customs still and that the Mistress is covering for him.” Nish said, her tapping finger getting a bit faster. “It was all true at one time, but they won't be here long enough to realize that.”

Siv's stomach eased slightly, then tightened again. “That'll still make him look weak. We can't jeopardize his position.”

“It makes him look Terran,” Nish corrected. “There's a difference, and anyone looking objectively will know that. If Shushema carries back that he's still acting Terran, Vanen gains ammunition for discussion in the Gray Council, but not enough to actually bring before the Gray Council, and if they did investigate, they would find her information is either wrong or outdated. As you know, our lord speaks very well.”

Siv thought of Henry tugging at his tunic in the foyer, asking Maevin twice if he looked alright. It wasn't even a lie. That was what unsettled her most.

“Someone low-order,” Siv said slowly, working it through. “Someone that it wouldn't be suspicious of, but someone we can trust.”

“Exactly.”

Siv nodded. “We just need to find someone who can do it.”

“I can.”

The two women started, having been so deep in conversation in the corner that they hadn't seen the other woman approach. Peket's large frame stood near them. Nish's eyes narrowed into slits as the anger seethed.

“Were you spying on us?”

“I was eavesdropping,” Peket admitted straight away, “because I was curious.”

“I can have you whipped for that.” Siv warned.

“And I will accept it, but I can do it.”

Siv and Nish exchanged glances before looking at the harvester.

“It's risky because if we screw this up, you will go to the Talons just like us,” Nish said, not bothering to hide that she knew the stakes.

“Because of who he is,” Peket said eagerly, the tomboy exploding out. “Just a few weeks ago, he was touring the orchards as we were preparing the plants, saw that we were down a worker who was being examined by a medic, and spent the next two hours climbing up in the trees with us, making sure we could get done on schedule.”

Siv forced herself to keep the smile from reaching her face. That sounded so much like their Terran lord.

“So, I wish to do this to repay what he did for us harvesters, and if it fails, I accept the consequences.”

Nish glanced to Siv, who nodded.

“Then here's the plan.”

---

Siv had learned the trick of invisibility long ago, and the skill returned easily. She settled herself near the tall arrangement of dried flowering branches against the far wall, angled just enough that anyone glancing across the room would see only her shape, monitoring things but too boring to watch. There was a little alcove of the room near her position that Peket had been moving towards slowly, and from there, they wouldn't be able to spot her.

Shushema had done the drawing in slowly; Siv could see that much. A hand light on Peket's forearm, a lean of the head that made the bigger woman lean back in turn, the two of them forming a small closed circle that excluded the rest of the room without appearing to try. Peket's voice came low and careful, pitched in a way for Siv to hear.

“I probably shouldn't say,” Peket was murmuring, glancing once over her shoulder, “but you asked so kindly, colleague, and it's not as though it's a secret exactly. Everyone here knows.”

“I would never repeat it,” Shushema responded, warm and solemn, and Siv had to admire the craft of it; she had to be a 7th-order courtesan.

Peket lowered her voice further, forcing Shushema to lean in even closer. “It was a Lady of Honor's visit, a few months back. Our lord was greeting her formally, you understand, using the high register the way Mistress Maevin had drilled into him. He meant to say mlebesh. Please, be seated.”

“Mm,” Shushema encouraged softly.

“He said xil-khebesh instead.”

Shushema's breath caught. “He made such an obvious mistake?”

“Yes,” Peket nodded. “To hint that she should sit lewdly was appalling.”

“What did she do?”

“Went white as a bone. Didn't know if she'd been insulted on purpose or by accident, and for a moment neither did anyone else in the room, because our lord just stood there. Didn't catch it himself. Mistress Maer had to step in and smooth it over, said something about Terran tongues still finding their footing, laughed it off light as anything before it could become a true offense.” Peket shook her head, the motion small and confiding. “Between us, colleague, I don't think it was only the words that slipped. I think for a moment he looked at her the way Terrans do, if you understand me, that was the most uncomfortable part.”

“He's young,” Shushema offered gently. “And Terran. I imagine it's difficult, learning all the rules so quickly.”

“That's exactly it. He tries so hard. I'd never speak ill of him truly; he's a good master to us in the orchards. It's only, well. You can't unlearn where you come from, can you? Not fully.”

“No,” Shushema agreed softly. “I suppose you can't.”

She patted Peket's arm once, let the conversation ease naturally toward the sweet table, and asked no other questions. Why would she? Shushema got exactly what she wanted. Siv set down the vase she'd been holding for far too long and allowed herself a slow breath. Across the room, Peket caught her eye, and Siv gave the smallest nod of approval.

It was done. Now all that remained was seeing if it worked.

---

The great doors of Blue Blossom's foyer stood open to the evening air by the time Countess Nadaela Vanen emerged from her private audience with Henry and Maevin. Whatever had happened in that room, none of it showed on her face.

Siv took her position again at Maevin's side in the receiving line, hands folded, head inclined just enough to be proper. She could feel the tension radiating off her mistress as she stepped beside her.

“We won't be staying the night,” Nadaela said, addressing Henry directly, her crimson eyes unreadable. “I do not want to delay any further.”

Henry's smile faltered for just a fraction of a second before he caught it. “Of course, Countess. I hope the visit was informative.”

“Very.”

Siv kept her eyes lowered and her breath even, watching the small procession begin to assemble near the doors. Shushema fell into step behind Taer with the same easy, unremarkable bearing she'd worn all evening. Nadaela paused at the threshold and looked back once, her gaze sweeping the lines of Blue Blossom maids still bowed, and left.

Siv did not move from her place in line until the party had left. Henry let out a long breath and dragged a hand through his hair. “Well, it could have been worse.”

“It could have, but you held your ground,” Maevin said. The mistress looked in her direction, and Siv gave a nod to let her know she had resolved it. Of course, there would be a report later, but right now, Siv allowed herself to finally breathe.

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Communication is the lifeblood of a healthy marriage. However, effective communication is a learned skill, not an innate talent. It requires active listening, where you focus entirely on understanding your partner's perspective rather than formulating your rebuttal. It also involves using “I” statements to express your feelings without assigning blame. For example, saying “I feel overwhelmed when household chores are uneven” is far more productive than saying “You never help around the house.” Mastering this constructive dialogue prevents defensiveness and keeps conversations solution-focused.

Aligning Values and Long-Term Goals

While opposites may attract, shared core values are what sustain a marriage. Take the time to explicitly discuss your fundamental beliefs about money, religion, parenting, and lifestyle. If one partner values financial security and strict budgeting while the other prioritizes spontaneous travel and flexible spending, friction is guaranteed unless a compromise is reached. Aligning your long-term goals ensures you are moving in the same direction, functioning as a unified team rather than two individuals pulling in opposite directions.

Establishing Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are not walls designed to keep your partner out. They are clear guidelines that teach each other how to treat one another with respect. This includes boundaries around personal time, interactions with extended family, and digital device usage. A proactive couple discusses and honours these boundaries, recognizing that maintaining individual identities and personal space is essential for a healthy, interdependent relationship.

The Value of Professional Guidance

Even the most compatible couples can benefit from an objective, trained perspective. Navigating the transition into marriage involves unpacking past experiences, family dynamics, and personal insecurities that can subtly influence your new relationship.

Participating in structured Marriage Preparation Workshops in Ottawa provides couples with a safe, guided environment to explore these critical topics. These workshops are designed to equip you with evidence-based tools for conflict resolution, financial planning, and intimacy building. Learning these skills alongside other couples normalizes the challenges of marriage and provides a supportive community, ensuring you enter your union with confidence and a shared roadmap for the future.

Sustaining the Foundation Over Time

Building a strong marital foundation is not a one-time task. It is an ongoing practice that requires consistent maintenance and a willingness to adapt as you both grow and change over the years.

Make it a habit to conduct regular relationship check-ins. Dedicate time each week to discuss what is working well, what needs improvement, and how you can better support each other. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, and approach setbacks with a mindset of curiosity rather than criticism.

Furthermore, recognize that individual mental health directly impacts relationship health. If personal stress, anxiety, or unresolved past trauma begins to affect your marriage, addressing it promptly is crucial. Consulting a licensed psychologist in Ottawa can provide you with personalized strategies to manage individual challenges, which in turn removes roadblocks to intimacy and connection within your marriage. Professional support ensures you have the right resources to maintain a healthy, balanced partnership.

Conclusion

A strong marital foundation does not happen by accident. It is the result of intentional, proactive effort from both partners. By prioritizing open communication, aligning your core values, establishing healthy boundaries, and seeking professional guidance when needed, you can build a relationship that is both resilient and deeply fulfilling. Do not wait for a crisis to invest in your marriage. Take proactive steps today to nurture your partnership, and enjoy the profound rewards of a love that is built to last a lifetime.

Therapists dedicate their lives to holding space for the pain, trauma, and struggles of others. While this work is deeply rewarding, it carries a profound emotional weight that can slowly erode a practitioner's mental health. Burnout in the mental health field is not merely a result of working too many hours. It is a complex state of emotional, physical, and psychological exhaustion caused by prolonged exposure to the suffering of clients. To sustain a long and impactful career, therapists must prioritize their own well-being. Clinical supervision is one of the most powerful, evidence-based tools available to prevent burnout and protect the practitioner.

Understanding the Unique Pressures of Therapeutic Work

To understand why supervision is an absolute necessity, we must first examine the unique occupational hazards inherent in providing psychotherapy on a daily basis.

The Weight of Emotional Labor

Every single session requires intense cognitive and emotional engagement. Therapists must practice active listening, regulate their own nervous systems, and formulate clinical interventions in real time. They hold hope for clients who feel entirely hopeless and track complex narratives across dozens of different lives each week. This constant state of high alert and empathetic attunement drains psychological resources. Over time, without adequate processing time, this emotional labor accumulates, leading to a profound sense of detachment and chronic fatigue.

Vicarious Trauma and Compassion Fatigue

Listening to detailed accounts of abuse, grief, and severe anxiety can fundamentally alter a therapist's worldview. Vicarious trauma occurs when the practitioner begins to internalize the traumatic material shared by their clients, leading to symptoms that mimic post-traumatic stress. Compassion fatigue is the resulting physical and emotional depletion that diminishes the therapist's ability to empathize. Left unaddressed, these conditions severely compromise both the clinician's personal health and the quality of client care.

What Clinical Supervision Actually Entails

Many professionals mistakenly believe that supervision is only required for students or unlicensed trainees. In reality, ongoing consultation is a hallmark of ethical, high-quality practice at every single career stage.

A Safe Space for Professional Reflection

Supervision provides a dedicated, confidential environment where therapists can step back from their heavy caseload and examine their clinical work objectively. It is a collaborative relationship focused on professional development, case conceptualization, and emotional processing. Unlike venting to a friend or partner, supervision is structured and clinically focused, ensuring that the therapist's internal reactions are explored safely and constructively without breaching client confidentiality.

Moving Beyond Administrative Oversight

While administrative tasks are part of the job, effective clinical supervision goes far beyond reviewing paperwork or checking billing hours. It delves into the therapeutic alliance, countertransference, and the therapist's internal emotional landscape. This deep level of inquiry is what makes supervision a potent antidote to professional isolation and chronic burnout.

How Supervision Directly Combats Burnout

The mechanisms through which supervision protects mental health professionals are both highly practical and deeply psychological.

Normalizing the Emotional Toll

Isolation is a primary driver of burnout. Therapists often work alone behind closed doors, carrying the heavy secrets and burdens of their clients. Supervision breaks this isolation wide open. When a supervisor validates the difficulty of a complex case or normalizes a therapist's feelings of inadequacy, it immediately reduces shame and anxiety. Knowing that a seasoned colleague understands your exact struggles provides immense psychological relief and prevents the downward spiral of self-doubt.

Refining Clinical Boundaries

Burnout frequently stems from poor boundaries, such as taking on too many high-acuity clients, answering emails late at night, or overextending emotionally during sessions. A supervisor acts as an objective mirror, helping the therapist identify where their boundaries are slipping. Many therapists feel immense guilt when saying no to new clients or taking a vacation. Supervision helps reframe self-care not as a luxury, but as a strict ethical mandate. By establishing firmer limits around their time and emotional energy, therapists can preserve their capacity to care without depleting themselves entirely.

Integrating Supervision into Your Professional Routine

Making supervision a consistent part of your schedule requires intentionality and a firm commitment to your own professional longevity. Finding a supervisor who aligns with your theoretical orientation and communication style is crucial. You need someone who challenges you intellectually while providing a supportive, nonjudgmental environment.

Seeking out specialized Clinical Supervision in Ottawa can connect you with experienced mentors who understand the specific demands of your local practice landscape. These experts can provide tailored guidance to help you navigate complex clinical dilemmas, manage your caseload effectively, and build a sustainable private practice that prioritizes your mental health just as much as your clients.

Long-Term Career Sustainability

Preventing burnout is not a one-time intervention but a continuous practice of professional hygiene. As you progress in your career, your supervision needs will naturally evolve. You may transition from individual supervision to peer consultation groups, which offer diverse perspectives and shared wisdom from colleagues facing similar challenges. Maintaining a connection to the broader clinical community keeps you engaged, inspired, and grounded in your purpose.

Furthermore, cultivating compassion satisfaction is vital. This is the positive feeling you get from helping others, which serves as a direct buffer against burnout. Supervision helps you reconnect with your core values and celebrate your clinical victories, no matter how small they may seem. If you ever feel that your own mental health is being compromised by your caseload, consulting a licensed psychologist in Ottawa for personal therapy is a vital complementary step. Personal therapy and clinical supervision work hand in hand to ensure you remain a healthy, effective, and resilient healer.

Conclusion

Therapist burnout is a pervasive issue in the mental health field, but it is not an inevitable occupational hazard. By recognizing the profound emotional labor of psychotherapy and committing to regular clinical supervision, practitioners can actively safeguard their well-being. Supervision offers a vital lifeline, transforming isolation into connection and uncertainty into clinical confidence. Protecting your own mental health is the most ethical and effective way to ensure you can continue providing exceptional care to those who need it most. Invest in your supervision, honor your personal limits, and build a sustainable career that honors both your clients and yourself.

Blending two families into one cohesive unit is a beautiful yet complex journey. It brings together different histories, routines, and parenting styles, creating a rich tapestry of relationships. However, the transition is rarely seamless. Children may feel caught in loyalty conflicts, and adults might struggle to find their footing in new family dynamics. Creating a unified home requires patience, empathy, and intentional effort. By implementing proven strategies, you can navigate these challenges and build a supportive, harmonious environment where everyone feels valued and secure.

Understanding the Dynamics of a Blended Family

The foundation of a successful blended family lies in understanding the unique psychological and emotional landscape it creates. Unlike first-time families, blended families must integrate existing bonds while forging new ones.

Navigating Complex Emotions and Loyalties

Children in blended families often experience a whirlwind of emotions. They may feel excitement about new siblings but also harbor deep sadness or anger about the loss of their original family structure. A common challenge is the loyalty bind, where a child feels that liking or respecting a new stepparent is a betrayal of their biological parent. Recognizing that these feelings are normal and valid is the first step toward helping children process them healthily.

The Myth of the Instant Bond

Popular culture often portrays blended families coming together instantly and effortlessly. In reality, building trust and affection takes time. Expecting an immediate connection between stepchildren and stepparents sets everyone up for disappointment and frustration. It is far more realistic and healthy to aim for mutual respect and civility in the early stages, allowing genuine affection to develop organically over months or even years.

Core Strategies for Building a Unified Home

Creating harmony in a blended family requires deliberate action and consistent communication. These foundational strategies can help smooth the transition and establish a strong family culture.

Establish Consistent and United Parenting Rules

One of the most significant sources of friction in blended families is inconsistent discipline. Children may test boundaries or play one parent against the other if rules differ drastically between households or between biological parents and stepparents. It is crucial for the adult couple to present a united front. Discuss and agree upon core household rules, expectations, and consequences privately before enforcing them. In the beginning, it is often most effective for the biological parent to take the lead on discipline, while the stepparent focuses on building a positive, supportive relationship with the child.

Create New Family Traditions and Rituals

While it is important to respect and maintain some traditions from the children's past, creating new, shared rituals helps forge a unique identity for the blended family. This could be a weekly game night, a special Sunday morning breakfast, or an annual camping trip. These new traditions provide predictable, positive touchpoints that everyone can look forward to, fostering a sense of belonging and shared history.

Prioritize the Couple's Relationship

The romantic relationship is the anchor of the blended family. If the partnership is strong, the entire family system is more stable. However, the demands of parenting, managing schedules, and navigating ex-partner dynamics can easily consume all your time and energy. Make it a non-negotiable priority to schedule regular date nights and dedicated time for just the two of you. A secure, connected partnership models healthy relationship dynamics for the children and provides the emotional resilience needed to weather family storms.

Supporting Children Through the Transition

Children are the most vulnerable members of a blending family. Supporting their emotional needs is paramount to the success of the new household.

Validate Their Feelings Without Judgment

Create an environment where children feel safe expressing their frustrations, sadness, or confusion. When a child says, “I hate it here,” or “You are not my real dad,” try not to react defensively. Instead, validate the underlying emotion. You might respond with, “I hear that you are feeling really frustrated right now, and that is okay.” This approach de-escalates conflict and shows the child that their feelings are respected, even if their behavior needs redirection.

Allow Time for One-on-One Bonding

In a busy blended household, children can easily feel lost in the shuffle. Carve out dedicated one-on-one time for each parent to spend with their biological children, as well as for stepparents to engage in low-pressure activities with stepchildren. This individual attention reassures children that they have not been replaced and helps build unique, positive connections between all family members.

The Role of Professional Support in Family Blending

Even with the best intentions, blended families can hit roadblocks that feel impossible to navigate alone. Deep-seated resentment, severe behavioral issues in children, or ongoing conflict with an ex-partner can stall the family's progress.

This is where external guidance becomes invaluable. Engaging in Family Therapy in Ottawa provides a neutral, structured space for all family members to voice their concerns safely. A skilled therapist can help identify unhealthy communication patterns, facilitate difficult conversations, and equip the family with practical tools to build trust and cooperation. Therapy is not a sign of failure. It is a proactive investment in the long-term health and happiness of your new family unit.

Building Long-Term Resilience and Harmony

Blending a family is not a project with a definitive end date. It is an ongoing process of adaptation and growth. As children age, their needs and the family dynamics will inevitably shift.

To build long-term resilience, maintain open lines of communication. Hold regular family meetings where everyone, regardless of age, has a chance to share their thoughts and contribute to household decisions. Continue to educate yourselves on the unique challenges of stepfamilies through books, workshops, or support groups.

If you find that the stress of blending is taking a toll on your individual mental health, seeking support from a licensed psychologist in Ottawa can provide you with personalized coping strategies. Taking care of your own emotional well-being ensures you have the patience, energy, and clarity required to lead your family with compassion and strength.

Conclusion

Blending families is a profound journey that requires time, grace, and unwavering commitment. By understanding the unique dynamics at play, establishing consistent rules, creating new traditions, and prioritizing both the couple's bond and the children's emotional needs, you can lay the groundwork for a deeply connected home. Remember that progress is often gradual, and setbacks are a normal part of the process. With patience, empathy, and the right support, your blended family can evolve into a resilient, loving, and unified sanctuary for everyone involved.

They let us out but

Wouldn't let them in

So we said Fuck It

and went somewhere better instead.

I had lost my own echo

No-one left to teach me to listen.

I would sing but

the hills

would never sing back.

La disparition de shieko

19 septembre 2026

On nage en plein drame sentimental : la copine de midori se marie ! Midori est ravagée. Du coup on a passé un long moment avec elle, yôko et hayame, pour la calmer, Pour finir on l'a emmenée avec nous à la maison. On lui a donné un truc tranquillisant, je connais on m'en a bourré il y a longtemps, et mes psy m'avaient fait une ordonnance au cas où. Elle dort maintenant et nous on va en faire autant. Demain il pleut alors on sait pas ce qu'on va faire On va la garder avec nous pour le week-end de toute façon on va pas la lâcher dans la nature dans cet état. On improvisera. Je sais pas si elle doit travailler lundi On verra ça.

On a midori avec nous. Il y a des choses bizarres dans cette histoire, on n'y croit pas. Shieko ne simule pas son attachement, elle est sincère, c'est pas pour se marier sans crier gare. Et puis elle a disparu en laissant juste une lettre glaciale, signée avec son hanko. Ça va pas du tout. Son téléphone ne répond pas. Son frère m'a envoyée chier. Elle n'est pas allée au travail, sans prévenir. Tout ça ne lui ressemble absolument pas.

---

20 septembre 2026

La maman de shieko voulait aller voir les flics, on est toutes allées avec elle, il faut que ce soit dans un poste correspondant à son domicile Faut pas que A soit mêlée à ça, elle est restée dehors avec hayame. On a attendu un long moment puis un jeune type nous a reçues toutes. Il a servi le truc standard… vous savez gnangnan un coup de tête, vous allez recevoir des cartes de Okinawa gnagna… Bref il a pris quand même la lettre, la déposition de sa maman et nous comme témoins. Le truc habituel : – vous êtes de la famille de ... ? – c'était mon père Je ne sais pas si ça donne du poids, mais il a ravalé son sourire supérieur. Ça a duré une heure quand même. Il nous a dit qu'ils vont voir, ils tiennent au courant la maman. Je m'étends pas c'est l'essentiel pour la journée. On rentre à la maison avec midori. On est toutes crevées.

---

Ce matin la police m'a appelée, ils voulaient mon témoignage et celui de midori encore. En fait le flic hier a soupçonné tout de suite quelque chose. On ne laisse pas sa lettre sous la porte quand on quitte un appartement. Puis il a demandé à la maman de shieko des exemplaires de son écriture, elle a envoyé par fax (midori n'a pas de lettres). Ce n'est pas son écriture à 90% Même si c’est bien son hanko. Elle l'avait en partant au travail, elle l'a toujours dans son sac. Du coup ils ont vérifié son ex : il n'est pas venu au travail depuis jeudi. Sa voiture n'est plus au parking de la résidence. Ils mont demandé de l'identifier sur les photos de son dossier de permis de conduire. C'est bien celui que j'avais vu avec shieko.

Du coup il y a un avis de recherche pour enlèvement et séquestration. La voiture est recherchée mais c'est un modèle ultra courant. Il avait averti son entreprise qu'il ne viendrait pas, il se sentait pas bien, il suspectait le covid. Il avait donc prévu son sale coup. On craint le pire maintenant.

---

Midori est couchée, ma princesse la berce. On est toutes crevées, on ne dort pas bien, forcément, et on ne mange pas non plus. Demain j'emmène midori à l'hôpital, mes psy sont des types super, ils acceptent de la voir en urgence, on peut pas continuer à lui donner mes médocs même si ça la calme. Hier au soir, elle était couchée entre nous deux, elle m'a dit au collège elle rêvait d'être un jour couchée avec moi, elle n'aurait jamais imaginé que ça se passerait comme ça.

---

On est désespérées on ne croit pas qu'ils vont la retrouver vivante. C'est affreux quand ça vous arrive. Asu a proposé d'emmener midori dans la maison de ses parents à la montagne. Elle a des textes à lire, ça changera rien pour elle. Ça nous arrange, nous on reprend le travail mardi. J'ai pas donné mes cours samedi déjà, ce sont les garçons qui ont fait des entraînements, c'est super gentil, et A doit passer dans son service. Je ne sais pas comment on se serait arrangées, parce que la vie continue. Quelle merde. Je vais essayer de dormir maintenant

---

Midori est sortie de l'hôpital avec un certificat pour son travail et une ordonnance. On est allées manger. J'étais affamée, j'ai englouti 2 bols de ramen devant les yeux ronds du patron. On est rentrées, on attend Asu qui vient chercher mido en auto. Et je vais dormir, je suis épuisée.

J'hésite entre désespoir et le retour d'une rage intense et dévorante. Me reviennent des souvenirs, des visages, des mains que je croyais avoir oubliés. J'ai rendez-vous jeudi avec mes psys à mon tour. Je suis désolée de vous planter là aujourd'hui, mais demain je reprends mes cours, il faut que au moins je sois capable de tenir debout. Vous êtes adorables et à la hauteur, merci énormément.

---

21 septembre 2026

Forcément on s’est réveillées On a dormi plus de 6 h On avait faim je crois c'est ça qui nous a réveillées. Mido et asu sont parties pour la montagne. Asu va bien s'occuper d'elle. Vous savez je lis vos messages d'espoir… est ce que c’est parce qu'on est Japonaises ? Élevées à jamais se plaindre et jamais espérer rien pour nous, mais nous on n'espère pas de revoir notre shieko chan. On accepte la fatalité Elle a disparu depuis 5 jours !

Ce mec il ne l'a pas enlevée comme ça, elle se sera pas laissée faire on est sûres qu'elle s'est défendue et donc j'arrive pas à écrire la suite mais c'est forcé. Les hommes sont des bêtes féroces. Je suis désolée de penser ça pardonnez-moi. Ma mémoire me renvoie des images, des souvenirs que j'avais réussi à enfouir. Ma colère est immense, j'espère vous m'excuserez. Merci de vos gentillesses. On va se recoucher maintenant en espérant dormir Réveil 5:30 demain matin

---

22 septembre 2026

Je ne suis pas trop en forme je ne vais pas m'étendre. On attend, c'est ça le pire. Attendre on ne sait pas quoi. Si, on sait bien : la confirmation du pire. 100 000 japonaises et japonais de tous âges disparaissent tous les ans, souvent de leur volonté, parfois pas. Alors on sait qu'à un moment la police ne cherche même plus.

La maman de shieko vient de m'appeler. La voiture de l´ex a été retrouvée sur le parking de la forêt de aokigahara. Ça ne vous dit rien mais nous ça nous dit tout. On la surnomme la forêt des pendus. On y retrouve des centaines de suicidés chaque année. Quand on les retrouve. C'est immense, je crois presque 40km carrés J'attends les détails. La voiture est vide.

---

J'ai pas trop de courage pour pouetter mais vous êtes tellement là, et si gentils faut que je vous remercie collectivement. On n'a pas de précisions. Ils vérifient les bandes des caméras de surveillance, c'est long. Faut remonter à jeudi ou vendredi dernier, on ne sait pas. La voiture est vide, pas de papiers, pas de traces visibles, rien, comme si ce salaud voulait tout effacer.

Je suis persuadée qu'il voulait se venger de shieko, de l'avoir quitté, en plus pour une femme. Reste à espérer qu'on retrouve au moins son corps, c'est horrible à dire. Mido chan n'est pas encore au courant. Moi demain matin je vais travailler, jeudi je vais voir mes psys, là je demande de l'aide, je tourne enragée. Encore je vous remercie.

you on top of me  from behind our bodies close  energies running through us energies uniting two bodies into one together we are a creature a beast marching forward towards the light 

Publicat la 19 iunie 2013

De vreo treizeci de ani nu am reușit să ajung, într-un fel sau altul, prin Dragoslavele, județul Argeș, ca să recitesc îndemnul de pe Școala cu clasele I–VIII.

Dar Google face asta în locul meu, prin intermediul Street View.

Iată și îndemnul despre care vorbeam:

„Voiește și vei putea! Luminează-te și vei fi!”

New on YouTube and the National Press Club web site: The new Update-1 podcast with veteran photojournalist Ken Hawkins, enhanced with a synchronized slideshow of his photos. Hawkins is a participant in this year's NPC members photo exhibit, continuing through 30 Sept.

In the podcast and video, Hawkins tells about some of the photos he’s showing in this year’s NPC members exhibit, as well as memorable experiences from decades covering Jimmy Carter starting with his election as governor or Georgia. Hawkins also describes his current support for a new school in eastern Kenya, with photos from recent visits to that country.

Update-1 is the official podcast of the National Press Club, with Hawkins’s interview conducted by NPC Broadcast-Podcast co-chair Adam Konowe. The podcast audio with Ken Hawkins was first posted on 12 Sept. TechNewsLit CEO Alan Kotok produced the podcast+slideshow video.

Copyright © Technology News and Literature. All rights reserved.

Classes today were... interesting. That's really the best I can say about them. I dislike being disappointed, but I am very much so disappointed.

I don't know what I was expecting exactly, but it wasn't that. Though the least important of the disappointments, why in the world would anyone wanting people to pay attention choose to use an AI voice? A piss poor one at that. Especially when it's a pretty important subject matter.

Color me boggled.

In other news, I started a poem yesterday, but then I got distracted. The poetry moment has passed. Maybe I'll come back to it later, but that's not really my style. Instead I'm going to post the first stanza along with the words I chose to start the first line of each following stanza. The last stanza would refrain the first. It'd be pretty awesome if I'd finish it, but it will most likely end up in the garbage.

Boooo, me!

lark covets the embrace of embalming in my nether a host of creepy, crawling tendrils excavating caution's tether ground on friction-sold constrictions impersonating hearse-strewn blether, lark covets the embrace of embalming in my nether

clot, spite, bliss, brood, lurch, clutch

© 2026 AnOublietteofThought. All rights reserved.

I was sat on the ground, harvesting potatoes. That sunflower really did tower above me as I did, and higher above still, the sun shone pleasantly.

I have been working, like Spider-Man I have been jumping between kubernetes clusters and what else is there?

I have been trying to write, but it’s like I have to penetrate this bubble of nausea each time, did that ever happen to you?

It’s like a dumpster in the head, feels like sifting through garbage, something smells unpleasantly, and it’s all me! All of these things up there!

But to enter into the sun, and focus a little bit on these potatoes, like a treasure hunt, taking pleasure in the sun, shining indiscriminately.

Or sitting inside with that coffee cup, pretending to be spider man like that, when everyone knows that’s not true,

But what else can I do?

I really get it, why people say not to dwell on the past,

But I can’t do that, I’m no coward

For God’s sake, I’m pretending to be spider man!

Newly arrived this week on CD: Scraps at Midnight by Mark Lanegan (1998) and To Tulsa and Back (2004) by JJ Cale. I’ve written before about the roundabout way I came to be a Lanegan fan. I’d owned an 3-LP compilation of his music for some years before I started picking up some of his individual albums on CD. Scraps at Midnight joins Bubblegum, Field Songs, I'll Take Care Of You and Imitations on my shelves. It’s predominantly a low-key and reflective record, in part a product of the singer’s then on-going struggle with addiction. ‘Last One in the World’, for instance, is a heartfelt number about his friend Layne Staley, whose own addiction and mental-health problems had at that time brought about a retreat into seclusion. Only the closing number Because of This is more uptempo and, perhaps for that reason, it feels a little out of place.

My history with JJ Cale goes back further. I have a 3-CD compilation of his J.J. Cale – Collected on which a couple of his 21st century tracks struck me as particularly good: ‘Stone River’ and ‘The Problem’. The booklet notes informed me that these had both been taken from To Tulsa and Back, so I made a mental note to check out the rest of that record at some point — a time which has at last arrived. It is a fine album: a “late career highlight” in a nutshell. In some of the lyrics there are signs of an environmental & political awareness that had seemed less in evidence in his ‘70s heyday. The subtle rhythms, elegant guitar work and vivid production work, meanwhile, are as good here as they ever were.

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The striking cover of Scraps at Midnight comprises some details from ‘Jazz Funeral For Didi’, a 1994 work in stained glass by the artist Judith Shaechter. I recall admiring Schaechter’s art on her web-site over twenty years ago — alas I have still yet to see any of it in person. Checking back on her site for the first time in decades I’m delighted to see she’s still producing marvellous work.

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The only book I finished this week was a pre-loved volume of the Complete Poems of Marianne Moore. This was partly a re-read as a few years back I’d obtained a copy of her 1969 Selected Poems. “For me there’s something reminiscent of a fine jeweller’s sharp-eyed precision in the way she fits her words together into elaborate settings as if they were so many semi-precious stones – all to suitably sparkling effect” is what I wrote on that occasion. I found little more that seemed essential in this Complete set over the earlier Selected one, but I nevertheless enjoyed revisiting Moore’s lapidary verse.

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Cheese of the week is Spenwood “a well-developed, nutty flavour with elements of sweet and savoury and a supple texture” (says the website) from the makers of the excellent Wigmore, which is also made with sheep’s milk. To me Spenwood seems to fall somewhere interesting between a mellow Manchego and the less piquant sorts of Pecorino.

The Triangular Book makes three promises: to recover what is lost beneath the sea, to find what lies hidden in the earth, and the famous one – to prolong life to a century and beyond, with the freshness of fifty.

The first two promises come with a hard condition: you may work them only when the sun, the earth and the moon stand in conjunction on the same line and in the same plane. Three bodies on one line, in one plane – that is an eclipse, and an eclipse may not come round for years.

The third promise offers a way out. For long life, the book says, you may work at any other time – but only if you wear on you a figure like the one shown here.

The talisman offers freedom from the timing constraint: it is your own portable eclipse, available any time. At the top, the sun. Below it, a crescent moon. Between and around them a course of small stars, strung on a single vertical line the pen never quite draws but the eye can feel – the same line the text demands the three bodies stand on. It is the alignment made portable: an eclipse worn on the body, so the third work need not wait for the real one in the sky.

The French draws the geometry and never uses the word eclipse. But three bodies on a line and in a plane is what an eclipse is, and the figure sets the sun, the moon and a plumb line down in exactly that arrangement.

Next: the two red arcs that curve around the figure, which spell something, and point back at the sky.