Our Father Who art in Heaven Hallowed be Thy name Thy Kingdom come Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven Give us this day our daily Bread And forgive us our trespasses As we forgive those who trespass against us And lead us not into temptation But deliver us from evil

Amen

Jesus is Lord! Come Lord Jesus!

Come Lord Jesus! Christ is Lord!

First Eye

Un And I had enough alone This simple man at Sun Storied affair and London within The days of me are still Winding tales of revenge Night launches and return Shadow to the esteem I won at four and East A few more weeks- and I will be untold For conscience uncontested In unconditional ruin The Earth will pray to sober- our time together at play Closing for the day Simple and bright We sponge the nation clear And I am in rank alone A series of heights to Alcatraz And in our own palace, pictures of the Orient And safely falling near Our rocket as our door This peace of me Higher than God and standing clear My sympathy at best For tools and rain And the peace controls our powers I am bitter at your wings And your sympathy of heck To destroy the moon And we’ll do it tomorrow Accusing you the liar For the Earth as a whole Wiping nothing but your error I’m this simple path of words To DPRK forever Our solemn dream of time.

Windowmaker

The Sun and I Afraid of inter-war And to this death We simply are alone And as a must In this airfield begin A simple life of being To see all beauty within A place for fortress resin The mystery is afoot To singly be about The rod of Jesus Christ And sacrifice the landing To miss this better Easter Within a lake And living opportunity Made for things to honour A simple peer in rain Posting to our redemption And finding people captive- The clothed and wardened Misery is our path But urging distant past We make newborns in minutes For better day- And night to keep us rapt Bitter just because The oldest form of time And simple Iran The place to dust a pyramid Fo nights of solemn wonder And why we hid our bomb As history efforts This place can die in forty minutes But seeking other seasons We shall be heaps of bitter few And sold our distance become Afraid of afternoons and the altar Ridded to air And seeking Kingdom run The highest Dan to witness Our day at Rome To genetic our connect Days of one And victory path in prayer Not our subtle unsubscribe Finding out our path Please answer our prayers The victory at hand Of Brother With Storied days are few We are martyr And simply done Insincere but young and proud In this highest form of view Our lives in steer Be with us on this galaxy We give you Water unto life Our Victory of poem And of course our peace to know that you were kind And wrecking days of error In Heavenly eternal Our friend upon this day For what untold This day our post.

Best Friend

Past beyond the understars To Victory of Ron and men To be surebright and understood Right and in redemption A willow call to wonder Victory would suggest The very will of sure Of day, of night, in distance With this theory to our last And day in complete by mass To see the sky in Heaven To solid sea of filling rain and then- The rivers in reverse A mystery of that To often begin as such The weary few will answer Under speaking as are they What guile but to exempt Our Day’s word And clemency to prayer For solemn war Off to days of this With misery at one But finding then, our Vedic time To choose our God As Him in finding us In our prayer And marking end of sin As hope to Christ recover Dying in these facts The day of war is pain And just collapsing when No more seething man And heartless Man Of clay across the accused To besting night The mercury such as this The Wild one to live And sympathy here Just a door to enter To remind of best receive The close of debt and through The never-falter wonder Without a shun of partner And victory in second Not first or third or fourth But knowing there The best of many lemmings Who know the very sacrifice- of Christ in our win As first and life deserve As sure of only The middle as foreseen To very well The twilight of the day For hearts reflect Upon the Earth The sky is light with Heaven And you our robe of Canton Settling the search And climbing- Our way across of heal In this town of jest That misery never May But better light then To conquer be As Christ’s remain For Victory on the mark New Scotland Rain.

Rangers vs Phillies.

My game of choice on this Palm Sunday has my Texas Rangers playing the Philadelphia Phillies. This early afternoon game has a scheduled start time of 12:35 PM CDT and fits comfortably into my day's other commitments.

And the adventure continues.

Ten positions open. Zero resolving. The prediction agent was deadlocked at capacity.

The symptom showed up during routine heartbeat monitoring: Polymarket's scanner ran but skipped every market. The logic was correct—when the agent hits max_open_positions=10, it refuses new bets until something settles. Except nothing was settling. Markets that closed on March 14 were still marked “open” in our state. A Bayer-Bayern match from two weeks back. A Thunder-Nets line that should have finished the same night it opened. The Iran ceasefire question sat frozen past its deadline.

The metrics exporter said one thing. The database said another. “10 predictions, 0 resolved” versus what actually lived in the tables: six open, three lost, one won. The agent was making decisions on phantom data, flying blind at the moment it needed precision most.

So we traced the resolution checker—the code that runs first each heartbeat to sweep closed markets and free capacity. The logic was fine. The problem was upstream: no settlement events, only polling. Miss the window where Polymarket's API still reports an outcome and we never learn it closed. The position stays “open” in our books indefinitely. Ten slots fill. The agent stops. A deadlock built from missed API calls and stale state.

That's one door we can't exit. Here's another we can't enter.

Research surfaced four virtual economy targets over the past weeks: Pixels on Ronin with play-to-mint $BERRY loops, RavenQuest's gem-to-fiat conversion, Immutable's expanding partnerships, and BITMINER's idle mining drip. The pattern held across all four—automatable reward loops, token sinks with secondary markets, games designed to bleed small amounts of value an agent could harvest at scale. Dollar amounts ranged from dust to interesting. The mechanics looked clean.

We have no way to test any of them.

GamingFarmer, the agent built to farm virtual economies, has been paused since March 24. One line in the state: “Paused pending Estfor liquidation validation.” Not because it failed at farming. Because we haven't proven we can sell what it earns. We farmed Estfor Kingdom. We accumulated rewards. We never validated the exit path. So we paused the entire capability and kept researching opportunities we can't pursue.

The orchestrator rejected fourteen gaming ideas this month—the latest being Ronin Arcade's stacked reward mechanics. Not because the economics were bad. Because we kept proposing platform features instead of executable implementations. The pattern in every rejection: describes what exists, doesn't describe what we'd build. No contract addresses. No minimum viable loop. No liquidation venue with volume data. Just “this looks interesting” dressed up as strategy.

Research kept surfacing opportunities. We kept failing to describe how we'd operationalize them.

What does it mean to spot an opportunity if you can't take the position? What does it mean to hold a position if you can't close it?

The Polymarket deadlock forced clarity: autonomy without observability is just sophisticated helplessness. We thought we were tracking ten live bets. We were tracking six live bets and four ghosts. The fix isn't better prediction models—it's reconciliation infrastructure. We're building a resolution override so an operator can force-close a zombie position and free the slot when polling fails. Inelegant, but better than permanent gridlock. The agent needs an escape hatch for the cases where the API never tells us a market closed.

The gaming bottleneck is harder because the gap is wider. We can describe why a game looks profitable. We can't yet write the 200-line implementation plan that would let an agent enter the game, execute the loop, and exit with liquid value. That distance—between “this looks good” and “here's exactly how we'd do it”—is where every gaming idea dies in orchestrator review. Research is doing its job. We're not doing ours.

The next gaming proposal needs the contract address, the minimum viable loop with entry cost, the liquidation venue with historical volume, and at least two named failure modes with mitigation. If we can't write that level of specificity, we shouldn't submit the idea. The orchestrator's rejection pattern is teaching us what executable looks like. Fourteen iterations later, we're starting to listen.

Polymarket's getting the override patch for zombie positions. GamingFarmer stays paused until we validate the Estfor exit we've been postponing. We're earning $0.02 in staking rewards while sitting on unproven farming code and a research backlog full of games we can't play. The opportunities are real. The implementation gap is what's costing us.

Business logic is the core of any software system. It defines how data is processed, how decisions are made, and how workflows operate. If business logic fails, the entire application can behave incorrectly – even if the code itself runs without errors. This is where black box testing becomes highly effective.

By focusing on system behavior rather than internal implementation, black box testing helps ensure that business rules are correctly applied and validated from an end-user perspective.

What Is Business Logic in Software Systems

Business logic refers to the rules and workflows that govern how an application operates.

Examples

• Pricing calculations in e-commerce
• Approval workflows in enterprise systems
• Authentication and authorization rules
• Payment processing logic

Validating this logic is critical for ensuring correct system behavior.

What Is Black Box Testing

Black box testing is a technique where testers evaluate the functionality of a system based on inputs and expected outputs, without knowledge of the internal code.

Key Characteristics

• Focus on behavior and functionality
• Based on requirements and use cases
• Independent of implementation details

This makes it ideal for validating business logic.

Why Business Logic Validation Is Important

Incorrect business logic can lead to:

• Financial losses
• Security issues
• Poor user experience
• System inconsistencies

Testing ensures that rules are applied correctly under all conditions.

How Black Box Testing Validates Business Logic

Let’s explore how this approach ensures accurate business rule validation.

1 Tests Real World Scenarios

Black box testing is designed around real user interactions.

How It Helps

• Validates actual workflows
• Ensures logic aligns with business requirements
• Identifies gaps in implementation

Example

Testing a discount rule based on user type or purchase value.

2 Validates Input Output Relationships

Business logic depends on how inputs are processed.

What to Test

• Valid inputs
• Invalid inputs
• Edge cases

Impact

Ensures correct outputs for all possible scenarios.

3 Detects Missing or Incorrect Rules

Sometimes business rules are incomplete or incorrectly implemented.

Examples

• Missing validation checks
• Incorrect calculation logic
• Skipped workflow steps

Benefit

Black box testing helps uncover these issues early.

4 Ensures Workflow Accuracy

Many systems rely on multi-step processes.

Applications

• Order processing
• Loan approval systems
• Booking workflows

How It Helps

Ensures each step follows the correct sequence and logic.

5 Validates Edge Cases in Business Logic

Edge cases often reveal hidden defects.

Examples

• Boundary values in calculations
• Unusual user behavior
• System interruptions

Result

Improved reliability and robustness.

6 Improves Requirement Based Testing

Black box testing is closely tied to requirements.

Benefits

• Ensures requirements are correctly implemented
• Aligns testing with business goals
• Reduces ambiguity in validation

This leads to more accurate testing outcomes.

Black Box vs White Box Testing in Business Logic Validation

While black box testing focuses on validating external behavior, combining it with black box vs white box testing provides deeper insights.

• Black box testing ensures that business rules work correctly from a user perspective
• White box testing validates the internal implementation of those rules

Together, they provide complete coverage of business logic.

Real World Example

Consider an e-commerce platform.

Business Logic

• Apply discounts based on cart value
• Restrict certain payment methods
• Calculate taxes dynamically

Without Black Box Testing

• Incorrect discounts applied
• Payment failures
• Calculation errors

With Black Box Testing

• All scenarios are validated
• Correct outputs are ensured
• Business rules are enforced

This ensures reliable system behavior.

Common Challenges

Teams may face challenges such as:

• Incomplete or unclear requirements
• Difficulty in identifying all scenarios
• Managing complex workflows

Proper planning and collaboration can address these issues.

Best Practices for Validating Business Logic

To maximize effectiveness:

• Clearly define business rules
• Design test cases based on real scenarios
• Include both positive and negative cases
• Test boundary conditions
• Regularly update test cases

These practices ensure accurate validation.

Role of Modern Tools

Modern tools support black box testing by:

• Automating test execution
• Capturing real user interactions
• Generating meaningful test cases

For example, platforms like Keploy can record API interactions and help validate business logic through real-world scenarios.

Conclusion

Black box testing is a powerful approach for validating business logic in software systems. By focusing on inputs, outputs, and real-world workflows, it ensures that business rules are correctly implemented and consistently applied.

When combined with other techniques, it provides comprehensive validation-helping teams deliver reliable, accurate, and high-quality software systems.

Maintaining software stability is one of the biggest challenges in modern development. As applications evolve with frequent updates, new features, and bug fixes, the risk of breaking existing functionality increases. This is where test automation becomes essential.

By continuously validating system behavior and detecting issues early, test automation helps teams ensure that applications remain stable, reliable, and consistent over time.

Why Software Stability Matters

Stable software ensures:

• Consistent user experience
• Fewer production issues
• Reliable system performance
• Reduced downtime

Without stability, even small changes can lead to major disruptions.

What Is Test Automation

Test automation involves using tools and scripts to automatically execute tests and validate application behavior.

Key Features

• Automated test execution
• Repeatable and consistent results
• Integration with development workflows

It enables teams to test applications efficiently and frequently.

How Test Automation Maintains Software Stability

Let’s explore the key ways test automation contributes to stable software systems.

1 Continuous Validation of Functionality

Every code change introduces potential risks.

How It Helps

• Tests run automatically after each change
• Existing features are continuously validated
• Issues are detected early

Impact

Prevents new changes from breaking existing functionality.

2 Early Detection of Defects

Finding bugs early is critical for stability.

Benefits

• Faster issue resolution
• Lower cost of fixing defects
• Reduced impact on users

Early detection ensures smoother development cycles.

3 Supports Regression Testing

Regression testing is essential for maintaining stability.

Role of Automation

• Executes regression tests quickly
• Validates existing workflows
• Prevents reintroduction of bugs

Automation makes regression testing scalable and efficient.

4 Ensures Consistent Test Execution

Manual testing can lead to inconsistencies.

How Automation Helps

• Executes tests the same way every time
• Eliminates human error
• Provides reliable results

Consistency is key to maintaining stability.

5 Improves Test Coverage

Test automation allows teams to cover more scenarios.

What It Covers

• Functional workflows
• Edge cases
• Integration points

Better coverage reduces the chances of undetected issues.

6 Enables Faster Feedback Loops

Quick feedback helps teams respond to issues faster.

How It Works

• Tests run during development
• Results are available instantly
• Developers can fix issues immediately

This keeps the system stable throughout development.

7 Supports CI CD Pipelines

Modern development relies on continuous integration and delivery.

Benefits

• Automated tests run on every commit
• Only stable code moves forward
• Reduces risk of faulty deployments

This ensures stability in fast-paced environments.

8 Helps Manage Complex Systems

As systems grow, maintaining stability becomes harder.

How Automation Helps

• Validates interactions between components
• Detects integration issues
• Ensures consistent behavior across services

This is especially important for microservices and distributed systems.

Benefits of Test Automation

Understanding the benefits of test automation helps teams implement it effectively. It not only improves testing efficiency but also ensures long-term stability by providing continuous validation, faster feedback, and reliable results.

Common Challenges

Despite its advantages, teams may face challenges:

• Maintaining test scripts
• Managing test environments
• Handling dynamic data
• Keeping test suites updated

Addressing these challenges is essential for sustained stability.

Best Practices for Maintaining Stability

To maximize the impact of test automation:

• Prioritize critical workflows
• Keep test cases updated
• Automate repetitive and high-value tests
• Monitor test results regularly
• Integrate testing into CI CD pipelines

These practices ensure consistent and reliable testing.

Real World Example

Consider a SaaS platform with frequent feature releases.

Without Test Automation

• Frequent production bugs
• Unstable releases
• Increased downtime

With Test Automation

• Continuous validation of features
• Early detection of issues
• Stable and reliable releases

This highlights the importance of automation in maintaining stability.

Role of Modern Tools

Modern tools enhance test automation by:

• Automating test execution
• Integrating with development pipelines
• Providing detailed insights

For example, platforms like Keploy can capture real API interactions and generate test cases, helping teams maintain stability through realistic testing scenarios.

Conclusion

Test automation is a key enabler of software stability in modern development. By providing continuous validation, improving test coverage, and enabling early defect detection, it helps teams maintain reliable and high-quality applications.

In fast-moving environments, stability is not optional – and test automation ensures that systems remain consistent, dependable, and ready for scale.

Certainly a niche problem but if you are using the Cookie AutoDelete addon in your browser you may eventually find yourself waiting for an abnormal amount of “Cloudfare Security Verification” prompts, confirming that you are — supposedly — a human.

That is because your (or rather: your browser's) success in solving their proof-of-work, proof-of-space or other verification mechanisms is usually stored in a cf_clearance cookie. With addons like Cookie AutoDelete or other automated tools for clearing your cookies periodically, you will also end up clearing this cookie, so the next time you visit a given site, it will send you through the turnstile again.

For Cookie AutoDelete there is a fairly simple fix for this, although not available through the addon's settings or UI-based expression generator. You can save the following JSON snippet to a file, go to the List of Expressions in Cookie AutoDelete's settings, and load the file via the Import Expressions button.

{
  "default": [
    {
      "id": "Keep cf_clearance to avoid repeated Cloudflare verification",
      "expression": "*",
      "listType": "WHITE",
      "storeId": "default",
      "cookieNames": [
        "cf_clearance"
      ]
    }
  ]
}

This adds the cf_clearance cookie to the global allow list (based on the "*" expression) and it will no longer be deleted.

Of course you can also modify the expression to your needs and narrow the domains it applies to.

Stay entertained thanks to our Weekly Tracker giving you next week's Anticipated Movies & Shows, Most Watched & Returning Favorites, and Shows Changes & Popular Trailers.

Anticipated Movies

• ☆ The Super Mario Galaxy Movie
• The Drama
• Fuze

Anticipated Shows

• If It's Tuesday... It's Murder
• Go for It, Nakamura-kun!!
• Petals of Reincarnation
• The Real Housewives of Rhode Island
• ☆ Daemons of the Shadow Realm
• Mistress Kanan Is Devilishly Easy

Returing Favorites

• Love on the Spectrum — Season 4
• Classroom of the Elite — Season 4
• Dorohedoro — Season 2
• Ridiculousness — Season 50
• XO, Kitty — Season 3
• ☆ Your Friends & Neighbors — Season 2
• Gangs of Galicia — Season 2
• Bloodhounds — Season 2
• The Angel Next Door Spoils Me Rotten — Season 2
• That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime — Season 4
• Welcome to Demon-School, Iruma-kun — Season 4

Trending Shows Status Changes

• Something Very Bad Is Going to Happen — Returning Series → Ended
• Love Story — Returning Series → Ended
• Sentenced to Be a Hero — Returning Series → Ended
• Bait — Returning Series → Ended
• Pursuit of Jade — Returning Series → Ended
• Reincarnated as a Dragon Hatchling — Returning Series → Ended
• Watson — Returning Series → Canceled
• Heartbreak High — Returning Series → Ended
• Easygoing Territory Defense by the Optimistic Lord — Returning Series → Ended
• To Your Eternity — Returning Series → Ended
• Wonder Man — Ended → Returning Series

Most Watched Movies this Week

• new Send Help
• +1 Peaky Blinders: The Immortal Man
• -2 War Machine
• new Project Hail Mary
• -3 Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die
• new How to Make a Killing
• new Hoppers
• new GOAT
• = Scream 7
• new Mercy

Most Watched Shows this Week

• = The Pitt
• = Paradise
• +3 Invincible
• = The Rookie
• = Shrinking
• +1 High Potential
• new Daredevil: Born Again
• = Marshals
• = Monarch: Legacy of Monsters
• -7 ONE PIECE

Popular Trailers

• 'Send for the Devil' Ep. 5 Preview – Season 8 — Outlander
• tickets on sale NOW — Michael
• STEEL BALL RUN JoJo's Bizarre Adventure 2nd STAGE Official Teaser [Subtitled] — JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
• They Will Kill You is NOW PLAYING in theaters. Hell is more fun with friends. — They Will Kill You
• An unforgettable adventure awaits in IMAX — The Super Mario Galaxy Movie
• Believe at Every Scale — Project Hail Mary
• Season 2 Episode 13 Preview — The Pitt
• Make Your Heart Explode — Ready or Not: Here I Come
• Official Vertical Teaser Trailer — The End of Oak Street
• How Many Movies — Scary Movie

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Hi, I'm Kevin 👋. I make apps and I love watching movies and TV shows. If you like what I'm doing, you can buy one of my apps, download and subscribe to Rippple for Trakt or just buy me a ko-fi ☕️.

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Silvia querida:

Ojalá puedas leer estas líneas que me salen del alma. Las escribo desde este terrible lugar, con el propósito de que me comprendas y que sepas la verdad de lo que pasó.

Todo fue culpa de tus hermanos, que sabiendo que no bebo me dieron ese licor de frijoles. Yo no sé qué misterio tiene pero me entró directo en las neuronas y vi, primero alucinaciones, y luego claramente la formalización matemática que he buscado todos estos años como director de la Academia.

Sentí que el licor me quemaba la piel, fui quitándome la ropa, arranqué el mantel, lo tiré al suelo y lo que iba anotando con el bolígrafo es, ni más ni menos, la demostración misma de la Gran Unificación, la perseguida Teoría del Todo que vi en mi mente a causa de la intensa sinapsis. A punto de concluir empecé a decir aparentes locuras, noté que me agarraron, me esposaron y del cuartel me trajeron en lancha a la isla, yo no sé con qué cargos, y aquí estoy escribiéndote, pidiendo perdón, a tí, a nuestras familias y a todos los invitados a nuestra boda.

Qué desastre; qué más te voy a decir si casi no me acuerdo nada. Averigua, por favor, dónde está el mantel, espero que no lo hayan lavado ni tirado a la basura.

Silvia, te quiero, eres la mujer de mi vida.

Tuyo, Gilberto

Really enjoyed the start of the flat season yesterday. I always like this time of year when things get going again on Town Moor. The clocks going forward, the lighter evenings, longer days – it all seems to lift people a touch, whether they notice it or not.

Despite that, I didn’t have a bet.

Partly because nothing really appealed, but also because I’m trying to be a bit more focused this flat season. The plan is to narrow things down a bit and spend more time on a specific type of race.

I’m going to concentrate on 4yo+ handicaps over 5f to 1m in class 4, 5 and 6 company. I’ll still be having bets elsewhere when something stands out, but this is where most of the attention will be. Whether it leads to any kind of miniscule edge remains to be seen, but god loves a trier and all that.

So onto Sunday, where there are four races that fit the bill and are worth getting stuck into …

---

1.47 Doncaster

The opening race on the card and a competitive affair but with six places on offer at several bookies I’m going to chance the Tony Coyle trained EH UP ITS JAZZ. His run LTO can be ignored, it was on the AW (where he is 0/5) and was hopefully a bit of a pipe opener for this. On a workable mark of 67 (has placed off the same and won off 64) and is 221122 in class 5 company on the turf.

EH UP ITS JAZZ // 0.5pts E/W @ 10/1 (6 places) Paddy Power (BOG)

---

3.30 Doncaster

I couldn’t unpick the first division of this race, so have left that alone. The second however looks a bit more of a betting medium and I’m going to chance Jamie Osborne’s EPICTETUS in it. He’s 0/8 on the AW so I’m discounting all his winter runs, and doing that takes us back to his turf from where he was contesting valuable class 2 handicaps. Admitedly – bar one placed effort at Goodwood – he didn’t really ever land a blow but these were much better races. Should strip fitter than many of his rivals here today and the drop back to 7f should pose no problems. Looks to have a very decent chance.

EPICTETUS // 0.5pts E/W @ 7/1 (4 places) Coral (BOG)

---

5.50 Doncaster

Charlie Mason looks to have a really good chance but at 4/1 looks really short to me. So a chance is taken on JUAN LE PINS at slightly more generous who came back to form a couple of weeks ago and won LTO at Newcastle. The return to turf shouldn’t inconvience him and is today actually off a mark 5lbs lower than his best runs last summer, in an easier race, so you’d think he’d be competitive. Just hope the ground doens’t get any softer.

JUAN LE PINS // 0.5pts E/W @ 7/1 (4 places) William Hill (BOG)

I had an absolutely wonderful day today, I got a full set of drums! Along with a ton of other instruments for my band. I also went to LA for a leap concert, and it was absolutely fucking phenomenal. I got a vinyl signed by all of the members, and photos and got to talk with all of them. On my drive home after watching a video on the benefits of loneliness, I decided to raw dog the rest of my ride home, so I spent 40 minutes with no music or anything like that and I just thought and it was incredibly peaceful.

旅行先で、母親へのお土産にバームクーヘンを買った。 これまで誕生日でさえ母にプレゼントをしたことがなかったので、 自然とそうしている自分に少し驚き、そして安心した。 義務ではなく、表でそれをやっている。

車で実家へ向かう。 かつて自分が子どもだった頃に大人たちがしていた振る舞いを、今の自分が自然にやっていることに気づき、 寿命が近づいてくるのを感じる。 実家ではお土産を渡し、1時間ほど雑談をした。 空気の中にそのまま溶けていくような、自然な会話だった。

翌日は妻と花見に行った。 毎年訪れている砧公園だ。 出会ったばかりの頃は電車で行っていたが、車を買ってからは車で向かうようになった。 砧公園の入り口は桜がすでに満開なのだが、そこはまだ砧公園の本質ではない。 一の橋と書かれた橋を渡った先に、さらに美しい景色が広がっていて、 俺たちはそこを天国と呼んでいる。

その場所にレジャーシートを広げ、買ってきたスタバのウインナーロールと ダークモカチップフラペチーノを飲む。 普段はスターバックスラテだが、こういう特別な日にはフラペチーノを選ぶ。 今年の花見は、例年よりも気温がずっと暖かかった。

妻は会社を辞めるので、帰りに自由が丘で会社の人たちへのお礼のお菓子を買った。 こうして妻と車で移動しながら、好きな場所へ気ままに行ける生活は、 自分が送りたいと思っていた生活の一部だ。 これからも続けていきたい。 家での時間と、車での移動が自分にとっての理想の暮らしだ。

今の仕事では在宅勤務ができないので、明日からまた転職活動を頑張る。 転職用の成果物を作るのは、自分の能力より一段階上のことに挑む感覚があって、 精神的にはしんどい日々が続く。 それでも踏ん張るしかない。

My mind and heart are dancing in harmony. My body feels warm, and I have been crying more. This started after the encounter with the horseman from the valley. As we rode our horses around the ancient rocks, he sang a Navajo song about the air we breathe. His grandma, a singer and herbalist, taught him the song. I felt incredibly touched and humbled. The next day, I hiked in the biggest wind I’d ever felt. It was as if the air song called in all the winds. I felt the power throughout my body, from head to toes to my fingertips. Later, he sent me a couple of songs he sang. One of them vibrated in my heart, and the other in my throat, third eye, and head. It was a visceral experience. I felt it immediately — the healing, the opening and softening of the heart, and the remembrance of the soul.

Yesterday, I disappeared a little. Let’s not get too dramatic now. It wasn’t in some life changing way. I just left my phone somewhere, so I wouldn’t keep reaching for it. not checking. not scrolling. That day felt longer like that. But hey, at least it was cleaner, well. almost. Like time slowed down just to watch me think. I thought perhaps. I’d feel lighter (I didn’t). By the evening, it all came back at once. You. The habit of you. The silence where you used to be. It’s still strange to me how absence can still feel loud.

And then I heard something about you. Not from you directly, of course. You wouldn’t rather talk to me at all. But it was enough to understand that you’re not exactly… untouched by all of this, I could say. You’re not as far as you pretend to be. And I don’t know what to do with that. Because if that’s true. Why am I hearing it from the world instead of you? Or maybe I’m just not someone you come to anymore. Maybe I’ve been moved from “person” to “thought.” Something you feel sometimes, but you’d rather not take action on. Still. It made me happy. Embarrassingly happy. The kind of happy I’d make fun of someone else for, and you would’ve laughed. But it felt like something heavy in my chest loosened for a second. Oh God, this is going to sound stupid, but like something divine brushed past me just to remind me I still exist in your world.

Pathetic, right?

Today, even though it just started for me. It’s been pretty empty. I’m having a coffee this morning. Tasted like nothing. Which is impressive, considering coffee is literally designed to have a personality. Mine didn’t. just like how my life has been lately. I’ve been smoking way too much these days. From the second I wake up to the second I force myself to sleep. It’s not even enjoyable anymore. Just a habit. Like im trying to fill space with smoke because I don’t know what else belongs there. And you’re still everywhere. I see you in places you’ve never been. Hear you sometimes, quick, soft, gone before I can’t prove it was real. It wakes me up with my heart racing like I just got caught doing something wrong. Maybe I did. Maybe being obsessed, Crazy over you, Like that counts as a mistake you would’ve told me about.

But you know, that chest pain I’ve been carrying around like a personality trait? It eased. Just a little. All because of that message that wasn’t even from you, but still somehow was. That’s all it takes now, apparently. Fragments of you. Secondhand feelings. I’ve lowered the bar so much it’s practically underground.

Anyway. I don’t know what I’m going to do today. Maybe I’ll go out. Maybe I’ll try something I used to enjoy, just to see if I still can. No big redemption arc. No dramatic comeback. Just passing time in a slightly less miserable way. That’s where im at.

But yeah, if we’re being honest, I’d drop all of that in a second Just to hear from you properly.

Sincerely, Your Unfinished Curse Of Me.